Magnum, P.I. (1980) s03e22 Episode Script
The Big Blow
We're gonna die! I know it! CQ.
CQ.
My God, man, this is an emergency.
She can't have a party during a hurricane.
- You got to come.
She's having the baby.
- What baby? I think I can explain.
I was afraid she was gonna give birth on this.
Are you the prince? What did you have in mind? Although the brunt of Hurricane Kukana is expected to be borne by the islands of Kauai and Niihau, Oahu is also gearing up to receive considerable damage.
High winds have knocked out phone lines in many areas, including the North Shore, and phone company officials inform us that resumption of service is not possible until well after that storm's over.
Meanwhile power is also out in many areas and rolling blackouts are now the rule.
Please be sure that you have a plentiful supply of candles and matches as the darkness will continue on throughout Higgins, I can't find the matches.
Oh, my God.
- Whoops.
- Whoops? All you can say is whoops? Come on, Higgins, what's a little wine glass at a time like this? I was looking for the matches.
Do you expect me to feel my way over to the auxiliary generator panel? - That did not sound like a glass.
- Aha! Magnum, that was a Ming Dynasty vase given to me by General Chiang Kai-shek.
It was the spring of '48.
I was attached to his fifth division as a military adviser.
The general in command of the unit refused to follow my advice.
He is now a dishwasher in a mediocre Mandarin restaurant in Stockton, California.
- Needless to say - Ow! Give me the matches, Magnum.
- Where are you? - I'm over here.
That wasn't me.
Nevertheless, I'm holding you personally responsible - for all damages accrued - Hold it! Just hold it, Higgins.
I did not start this hurri hurricane.
- You can't blame me for that.
- No, you didn't and I can't.
But the damage from your spastic fumbling far overrides any fury nature has wrought or will wrought.
My spastic fumbling? Higgins, you knocked over the Bridge on the River Kwai.
Oh, my God.
Sorry.
Now, I'm going back to the guesthouse to close my shutters and open the refrigerator.
- Good night, Higgins.
- One moment, Magnum.
I'm going to need you for the party.
You're not going through with this? Magnum, Mr.
Masters' Spring Equinox Weekend Party is one of the premier social events of the season.
To miss it would be unthinkable.
This hurricane that's brewing is also one of the premier events of the season.
To miss it would be impossible.
Don't you think it might be a good idea to call this off? It's out of the question.
The guests are already en route, as is Mr.
Masters.
How do you propose cancellation, by carrier pigeon? The phones, in case you forgot, are down.
- Call them on your shortwave radio.
- The guests don't have shortwave.
Oh.
Higgins, it doesn't make any sense.
You can't have a party during a hurricane.
Magnum, your propensity for overstatement and panic never ceases to amaze me.
I checked with the National Weather Service and we have nothing to worry about.
The estate will be on the far periphery of the storm.
A few gusts of wind, a spot or two of rain, nothing more.
I believe the party is about to begin.
Try not to be too destructive.
- Yes? - Archie MacPherson.
One moment, Mr.
MacPherson.
I'll open the gate.
I'd be grateful, laddie.
Mr.
Masters' accountant.
He's also using the trip to undertake a complete audit of the estate's expenses including automobiles, wines, electronic equipment and the feasibility of keeping a full-time security expert.
Jonathan Higgins.
Archie MacPherson.
- Good meeting you, finally.
- How do you do? I still haven't received the statements from last month.
Well, they're in the mail.
Allow me to take your things while Magnum gets you a drink.
- Excellent.
- Scotch.
Neat.
Now, Mr.
Magnum, that's very good detective work.
- Thank you.
- Mr.
Masters speaks very highly of you.
- He does? - Aye.
Mr.
MacPherson, I thought Mr.
Masters would be arriving with you.
Sorry, Higgins, he's delayed in Paris.
A dalliance with one of the dancers in the Folies Bergère.
He will not arrive till tomorrow morning.
Oh.
- Then he'll miss dinner.
- Aye, but not dessert.
He said to start without him.
Where are the others? - Yes? - Roland and Wanda Martine.
Right away, Your Majesties.
I'll release the gate.
Thank you, Higgins.
The prince and princess of Tervia.
Fixtures at Mr.
Masters' parties.
He is one of the most cultured men on the continent.
Really? What do they do? Do? They're royalty.
They go to and give parties.
That's what they do.
- Have you ever been to Tervia? - No.
A delightful principality, actually.
Nestled high in the Pyrenees.
Very picturesque.
I was there for six months in '42, recuperating from a severe leg wound.
I was hidden in a monastery where all the monks had taken vows of silence.
As you can well imagine, communication was somewhat difficult.
- In fact, all they could do was listen to me.
- Thank you.
One day this particular chap could no longer control himself.
Needless to say, I was shocked at the words emanating from I hope Magnum displays proper respect for royalty.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi.
Good evening.
Higgins? No, I'm Magnum but people get us mixed up all the time.
May I get you Your Highness - Highnesses.
- Highnesses a drink? - Wonderful.
Courvoisier.
- Yes, Your Highnesses.
And a Mai Tai with a pineapple in the top.
OK? Of course, Your Highnesses.
Why don't you go in the dining room? I will bring them in.
- Splendid.
You'll see to our bag? - Of course, Your Highnesses.
Yes, right.
Straight up the gravel drive.
Thank you.
Good evening, Your Majesties.
- Higgins? - Yes.
So good of you to come.
Lovely to be here.
This is Archibald MacPherson.
If you'll excuse me for a moment.
- Good evening.
- Your Highness.
- Mr.
MacPherson.
- Oh, Your Highness.
- Who's this one, the Duke of Earl? - Duke Davis.
Would you let him in? Duke Davis? I believe I just said that.
My God, Magnum.
The expression on your face is reminiscent of an adolescent who's just received his first kiss.
The Duke Davis? From Detroit? Yes, the Panthers.
Tigers.
Detroit Tigers.
Don't you know that last season he hit 326? He slugged 34 home runs.
Drove in 116, scored 105.
Hit 39 doubles, nine triples, stole 47 bases, committed only six errors, won the Golden Glove, the team MVP and in the all-star game - Woo! Boy, the hawk is out tonight, son.
- Yeah.
- Tossing coconuts around like fast balls.
- Yeah.
- You Higgins? - Yeah.
- Where's Robbie? - Huh? Robin Masters? I promised I'd work with him on his stroke.
He tends to inside-out on his swing.
I guess you don't know what I'm talking about.
Where is everybody? Yeah? You gotta help me, man.
Let us in.
Who are you? It's nobody you know.
Our van just broke down on the highway.
I'm with my brother and his wife.
She's about to have a kid.
You gotta let us in, man.
Please.
Hold on a minute.
I'll come out and let you in.
Thanks, but hurry.
The Florida Keys, '53 or '54, it was.
I was deep-sea fishing with Papa in his ketch when we got word of the hurricane over the shortwave.
In that part of the worid hurricanes are really hurricanes, not this overblown squall that the media's so excited about.
- Papa decided - Excuse me, Higgins.
Was he working on The Old Man And The Sea then? The manuscript was only in the outline stage at that point and it had a quite different title, something like Grandfather's Fish.
