Empty Nest (1988) s03e23 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery One by one we fill the days we find a thousand different ways Sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need Rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on boy, oh, boy.
Yes! Carol, this is a lot of luggage.
It's only a four-day cruise.
Daddy, this one's my medications.
My my antacid, my anticoagulant, my dramamine, my kaopectate We're not this well-stocked at the hospital? Daddy, I can't help it.
We're going to be floating in the middle of the ocean.
Who wouldn't be nervous? Won't you let me take you on a sea cruise Barbara, stop it.
Carol, relax.
It's a luxury cruise.
Four days of sunshine, snorkeling, dancing And don't forget romance.
There are men on these cruises.
You could meet Mr.
right.
Oh, get real.
I never meet Mr.
right.
I'd settle for Mr.
stands-up-straight and doesn't-have-earwax.
Hey, westons.
Don't forget.
Be at the pier in exactly two hours.
Nassau.
Then Barbados, and then finally the Virgin Islands.
Barbara, I'm afraid that's off-limits to you.
Charley, we really appreciate your arranging this.
I mean, a luxury cruise 60% off.
Come on, you westons have been so good to me over the years it's the least I can do.
I owe you guys.
Now, I want you all to have a good time on me.
Barbara, you first.
Charley.
Charley, are you sure there's one life raft per passenger is the water very deep? Are there any icebergs? Carol, the ocean queen is the safest ship in the Caribbean.
Especially this season.
We added bomb-sniffing dogs.
Daddy? Oh, no, honey.
Please.
The ship is perfectly safe.
Carol Sea monster! Okay, I got your new passport here.
Ooh! Are you old! Thanks a lot, Laverne.
Okay, now, is is everything set? All right.
Relax.
Dr.
Gordon's on call at the office, and I'm here a-house-sittin' with dreyfuss.
You go on that cruise - and have a good time.
- Okay.
You know, personally, I don't trust any vehicle you can't put up on blocks.
- Daddy, we should be going.
- Okay! That's it.
We're off, Laverne now, listen, Laverne.
There's all kind of food in here.
And the ice maker makes.
A funny little noise when you use it, but it works.
Anything we have is yours.
All righty.
Thanks again, Laverne.
Dreyf, woof, woof.
All right, we'll see you in a couple of days, dreyf.
All righty, dreyfuss, I'm gonna make myself some ice tea here, and then you and I will sit down.
We'll have ourselves a little chat.
Oh, that is makin' a noise.
Let's take a look here.
Oh, daddy, it's so beautiful.
The sea is so blue.
Look at the natives.
Their colorful garb and their exotic outfits.
Barbara, we're still in fort lauderdale.
It's a man in a yellow cabana suit.
Daddy I don't feel well.
Honey, we haven't left the dock yet.
I know, but the gangplank was so wobbly.
Daddy, I don't think I'm gonna be able to deal with not seeing land for long periods of time.
Shh, sweetheart, there's nothing to be nervous about.
Carol - Pirates! - No! Go away, Barbara! Carol, relax.
This is a floating resort.
Look at this brochure.
They have a million activities.
Ooh, there's a talent show Thursday night.
I'm gonna do something for that.
Oh, look.
They have sick bay.
Oh, okay, okay.
Oh! Hello.
Thank you.
Beautiful.
Who are they from? I don't know.
Let me see.
Oh, there's no name.
- It's just a card.
- "To miss Weston, the loveliest person on the ship.
" Isn't that nice? Barbara, they could be for your sister Carol.
Only if you sent them, daddy.
- We're leaving port! - Here we go! Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
All right.
There you go, dear.
Please, now relax, dear.
We're gonna have a lovely lovely trip.
Carol? Flying fish! Oh, stop! - Aah! - Get away! Barbara, what are you doing? It's my new act for the talent show.
I'm gonna play the glasses.
There.
Perfect.
In tune.
Everybody know hey, Jude? Tough instrument.
Hello.
I'm Myrna, and this is Charlotte.
How do you do? It looks like we are your table partners for the cruise.
Oh, well, I'm Harry Weston and these are my daughters, this is Carol and Barbara.
- Hi! - Hello.
And, uh, where is Mrs.
Weston? Uh, well, there is no Mrs.
Weston.
I'm a widower.
Both: Ooh! Did you get on at fort lauderdale? Uh, yes, yes.
We live in Miami.
Both: Ooh! What do you do, Harry? I'm a pediatrician.
Both: Ooh! Oh, there's the man that put us at your table.
He told us how lonely you are.
What? Hey! How's everybody doing? Charley, can I talk to you for a minute, please? What's going on over here? Aren't they something? That Myrna's a wild woman.
Oh, if those bunions could talk.
Charley, did you tell them that i i i would date them? Oh, I didn't say "date".
I said "mingle".
It's part of the deal.
What deal? Well how do you think I got you the price break on the cruise? What? Hey, Harry, wake up and smell the polident.
Look, you're attractive, you're a widower, you're a doctor from Miami.
