The Secret Life of the American Teenager s03e22 Episode Script
Loose Lips
Oh, I can't believe I'm getting married.
It's really exciting.
I don't know what I did to deserve all this happiness.
Well, she and I threw you a baby shower, so I thought maybe you and I should throw her a baby shower.
Uh, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
I just wanted to say thank you for the shower.
No.
What you really wanted to do was let me know that everything went well with Ben.
Do I really need to know that Adrian and Ben are having sex? Apparently everyone knows, just like everyone knows you and Amy probably aren't having sex.
I wanna sleep with you, Amy.
I know.
And? I want our relationship to be more than sex.
I've been running around all day getting ideas for that shower you're gonna throw next week.
I told you I would do it.
Yeah, but you did it last time, and it was totally lame.
Grace, Kathleen, you've met my mother Carrie.
And this is Grant's father Vic Foeburg.
I can't wait to start our lives together.
Well, I think we're off to a really hot start.
These are really clever.
And they're cute.
They're really cute.
Did you make them? Yeah.
I did.
Well, my mom and I did.
Actually, it was just my mom.
She doesn't really have anything to do right now with her husband away.
I think they're great.
And we could put them in a scrapbook for her along with the photos and the lists of gifts and all that.
Yeah.
Now all we need is the list of who she wants to invite.
Adrian told me you were gonna come up with that.
Well, no, I can't come up with that.
She has to come up with that.
If she gives me a list, then I'll make sure everybody gets the invitation.
But I don't know who she wants to invite.
Yeah.
I don't know either.
I guess all of her friends.
Uh-huh.
And who would that be? I mean, besides you and me? Yeah.
We'll be there, of course.
But I don't know who else should be there.
Well, I'm sure she has other friends.
I mean, your sister, for one.
Yeah.
I guess Adrian would consider her a friend.
Although I don't know how much fun Ashley would be at a shower, or if she'll come to a shower.
I barely got her to come to my shower.
What about your friends? What about Madison and Lauren? Well, that's the thing.
They're my friends.
I don't know if Adrian considers them her friends.
Well, wait a minute.
Alice.
We can invite Alice.
Invite me? To Adrian's baby shower.
It's this Saturday.
Oh, yeah.
Look.
These are really cute invitations.
Thank you.
That was my contribution.
And I made the reservation and put the deposit down at Jeff's.
And Adrian wanted Amy to come up with a list of girls to invite, and you were at the top of our list.
Oh, that's so nice.
But I didn't realize it was this Saturday.
And I think I have a family obligation.
Oh.
A bar mitzvah.
Yeah.
My cousin's bar mitzvah.
But if I don't get there, I will definitely send a gift.
See you.
A bar mitzvah? Maybe her dad's Jewish.
[chuckles.]
I think her mom's Buddhist.
That's what she said when we met her at that school dance.
Oh, the night Adrian and Ben Yeah.
Anyway, my point is that families can be mixed religions, mixed races, mixed ethnicities.
True.
But I think the bar mitzvah was a little white lie to get her out of this.
Are those the invitations to my shower? Yeah.
Yeah.
Amy's still working on the invitation list.
I was hoping that maybe you'd give me a list of friends you'd like to invite.
Friends? I don't have any friends.
Sure you do.
No, I don't, other than you two and maybe your sister.
That's kind of iffy.
So it'll just be the three of us? Well, I made 20 invitations.
My mom did.
Let's put them to good use.
I wanna invite the girls who thought that I got just what I deserved when I got pregnant.
I wanna invite the girls who were mean to me before I got pregnant.
I don't want friends there.
I want enemies.
I wanna show them all just how great my life is now.
Hey, Zoe.
Oh, hey, Adrian.
What's up? Amy and Grace are throwing me a baby/wedding shower, and you're invited.
Why are you inviting me? I slept with your boyfriend.
Although now he's your boyfriend.
Although he used to be your boyfriend, too, right? Yeah.
God, are you just gonna invite every girl that Ricky ever slept with? Maybe.
Candy, Robin, Cheryl! And every girl who slept with Ricky when he was with Adrian! [chattering.]
No, thanks.
Can't.
Thanks anyway.
You know, I really don't have an excuse.
I just don't want to get you a gift.
Did you do that just to show me how many girls Ricky slept with? No, I did not do that just to show you how many girls Ricky has slept with.
And those aren't all the girls Ricky has slept with.
Geez, Amy, this isn't about you.
Okay? This is about me.
I just want them to know that I won, that I came out on top and that I'm getting everything that I ever wanted and then some, and they're not.
[scoffs.]
Sorry.
I'm out.
Can you believe that? Adrian, run after her and apologize.
That was a terrible thing to do to her.
What-- It's not like she didn't know Ricky's been with other girls.
Oh, that probably wasn't even half of them.
Those were just the ones that slept with him when I was with him.
And, again, this isn't about Amy, okay? This is about me, all right? Those girls were mean to me, and they always thought they were better than me.
Okay, well, I don't know anything about those girls, but I do know something about Amy.
And after everything you guys have been through, after all the competition between you two, she was still willing to be your friend and throw you a baby shower.
Oh, no.
Please tell me you didn't want Amy to do all this so you could rub it in her face that you won, that you got her boyfriend, and you're having a baby with her boyfriend, and you're marrying her boyfriend? So what? She has my boyfriend.
She already had a baby with my boyfriend.
And her old boyfriend is way better than my old boyfriend, so I did win.
And maybe you ought to take a look at yourself.
If you and Amy had come up with a list of people to invite, then I wouldn't feel as if you were throwing it in my face that I have no friends at a time when I need friends.
* Falling in love * * Is such an easy thing to do * * Birds can do it We can do it * * Let's stop talking Let's get to it * * Let's fall in love * Amy, are you okay? No, I'm not okay.
You wouldn't believe what Adrian did to me before school.
Oh, we heard.
Yeah, that was really lousy.
Yeah, and she just wanted to embarrass me by pointing out how many girls Ricky has been with.
And it's not like I don't know that Ricky has been with a lot of girls.
I just didn't need to see them all in one place at one time like that.
And not that that was all of them.
No, not hardly.
But you can't let her get to you, especially when things are going so well with Ricky.
Easier said than done.
You know, it's one thing to know that he's slept with other girls, it's another to actually see them.
I'm sorry, Amy.
Why did she do it? Did she have a reason? She says that she doesn't have friends to invite to the shower, so she's going to invite her enemies.
And those are her enemies-- girls who slept with Ricky.
Wow.
That's a lot of enemies.
Look, Amy, the whole idea of you throwing a shower for Adrian was ridiculous in the first place.
Yeah, why were you gonna do that? Because she threw me a shower.
Well, she was having sex in her bedroom with her stepbrother during your shower.
What? You didn't know? No.
I didn't even know she had a stepbrother.
It's her dad's ex-wife's son.
So they're not like really related or anything.
You know, whatever she was doing during my shower-- what difference does it make? She gave me a shower.
Well, that doesn't mean that you owe her one back.
Yeah, it doesn't mean you owe her anything.
Adrian's been a witch lately.
And, I mean, I feel badly that she's having a baby that she hadn't planned and she's still in high school, but she did this to herself.
Well, not exactly.
You know what I mean.
Actions have consequences.
And-- And, Amy, I hate to say it, but you really did this to yourself.
It's not that we don't feel really badly for you, but-- Oh, yeah, we feel badly for you.
That's not a pretty picture-- all those girls in the hallway.
Not pretty at all.
You know, maybe you should've just come up with who to invite.
So you're sayjng it's my fault because I agreed to do something nice for Adrian.
Well, kind of.
You're just too nice.
Yeah.
You always have been.
Mmm.
That's how this whole thing started-- you were too nice to Ricky when you had sex with him at band camp.
Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
It's nice to know what my friends really think.
Well, she was too nice.
Way too nice.
Well, maybe you were too hard on her.
Maybe you were too hard on her.
And, really, I don't know why she'd be nice to Adrian.
Adrian is not nice to her.
She's not nice to anybody, except maybe Ben.
Yeah.
No wonder she doesn't have any friends to invite to her shower.
You know, I'd say something to Adrian if she wasn't having a baby.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, would you? Well, just ignore that I'm having a baby and say what you wanna say.
Uh It's a natural process-- having a baby.
It's not like I'm sick or I'm dying or anything, so say what you wanna say, O best friends of Amy Juergens.
Uh, I, um I just, uh-- We were hoping to go to your shower.
Yeah.
And I guess we weren't invited, and that really hurt our feelings.
You two are liars.
Hurt your feelings? I didn't hurt your feelings.
Your friend Amy hurt my feelings.
But don't worry.
I don't expect you to take my side in this.
I don't need you or anybody else to take my side in this.
Okay, you are not a very good liar.
I was just trying to spare her from more pain.
