Las Vegas s03e22 Episode Script

Jeff and judy McKee.
They love the same food, wine, movies.
They're perfectly compatible.
They love to do all the same things, foremost of which is gamble, which makes me ecstatic.
You okay? You seem a little tired.
- Yeah.
You should go get some sleep.
- Sleep? I'll sleep when I'm dead.
Unlike you stiffs, I work on commission.
- Hi.
- I seem to remember those two from when I was a valet, but with different significant others.
- Yeah.
They were married to other people.
- Other people who didn't gamble.
They met at that blackjack table, and hatched a plan to get rid of the slugs they were married to.
Now they bring their united bankroll to the Montecito.
Ain't love grand? Give 'em each a hundred Kin checks.
All blacks.
All right.
Break.
I promised I wouldn't pressure you, but I keep about thinking whatJean-Luc said.
Who's Jean-Luc? Colorectal surgeon from Lyon.
We met in Myanmar.
Well, bowel resections can tend to get a little tedious, so sometimes you talk about home.
And I told him about your laugh, the goofy way you move your head when you dance and how your face gets triangle-shaped when you get mad.
You told your friends about us? Of course.
Don't you? Of course.
So what did Jean-Luc say about me? Well, he said leaving you alone was the dumbest move since Napoleon invaded Russia.
I agree.
Come here.
How long have you been up? Twenty-two hours.
You look like crap.
Get some sleep.
I'm not tired.
- Really? - Tired I can handle.
I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I think I'm a little burned out.
- When was the last time you had a vacation? - I'm not taking two weeks off.
- I'm just saying that- - When was the last time you had a vacation? I don't know.
Clinton was in office.
My whales,Jeff and Judy McKee- They need special attention.
You know what? I'll tell you what.
You, my dear- You need the cabin.
- I didn't know the Montecito had a cabin.
- Well, they don't.
Me- I- I have a cabin.
Up on Mount Charleston.
A bear rug.
Huge fireplace.
You never struck me as the " cabin" sort of guy.
You know how Superman had the " Fortress of Solitude"? Well, Lois, I have a cabin.
- I can't go to the snow by myself.
- Just take somebody.
Take somebody? To Mount Charleston? No.
Listen to me.
I need to take care of my whales.
We will take care of the whales.
You go up there.
Two days, and you'll be a new person.
Congratulations.
You know, you're a great-looking guy, Mike.
Well, thank you, Mrs.
McKee.
Judy.
Judy.
You don't have to be modest.
You know you're hot.
Oh.
My husband's hot too.
Hot guys have lots of opportunity.
Well, if you ask me, he seems very happy to be married to you.
I'm sure he is, but I want you to watch him.
I'm sorry? I know my husband.
He's gonna try and get laid while he's here.
You've got cameras everywhere.
Just watch him and report back to me.
When are you due? Two weeks.
May I suggest a name? Jeff.
It's a girl.
- You know, you ought to hit that.
- You think? Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Hey! Thanks.
- What you drinking? - Virgin margarita.
Hey, sugar.
Can I get two margaritas? One unleaded.
So you're all set, Mr.
McKee.
All right.
My wife, she's something, don't you think? Yeah.
Yeah, she's quite a woman.
- What you mean, " Quite a woman"? - Just, you know, she's- "Quite a woman.
" What? Like she got big boobs, huh? A nice ass? Like she's the kind of woman you might quite like to bang? I didn't- I was just making conversation.
I'm just messing with you.
- I had you going though, didn't I? - Yeah.
Yeah.
You sure did.
Yeah, no doubt about it.
She is a pistol.
I want you to keep an eye on her.
What kind of an eye? I get the feeling that littleJeff ain't the only one holding the map to the secret grotto, if you know what I mean.
So, you think that she might be cheating on you? Danny boy.
I got the distinct feeling that my key ain't the only one been in that lock.
I can't wait to see you either.
Get your butt out here.
