Bewitched (1964) s03e24 Episode Script

Samantha? Oh, that's my own little witch.
Well done.
Darrin, you better hurry up.
Breakfast is almost ready.
I know.
I just saw it in action.
That's very clever, the way the pancakes flip-flop, flip-flop.
No hands.
Welcome back to the fold, darling.
I sort of broke training.
I noticed.
What about Dumbo? Doesn't he object to your using? Yes, Darrin objects.
It's a special occasion because of the morning light.
I have to catch the morning light so I can work on my painting.
Really? Your painting? See? I've almost finished the sketch.
I'm gonna enter it in the exhibit next week.
Paint the way you flipped pancakes, you'll have a masterpiece.
Mother, I am not going to use witchcraft.
Well, remember, anything less than a masterpiece will be a disgrace to the family name.
And I'll be watching.
Mother.
Okay, push.
That's a good girl.
Wait a minute.
Just wait a minute.
Come on No.
Now, come on.
No.
As soon as I call your daddy, I'll fix you something to eat.
Well, there you are.
I've been waiting for hours.
Well, I'm sorry, Mother, but I've been very busy delivering my painting.
Your painting? Yes.
My painting.
For your information my painting is gonna be hung at the charity exhibit.
- It might even win a prize.
- Well, that wouldn't surprise me.
- It wouldn't? - No, of course not.
Talent runs in our family.
Your great-great-uncle Lorenzo was hung in the Louvre.
Mother, really, not in front of Tabatha.
Not him, silly child.
His self-portrait.
And your second cousin Lucretia has worked in stone for centuries.
I've often felt that Durwood should lend her his head.
I have often felt that we can do without the jokes about Darrin.
D-A-R-R-l-N.
He, incidentally, thinks my painting's great.
That is incidental.
What would Whatchamacallit know about art? If you want an opinion of value you should go to someone who's aesthetically equipped to give you a critique of your work.
Whom did you have in mind? As if I didn't know.
Oh, don't be flippant, my dear daughter.
You know I frequently haunt the avant-garde galleries.
As a matter of fact, I dropped in at Jacques' Gallery in New York to see the work of Henri Monchet.
- Who is Henri Monchet? - Henri Monchet? Henri Monchet happens to be the latest rage in Paris.
And mark you, soon he'll be the rage in New York.
Well, I'm very impressed.
Good.
Now let's see if I am.
- What? - Let me see your painting.
No, it's too late.
It's hanging in the gallery at the university.
I told you I'd dropped it off.
It's going to appear in public before your own mother sees it? You bet.
We artists live dangerously.
Life with that mortal has made you completely thoughtless.
How's that? I got news.
I think you hung it upside down.
So what? Eggs is better over easy anyhow.
Eggs make me hungry.
Let's eat.
It's too early for lunch.
Not when you been hanging eggs all morning.
Come on, let's eat.
Okay.
Better lock the door.
All right.
- What you got, salami? - Liverwurst.
Always liverwurst on Thursday.
Hey.
How did she get in? Sorry, lady.
But the show don't start till tonight.
So if you don't mind, will you please blow? Of course.
Lady, watch out.
Did you see what I saw? - No.
- Good.
Neither did I.
My stars and satellites! It looks like she's painted it with a broom.
A whisk broom.
Well, we can do better than that.
Oh, wizards and warlocks Of arts of the ages Oh, palettes of paint And classical sages This dreadful still life, Just tak e it away And bring me a landscape By Henri Monchet Well, that's more like it.
Oh, fiddley-faddley, I almost forgot.
There.
Now.
Well, now that's what I call an excellent job.
Where did that lady go? - What lady? - That's the one.
Darrin, it's almost 5:00.
How's that perfume layout coming along? Here, have a sniff.
Well, these look fine, Darrin.
A few changes to make before Cunningham sees it.
Take your time.
He can see it tomorrow.
You can tell him about it tonight.
What do you mean, I can tell him about it tonight? He arrived in town early.
- You're taking him to dinner.
- Not tonight, I'm not.
I have very special plans.
I'm taking my wife to dinner.
By all means bring Sam along.
She's always a plus in client relationships.
Larry, you're not paying attention.
Sam has a painting in the art exhibit at the university.
- We have to go there.
- But that's great! Cunningham considers himself a connoisseur of the arts.
- He'd jump at the chance to go.
- An amateur art exhibit? This is the first thing Sam's ever painted.
- Have I ever steered you wrong? - You wanna stand on your record? - No.
- Why don't you take him to dinner? We have other plans, and because the Cunningham perfume account can be the most lucrative we've ever had, and taking him to the exhibit can be the one sure-fire way of getting it.
So call Sam, give her the good word.
- Okay.
First I have to think of one.
- What? - A good word.
- Why don't you tell her it's a favour for the president of the company? That's a good word.
Good evening, madam.
Your chief babysitter, reporting for duty.
Not a minute too soon.
If I don't leave right away, I'll be late.
There's something else I had to do.
What was it? Yes.
Mr.
