The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air s03e23 Episode Script
The Way We Were
You like this, huh? You like this.
Earthquake! is a dance, and apparently you know it.
- Exceptional buns, Geoffrey.
- Thank you, sir.
Yes, I think he's been doing the StairMaster.
Where's your mother? Her breakfast is getting cold.
She's not eating.
Not until she can fit into her old wedding gown.
That's ridiculous.
You wouldn't expect me to fit into a pair of pants I wore 25 years ago.
Or 25 days ago, for that matter.
You know, she has nothing to worry about.
She's as beautiful as the day I married her.
Which is why I'm going to renew our vows this Saturday.
That is so romantic.
I wish I could find a guy to lie to me like that.
Sir, about Saturday's menu shall I prepare the same meal you had at your wedding? G, how's he supposed to remember what he had for dinner 25 years ago? Well, we started out with some chicken pot pie and some delicious coleslaw.
And then there was some really, really great baked beans, with, what, molasses.
And for dessert, we had a big huge chunk of chocolate devil's food cake.
I'm guessing.
If only that power could be used for good.
Maybe I'll go upstairs to try to cheer up your mother.
I'm so fat! On second thought, I'll call her from the car.
Good, he's gone.
Great, now we can finish working on their anniversary surprise.
I hope they like this photo album.
What's not to like? We got some great family pictures.
Look, here's me at the beach.
And here's me in my carriage.
Look, and here's me at the park.
I knew we should have gotten them those Ginsu knives.
This stuff is so boring.
Carlton's right.
Nothing exciting ever happens to our family.
Well, that's right, y'all, and that's why I came out here 'cause you people really need help.
Carlton Banks is wearing an elegant, yet masculine cotton-silk combination designed by Will St.
LeCarlton.
Six, seven, eight and contract, hut.
Five and six and seven, eight.
Fingers open.
Spread 'em out and look.
Contract, release, hut and up and ten and pose, hut, repeat.
Five and six and seven, eight, hut.
Say is that Philip Banks or Blair Underwood? What do you think of this one, Dad? I look like Little Richard, attorney at law.
Dinner is served.
A-wop-bop-a-Ioo-bop, a-Iop-bam-boom.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the star of Heidi Comes To Har/em.
Mom, if you make me go to school like this I'm going to write a book when I grow up.
Welcome to the Briny Deep where none of our prices are ever too steep.
We've got fresh fish, you can look in our tank.
To get to the bathroom, make a left at the plank.
Follow me.
Look, I know everyone gets a little silly around mid-terms - but not at the dinner table.
- I'm sorry, Mom.
Will Smith is the scum of the earth.
Hilary! However, Will Smith is the pinnacle of manliness.
Hilary! What's with Hilary? Hilary! Hilary! Hilary! Stop it! Stop it! Your Montrose vase attracts dust like a magnet! G, listen.
Problem solved.
Okay, G, listen.
Philip, I have $1,000 with your name on it.
Do the family a favor, get Viv some cooking lessons.
You! And, Miss Ashley, how does a Mercedes sound? Vroom, vroom? Very clever.
I'll get you two.
Vroom, vroom, vroom.
Nice try.
In case you hadn't figured it out I quit! For a long time, it gave me nightmares.
Having to witness an injustice like that.
It was a constant reminder of how unfair this world can be.
I can still hear them taunting him.
"Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids.
" How come they just couldn't give him some cereal? Hi, /'m Phi/ip Banks, and /'m running for superior court judge.
What the hell is that? That was our New y ear's Eve party.
Uncle Phil, you know, I just put in a couple of home movies you know, to show your human side.
It gets better, check it out.
And if you put me on the Bench, /'// take a rea/ bite out of crime.
Bite.
Bite.
Bite.
Vote for Phi/ip Banks.
Phi/ip Banks.
Phi/ip Banks.
Phi/ip Banks.
Where's the family room? Man, I'm going to kill Carlton.
Kill him? I want to know the name of his decorator.
- No, I'm sorry.
- What do you two think you're doing? I was trying to get up to my room.
- Tom, what was you doing? - I was trying to be in the video.
Look, a Donna Karan suit, right in the middle of the kitchen floor.
What color? You gotta come out to see that.
Sorry, Will, it won't work.
Look, G, she won't listen to me, man.
I give up.
I think it's time you came out of the closet.
Let me.
Sonny what you do in the privacy of the bedroom is nobody's business but yours.
Just be true to yourself.
He'll come around.
Take it off! Put it on! Carlton Banks, you put your clothes on this minute.
Mommy! Wow! Will, check out the talent.
She's cool.
She's hot.
She's y our baby sister, man! Carlton's log.
Earth date 1992.
