Ultimate Spider-Man (2011) s03e23 Episode Script
Contest of Champions (1)
I'm your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! On my way to meet Aunt May for lunch.
I know.
I'm late.
Hey, maybe I won't be late.
I'm making great time.
No traffic, no people, no No people? - That's weird.
- Peter! Over here! You're actually on time! I can't remember the last time that happened.
Aunt May? Aunt May! What is What is going on?! A city of eight million people.
And it's a ghost town! Everyone.
Even J.
Jonah Jameson.
Whatever it is that's happening, it's got Aunt May.
Now my S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
communicator isn't working.
This is bigger than just me.
I'm gonna need some help.
And if anyone can help, it's the Avengers.
Cap? Iron Man? Hawkeye, even? Oh, c'mon.
Please tell me you haven't been taken, too.
Whew.
You're still here.
If you were gone with everyone else, I was going to be in deep Trouble.
Abomination, Beetle, and Skurge? Why are you three What are you What did you do to the avengers? Avengers? We're not here for the avengers.
We're here for you.
Correction: Deep, deep trouble.
So many questions.
Let's start with why you guys are together.
How exactly did you three team up? Did you meet online or? We're not here to answer questions.
We're here to bring back one Spider-Man! I know you're not the chatty type, Beetle.
But maybe this once you wanna tell me what's going on? Where everybody is? Who sent you to get me? Whoa! Whatcha lookin' at? Maybe go for a closer look! Yah! Uh! C'mon, Beetle.
Tell me something.
At least give me a hint of what's going on.
The hunt is on! Yah! Unh! Here, let me drive! Later, dumb, dumber, and dumberest! Uh! Whoa! Huh.
That's new.
I think I just found what's been blocking my S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
communicator signal.
A force field! Big enough for the entire city! Like bugs in a jar.
Now let's see who's dumb! Actually, I called Beetle dumb.
Literally.
I called you dumber.
Okay, fine.
As far as I'm concerned, you're all dumb! Great.
Now what? I recognize that! Don't even think about beaming me into the Collector's ship.
Yeah, this is all very familiar.
In an "I never wanted to be here again" kind of way.
Collector! What do you want? Spider-Man, things are different this time.
I'm not the Everything here is not what it seems.
Who's ready to play? This is the Grandmaster.
My brother.
- Always the show off.
- Your brother? The Grandmaster and I are both elders of the universe.
What are you doing with Spider-Man? My collection orb got him first! Fine.
Take him.
He won't do any good against my team.
I'm not on anyone's team.
Why am I here? Why are you here? And what did you do with the people of New York? Why, we're here to play a game.
A game as old as time! Heroes versus villains.
A true contest of champions! Whoever wins between the Collector and myself, gets to take the other's players.
And if my villains win, they win dominion over the planet.
That's all I needed to hear.
As of this moment, your game is officially cancelled! What? He's mine! You'll damage him! That's simply part of the fun.
Don't provoke my brother.
Take my word for it.
He's powerful.
I noticed.
As I was saying, my team is the villains.
You, Spider-Man, are on my brother's team of heroes.
If you win the game, the people of New York will be released.
Aunt May! We didn't want the people of New York to get hurt.
We didn't want them in the way.
Besides, this way my little brother's champions are properly motivated.
We're both being forced to play.
True.
And if you don't play, brother, then I'll have to break your precious players until you submit! Now choose your team for the first battle.
I choose Spider-Man! The Hulk! And Iron Man! Do I have a say in this? How very predictable, brother.
I choose Kraven the Hunter! Molten Man! And the King of the Wendigos! King of the what, now? Game on! Hulk, Iron Man.
Okay, let me try to explain what's going on.
It's big, and it's gonna take a sec.
No time for explaining! Only time for smash! I knew you were going to say that.
That's always your answer for everything.
Smashety, smash, smash.
Uh, Hulk? Too much smash! - Okay, let me explain what's - We know.
The Collector and the Grandmaster are making us fight.
So, let's not keep them waiting.
Okay, I know these guys.