Oh, so you're taking Adrian's side.
No, I'm not.
I'm always on Amy's side even when she's wrong.
And I'm not saying she's wrong.
Well, was she or wasn't she? Hey, Adrian.
I've been looking for you.
I was in the bathroom washing my face.
Stupid Amy made me cry messed up my eyeliner.
This pregnancy is making me all girlie.
Amy made you cry? Yes.
I'm sure you don't think little Miss Teen Mother Role Model did anything wrong, but she did.
What-- No, no, no.
I would believe she did something wrong if you say she did something çrong.
What did she do? She embarrassed me by pointing out that I have no friends to invite to my shower.
You have friends.
You have plenty of friends.
No, I don't.
I don't have any friends at all.
Well, except for you.
And you're all that I need.
[sighs.]
I'm gonna have a word with Amy, if you don't mind.
No, I don't mind.
But I'm sure Ricky would mind.
So maybe you'd better not.
Yeah, well, I don't care if Ricky minds.
No one's gonna make the mother of my baby and my future wife cry at school.
They were all just standing there right in front of me-- all those girls that you ever slept with.
I think she did it on purpose, because I think that she's still in love with you.
Even though she's having a baby and getting married to Ben, I think she's still in love with you, and she doesn't want you to be with me.
Adrian is not still in love with me.
That's ridiculous.
And I don't care anyway.
You know, I care about you.
You said you loved me.
Yeah.
Not at school, okay? That's personal.
And Adrian knows I care about you, and she doesn't care about anyone but herself right now.
She's having a baby.
Yeah, well, I had a baby.
Yeah, and? And I cared about people other than myself.
Okay.
"Okay"? Whose side are you on? No one's.
I'm staying out of this.
Oh, really? And how are you going to do that? You're already in this.
How am I in this? Because you're the one who slept with all the girls in the hallway.
I've slept with no one since you asked me not to.
And I suggest we drop this before neither of us wants to sleep with the other one.
What does that mean? It means just what I said.
I'm staying out of this.
Where do you think you're going? I might ask you the same thing.
Look, you stay away from Adrian.
Amy's hurt her enough, and I'm gonna go talk to Amy about that right now.
You're what? She upset Adrian.
Adrian is having a baby.
She should not be upset.
I agree.
She shouldn't be upset.
But you'd think that since Adrian's pregnant and about to be a mother that she'd be a little nicer to everyone else, including Amy.
No, you'd think everybody else would be a little nicer to her, including Amy.
I told Amy I'm staying out of this.
And I'm staying out of this, and I suggest you do the same.
Just let Adrian and Amy do whatever Adrian and Amy are gonna do.
Let's not you and me get involved here.
No.
I'm involved.
I'm plenty involved.
I'm talking to Amy.
No, you're not.
You stay away from Amy.
Anyou stay away from Adrian.
I wasn't going anywhere near Adrian.
ive her a list of her friends, and Adrian doesn't really have any friends.
And she embarrassed her in front of a whole hallway of people.
So you're not only insisting on being involved in this stupid fight, you're bringing Bunny into this? We're off the clock, and Bunny is a friend of my family, and this is a private conversation.
Guys, you can't keep bringing this stuff into the workplace.
I'm not, but if I were, I'd tell you that Adrian wanted to invite every girl I've ever slept with to her shower just so she could show them how much better her life is without me, simultaneously showing Amy how many girls I've slept with, and possibly affecting our relationship when things just started looking really good for us.
Please.
Is that what Amy's telling you? Yeah, that's what Amy's telling me, But, Ben, this is a chick fight, and chick fights are dangerous.
Any fight between any two people is dangerous.
I know this.
I watched my parents fight all the time, and I learned to stay out of it.
So let's agree to stay out of it.
There's Adrian's side, and there's Amy's side, and we don't have a side.
I have a side.
I'm not a neutral party and neither are you.
But you could be, so let's shake hands and come out not fighting.
No offense, but I'm not shaking hands.
Hm.
Look, I don't like to have personal problems going on at work, but this is the kind of personal problem that can escalate into a global problem.
You know that, and I know that.
So let's get back in there and get Ben and talk this through.
I don't wanna talk.
I just wanna do my job.
And I wanna do my job without talking to anyone that I don't have to talk to, if you don't mind.
[scoffs.]
I do mind.
I'm telling you, I see it.
This is gonna snowball into hell.
Not because of me.
So you're taking his side? I'm not taking sides, and you and Ricky shouldn't take sides.
So you agree with Ricky.
Of course.
When you take sides, the rest of the world lines up behind one or the other of you, so-- So fine.
I'm taking Adrian's side.
And it makes me really angry that other people don't take her side because they're too busy judging her.
Somehow she got labeled as the bad girl, and no matter what she does or says, people wanna think of her as the bad girl.
"Somehow"? "Somehow she got labeled as a bad girl"? We're one and the same-- Adrian and me.
We've both been with too many people for all the wrong reasons.
And admit it, Adrian always seems to enjoy things better if things include getting back at people along the way-- me, her mother, her father.
Anyone.
Even you.
This is not getting in the middle? Well-- I'm just telling you what I know.
I know her, and I know Amy.
And that fight today was probably as much one's fault as the other's.
So let's stay out of it, and that's the last time I'm saying that.
Let's not.
At this point, I know Adrian better than you know Adrian, and she was not out to hurt anyone at school today.
I know that.
You do not know that.
You don't know anything about that fight, and neither do I.
And we can't possibly really know what Amy's motivation was for not having the invitation list, or Adrian's motivation for including girls I slept with on the invitation list, or if either of them even had a motivation.
What's your real reason for not coming to Amy's defense? I think you're still in love with Adrian.
That's the problem.
You're still in love with her.
I was never in love with her.
No, you were in love with her.
You told her you were in love wither.
I told all of those girls I was in love with them, too.
What do you mean you don't know if there's gonna be a shower? After that, there's still supposed to be a shower? I froze four dozen cupcakes this afternoon that I baked from scratch and made little teeny-tiny roses for.
There's gonna be a shower.
Mom, there's no one to invite.
I'm not gonna invite a bunch of mean girls who slept with Ricky.
I can't do that.
I can't ask Amy to buy them lunch.
That's crazy.
There must be at least four or five girls Adrian knows from majorettes or from Well, what else was she involved in at school? Nothing.
And come on.
Everybody knows the majorettes are all sluts.
Grace! You know that's not true.
I know.
I guess Adrian's not that close with them.
It doesn't mean they can't be friends.
I'll try.
It just seems like Adrian wants the shower for all the wrong reasons.
Stop being so judgmental, honey.
I mean, maybe she just wants a shower because she wants a shower.
Most brides and mothers-to-be want to have a shower, and most of the time their friends and family wanna give them a shower.
And I've already spent too much time and too much money on this for you to just give up.
And you've spent too much time and too much effort on your friendship with Adrian to just give up.
I don't wanna spend any more time or effort on this friendship or the shower.
I really don't.
Maybe if you weren't so busy having sex with Grant, you would have more time and energy for your friends and for this shower.
I know, but given the choice-- You don't have a choice.
There's gonna be a shower.
And if you and Adrian are the only two people there, you're not gonna feel very good about it, and neither is she and neither am I.
Mom, it was like a nightmare.
All of them standing there, staring at me.
Well, were they staring at you, or were they staring at Adrian? Okay, fine.
They were staring at Adrian, and I was staring at them, because-- How could she do that to me? How? Well, I'm not so sure that she was doing anything to you.
At least she didn't plan on doing anything to you.
Just walk over next door and talk to her.
Just apologize if you did anything to offend her, and just work it out, Amy.
What? If I did anything? How about if she did anything? Well, so what if she did something? She's very pregnant, and she and Ben are getting married.
She's probably under a lot of stress, so just give her a break and-- [beeping.]
Hold on.
There's someone on the other line.
[beeps.]
Hello? Amy, is that you? Who is this? Oh.
Sorry.
It's Kathleen Tseguay.
Who? Kathleen, Grace's mom.
Oh, hi.
Uh, I'm on the other line with my mom.
Oh, well, I was hoping to talk to your dad.
[beeps.]
Mom, that's Kathleen Bowman.
Or some other name.
Wife number one.
She wants to speak with Dad.
Well, then let her speak to Dad.
Good night, Amy.
I love you.
[beeps.]
Dad! You love me? It's our first date.
It's not our first date.
I wasn't talking to you.
Fine.
I don't wanna talk anyway.
Hello? George.
Who is this? Kathleen.
Kathleen Smith Juergens Bowman Tseguay? That's the one.
You wanted to see me? Yes.
I wanted to ask you something.
[sniffs.]
Is that you? Are you wearing cologne? Is that what you wanted to ask me? You call me all the way from the guest house, and you ask me if I am wearing cologne? What? No.
