Star Trek: Deep Space Nine s03e23 Episode Script
Family Business
- Hey, Dad.
|- Jako.
Dinner's almost ready.
You've convinced the Peljenites|to exchange ambassadors.
How do you know that? You only cook Hungarian food|when you're in a really good mood.
l always said that you are|a smart child.
Runs in the family.
l have some good news, too.
|Captain Yates is back on the station.
Kasidy Yates, the freighter captain|l told you about.
The one you want me to meet? l could invite her over.
|How about tomorrow night? We're getting a little ahead|of ourselves here.
l know you want me to meet her|and l will.
- Let me handle it my way.
|- You're going to like her, Dad.
You never know.
The place is packed.
- Where's Nog?|- l gave him the night off.
He's studying for his Starfleet exams.
He's a disgrace to his family|and to Ferengi everywhere.
He should be helping us earn profit,|not learning to be more human.
- He just wants to join Starfleet.
|- lt's the same thing.
That's how it begins.
All it takes is for one youngster|to join Starfleet and a generation of Ferengi will be|quoting the Prime Directive and abandoning the pursuit|of latinum.
lt's the end of Ferengi civilisation.
|And it's your fault.
Nog isn't going to destroy|the Ferengi way of life.
He just wants a job with better hours.
- You must be Quark.
|- That's me.
- Brunt, FCA.
|- The Ferengi Commerce Authority.
- A writ of accountability.
|- We're in trouble.
The bar is closed.
|Everybody out.
Go, go, go! Now! Everybody! This way! How do you get to be|an FCA liquidator? Hard work, bribes,|sucking up to the boss.
Just like any other job.
|Are these all your assets? - Yes.
|- No.
Down to the last slip of latinum.
You realise concealing financial|information from the FCA could result in severe fines? l would never hide anything|from the FCA.
We'll see.
- Could l look over those figures again?|- Yes.
Wait a minute.
That can't be right.
Rom, you forgot to include the profit|for the wine franchise.
But you told me Go get them.
Now.
Yes, brother.
You'll have to excuse Rom.
He means well but he can be|a lobeless idiot sometimes.
Please provide a dermal imprint|for FCA records.
You haven't told me|what l'm charged with.
No.
l haven't.
Oh! How rude of me.
For your trouble.
You're being charged with violating|Ferengi Trade By-Laws, subsection 1 027, paragraph 3.
l'm not sure l'm familiar|with that one.
You need a copy of the by-laws.
Which you just happen to have.
Subsection 1 027, paragraph 3.
''lmproper supervision|of a family member''? You are being held accountable|for the criminal activities of lshka, daughter of Adred, wife of Keldar.
lshka? You mean our mother.
|What's she done? She's charged with earning profit.
Earning profit? Our Moogie? Odo, l'm holding you responsible|for the safety of my bar for as long as l'm off the station.
- Going somewhere?|- Back to the homeworld.
A little trouble with the FCA? How do you know?|l won't be gone long.
All l've got to do is get my mother|to confess to her crimes.
- What's your mother done?|- lt doesn't matter.
l'm required to get her to admit|her wrongdoing and make reparations.
|That is what l'm going to do.
Assuming she cooperates.
She'd better.
l have no intention|of spending my latinum to make restitution for her crimes.
l will wring that confession out of her.
This is your mother? Don't remind me.
Chief O'Brien wants to know|when you can inspect the new runabout.
l will be available at 1 400 hours.
|Tell him l want to name it the Rubicon.
The rate we go through runabouts, it's a good thing the Earth|has so many rivers.
Have you met her yet? - Met who?|- Captain Yates.
- How did you know about her?|- Jake introduced us.
Are you going to ask her out|for dinner? l'm considering it.
|What did you think about her? Let me put it this way.
lf l were Curzon, l'd have stolen her|from you by now.
That's one of the reasons|l'm glad you're not Curzon any more.
Brother, wait.
|l'm coming with you.
- No, you're not.
|- Yes, l am.
What did l tell you|about contradicting me? You're going to watch|over the bar while l'm gone.
The bar's closed.
|There's no reason why l can't come.
l'll give you a reason.
|l don't want you to.
- You'll just take her side.
|- You mean Moogie? Yes, l mean Moogie.
Stop calling her|by that infantile nickname.
- She likes it.
|- l don't.
- She does.
|- You see? You always take her side.
Somebody has to.
|After all, she is our mother.
- l'm coming with you.
|- All right.
Fine.
Come if you want.
|Just remember one thing: this is between Moog Mother and me.
lf you know what's good for you,|you'll stay out of the way.
Welcome to our home.
Place your imprint|on the legal waivers and deposit your admission fee|in the box by the door.
- Remember, my house is my house.
|- As are its contents.
lt's good to be back, isn't it?|You haven't been here in 20 years.
lf l had my way, l would have been|gone another 20.
Mother has been acquiring|quite a few new things.
Doubtless with the generous stipend|you give her.
The latinum tooth-sharpener|l used when we were children.
All l had was a wooden chew stick.
Excuse me for interrupting,|but we have business to attend to.
lt's my duty to present a formal list of the infractions|committed by your mother.
You have three days to obtain|an admission of guilt.
lf you are not able to, your mother|will be placed in servitude and you will make restitution|for her crimes.
Do you understand? He understands.
