Everybody Loves Raymond s03e22 Episode Script

- Hi, I'm home.
- Hey.
How was dinner with the girls? - Yeah, it was - Anybody look fat? What? I thought you liked that.
You know, Ray.
Ever since the kids were born I've been just stuck in this house.
I feel like I'm missing out.
I need a change.
You're leaving me? Eventually.
But, anyway the girls were talking about all these exciting things they're doing, you know? Gayle's biking through Thailand.
Amy got a promotion.
Linda's getting her master's degree.
Like, all I could talk about is, "The twins can pronounce their S's now and " Ray! What? Yeah.
You had Thai food and Linda's playing in the Master's.
Would you turn that off? The remote's broken.
I think I might go back to work.
What? Where's this coming from? This is what I've been trying to tell you.
Just part-time in PR, like I use to do.
Amy said she's always hearing about openings.
You wanna work? Sounds even better when you say it.
I'm not saying it, I'm asking.
Yes, I actually want to get out and do something.
- What about - The house will be fine.
Well, how about The twins are in preschool five days a week.
And you did great tonight.
Everybody's asleep.
House looks great.
No, I didn't do great.
My mother cleaned up.
The kids aren't even home.
They're at a racetrack.
Wow, did you do that yourself? They're coming! Uh, we got milk, ginger ale and something pink.
Pink, please.
What? I sense a great disturbance in the force.
Hello, dear! You gotta teach me how you do that? I made some ravioli for the kids.
They look so skinny compared to the other children.
Oh my God! I have to iron! Don't panic, dear.
I'll walk you through it.
What are you doing? I've gotta iron my blouse for my interview.
Oh, you're finally interviewing cleaning services.
No, Marie.
I've decided to look for a job.
I got a call about an opening in PR Can you believe that? No, I cannot.
Hey, Deb.
I think it's great.
Yeah, it's exciting, me going back to work.
Oh, yes, dear.
I can't help wondering about the children, though.
- They're already so thin.
- Ray, that reminds me.
You're going to have to pick up the twins from preschool.
And I'll wait for them here.
Someone has to be home now that they're latchkey children.
Please, Marie.
Don't make me feel guilty about this.
Oh no, dear.
I respect your ambition.
I mean, most women would settle for having everything.
What are you nodding at? That's not nodding.
I'm thinking of a song, that's all.
Don't pay attention to them, Deb.
This is a family of dream squashers.
- Dream squashers? - That's right.
Everything I ever dreamed of they said I couldn't do.
The drums Oh please, the drums were the worst.
Major league baseball.
My career in space.
You were 6' tall in the third grade.
They'd have to fold you in half to stuff you into the capsule.
Mission Control, man.
I could've been Houston.
You go for it, Deb.
Drop a rocket on your back and fly.
Fly from the dream squashers.
Thanks, I think I'll just take the train.
Train? Where is this job? If I get it, it's in Manhattan.
That's a long commute.
It's an hour there and an hour back.
Oh yeah, the commute.
I hadn't thought about that.
I'll be able to read.
Or just sit quietly.
And watch public urination.
Dream squasher.
Oh, forgot my blouse.
I'm so nervous and I don't even know if I'm going to get the job.
Let's cross our fingers.
No.
Geoffrey, no.
Guys, come on, trying to work.
Hey.
Mommy's good spoons aren't for banging.
You know what? Take them outside and dig for worms.
Ally, a little help here.
Take your brothers outside.
- Hi, Mommy! - Hello.
Oh, Mommy's here! Hey.
Oh, yeah.
Listens, the guys want to take the spoons outside.
Hey, hey, hey.
I got the job.
- What? - Yeah, I got the job.
Two days a week I'm going to be a copywriter at the Charlotte Sterling Agency.
They just gave it to you like that? Yeah, I had to fill out a W-4 and everything.
So there was no drug testing or anything like that? I'm going to get to do so much there.
It's a small agency.
It's just Charlotte, me and the receptionist.
God, I've never had a woman boss before.
It's not that great.
Oh yeah, we're gonna be able to bond over stuff like bad hair and have private meetings in the ladies' room and - What is it? - Nothing.
You got the job.
Congratulations.
What's wrong? Nothing, I I just I always thought that that I would make enough money to support all of us.
And I am.
- Aren't I? - Oh, yes.
Oh, honey, you're a great provider.
No, we don't need the money.
I just need to do this for myself, you know? Hey, wouldn't it be nice to have a extra money? I mean, what if one of the kids wants to go to Harvard? I think that kid might be a little disappointed.
- Okay, listen.
Can I use your office? - My office? My boss wants me to create a new identity for a pizza restaurant.
Hold on.
How about the kids, though? I know you've had them for a couple hours already, but I need to get a head start on this, and you said you would help out more.
I didn't know by helping out you meant really helping out.
So this is not really about you losing your place as the wage earner.
You just don't want to do any work around here.
Why is that so wrong? Complain all you want.
I'm doing this.
Dream squasher.
How about my dream, huh? The wife who doesn't want to go to work 'cause she's too tired from all the sex.
Okay, guys, come on.
What did you do? You like that? You like it on the face, don't you? What's wrong with you? That's good enough.
You're gonna get dirty again tomorrow, ain't you? Go play.
Stupid cheese.
Hey there, Cat Balou.
So how was your first day? See, I'm asking just like you asked me to.
Terrible.
It was just a terrible - horrible day.
- Oh.
All right, it will go better tomorrow.
No it won't, Ray.
I was fired.
- On your first day? - Yes, on my first day! Have you lost weight? You got fired? That's terrible.
Don't pretend you care.
You're getting exactly what you want.
I want you to yell at me? You want me to stay home so I can take care of the kids and cook and clean and have absolutely no life.
So how was your day, dear? I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to answer that.