I can be there in seven hours.
d Boy,you feelin'lucky tonight d d Roll the dice again and let it ride d d Let it ride Let it ride d d You gonna do this one more time d d Hit me again and let it ride d d Let it ride Let it ride d d Are you gonna play tonight d d'Cause Lady Luck is right by your side d d By your side By your side d d Gonna do this one more time d d Hit me again and let it ride d d Let it ride, let it ride Let it ride, let it ride dd If anything starts to go the least bit sideways, call me or text me.
It doesn't matter if it's four in the afternoon or four in the morning.
Sam.
! - Hi, sweetie.
I'm very busy.
- Do you think I should marry Derek? Doesn't matter what I think.
That's not true.
I value your opinion.
Okay.
Yes.
Really? You think I should? No.
I don't think you should.
I think you should run fast as you can in those shoes.
Sam, really.
Delinda, listen to me.
No one listens to advice.
They think they do, but they don't.
It doesn't matter what I say.
You're gonna do what you want and that's okay.
Fine.
I'll go ask Mary, then.
Perfect.
What? What do you mean, " what"? When you decided to start sleeping with Danny again did you tell Mary? Of course not.
Why? They'd been over for more than a year.
And? Because it might hurt her feelings.
And did you tell Derek? Yes.
I tell him everything.
Delinda, listen to me.
Before you marry this guy or don't marry him - and especially before you start asking everybody a bunch of girlie questions- make sure your ducks are in a row.
So I should tell Mary about Danny? I think everything always comes out eventually.
She needs to hear it from you before she hears it from somebody else.
You don't think she still loves Danny.
What? The sun always rises in the east, you always get hungry a half hour after you eat Chinese food and Mary Connell will always love Danny McCoy.
This is it.
Coming my way.
All you, baby.
All you.
- 10,000.
- Table limit's 5,000, sir.
- Then raise it.
- Mr.
Deline.
- 10,000? - Yeah, okay, Lynn.
Checks play.
10,000.
Bullet.
Give daddy the bullets.
Six? Damn it.
You did that on purpose.
Hit or stand, sir.
- I waved it off.
I didn't want another card.
- Hey.
Hey, hey.
Get your hands off her.
Don't ever touch anybody in this casino.
Finish the hand, please.
See? She'd have busted either way.
You owe me 20 grand,Jack.
She would not have given you the card if you had waved it off.
I motioned to her to stick.
She knew what her hole card was.
That's a lot of money to me.
Sit down.
That's a lot of money to anybody.
And we don't cheat here.
- You're the pit boss? - I'm his boss's boss's boss.
Oh.
I'm sorry I grabbed her.
I'm sorry I grabbed your hand and I called you a name, you know? But that's 10 G's.
You can look at the tape.
I waved it off.
All right.
Listen, Mr.
- What's your name? Barry Barona.
Mr.
Barona.
Why don't you please have a bite to eat over there at Wolfgang Puck's on us? - We'll look at this thing.
Okay? - Okay.
Six.
! Come on, six.
! And it's a six.
Hey.
Sweetie.
You wanted to tell me something? I need to ask you something first.
Oh, God.
I am so busy.
I have, like, two weddings.
Sasha Cohen is coming into town with her friends.
Is it something, anything, that can please wait until later? Ask away.
But I want you to be honest, because sometimes you're so sweet it comes out like you're lying.
Lying's a little harsh.
- Could you beat your sweetness into submission for a minute? - I'll try.
- Should I marry Derek? - I'm afraid I have to tell you to look inside your heart.
Okay.
Sweetness bubbling to the surface.
I'm the wrong person to ask, you know? I'm 0 for 2.
Ask Sam.
At least she's only 0 for 1.
I want your opinion, Mary.
Really? Really.
Okay.
Okay.
Then I have a couple questions.
Easy one first.
Yeah.
Do you love him? Yes! Yes, I do.
And the sex- Let's just say this doctor really knows how to play doctor.