Not that it matters.
|l'm not confessing anything.
Moogie! lt's good to see you, son.
You look well.
And you lookdressed.
Your mother is wearing clothes.
Mother, get undressed this instant.
Hello, Quark.
|You haven't changed a bit.
- Perhaps l should leave.
|- Perhaps you should.
- Was she addressing me?|- No, not at all.
This is my home|and l'll speak to whomever l want.
He's a stranger and you're a female.
l know what l'm doing.
Perhaps you do, but l will not stand|here and be spoken to by a female.
l'm sure there's an explanation.
You have three days|to get your house in order.
See what you've done? You're upsetting your brother.
He's not the only one who's upset.
|Not that anyone cares how l feel.
That's not true.
l care.
Then imprint this|and take off those clothes.
l'm not doing anything of the kind.
You're going to make a full confession|so l can go back to my bar.
We're leaving so soon? This is your home.
|You can stay as long as you like.
Or leave whenever you like.
|lt's up to you.
- Same old Moogie.
|- Yeah.
Are you sure this is absolutely|necessary? l don't know if l would call it necessary.
There's no telling how long|Quark will be away.
- We want our dartboard.
|- Can't you replicate another? - We could.
|- But we're not going to.
That's our dartboard.
lf Quark was going to run off, he could give us warning|so we could retrieve our property.
Getting it back might not be that simple.
This is one of Rom's special|security locks.
l've never seen anything|so convoluted.
Gentlemen, is there a problem? Quark has locked some of Chief O'Brien|and Dr Bashir's personal property inside the bar.
Let me guess.
|Your lucky dartboard? - We never said it was lucky.
|- We're used to playing on it.
A little defensive, aren't they? lt looks like it's a tripartite|microsealing mechanism.
lt's going to take a long time|to get through that.
- l'll be in cargo bay|- Four.
Seven.
l thought Thought what? l thought you were going to talk to the freighter captain.
Jake's friend.
- How do you two know about her?|- The Chief told me.
Exactly how many people has Jake told|about this woman? Everyone.
Tube grubs, extra juicy.
|Just the way you like them.
- What are you doing?|- Serving dinner.
- That's Mother's job.
|- She's not feeling well.
Wait a minute.
That's not bad.
We could say she's having|emotional problems.
We might even get the FCA|to drop the charges.
Actually, all she has is a slight rash.
That's hardly an excuse|not to serve her sons dinner.
She hasn't even softened|the grubs for us.
Moogie never liked chewing|our food for us.
She had her own way|of doing things.
The other children|used to tease us about her.
''Your mother won't chew your food.
|Your mother talks to strangers.
'' She went out of her way|to embarrass us.
Not to mention Father.
l remember.
There were nights when l would find|him slumped in this chair.
He'd say, ''l don't know what l'm going|to do about that female.
'' No wonder he never earned much profit.
|He was too busy worrying about her.
He could have done better|if she'd behaved herself, showed him the respect he deserved.
She may have dragged Father down,|but not me.
- lt's time someone put her in her place.
|- Have anyone in mind for the job? Dank and musty.
- l picked them from the cellar.
|- Mother, we need to talk.
Forget it, Quark.
|l am not imprinting the confession.
lt doesn't take away|from your achievement.
Admit what you did and tell the name|of any male who helped you.
- What exactly did she do?|- Never mind what she did.
- Would you prefer l told him?|- All right.
She took a part of the stipend l send her|and invested it in a beetle farm.
High quality beetles.
- The best.
|- How much did you make? Three bars of gold-pressed latinum.
lsn't the FCA overreacting a little? lt doesn't matter if it's one slip|or 1 00,000 bars.
Females are not allowed to earn profit.
Why not? lt's the law.
Without law,|society would descend into chaos.
lf you ask me, this society|could use a little chaos.
l wish Father were alive.
|Then it would be just like old times.
Sitting around the family table,|discussing important issues.
Mother, l know you're not like|other females.
You like to think about things,|you have opinions.
ls that a compliment|or an accusation? lt's a fact.
But if you don't imprint|this confession, you'll be sold into servitude|and l'll be forced to make restitution.
lt's only three bars of latinum.
l'm not going to let them|destroy this family.
lf our disgrace is made known,|we could never do business again.
l wouldn't do business with me.
Mother, please.
For our family's reputation,|for your sons' financial future, please imprint the confession.
l can't.
l wish you could|understand, Quark.
l understand perfectly.
You're a selfish female who never|cared about this family, about Father or about me.
You haven't changed your bedroom.
|lt's still very traditional.
l keep it this way to remind myself how idiotic Ferengi tradition can be|when it comes to females.
- Rom, is something wrong?|- Wrong? No.
Not really.
Exceptyour clothes.
Would you feel more comfortable|if l took them off? Maybe just a little.
lf it will make you feel better.
|But only for you.
- Better?|- Much.
lt would mean a lot to Quark|if you imprint that confession.
- He's made that quite clear.
|- l know he can be headstrong, not to mention mean and insulting|and rude, but he's not all bad.
He works hard.
|You should see the bar.
lt's thriving.
l'd like to, but Ferengi tradition|doesn't allow females to travel.
- Quark doesn't make the rules.
|- He just lives by them.
- Like a good Ferengi.
|- Like an unenlightened Ferengi.