But after many hours of discussion and careful perusing of the character and plot, we were able to effect some changes that no doubt Higgins, a lot of people look at that book as a metaphor for the indomitability of the human spirit, but I prefer to take it on its own terms.
A story of stirring high adventure.
Quite.
Actually A tribute to man's persistence and heroism.
Really, Rollie, you do know how boring you get sometimes.
- Can't we talk about something else? - Wanda, please.
Higgins, more Mai Tais, please.
- And don't forget the pineapple.
- Of course, Your Majesty.
Call me Wanda.
Yes.
So, Mr.
MacPherson, what's Robbie think about deferred payment contracts? Tax-wise, of course, they're great, but they inhibit your present investment power.
Tell me, what's it like to be playing in the same infield with Lou Whittaker? - Higgins, these people are - Most assuredly not on the guest list.
Explain yourself.
That's what I was trying to do.
- Look, we don't mean to cause any trouble.
- I am sure not.
However Their van broke down and it's pouring rain outside.
Fine.
Call a tow truck and have them wait in the guesthouse.
Call a tow truck? Higgins, the phones are out.
- I'm aware of that.
You can use - We're taking one of your cars.
I beg your pardon? And while you're at it, why don't you fill it up with all your money and stuff? We'll take the purple Rolls.
Bad news from the National Weather Service.
Hurricane Kukana has abruptly changed direction and is headed on a collision course with Oahu's North Shore.
You have three hours to batten down everything you don't want sent to Australia.
Following is a list of evacuation centers I must warn you, this criminal endeavor will ultimately put you behind bars.
- Your only rational alternative - This is our only rational alternative, mister.
We just came from behind bars.
Move it before this storm gets any worse.
Miss Miss.
Just a second, you creep.
I'm very sorry.
- How many more guests? - One, plus Mr.
Masters.
- What do you plan to do? - Nothing.
Come on, get his stuff.
You sure about this, Randy? Why don't we get the car and get outta here? That way It's still armed robbery.
We might as well take everything.
- Your brother is making very good sense.
- Does he look like my brother? If you don't get back to where you were I will blow your brains out the back of your head.
I see.
I need your wallet.
- How about that ring there too? - That's my Worid Series ring.
Hey.
Win another one, Duke.
That's a sport.
OK, let's hit it.
Come on.
- Come on.
Let's go to the car.
- I wish you hadn't - Gail? - I'm OK.
- It's not time yet.
- Sure? Yeah, she's sure.
Come on, let's just go.
Go ahead.
Hello, lady.
Answer it.
- Yes? - Candace Wingate.
Candace Wingate.
Explosions In Poetry magazine.
Right away, Miss Wingate.
Thank you, darling.
You're so kind.
Inasmuch as I'm out here standing in the rain.
That's standing, darling, not singing.
Sorry.
Just drive right through.
- I'll open the door.
- Wait a minute.
I gotta think.
- Don't unduly strain yourself.
- Shut up.
- All right.
Go ahead.
No - Funny business.
It's all right.
We let the broad in, we take her stuff, we split.
- I gotta lay back down first.
- Oh, I knew it.
Dammit, Randy.
If it wasn't for Gail we'd still be in the work camp.
If my sister had a moustache she'd be my brother.
Now, you can take a nap in the car.
The butler guy, he didn't get the door.
All right, you cover them.
Easy.
Real easy now.
Don't worry, guy.
This gonna be your first kid? CQ.
CQ.
WP6 RNA.
CQ.
CQ.
WP6 RNA.
My God, isn't anyone there? Yeah, bro.
Howzit? This is Dr.
Pipeline.
Over.
I beg your pardon? You still on C.
B.
Band, bro.
Dr.
Pipeline, that's my handle.
What you like? Over.
Yes, this is Jonathan Quayle Higgins out at Robin's Nest.
Do you copy? Birds? What you bother me with birds for, bro? There's a big wind brewing, yeah? Over.
I know that, my good man.
This is an emergency.
- Your car? - No, the autos are quite secure.
We're being held by armed robbers.
Then why you hassle me? I got a tow truck out on the Kalanianaole Highway.
It's a big mess out here, bro.
Over.
Don't you understand? We're being held prisoners.
I know, brother.
By this storm.
Look, you stay inside and keep this channel clear.
It's only for emergencies.
Understand? Over and out.
My God, man, this is an emergency.
- Crazy haole.
- CQ.
CQ.
Don't do it.
Please.
Get up there, mister, or the second barrel is for your doggies.
Stay, lads.
I appreciate it, mister.
I got a golden retriever myself.
I see you've found the gun collection.
Yeah, and some that was out of the collection.
You are one paranoid dude, man, aren't you? Lads! See? You are paranoid.
I don't blame him.
Don't you realize that it's dangerous to shoot off guns inside a house and criminal to destroy such fine wine? Hello, Jonathan.
I swear Robin throws a party just like he writes.
- Tacky, tacky, tacky.
- Thank you, darling.
This is the only party I've been to where the guests are the door prizes.
I hope you're comfortable, dear.
Higgins, you've been shot! Hardly, Magnum.
This is a quite immature Chateau Marcel '77.
Your concern is touching but I at least made an effort to get rid of these hooligans.
- And you almost got killed.
- It would have been with honor and dignity.
Fine.
Long live the empire.
Go on, I'll cover.
Bye-bye, folks.
- Come on! - Randy, you didn't, did you? A lamp, you jelly wink.
I shot out the damn lamp.
That should do it.
A wee bit of excitement but it appears no one's the worse for wear.
Speak for yourself, darling.
I was afraid she was gonna give birth on this.
Darling, please don't cry.
Why not? They took everything.
We still have each other.
- We gotta go after 'em.
- Chase them into a hurricane? You can't just let 'em get away.
They got my ring.
Even if we're stupid enough to go out there, they got more than your ring, they got guns.
There's absolutely nothing we can do.
Let me tell you something, pal.
If we're down 11 to 1 in the eighth inning, we still run out the grounders.
We still play aggressive ball.
You were dogging it.
- He's right.
And put it in your own parlance.
- Come on.
- I'm going to have to tell Mr.
Masters.
- Higgins.
There goes the auxiliary generator.
We need the kerosene lamps.
- You know where they are.
- Come with me.
How droll.
Just like Key Largo.
Yeah, except that was in black and white.
Higgins? You know those spooky movies where the mansion's all dark and the people run around and they're scared stiff and like that and they carry a candelabra? Well, these things are heavy.
Magnum, your behavior has been inexplicable.
Inexplicable? Well, then, perhaps I'd better explain.
- Please.
- Hold this on the bottom.
- Your acquiescence to those hooligans - Was for a damn good reason.
- Why? Where did you leave the matches? - On the bar.
- We haven't got any.
- Here are some.
Then give them to me.
- Look, I just wanted 'em out of the house.
- As did we all, but But nothing! Robbery is one thing, murder's another.
Murder? He didn't shoot me, he shot the radio and an Immature Chateau Marcel 1977.
I know that.
I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about Robin Masters.
One of the guests is trying to kill him.
How do you know that? Because he told me, that's why.
My job is to catch the killer.
Kids stealing wallets and jewelry is a complication we could do without.
Now at least we've got a chance.
- Get in here.