This is Molten Man.
He likes to melt things.
Kraven the Hunter.
He likes to grow mustaches.
And the white furry thing? I don't know what it is, but it smells worse than Wolverine.
That's a wendigo! A kind of demon snow man.
Whatever you do, don't let him bite ya! Bad wendigo! You don't knock down trees unless you're a lumberjack! And unless you're wearing flannel You're not an official lumberjack! Ungh! Uh! C'mon, Iron Man! I just want to give you a hot high five.
Too slow! Get over here, Kraven! This is the Hulk? Magnificent.
You talk the same as you fight.
Like a savage beast! Conflict! Power! Destruction! This game has everything! You don't care about the game.
You only want to break my toys! Toys are meant to be played with.
And if a few of them lose their heads, so what? The game is what matters.
If we lose, the bad guys get the world as their personal playground.
- Then we shouldn't lose.
- We shouldn't play.
Find the Collector and the Grandmaster.
Take it to 'em.
I wish we could.
But they've got our family and friends.
Until we can figure out some way to stop the game, we're stuck.
Spidey's right.
We're gonna have to play the game.
For now.
Hyuh! A net? Really? This won't hold me long.
It don't need to! Booby traps? That's so Kraven.
that's another one I owe you Spidey sense! And another one! This is no challenge whatsoever.
You think jungle tricks are going to stop me? Man! You really hate trees, don't you? Whoa! Puny blades.
Tickles.
Ooh.
Another "jungle trick".
The pollen of the Rotuuba flower.
Powerful enough to knock out a rampaging Rhino or a Hulk.
The Hulk has been removed from the game! Oh no.
They took out Hulk? First score to me! Not a great start, brother, and you've already lost your strongest piece.
Attention players! The game continues.
We draw first.
Quickly! While they're disorganized.
Press the advantage! Hulk got knocked out, then yanked off the game board.
So we're a man down.
Any chance you have a plan? At this point I'm open to suggestions.
Molten Man and wendigo seem to be taking orders from Kraven.
Go for the head of the snake, right? Now where are you, Kraven? There he is.
I'll take him.
Wait! Don't let Kraven play you! It could be a trap! Wendigo's still out I found him.
Aw, nuts.
Really? I don't have time for you, you walking hair piece! Running away, Kraven? I thought you were supposed to be a hunter.
Hunting is not the same as fighting.
Aah! - Hot.
- I am not a fighter.
I am a hunter.
And you, Iron Man, are prey.
Iron Man! Yah! Everything's fused! I can't move! Tony, no! Iron Man has been removed from the game.
My Iron Man! You ruined him! Oh, why are you complaining? You should be thanking me.
Now he's battle damaged.
You're welcome! No Hulk.
No Iron Man.
It's just me.
Without a hope.
Without a chance.
So, which one of you guys is the strongest? - I am! - I am.
No way Molten Man's stronger than you, right, Wendigo? Trying to play us against each other.
Clever.
But it won't work.
We'll figure it out after we take care of oh! That's right, big guy.
Everything's going according to Whoa! Tree.
My self esteem hurts.
Along with everything else.
Ow.
Huh? Sorry, Molty.
I don't know where those hands have been! Once again, the Grandmaster on the verge of victory! You must get tired of losing to me all the time.
Your entire existence must be difficult when I'm so obviously superior in all things! Yes.
A superior troll.
Ya know, I'd like to say something like this doesn't happen every time I go through central park, but They're not going away, so I'm gonna need some way to lose 'em.
Wendigo! Think fast! That felt so good! ok, Spidey, take a breath.
Just gotta figure out my next move.
And I got nothing.
Man, I could really use a team.
I can't do this all by myself.
No, but I have to try.
I can't wait for someone else.
There is no one else.
It's up to me.
Aunt May's favorite skate trail? Weird seeing it empty.
Won't be empty for long.
I'm gonna fight, and I'm gonna get Aunt May back.
And now I know how.
His tracks end here.
The spider is close.
Stop me if you've heard this one before.
A hunter, a monster, and a space heater go to the park.