Moogie, can't you give back|the three bars of latinum? You'll destroy everything|Quark's worked for.
You always were a good boy.
Quark doesn't know how lucky he is|to have a brother as loyal as you.
He knows.
|He just doesn't like showing it.
lf you cooperate, l can convince him|to increase your stipend.
This isn't about money.
Quark has always been more than|generous with my stipend.
lf it's not about money,|then what is it about? lt's about pride.
Knowing l'm just as capable|of earning profit as any male.
lf l imprint that confession, l'll be|admitting that what l did was wrong.
l'm not going to do that.
|l'd rather be sold into servitude.
- But what about Quark?|- He's a smart boy.
He can take care of himself.
Enough about your brother.
|Let me see your teeth.
- Why?|- They're looking a little dull.
l'll sharpen them for you.
Here we are.
Moogie, you're the best.
Pardshay, don't be an idiot.
|Go get an anti-grav sled.
Why don't you beam it|to your cargo hold? l wish l could,|but it's unstable biomatter.
The transporter should handle it if you adjust|the phase transition inhibitor.
Provided l had a Mark Vll transporter.
- You're still using a Mark Vl?|- A Mark V.
- They stopped making those|- 1 5 years ago.
When you work for the Petarians,|you make do with what they give you.
Let me guess.
Commander Sisko.
- Benjamin.
|- Kasidy Yates.
Yes, l know.
My son has told me|a lot about you.
Jake fancies himself|something of a matchmaker.
He means well.
He gets a little|enthusiastic now and then.
That sounds like the inertium ore.
|l'd better see what's going on.
- l can take care of it.
|- Of course.
Sorry about Jake.
How about coffee?|Say tomorrow evening.
1 800 hours? - Sounds good.
|- l'll see you tomorrow.
There's nothing like sleeping|in your old room.
- So how was your night?|- Mother's been busy.
Really? l didn't even know|she was up yet.
l mean she's been busy.
|l've been doing some checking.
This isn't about three bars of latinum.
- She earned more?|- A lot more.
So much that l haven't been able|to track it all down.
She's been operating under dozens|of different aliases, conducting transactions|all over the Ferengi Alliance.
Do you know what this means? Moogie's got the lobes for business.
Even if l sold everything l have, l couldn't come close to paying back|what she's earned.
l'm ruined.
Brother? - ls everything all right?|- Mm-hm.
l'm so proud of you.
Other people in your situation|might lose their temper, make a bad situation worse.
|But not my brother.
You're too smart for that.
You're going to sit there|and study the problem, and then come up with|a clear, simple solution.
- l already have.
|- You see? l told you.
- What is it?|- l'm going to kill her.
Moogie! Caught you.
Give me that.
- Give you what?|- That padd you just hid.
- lt's a letter to your cousin Stol.
|- A likely story.
l knew it.
|You were trying to hide more profits.
lt won't work.
l know all about|your little financial empire.
- lt's not so little.
|- Then you admit it? l'm sure Moogie has an explanation.
Since when does a Ferengi have|to make excuses for making profit? - You're a female.
|- And when it comes to profit, this female is a better Ferengi|than you'll ever be.
You expect me to believe you did|all this on your own? You had help.
Admit it.
|Tell me his name.
The FCA will hang him by his lobes|in the Sacred Marketplace.
- You can be so thickheaded.
|- There's no need to be insulting.
lnsults are the only thing|he understands.
He's so jealous|he can't even think straight.
Me? Jealous of you? You're just like your father.
Why would father be jealous of you? l had the lobes for business|and he didn't.
l tried to help him, but he wouldn't listen to me|because l was a female.
What other reason did he need?|Females don't belong in business.
- Give me one reason why not.
|- Because it's wrong.
You're going to have to do|better than that.
lt's the law.
That was good enough for Father|and for me.
A lot of things were good enough|for your father.
He was a lobeless failure.
lf you're not careful,|you'll end up just like him.
- That does it.
|- Where are you going? To the FCA.
Let's see what they have to say|about your financial empire.
Brother, wait.
l'm not going|to let you hurt mother.
She's no mother of mine.
Because of what she said?|Did it occur to you she might be right? How dare you take her side|against Father's? Don't tell me about Father.
|l knew him better than you did.
You went off, but l stayed here|for ten more years.
You know what l learned?|Father was no financial genius.
- Take that back.
|- lt's the truth.
He went from one bad deal to the next.
He couldn't hold onto latinum|if you sewed it into his pants.
Take that back! Quark! Rom! That's enough! - Let him go.
|- But Moogie! Stop it! Stop it, both of you! lf your brother wants to go|to the FCA, let him.
- You'll get in trouble.
|- l'll worry about that.
What are you waiting for? That is the steepest 40 flights|of stairs l have ever climbed.
Seven strips of latinum to use|the elevator.
Talk about inflation.
Refined dilithium down ten per cent? The name's Quark.
|l'm here to see Liquidator Brunt.
Of course.
l'll tell Liquidator Brunt you're here.
|Have a seat.
- How much?|- Three slips.
- l'll stand.
|- That'll be one slip.
l'll give you two for the chair.
lf you're delivering a confession,|l'll see that Liquidator Brunt gets it.
Tell Brunt l need to talk to him.
l have information that could shake|the Ferengi Alliance.
