Phineas and Ferb s03e22 Episode Script

Trick or treat! Well, now, would you look at this, Martha? We've got Frankenstein, Count Dracula, and some kind of Igor, or something.
And if it isn't little Candace Flynn! Where's your costume? "Where's your costume"?! I haven't worn my hair like this in 2 years! Get with the Halloween spirit, Candace! Please.
Trick-or-Treating is for kids.
I'm like, way more mature than that.
I'm walking with you until we get to Jeremy's, and then I am outta here.
There they are.
I thought we'd never catch up.
Goin' old school this year, I see.
Sweet.
No costume, huh, Candace? Ugh! Nice fairy princess costume! Where'd you get it? Actually, I'm not wearing a costume.
Oh, okay.
I got it at the Googolplex Mall.
What kind of person hands out these weird, orange peanuts? We gotta find a better neighborhood.
That's strange.
I've never seen this place before.
You'd think we would've noticed it.
I'm gonna give those orange peanuts a second look.
What's that? Hi, I'm Russell.
I live here.
Oh, rustle, like the leaves.
What are you trying to do, scare us? No.
Hiding in the leaves makes me feel warm and secure.
Relatively speaking.
Why do you not just go inside? In there? It's haunted! Cool! No, not cool! The horrifying screams, moving shadows, floating objects, ghosts, zombies, vampires.
It's really freaking me out, man! The light under his chin makes his story pretty convincing.
Actually, there is no scientific evidence for the existence of ghosts.
What do you know? You're a daffodil! Daisy! Case closed! Maybe we can help you, Russell.
Got anything for ghosts, Ferb? Whoa.
Looks like we're in business! Let's bust us some ghosts! Hold it there, fella! Nobody's doin' any busting around here without me! Sure, we'll all go! Coming, Russell? If I have to.
Oh, please.
Oh, this always happens.
Don't panic, anyone! How can I panic when I'm holding your hand? I think that's my hand.
Ew! Hey! Where is Perry? Quit it, Baljeet! Hello, Agent P.
Welcome to the Company Halloween Party.
Try the punch, it's wicked good.
Just be sure to use a coaster.
Certain people can be downright persnickety.
Psst.
Agent P, it's me, Carl! Had you fooled, didn't I? I've got the monobrow, the whiskery mustache, but I couldn't get both my eyes on the same side of my nose.
He's like a Picasso, or something.
Where is your coaster, Carl? Sorry, sir.
What do you think? Nice costume, huh? My lip feels so naked.
Sorry to interrupt the festivities, but we've been receiving some weird intelligence.
The Danville Golf Course's chewed down to bare dirt, strange howling to the moon, graffiti at every leather shop at the Tri-State Area.
And, we don't know what to make of this crop circle.
Get to the bottom of it, Agent P! "Get to the bottom of it, Agent P!" That's not how I sound, Carl! "That's not how I sound, Carl!" Come on, most of the ghosts are this way.
Good, let's bust them and hit the road.
I'm missing Jeremy's party! Ghosts.
There is no such thing.
Look! My EMF readings are 3 milligauss.
Normal background radiation.
And when we point it at the room, it is also Well, that cannot be right.
Did we even make these things with double digit displays? Um Aren't you a little young to be hunting ghosts? Yes! Yes, we are! It's totally like this all the time! Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Oh, Perry the Platypus, I was hoping you would come.
Wh-What– This? Yeah, I had to place myself in restraints.
There's a perfectly good explanation though.
It all started a couple of days ago, when I declared war on grass.
I-It's not a point why exactly.
L-Let's just say, grass got on my bad side.
Grass and me, we're on the outs, big time So I got myself a cow, the natural predator of grass.
It was slow-going.
What I needed was a cow that was motivated not by hunger, but by a powerful hatred of grass like– Like my own.
Burning antipathy, so I invented the Mind-transfer-inator to give that cow a piece of my mind! And as it turned out, cow brain, not a lot of room in there for new ideas.
That would have been it, but I started having these gaps in my memory.
I had a strange craving to lick salt and I found myself watching the nightly farm report and the Pasture Channel way more than usual.