Anyone? Anyone? He's given away his location.
Follow his voicequietly.
I knew you'd find me first, Wendy.
You're consistent.
And by consistent, I mean predictable.
Say good night, "Wendi gone!" Wendigo has been removed from the game! Gloat while you can, brother! I still have two more players! Know what I like about you guys? You're really bad at the whole try to hit Spider-Man thing.
I mean really bad.
Hey Kraven, the so called hunter! You couldn't track down a hamburger in a hamburger shop! Pace yourself, Molty.
You don't want to get overheated! Yah! Kraven! I really thought you were going to get me that time! Nah, no I didn't.
Yoo hoo! Melty man! Huh? Yah! Catch me if you can! All that fire sucking up your oxygen, big guy? Ah ah! No peeking! You should look where you're stepping! If that were somehow possible with all the webbing I'm putting in your eyes.
You little pest.
You think your silly spray can stop me? Oh no! You're going to burn right through! Burn through what? The dock.
Enjoy your steam bath.
Molten Man has been removed from the game! Kraven! I know you're out there! Don't suppose I could talk you into surrendering, can I? With Grandmaster promising us power? Power enough for Kraven? Don't be a fool.
Ee yah! Not my favorite lamp post! It's over, Spider-Man.
This world belongs to the strong.
Not to the prey, but to the hunters! To me! The world doesn't belong to you! It belongs to the people! Kraven has been removed from the game! Spider-Man wins! Yay, me.
No! This isn't You must've Agghh! Good beats evil! Now let everyone go.
You can keep the villains.
Wait, no you can't.
You gotta let them go, too.
Eventually.
But let's get everyone else freed right now! You fought valiantly, Spider-Man.
But this is only round one of a much greater tournament.
I don't think so.
Your weird, twisted game is done! Perhaps you've forgotten the stakes of the game? I can remind you, if you'd like.
I could simply drop a few of them out an airlock into space.
If it will renew your enthusiasm for the game.
Okay, Grandmaster.
I'll play.
I'm gonna play.
I'm gonna win.
Then I'm going to end your little game for good.
I know.
I'm late.
Hey, maybe I won't be late.
I'm making great time.
No traffic, no people, no No people? - That's weird.
- Peter! Over here! You're actually on time! I can't remember the last time that happened.
Aunt May? Aunt May! What is What is going on?! A city of eight million people.
And it's a ghost town! Everyone.
Even J.
Jonah Jameson.
Whatever it is that's happening, it's got Aunt May.
Now my S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
communicator isn't working.
This is bigger than just me.
I'm gonna need some help.
And if anyone can help, it's the Avengers.
Cap? Iron Man? Hawkeye, even? Oh, c'mon.
Please tell me you haven't been taken, too.
Whew.
You're still here.
If you were gone with everyone else, I was going to be in deep Trouble.
Abomination, Beetle, and Skurge? Why are you three What are you What did you do to the avengers? Avengers? We're not here for the avengers.
We're here for you.
Correction: Deep, deep trouble.
So many questions.
Let's start with why you guys are together.
How exactly did you three team up? Did you meet online or? We're not here to answer questions.
We're here to bring back one Spider-Man! I know you're not the chatty type, Beetle.
But maybe this once you wanna tell me what's going on? Where everybody is? Who sent you to get me? Whoa! Whatcha lookin' at? Maybe go for a closer look! Yah! Uh! C'mon, Beetle.
Tell me something.
At least give me a hint of what's going on.
The hunt is on! Yah! Unh! Here, let me drive! Later, dumb, dumber, and dumberest! Uh! Whoa! Huh.
That's new.
I think I just found what's been blocking my S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
communicator signal.
A force field! Big enough for the entire city! Like bugs in a jar.
Now let's see who's dumb! Actually, I called Beetle dumb.
Literally.
I called you dumber.
Okay, fine.
As far as I'm concerned, you're all dumb! Great.
Now what? I recognize that! Don't even think about beaming me into the Collector's ship.
Yeah, this is all very familiar.