- You're Yeah, we're back.
- Why? I thought - Yeah, so did we.
But there ain't any more purple Rolls or any cars.
They're waist deep in mud.
We're booked for the duration.
High winds and rough surf continue to pound the North Shore in anticipation of the Big Blow, as the locals are beginning to nickname it.
The National Weather Service, however, calls it Kukana and predicts the full force of the hurricane will hit Oahu at about 1:30 this morning, so wherever you are, do you and your loved ones a big favor - stay put.
And I mean put.
Got me? Mmm? Lmpressive but foolish.
After all, if you think Not only do I think I can keep you jerks here, I know it.
You got no place to go, no means to get there and a real mean headwind.
Look at you.
I know what you're thinking.
Big plots, huh? Before you get two feet out of that door or any door, this pretty young lady is gonna get her head blown right off.
Stay put.
That goes for everybody.
Nobody leaves this house except me and Candy here.
Look, don't make matters worse by taking hostages.
All I want is six hours.
Just me and Candy.
She's in a good deal of pain.
With your permission I'll move her to the den.
Go ahead.
Move her.
Just you and me.
How delightful.
You remind me of my third husband.
He was the strong and stupid type too.
- I can see why he divorced you.
- He's dead.
Now, now.
Everything's all right, dear.
Nothing to be alarmed about.
Actually this reminds me of a time in Persia when I found myself acting as midwife to a Kurdistani peasant girl.
There were no modern facilities or even rudimentary medical implements.
What's that got to do The girl couldn't speak English.
All she could do was gibber in Kurdish.
My instructions went totally unheeded and it necessitated rendering her unconscious Higgins! - How are you doing? - All right.
For a woman about to give birth, she's doing remarkably well.
- It sounds like - She's fine.
Beginning to dilate, actually.
The other guests, how are they doing? Fine, considering your buddy has a 12-gauge pointed at a woman's head.
- He's not my buddy.
- He was Lou's cellmate.
I couldn't take one without the other.
Look, mister.
Both of you.
I'm real sorry about this.
All me and Lou ever wanted was a chance to be together when the kid was born.
- What's that got to do with robbing people? - Listen, it was Randy's idea.
Maybe so, but you were holding a gun on us too.
- I think it's time to boil some water up.
- Higgins For tea, Magnum.
I think a spot of tea would go down nicely now.
If her breathing changes we'll be in the kitchen.
Sure.
Sure.
Her breathing.
I got you.
- Will you stop that? - What? I thought you wanted some tea.
What I want is to know why Mr.
Masters didn't inform me of this plot.
These guests are his closest friends.
I know them as well as he does.
That is precisely why he didn't tell you.
You wouldn't have my objectivity about them.
I see.
Come on, Higgins.
I'm sure it was nothing personal.
Robin called me a couple of days ago.
For the last six months he's been receiving death threats.
Possibly a prankster.
That's what he thought until his secretary got one that was real specific.
- What do you mean? This party? - Exactly.
I want you to know, Higgins, I have got everything under control.
No one has been in any danger - Her breathing's changed.
- Changed? How? Well, you know, first it's real fast, like she's panting, and then it stops and starts again.
- That's labor.
- Labor.
It's perfectly normal.
Go back to her.
This could take hours.
OK.
Thanks, Doc.
- Doc? - Cambridge, '47.
Doctor of mathematics.
Higgins, is there anything you haven't done, anywhere you haven't been? We don't have time now for your rhetorical irrelevancies.
- Who is your prime suspect? - I don't have one.
Brilliant.
You've failed to do your homework.
How Robin could entrust you with this Higgins, I have done my homework and that's just the problem.
None of the guests has a motive.
In fact they all owe Robin in a big way.
- I know that.
- For instance, Duke Davis.
He was supported by Robin when he kicked around the minor leagues.
Without his help he would have gone back to Donora years ago.
- Donora? - Pennsylvania.
Stan Musial's home town.
Roland was bankrolled by Robin during his stint at Columbia after his parents cut him off and tried to drag him home.
I know that.
Robin anonymously supported Candace's magazine for 25 years.
God knows why.
Explosions In Poetry happens to be a very erudite publication.
Be that as it may.
Archie MacPherson's grandson would not be running around except for a dialysis machine Robin bought.
- Do you know what those things cost? - Magnum, I know all that.
So everything you've done has been part of your charade? Your protestations about the party, ignorance of our guests, your childish infatuation with Duke Davis and the Detroit Panthers.
- Tigers.
- Whatever.
The one thing that seems to have eluded you is a suspect.
You're right.
But I do have a plan, Higgins.
First, though, we gotta get rid of Randy.
- Doc, the baby moved.
- What? Yeah.
First it was on one side and now it's on the other.
- You gotta come quick.
- That's also normal.
The baby's moving closer to the birth canal.
Well, perhaps we'd better have a look.
Come along, Magnum.
Oh, God! It hurts! Quite.
Bringing a new life into this worid is never easy, otherwise they wouldn't call it labor.
Under these conditions, the dangers - Dangers? What dangers? - What dangers? Magnum, take over here.
All right OK? I don't mean to alarm you but perhaps you've noticed this is not Honolulu General.
Robin's Nest was not designed as a maternity ward.
What are you saying? Merely that if something should go wrong or any complications should develop - Yeah, but you're a doctor.
- Of mathematics.
- What? - Mathematics.
One and one equal two.
And armed robbery equals five to 15 in Oahu prison, not some country club work camp.
Yeah, but what about that Kurdistani woman? Sheer luck.
- No, you said you were a doctor.
- And you said you had a flat tire.
Oh, God.
What am I gonna do? Well, young man, I have had some medical training and maybe I can be of help.
And maybe you can be of help too.
Yeah, we were gonna have it all.
Roland was going to write big, beautiful novels and I was gonna do the pictures.
Everything was going to be just peachy.
Until he couldn't get published.
Wanda, please.
Let's not Don't Wanda me.
- It's Your Highness.
- It was Wanda when I met you.
Yeah, when I was waiting on tables at the student union and you were the B.
M.
O.
C.
The prince from the country nobody ever heard of.
You were gonna sweep me off my feet and take me away from it all.
Yeah? Great.
Where do I end up? In the middle of a freaking hurricane with a bunch of mass murderers and lunatics.
I thought being a princess was gonna be fun.
Not too many giris from the Bronx get to live in a castle.
That's for sure.
No heat, no air, no pool except for the moat.
- I mean, who needs it? - You tell 'em, toots.
What the hell kind of life is this anyway? Nothing but parties on top of parties and small talk about books and movies and plays nobody ever heard of.
I mean, you can take this high society stuff, Your Majesty.
Cos if we ever get out of this, I'm going back to the Bronx.
- So there.
- Randy! Randy! Come here! Come here quick! - Yo.
- I caught the limey trying to escape.
That was a bad mistake, man.
A real bad mistake.
I say.
Good show, chaps.
Yeah, thanks, Lou.
Grab me that lamp cord, will you? I guess being a parent kind of changes your perspective on things.
- Why don't you try a clove hitch? - I am using a clove hitch.
Magnum, what precisely is your plan, if you have one? - I've been trying to tell you ever since - You don't have one.
I do.
Or at least I did.