Brother, wait! - l have to sit down.
|- That'll be three slips of latinum.
- Brother, can you loan me?|- Yeah, yeah.
Here.
- What do you want?|- l have a message from Moogie.
She'll share it with you.
- What was that?|- Her profits.
50-50.
Tell Brunt l'll talk to him later.
|Let's try out that elevator.
- But it's so expensive.
|- l can afford it.
For your trouble.
Mother, l want to apologise|for all the terrible things l said.
l was angry and l got carried away.
|l'm sorry.
Apology accepted.
l'm glad Rom was able to catch you|before you made a horrible mistake.
lt would have been a shame|to waste all that profit.
l'm glad we agree.
- How much latinum have you made?|- Does it matter? l just want to make sure|that everything is divided fairly.
- 50-50.
Just like you said.
|- l never said that.
You said he'd let me keep|all the profit for myself.
l said no such thing.
So l lied to both of you.
lt was the only way to get you talking.
There's nothing to say.
Don't get your lobes caught|in the door on your way out.
You're both acting like children.
l will not let this family fall apart.
|Quark, you should be ashamed.
You treat Cardassians with more|respect than your own mother.
Moogie, if Quark can uncover|your hidden investments, eventually the FCA will, too.
Then all that profit will be lost.
|Think about that for a moment.
Neither of you is going to leave|this room until you've settled things.
ls that clear? And no shouting! l'm going to take a nap.
He's a sweet boy.
That's easy for you to say.
|He doesn't live next door to you.
You're too hard on him.
You always have been.
l had to be.
You were always|too easy on him.
lf you'd pushed him harder,|he would have amounted to something.
l doubt it.
When it comes to business,|he's a lot like your father.
You enjoy insulting Father, don't you? l'm not insulting anyone.
|l'm just being honest.
Rom's a lot like his father.
And you, l suppose, are a lot like me.
l never knew you felt like that.
Your father bought you your first copy|of the Rules of Acquisition, but who helped you memorise them? You did.
l don't think l've ever been prouder than the first time you made it|through all 285 rules without a mistake.
Rom knows them as well as l do.
But you understand them.
Rom never did.
|And neither did his father.
But even if Keldar didn't know|the first thing about profit, he knew everything about family.
He was a good husband and a wonderful father.
And l loved him for that.
|The way l love Rom.
And the way l love you.
You mean that? Yes, l suppose l do.
lf it'll make you happy,|l'll give back the money.
- You'll imprint the confession?|- You're my son, Quark.
You don't know how much this means.
l know exactly how much|this means to you.
Oh, Moogie.
l love you.
There's no place like New Orleans.
|Good food, great music.
- Sounds like a great place to grow up.
|- The best.
- Can l get you another "raktajino?"|- No, l'm fine.
You seem a little preoccupied.
When we made our plans, l forgot l had a previous engagement.
- l see.
|- lt's not what you think.
lt's a family obligation.
|My brother's a colonist on Cestus lll.
That's on the other side|of the Federation.
lt takes two weeks for a subspace|transmission to get here.
- l'm expecting one tonight.
|- l hope nothing's wrong.
Not unless he hurt himself again.
|Last time it was his knee.
How did that happen? He was doing something called|''sliding into second''.
- Sliding into second?|- Yes.
- That sounds like baseball.
|- You know about baseball? lt's my favourite sport, but no one|has played it for 200 years.
They've been playing it on Cestus lll|for the last six months.
l had no idea!|How many teams are there? Six, but they're trying to organise|a couple more.
l didn't know you liked baseball.
l didn't know anyone liked baseball|except me and Jake.
This transmission l mentioned|is an audio recording of a game between my brother's team|and the Cestus Comets.
lf you'd like, you're welcome|to listen to it with me.
- l'd love to.
|- Great.
Does your brother's league|use the designated hitter rule? They decided against it.
- Wood bats or polyduranide?|- Wood, of course.
Could your brother use|a right-handed pitcher? Everything seems to be in order.
We can finally put an end|to this matter.
- l hope you learnt your lesson.
|- And what would that be? She's speaking to me again.
- No, she wasn't.
|- She's speaking to me.
What were you saying|about a lesson? The lesson is no one|can outsmart the FCA.
She's learnt that.
Her confession will be a warning|to females all over the Alliance.
l don't think anyone has to know|about this.
What would people say if they knew|a female had earned that much latinum? l shudder to think.
Goodbye.
l sincerely hope l never see|any of you again.
The feeling is mutual.
l thought he'd never leave.
Mother, must you? l've just given up a sizable fortune.
|l'm in no mood for your nagging.
You're absolutely right.
lf you want|to wear clothes, go ahead.
- l'm leaving anyway.
|- So soon? l have to reopen the bar.
You could call your mother|once in a while.
Maybe even visit.
l will.
l promise.
- Let's go, Rom.
|- l'll be along in a moment.
l'm glad to see you two|are getting along.
l think things will be a lot better|between us from now on.
lf he doesn't find out you only gave|the FCA a third of your profits.
A third was too much.
lt's my fault for not hiding it better.
The FCA won't find the rest? l've got it hidden so well|l'll be lucky if l can find it.
Oh, Moogie.
Now, Rom, don't start crying.
|You'll get me doing it.
Go on.