I called you up here to ask if you know if Adrian has any friends or girlfriends.
Has she ever mentioned any girlfriends to you? I don't know anything about any girlfriends.
Hers or mine.
Good night.
Are you sure? I am sure.
What about Tammy? Do you think Tammy would go to a shower for Adrian? Would my old girlfriend go to a shower for a woman I still love? I doubt it.
Help me.
I need to find someone to go to Adrian's shower.
I think Mom's doing that.
No.
She's doing a bunch of other stuff, and I'm supposed to do that.
She told me to find a bunch of girls to go to Adrian's shower.
[huffs.]
Yeah.
Poor Grace.
You got it really tough.
You're beautiful, you're smart, you have boyfriend, and yet you always do is complain, complain, complain.
That's not a very nice thing to say to me, Tom.
Well, that's not nice to say Adrian has no friends.
You could make her feel bad.
I never said that.
I didn't make her feel bad.
Amy made her feel bad.
Then I don't like you or Amy.
Why? Because you're still in love with Adrian? Maybe if you got over her, you'd find someone else to go out with.
You think you know everything, but if you're really smart, you wouldn't have sex with every guy you date.
I can't believe you just said that.
I said it, and I meant it.
[scoffs.]
Tom! Wait! I need to talk to you! You stink, you know that? I don't stink! You stink! You and your cologne! [laughs.]
I know.
That was the funniest thing you ever did-- putting those bunk beds in our bedroom and Oh.
Hi, Grace.
Do you need something? Who are you talking to? Do you need something? No.
Grace just walked in, so I should probably go.
I thought you were sick of talking to teenagers.
I know I am.
I didn't say that.
No, you said that, and I agreed with you.
No, no.
You said it, and I agreed with you.
Mom-- Yeah, well, despite that, you have to talk to Grace, and I have to talk to Amy.
Good luck.
You, too.
Good night.
[beeps.]
That wasn't Jeff.
No, it wasn't.
It was George Juergens.
I called him to ask if he would encourage Amy to work things out with Adrian.
Why? I told you, Adrian should be the one to work things out with Amy.
Either way, they should work it out.
Just so we can have the stupid shower? No, not so we can have the stupid shower.
Because they're friends.
And are you and George friends now? [scoffs.]
Come on, Grace.
George is George.
You wouldn't Cheat on Jeff? No, I wouldn't.
Were you about to say that I've done that before? I cheated before when I was married to George? Maybe, but I didn't.
You're on restriction.
Starting now.
So I can't throw that shower? Can't anyone else answer the stupid door? [George.]
No! And ask who it is! Duh.
Who is it? Ben.
I'd like to speak with you, if I may.
Yeah, you may.
Come on in.
I don't really have a lot of time.
I was just cutting John's nails, and he hates that.
I have to study for calculus, and I hate that.
Hi, John.
Wanna sit down? Yeah, if you don't mind.
"If you don't mind, if I may" I know what this is about.
Hey, Dad, will you get John? Okay.
Go on, buddy.
[grunts.]
Got him! I'm really upset with you, but I'm trying to be polite.
I don't have time for polite.
Just tell me why you're upset.
Say what you wanna say.
Like I don't already know.
So you do know that you were rude to Adrian and made her cry.
Adrian was rude to me and made me cry.
In response to what you did to her.
Which was try to throw her a baby shower.
No.
Which was to point out that she has no friends to come to a baby shower.
I was not doing that.
I just didn't know who to invite.
That was her job-- to come up with a list.
She doesn't have a list.
Oh, no, no.
She did have a list.
It just was not the list I was looking for.
[sighs.]
[sighs.]
Amy, we're friends, aren't we? I don't know.
I don't know what being friends with you means.
That we once loved each other, but now we love other people.
So now we're just friends.
But we are friends.
So, if I ask you, as a friend, to make up with Adrian and just come up with some girls to come to the shower, can't you do that for me, for old time's sake? I don't know anyone to come to the stupid shower.
And after what Adrian did, I don't even wanna go to the stupid shower.
All right.
I have a suggestion for a shower guest.
Maybe you can just invite her, and then the list will grow from there.
Ask Alice.
I did ask Alice.
And she's going to a cousin's bar mitzvah on Saturday.
She's Japanese.
I know that.
Ben, since we're friends, I wanna be honest with you and tell you something that your other friends won't tell you.
You're having a baby with a girl who got pregnant because she was trying to get back at her old boyfriend.
And you're marrying her and sharing the rest of your life with her, and she's still trying to get back at her old boyfriend and all the girls he ever slept with, including me.
And that's the truth.
So deal with it.
And just what was your reason for getting pregnant? Were you taken advantage of? Did Ricky take advantage of you? Were you sexually stupid? Did you not know that having unprotected sex could result in a pregnancy? You know, at least Adrian is willing to take responsibility for what happened.
Yeah, even though it was an accident, Adrian is willing to take responsibility.
And Adrian is honest, even brutally honest.
So I believe her when she says that she wasn't out to get you today.
And I believe her when she says that she was embarrassed because there was no list of girls to invite.
And I believe her when she says that she loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of our lives.
Do you believe Ricky when he tells you that he loves you? Because Ricky has told every girl that he has ever been with that he loves her.
Do you really love Ricky? The real Ricky? The guy who slept with all those girls? The guy that every girl has been with? Or do you just wanna justify getting pregnant by him in the first place? Get out of this house.
And gladly.
[door opens.]
[door closes.]
You still want me to throw a shower for Adrian? - Oh, boy.
- She's my daughter.
I think he forgets how much Amy has been through.
I don't know what to say other than he's my son, and right now he's going through a lot.
That's not Amy's fault.
What? Well, no, it's not exactly her fault.
"Not exactly"? What does that mean? Nothing.
It means nothing.
You know I'm under a lot of pressure here myself, and I don't wanna say anything I shouldn't.
So, I'll talk to Ben.
Good.
Talk to Ben.
How is it Amy's fault? How could it possibly be Amy's fault? Let's just let sleeping dogs lie, huh? Let's not.
George, my 17-year-old son is having a baby.
He's moving out of my house and into a condo, and he's getting married.
And in the midst of all that, he did something stupid tonight.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to apologize to me.
He has to apologize to Amy.
And I don't care what his excuse is.
There is no excuse.
My Amy is a nice girl.
She didn't deserve that.
I'm sure she didn't.
But if there's an excuse, I'd say that Ben fell in love with Amy, and it was the beginning of the end of a normal teenage existence as he knew it.
It took him down a completely different path that neither Ben or I wanted him to go.
And I'm not saying that him having a baby and getting married is Amy's fault, and I'm not saying that argument today is Amy's fault.
I'm just saying that the forces behind that argument today were set in motion a long time ago by Amy.
Well, I don't know anything about forces or consequences or going down paths or normal teenage existence or any of that other gibberish.
All I know is your son came over to my house tonight and said some horrible things to my daughter.
He did.
But from his perspective, those horrible things are true.
And it's the perspective of a young man who got involved with a girl that was pregnant at 15.
What the hell is going on? What new conspiracy against Adrian and me is this? Dad if you think you're gonna force an apology from me for what I said tonight, you're wrong.
I'll talk to him.
Do that.
[door opens, closes.]
[sighs.]
Do not put me in a position to defend you again.
I don't like having to defend you.
In the process of defending you, I said some things that I now regret.
I rarely do that, but I did that because I completely lost my mind in trying to stand up for you, which is what you're doing in trying to stand up for Adrian.
You do not go over to someone's house and attack them like that even if you think it's the honorable thing to do-- defending your bride.
You escalated a little fight in the hallway today And I really don't know how to stop it at this point.
But it needs to be stopped as soon as possible.
Stopped or won? Stopped.
Yo, hey, what's up? You wanted to talk to me? [sighs.]
[sighs.]
You mind? Good night, Alice, Henry.
Good night.
Good night.
The King doth looked P.
O.
'd.
Yes, he doth.
So does the prince.
You have a bar mitzvah to go to this Saturday? [chuckles.]
Alice? Uh-oh.
Look, if you don't wanna be friends with Adrian, then you don't wanna be friends with me.
Oh, no.
I wanna be friends with Adrian.
I just don't wanna go to a shower.
You two are my only friends, and I don't wanna sit around with Amy and Adrian and Grace and play shower games.
And why would you? I mean, you've only been coming over to my house for, what, almost ten years now? Eating our food and being driven by our chauffeur.
Sleeping in my room and playing in our game room.
Watching movies in our screening room, and going to sports events and concerts and restaurants all at my family's expense.
Why would you wanna do me the very small favor of getting a little gift for my soon-to-be wife's shower? My soon-to-be wife and mother of my daughter's shower? That's a bit harsh, isn't it? I'm sorry.