Cunningham's perfume.
He sent some to Louise and me.
Fifty dollars an ounce.
Mother, look at me.
I'm so nervous, it's like stage fright.
Don't worry, darling.
I'll be with you in spirit.
- Wish me luck.
- It's been wished.
- What does that mean? - Oh, really, Samantha.
It's getting so you question everything I say.
Sorry.
Bye-bye.
Fifty dollars an ounce? On the local side of the news, art critic Arthur Bryan has completed his judging in the charity art show on view at the university tonight.
The winner of the first prize is Samantha Stephens.
- Larry! - In making the decision Mr.
Bryan said Mrs.
Stephens showed an amazing colour sense and style Larry! Samantha won first prize! Can't hear you, dear.
Well, hurry up.
We must go to that exhibit.
Now for a rundown in the world of sports.
- What is it? - She won.
Samantha won.
- Stunned a capacity crowd, setting a new world's record for the high jump.
Yeah? How high did she jump? And so you say, "What is art?" Some say look in the dictionary, but I say what does a man who writes a dictionary know about art? If he knew about art, would he be writing a dictionary in the first place? No, I say.
I say, go to a man who has created something himself.
Even if that man is only a man like I.
A man who has created a perfume, go to him, I say.
That man knows art as I know art.
And what does it take to know art, you ask? - No, I didn't.
- She didn't say anything.
That is not an easy question to answer.
Thought you hit me with a toughie didn't you? For the ordinary man, that is a difficult question.
But, and I use the word "but" advisedly, but for a man like I who has a sense of recognition a man who can sniff a fragrance or walk up to a painting and say, "I know you" there is the essence of knowing art.
- Fascinating.
- Yes, isn't it? I'm afraid that our exhibit is considerably below your speed, Mr.
Cunningham.
I mean, it's for kitchen creators, patio painters, like I.
I mean, we wouldn't be on exhibit at all if it weren't for charity.
- All the more reason.
- All the more reason, what? To know what you want and go after it.
Once I say, "I know you," the next step is, "I must have you.
" I have never, never in my entire life said: "I know you" to a painting or a fragrance I didn't buy.
I will say that for me.
I always get what I want.
Always.
- Wow.
- That is why my art collection is second only to about three or 400 others in the United States.
Don't you think it's getting a wee bit late? Yes.
Waiter? They're putting the prize-winning paintings up for sale.
- You might see something you like.
- At an amateur exhibit, I doubt it.
But who knows? I'm always on the lookout for new discoveries.
Well, I'm afraid mine won't be one.
I don't know.
Samantha.
Samantha, how wonderful.
I'm so thrilled for you.
Good to see you again.
I wouldn't have missed this for the world.
Darrin, you must be very proud of her.
When Louise heard the news, we cancelled and came right over.
- What news? - Yeah, what news? You mean you don't know? Samantha won first prize.
They're unveiling her painting any moment.
Well, now, this is interesting.
Oh, Louise, are you sure? Well, I can't believe it.
You're positive? I'm numb.
Well, who wouldn't be? I'm dying to see your masterpiece.
They've been waiting for you.
We saved some seats.
Come on over.
Here.
Mrs.
Stephens, as chairman of the art committee, I just want to say how proud we are to have you here.
Thank you.
Hang on, I may go right through the floor.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, as we promised you the first painting to be auctioned for charity is the painting that won first prize.
We'll invite our guests to examine the painting before the auction begins.
- Sam, that isn't yours.
- I know.
- Mr.
Chairman - Honey, honey.
The signature.
Look at the signature.
Mrs.
Stephens, I'm not used to paintings at amateur exhibits saying "I know you" but that one definitely is speaking up.
I wish it would say where it came from.
All right.
Your attention, please.
The bidding is about to commence.
- Now, do I hear an offer? - I have an awful feeling - Twenty-five dollars.
- That he's going to bid for it.
- He just did.
- Thirty.
Thirty-five.
That may be my signature, but it's Mother's handwriting.
You bid against him.
I'll see if I can figure this out.
Thirty-five once thirty-five twice Thirty-six! Ah, now I have a bid for $36.
You people in the back there, I haven't heard from you.
- Mr.
Higgins, do you bid? - Mother? Oh, I get the hint, Stephens.
I forgot it was for charity.
Don't worry, Stephens.
I'll go along.
- Two hundred dollars.
- Now I have a bid for $200.
Do I hear more? Two hundred once two hundred twice Three hundred dollars.
Three hundred dollars.
- Do I hear four? - Four hundred dollars.
Stephens, I want that painting.
Yes, Darrin.
What is this? He wants that painting.
- I'm sentimental.
- You weren't sentimental a while ago when you could have had it for $25.
I'm a man of many moods.
Four hundred once four hundred twice - Four hundred and ten? - I have 410.
Do I hear 500? Five hundred.
I know you can hear me.
How could you do such a thing? Will you please answer me? It's urgent.
Oh, Mother, you are such a stubborn witch.
I have $800.
- Do I hear 850? - I don't think so.