What do you love most about him? I guess that he's passionate about helping other people.
And that when we're together, every day feels like it really means something.
Sweetie, I've never heard you talk like this about anybody before.
So you think it means something? I think he could very possibly be " the one.
" How did you know Jake wasn't " the one?" I'm gonna tell you something that I never told anybody else, but when Jake was down on one knee and he looked up at me with that ring in his hand, the only face I could see was Danny's.
What did you want to tell me? It's really not important.
So we tell the wife the husband's cheating, the husband gets mad.
We tell the wife- Same thing.
- So what? - Do we have to help them? - What do they play for? - Close to a million a trip.
- Yeah, we help 'em.
- So who do we tell? - Who gambles more? - About even.
Okay, look.
Here's what we do.
We watch and we don't say nothin'.
We get a couple of decoys- male and female, of course.
And that way we know they can't do nothing.
Just let 'em keep playing.
- Thank you, King Solomon.
- Oh! And don't forget about that other thing.
I got Mitch checking all the video angles and I'm gonna talk - to the other players at the table, plus the dealer.
- Good.
Whoa.
Whoa.
I'm sorry.
You guys gotta book the next one.
Hey! Look at that.
There's the girls.
Man, the resolution is really impressive.
Yeah.
You work in here every day you kind of forget how cool it is.
Yeah.
Where don't you have a camera? Everywhere except the bathrooms and guest rooms.
You ever catch anybody having sex? Yeah.
All the time.
Oh, yeah? Where? Like the elevators? Elevators, hallways - You know, behind potted palms.
This town just makes people want to get their freak on.
I know about you and Delinda starting things up again.
Oh! She told you about that? Yeah.
She was single.
You were single.
Who wouldn't want a girl like that? Derek, this is very awkward for me.
I know.
I know.
I think you're a stand-up guy, Danny and I just want you to know that I'm cool with it.
- Good.
- And if Delinda says "yes" to me, I'd like to be able to call you a friend.
- Friend? - Yeah.
Cool.
Of course.
You know, I know how to kill a man and make it look like natural causes.
I'm bait.
I prefer to think of you as an intricately carved and painted decoy.
Fish, ducks, whatever.
The point is, you want me to wink at this McKee guy to see if he comes over.
I'm a minnow.
Yes, but without the hook in your eye.
Yeah.
Hey, has Delinda talked to you about Derek? No.
You? She asked me if she should marry him.
You didn't say, "Look into your heart," did you? How'd you know? You said the same thing to me when I asked you if I should get a Mustang convertible.
It's your stock answer, Mary.
Okay, these Intel Macs are twice as fast, and built-in camera, okay? What makes you so sure this guy is even gonna be here? He gets coffee the same time every afternoon.
Put your phone on vibrate.
I'll call you when he comes in.
Mm-hmm.
- Where are you going? - To the surveillance room.
To document the mating habits of the North American casino whale in his natural habitat.
Who's the sexy one? You're the sexy one.
You are.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I'm playing.
I'm playing.
We got a couple ofhours left to prime tanning rays, then I figure maybe we'll grab a steak, hit the club, put your left foot in, shake it all about, then right back here for round two.
I have a surprise for you.
That little thing with your pinkie wasn't the surprise? No.
We're gonna go away.
But I'm already away.
To a romantic cabin in the snow.
The snow? Uh-huh.
As in Boston snow? As in where I just came from snow? - I'm feeling a little burnt out, Woody.
- You're burnt out? Samantha " 48 Straight" Marquez is feeling burnt out and wants to go to some A - frame in the middle of nowhere? Do you have any idea how many times I've ever asked a guy to go away with me? The answer is none.
Never.
I've never asked a man to go away.
I don't even want to go away with you.
What do you think about this? It wasn't even my idea.
Really? You've never asked a guy to go away with you? No.
Of course not.
Why would I? Ever? Ever? No, never.
I talked to two of the players and the dealer and they all said that he motioned for a hit.