Quark's waiting for you.
Take good care of your brother.
|- Jako.
Dinner's almost ready.
You've convinced the Peljenites|to exchange ambassadors.
How do you know that? You only cook Hungarian food|when you're in a really good mood.
l always said that you are|a smart child.
Runs in the family.
l have some good news, too.
|Captain Yates is back on the station.
Kasidy Yates, the freighter captain|l told you about.
The one you want me to meet? l could invite her over.
|How about tomorrow night? We're getting a little ahead|of ourselves here.
l know you want me to meet her|and l will.
- Let me handle it my way.
|- You're going to like her, Dad.
You never know.
The place is packed.
- Where's Nog?|- l gave him the night off.
He's studying for his Starfleet exams.
He's a disgrace to his family|and to Ferengi everywhere.
He should be helping us earn profit,|not learning to be more human.
- He just wants to join Starfleet.
|- lt's the same thing.
That's how it begins.
All it takes is for one youngster|to join Starfleet and a generation of Ferengi will be|quoting the Prime Directive and abandoning the pursuit|of latinum.
lt's the end of Ferengi civilisation.
|And it's your fault.
Nog isn't going to destroy|the Ferengi way of life.
He just wants a job with better hours.
- You must be Quark.
|- That's me.
- Brunt, FCA.
|- The Ferengi Commerce Authority.
- A writ of accountability.
|- We're in trouble.
The bar is closed.
|Everybody out.
Go, go, go! Now! Everybody! This way! How do you get to be|an FCA liquidator? Hard work, bribes,|sucking up to the boss.
Just like any other job.
|Are these all your assets? - Yes.
|- No.
Down to the last slip of latinum.
You realise concealing financial|information from the FCA could result in severe fines? l would never hide anything|from the FCA.
We'll see.
- Could l look over those figures again?|- Yes.
Wait a minute.
That can't be right.
Rom, you forgot to include the profit|for the wine franchise.
But you told me Go get them.
Now.
Yes, brother.
You'll have to excuse Rom.
He means well but he can be|a lobeless idiot sometimes.
Please provide a dermal imprint|for FCA records.
You haven't told me|what l'm charged with.
No.
l haven't.
Oh! How rude of me.
For your trouble.
You're being charged with violating|Ferengi Trade By-Laws, subsection 1 027, paragraph 3.
l'm not sure l'm familiar|with that one.
You need a copy of the by-laws.
Which you just happen to have.
Subsection 1 027, paragraph 3.
''lmproper supervision|of a family member''? You are being held accountable|for the criminal activities of lshka, daughter of Adred, wife of Keldar.
lshka? You mean our mother.
|What's she done? She's charged with earning profit.
Earning profit? Our Moogie? Odo, l'm holding you responsible|for the safety of my bar for as long as l'm off the station.
- Going somewhere?|- Back to the homeworld.
A little trouble with the FCA? How do you know?|l won't be gone long.
All l've got to do is get my mother|to confess to her crimes.
- What's your mother done?|- lt doesn't matter.
l'm required to get her to admit|her wrongdoing and make reparations.
|That is what l'm going to do.
Assuming she cooperates.
She'd better.
l have no intention|of spending my latinum to make restitution for her crimes.
l will wring that confession out of her.
This is your mother? Don't remind me.
Chief O'Brien wants to know|when you can inspect the new runabout.
l will be available at 1 400 hours.
|Tell him l want to name it the Rubicon.
The rate we go through runabouts, it's a good thing the Earth|has so many rivers.
Have you met her yet? - Met who?|- Captain Yates.
- How did you know about her?|- Jake introduced us.
Are you going to ask her out|for dinner? l'm considering it.
|What did you think about her? Let me put it this way.
lf l were Curzon, l'd have stolen her|from you by now.
That's one of the reasons|l'm glad you're not Curzon any more.
Brother, wait.
|l'm coming with you.
- No, you're not.
|- Yes, l am.
What did l tell you|about contradicting me? You're going to watch|over the bar while l'm gone.
The bar's closed.
|There's no reason why l can't come.
l'll give you a reason.
|l don't want you to.
- You'll just take her side.
|- You mean Moogie? Yes, l mean Moogie.
Stop calling her|by that infantile nickname.
- She likes it.
|- l don't.
- She does.
|- You see? You always take her side.
Somebody has to.
|After all, she is our mother.
- l'm coming with you.
|- All right.
Fine.
Come if you want.
|Just remember one thing: this is between Moog Mother and me.
lf you know what's good for you,|you'll stay out of the way.
Welcome to our home.
Place your imprint|on the legal waivers and deposit your admission fee|in the box by the door.
- Remember, my house is my house.
|- As are its contents.
lt's good to be back, isn't it?|You haven't been here in 20 years.
lf l had my way, l would have been|gone another 20.
Mother has been acquiring|quite a few new things.
Doubtless with the generous stipend|you give her.
The latinum tooth-sharpener|l used when we were children.
All l had was a wooden chew stick.
Excuse me for interrupting,|but we have business to attend to.
lt's my duty to present a formal list of the infractions|committed by your mother.
You have three days to obtain|an admission of guilt.
lf you are not able to, your mother|will be placed in servitude and you will make restitution|for her crimes.
Do you understand? He understands.
Not that it matters.
|l'm not confessing anything.