It's 6:00 a.
m.
Up with the dawn, the small band of brave souls prepare to pile into their Mercedes.
Destination: Adventure.
Hey, I didn't know Mom was a ventriloquist.
Look at that funny-Iooking little dummy on her knee.
Ashley, that's Carlton.
Uncle Phil, what's up? - Where is it? - Geoffrey took it, I swear! Oh, my God, your Aunt Vivian's going to kill me.
Uncle Phil, look, you're winning a lot of points with this second wedding thing.
I'm sure whatever it is, she can handle it.
I lost my wedding ring.
So, where shall we scatter the ashes? I cannot believe I wore that ring every day for 25 years and the day before my anniversary, I lose it.
Okay, now, just think.
Maybe it will help if you remember what you were doing when you lost it.
I was eating.
That narrows it down.
Hey, what up, J? Greetings, all.
I guess my invitation to the wedding rerun was misplaced.
But I thought I'd come by anyway.
I'm guessing the bride won't be wearing white.
Jazz, the ceremony isn't till tomorrow, man.
Then I'll be spending the night.
I hear the pool house has a delightful northern exposure.
Hilary, woman, draw me a bath.
I wouldn't draw you a cartoon.
- That's it.
That's it.
I'm out of here.
- Wait.
Jazz, come here, man.
Look, this is not the right time to mess with Uncle Phil.
He lost something really important.
Geoffrey took it.
I swear.
Look, kids, you look down here.
I'm going to look for the ring upstairs.
Give it up, big guy, we've already looked everywhere.
I'll give $100 to the first one who finds it.
Now you're talking.
My family.
Can't live with 'em, can't turn your back on 'em.
Ouch! Oh, my eye! Will, are you okay? Here's your question.
If your partner could name only one person as his best friend who would that special person be? Now, you have until the buzzer sounds to think about it.
Time is up.
All right, Carlton, let's hear your answer.
Well, Bob, let's back it up for a moment and define this thing called friendship.
You see, the ancient Mayans Carlton, your time is up.
Okay, Tyriq, who is Jazz's best friend? I'm sorry, Bob, this is a bad time.
- Goodnight, Will.
- You're grounded.
All right, all right, all right.
Everybody out, come on.
Look, the next step is full-scale psychological warfare, right? You gotta act like you got this tic, right? Like the army did this experiment on you, right, that just went terribly wrong.
You're like, back up! Back up! Mind your business, that's all.
Mind your business.
Okay.
Back up! Back up! Mind your business, that's all, just mind your business.
I work all day trying to keep this house nice for you.
I cook and clean and work my fingers to the bone.
And this is the thanks I get? Well, I bust my hump at school all day and you just sit around here watching soap operas and eating bonbons.
Well, excuse me for having a little fun.
Maybe it's because you never take me out anymore.
Well, maybe I would if you fixed yourself up a little bit.
Wait a minute.
We sound like an old married couple.
So now I'm old.
And I gave you the best years of my life.
Look, I'm sorry.
I'm hungry.
Don't you have any more breath mints? No, you ate them all without offering me one.
- Can't have my toothpick, either.
- Did I ask you? Look, baby, why don't you just look in the freezer and see if there's something in there? - Would you look? - Why don't you look? I thought you liked doing things for me.
Yes, I did till you ate all my breath mints.
Forget it, I don't need you to do anything for me.
Could you open this? Thought you ain't need me to do nothing for you.
Just open it.
- What's the magic word? - Now.
Guess again.
Here, look, I can't open this thing.
I thought you're supposed to be the big man.
Look, you're the one who's hungry.
Use your fingernails.
Look.
Here.
Knock yourself out.
Any luck with the ring, Dad? No, but don't worry about it, I figured it out.
In the middle of the ceremony, I'll fake a heart attack.
Come on, Uncle Phil, it didn't work on your wedding night and it ain't going to work now.
Here comes Hilary.
Places.
She looks so beautiful.
Thank you.
Not you.
Mom.
Look, she fit into her wedding dress.
Everybody, duck.
I think she's about to blow.
Jazz! We're gathered here today to renew the vows of holy matrimony which is commended - I didn't know you were so sentimental.
- I'm not.
It's just, always a bridesmaid, never a bride.
Vivian Banks, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? With all my heart.
And do you, Philip Banks, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? - No, I don't.
- What? I take her for much more than that.
For my lover my life companion my very best friend.
Oh, Philip.
May I have the ring, please? - Here it is, Daddy.
- I got one for you right here, buddy.
Thanks, kids, but Look, Vivian, there's something I have to tell you.
I lost my wedding ring.
You mean this one? You found it! Yeah, I took it to have it inscribed.
See, look.
"To a hundred years more.