Check this out.
I've got four angles.
I understand you took Derek for a tour of surveillance.
Uh-huh.
He's a hell of a nice kid, huh? What's the matter? You don't like him? I'm kind of in the middle of something.
Who, Derek? - Yeah, he seems like good people.
- " Good people"? Since when do you use " good people"? If there's something I should know about this guy, you better tell me and you tell me now.
Ed, he seems like a good guy.
And, no, I don't know anything bad.
- You sure? - I spent a little time with him today and I really liked him.
That's good.
Because you know, I mean, I value your judgment.
Sometimes.
- There he is.
- The guy definitely took a hit.
He's pathetic.
He's down in Wolfgang Puck's.
- You want me to go talk to him? - No.
I'll talk to him because I think I'd like to get one of those nice Chinese chicken salads.
Excuse me.
Are you wearing space pants? 'Cause your ass is out of this world.
- Good one.
- Yeah? You think a P.
C.
guy and a Mac girl could ever fall for one another? Huh? All right, listen, I ain't gonna play games with you 'cause I ain't got a lot of time.
You are beautiful- and I'm rich.
- So what's it gonna take? - What a loser.
You know, I can't - I can't prove this for a fact, but a gal in Reno once told me that my tongue was longer than Gene Simmons's of KISS.
Not the tongue.
Mike, I'm gonna kill you.
Who's Mike? I'm Jeff and I party every day.
Okay.
Mary? Sweetie! I have been waiting for you for hours.
Oh! I thought you said to meet you in the sports book.
No, no, no.
I distinctly remember telling you to meet me in the iLounge.
I am so sorry, honey.
- How ya doin'? - Hey.
Nice meetin' ya.
That was the universal sign for " save me.
" Right? Mmm.
'Cause if it wasn't, then I'm the world's biggest dumb-ass.
Oh.
No, it was-And you're not.
Damn! It's good to be the boss.
- Sam! Sam! You got a second? - Casey, I don't.
I have to go out.
- I need one minute.
- No.
I don't have time.
Sam! It took a little time and distance for me to realize how much it means to me to have you in my life and I know that we can be completely honest with one another.
Which means not being afraid to tell the other person what's in our hearts.
Okay? So no more vindictive behavior.
No more games.
- That's big of you.
Wow.
- And I wouldn't ask you this unless I was sure that we were both in the same place in our relationship.
Casey, I really have to go right now, but I think that maybe we could get together later and we could talk- One second.
One second.
Could you hook me up with Mary? We need a plan.
No offense,Jillian, but I don't think Delinda should be manipulated into making a decision.
You know that I'm completely on your side.
Oh, yeah.
And you are gonna have gorgeous children.
And happy and healthy, I hope.
You know, when Delinda was small, Ed was away working a lot.
Yeah.
So I've heard.
Sometimes we didn't get to see him for weeks, sometimes months, at a time.
You know, I want you to know that I would never let that happen.
Oh, good.
I'm so glad to hear that.
Mm-hmm.
Listen.
I happen to know of a very prestigious medical group right here in Las Vegas.
They're looking for a dynamic young doctor to join their practice.
Looks like a very high-end facility.
And they have a very low doctor-to-patient ratio.
Mmm.
Which means, you know, shorter hours for higher pay.
Yup.
And you have an interview there tomorrow at 10:00.
No.
I have a job,Jillian.
It's more than dispensing pills for acid reflux and erectile dysfunction.
I appreciate your interest, but if I'm lucky enough for your daughter to say "yes," we're going back to Myanmar- together.
And after Myanmar? I don't know.
I was thinking about Vietnam or the Sudan.
Maybe Indonesia.
That gentleman's asked for you several times.
Thanks,Julie.
I hand the girl the comp slip, she says, "Oh, a friend of Mr.
Deline's.
" Then they make a big fuss and give me this fancy meal.
You didn't tell me you were the president of this place.
Yeah, something like that.
You watch the video? Yeah.