Moogie! lt's good to see you, son.
You look well.
And you lookdressed.
Your mother is wearing clothes.
Mother, get undressed this instant.
Hello, Quark.
|You haven't changed a bit.
- Perhaps l should leave.
|- Perhaps you should.
- Was she addressing me?|- No, not at all.
This is my home|and l'll speak to whomever l want.
He's a stranger and you're a female.
l know what l'm doing.
Perhaps you do, but l will not stand|here and be spoken to by a female.
l'm sure there's an explanation.
You have three days|to get your house in order.
See what you've done? You're upsetting your brother.
He's not the only one who's upset.
|Not that anyone cares how l feel.
That's not true.
l care.
Then imprint this|and take off those clothes.
l'm not doing anything of the kind.
You're going to make a full confession|so l can go back to my bar.
We're leaving so soon? This is your home.
|You can stay as long as you like.
Or leave whenever you like.
|lt's up to you.
- Same old Moogie.
|- Yeah.
Are you sure this is absolutely|necessary? l don't know if l would call it necessary.
There's no telling how long|Quark will be away.
- We want our dartboard.
|- Can't you replicate another? - We could.
|- But we're not going to.
That's our dartboard.
lf Quark was going to run off, he could give us warning|so we could retrieve our property.
Getting it back might not be that simple.
This is one of Rom's special|security locks.
l've never seen anything|so convoluted.
Gentlemen, is there a problem? Quark has locked some of Chief O'Brien|and Dr Bashir's personal property inside the bar.
Let me guess.
|Your lucky dartboard? - We never said it was lucky.
|- We're used to playing on it.
A little defensive, aren't they? lt looks like it's a tripartite|microsealing mechanism.
lt's going to take a long time|to get through that.
- l'll be in cargo bay|- Four.
Seven.
l thought Thought what? l thought you were going to talk to the freighter captain.
Jake's friend.
- How do you two know about her?|- The Chief told me.
Exactly how many people has Jake told|about this woman? Everyone.
Tube grubs, extra juicy.
|Just the way you like them.
- What are you doing?|- Serving dinner.
- That's Mother's job.
|- She's not feeling well.
Wait a minute.
That's not bad.
We could say she's having|emotional problems.
We might even get the FCA|to drop the charges.
Actually, all she has is a slight rash.
That's hardly an excuse|not to serve her sons dinner.
She hasn't even softened|the grubs for us.
Moogie never liked chewing|our food for us.
She had her own way|of doing things.
The other children|used to tease us about her.
''Your mother won't chew your food.
|Your mother talks to strangers.
'' She went out of her way|to embarrass us.
Not to mention Father.
l remember.
There were nights when l would find|him slumped in this chair.
He'd say, ''l don't know what l'm going|to do about that female.
'' No wonder he never earned much profit.
|He was too busy worrying about her.
He could have done better|if she'd behaved herself, showed him the respect he deserved.
She may have dragged Father down,|but not me.
- lt's time someone put her in her place.
|- Have anyone in mind for the job? Dank and musty.
- l picked them from the cellar.
|- Mother, we need to talk.
Forget it, Quark.
|l am not imprinting the confession.
lt doesn't take away|from your achievement.
Admit what you did and tell the name|of any male who helped you.
- What exactly did she do?|- Never mind what she did.
- Would you prefer l told him?|- All right.
She took a part of the stipend l send her|and invested it in a beetle farm.
High quality beetles.
- The best.
|- How much did you make? Three bars of gold-pressed latinum.
lsn't the FCA overreacting a little? lt doesn't matter if it's one slip|or 1 00,000 bars.
Females are not allowed to earn profit.
Why not? lt's the law.
Without law,|society would descend into chaos.
lf you ask me, this society|could use a little chaos.
l wish Father were alive.
|Then it would be just like old times.
Sitting around the family table,|discussing important issues.
Mother, l know you're not like|other females.
You like to think about things,|you have opinions.
ls that a compliment|or an accusation? lt's a fact.
But if you don't imprint|this confession, you'll be sold into servitude|and l'll be forced to make restitution.
lt's only three bars of latinum.
l'm not going to let them|destroy this family.
lf our disgrace is made known,|we could never do business again.
l wouldn't do business with me.
Mother, please.
For our family's reputation,|for your sons' financial future, please imprint the confession.
l can't.
l wish you could|understand, Quark.
l understand perfectly.
You're a selfish female who never|cared about this family, about Father or about me.
You haven't changed your bedroom.
|lt's still very traditional.
l keep it this way to remind myself how idiotic Ferengi tradition can be|when it comes to females.
- Rom, is something wrong?|- Wrong? No.
Not really.
Exceptyour clothes.
Would you feel more comfortable|if l took them off? Maybe just a little.
lf it will make you feel better.
|But only for you.
- Better?|- Much.
lt would mean a lot to Quark|if you imprint that confession.
- He's made that quite clear.
|- l know he can be headstrong, not to mention mean and insulting|and rude, but he's not all bad.
He works hard.
|You should see the bar.
lt's thriving.
l'd like to, but Ferengi tradition|doesn't allow females to travel.
- Quark doesn't make the rules.
|- He just lives by them.
- Like a good Ferengi.
|- Like an unenlightened Ferengi.