I called Rick and T.
C.
To tell them what was happening.
Tell Rick and T.
C.
And not me? I have explained all that.
Give me a hand with him, will you? Anyway, they are flying to the estate just as soon as the storm is over.
Rick will be disguised to look like Robin.
Rick trying to impersonate Mr.
Masters? Have you lost your senses? From a distance no one will know the difference.
They're both short.
That'll put us in a position to nail the killer when he or she makes a move.
Do you think anyone would try to assassinate Mr.
Masters on his front lawn? No, Higgins, I don't.
But Robin will want to take a shower and a nap before greeting his guests.
Am I right? That means he's going to be alone in the privacy of his bedroom.
So when the killer tippy-toes up the stairs into the darkened room, I'll be waiting.
It's foolproof.
With Rick and T.
C.
Involved, nothing is foolproof.
Higgins? I really resent that.
A joke is a joke but I take my job seriously and I take my responsibility to Robin seriously.
I've given this long and complete consideration and I am willing to tell you unequivocally there is nothing, I repeat, nothing, that could possibly go wrong.
We can explain, Thomas.
You got to come.
She's starting to have the baby.
- What baby? - My baby.
- Who are you? - Who are you guys? - Friends.
- Of the family.
Speaking of which, another member is about to arrive.
What is going on around here? - What's wrong? - Wrong? What could possibly go wrong? Guys, I think I can explain.
It is now 2:12am and the full force of Hurricane Kukana has struck Oahu.
All power and phone lines are out and damage is reportedly widespread and extensive but because of the almost total breakdown in communications we can't verify any reports of injuries or property damage and as far as we know, we here at KDIM are the last station Now, please calm down.
There is no need to panic.
- But she's yelling and screaming.
- She's well into labor.
Her water has broken.
Congratulations.
You're about to become a father.
Jeez.
What am I supposed to do, Doc? Fortunately for everyone, you don't need to do anything except comfort your wife.
- Well, go.
- Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
- We're gonna die! I know it! - Will you shut up? Rollie, did you hear what that witch said to me? Rollie, do something about it.
I'm your wife.
I'm the princess of Tervia.
Wanda, shut up.
Guys, guys, please.
Will everybody just take it easy, please? Rick and T.
C.
Can nail everything down and we can sit tight.
It's the best we can do.
It's the only thing we can do.
We're gonna die, I know it! - Lady - Shut up! - Come on, Rick.
You got that, T.
C.
? - Yeah, I got it.
Rick, do something about that window.
Magnum, put this water on to boil.
- Boil water.
I saw that in a movie once.
- Rick, please! You sure you know what you're doing? I know precisely what I'm doing.
It's time.
Scrub up, lads, and join me in the den.
Wait.
What about the guy that's supposed to kill Robin? What are we supposed to do? Nothing.
The baby's coming.
Mr.
Masters isn't.
Wait.
Will you just wait, Higgins? That's just it.
- Robin is already here.
- What? He's been here all along.
And you didn't tell me? What the bloody hell is that? - A Walther PPK.
- I know that.
Like I said, no one here has ever really been in any danger.
What about me, staring down the barrel of a 12-gauge shotgun? Oh.
Good point.
Nobody's perfect.
Anyway don't worry, Higgins.
I have another plan.
Perfect, no doubt.
- Wanda.
- Yeah? - Oh, er, I mean Your Highness.
- Yeah? - Where is everybody? - Gone.
Where? I don't know.
Not my night to watch.
The storm probably blew 'em away.
Your Highness, I need your help.
You need help? We all need help.
We're all gonna die here.
Drown like rats.
Yes.
Your Highness, may I be direct with you? I don't know.
What did you have in mind? Look.
Um I'm a private investigator and I have been retained for the express purpose of protecting Robin Masters' life.
What's to protect? He's not even here.
Yes, he is, Your Highness.
He's here in the house.
And I have information that one of the guests is trying to kill him.
Kill him? The party wasn't that bad.
Look.
You can help me by just keeping your eyes and ears open.
I trust you.
I'm going to try and round everybody else up and get them back in here, OK? Sure.
No problem.
Hey, Mr.
Private Investigator.
Where do you have him hidden? Upstairs.
In the bedroom.
Pssst! - You startled me, laddie.
- Sorry, Mr.
MacPherson.
- Listen, you got a minute? - Aye, plenty of them.
I'm a private investigator.
I'm retained by your boss.
Somebody at this party is trying to kill him.
He asked me to tell you he's stashed upstairs in his bedroom.
Here's what I'd like you to do.
Duke.
I need your help.
What are you talking about? You got the punk, didn't you? Yeah, but not whoever is out to kill Robin.
What? Look, I'm a private investigator and I'm retained for the express purpose of protecting Robin Masters' life.
But Robbie is not here.
That's what everybody thinks.
Prince, that you? Well, I'm a private investigator retained by Robin Masters.
Remember, Robin trusts you.
Not a word to anyone.
I promise, darling.
This entire episode reminds me so much of the plot of one of Robin's earlier works, Blood Of The August Kitten.
Mm.
Where do you have him? If you can't tell me Upstairs.
In the bedroom.
How appropriate.
Ah! Goodness! Don't do that! You know better than to sneak up on the back of me like that.
Keep it up.
Steady as you go.
Now, breathe regularly.
That's it.
Now, one, two, three, blow.
That's it.
That's it, baby.
That's it.
- How's it going? - Our plan is doing fine.
Yours? - It's all set.
- I'm going to need some assistance.
Well, sounds like it's time to go to work.
- You gonna be all right? - Quite.
Get on with your plan.
Right.
Bye.
Good luck.
Here.
Right here.
I need some water.
She's sweating pretty bad.
Gonna be all right.
Push.
Push.
Relax.
Now breathe.
- Sounds good.
- Now, relax.
Now breathe.
Now push.
One, two, three, push.
That's it, push.
Fine, now relax.
Now push.
One, two, three, push, push.
That's it.
- I can't.
I can't.
- You must.
Push.
I can see it.
I can see the baby's head.
- I can't believe it! - Come on, lady, you can do it.
- Push, push! - Push! Push! Push! Aaah Coochy-coochy-coo.
Coochy-coochy-coo? Already you're severely jeopardizing the child's emotional development.
- It's bad enough that you're holding him.
- Lighten up, Higgie baby.
Rick gets along fine with kids and babies.
They share many of the same characteristics.
Come on, you guys.
Yeah, she's right.
What are you guys gonna name him? - Oh, my God.
- What? What? - She's going to have another child.
- Oh, my God.
That's no way to treat an old friend.
Why? Paris, March 1957.
Rue Des Chanteuses.
My dear, that was all a terrible misunderstanding.
- If I could just explain.
- No.
- No, I couldn't bear it.
- Please.
That will be all, thank you.
- Congratulations, young man.
- Thanks, Doc.
I mean, thanks a lot.
Oh, boy, honey, this is gonna be a lot of diapers.
I hope you're out of jail soon to enjoy your sons.
- Would you like to hold the lads? - Yes.
Gentlemen.
- What are you gonna call them? - That's gonna be Louis Junior.
And this little guy right here is gonna be named Jonathan Thomas Orville Theodore Blassingame.