In an "I never wanted to be here again" kind of way.
Collector! What do you want? Spider-Man, things are different this time.
I'm not the Everything here is not what it seems.
Who's ready to play? This is the Grandmaster.
My brother.
- Always the show off.
- Your brother? The Grandmaster and I are both elders of the universe.
What are you doing with Spider-Man? My collection orb got him first! Fine.
Take him.
He won't do any good against my team.
I'm not on anyone's team.
Why am I here? Why are you here? And what did you do with the people of New York? Why, we're here to play a game.
A game as old as time! Heroes versus villains.
A true contest of champions! Whoever wins between the Collector and myself, gets to take the other's players.
And if my villains win, they win dominion over the planet.
That's all I needed to hear.
As of this moment, your game is officially cancelled! What? He's mine! You'll damage him! That's simply part of the fun.
Don't provoke my brother.
Take my word for it.
He's powerful.
I noticed.
As I was saying, my team is the villains.
You, Spider-Man, are on my brother's team of heroes.
If you win the game, the people of New York will be released.
Aunt May! We didn't want the people of New York to get hurt.
We didn't want them in the way.
Besides, this way my little brother's champions are properly motivated.
We're both being forced to play.
True.
And if you don't play, brother, then I'll have to break your precious players until you submit! Now choose your team for the first battle.
I choose Spider-Man! The Hulk! And Iron Man! Do I have a say in this? How very predictable, brother.
I choose Kraven the Hunter! Molten Man! And the King of the Wendigos! King of the what, now? Game on! Hulk, Iron Man.
Okay, let me try to explain what's going on.
It's big, and it's gonna take a sec.
No time for explaining! Only time for smash! I knew you were going to say that.
That's always your answer for everything.
Smashety, smash, smash.
Uh, Hulk? Too much smash! - Okay, let me explain what's - We know.
The Collector and the Grandmaster are making us fight.
So, let's not keep them waiting.
Okay, I know these guys.
This is Molten Man.
He likes to melt things.
Kraven the Hunter.
He likes to grow mustaches.
And the white furry thing? I don't know what it is, but it smells worse than Wolverine.
That's a wendigo! A kind of demon snow man.
Whatever you do, don't let him bite ya! Bad wendigo! You don't knock down trees unless you're a lumberjack! And unless you're wearing flannel You're not an official lumberjack! Ungh! Uh! C'mon, Iron Man! I just want to give you a hot high five.
Too slow! Get over here, Kraven! This is the Hulk? Magnificent.
You talk the same as you fight.
Like a savage beast! Conflict! Power! Destruction! This game has everything! You don't care about the game.
You only want to break my toys! Toys are meant to be played with.
And if a few of them lose their heads, so what? The game is what matters.
If we lose, the bad guys get the world as their personal playground.
- Then we shouldn't lose.
- We shouldn't play.
Find the Collector and the Grandmaster.
Take it to 'em.
I wish we could.
But they've got our family and friends.
Until we can figure out some way to stop the game, we're stuck.
Spidey's right.
We're gonna have to play the game.
For now.
Hyuh! A net? Really? This won't hold me long.
It don't need to! Booby traps? That's so Kraven.
that's another one I owe you Spidey sense! And another one! This is no challenge whatsoever.
You think jungle tricks are going to stop me? Man! You really hate trees, don't you? Whoa! Puny blades.
Tickles.
Ooh.
Another "jungle trick".
The pollen of the Rotuuba flower.
Powerful enough to knock out a rampaging Rhino or a Hulk.
The Hulk has been removed from the game! Oh no.
They took out Hulk? First score to me! Not a great start, brother, and you've already lost your strongest piece.
Attention players! The game continues.
We draw first.
Quickly! While they're disorganized.
Press the advantage! Hulk got knocked out, then yanked off the game board.
So we're a man down.
Any chance you have a plan? At this point I'm open to suggestions.
Molten Man and wendigo seem to be taking orders from Kraven.
Go for the head of the snake, right? Now where are you, Kraven? There he is.
I'll take him.
