The Wild Wild West (1965) s03e22 Episode Script

Hold it right there, fella.
Keep going and I'm going to shoot you.
Wax.
My partner and I are working with the New Orleans police.
We're trying to locate a scientist that was working for the government.
Yeah.
His name is Lyman Armbruster.
Last seen in New Orleans about a week ago.
Yes, yes, but the only thing that interests me are his specifications.
Oh, well, he was, uh, tall, slender, sandied hair, uh, early 50s.
Nope.
Nothing in that description's come in.
But I've got a big one that was just fished out of the bayou.
He didn't happen to have an earring on his left ear, did he? Yes.
As a matter of fact, he has.
And a bullet hole in his heart? Yes.
Tiny Jon, that's his name.
Oh, I'll take your form 17 first.
Regulations.
Form 17? Your authorization for inspection.
You did get one from the commissioner? Artie, give the gentleman what he wants.
Oh, form 17? Oh, yes, of course.
Uh- Form 17, I have it in here somewhere.
Form 17.
Artie, it's the same one.
If you two think you can come in here snooping around without official authorization Oh, there's the elusive little rascal.
Ha.
Form 17.
I think you'll find it all in proper order.
Oh, yes, sir.
It certainly seems to be.
Take your time, gentlemen.
Oh, uh, before you leave, will you turn out the lights? Oh.
Well, unless his heart's in the wrong place, that bullet had to kill him instantaneously.
Artie, that bullet never even fazed this man.
May- Maybe it was the magic talisman that, uh, saved him.
Wait a minute.
Don't laugh, Jim.
Those who practice voodoo call this a wonga.
For them, it is a magic talisman.
If they believe in that enough, they can do incredible things.
Yeah, I know.
I saw a woman walk across burning coals without even raising a blister.
It's pure autohypnosis, of course.
Nobody knows how or why it works, but it does.
Artie, could autohypnosis save a man from a bullet in the heart? It wouldn't seem so, would it? No, it wouldn't.
Uh, listen, what about that strange sound that you heard which served as a kind of a signal for Tiny Jon to stop strangling you and move- Jim, look at this.
You know, Artie, Dr.
Eddington, being one of the top scientists in this country and a former associate of Dr.
Armbruster, ought to be able to give us a good lead on this case.
Artie, the doctor's invitation stressed that we are not to dress.
Well, it's just a basic boa.
I tell you, I can't get the memory of Tiny Jon's out of my mind.
Maybe the doctor can help us with that, too.
Yeah, well, he better.
Imagine Colonel Richmond's face when he sees my report.
"Nothing else in the way of developments except "for one minor detail: the corpse, when viewed at the morgue, glowed like a Christmas tree ornament.
Respectfully.
" Listen, I tell you.
You extend my apologies to Dr.
Eddington, will you? You mean you're not going? Why? I'd kind of like to test out a little program I've been toying with.
Such as? Well, as of the moment, we haven't been able to dig up any leads, right? With this, I might be able to have some leads dig me up.
Using what for bait? When you're looking for rats- Cheese.
Good luck, Artie.
Thank you, James.
My name is James West.
Dr.
Eddington- Is expecting you.
Yes, sir.
Right this way.
Would you wait in the library, sir? Thank you.
It's lovely.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to startle you.
That's Brahms, isn't it? You recognized it.
Why, thank you very much.
Miss Claypoole, my teacher, says that everything I play sounds- you're not Mr.
James West and Artemus Gordon? No, I'm- I'm just James West.
Oh, when daddy told me you were coming tonight, I got this picture of you.
You were dark and bulky and you had this great scar running along your cheek, and your hair was thinning on the top and- Well, actually, that is me.
You see, I'm just wearing a disguise.
I don't believe that.
By the way, I'm Mariah Eddington.
How do you do, Mariah? Daddy, may I present the celebrated Mr.
James West? The celebrated Dr.
Eddington.
How do you do? I see you've already met my daughter, Mariah.
Mr.
Gordon? Oh, he couldn't come tonight.
Well, I'm sorry.
Will you join me in a brandy? Oh, yes, I will.
Two brandies, Taro.
Daddy, remember your promise.
Uh, make that three, Taro.
And one of them a small brandy.
Mr.
West, would you be seated? Mr.
West, I was disturbed to learn that my old friend, Dr.
Lyman Armbruster, is- You keep staring at me.
Is there anything wrong? Oh, I'm sorry, doctor, but I couldn't help but recall the last time I saw you.
Really? Where was that? It was deep in the bayou country.
You were stretched out on a voodoo sacrificial altar.
That's fantastic.
Why would anyone want to model a wax figure in my likeness? I don't know, but I'm sure there's a connection between that and Dr.
Armbruster's disappearance.
Oh, surely you're not serious? Oh, yes, I am, doctor.