What? Speaking of lads, Higgins, where are your lads? Oh, my God!
CQ.
My God, man, this is an emergency.
She can't have a party during a hurricane.
- You got to come.
She's having the baby.
- What baby? I think I can explain.
I was afraid she was gonna give birth on this.
Are you the prince? What did you have in mind? Although the brunt of Hurricane Kukana is expected to be borne by the islands of Kauai and Niihau, Oahu is also gearing up to receive considerable damage.
High winds have knocked out phone lines in many areas, including the North Shore, and phone company officials inform us that resumption of service is not possible until well after that storm's over.
Meanwhile power is also out in many areas and rolling blackouts are now the rule.
Please be sure that you have a plentiful supply of candles and matches as the darkness will continue on throughout Higgins, I can't find the matches.
Oh, my God.
- Whoops.
- Whoops? All you can say is whoops? Come on, Higgins, what's a little wine glass at a time like this? I was looking for the matches.
Do you expect me to feel my way over to the auxiliary generator panel? - That did not sound like a glass.
- Aha! Magnum, that was a Ming Dynasty vase given to me by General Chiang Kai-shek.
It was the spring of '48.
I was attached to his fifth division as a military adviser.
The general in command of the unit refused to follow my advice.
He is now a dishwasher in a mediocre Mandarin restaurant in Stockton, California.
- Needless to say - Ow! Give me the matches, Magnum.
- Where are you? - I'm over here.
That wasn't me.
Nevertheless, I'm holding you personally responsible - for all damages accrued - Hold it! Just hold it, Higgins.
I did not start this hurri hurricane.
- You can't blame me for that.
- No, you didn't and I can't.
But the damage from your spastic fumbling far overrides any fury nature has wrought or will wrought.
My spastic fumbling? Higgins, you knocked over the Bridge on the River Kwai.
Oh, my God.
Sorry.
Now, I'm going back to the guesthouse to close my shutters and open the refrigerator.
- Good night, Higgins.
- One moment, Magnum.
I'm going to need you for the party.
You're not going through with this? Magnum, Mr.
Masters' Spring Equinox Weekend Party is one of the premier social events of the season.
To miss it would be unthinkable.
This hurricane that's brewing is also one of the premier events of the season.
To miss it would be impossible.
Don't you think it might be a good idea to call this off? It's out of the question.
The guests are already en route, as is Mr.
Masters.
How do you propose cancellation, by carrier pigeon? The phones, in case you forgot, are down.
- Call them on your shortwave radio.
- The guests don't have shortwave.
Oh.
Higgins, it doesn't make any sense.
You can't have a party during a hurricane.
Magnum, your propensity for overstatement and panic never ceases to amaze me.
I checked with the National Weather Service and we have nothing to worry about.
The estate will be on the far periphery of the storm.
A few gusts of wind, a spot or two of rain, nothing more.
I believe the party is about to begin.
Try not to be too destructive.
- Yes? - Archie MacPherson.
One moment, Mr.
MacPherson.
I'll open the gate.
I'd be grateful, laddie.
Mr.
Masters' accountant.
He's also using the trip to undertake a complete audit of the estate's expenses including automobiles, wines, electronic equipment and the feasibility of keeping a full-time security expert.
Jonathan Higgins.
Archie MacPherson.
- Good meeting you, finally.
- How do you do? I still haven't received the statements from last month.
Well, they're in the mail.
Allow me to take your things while Magnum gets you a drink.
- Excellent.
- Scotch.
Neat.
Now, Mr.
Magnum, that's very good detective work.
- Thank you.
- Mr.
Masters speaks very highly of you.
- He does? - Aye.
Mr.
MacPherson, I thought Mr.
Masters would be arriving with you.
Sorry, Higgins, he's delayed in Paris.
A dalliance with one of the dancers in the Folies Bergère.
He will not arrive till tomorrow morning.
Oh.
- Then he'll miss dinner.
- Aye, but not dessert.
He said to start without him.
Where are the others? - Yes? - Roland and Wanda Martine.
Right away, Your Majesties.
I'll release the gate.
Thank you, Higgins.
The prince and princess of Tervia.
Fixtures at Mr.
Masters' parties.
He is one of the most cultured men on the continent.
Really? What do they do? Do? They're royalty.
They go to and give parties.
That's what they do.
- Have you ever been to Tervia? - No.
A delightful principality, actually.
Nestled high in the Pyrenees.
Very picturesque.
I was there for six months in '42, recuperating from a severe leg wound.
I was hidden in a monastery where all the monks had taken vows of silence.
As you can well imagine, communication was somewhat difficult.
- In fact, all they could do was listen to me.
- Thank you.
One day this particular chap could no longer control himself.
Needless to say, I was shocked at the words emanating from I hope Magnum displays proper respect for royalty.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi.
Good evening.
Higgins? No, I'm Magnum but people get us mixed up all the time.
May I get you Your Highness - Highnesses.
- Highnesses a drink? - Wonderful.
Courvoisier.
- Yes, Your Highnesses.
And a Mai Tai with a pineapple in the top.
OK? Of course, Your Highnesses.
Why don't you go in the dining room? I will bring them in.
- Splendid.
You'll see to our bag? - Of course, Your Highnesses.
Yes, right.
Straight up the gravel drive.
Thank you.
Good evening, Your Majesties.
- Higgins? - Yes.
So good of you to come.
Lovely to be here.
This is Archibald MacPherson.
If you'll excuse me for a moment.
- Good evening.
- Your Highness.
- Mr.
MacPherson.
- Oh, Your Highness.
- Who's this one, the Duke of Earl? - Duke Davis.
Would you let him in? Duke Davis? I believe I just said that.
My God, Magnum.
The expression on your face is reminiscent of an adolescent who's just received his first kiss.
The Duke Davis? From Detroit? Yes, the Panthers.
Tigers.
Detroit Tigers.
Don't you know that last season he hit 326? He slugged 34 home runs.
Drove in 116, scored 105.
Hit 39 doubles, nine triples, stole 47 bases, committed only six errors, won the Golden Glove, the team MVP and in the all-star game - Woo! Boy, the hawk is out tonight, son.
- Yeah.
- Tossing coconuts around like fast balls.
- Yeah.
- You Higgins? - Yeah.
- Where's Robbie? - Huh? Robin Masters? I promised I'd work with him on his stroke.
He tends to inside-out on his swing.
I guess you don't know what I'm talking about.
Where is everybody? Yeah? You gotta help me, man.
Let us in.
Who are you? It's nobody you know.
Our van just broke down on the highway.
I'm with my brother and his wife.
She's about to have a kid.
You gotta let us in, man.
Please.
Hold on a minute.
I'll come out and let you in.
Thanks, but hurry.
The Florida Keys, '53 or '54, it was.
I was deep-sea fishing with Papa in his ketch when we got word of the hurricane over the shortwave.
In that part of the worid hurricanes are really hurricanes, not this overblown squall that the media's so excited about.
- Papa decided - Excuse me, Higgins.
Was he working on The Old Man And The Sea then? The manuscript was only in the outline stage at that point and it had a quite different title, something like Grandfather's Fish.