Wait! Don't let Kraven play you! It could be a trap! Wendigo's still out I found him.
Aw, nuts.
Really? I don't have time for you, you walking hair piece! Running away, Kraven? I thought you were supposed to be a hunter.
Hunting is not the same as fighting.
Aah! - Hot.
- I am not a fighter.
I am a hunter.
And you, Iron Man, are prey.
Iron Man! Yah! Everything's fused! I can't move! Tony, no! Iron Man has been removed from the game.
My Iron Man! You ruined him! Oh, why are you complaining? You should be thanking me.
Now he's battle damaged.
You're welcome! No Hulk.
No Iron Man.
It's just me.
Without a hope.
Without a chance.
So, which one of you guys is the strongest? - I am! - I am.
No way Molten Man's stronger than you, right, Wendigo? Trying to play us against each other.
Clever.
But it won't work.
We'll figure it out after we take care of oh! That's right, big guy.
Everything's going according to Whoa! Tree.
My self esteem hurts.
Along with everything else.
Ow.
Huh? Sorry, Molty.
I don't know where those hands have been! Once again, the Grandmaster on the verge of victory! You must get tired of losing to me all the time.
Your entire existence must be difficult when I'm so obviously superior in all things! Yes.
A superior troll.
Ya know, I'd like to say something like this doesn't happen every time I go through central park, but They're not going away, so I'm gonna need some way to lose 'em.
Wendigo! Think fast! That felt so good! ok, Spidey, take a breath.
Just gotta figure out my next move.
And I got nothing.
Man, I could really use a team.
I can't do this all by myself.
No, but I have to try.
I can't wait for someone else.
There is no one else.
It's up to me.
Aunt May's favorite skate trail? Weird seeing it empty.
Won't be empty for long.
I'm gonna fight, and I'm gonna get Aunt May back.
And now I know how.
His tracks end here.
The spider is close.
Stop me if you've heard this one before.
A hunter, a monster, and a space heater go to the park.
Anyone? Anyone? He's given away his location.
Follow his voicequietly.
I knew you'd find me first, Wendy.
You're consistent.
And by consistent, I mean predictable.
Say good night, "Wendi gone!" Wendigo has been removed from the game! Gloat while you can, brother! I still have two more players! Know what I like about you guys? You're really bad at the whole try to hit Spider-Man thing.
I mean really bad.
Hey Kraven, the so called hunter! You couldn't track down a hamburger in a hamburger shop! Pace yourself, Molty.
You don't want to get overheated! Yah! Kraven! I really thought you were going to get me that time! Nah, no I didn't.
Yoo hoo! Melty man! Huh? Yah! Catch me if you can! All that fire sucking up your oxygen, big guy? Ah ah! No peeking! You should look where you're stepping! If that were somehow possible with all the webbing I'm putting in your eyes.
You little pest.
You think your silly spray can stop me? Oh no! You're going to burn right through! Burn through what? The dock.
Enjoy your steam bath.
Molten Man has been removed from the game! Kraven! I know you're out there! Don't suppose I could talk you into surrendering, can I? With Grandmaster promising us power? Power enough for Kraven? Don't be a fool.
Ee yah! Not my favorite lamp post! It's over, Spider-Man.
This world belongs to the strong.
Not to the prey, but to the hunters! To me! The world doesn't belong to you! It belongs to the people! Kraven has been removed from the game! Spider-Man wins! Yay, me.
No! This isn't You must've Agghh! Good beats evil! Now let everyone go.
You can keep the villains.
Wait, no you can't.
You gotta let them go, too.
Eventually.
But let's get everyone else freed right now! You fought valiantly, Spider-Man.
But this is only round one of a much greater tournament.
I don't think so.
Your weird, twisted game is done! Perhaps you've forgotten the stakes of the game? I can remind you, if you'd like.
I could simply drop a few of them out an airlock into space.
If it will renew your enthusiasm for the game.
Okay, Grandmaster.
I'll play.
I'm gonna play.
I'm gonna win.
Then I'm going to end your little game for good.