I'm sure you were aware that he was engaged in important research for our government? Yes.
Yes, I knew.
Although Lyman never gave me the details because of its classified nature.
I remember very well that he was enthusiastic about a certain sample that had been sent to him.
By whom? Well, I don't know that, Mr.
West.
He never told me that.
But I knew that he was extremely interested in getting more of the same.
Ah, Taro, here please.
Thank you.
Thank you.
To dear friends and their safe return.
Last night at the voodoo ceremony, I was forced to shoot and kill a man.
Later, when I examined the body at the morgue, I found that, uh, his hands glowed in the dark.
Articulus.
Who's Articulus? I'm sorry.
I- I guess I was thinking out loud.
Many years ago, Mr.
West, Dr.
Armbruster and I worked together with Articulus.
Articulus was a brilliant researcher who, by the use of volatile salts, caused some of his guinea pigs to glow, as you described, which is the point where Dr.
Armbruster and I broke off our collaboration with him.
Why? His guinea pigs were human.
They died.
Oh.
Where is Dr.
Articulus now? He, too, died.
He was burned to death in a laboratory explosion, which was fortunate in a grisly way, because Armbruster and I were prepared to bring criminal malpractice charges against him when- Stupid of me, but I- I detest that sound.
It arises with the wind's passage through the trees, I suspect.
Whenever I hear that sound, and I've- I've been hearing it more and more lately, I get a distinctly unpleasant feeling.
Mariah? What is it, Mariah? I became dizzy.
The brandy, I suppose.
You're not hurt? No, no.
I'm just a little bit tired.
If you and Mr.
West will excuse me? Reluctantly, Mariah.
Good night.
Sleep well, my dear.
Another brandy, Mr.
West? Oh, no, thank you, doctor.
I've got some official government business that I have to take care of.
Good night, sir.
Good night.
Oh, I-I'm terribly sorry.
Please excuse me, sir.
No, I-I-I'm- You! Yes.
Yes.
You know what you are? Yes.
Yes, I certainly do, sir.
Please forgive me.
I- I just didn't see you there.
All right, I'll forgive you.
I thank you.
What about you, Louie? Why not? After all, it was a mistake, wasn't it? Yes, yes.
It was a terrible mistake.
I'm terribly sorry.
Then I forgive you, too.
Oh, thank you so- Gentlemen, please, I- Huh, gent- Well, hm- I- I can see that there's been a dreadful misunderstanding, so if you will just excuse me, I'll- I don't think he likes us.
Oh, I love you.
I love you.
I love every one of you.
Not well enough to drink with us.
Oh, yes, yes.
Indeed, well enough- Well enough to drink, uh- With you.
Uh- I'll have a small sherry.
You heard the man, Gilly.
A small sherry.
All right, clear the way.
Give us room.
Oh, I needed that.
I think.
How about a double this time, Gilly? Yeah, more sherry, Gilly.
No, I don't care for any more, thank you very much.
Let me just pay for this.
I'll be very happy to- Can you- Can you tell me how much I owe for the sherry? H- How much do they charge- Oh, dear, I hope they haven't all left on my account, have they? Where did you get that? What? Oh, you mean this funny-looking medal? I- I-I found it.
Do- Do you know where I might get another one? Another one? Why? Well, I thought perhaps I might have a pair of earrings made for my aunt Maude.
You see, I-I- I've promised her that I would bring her back some souvenir from our convention.
Now, listen, you take my advice and you leave that right where you found it.
Oh, and disappoint aunt Maude? Uh, never mind.
I'll find one somewhere else.
That's the idea, Algernon.
If you are speaking to me, my name is Beldon Scovill, Jr.
Well, if first you don't succeed, just keep right on trying.
Stay out of this, Domino.
Why, Gilly, I'm surprised at you.
Junior here needs help.
Don't you, junior? Yes, I do.
I- I-I most certainly do.
Well, I warned you.
Warned me? Well, you see, I have this aunt Maude, and, uh, I thought that I would have a pair of earrings made out of these silly, little medals.
I can only find one of them.
I can show you where to get another one just like it.
Oh, could you? Come in.
I am Phalah.
Won't you come in? Oh, uh, yes, yes.
Thank you very much.
How do you do, Miss Phalah? It's a pleasure to meet you.
Uh, my name is Beldon Scovill, Jr.
You see, we accountants are here on an annual convention, and I- Won't you sit down? Oh, no, no, no.
Really that's not necessary.
No, you don't understand.
You see, I was directed here because- Just as I thought.
You have most unusual formations.
Oh, really? Well, you know, I once fell off a porch glider as a boy.
I didn't think it still showed.
You have courage.
More than your share.
Oh, well, I wouldn't say that.
I read a kind of courage in you.
The kind that is foolhardy that will only lead to disaster.