From several angles.
You don't have my 20 grand, do you? Well, you signaled for a hit, and you busted.
Let me watch the tape.
We don't let players watch those videos.
Now if you'd like to make a claim with the Gaming Commission, we'll see you at the hearing.
Now, I'm sorry.
That was my rent money.
I'm gonna get evicted.
I'll tell you what.
We'll put you up here for a few days till you get things straightened out.
You think I wanna be reminded of the place that ripped me off? Why don't you keep your garbage room? What am I supposed to tell my wife? Well, you should tell her you'll stop gambling money you can't afford to lose.
You know, you might be a big shot, but you act like a punk, Deline.
Listen.
A man should not gamble money that's meant for his family.
You don't know my family.
You don't know me.
I know that you're a real bad loser who can't control himself.
So I think you ought to walk out of here before you embarrass yourself in front of all these people.
That's what I think.
Whoo! Great! Nice.
! I should've brought my snow pants.
Want to get the stuff? Yeah.
Wow! I know.
It's big! There.
Get that too.
I love it.
! Do you like it? Yeah.
It's beautiful! There's no TV.
Why do you need a TV the minute we walk in? Every guy turns on the TV the minute he walks in a hotel room.
Not every guy I know.
Every regular guy.
- This isn't a hotel.
- You know what I'm saying.
A man needs his Sports Center.
Crap! I don't have any bars here.
Do you have any service? Nope.
Oh, my God.
I left two million-dollar clients basically unattended.
How am I supposed to reach anybody? - You think that's funny? - Cell phone, TV-What's the difference? The difference is one you sit in front of and drool with your hand down your pants.
The other's a lifeline for commerce.
Okay, okay.
What do you say you and me break in the old bear rug? Crap.
Hey.
Is something bothering you? You.
You're an idiot.
Whoo! What ya doin'? Hey.
Hey.
Catching people cheating.
On the casino? On each other.
I'm gonna tell Mary about you and me.
What? Why? I'm getting my ducks in a row.
I think you should tell your ducks to keep their bills shut.
You been talking to Sam? How did you know? I wish you'd told me you were gonna say something to Derek.
It's no big deal.
He knows everything.
What do you mean, " everything"? Well, he knows enough.
Like specifics? Some people are secure enough in their manhood not to get jealous, Danny.
I guess.
So you're saying if you and I were together, you'd have secrets? No.
I'm saying I don't believe anything good comes from telling people about stuff that happened in the past.
Especially stuff that isn't gonna happen again.
So I say to this I.
A.
D.
lieutenant, "You've got two choices, buddy.
'A,' you talk to my P.
B.
A.
rep, 'B,' you kiss my fluorescent-white Irish ass.
" Am I boring you? Wow.
Look who's finally catching on.
You know, Samantha, you are, hands down, the most beautiful woman I've been with by a mile, but you are a Grade " A" bitch.
Okay.
Obviously, it was a mistake inviting you out here.
Showing up was a bigger mistake.
- Jack-ball.
- Gutter slut.
- Crack whore.
- Butt hair.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Where are you going? Out to find some cell service and to get away from you.
If you get in touch with Vegas, have them send me a 42-inch plasma screen.
- I hate you! - I hate you! - You do? - Yeah.
That's relatively interesting.
You mean, like, you really hate me? So, this guy has hit on 11 different women, if you count Mary, and I believe he's making a pass at this mature gal with the walker.
That's not even funny.
And this one? She's played footsie under the table with, like, six dudes.
- Do either of them ever pull the trigger? - No.
Just a lot of fishing.
When do they find time to gamble? That's a good question.
Danny McCoy.
Mrs.
McKee! Yeah, I'll be right there.
Don't get hurt now.
He's taking our daughter to Burma.
I checked.
It's 8,000 miles away.
It's called Myanmar.
He's gonna marry our little girl and raise our grandchildren in a Third World country.
- They could be eaten by lions.