It's not that I don't love you.
I love you, Ben.
It's just that I don't wanna be part of all this.
I don't really think you should be getting married.
Oh, God.
What do you think, Henry? I think that neither of you can take back what you just said to each other, and so I'll just say I love you both, and I apologize to each of you for what the other said.
And I wish you love, peace, and Soul Train! Just trying to use humor to keep our friendship from falling into a black hole.
Too late.
That's not what we broke up over-- whether or not you would have sex with me.
Yes, it was.
It was why you wouldn't Because you thought I'd had sex with that girl you hated.
What girl I hated? Karen.
Who? Karen Corcoran.
Oh, come on.
She made lunch for me one day.
That was the end of it for you and me.
Oh, yeah.
Ham sandwich and a bag of chips.
Oh, yeah.
Now it's coming back to me.
You did not forget that.
Come on.
[laughs.]
No, I did.
Wait.
I beat her out for position on the cheerleading squad, so she went after you to get back at me.
I never did anything with that girl.
Okay, but you wanted to, and she wanted to.
That'why she made you a ham sandwich.
We were having a perfectly nice evening.
Why'd you have to go and bring that up for? It was high school.
Oh, come on.
It was nothing.
Okay.
Well, maybe it's nothing, but because of that, we both ended up marrying other people.
Because of a ham sandwich? Yep.
High school stinks.
We're not in high school anymore.
The whole world's a high school.
This shower has gotten completely out of hand.
[chuckles.]
Yeah.
It's funny how one little argument can destroy an entire universe.
Yeah.
Do you remember why we broke up? Uh, yeah.
You cheated on me.
Yeah, but it was more than that, really.
No, that was it.
No, you didn't wanna go to couples counseling because the counselor was a woman.
And I felt that I needed a woman on my side.
I thought that a woman could explain why a woman would cheat on her husband and, well, make it sound good.
But you wouldn't go.
No.
And you know what? I still don't think a marriage can be saved through counseling.
And now I've got the experience to prove it.
Yeah, well, the marriage counselor really couldn't have made it sound good, because I was just angry on a really deep level.
I-- I'd gotten married way too early, and I didn't really wanna be married.
I just wanted to have sex.
[laughs.]
Oh, wanted to be close to someone, and I wanted someone to love me.
I loved you.
You used to leave your socks on the floor.
I had told you that was driving me crazy-- your socks on the floor.
I felt like I was always picking up your dirty socks.
I like to just step out of them.
I still do.
I stand on the toe of one sock, and I pull my foot out, and then I stand on the toe of the other sock, and I pull my foot out.
I've been doing it since I was a kid.
It's like setting my feet free.
I love the feeling.
Well, I never told you that I threw away every sock that you left on the floor until you were almost out of socks.
And then when you were down to your last pair, I-- I-- I got scared, and I went out, and, um, bought you some new socks.
[chuckles.]
So what are you saying? The guy you cheated with was a sock salesman? The guy sold socks? Well, he owned the sock company.
He just happened to be in the store.
So you did it with him because my socks were on the floor? Your socks were on the floor every day for a couple years, George, and it went to a bad place inside me-- picking up those socks.
I just-- I felt like I was your servant.
And I had had it drilled into me all my life by my own mother that women are the servants of man, and I just didn't like it.
I didn't like picking up those socks, George.
[sighs.]
I hated it.
[chuckles.]
What was it that you said earlier? "It's funny how one little argument can destroy the entire universe.
" [door closes.]
It was just socks.
[beeping.]
Grace, I'm telling you, he f he feels really bad.
Just go down there and talk to him.
No.
If he felt really bad, he'd come up here.
You know he didn't mean it.
Well, then he shouldn't have said it.
Grace-- What? Do you mind? I'm trying to text Grant.
Will you just forget about Grant for two seconds? You'd like that, wouldn't you? What is wrong with you? I'll tell you what's wrong with me.
My day started off badly, and it's only gotten worse.
I cannot believe this fight with Adrian has escalated into this-- into my not being able to see Grant.
And how are you blaming that on Adrian? Who am I supposed to blame it on? Me? It's not my fault Adrian doesn't have any friends to invite to her shower.
As her one and only friend, surely you know this about Adrian: She doesn't have any friends.
Well, as usual, that sounds like something Madison would say.
Did you say that or did Madison say that? I haven't even spoken to Madison tonight 'cause I've been too busy talking to Tom as if I don't have two tests tomorrow.
Why don't you just admit that the fight in the hallway was as much your fault as anyone else's? [scoffs.]
I don't think you wanna throw a shower for Adrian, because if you did, you would've come up with a list of girls to invite.
That wasn't my job.
That was Amy's job.
I made the invitations.
And that fight in the hallway was Adrian's way of trying to show Amy how many girls Ricky had slept with.
It has nothing to do with me.
You say you're friends with Adrian, but I don't think you are.
I don't think you've ever really gotten over the fact that she and I had sex when you wouldt have sex with me.
And are we talking about oral sex or sex sex? Face it, Jack.
Our relationship was never gonna work out after you two did whatever you two did.
And yet you had sex with me.
I wish I hadn't had sex with you.
And which was it, oral sex or sex sex? Why? You still care about me? Your mom said I could talk to you for two minutes.
You know what? Two minutes would be too long.
Good night.
I really hate you.
[chuckles.]
I really don't believe that.
You weren't even gonna invite me to Adrian's shower? It wasn't my place to invite anyone, okay? Yes, it was.
Adrian and Grace made the invitation list to your shower.
Did they? Oh, yeah, maybe they did.
That's why the neighbors were there.
Yeah, that's why the neighbors were there.
And this is why you're a complete ass.
Okay, Ashley.
I have heard enough bad things said about me tonight.
From just one person, or a lot of different people? Just one.
Ben.
Ben came over here and told me off earlier, and I'm really not quite over it.
So I don't need you to make me feel badly about anything more, okay? Is that what's making you feel badly? Or are you still feeling badly from seeing all of Ricky's lovers? Old lovers.
You hope they're old lovers.
I know they're old lovers, and I know they don't mean anything to him.
Just like Ben doesn't mean anything to you, so why should you care what he said? He practically accused me of pretending to be in love with Ricky just so I could justify having slept with him in the first place.
Uh-huh.
And? And that's not true.
I was attracted to Ricky at band camp, and then I hated Ricky for what happened at band camp, and then I fell in love with Ricky.
I love him.
The Ricky in your imagination, or the real Ricky who sleeps with everyone? Not everyone.
Not you.
You know, I called Adrian a few minutes ago to find out her side of the story, and she said she was on the other line with Ricky and she'd have to call me back.
And you wanted to come and tell on Ricky because? Because you blame me for kissing Ricky, and that's because you don't think he could ever seriously be attracted to me.
And that hasn't made me feel so goodfor months.
So I took this opportunity to tell you.
Yeah.
You can't possibly see that kiss for what it really was-- a complete and total betrayal.
You really didn't care if you completely destroyed my relationship with Ricky just to have a little fun.
And you didn't really care if you completely destroyed this family just to have a little fun at band camp.
[sighs.]
Ben told you not to talk to me.
He did.
But you know what, Adrian? As close as you and Ben are, you and me-- we've known each other a lot longer than you and Ben.
And you and me-- we understand each other.
Yeah, I guess.
So what do you want? I just wanna talk.
So talk.
Did you really not know what you were doing when you were calling all those girls over in the hallway? Did you not know that that would be hurtful to Amy to have to look at a bunch of girls that I had sex with? What, you think I called them all last night and told them to be out there this morning? No.
It just happened.
I mean, let's face it.
You've been around.
Know what I'm talking about? Yes, I know what you're talking about.
So were you just trying to hurt me? I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, okay? I just want a shower.
I've never really had a party because girls don't like me.
And I want a party.
Do you know why girls don't like you? It doesn't matter.
I just know that they don't.
Because they don't, I feel kind of like I'm less than other people.
But, Adrian, maybe girls would like you if you were nicer to them.
Yeah, I know.
But I never get a chance to be nice to them.
I don't have anyone to be nice to except for Ben.
And I am really nice to Ben.
Yeah, he's let everyone know, believe me.
Come on, Adrian.
I know that all this stuff goes back to your feeling like all the kids in elementary school made fun of you because you didn't have nice clothes and all that.
But it's not elementary school, and you have to be a grown-up now.
You gotta get over your insecurities.
But I am.
No.
No, you're not.
Just marrying Ben is not gonna get you over your insecurities.
It may just make you feel more insecure.
What do you mean? Nothing.
Could you just go over and talk to Amy before anyone gets hurt? You know, I think Amy doesn't want any more company tonight.
I think I'll let her get over her last company.
Know what I mean? No, I don't know what you mean.
What do you mean.