Do I make myself plain? Yes, I think so.
Go on.
There is more but you came here with a question, I think.
Hm? Oh, oh, yes.
I was wondering where I could get another medal just like this one.
How would I know? You don't know what it is then? It is just a trinket.
Yes, but you see, I was looking for one for my aunt Maude.
I- I told you, I do not know where- She would love to have them as a pair of earrings, and if I didn't, she'd be so disappointed, don't you see? In the bayou.
Yes? Heading north towards Sandoniece.
Always continuing with the west forks at the bank.
Yes, yes.
Go on.
But there are miles of swamp, tangled cypress roots, alligators and moccasins.
You'll never make it.
Oh, dear.
But if you continue, always holding to the west bank.
You'll come to a deserted house.
Well, if it's deserted, how could- Oh, I see, you mean you- It really isn't deserted, is it? I see.
Thank you.
Thank you so much, Miss Phalah.
You've been most helpful.
My aunt Maude will be very grateful.
Follow him.
Come in, Mr.
West.
Do.
No need to stand on ceremony.
Well, now that you're here, introductions are in order.
You don't know me.
No.
Only your name.
What makes you think you know that? Only Dr.
Articulus could have created human glowworms in his laboratory and killed them off in the process and have engineered mock humans like these.
I see you've been talking to my old comrade in arms, Paul Eddington.
It's a brilliant deduction, really.
First-rate.
Don't do that, Mr.
West.
He's beyond all help.
Many more will take his place.
We have many eager arrivals every day.
What have you done with Dr.
Armbruster? Does he look familiar? Dr.
Armbruster.
Yes.
You've ended your search.
You've found your man, Mr.
West.
What was that phrase you used? Mock humans? After a few weeks, you, too, will have achieved that mock-human appearance.
So, won't you join the other laborers in my vineyard? Won't you, Mr.
West? I tell you, this is utterly outrageous! Who's in charge here? You'll see in a minute.
I haven't the time, I tell you! What's going on down there? Who is this man? Don't know.
I found him snooping.
He claims he separated from his party.
Are you in charge, sir? Why did you bring him here? You know your orders.
Now just one moment! I've had as much of this as I'm going to take! I've had difficulties with surveys in my time, but this is the worst I've ever known, being roused about by your men here, these yahoos, and a house that isn't even on the charts.
What charts? This house is going to be coming down, brick by brick, in order to make way for a canal we're building from Baton Rouge to the gulf.
That's impossible.
I own this house.
Well, that's too bad.
It's coming down anyway.
You can't stand in the way of progress.
Hey, you leave my equipment here.
Won't you join me in the other room? Well, that's better.
Won't you sit down, Mr.
-? Uh, Brainard, Brainard, Samuel P.
Major, United States army, Corps of Engineers.
No, thank you.
Thank you.
About this canal, sir- Well, I can understand how you feel about this home, sir.
After all, a man's home is his, uh- And I assure you the government will be most equitable in settling with you for its appropriation.
I take it this route is quite determined? No, no, actually, there are alternates.
I don't think they're as good.
At least, that's what my report's going to read.
May I offer you a glass of wine, major? Why, yes.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Now, about these two routes.
Are you sure one of them might not be better? Well, I might be willing- My dear, come in.
Phalah, this is Major Brainard.
Major Brainard.
My pleasure, ma'am.
Phalah is my housekeeper.
Oh.
Oh, I see.
Well, as I was saying, I think I might be willing to consider one of those, uh, other routes.
Well, I would be most grateful to you.
My house means everything to me.
Oh, I can well understand that, Mr.
, uh- Articulus.
Articulus, I'm a reasonable man, uh- In fact, I might be willing to give great deal of thought to one of the other ways.
I might be willing to reward you.
Amazing, isn't it? I know a man who has a head exactly like yours.
His name is Beldon Scovill, Jr.
Isn't it, Beldon? It's charming.
I'm glad.
It's a cheerful, sunny room.
Yes, so I could see.
It's a very cheerful view of the bars and of those sunny guards patrolling downstairs.
Yes.
I think you'll be comfortable here.
Certainly there is no chance for your being disturbed.
Actually, I won't be seeing you in the morning.
I'm being married.
Well, how fortunate for you.
May I offer my congratulations.
Thank you, sir.
And that explains why I won't be able to give very much time to you at the moment.
But after the ceremony, I shall devote a great deal more time to you and Mr.
West.
I'd like to apologize, if I may.
I've, uh, congratulated the happy groom, but- I seem to have overlooked the blushing bride.
May I wish you the very best of luck.
What makes you think that I am to be the bride? You mean you're not? I'm terribly sorry.
I seem to have gaffed again.
Does he know you love him? Or that, whoever he's marrying, she couldn't possibly love him as much as you do? She doesn't love him at all.