- There are no lions in Myanmar, Mrs.
D.
It's too cold.
There are a few Asian lions in the Gir Forest in India though.
There's a mountain of paperwork I've been meaning- You have to do something.
She's gonna go away with him and never come back.
Honey, what about that interview you set up with that Dr.
Rhodes? He wasn't interested.
You set up your future son-in-law with job interviews? Ed, for years, I waited around wondering where you were in the world, whether you were alive or dead.
And I'll be damned if I'm gonna let some guy from out of the middle of nowhere come in here and take our daughter away from us.
Honey, please.
You've gotta calm down a little bit.
Why aren't you freaking out? I mean, I thought you'd be punching people by now.
They're grown-ups.
They can do what they want to do, when they want to do it.
Now, do I want my daughter living in some godforsaken land? Of course not.
If she decides to marry Derek, I trust that he will protect her, and I believe in my heart that he'll make her very, very happy.
Now, what more could I ask? I don't like you sensible- Not one little bit.
I'm a very straightforward person, Mary.
And I think there was more to that kiss than Just saving you from some weirdo.
And I think- I hope- that you think so too.
Now, you've probably heard a lot of things about me.
Because people talk.
And sometimes things are said out of anger.
Consider all of it true.
All of it? I just want to start fresh, and I figure that if you're willing to still go out with me after all that stuff that you've heard- You know, I'm sure that because I used to be engaged to someone who also worked here - Ah.
some things have filtered their way back to you that don't exactly present me in the most flattering light.
Actually, no.
Not one thing? No.
I've never heard a bad thing about you ever.
From anyone.
Oh.
Just because you haven't heard anything - Let me warn you.
I can be plenty ruthless when provoked.
Okay.
That's good to know.
Plus didn't you try to fire me last year? In hindsight, obviously, a monumental error in judgment.
I'm sorry.
Listen, um, I've dated rich guys.
I've dated poor guys.
I've dated guys in between.
So I don't need to be wined and dined and flown all over the world.
Why don't we just start with coffee? I'd like that.
In Colombia.
Oh! Oh! Receiving.
I love you.
This is Mike.
Mike! Mike! Hey.
It's Sam.
Listen to me.
How are the McKees? Mike! Mike? Mike? Mike! Yeah.
On the one hand, it's a chance for me to spend my life with a great guy that I've fallen in love with all over again.
On the other hand, he's made it clear we can't stay here.
And if I go with him, I'm afraid I'm gonna lose all the people that I love so much.
I'm sure we'll see each other.
Like you guys are ever gonna come to Myanmar or Southeast Asia or Africa.
Mike, it's not like going to L.
A.
for the weekend.
Well, then, you'll come here.
Once a year-Twice if I'm lucky.
Okay, what would you say if Derek said he'd stay in Vegas and just be a regular local doctor? I'd say that he'd be giving up everything that he stands for and loves just to make me happy.
Is that what you want? Yes.
No.
I don't know.
Why are you confusing me? Look, you see this guy I've been watching at the bar, Mr.
McKee? He and his wife are perfectly compatible.
And look how happy they are.
That's not his wife! What am I gonna do? Delinda, I know you know me to be a man of science, but I like to balance that with a strong nod to the spiritual.
And when I need guidance, karma or the universe or some higher power or whatever you want to call it, sends me a sign.
Mike, seriously.
I mean it, Delinda.
You just have to be open to it and it'll come.
A sign? Yes.
To whether to marry Derek.
Yes.
Okay.
Sam! Sam! - Sam! Sam! - Woody! Sam.
! Woody! Sam! Sam! Who is that? Sam! Sam! Woody, I'm coming! Come in.
You don't have to lie, Danny.
I know he's got you watching me.
That's something that you and your husband are gonna have to discuss.
Which is really ironic considering he'd bang anything that walks upright.
To be honest, we don't have any hard evidence that either one of you have been unfaithful.
Huh.
But you do admit you've been watching me.