Why did they fire you? Embezzlement.
I doctored the books and stole millions of dollars.
Is chicken okay? If we're millionaires I think we're gonna order out.
- Come on, what did you do? - Nothing.
Ally forgot her permission slip for the zoo.
So then I had to deal with the school and fax something over there.
And then my boss just freaked out.
God! Well, that's not nice.
It's not nice.
To think I was excited to work for a woman.
God! I'm telling you, these career women are the worst.
They sacrifice all their happiness to get where they are now.
And they want everybody else to do exactly the same.
- Women.
Yeah.
- Oh.
Don't try to be supportive.
It's way too late for that.
Come on, Debra.
I'm just trying to help.
Okay, okay.
All right, all right.
It's me.
It's not you.
It's me.
God, why did I even think I could do this? You know, even though I was really trying to be supportive I was thinking maybe I could've been even a little bit more, probably.
No, it's okay.
Thanks for helping out around here today.
Oh, there it is.
Charlotte Sterling Agency.
No, Charlotte's not here.
We're set for paper-clips.
Uh-huh.
Thank you.
I'll give her the message.
Can I help you? I was hoping to talk to Charlotte Sterling.
- Are you here to sell her something? - No.
Then I'm Charlotte Sterling.
My receptionist is taking another mental health day.
- I'm Ray Barone.
- Yes.
My wife worked here until yesterday.
Well, she worked here yesterday.
Oh.
Oh, oh, I'm so sorry about that.
Are you here for her mug? I rinsed it.
"Have a nice day.
" Thank you.
You too.
No.
No, the mug.
Huh? About Debra.
I know it's kind of weird for me to be here, but I can't help feeling this is partly my fault.
What are you talking about? You fired Debra because my daughter had to go to the zoo.
No, I'm sorry.
I had to let Debra go because, uh listen, why don't I show you her campaign on our pizza account.
I, um She created a character that was supposed to go on all their packaging and ads.
The man who invented pizza.
- "Professor Pete Za.
" - Yes.
First name Pete.
Last name Za.
Pete Za.
- Cute! - Oh yeah, it is cute.
But our clients aren't paying us for cute.
They don't wanna guy with a pun name and a mozzarella hat.
Okay, but this is it's one thing.
You fired her for one thing? I really didn't want to fire Debra, but she just wouldn't let go of it.
I told her I said I don't think this is what the clients want and she argued with me.
Now, I really hate to say this, but I think she's a little stubborn.
Really? That doesn't sound like my Debra, though.
She was probably nervous because it was her first day.
You think you could give her another shot? No, I'm sorry.
I really can't.
I need to have somebody who can jump right in there, who knows what they're doing.
What?! Stop calling me! I don't need anything! Oh Jeez, you know, I do need toner.
It was really nice meeting you.
All right.
Okay.
I'll get out of your way.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that you didn't get to see Debra at her best.
It's hard for her to be at her best all the time 'cause she's got so much to put up with.
You know, there's me.
I'm a much bigger problem than I look.
I don't know if she told you this, but my parents live across the street.
Yeah, that's right.
You know that guy that was bothering you on the phone? Imagine two of them coming over every day for the rest of your life.
And she's already she's juggling the kids and the school and the gymnastics.
All right.
Well, anyway, I'm sorry.
You know what? You can refile that.
Gosh, I had no idea.
How many kids do you have? Seven.
Hey, puka shell.
- Hi.
- Hi.
A gift for my wife.
Oh, great.
I can use it to carry juice boxes to Gymboree.
Or to the Charlotte Sterling Agency if you like your juice with lunch.
You got your job back.
Ta-da! What? I talked to Charlotte.
She's gonna give you another shot.
Charlotte? When did you talk to Charlotte? Today.
I skipped lunch.
How could you do that? I had a big breakfast.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Happy? Who do you think you are? How dare you! What do you mean? I'm being supportive.
But you grovel for my job? Not for long.
I just Charlotte's a very reasonable person.
I told her that Pete Za She told you about Pete Za? Professor Pete Za.
Wow.
What were you thinking? Oh, it was good! I thought it was good! His hair was cheese.
That was his hat, Ray! All right? I was trying to reach a wide demographic.
It was for teens and adults.
You wouldn't understand.
See, that's the kind of attitude - that might get people fired.
- Hey, I I What? I thought it was funny.
Ally liked it.
Aw, honey.
Ally's six.
I know.
But she's the only one I have I can run things by.
I'm here.
You know what you should try tomorrow? Lynn Guini.
Lynn Guini.
That would be funny.
You know, like, spaghetti hair and meatballs.
God, look I can't go back there.
It's just too humiliating.
I just oh God, I don't know what happened to me.
The whole time I was arguing with Charlotte I was thinking, "What are you doing? Stop talking.
" But I had to keep fighting for Pete Za.
I know why you fight.
It's because you're surrounded by Barones.
It's a jungle here.
It's survival of the fittest.
If you didn't learn how to hold your own my mother would be wearing you as a coat.
I'm not gonna blame your family for me losing my job.
- Why not? - Because that's a big cop-out.
I'm doing it when I get fired from my job.
Look, it was nice, you know, what you tried to do.
Well, you know, just being supportive.
I appreciate it.
I brought you comfort food.
Oh, I'm sorry you got fired.
It's probably for the best.
If you want to expand your horizons how about taking up gardening? Your yard could use a lot of work.
Hey, gardening is fun.
You have lost weight.
You look good.
She looks good, doesn't she? Yes, we do have an opening and I'm sure that you're a really fast learner.
But I really need someone with more PR experience.
You don't understand.
I have to get out of the house.
My husband drives me crazy.
Okay.
Thank you for your interest.
Before you make any final decisions, why don't you taste this lasagna? - Right now? - Oh, please, dear.
You're so thin.