You don't mean Ben was over there? Adrian! Ben really should've let you talk to me at school today.
[sighs.]
It's really exciting.
I don't know what I did to deserve all this happiness.
Well, she and I threw you a baby shower, so I thought maybe you and I should throw her a baby shower.
Uh, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
I just wanted to say thank you for the shower.
No.
What you really wanted to do was let me know that everything went well with Ben.
Do I really need to know that Adrian and Ben are having sex? Apparently everyone knows, just like everyone knows you and Amy probably aren't having sex.
I wanna sleep with you, Amy.
I know.
And? I want our relationship to be more than sex.
I've been running around all day getting ideas for that shower you're gonna throw next week.
I told you I would do it.
Yeah, but you did it last time, and it was totally lame.
Grace, Kathleen, you've met my mother Carrie.
And this is Grant's father Vic Foeburg.
I can't wait to start our lives together.
Well, I think we're off to a really hot start.
These are really clever.
And they're cute.
They're really cute.
Did you make them? Yeah.
I did.
Well, my mom and I did.
Actually, it was just my mom.
She doesn't really have anything to do right now with her husband away.
I think they're great.
And we could put them in a scrapbook for her along with the photos and the lists of gifts and all that.
Yeah.
Now all we need is the list of who she wants to invite.
Adrian told me you were gonna come up with that.
Well, no, I can't come up with that.
She has to come up with that.
If she gives me a list, then I'll make sure everybody gets the invitation.
But I don't know who she wants to invite.
Yeah.
I don't know either.
I guess all of her friends.
Uh-huh.
And who would that be? I mean, besides you and me? Yeah.
We'll be there, of course.
But I don't know who else should be there.
Well, I'm sure she has other friends.
I mean, your sister, for one.
Yeah.
I guess Adrian would consider her a friend.
Although I don't know how much fun Ashley would be at a shower, or if she'll come to a shower.
I barely got her to come to my shower.
What about your friends? What about Madison and Lauren? Well, that's the thing.
They're my friends.
I don't know if Adrian considers them her friends.
Well, wait a minute.
Alice.
We can invite Alice.
Invite me? To Adrian's baby shower.
It's this Saturday.
Oh, yeah.
Look.
These are really cute invitations.
Thank you.
That was my contribution.
And I made the reservation and put the deposit down at Jeff's.
And Adrian wanted Amy to come up with a list of girls to invite, and you were at the top of our list.
Oh, that's so nice.
But I didn't realize it was this Saturday.
And I think I have a family obligation.
Oh.
A bar mitzvah.
Yeah.
My cousin's bar mitzvah.
But if I don't get there, I will definitely send a gift.
See you.
A bar mitzvah? Maybe her dad's Jewish.
[chuckles.]
I think her mom's Buddhist.
That's what she said when we met her at that school dance.
Oh, the night Adrian and Ben Yeah.
Anyway, my point is that families can be mixed religions, mixed races, mixed ethnicities.
True.
But I think the bar mitzvah was a little white lie to get her out of this.
Are those the invitations to my shower? Yeah.
Yeah.
Amy's still working on the invitation list.
I was hoping that maybe you'd give me a list of friends you'd like to invite.
Friends? I don't have any friends.
Sure you do.
No, I don't, other than you two and maybe your sister.
That's kind of iffy.
So it'll just be the three of us? Well, I made 20 invitations.
My mom did.
Let's put them to good use.
I wanna invite the girls who thought that I got just what I deserved when I got pregnant.
I wanna invite the girls who were mean to me before I got pregnant.
I don't want friends there.
I want enemies.
I wanna show them all just how great my life is now.
Hey, Zoe.
Oh, hey, Adrian.
What's up? Amy and Grace are throwing me a baby/wedding shower, and you're invited.
Why are you inviting me? I slept with your boyfriend.
Although now he's your boyfriend.
Although he used to be your boyfriend, too, right? Yeah.
God, are you just gonna invite every girl that Ricky ever slept with? Maybe.
Candy, Robin, Cheryl! And every girl who slept with Ricky when he was with Adrian! [chattering.]
No, thanks.
Can't.
Thanks anyway.
You know, I really don't have an excuse.
I just don't want to get you a gift.
Did you do that just to show me how many girls Ricky slept with? No, I did not do that just to show you how many girls Ricky has slept with.
And those aren't all the girls Ricky has slept with.
Geez, Amy, this isn't about you.
Okay? This is about me.
I just want them to know that I won, that I came out on top and that I'm getting everything that I ever wanted and then some, and they're not.
[scoffs.]
Sorry.
I'm out.
Can you believe that? Adrian, run after her and apologize.
That was a terrible thing to do to her.
What-- It's not like she didn't know Ricky's been with other girls.
Oh, that probably wasn't even half of them.
Those were just the ones that slept with him when I was with him.
And, again, this isn't about Amy, okay? This is about me, all right? Those girls were mean to me, and they always thought they were better than me.
Okay, well, I don't know anything about those girls, but I do know something about Amy.
And after everything you guys have been through, after all the competition between you two, she was still willing to be your friend and throw you a baby shower.
Oh, no.
Please tell me you didn't want Amy to do all this so you could rub it in her face that you won, that you got her boyfriend, and you're having a baby with her boyfriend, and you're marrying her boyfriend? So what? She has my boyfriend.
She already had a baby with my boyfriend.
And her old boyfriend is way better than my old boyfriend, so I did win.
And maybe you ought to take a look at yourself.
If you and Amy had come up with a list of people to invite, then I wouldn't feel as if you were throwing it in my face that I have no friends at a time when I need friends.
* Falling in love * * Is such an easy thing to do * * Birds can do it We can do it * * Let's stop talking Let's get to it * * Let's fall in love * Amy, are you okay? No, I'm not okay.
You wouldn't believe what Adrian did to me before school.
Oh, we heard.
Yeah, that was really lousy.
Yeah, and she just wanted to embarrass me by pointing out how many girls Ricky has been with.
And it's not like I don't know that Ricky has been with a lot of girls.
I just didn't need to see them all in one place at one time like that.
And not that that was all of them.
No, not hardly.
But you can't let her get to you, especially when things are going so well with Ricky.
Easier said than done.
You know, it's one thing to know that he's slept with other girls, it's another to actually see them.
I'm sorry, Amy.
Why did she do it? Did she have a reason? She says that she doesn't have friends to invite to the shower, so she's going to invite her enemies.
And those are her enemies-- girls who slept with Ricky.
Wow.
That's a lot of enemies.
Look, Amy, the whole idea of you throwing a shower for Adrian was ridiculous in the first place.
Yeah, why were you gonna do that? Because she threw me a shower.
Well, she was having sex in her bedroom with her stepbrother during your shower.
What? You didn't know? No.
I didn't even know she had a stepbrother.
It's her dad's ex-wife's son.
So they're not like really related or anything.
You know, whatever she was doing during my shower-- what difference does it make? She gave me a shower.
Well, that doesn't mean that you owe her one back.
Yeah, it doesn't mean you owe her anything.
Adrian's been a witch lately.
And, I mean, I feel badly that she's having a baby that she hadn't planned and she's still in high school, but she did this to herself.
Well, not exactly.
You know what I mean.
Actions have consequences.
And-- And, Amy, I hate to say it, but you really did this to yourself.
It's not that we don't feel really badly for you, but-- Oh, yeah, we feel badly for you.
That's not a pretty picture-- all those girls in the hallway.
Not pretty at all.
You know, maybe you should've just come up with who to invite.
So you're sayjng it's my fault because I agreed to do something nice for Adrian.
Well, kind of.
You're just too nice.
Yeah.
You always have been.
Mmm.
That's how this whole thing started-- you were too nice to Ricky when you had sex with him at band camp.
Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
It's nice to know what my friends really think.
Well, she was too nice.
Way too nice.
Well, maybe you were too hard on her.
Maybe you were too hard on her.
And, really, I don't know why she'd be nice to Adrian.
Adrian is not nice to her.
She's not nice to anybody, except maybe Ben.
Yeah.
No wonder she doesn't have any friends to invite to her shower.
You know, I'd say something to Adrian if she wasn't having a baby.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, would you? Well, just ignore that I'm having a baby and say what you wanna say.
Uh It's a natural process-- having a baby.
It's not like I'm sick or I'm dying or anything, so say what you wanna say, O best friends of Amy Juergens.
Uh, I, um I just, uh-- We were hoping to go to your shower.
Yeah.
And I guess we weren't invited, and that really hurt our feelings.
You two are liars.
Hurt your feelings? I didn't hurt your feelings.
Your friend Amy hurt my feelings.
But don't worry.
I don't expect you to take my side in this.
I don't need you or anybody else to take my side in this.
Okay, you are not a very good liar.
I was just trying to spare her from more pain.
Oh, so you're taking Adrian's side.