Moogie, can't you give back|the three bars of latinum? You'll destroy everything|Quark's worked for.
You always were a good boy.
Quark doesn't know how lucky he is|to have a brother as loyal as you.
He knows.
|He just doesn't like showing it.
lf you cooperate, l can convince him|to increase your stipend.
This isn't about money.
Quark has always been more than|generous with my stipend.
lf it's not about money,|then what is it about? lt's about pride.
Knowing l'm just as capable|of earning profit as any male.
lf l imprint that confession, l'll be|admitting that what l did was wrong.
l'm not going to do that.
|l'd rather be sold into servitude.
- But what about Quark?|- He's a smart boy.
He can take care of himself.
Enough about your brother.
|Let me see your teeth.
- Why?|- They're looking a little dull.
l'll sharpen them for you.
Here we are.
Moogie, you're the best.
Pardshay, don't be an idiot.
|Go get an anti-grav sled.
Why don't you beam it|to your cargo hold? l wish l could,|but it's unstable biomatter.
The transporter should handle it if you adjust|the phase transition inhibitor.
Provided l had a Mark Vll transporter.
- You're still using a Mark Vl?|- A Mark V.
- They stopped making those|- 1 5 years ago.
When you work for the Petarians,|you make do with what they give you.
Let me guess.
Commander Sisko.
- Benjamin.
|- Kasidy Yates.
Yes, l know.
My son has told me|a lot about you.
Jake fancies himself|something of a matchmaker.
He means well.
He gets a little|enthusiastic now and then.
That sounds like the inertium ore.
|l'd better see what's going on.
- l can take care of it.
|- Of course.
Sorry about Jake.
How about coffee?|Say tomorrow evening.
1 800 hours? - Sounds good.
|- l'll see you tomorrow.
There's nothing like sleeping|in your old room.
- So how was your night?|- Mother's been busy.
Really? l didn't even know|she was up yet.
l mean she's been busy.
|l've been doing some checking.
This isn't about three bars of latinum.
- She earned more?|- A lot more.
So much that l haven't been able|to track it all down.
She's been operating under dozens|of different aliases, conducting transactions|all over the Ferengi Alliance.
Do you know what this means? Moogie's got the lobes for business.
Even if l sold everything l have, l couldn't come close to paying back|what she's earned.
l'm ruined.
Brother? - ls everything all right?|- Mm-hm.
l'm so proud of you.
Other people in your situation|might lose their temper, make a bad situation worse.
|But not my brother.
You're too smart for that.
You're going to sit there|and study the problem, and then come up with|a clear, simple solution.
- l already have.
|- You see? l told you.
- What is it?|- l'm going to kill her.
Moogie! Caught you.
Give me that.
- Give you what?|- That padd you just hid.
- lt's a letter to your cousin Stol.
|- A likely story.
l knew it.
|You were trying to hide more profits.
lt won't work.
l know all about|your little financial empire.
- lt's not so little.
|- Then you admit it? l'm sure Moogie has an explanation.
Since when does a Ferengi have|to make excuses for making profit? - You're a female.
|- And when it comes to profit, this female is a better Ferengi|than you'll ever be.
You expect me to believe you did|all this on your own? You had help.
Admit it.
|Tell me his name.
The FCA will hang him by his lobes|in the Sacred Marketplace.
- You can be so thickheaded.
|- There's no need to be insulting.
lnsults are the only thing|he understands.
He's so jealous|he can't even think straight.
Me? Jealous of you? You're just like your father.
Why would father be jealous of you? l had the lobes for business|and he didn't.
l tried to help him, but he wouldn't listen to me|because l was a female.
What other reason did he need?|Females don't belong in business.
- Give me one reason why not.
|- Because it's wrong.
You're going to have to do|better than that.
lt's the law.
That was good enough for Father|and for me.
A lot of things were good enough|for your father.
He was a lobeless failure.
lf you're not careful,|you'll end up just like him.
- That does it.
|- Where are you going? To the FCA.
Let's see what they have to say|about your financial empire.
Brother, wait.
l'm not going|to let you hurt mother.
She's no mother of mine.
Because of what she said?|Did it occur to you she might be right? How dare you take her side|against Father's? Don't tell me about Father.
|l knew him better than you did.
You went off, but l stayed here|for ten more years.
You know what l learned?|Father was no financial genius.
- Take that back.
|- lt's the truth.
He went from one bad deal to the next.
He couldn't hold onto latinum|if you sewed it into his pants.
Take that back! Quark! Rom! That's enough! - Let him go.
|- But Moogie! Stop it! Stop it, both of you! lf your brother wants to go|to the FCA, let him.
- You'll get in trouble.
|- l'll worry about that.
What are you waiting for? That is the steepest 40 flights|of stairs l have ever climbed.
Seven strips of latinum to use|the elevator.
Talk about inflation.
Refined dilithium down ten per cent? The name's Quark.
|l'm here to see Liquidator Brunt.
Of course.
l'll tell Liquidator Brunt you're here.
|Have a seat.
- How much?|- Three slips.
- l'll stand.
|- That'll be one slip.
l'll give you two for the chair.
lf you're delivering a confession,|l'll see that Liquidator Brunt gets it.
Tell Brunt l need to talk to him.
l have information that could shake|the Ferengi Alliance.