But after many hours of discussion and careful perusing of the character and plot, we were able to effect some changes that no doubt Higgins, a lot of people look at that book as a metaphor for the indomitability of the human spirit, but I prefer to take it on its own terms.
A story of stirring high adventure.
Quite.
Actually A tribute to man's persistence and heroism.
Really, Rollie, you do know how boring you get sometimes.
- Can't we talk about something else? - Wanda, please.
Higgins, more Mai Tais, please.
- And don't forget the pineapple.
- Of course, Your Majesty.
Call me Wanda.
Yes.
So, Mr.
MacPherson, what's Robbie think about deferred payment contracts? Tax-wise, of course, they're great, but they inhibit your present investment power.
Tell me, what's it like to be playing in the same infield with Lou Whittaker? - Higgins, these people are - Most assuredly not on the guest list.
Explain yourself.
That's what I was trying to do.
- Look, we don't mean to cause any trouble.
- I am sure not.
However Their van broke down and it's pouring rain outside.
Fine.
Call a tow truck and have them wait in the guesthouse.
Call a tow truck? Higgins, the phones are out.
- I'm aware of that.
You can use - We're taking one of your cars.
I beg your pardon? And while you're at it, why don't you fill it up with all your money and stuff? We'll take the purple Rolls.
Bad news from the National Weather Service.
Hurricane Kukana has abruptly changed direction and is headed on a collision course with Oahu's North Shore.
You have three hours to batten down everything you don't want sent to Australia.
Following is a list of evacuation centers I must warn you, this criminal endeavor will ultimately put you behind bars.
- Your only rational alternative - This is our only rational alternative, mister.
We just came from behind bars.
Move it before this storm gets any worse.
Miss Miss.
Just a second, you creep.
I'm very sorry.
- How many more guests? - One, plus Mr.
Masters.
- What do you plan to do? - Nothing.
Come on, get his stuff.
You sure about this, Randy? Why don't we get the car and get outta here? That way It's still armed robbery.
We might as well take everything.
- Your brother is making very good sense.
- Does he look like my brother? If you don't get back to where you were I will blow your brains out the back of your head.
I see.
I need your wallet.
- How about that ring there too? - That's my Worid Series ring.
Hey.
Win another one, Duke.
That's a sport.
OK, let's hit it.
Come on.
- Come on.
Let's go to the car.
- I wish you hadn't - Gail? - I'm OK.
- It's not time yet.
- Sure? Yeah, she's sure.
Come on, let's just go.
Go ahead.
Hello, lady.
Answer it.
- Yes? - Candace Wingate.
Candace Wingate.
Explosions In Poetry magazine.
Right away, Miss Wingate.
Thank you, darling.
You're so kind.
Inasmuch as I'm out here standing in the rain.
That's standing, darling, not singing.
Sorry.
Just drive right through.
- I'll open the door.
- Wait a minute.
I gotta think.
- Don't unduly strain yourself.
- Shut up.
- All right.
Go ahead.
No - Funny business.
It's all right.
We let the broad in, we take her stuff, we split.
- I gotta lay back down first.
- Oh, I knew it.
Dammit, Randy.
If it wasn't for Gail we'd still be in the work camp.
If my sister had a moustache she'd be my brother.
Now, you can take a nap in the car.
The butler guy, he didn't get the door.
All right, you cover them.
Easy.
Real easy now.
Don't worry, guy.
This gonna be your first kid? CQ.
CQ.
WP6 RNA.
CQ.
CQ.
WP6 RNA.
My God, isn't anyone there? Yeah, bro.
Howzit? This is Dr.
Pipeline.
Over.
I beg your pardon? You still on C.
B.
Band, bro.
Dr.
Pipeline, that's my handle.
What you like? Over.
Yes, this is Jonathan Quayle Higgins out at Robin's Nest.
Do you copy? Birds? What you bother me with birds for, bro? There's a big wind brewing, yeah? Over.
I know that, my good man.
This is an emergency.
- Your car? - No, the autos are quite secure.
We're being held by armed robbers.
Then why you hassle me? I got a tow truck out on the Kalanianaole Highway.
It's a big mess out here, bro.
Over.
Don't you understand? We're being held prisoners.
I know, brother.
By this storm.
Look, you stay inside and keep this channel clear.
It's only for emergencies.
Understand? Over and out.
My God, man, this is an emergency.
- Crazy haole.
- CQ.
CQ.
Don't do it.
Please.
Get up there, mister, or the second barrel is for your doggies.
Stay, lads.
I appreciate it, mister.
I got a golden retriever myself.
I see you've found the gun collection.
Yeah, and some that was out of the collection.
You are one paranoid dude, man, aren't you? Lads! See? You are paranoid.
I don't blame him.
Don't you realize that it's dangerous to shoot off guns inside a house and criminal to destroy such fine wine? Hello, Jonathan.
I swear Robin throws a party just like he writes.
- Tacky, tacky, tacky.
- Thank you, darling.
This is the only party I've been to where the guests are the door prizes.
I hope you're comfortable, dear.
Higgins, you've been shot! Hardly, Magnum.
This is a quite immature Chateau Marcel '77.
Your concern is touching but I at least made an effort to get rid of these hooligans.
- And you almost got killed.
- It would have been with honor and dignity.
Fine.
Long live the empire.
Go on, I'll cover.
Bye-bye, folks.
- Come on! - Randy, you didn't, did you? A lamp, you jelly wink.
I shot out the damn lamp.
That should do it.
A wee bit of excitement but it appears no one's the worse for wear.
Speak for yourself, darling.
I was afraid she was gonna give birth on this.
Darling, please don't cry.
Why not? They took everything.
We still have each other.
- We gotta go after 'em.
- Chase them into a hurricane? You can't just let 'em get away.
They got my ring.
Even if we're stupid enough to go out there, they got more than your ring, they got guns.
There's absolutely nothing we can do.
Let me tell you something, pal.
If we're down 11 to 1 in the eighth inning, we still run out the grounders.
We still play aggressive ball.
You were dogging it.
- He's right.
And put it in your own parlance.
- Come on.
- I'm going to have to tell Mr.
Masters.
- Higgins.
There goes the auxiliary generator.
We need the kerosene lamps.
- You know where they are.
- Come with me.
How droll.
Just like Key Largo.
Yeah, except that was in black and white.
Higgins? You know those spooky movies where the mansion's all dark and the people run around and they're scared stiff and like that and they carry a candelabra? Well, these things are heavy.
Magnum, your behavior has been inexplicable.
Inexplicable? Well, then, perhaps I'd better explain.
- Please.
- Hold this on the bottom.
- Your acquiescence to those hooligans - Was for a damn good reason.
- Why? Where did you leave the matches? - On the bar.
- We haven't got any.
- Here are some.
Then give them to me.
- Look, I just wanted 'em out of the house.
- As did we all, but But nothing! Robbery is one thing, murder's another.
Murder? He didn't shoot me, he shot the radio and an Immature Chateau Marcel 1977.
I know that.
I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about Robin Masters.
One of the guests is trying to kill him.
How do you know that? Because he told me, that's why.
My job is to catch the killer.
Kids stealing wallets and jewelry is a complication we could do without.
Now at least we've got a chance.
- Get in here.
- You're Yeah, we're back.
- Why? I thought - Yeah, so did we.