" Now you may kiss the bride.
Earthquake! is a dance, and apparently you know it.
- Exceptional buns, Geoffrey.
- Thank you, sir.
Yes, I think he's been doing the StairMaster.
Where's your mother? Her breakfast is getting cold.
She's not eating.
Not until she can fit into her old wedding gown.
That's ridiculous.
You wouldn't expect me to fit into a pair of pants I wore 25 years ago.
Or 25 days ago, for that matter.
You know, she has nothing to worry about.
She's as beautiful as the day I married her.
Which is why I'm going to renew our vows this Saturday.
That is so romantic.
I wish I could find a guy to lie to me like that.
Sir, about Saturday's menu shall I prepare the same meal you had at your wedding? G, how's he supposed to remember what he had for dinner 25 years ago? Well, we started out with some chicken pot pie and some delicious coleslaw.
And then there was some really, really great baked beans, with, what, molasses.
And for dessert, we had a big huge chunk of chocolate devil's food cake.
I'm guessing.
If only that power could be used for good.
Maybe I'll go upstairs to try to cheer up your mother.
I'm so fat! On second thought, I'll call her from the car.
Good, he's gone.
Great, now we can finish working on their anniversary surprise.
I hope they like this photo album.
What's not to like? We got some great family pictures.
Look, here's me at the beach.
And here's me in my carriage.
Look, and here's me at the park.
I knew we should have gotten them those Ginsu knives.
This stuff is so boring.
Carlton's right.
Nothing exciting ever happens to our family.
Well, that's right, y'all, and that's why I came out here 'cause you people really need help.
Carlton Banks is wearing an elegant, yet masculine cotton-silk combination designed by Will St.
LeCarlton.
Six, seven, eight and contract, hut.
Five and six and seven, eight.
Fingers open.
Spread 'em out and look.
Contract, release, hut and up and ten and pose, hut, repeat.
Five and six and seven, eight, hut.
Say is that Philip Banks or Blair Underwood? What do you think of this one, Dad? I look like Little Richard, attorney at law.
Dinner is served.
A-wop-bop-a-Ioo-bop, a-Iop-bam-boom.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the star of Heidi Comes To Har/em.
Mom, if you make me go to school like this I'm going to write a book when I grow up.
Welcome to the Briny Deep where none of our prices are ever too steep.
We've got fresh fish, you can look in our tank.
To get to the bathroom, make a left at the plank.
Follow me.
Look, I know everyone gets a little silly around mid-terms - but not at the dinner table.
- I'm sorry, Mom.
Will Smith is the scum of the earth.
Hilary! However, Will Smith is the pinnacle of manliness.
Hilary! What's with Hilary? Hilary! Hilary! Hilary! Stop it! Stop it! Your Montrose vase attracts dust like a magnet! G, listen.
Problem solved.
Okay, G, listen.
Philip, I have $1,000 with your name on it.
Do the family a favor, get Viv some cooking lessons.
You! And, Miss Ashley, how does a Mercedes sound? Vroom, vroom? Very clever.
I'll get you two.
Vroom, vroom, vroom.
Nice try.
In case you hadn't figured it out I quit! For a long time, it gave me nightmares.
Having to witness an injustice like that.
It was a constant reminder of how unfair this world can be.
I can still hear them taunting him.
"Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids.
" How come they just couldn't give him some cereal? Hi, /'m Phi/ip Banks, and /'m running for superior court judge.
What the hell is that? That was our New y ear's Eve party.
Uncle Phil, you know, I just put in a couple of home movies you know, to show your human side.
It gets better, check it out.
And if you put me on the Bench, /'// take a rea/ bite out of crime.
Bite.
Bite.
Bite.
Vote for Phi/ip Banks.
Phi/ip Banks.
Phi/ip Banks.
Phi/ip Banks.
Where's the family room? Man, I'm going to kill Carlton.
Kill him? I want to know the name of his decorator.
- No, I'm sorry.
- What do you two think you're doing? I was trying to get up to my room.
- Tom, what was you doing? - I was trying to be in the video.
Look, a Donna Karan suit, right in the middle of the kitchen floor.
What color? You gotta come out to see that.
Sorry, Will, it won't work.
Look, G, she won't listen to me, man.
I give up.
I think it's time you came out of the closet.
Let me.
Sonny what you do in the privacy of the bedroom is nobody's business but yours.
Just be true to yourself.
He'll come around.
Take it off! Put it on! Carlton Banks, you put your clothes on this minute.
Mommy! Wow! Will, check out the talent.
She's cool.
She's hot.
She's y our baby sister, man! Carlton's log.
Earth date 1992.
It's 6:00 a.
m.