Brother, wait! - l have to sit down.
|- That'll be three slips of latinum.
- Brother, can you loan me?|- Yeah, yeah.
Here.
- What do you want?|- l have a message from Moogie.
She'll share it with you.
- What was that?|- Her profits.
50-50.
Tell Brunt l'll talk to him later.
|Let's try out that elevator.
- But it's so expensive.
|- l can afford it.
For your trouble.
Mother, l want to apologise|for all the terrible things l said.
l was angry and l got carried away.
|l'm sorry.
Apology accepted.
l'm glad Rom was able to catch you|before you made a horrible mistake.
lt would have been a shame|to waste all that profit.
l'm glad we agree.
- How much latinum have you made?|- Does it matter? l just want to make sure|that everything is divided fairly.
- 50-50.
Just like you said.
|- l never said that.
You said he'd let me keep|all the profit for myself.
l said no such thing.
So l lied to both of you.
lt was the only way to get you talking.
There's nothing to say.
Don't get your lobes caught|in the door on your way out.
You're both acting like children.
l will not let this family fall apart.
|Quark, you should be ashamed.
You treat Cardassians with more|respect than your own mother.
Moogie, if Quark can uncover|your hidden investments, eventually the FCA will, too.
Then all that profit will be lost.
|Think about that for a moment.
Neither of you is going to leave|this room until you've settled things.
ls that clear? And no shouting! l'm going to take a nap.
He's a sweet boy.
That's easy for you to say.
|He doesn't live next door to you.
You're too hard on him.
You always have been.
l had to be.
You were always|too easy on him.
lf you'd pushed him harder,|he would have amounted to something.
l doubt it.
When it comes to business,|he's a lot like your father.
You enjoy insulting Father, don't you? l'm not insulting anyone.
|l'm just being honest.
Rom's a lot like his father.
And you, l suppose, are a lot like me.
l never knew you felt like that.
Your father bought you your first copy|of the Rules of Acquisition, but who helped you memorise them? You did.
l don't think l've ever been prouder than the first time you made it|through all 285 rules without a mistake.
Rom knows them as well as l do.
But you understand them.
Rom never did.
|And neither did his father.
But even if Keldar didn't know|the first thing about profit, he knew everything about family.
He was a good husband and a wonderful father.
And l loved him for that.
|The way l love Rom.
And the way l love you.
You mean that? Yes, l suppose l do.
lf it'll make you happy,|l'll give back the money.
- You'll imprint the confession?|- You're my son, Quark.
You don't know how much this means.
l know exactly how much|this means to you.
Oh, Moogie.
l love you.
There's no place like New Orleans.
|Good food, great music.
- Sounds like a great place to grow up.
|- The best.
- Can l get you another "raktajino?"|- No, l'm fine.
You seem a little preoccupied.
When we made our plans, l forgot l had a previous engagement.
- l see.
|- lt's not what you think.
lt's a family obligation.
|My brother's a colonist on Cestus lll.
That's on the other side|of the Federation.
lt takes two weeks for a subspace|transmission to get here.
- l'm expecting one tonight.
|- l hope nothing's wrong.
Not unless he hurt himself again.
|Last time it was his knee.
How did that happen? He was doing something called|''sliding into second''.
- Sliding into second?|- Yes.
- That sounds like baseball.
|- You know about baseball? lt's my favourite sport, but no one|has played it for 200 years.
They've been playing it on Cestus lll|for the last six months.
l had no idea!|How many teams are there? Six, but they're trying to organise|a couple more.
l didn't know you liked baseball.
l didn't know anyone liked baseball|except me and Jake.
This transmission l mentioned|is an audio recording of a game between my brother's team|and the Cestus Comets.
lf you'd like, you're welcome|to listen to it with me.
- l'd love to.
|- Great.
Does your brother's league|use the designated hitter rule? They decided against it.
- Wood bats or polyduranide?|- Wood, of course.
Could your brother use|a right-handed pitcher? Everything seems to be in order.
We can finally put an end|to this matter.
- l hope you learnt your lesson.
|- And what would that be? She's speaking to me again.
- No, she wasn't.
|- She's speaking to me.
What were you saying|about a lesson? The lesson is no one|can outsmart the FCA.
She's learnt that.
Her confession will be a warning|to females all over the Alliance.
l don't think anyone has to know|about this.
What would people say if they knew|a female had earned that much latinum? l shudder to think.
Goodbye.
l sincerely hope l never see|any of you again.
The feeling is mutual.
l thought he'd never leave.
Mother, must you? l've just given up a sizable fortune.
|l'm in no mood for your nagging.
You're absolutely right.
lf you want|to wear clothes, go ahead.
- l'm leaving anyway.
|- So soon? l have to reopen the bar.
You could call your mother|once in a while.
Maybe even visit.
l will.
l promise.
- Let's go, Rom.
|- l'll be along in a moment.
l'm glad to see you two|are getting along.
l think things will be a lot better|between us from now on.
lf he doesn't find out you only gave|the FCA a third of your profits.
A third was too much.
lt's my fault for not hiding it better.
The FCA won't find the rest? l've got it hidden so well|l'll be lucky if l can find it.
Oh, Moogie.
Now, Rom, don't start crying.
|You'll get me doing it.
Go on.
Quark's waiting for you.
Take good care of your brother.