No, I'm not.
I'm always on Amy's side even when she's wrong.
And I'm not saying she's wrong.
Well, was she or wasn't she? Hey, Adrian.
I've been looking for you.
I was in the bathroom washing my face.
Stupid Amy made me cry messed up my eyeliner.
This pregnancy is making me all girlie.
Amy made you cry? Yes.
I'm sure you don't think little Miss Teen Mother Role Model did anything wrong, but she did.
What-- No, no, no.
I would believe she did something wrong if you say she did something çrong.
What did she do? She embarrassed me by pointing out that I have no friends to invite to my shower.
You have friends.
You have plenty of friends.
No, I don't.
I don't have any friends at all.
Well, except for you.
And you're all that I need.
[sighs.]
I'm gonna have a word with Amy, if you don't mind.
No, I don't mind.
But I'm sure Ricky would mind.
So maybe you'd better not.
Yeah, well, I don't care if Ricky minds.
No one's gonna make the mother of my baby and my future wife cry at school.
They were all just standing there right in front of me-- all those girls that you ever slept with.
I think she did it on purpose, because I think that she's still in love with you.
Even though she's having a baby and getting married to Ben, I think she's still in love with you, and she doesn't want you to be with me.
Adrian is not still in love with me.
That's ridiculous.
And I don't care anyway.
You know, I care about you.
You said you loved me.
Yeah.
Not at school, okay? That's personal.
And Adrian knows I care about you, and she doesn't care about anyone but herself right now.
She's having a baby.
Yeah, well, I had a baby.
Yeah, and? And I cared about people other than myself.
Okay.
"Okay"? Whose side are you on? No one's.
I'm staying out of this.
Oh, really? And how are you going to do that? You're already in this.
How am I in this? Because you're the one who slept with all the girls in the hallway.
I've slept with no one since you asked me not to.
And I suggest we drop this before neither of us wants to sleep with the other one.
What does that mean? It means just what I said.
I'm staying out of this.
Where do you think you're going? I might ask you the same thing.
Look, you stay away from Adrian.
Amy's hurt her enough, and I'm gonna go talk to Amy about that right now.
You're what? She upset Adrian.
Adrian is having a baby.
She should not be upset.
I agree.
She shouldn't be upset.
But you'd think that since Adrian's pregnant and about to be a mother that she'd be a little nicer to everyone else, including Amy.
No, you'd think everybody else would be a little nicer to her, including Amy.
I told Amy I'm staying out of this.
And I'm staying out of this, and I suggest you do the same.
Just let Adrian and Amy do whatever Adrian and Amy are gonna do.
Let's not you and me get involved here.
No.
I'm involved.
I'm plenty involved.
I'm talking to Amy.
No, you're not.
You stay away from Amy.
Anyou stay away from Adrian.
I wasn't going anywhere near Adrian.
ive her a list of her friends, and Adrian doesn't really have any friends.
And she embarrassed her in front of a whole hallway of people.
So you're not only insisting on being involved in this stupid fight, you're bringing Bunny into this? We're off the clock, and Bunny is a friend of my family, and this is a private conversation.
Guys, you can't keep bringing this stuff into the workplace.
I'm not, but if I were, I'd tell you that Adrian wanted to invite every girl I've ever slept with to her shower just so she could show them how much better her life is without me, simultaneously showing Amy how many girls I've slept with, and possibly affecting our relationship when things just started looking really good for us.
Please.
Is that what Amy's telling you? Yeah, that's what Amy's telling me, But, Ben, this is a chick fight, and chick fights are dangerous.
Any fight between any two people is dangerous.
I know this.
I watched my parents fight all the time, and I learned to stay out of it.
So let's agree to stay out of it.
There's Adrian's side, and there's Amy's side, and we don't have a side.
I have a side.
I'm not a neutral party and neither are you.
But you could be, so let's shake hands and come out not fighting.
No offense, but I'm not shaking hands.
Hm.
Look, I don't like to have personal problems going on at work, but this is the kind of personal problem that can escalate into a global problem.
You know that, and I know that.
So let's get back in there and get Ben and talk this through.
I don't wanna talk.
I just wanna do my job.
And I wanna do my job without talking to anyone that I don't have to talk to, if you don't mind.
[scoffs.]
I do mind.
I'm telling you, I see it.
This is gonna snowball into hell.
Not because of me.
So you're taking his side? I'm not taking sides, and you and Ricky shouldn't take sides.
So you agree with Ricky.
Of course.
When you take sides, the rest of the world lines up behind one or the other of you, so-- So fine.
I'm taking Adrian's side.
And it makes me really angry that other people don't take her side because they're too busy judging her.
Somehow she got labeled as the bad girl, and no matter what she does or says, people wanna think of her as the bad girl.
"Somehow"? "Somehow she got labeled as a bad girl"? We're one and the same-- Adrian and me.
We've both been with too many people for all the wrong reasons.
And admit it, Adrian always seems to enjoy things better if things include getting back at people along the way-- me, her mother, her father.
Anyone.
Even you.
This is not getting in the middle? Well-- I'm just telling you what I know.
I know her, and I know Amy.
And that fight today was probably as much one's fault as the other's.
So let's stay out of it, and that's the last time I'm saying that.
Let's not.
At this point, I know Adrian better than you know Adrian, and she was not out to hurt anyone at school today.
I know that.
You do not know that.
You don't know anything about that fight, and neither do I.
And we can't possibly really know what Amy's motivation was for not having the invitation list, or Adrian's motivation for including girls I slept with on the invitation list, or if either of them even had a motivation.
What's your real reason for not coming to Amy's defense? I think you're still in love with Adrian.
That's the problem.
You're still in love with her.
I was never in love with her.
No, you were in love with her.
You told her you were in love wither.
I told all of those girls I was in love with them, too.
What do you mean you don't know if there's gonna be a shower? After that, there's still supposed to be a shower? I froze four dozen cupcakes this afternoon that I baked from scratch and made little teeny-tiny roses for.
There's gonna be a shower.
Mom, there's no one to invite.
I'm not gonna invite a bunch of mean girls who slept with Ricky.
I can't do that.
I can't ask Amy to buy them lunch.
That's crazy.
There must be at least four or five girls Adrian knows from majorettes or from Well, what else was she involved in at school? Nothing.
And come on.
Everybody knows the majorettes are all sluts.
Grace! You know that's not true.
I know.
I guess Adrian's not that close with them.
It doesn't mean they can't be friends.
I'll try.
It just seems like Adrian wants the shower for all the wrong reasons.
Stop being so judgmental, honey.
I mean, maybe she just wants a shower because she wants a shower.
Most brides and mothers-to-be want to have a shower, and most of the time their friends and family wanna give them a shower.
And I've already spent too much time and too much money on this for you to just give up.
And you've spent too much time and too much effort on your friendship with Adrian to just give up.
I don't wanna spend any more time or effort on this friendship or the shower.
I really don't.
Maybe if you weren't so busy having sex with Grant, you would have more time and energy for your friends and for this shower.
I know, but given the choice-- You don't have a choice.
There's gonna be a shower.
And if you and Adrian are the only two people there, you're not gonna feel very good about it, and neither is she and neither am I.
Mom, it was like a nightmare.
All of them standing there, staring at me.
Well, were they staring at you, or were they staring at Adrian? Okay, fine.
They were staring at Adrian, and I was staring at them, because-- How could she do that to me? How? Well, I'm not so sure that she was doing anything to you.
At least she didn't plan on doing anything to you.
Just walk over next door and talk to her.
Just apologize if you did anything to offend her, and just work it out, Amy.
What? If I did anything? How about if she did anything? Well, so what if she did something? She's very pregnant, and she and Ben are getting married.
She's probably under a lot of stress, so just give her a break and-- [beeping.]
Hold on.
There's someone on the other line.
[beeps.]
Hello? Amy, is that you? Who is this? Oh.
Sorry.
It's Kathleen Tseguay.
Who? Kathleen, Grace's mom.
Oh, hi.
Uh, I'm on the other line with my mom.
Oh, well, I was hoping to talk to your dad.
[beeps.]
Mom, that's Kathleen Bowman.
Or some other name.
Wife number one.
She wants to speak with Dad.
Well, then let her speak to Dad.
Good night, Amy.
I love you.
[beeps.]
Dad! You love me? It's our first date.
It's not our first date.
I wasn't talking to you.
Fine.
I don't wanna talk anyway.
Hello? George.
Who is this? Kathleen.
Kathleen Smith Juergens Bowman Tseguay? That's the one.
You wanted to see me? Yes.
I wanted to ask you something.
[sniffs.]
Is that you? Are you wearing cologne? Is that what you wanted to ask me? You call me all the way from the guest house, and you ask me if I am wearing cologne? What? No.