But there ain't any more purple Rolls or any cars.
They're waist deep in mud.
We're booked for the duration.
High winds and rough surf continue to pound the North Shore in anticipation of the Big Blow, as the locals are beginning to nickname it.
The National Weather Service, however, calls it Kukana and predicts the full force of the hurricane will hit Oahu at about 1:30 this morning, so wherever you are, do you and your loved ones a big favor - stay put.
And I mean put.
Got me? Mmm? Lmpressive but foolish.
After all, if you think Not only do I think I can keep you jerks here, I know it.
You got no place to go, no means to get there and a real mean headwind.
Look at you.
I know what you're thinking.
Big plots, huh? Before you get two feet out of that door or any door, this pretty young lady is gonna get her head blown right off.
Stay put.
That goes for everybody.
Nobody leaves this house except me and Candy here.
Look, don't make matters worse by taking hostages.
All I want is six hours.
Just me and Candy.
She's in a good deal of pain.
With your permission I'll move her to the den.
Go ahead.
Move her.
Just you and me.
How delightful.
You remind me of my third husband.
He was the strong and stupid type too.
- I can see why he divorced you.
- He's dead.
Now, now.
Everything's all right, dear.
Nothing to be alarmed about.
Actually this reminds me of a time in Persia when I found myself acting as midwife to a Kurdistani peasant girl.
There were no modern facilities or even rudimentary medical implements.
What's that got to do The girl couldn't speak English.
All she could do was gibber in Kurdish.
My instructions went totally unheeded and it necessitated rendering her unconscious Higgins! - How are you doing? - All right.
For a woman about to give birth, she's doing remarkably well.
- It sounds like - She's fine.
Beginning to dilate, actually.
The other guests, how are they doing? Fine, considering your buddy has a 12-gauge pointed at a woman's head.
- He's not my buddy.
- He was Lou's cellmate.
I couldn't take one without the other.
Look, mister.
Both of you.
I'm real sorry about this.
All me and Lou ever wanted was a chance to be together when the kid was born.
- What's that got to do with robbing people? - Listen, it was Randy's idea.
Maybe so, but you were holding a gun on us too.
- I think it's time to boil some water up.
- Higgins For tea, Magnum.
I think a spot of tea would go down nicely now.
If her breathing changes we'll be in the kitchen.
Sure.
Sure.
Her breathing.
I got you.
- Will you stop that? - What? I thought you wanted some tea.
What I want is to know why Mr.
Masters didn't inform me of this plot.
These guests are his closest friends.
I know them as well as he does.
That is precisely why he didn't tell you.
You wouldn't have my objectivity about them.
I see.
Come on, Higgins.
I'm sure it was nothing personal.
Robin called me a couple of days ago.
For the last six months he's been receiving death threats.
Possibly a prankster.
That's what he thought until his secretary got one that was real specific.
- What do you mean? This party? - Exactly.
I want you to know, Higgins, I have got everything under control.
No one has been in any danger - Her breathing's changed.
- Changed? How? Well, you know, first it's real fast, like she's panting, and then it stops and starts again.
- That's labor.
- Labor.
It's perfectly normal.
Go back to her.
This could take hours.
OK.
Thanks, Doc.
- Doc? - Cambridge, '47.
Doctor of mathematics.
Higgins, is there anything you haven't done, anywhere you haven't been? We don't have time now for your rhetorical irrelevancies.
- Who is your prime suspect? - I don't have one.
Brilliant.
You've failed to do your homework.
How Robin could entrust you with this Higgins, I have done my homework and that's just the problem.
None of the guests has a motive.
In fact they all owe Robin in a big way.
- I know that.
- For instance, Duke Davis.
He was supported by Robin when he kicked around the minor leagues.
Without his help he would have gone back to Donora years ago.
- Donora? - Pennsylvania.
Stan Musial's home town.
Roland was bankrolled by Robin during his stint at Columbia after his parents cut him off and tried to drag him home.
I know that.
Robin anonymously supported Candace's magazine for 25 years.
God knows why.
Explosions In Poetry happens to be a very erudite publication.
Be that as it may.
Archie MacPherson's grandson would not be running around except for a dialysis machine Robin bought.
- Do you know what those things cost? - Magnum, I know all that.
So everything you've done has been part of your charade? Your protestations about the party, ignorance of our guests, your childish infatuation with Duke Davis and the Detroit Panthers.
- Tigers.
- Whatever.
The one thing that seems to have eluded you is a suspect.
You're right.
But I do have a plan, Higgins.
First, though, we gotta get rid of Randy.
- Doc, the baby moved.
- What? Yeah.
First it was on one side and now it's on the other.
- You gotta come quick.
- That's also normal.
The baby's moving closer to the birth canal.
Well, perhaps we'd better have a look.
Come along, Magnum.
Oh, God! It hurts! Quite.
Bringing a new life into this worid is never easy, otherwise they wouldn't call it labor.
Under these conditions, the dangers - Dangers? What dangers? - What dangers? Magnum, take over here.
All right OK? I don't mean to alarm you but perhaps you've noticed this is not Honolulu General.
Robin's Nest was not designed as a maternity ward.
What are you saying? Merely that if something should go wrong or any complications should develop - Yeah, but you're a doctor.
- Of mathematics.
- What? - Mathematics.
One and one equal two.
And armed robbery equals five to 15 in Oahu prison, not some country club work camp.
Yeah, but what about that Kurdistani woman? Sheer luck.
- No, you said you were a doctor.
- And you said you had a flat tire.
Oh, God.
What am I gonna do? Well, young man, I have had some medical training and maybe I can be of help.
And maybe you can be of help too.
Yeah, we were gonna have it all.
Roland was going to write big, beautiful novels and I was gonna do the pictures.
Everything was going to be just peachy.
Until he couldn't get published.
Wanda, please.
Let's not Don't Wanda me.
- It's Your Highness.
- It was Wanda when I met you.
Yeah, when I was waiting on tables at the student union and you were the B.
M.
O.
C.
The prince from the country nobody ever heard of.
You were gonna sweep me off my feet and take me away from it all.
Yeah? Great.
Where do I end up? In the middle of a freaking hurricane with a bunch of mass murderers and lunatics.
I thought being a princess was gonna be fun.
Not too many giris from the Bronx get to live in a castle.
That's for sure.
No heat, no air, no pool except for the moat.
- I mean, who needs it? - You tell 'em, toots.
What the hell kind of life is this anyway? Nothing but parties on top of parties and small talk about books and movies and plays nobody ever heard of.
I mean, you can take this high society stuff, Your Majesty.
Cos if we ever get out of this, I'm going back to the Bronx.
- So there.
- Randy! Randy! Come here! Come here quick! - Yo.
- I caught the limey trying to escape.
That was a bad mistake, man.
A real bad mistake.
I say.
Good show, chaps.
Yeah, thanks, Lou.
Grab me that lamp cord, will you? I guess being a parent kind of changes your perspective on things.
- Why don't you try a clove hitch? - I am using a clove hitch.
Magnum, what precisely is your plan, if you have one? - I've been trying to tell you ever since - You don't have one.
I do.
Or at least I did.
I called Rick and T.
C.
To tell them what was happening.