Up with the dawn, the small band of brave souls prepare to pile into their Mercedes.
Destination: Adventure.
Hey, I didn't know Mom was a ventriloquist.
Look at that funny-Iooking little dummy on her knee.
Ashley, that's Carlton.
Uncle Phil, what's up? - Where is it? - Geoffrey took it, I swear! Oh, my God, your Aunt Vivian's going to kill me.
Uncle Phil, look, you're winning a lot of points with this second wedding thing.
I'm sure whatever it is, she can handle it.
I lost my wedding ring.
So, where shall we scatter the ashes? I cannot believe I wore that ring every day for 25 years and the day before my anniversary, I lose it.
Okay, now, just think.
Maybe it will help if you remember what you were doing when you lost it.
I was eating.
That narrows it down.
Hey, what up, J? Greetings, all.
I guess my invitation to the wedding rerun was misplaced.
But I thought I'd come by anyway.
I'm guessing the bride won't be wearing white.
Jazz, the ceremony isn't till tomorrow, man.
Then I'll be spending the night.
I hear the pool house has a delightful northern exposure.
Hilary, woman, draw me a bath.
I wouldn't draw you a cartoon.
- That's it.
That's it.
I'm out of here.
- Wait.
Jazz, come here, man.
Look, this is not the right time to mess with Uncle Phil.
He lost something really important.
Geoffrey took it.
I swear.
Look, kids, you look down here.
I'm going to look for the ring upstairs.
Give it up, big guy, we've already looked everywhere.
I'll give $100 to the first one who finds it.
Now you're talking.
My family.
Can't live with 'em, can't turn your back on 'em.
Ouch! Oh, my eye! Will, are you okay? Here's your question.
If your partner could name only one person as his best friend who would that special person be? Now, you have until the buzzer sounds to think about it.
Time is up.
All right, Carlton, let's hear your answer.
Well, Bob, let's back it up for a moment and define this thing called friendship.
You see, the ancient Mayans Carlton, your time is up.
Okay, Tyriq, who is Jazz's best friend? I'm sorry, Bob, this is a bad time.
- Goodnight, Will.
- You're grounded.
All right, all right, all right.
Everybody out, come on.
Look, the next step is full-scale psychological warfare, right? You gotta act like you got this tic, right? Like the army did this experiment on you, right, that just went terribly wrong.
You're like, back up! Back up! Mind your business, that's all.
Mind your business.
Okay.
Back up! Back up! Mind your business, that's all, just mind your business.
I work all day trying to keep this house nice for you.
I cook and clean and work my fingers to the bone.
And this is the thanks I get? Well, I bust my hump at school all day and you just sit around here watching soap operas and eating bonbons.
Well, excuse me for having a little fun.
Maybe it's because you never take me out anymore.
Well, maybe I would if you fixed yourself up a little bit.
Wait a minute.
We sound like an old married couple.
So now I'm old.
And I gave you the best years of my life.
Look, I'm sorry.
I'm hungry.
Don't you have any more breath mints? No, you ate them all without offering me one.
- Can't have my toothpick, either.
- Did I ask you? Look, baby, why don't you just look in the freezer and see if there's something in there? - Would you look? - Why don't you look? I thought you liked doing things for me.
Yes, I did till you ate all my breath mints.
Forget it, I don't need you to do anything for me.
Could you open this? Thought you ain't need me to do nothing for you.
Just open it.
- What's the magic word? - Now.
Guess again.
Here, look, I can't open this thing.
I thought you're supposed to be the big man.
Look, you're the one who's hungry.
Use your fingernails.
Look.
Here.
Knock yourself out.
Any luck with the ring, Dad? No, but don't worry about it, I figured it out.
In the middle of the ceremony, I'll fake a heart attack.
Come on, Uncle Phil, it didn't work on your wedding night and it ain't going to work now.
Here comes Hilary.
Places.
She looks so beautiful.
Thank you.
Not you.
Mom.
Look, she fit into her wedding dress.
Everybody, duck.
I think she's about to blow.
Jazz! We're gathered here today to renew the vows of holy matrimony which is commended - I didn't know you were so sentimental.
- I'm not.
It's just, always a bridesmaid, never a bride.
Vivian Banks, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? With all my heart.
And do you, Philip Banks, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? - No, I don't.
- What? I take her for much more than that.
For my lover my life companion my very best friend.
Oh, Philip.
May I have the ring, please? - Here it is, Daddy.
- I got one for you right here, buddy.
Thanks, kids, but Look, Vivian, there's something I have to tell you.
I lost my wedding ring.
You mean this one? You found it! Yeah, I took it to have it inscribed.
See, look.
"To a hundred years more.
" Now you may kiss the bride.