I called you up here to ask if you know if Adrian has any friends or girlfriends.
Has she ever mentioned any girlfriends to you? I don't know anything about any girlfriends.
Hers or mine.
Good night.
Are you sure? I am sure.
What about Tammy? Do you think Tammy would go to a shower for Adrian? Would my old girlfriend go to a shower for a woman I still love? I doubt it.
Help me.
I need to find someone to go to Adrian's shower.
I think Mom's doing that.
No.
She's doing a bunch of other stuff, and I'm supposed to do that.
She told me to find a bunch of girls to go to Adrian's shower.
[huffs.]
Yeah.
Poor Grace.
You got it really tough.
You're beautiful, you're smart, you have boyfriend, and yet you always do is complain, complain, complain.
That's not a very nice thing to say to me, Tom.
Well, that's not nice to say Adrian has no friends.
You could make her feel bad.
I never said that.
I didn't make her feel bad.
Amy made her feel bad.
Then I don't like you or Amy.
Why? Because you're still in love with Adrian? Maybe if you got over her, you'd find someone else to go out with.
You think you know everything, but if you're really smart, you wouldn't have sex with every guy you date.
I can't believe you just said that.
I said it, and I meant it.
[scoffs.]
Tom! Wait! I need to talk to you! You stink, you know that? I don't stink! You stink! You and your cologne! [laughs.]
I know.
That was the funniest thing you ever did-- putting those bunk beds in our bedroom and Oh.
Hi, Grace.
Do you need something? Who are you talking to? Do you need something? No.
Grace just walked in, so I should probably go.
I thought you were sick of talking to teenagers.
I know I am.
I didn't say that.
No, you said that, and I agreed with you.
No, no.
You said it, and I agreed with you.
Mom-- Yeah, well, despite that, you have to talk to Grace, and I have to talk to Amy.
Good luck.
You, too.
Good night.
[beeps.]
That wasn't Jeff.
No, it wasn't.
It was George Juergens.
I called him to ask if he would encourage Amy to work things out with Adrian.
Why? I told you, Adrian should be the one to work things out with Amy.
Either way, they should work it out.
Just so we can have the stupid shower? No, not so we can have the stupid shower.
Because they're friends.
And are you and George friends now? [scoffs.]
Come on, Grace.
George is George.
You wouldn't Cheat on Jeff? No, I wouldn't.
Were you about to say that I've done that before? I cheated before when I was married to George? Maybe, but I didn't.
You're on restriction.
Starting now.
So I can't throw that shower? Can't anyone else answer the stupid door? [George.]
No! And ask who it is! Duh.
Who is it? Ben.
I'd like to speak with you, if I may.
Yeah, you may.
Come on in.
I don't really have a lot of time.
I was just cutting John's nails, and he hates that.
I have to study for calculus, and I hate that.
Hi, John.
Wanna sit down? Yeah, if you don't mind.
"If you don't mind, if I may" I know what this is about.
Hey, Dad, will you get John? Okay.
Go on, buddy.
[grunts.]
Got him! I'm really upset with you, but I'm trying to be polite.
I don't have time for polite.
Just tell me why you're upset.
Say what you wanna say.
Like I don't already know.
So you do know that you were rude to Adrian and made her cry.
Adrian was rude to me and made me cry.
In response to what you did to her.
Which was try to throw her a baby shower.
No.
Which was to point out that she has no friends to come to a baby shower.
I was not doing that.
I just didn't know who to invite.
That was her job-- to come up with a list.
She doesn't have a list.
Oh, no, no.
She did have a list.
It just was not the list I was looking for.
[sighs.]
[sighs.]
Amy, we're friends, aren't we? I don't know.
I don't know what being friends with you means.
That we once loved each other, but now we love other people.
So now we're just friends.
But we are friends.
So, if I ask you, as a friend, to make up with Adrian and just come up with some girls to come to the shower, can't you do that for me, for old time's sake? I don't know anyone to come to the stupid shower.
And after what Adrian did, I don't even wanna go to the stupid shower.
All right.
I have a suggestion for a shower guest.
Maybe you can just invite her, and then the list will grow from there.
Ask Alice.
I did ask Alice.
And she's going to a cousin's bar mitzvah on Saturday.
She's Japanese.
I know that.
Ben, since we're friends, I wanna be honest with you and tell you something that your other friends won't tell you.
You're having a baby with a girl who got pregnant because she was trying to get back at her old boyfriend.
And you're marrying her and sharing the rest of your life with her, and she's still trying to get back at her old boyfriend and all the girls he ever slept with, including me.
And that's the truth.
So deal with it.
And just what was your reason for getting pregnant? Were you taken advantage of? Did Ricky take advantage of you? Were you sexually stupid? Did you not know that having unprotected sex could result in a pregnancy? You know, at least Adrian is willing to take responsibility for what happened.
Yeah, even though it was an accident, Adrian is willing to take responsibility.
And Adrian is honest, even brutally honest.
So I believe her when she says that she wasn't out to get you today.
And I believe her when she says that she was embarrassed because there was no list of girls to invite.
And I believe her when she says that she loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of our lives.
Do you believe Ricky when he tells you that he loves you? Because Ricky has told every girl that he has ever been with that he loves her.
Do you really love Ricky? The real Ricky? The guy who slept with all those girls? The guy that every girl has been with? Or do you just wanna justify getting pregnant by him in the first place? Get out of this house.
And gladly.
[door opens.]
[door closes.]
You still want me to throw a shower for Adrian? - Oh, boy.
- She's my daughter.
I think he forgets how much Amy has been through.
I don't know what to say other than he's my son, and right now he's going through a lot.
That's not Amy's fault.
What? Well, no, it's not exactly her fault.
"Not exactly"? What does that mean? Nothing.
It means nothing.
You know I'm under a lot of pressure here myself, and I don't wanna say anything I shouldn't.
So, I'll talk to Ben.
Good.
Talk to Ben.
How is it Amy's fault? How could it possibly be Amy's fault? Let's just let sleeping dogs lie, huh? Let's not.
George, my 17-year-old son is having a baby.
He's moving out of my house and into a condo, and he's getting married.
And in the midst of all that, he did something stupid tonight.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to apologize to me.
He has to apologize to Amy.
And I don't care what his excuse is.
There is no excuse.
My Amy is a nice girl.
She didn't deserve that.
I'm sure she didn't.
But if there's an excuse, I'd say that Ben fell in love with Amy, and it was the beginning of the end of a normal teenage existence as he knew it.
It took him down a completely different path that neither Ben or I wanted him to go.
And I'm not saying that him having a baby and getting married is Amy's fault, and I'm not saying that argument today is Amy's fault.
I'm just saying that the forces behind that argument today were set in motion a long time ago by Amy.
Well, I don't know anything about forces or consequences or going down paths or normal teenage existence or any of that other gibberish.
All I know is your son came over to my house tonight and said some horrible things to my daughter.
He did.
But from his perspective, those horrible things are true.
And it's the perspective of a young man who got involved with a girl that was pregnant at 15.
What the hell is going on? What new conspiracy against Adrian and me is this? Dad if you think you're gonna force an apology from me for what I said tonight, you're wrong.
I'll talk to him.
Do that.
[door opens, closes.]
[sighs.]
Do not put me in a position to defend you again.
I don't like having to defend you.
In the process of defending you, I said some things that I now regret.
I rarely do that, but I did that because I completely lost my mind in trying to stand up for you, which is what you're doing in trying to stand up for Adrian.
You do not go over to someone's house and attack them like that even if you think it's the honorable thing to do-- defending your bride.
You escalated a little fight in the hallway today And I really don't know how to stop it at this point.
But it needs to be stopped as soon as possible.
Stopped or won? Stopped.
Yo, hey, what's up? You wanted to talk to me? [sighs.]
[sighs.]
You mind? Good night, Alice, Henry.
Good night.
Good night.
The King doth looked P.
O.
'd.
Yes, he doth.
So does the prince.
You have a bar mitzvah to go to this Saturday? [chuckles.]
Alice? Uh-oh.
Look, if you don't wanna be friends with Adrian, then you don't wanna be friends with me.
Oh, no.
I wanna be friends with Adrian.
I just don't wanna go to a shower.
You two are my only friends, and I don't wanna sit around with Amy and Adrian and Grace and play shower games.
And why would you? I mean, you've only been coming over to my house for, what, almost ten years now? Eating our food and being driven by our chauffeur.
Sleeping in my room and playing in our game room.
Watching movies in our screening room, and going to sports events and concerts and restaurants all at my family's expense.
Why would you wanna do me the very small favor of getting a little gift for my soon-to-be wife's shower? My soon-to-be wife and mother of my daughter's shower? That's a bit harsh, isn't it? I'm sorry.
It's not that I don't love you.
I love you, Ben.