He's a blind fool.
You know, we might perhaps be of some help to each other- you and I.
Even if I wanted to help you, I can't get you out.
I wouldn't dream of asking for that much.
Just tell me where James West is.
Why should I? Because if you do, Phalah, I promise you that marriage will not take place tomorrow.
Come on, Phalah.
You don't have to lift a finger.
Just tell me where he is, and your doctor marries no one.
He's in the mold chamber, where the undead do their harvesting.
It's in the basement of the building.
Get to work.
I'm through working.
Looks like someone was going to have a wedding a long time ago.
Someone's going to have a wedding today.
Did you know that? Dr.
Articulus.
If that's true, then I think I know who the lucky girl is.
Mariah.
Mariah? Dr.
Eddington's daughter.
Which is no more than delayed justice.
Because it will be 18 years ago to the day tomorrow that I was preparing to sit across this table with my bride-to-be.
Until you learned that a criminal malpractice suit was headed your way.
You're very quick, Mr.
West.
Yes, I found that thanks to a couple of my colleagues, my whole world came crashing down around my head.
So then you know what happened? I'd say you decided you had to die in a laboratory explosion.
As a dead man soon comes to find that he doesn't mean very much to a grieving, young girl.
Who do you think that grieving, young girl was persuaded to marry? Yes.
This is the cream of the jest.
She married Paul Eddington, himself.
You see, don't you? That's why I'm marrying her daughter, Mariah.
It will go a long way toward righting the wrong that was done me.
I have a special punishment for Drs.
Eddington and Armbruster.
How about you two? You see, I told you he'd get around to us eventually.
Obviously the government has sent you to spy upon me.
Oh, I'll send you back saturated.
They'll find you in the sea, floating like fire on the water.
A warning against future interference.
Nothing personal, you understand? I see.
Then the voodoo mumbo jumbo- All a smoke screen, I suppose.
Exactly.
It kept people from prying into the swamp.
It ensured my privacy.
And it guaranteed me an army of my own, numberless, without fear or pain, and completely under the control of my will.
But not through voodoo? No, through the magic of a potion.
You helped me harvest the raw material.
You saw the army.
Except what did you call it an- Army of mock humans brought completely under the control of my potion.
Those lovely eyes- So like her mother.
But she is not her mother! Shut your mouth, Phalah.
Mr.
West, Mr.
Gordon, let's see how long you last in the refinery.
Get them out of here.
Those lovely eyes just for me.
One day she'll see you as you really are.
Then, there will be nothing but hate and disgust in those lovely eyes of hers.
You know, it's no fun hanging around with you anymore.
Jim, look.
That's definitely an ammonia derivative, which is bad news for us.
Must be the mold the doctor's preparing.
What mold? It's preparation to turn human beings into robots, and I've seen it work.
I'd say from the size of this operation, he's planning on a whole army.
Maybe we can do something about it.
You thinking what I'm thinking? I think so.
There, it's going now.
Okay.
Okay.
It's coming.
What do you want? Controls have gone crazy, the pressure's falling fast.
Jim.
Hold it.
Take her and get her outside.
And what about you? I'm going to find Articulus.
Are you out of your mind? This place is liable to go up while we're standing here talking.
He's liable to find the leak and fix it.
Then we'd be back where we started.
Let's get out of here.
Everything I've worked for.
Doctor.
It's time to go.
I've worked don't you see? Years, I've planned- I've planned this to work.
I- I-I- you.
You ruined it! You! You! You! You! Mr.
West.
Jim, it doesn't last.
The potion doesn't last.
Where's Articulus? He's not going to make it, Artie.
Ah, here it is.
I knew I'd seen it somewhere before.
Now, listen.
"Among certain sects in India, "there are men who, in the state of autohypnosis, can subject themselves to painful ordeals, such as walking on coals- Artie.
Hm? Watch your breathing near my cards.
"Such as walking on coals, lying on beds of nails "while having their skin punctured, which under ordinary conditions would result in painful injuries, yet they remain completely unmarked.
" Now, that could explain Mariah's little trick.
Hm.
Plus the potion she drank.
Oh, I did- Mariah.
Mr.
Gordon.
Mr.
West.
Come in, sit down.
We were just talking about you.
Dr.
Armbruster has asked me to send his thanks to both of you.
And he's coming along very nicely now.
Well, we're glad to hear that.
He's much too good a man to lose.
But we almost did lose him and who knows what else if it hadn't been for yourself and Mr.
West.
Well, at least it's over.
I forgot to tell you.
Do you know the glow that was on the hands of some of the undead? Yeah.
Who could forget it? Well, it seems it was just some sort of powder that rubbed off on the people who touched the mold.
And it doesn't even last.
Well, that just goes to prove a point.
What point? Well, I guess things are not always what they seem to be, right?