My god! You're the hottest thing that hit this ship since Morey Amsterdam played the Neptune lounge.
Charley, I thought this was a payback.
I thought you were being nice.
Oh, Harry, all you gotta do is mix and mingle.
And don't make it sound like such a chore.
Charlotte over there is a beauty contest winner.
She's a former miss Louisiana purchase.
Charley Ooh, there goes the love of my life.
Hm, I wonder what her name is.
Well, I'm hungry.
Both: Ooh! Excuse me.
I don't mean to disturb you.
Oh, no.
Not at all.
Miss Weston, I hope you got my flowers.
- You sent the flowers? - Yes.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know that they were for me.
There are two miss westons.
Oh, I didn't realize there were others.
When you came on board, I Saw only you.
Oh, my god in heaven, I'm dying.
I apologize for the interruption.
I'm Matthew, Matthew Wright.
Well, it's nice to meet you, Mr.
Wright.
It's Mr.
right! Oh, my god in heaven, I'm dying.
Carol, they're serving Espresso on the promenade deck.
I'd love for you to join me.
If you don't mind that the ocean is a little choppy right now.
Are you kidding? I love the sea.
Oh, young love is so romantic.
The only thing more romantic is mature love.
Both: Ooh! This is where it all happens.
The bridge of the ship, the helm.
If you lived here, you'd be home by now.
Charley, this is all so exciting.
How did you get to be captain of this ship at such a young age? Well, let's just say I didn't sleep my way to the top.
But that doesn't mean that Avenue is closed off to you.
You know, it's such coincidence, me being a dental technician and you a ship's captain.
You work on Bridges, so do I.
Ooh, mind meld.
Should you be steering with only one hand? Couldn't the ship go off course? Oh, no.
These things Pretty much run themselves.
You just gotta kinda sort of Program in what you want it to do.
There.
Now I've got both hands free to - Navigate.
- Oh.
Ooh, what was that? Is there something wrong with the ship? Oh, Carol, don't be nervous.
These people are highly trained professionals.
They know what they're doing.
Anyway.
Where were we? You were telling me how you knocked around Europe for a couple of years.
Right.
Then I settled down in my dad's law firm.
Now I'm senior partner at bartlett, Wright and Colton.
How about you? Me? Well, uh I had a bad marriage, a nervous breakdown, some therapy My dream is to some day open a self-help book shoppe.
That's "shop-pe," with two ps.
- I like it.
- You do? Yes.
Matthew, it's just hard to believe that I'm here with you now when a couple of hours ago I was huddled in the corner of my stateroom wearing my lifejacket and clutching my bottle of heave-no-more.
But enough about me.
Tell me more about you.
Well, what can I tell you? My likes? Woody Allen films, Chinese food, and lost causes.
And women whose beauty is matched only by the depth of their intelligence.
I love you, Carol.
What? I wanna marry you.
Oh, my god in heaven, I'm dying.
I know it's quick.
I know we've known each other only two hours, but I know what I want.
And I want you.
Are you sure? I mean, you've only known me a short time.
I have some faults.
- Hey, who doesn't? - I mean, little things.
I i laugh too loud, I can't sew I'm lactose-intolerant, you know? Look, Carol.
You are what you are.
And I love what you are.
Just say you'll marry me and we can have the ceremony right here on the ship.
This is all so quick.
It doesn't make any sense.
Carol, love is a decision of the heart, not the mind.
Just say yes.
Daddy, all I know is I love him and he loves me.
Well, sweetheart, I mean, that's wonderful.
I'm very happy for you, but it still seems awfully quick to be talking about marriage.
I know, daddy, but Matthew is bright and hardworking and creative and witty.
Honey, you've only known him for one day.
Daddy, he wants me to move out of our house and live with him in Massachusetts.
Then again, I'm an old Fuddy Duddy.
Well No, it's still It's too quick.
Daddy, I'm gonna go and get Matthew, and we'll all talk about this over brunch on the fiesta deck You'll see.
You're gonna fall in love with him just like I have.
Hi, daddy.
Hi, baby.
What do you think about all this marriage talk? I think it's real fast.
But on the other hand, maybe the less he knows about Carol, the better.
That's true.
Boy, this really must be weighing heavy on your mind.
What makes you say that? Well, why else would you be walking around without your wallet? What are you doing? It's my new act for the talent show.
Pick-pocketing.
And you have a flair for it.
All right, I'm gonna go up.
I'll be on deck.
Are you sure you wanna go out without your boxer shorts?! Ah! Don't do that! Come on.
How was that page? Fine.
Ah, my ship-to-shore.
Both: Ooh! Hi, Laverne.
Wait.
Hold hold on, dear.
Uh, I'm sorry.
This is, uh, private.
I'll tell you what.
If you leave me alone now, I'll let you come down to the fitness center and watch me do my deep-knee bends.
Both: Ooh! Hi, Laverne.
How's things back where you are? Well, nothin' really special to report.
Your office is fine.