Look, if you don't mind my asking, the two of you divorced other people so that you could be together, so what's the point in cheating, exactly? We enjoy each other's company enough.
It's just a little game we like to play.
Well, it's a pretty dangerous game, if you ask me.
With all this temptation around, how else are you supposed to spice up a marriage? Scented candles? So, what is- Uh, you're naked.
What are you- Okay.
Okay.
Pookie.
! Hey.
! I'm up 62,000.
Up, up, up, up! - Up.
! Get out.
! Go, go, go.
! - Danny McCoy's here, hon'! Hey.
! Hey.
! Hey! So, Danny boy.
What's up? Hey.
What you got for me? Uh, I got nothing.
Little help? It's not funny.
Margarita.
Sure thing.
Sasha! Sasha Cohen.
I'm so sorry.
I've got to do this, okay? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Here we go.
You ready? One, two- Hey! That's my screen saver, baby! So what happened to you? I fell during my short program.
Something tells me you didn't get up.
I'm Woody.
Hi.
What are you doing in Vegas? Just chillin'.
I'm waiting for some friends to come in from LA, and what about you? I came here to see a girl.
She ditch you? I wouldn't exactly call it " ditching.
" But we've been fighting, yes.
I'm sure about you.
I'm just worried my life is gonna change so much.
Can you imagine me in muddy jeans and hiking boots every day? I'll bet you look pretty sexy in a pair of Waffle Stompers.
Once in a while, okay, but every single day? I'm a First World kind of girl, Derek.
People are adaptable, Miss D.
Loving what you do and who you're with go a long way to helping you forget aboutJimmy Choo.
But I loveJimmy.
So she tried tojump you? She tried.
She got bare-ass naked and pinned me to the bed.
Did you get any? No.
Her husband came in.
Not that I would've anyway because I'm a professional.
I know.
Jeff told me everything.
Jeff knows? Oh, didn't I tell you guys thatJeff and Judy get off on having other people watch them try to get laid? - We followed them for nothing? - Are you kidding? You accommodated two very important clients.
- You mean " perverts.
" - No.
Poor people are perverts.
Rich people are eccentric.
What's going on? Come with me.
You won't be disappointed.
That's her.
That's her.
Let's do this.
She's hot, but I'm not gonna fake-flirt with you.
Who's he? Some guy she works with.
Danny.
Does he have a girlfriend? I don't think so.
Introduce me.
If you get with the program.
On three, fake laugh.
One, two, three.
Hey.
Sasha Cohen! How are you? Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Danny.
Nice to meet you.
- Hi, Sasha.
I'm Sam.
You're fake-flirting to make me jealous? - How'd you know? It's his only move.
Woody, uh, what happened? - He got trapped in a snow bank.
- Well, I wasn't actually trapped.
No, you're right.
You were just stuck up to your neck in snow.
I had to pull him out with my car.
You didn't tell her about that? You take him.
I'll take him.
Deal.
Uh- - Have a seat.
- So, uh- I used to play hockey.
Did you, now? Yeah.
I could skate backwards and everything.
Six the hard way.
If I leave now, I can make the last flight to Shanghai.
I thought you weren't leaving until the 20th.
No.
Listen.
Listen.
Listen to me.
Hey.
I love you, Delinda Deline, but staying here 10 more days isn't gonna make something happen that just wasn't meant to be.
Just tell your folks that I said good-bye, okay? Come on, six! Hard six, baby! Six.
Winner.
Six.
Whoo! Are you all right? - It'll be okay.
- It's okay.
Hang on.
Hang on.
I'm a doctor.
- I think the baby's coming! - Did your water break? - Three hours ago! - Why didn't you go to the hospital? And wreck the best roll of my life? Security, call an ambulance.
She's delivering now.
I need clean tablecloths from Opus and I need to sanitize my hands.
The cage has sanitary wipes for the slots.
Great.
It's okay.
You can do this.
All right? What's your name? - Kim.