Eight-fifty.
Darrin, be sentimental over her next painting.
Please keep out of this.
I thought you people wanted my account.
Nine hundred dollars.
We do.
But that's business.
This is art.
This is nonsense, Darrin.
You can have all the paintings Sam can paint.
- Why do you have to have this one? - You'd never understand.
Nine hundred and twenty-five dollars.
I could leave town tonight.
Me without the painting, and you without my account.
Nine hundred and fifty dollars.
Nine hundred and fifty dollars.
Do I hear a thousand? Where are you gonna get a thousand dollars without a job? One thousand dollars.
One thousand and five dollars.
One thousand and five dollars.
Going once going twice sold, for $1005.
To the art lover in the grey suit.
I told you I get what I want, if I have to say so myself.
- Mr.
Cunningham.
- I call this good sportsmanship Darrin inviting us all over for coffee.
Yes, he's a gracious loser, and I'm a gracious winner for $1005.
One thousand and five dollars? I suppose I can't really blame you for wanting your wife's painting so badly.
I suppose.
Samantha and I'll get things started in the kitchen.
- Let me.
- No, Louise.
You and Larry entertain Mr.
Cunningham.
Mother.
Dear.
I'm desperate.
Mother, I have to talk to you.
Now, for the last time, you materialize, or else.
Well, why didn't you answer me before? You knew I was here babysitting.
I also know you could've gotten Aunt Hagatha as a substitute.
I knew you'd make a great to-do over nothing and you are, aren't you? Where'd you get that painting? Oh, that? That's Henri Monchet's.
Henri Monchet? You stole it.
Samantha, that's a tawdry accusation.
Of course I haven't.
I just borrowed it.
It'll pop back to Jacques' at midnight.
Midnight? But it's close to that now.
Oh, really? Oh, I am late.
Mother, you are going to sit right there on that table until this mess is cleared up.
Mr.
Cunningham is in there, and he bought that painting! Don't tell me that scent-maker is here! I tried some of his perfume.
It burned a hole right through my robe.
You should try some of my perfume, Samantha.
It's irresistible.
It was made especially for me by a warlock in Tibet.
- Irresistible? - Completely.
But I'll need it for tonight.
No, Mother, I'll need it for tonight.
Oh, please? Please let me borrow it.
Please? Oh, fiddle-faddle.
Why don't you leave the painting here? We'll have it reframed, show it off better.
- You don't want to part with it, do you? - Louise.
- Larry.
- No, thanks.
Mrs.
Stephens.
I'm terribly sorry, Mr.
Cunningham.
Cream and sugar? That perfume you're wearing.
What is it? Oh, that.
My mother makes it.
Homemade perfume? Well, it's an old formula.
Been in the family for years.
What a unique fragrance.
That scent.
Remarkable, fabulous aroma.
It's speaking to me.
I'm glad you like it.
- Like it? I must market it.
- Great.
- What are the ingredients? - Mother would never tell anyone.
I'm prepared to make a very generous offer to her if she'll sell it to me.
- She'd never sell it for money.
- What else is there? I happen to know that Mother would love Darrin to have that painting.
Perhaps we could work out a trade.
No, no.
I don't think so.
Cookie? That scent is irresistible.
Are you sure your mother won't accept a large payment? Absolutely not.
You have a very unusual mother-in-law, my boy.
Indescribable.
- Louise.
- And so is that perfume.
It's a deal.
The painting for the formula.
Darrin, won't you take the painting in the den? - Now? - Right now.
Before Mr.
Cunningham changes his mind.
Why, with this new fragrance, I may start a whole new line.
Naturally, Mr.
Cunningham, I'll have Stephens get started on a new layout.
- That sounds like fun.
- I'll want excitement.
Something to make it impossible for a woman not to buy it when she sees it.
We'll need a name that will make it as irresistible as it is.
I have an idea.
How about, "I Know You.
" Brilliant.
Stephens, what did you ever do to deserve a woman like this? Mr.
Cunningham, I'll never know.
- Well, good night.
- Darrin, see you bright and early.
- Right, Larry.
- Mr.
Cunningham.
- Better get on the ball.
- Believe me, I've got ideas.
It's just wonderful the way everything worked out.
You didn't get the painting, but you got the perfume.
McMann and Tate got the account which is all Larry was worried about, right? Just a minute.
Just a gosh-darn minute.
Louise, will you ever learn to keep your big, fat? And were you going to keep this a secret from me? Keep what a secret from you, Mr.
Cunningham? "Samantha Stephens.
" So that wasn't your only painting.
Or your only style.
This one I've got to have, because this one is talking up a storm.
It's shouting at me.
This one I know.
Mr.
Cunningham, that one you may have.
You mean it? Quick, say good night before she changes her mind.
- Good night.
Call you tomorrow! - Good night, good night.
Sam, that painting.
Is it gonna disappear? - Is it real? Or was that witchcraft too? - I told you this morning it was real.
It's getting harder and harder to tell what's real and what isn't around here.
Come here.
This is real.