I-I began to get a sense that I was not quite, human anymore which is– Which is why I'm in the restraints and– Actually, it stinks 'cause tonight's Halloween, you know, that's totally my thing, you know, the only holiday to celebrate evil, and here I am in these– Wait.
Oh, no! Oh, no! It's happening again! It's happening to–! Three more years till the pension kicks in, and I am so outta here! There are no monsters in America.
What a genius.
(Song: Were-Cow) Get ready for udder terror 'Cause you're just some cud that he's gonna chew And you never had steak any rarer So you better beware of the Moo! 'Cause we got a were-cow Were-cow on the rampage! You know I think this warning should suffice Were-cow Were-cow on the rampage! Oh look out, he's gonna chew you twice! Were-cow Were-cow on the rampage! Open up! Come on, open up! It won't budge! Quickly! At least it was only a 78 on the meter, right? How could this be worse? Well, sometimes the floor gives out.
I gotta say, this is a really non-traditional use of interior space.
Don't all houses have this? I am a tremulous voice! I like to play.
And that's scary I'm not a ghost I'm a sheet, that lives! This could be related to your problem.
I'm not alive anymore.
Across the river, we'll be safe in that house! River?! How big is this basement? This is really the wrong color and viscosity for water! Don't pop my bubble, man! Brains! Spleen! Pancreas-es! Did I mention the zombies? Let's get out, let's get out! Kidneys! I don't care for organs, but I do enjoy a cucumber sandwich.
Dash it all, they broke my saucer.
Danville meadows, where yesterday, thousands of layers of grass were scentously cut down in their prime.
Officials believe the responsibility for this pasture massacre lies with the were-cow.
And locals are advised to stay off their lawns.
Forget that! I say we get him! Yeah! Wait a minute.
You brought a torch on our date? Hello?! Pitchfork?! Wha– What– What– Wha– What– What– Wha– What– What– Wher– Wait, where am I? How did–? What's that awful taste in my mouth? And when did I do all this beautiful landscaping? Oh, no! Oh, Perry the Platypus, thank goodness you're here! Quickly, we have to get me back to my lab before I moo again! Or mow, 'cause, you know, see, it's grass and you mow grass– There he is! Let's get him! Well they've got pitchforks and other implements of farming I don't think they're in a planting mood And if they catch up to you, it's gonna be alarming He could be hiding behind any one of these poles! Look, we're in luck! Over there! So you'd better hoof it out of there, dude! Yeah, we got a were-cow Were-cow on the run! And they look like they got a score to settle! Were-cow Were-cow on the run! They're gonna poke you with some rusty metal! Were-cow! First, take three cups of flour Dead end! Relax and stay awhile.
Stay forever! "Nobody busts but me" Smart! Wait a minute.
If you're a ghost, and you have a pumpkin head, what did that make you when you were alive? The probability of a humanoid vegetable hybrid is exceedingly remote.
Look! Sparks! It was a ghost robot? No.
Just a regular one.
I think there's something strange not going on here.
Ah, darn serval motors.
You guys really gave us a heck of a workout.
Us? I'm Russell's dad, Waylon.
And I'm his mom, Mona.
Russell, Waylon and Mona? They're like, theme for Halloween or something! But our equipment! How did you–? Ta-da! A frequency emitter! You sly dog, Russ.
We've got them all over the place.
Hey, what's that in your ear? How did you do that? Sorry.
That's a trade secret! Wow! This is one of the best Halloween tricks ever! Yeah.
Blah, blah, blah, lovefest.
Some of us have somewhere to be! Yeah, but before we go, how about one more trick? Well, um Wow! A mob of angry ghosts chasing a were-cow! How do you do it? Um smoke? And mirrors! Ugh Good night, Phineas.
Good night Ferb.
Good night, Russel! Good night! Good night! Happy Halloween! Good night, kids! Good night! Good night, Phineas! Good night, Ferb! Good night, kids! You know, for a minute there, I thought that there really were ghosts.
The old house! It's gone! We're just, uh, packing it up for the season.
Isn't this the moment in one of these things when someone really turns into a ghost? Dude, that's it! Oh, okay.
See you next year!