Tell Rick and T.
C.
And not me? I have explained all that.
Give me a hand with him, will you? Anyway, they are flying to the estate just as soon as the storm is over.
Rick will be disguised to look like Robin.
Rick trying to impersonate Mr.
Masters? Have you lost your senses? From a distance no one will know the difference.
They're both short.
That'll put us in a position to nail the killer when he or she makes a move.
Do you think anyone would try to assassinate Mr.
Masters on his front lawn? No, Higgins, I don't.
But Robin will want to take a shower and a nap before greeting his guests.
Am I right? That means he's going to be alone in the privacy of his bedroom.
So when the killer tippy-toes up the stairs into the darkened room, I'll be waiting.
It's foolproof.
With Rick and T.
C.
Involved, nothing is foolproof.
Higgins? I really resent that.
A joke is a joke but I take my job seriously and I take my responsibility to Robin seriously.
I've given this long and complete consideration and I am willing to tell you unequivocally there is nothing, I repeat, nothing, that could possibly go wrong.
We can explain, Thomas.
You got to come.
She's starting to have the baby.
- What baby? - My baby.
- Who are you? - Who are you guys? - Friends.
- Of the family.
Speaking of which, another member is about to arrive.
What is going on around here? - What's wrong? - Wrong? What could possibly go wrong? Guys, I think I can explain.
It is now 2:12am and the full force of Hurricane Kukana has struck Oahu.
All power and phone lines are out and damage is reportedly widespread and extensive but because of the almost total breakdown in communications we can't verify any reports of injuries or property damage and as far as we know, we here at KDIM are the last station Now, please calm down.
There is no need to panic.
- But she's yelling and screaming.
- She's well into labor.
Her water has broken.
Congratulations.
You're about to become a father.
Jeez.
What am I supposed to do, Doc? Fortunately for everyone, you don't need to do anything except comfort your wife.
- Well, go.
- Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
- We're gonna die! I know it! - Will you shut up? Rollie, did you hear what that witch said to me? Rollie, do something about it.
I'm your wife.
I'm the princess of Tervia.
Wanda, shut up.
Guys, guys, please.
Will everybody just take it easy, please? Rick and T.
C.
Can nail everything down and we can sit tight.
It's the best we can do.
It's the only thing we can do.
We're gonna die, I know it! - Lady - Shut up! - Come on, Rick.
You got that, T.
C.
? - Yeah, I got it.
Rick, do something about that window.
Magnum, put this water on to boil.
- Boil water.
I saw that in a movie once.
- Rick, please! You sure you know what you're doing? I know precisely what I'm doing.
It's time.
Scrub up, lads, and join me in the den.
Wait.
What about the guy that's supposed to kill Robin? What are we supposed to do? Nothing.
The baby's coming.
Mr.
Masters isn't.
Wait.
Will you just wait, Higgins? That's just it.
- Robin is already here.
- What? He's been here all along.
And you didn't tell me? What the bloody hell is that? - A Walther PPK.
- I know that.
Like I said, no one here has ever really been in any danger.
What about me, staring down the barrel of a 12-gauge shotgun? Oh.
Good point.
Nobody's perfect.
Anyway don't worry, Higgins.
I have another plan.
Perfect, no doubt.
- Wanda.
- Yeah? - Oh, er, I mean Your Highness.
- Yeah? - Where is everybody? - Gone.
Where? I don't know.
Not my night to watch.
The storm probably blew 'em away.
Your Highness, I need your help.
You need help? We all need help.
We're all gonna die here.
Drown like rats.
Yes.
Your Highness, may I be direct with you? I don't know.
What did you have in mind? Look.
Um I'm a private investigator and I have been retained for the express purpose of protecting Robin Masters' life.
What's to protect? He's not even here.
Yes, he is, Your Highness.
He's here in the house.
And I have information that one of the guests is trying to kill him.
Kill him? The party wasn't that bad.
Look.
You can help me by just keeping your eyes and ears open.
I trust you.
I'm going to try and round everybody else up and get them back in here, OK? Sure.
No problem.
Hey, Mr.
Private Investigator.
Where do you have him hidden? Upstairs.
In the bedroom.
Pssst! - You startled me, laddie.
- Sorry, Mr.
MacPherson.
- Listen, you got a minute? - Aye, plenty of them.
I'm a private investigator.
I'm retained by your boss.
Somebody at this party is trying to kill him.
He asked me to tell you he's stashed upstairs in his bedroom.
Here's what I'd like you to do.
Duke.
I need your help.
What are you talking about? You got the punk, didn't you? Yeah, but not whoever is out to kill Robin.
What? Look, I'm a private investigator and I'm retained for the express purpose of protecting Robin Masters' life.
But Robbie is not here.
That's what everybody thinks.
Prince, that you? Well, I'm a private investigator retained by Robin Masters.
Remember, Robin trusts you.
Not a word to anyone.
I promise, darling.
This entire episode reminds me so much of the plot of one of Robin's earlier works, Blood Of The August Kitten.
Mm.
Where do you have him? If you can't tell me Upstairs.
In the bedroom.
How appropriate.
Ah! Goodness! Don't do that! You know better than to sneak up on the back of me like that.
Keep it up.
Steady as you go.
Now, breathe regularly.
That's it.
Now, one, two, three, blow.
That's it.
That's it, baby.
That's it.
- How's it going? - Our plan is doing fine.
Yours? - It's all set.
- I'm going to need some assistance.
Well, sounds like it's time to go to work.
- You gonna be all right? - Quite.
Get on with your plan.
Right.
Bye.
Good luck.
Here.
Right here.
I need some water.
She's sweating pretty bad.
Gonna be all right.
Push.
Push.
Relax.
Now breathe.
- Sounds good.
- Now, relax.
Now breathe.
Now push.
One, two, three, push.
That's it, push.
Fine, now relax.
Now push.
One, two, three, push, push.
That's it.
- I can't.
I can't.
- You must.
Push.
I can see it.
I can see the baby's head.
- I can't believe it! - Come on, lady, you can do it.
- Push, push! - Push! Push! Push! Aaah Coochy-coochy-coo.
Coochy-coochy-coo? Already you're severely jeopardizing the child's emotional development.
- It's bad enough that you're holding him.
- Lighten up, Higgie baby.
Rick gets along fine with kids and babies.
They share many of the same characteristics.
Come on, you guys.
Yeah, she's right.
What are you guys gonna name him? - Oh, my God.
- What? What? - She's going to have another child.
- Oh, my God.
That's no way to treat an old friend.
Why? Paris, March 1957.
Rue Des Chanteuses.
My dear, that was all a terrible misunderstanding.
- If I could just explain.
- No.
- No, I couldn't bear it.
- Please.
That will be all, thank you.
- Congratulations, young man.
- Thanks, Doc.
I mean, thanks a lot.
Oh, boy, honey, this is gonna be a lot of diapers.
I hope you're out of jail soon to enjoy your sons.
- Would you like to hold the lads? - Yes.
Gentlemen.
- What are you gonna call them? - That's gonna be Louis Junior.
And this little guy right here is gonna be named Jonathan Thomas Orville Theodore Blassingame.
What? Speaking of lads, Higgins, where are your lads? Oh, my God!