- Kim, I'm Derek and this is Delinda.
Hi.
Hi.
I promised my mom in Michigan I'd get someone to videotape this.
Oh, don't worry.
Don't worry.
We have it, from multiple angles.
Paramedics are on the way.
They want to talk to you.
Yeah.
How soon? I can see the head.
Hold her hand, D.
Keep her breathing rhythmic.
- Breathe.
You can breathe.
- Come on.
Now push.
And push and breathe.
Harder.
There you go.
Push.
Harder.
And breathe.
Push.
Okay, come on.
Harder.
Almost there.
Make it happen, D.
Listen to me, Kim.
It's your last roll at the craps table and you put it all on the pass line.
- Number seven.
- Seven! - Seven.
Seven! - Seven! - Push! Push! - Seven! - Come on.
! You've got it.
! Your son is here.
Here he is.
There you go.
- Oh, my God.
- There you go.
- Yes.
- You're beautiful.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes? Yes.
Yes.
Oh.
Why do you think we only want to do it after we fight? Because make-up sex is always better.
Because we're weird.
I could get used to this.
Don't get too used to it.
You have to go back to Boston tomorrow.
Maybe I'll stay a few more days.
I have work to do.
Like I don't? Come on.
Cops get a million paid sick days.
I don't work, I don't eat.
We don't call them " sick days" if we're not sick.
It's called " personal time.
" Whatever.
I hate you.
I hate you too.
Hey.
My wife took the kid to Sacramento to her mother's.
Is that right? I thought I told you to take a walk.
You know what? First I lose my apartment, now my family.
I hold you personally responsible, Deline.
Read my lips.
Get the hell outta here.
Okay.
Well,you know what? I know when you come to work every day.
I know where you play golf every Thursday.
I know where you live.
You know where I live? Yeah.
Why don't you come visit me? Are you gonna hit me? Go on.
I'll get a lot more than $ 10,000.
- Are you threatening this man? - What is this? Boston? Are you kidding me? Security! Little help? What? Oh, come on.
All right.
Thank you.
That was very impressive.
You didn't need to do that.
That bad look in his eye- I've seen that before.
Yes.
It's the look of a douche bag.
Just be careful.
Okay, then.
There's Daddy.
Hey, Derek! How much that baby weigh? Well, Woody, seven pounds, Of course he was seven pounds, 11 ounces.
He was born next my craps table.
That's what I call a sign.
Oh, um, let's just raise our glasses here to Chance Oscar Newton.
The first and, hopefully, the last baby to be born here at the Montecito.
And to Dr.
Derek Stephenson and his very able nurse, Delinda Deline.
- So to Chance.
- To Chance.
Derek and I have an announcement too.
Delinda and I are getting married.
- Oh! Whoa! - And then my husband has to go back to Myanmar - and I'm going with him.
- When? - In 10 days.
- Ten days? Obviously, there's not enough time to plan a real wedding, so I'm hoping we can just do something small downtown.
- Downtown? - Um, correct me if I'm wrong here.
I still run this joint, don't I? - Yes, you do.
- So the grand ballroom, I assume, is not booked next weekend? I think I can probably shift things around.
And I know that Wolfgang can pull a menu together.
What about the guests, Mom? I mean, people have to come from everywhere.
I do have a plane.
A very big plane.
And you are welcome to use it.
Well, I do foresee one problem.
Uh, Mike's gonna have trouble finding a date on such short notice.
Oh! Whoa.
My friend, I have that covered.
It's you I worry about.
I thought Sasha Cohen and I had a little moment today.
I would like to make a little confession here.
Well, you know, my little girl there, when she was a teeny, little baby, well, I used to look at her every day.
I mean, every day- Even when I was mad.
And I caught myself thinking "I'm just the luckiest guy in the world.
" And I'm passing that on to you, Derek.
To Derek and Delinda.
And to the biggest wedding this town has ever seen.
How's that? Hear, hear! Ow.