All your patients are fine.
How are things on your end? Well, I've got some amazing news.
Carol's fallen in love.
She's talking about getting married.
Yeah, and dreyfuss is a-doin' the hokey-pokey.
How's the other one? Oh, Barbara.
She's in a talent show tonight as a pickpocket.
Make that juggler.
Make that a bad juggler.
Harry, I gotta talk to you.
It's important.
All right, Laverne.
I'll see you Saturday when we get back.
Okay.
Don't worry.
I'll keep the home fires a-burnin'.
Charley, what is it? I got put on temporary suspension.
What happened? They got a whole bunch of trumped-up charges against me.
I was with a dental technician.
Simba katzman.
They say I was trying to pose as the ship's captain trying to impress her.
Were you? Well Yeah.
They say I took the ship off course.
Did you? Well Yeah.
Seems I steered the ship a teensy bit into the Bermuda triangle.
Bermuda triangle? Isn't that the place where ships and planes and people kinda vanish into thin air? Harry, you've seen one too many twilight zones.
Daddy, Matthew's disappeared.
What? What do you mean disappeared? I have looked everywhere.
He's just gone.
Hey, Harry, how's that for a coincidence? I steer the ship into the Bermuda triangle - Charley, Charley - What?! What did you say? Well Last night I accidentally steered the ship slightly into the Bermuda triangle.
Oh, my god.
That was the last time I saw Matthew.
Perfect.
I finally meet Mr.
right and he gets sucked into another dimension.
Carol, that's preposterous.
That didn't happen.
He's I'm sure he's someplace on the ship.
Yeah, having a beer with Amelia earhart.
Sweetheart, come on.
We'll go find him.
Easy.
Come on.
Daddy, what happened? Did you find Matthew? No, not yet.
Oh, my god, my beloved's in a time warp.
Oh, no, sit.
Honey, please.
Look.
I just got through talking with the chief of security, and he's arranging that What is he doing? He's playing his head with spoons.
Ah, I see.
Anyway, anyway.
There's a search party.
They're gonna comb the ship and they will find him.
Baby, don't worry.
Well, we're going to move from head playing to song styling with our next act, a young lady who hails from, Miami Florida.
Would you please welcome Barbara Weston.
Oh.
She's gonna sing.
I hope she does that song she did in camp, remember? I'm a little teapot.
That was cute.
Oh, my god.
Well, at least it's dark, they can hardly see her.
Never know how much I love you Never know how much I care When you put your arms around me I get a fever that's so hard to bear You give me fever when you kiss me fever when you hold me tight Fever in the morning fever all through the night That's my daughter over here! You! You, you're grounded.
- Sun lights up the daytime.
- That's it, folks.
Show's over.
- The moon lights up the night.
- No, wait a minute.
Sweetheart! My eyes light up when you call my name Get off me! 'Cause you know I'm gonna treat you right We are now disembarking in fort lauderdale.
We hope you've enjoyed your cruise on the ocean queen and will sail with us again soon.
Carol, you have all your stuff? Yes, daddy.
Everything, except my one true love.
With whom I had hoped to spend the rest of my life.
Carol, I still say he's going to show up.
Oh, sure.
In a parallel universe.
All right.
Get over here.
Show's over.
There he is.
Hey, Harry! You almost forgot to say good-bye to the girls.
- Bye.
- Good-bye.
I'm in the book.
The fifth lupinski from the bottom.
I don't believe it.
There's Matthew.
Matthew! Matthew! Matthew, it's me, Carol.
Hi, Carol.
Oh! Oh, my god.
You're safe.
I was worried sick.
You're not gonna believe this, but I thought you were lost in the Bermuda triangle.
Where were you? I don't know.
Well, you were somewhere these last three days.
I don't know.
I must have blacked out.
It's never happened before.
Well, the important thing is that you're here now and we can pick up where we left off.
I'm I'm sorry, Carol, but something's changed.
Tsk, please, forgive me if I've caused you any pain.
- I must be going.
- Where? I don't know.
Submitted for your approval.
Carol Weston, doomed to roam the world without a man.
Will you? Charley! Carol, I'm so sorry about Matthew.
You know something, daddy? I think I'm gonna be okay.
Yeah? Yeah, I mean For one whole day it was wonderful.
I mean, a really terrific guy was in love with me.
And at least I didn't lose him to another woman, I lost him to the space-time continuum.
You think there's a support group for that? We'll find one, sweetie.
Come on.
Let's go.
All right.
Yes! Where's dreyf? Dreyfuss! Ah, you're back.
How was your trip? I lost the man of my dreams in the Bermuda triangle.
Well, you gotta roll with the punches, honey.
I had a great time.
Hey! Surprise, surprise.
How was it for you? Let's just say that if anybody named lupinski calls at the office, I'm very busy with a patient.
Ah, the ice machine doesn't make that noise anymore.
Oh yeah, I tinkered with the fridge a bit.
Laverne Oh, I really appreciate it.