It's just that I don't wanna be part of all this.
I don't really think you should be getting married.
Oh, God.
What do you think, Henry? I think that neither of you can take back what you just said to each other, and so I'll just say I love you both, and I apologize to each of you for what the other said.
And I wish you love, peace, and Soul Train! Just trying to use humor to keep our friendship from falling into a black hole.
Too late.
That's not what we broke up over-- whether or not you would have sex with me.
Yes, it was.
It was why you wouldn't Because you thought I'd had sex with that girl you hated.
What girl I hated? Karen.
Who? Karen Corcoran.
Oh, come on.
She made lunch for me one day.
That was the end of it for you and me.
Oh, yeah.
Ham sandwich and a bag of chips.
Oh, yeah.
Now it's coming back to me.
You did not forget that.
Come on.
[laughs.]
No, I did.
Wait.
I beat her out for position on the cheerleading squad, so she went after you to get back at me.
I never did anything with that girl.
Okay, but you wanted to, and she wanted to.
That'why she made you a ham sandwich.
We were having a perfectly nice evening.
Why'd you have to go and bring that up for? It was high school.
Oh, come on.
It was nothing.
Okay.
Well, maybe it's nothing, but because of that, we both ended up marrying other people.
Because of a ham sandwich? Yep.
High school stinks.
We're not in high school anymore.
The whole world's a high school.
This shower has gotten completely out of hand.
[chuckles.]
Yeah.
It's funny how one little argument can destroy an entire universe.
Yeah.
Do you remember why we broke up? Uh, yeah.
You cheated on me.
Yeah, but it was more than that, really.
No, that was it.
No, you didn't wanna go to couples counseling because the counselor was a woman.
And I felt that I needed a woman on my side.
I thought that a woman could explain why a woman would cheat on her husband and, well, make it sound good.
But you wouldn't go.
No.
And you know what? I still don't think a marriage can be saved through counseling.
And now I've got the experience to prove it.
Yeah, well, the marriage counselor really couldn't have made it sound good, because I was just angry on a really deep level.
I-- I'd gotten married way too early, and I didn't really wanna be married.
I just wanted to have sex.
[laughs.]
Oh, wanted to be close to someone, and I wanted someone to love me.
I loved you.
You used to leave your socks on the floor.
I had told you that was driving me crazy-- your socks on the floor.
I felt like I was always picking up your dirty socks.
I like to just step out of them.
I still do.
I stand on the toe of one sock, and I pull my foot out, and then I stand on the toe of the other sock, and I pull my foot out.
I've been doing it since I was a kid.
It's like setting my feet free.
I love the feeling.
Well, I never told you that I threw away every sock that you left on the floor until you were almost out of socks.
And then when you were down to your last pair, I-- I-- I got scared, and I went out, and, um, bought you some new socks.
[chuckles.]
So what are you saying? The guy you cheated with was a sock salesman? The guy sold socks? Well, he owned the sock company.
He just happened to be in the store.
So you did it with him because my socks were on the floor? Your socks were on the floor every day for a couple years, George, and it went to a bad place inside me-- picking up those socks.
I just-- I felt like I was your servant.
And I had had it drilled into me all my life by my own mother that women are the servants of man, and I just didn't like it.
I didn't like picking up those socks, George.
[sighs.]
I hated it.
[chuckles.]
What was it that you said earlier? "It's funny how one little argument can destroy the entire universe.
" [door closes.]
It was just socks.
[beeping.]
Grace, I'm telling you, he f he feels really bad.
Just go down there and talk to him.
No.
If he felt really bad, he'd come up here.
You know he didn't mean it.
Well, then he shouldn't have said it.
Grace-- What? Do you mind? I'm trying to text Grant.
Will you just forget about Grant for two seconds? You'd like that, wouldn't you? What is wrong with you? I'll tell you what's wrong with me.
My day started off badly, and it's only gotten worse.
I cannot believe this fight with Adrian has escalated into this-- into my not being able to see Grant.
And how are you blaming that on Adrian? Who am I supposed to blame it on? Me? It's not my fault Adrian doesn't have any friends to invite to her shower.
As her one and only friend, surely you know this about Adrian: She doesn't have any friends.
Well, as usual, that sounds like something Madison would say.
Did you say that or did Madison say that? I haven't even spoken to Madison tonight 'cause I've been too busy talking to Tom as if I don't have two tests tomorrow.
Why don't you just admit that the fight in the hallway was as much your fault as anyone else's? [scoffs.]
I don't think you wanna throw a shower for Adrian, because if you did, you would've come up with a list of girls to invite.
That wasn't my job.
That was Amy's job.
I made the invitations.
And that fight in the hallway was Adrian's way of trying to show Amy how many girls Ricky had slept with.
It has nothing to do with me.
You say you're friends with Adrian, but I don't think you are.
I don't think you've ever really gotten over the fact that she and I had sex when you wouldt have sex with me.
And are we talking about oral sex or sex sex? Face it, Jack.
Our relationship was never gonna work out after you two did whatever you two did.
And yet you had sex with me.
I wish I hadn't had sex with you.
And which was it, oral sex or sex sex? Why? You still care about me? Your mom said I could talk to you for two minutes.
You know what? Two minutes would be too long.
Good night.
I really hate you.
[chuckles.]
I really don't believe that.
You weren't even gonna invite me to Adrian's shower? It wasn't my place to invite anyone, okay? Yes, it was.
Adrian and Grace made the invitation list to your shower.
Did they? Oh, yeah, maybe they did.
That's why the neighbors were there.
Yeah, that's why the neighbors were there.
And this is why you're a complete ass.
Okay, Ashley.
I have heard enough bad things said about me tonight.
From just one person, or a lot of different people? Just one.
Ben.
Ben came over here and told me off earlier, and I'm really not quite over it.
So I don't need you to make me feel badly about anything more, okay? Is that what's making you feel badly? Or are you still feeling badly from seeing all of Ricky's lovers? Old lovers.
You hope they're old lovers.
I know they're old lovers, and I know they don't mean anything to him.
Just like Ben doesn't mean anything to you, so why should you care what he said? He practically accused me of pretending to be in love with Ricky just so I could justify having slept with him in the first place.
Uh-huh.
And? And that's not true.
I was attracted to Ricky at band camp, and then I hated Ricky for what happened at band camp, and then I fell in love with Ricky.
I love him.
The Ricky in your imagination, or the real Ricky who sleeps with everyone? Not everyone.
Not you.
You know, I called Adrian a few minutes ago to find out her side of the story, and she said she was on the other line with Ricky and she'd have to call me back.
And you wanted to come and tell on Ricky because? Because you blame me for kissing Ricky, and that's because you don't think he could ever seriously be attracted to me.
And that hasn't made me feel so goodfor months.
So I took this opportunity to tell you.
Yeah.
You can't possibly see that kiss for what it really was-- a complete and total betrayal.
You really didn't care if you completely destroyed my relationship with Ricky just to have a little fun.
And you didn't really care if you completely destroyed this family just to have a little fun at band camp.
[sighs.]
Ben told you not to talk to me.
He did.
But you know what, Adrian? As close as you and Ben are, you and me-- we've known each other a lot longer than you and Ben.
And you and me-- we understand each other.
Yeah, I guess.
So what do you want? I just wanna talk.
So talk.
Did you really not know what you were doing when you were calling all those girls over in the hallway? Did you not know that that would be hurtful to Amy to have to look at a bunch of girls that I had sex with? What, you think I called them all last night and told them to be out there this morning? No.
It just happened.
I mean, let's face it.
You've been around.
Know what I'm talking about? Yes, I know what you're talking about.
So were you just trying to hurt me? I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, okay? I just want a shower.
I've never really had a party because girls don't like me.
And I want a party.
Do you know why girls don't like you? It doesn't matter.
I just know that they don't.
Because they don't, I feel kind of like I'm less than other people.
But, Adrian, maybe girls would like you if you were nicer to them.
Yeah, I know.
But I never get a chance to be nice to them.
I don't have anyone to be nice to except for Ben.
And I am really nice to Ben.
Yeah, he's let everyone know, believe me.
Come on, Adrian.
I know that all this stuff goes back to your feeling like all the kids in elementary school made fun of you because you didn't have nice clothes and all that.
But it's not elementary school, and you have to be a grown-up now.
You gotta get over your insecurities.
But I am.
No.
No, you're not.
Just marrying Ben is not gonna get you over your insecurities.
It may just make you feel more insecure.
What do you mean? Nothing.
Could you just go over and talk to Amy before anyone gets hurt? You know, I think Amy doesn't want any more company tonight.
I think I'll let her get over her last company.
Know what I mean? No, I don't know what you mean.
What do you mean.
You don't mean Ben was over there? Adrian! Ben really should've let you talk to me at school today.
[sighs.]