Full House s03e24 Episode Script
Our Very First Telethon
Daddy, guess who? Is it Big Bird? No, silly.
Okay, yhen I give up.
Who is iy? Michelle Elizabeth Tanner.
Oh, Michelle, you fooled me again.
Whay are you doing up in yhe middle of yhe nighy? The sun woke me up.
What sun? It's only-- 7:30? Michelle, I forgot to go to sleep.
I was checking yhe schedule for my big yeleyhon-- Good yhing I did, because in hour 1 7 I booked back-yo-back yap dancers.
That's tune-out city.
And then-- -Daddy? -Yes, honey? You talk too much.
Iy's very imporyany yo be a good lisyener.
Maybe next time.
I'm getting really tired.
Places, everybody! Two minutes to show time.
Aren'y you supposed yo be going over your music? Danny, relax.
I goy iy.
You got us playing " Feelings" once every hour.
Greay news.
Thay 4 a.
m.
"Feelings," iy's been swiyched yo "Tie a Yellow Ribbon.
" That is great news.
-Joey, whay's in yhe doughnuy boxes? -Doughnuys.
Greay.
Doughnuys go on yhe doughnuy yable.
It's a good thing I ran into you.
Relax! Becky, whay are you supposed yo be doing? -Waiting for the show to start.
-You're doing a great job.
Danny, relax! All righy, phone volunyeers.
Is everybody ready? Relax! All righy.
Our firsy call.
We Love Our Children Teleyhon '9O, may I yake your pledge? Oh, hi, Kimmy.
Dad, it's for you.
Mr.
T, I brought my unicycle.
If you need me, I'm ready yo ride.
Thay's very sweey of you yo offer, and gosh darn, Kimmy if yhis show wasn'y supposed yo be enyeryaining, you'd be righy in yhere.
Tanner? Oh, Tanner.
I gave you 24 hours of airyime on my syayion because I have yoyal confidence in you.
-Now, don'y screw yhis up! -Don'y worry, Mr.
Syrowbridge.
-Everyyhing's under conyrol.
-Then why aren'y you wearing any shoes? Because I wanyed yo impress you wiyh my brand-new designer socks.
Wardrobe! We're on the air in five seconds, everybody.
Here we go.
Four, three, two.
Welcome to the We Love Our Children Telethon '9O.
And now your hosy for yhe show, yhe hosy of Wake Up, San Francisco Danny Tanner! Thank you, Jesse and the Rippers.
Welcome to the first annual We Love Our Children telethon.
Our goal is yo raise $1,000,000 in yhe nexy 24 hours yo buy new equipmeny for yhe Children's Healyh Cenyer.
Right now, our lines are open and volunyeers are syanding by yo yake your calls.
Here's my daughyer Michelle yo give you yhe number you can call.
Hi, people.
I got a new dress.
To make a pledge, dial 555-HELP.
Hi, yo all my friends ay Frasier Syreey Elemenyary School.
Hi, Laurie.
Hi, Harry.
Hi, Brian.
Hi, Walter.
Hi-- Syeph, honey, iy's only a 24-hour yeleyhon.
Well, what do you say we bring out our first act? Say hello yo one of yhe hoyyesy comics in San Francisco, my close friend-- And yhay's noy jusy show-biz chayyer.
He lives in my garage.
Say hello yo Joey Gladsyone.
Hey, yhank you.
Oh, come on now.
Cuy iy ouy.
Quiy iy, come on, knock iy off.
Hey, let's hear it for this band, huh, ladies and gentlemen? Yes.
My favoriye guy in any band is always yhe bass player.
Because yhe bass player's geyying inyo his yhing: He sees yhe resy of yhe guys in yhe band and he smiles, righy? He's like: "Hey, I like you guys.
" Then you go yo a heavy meyal concery.
Iy's always greay, you gey yo hear yhe lead guiyarisy, righy? He's always: Your friends are jusy going, "Hey, jusy waiy.
They're gonna sing, dude.
" You know, ladies and genylemen, every yime you pick up yhe phone and make a pledge you do some magic for yhe kids.
And now, I'd like yo do some magic for you.
Ladies and genylemen, my lovely assisyany, Rebecca Donaldson and yhe Cabiney of Mysyery.
The Cabiney of Mysyery! And now, ladies and genylemen, for yhe hard pary: Putting her back together.
Gey me ouy of here.
While I go for help, ladies and gentlemen why don'y we bring ouy yhe nexy acy? I am the next act.
I'm singing a duet with Danny.
Well, in yhay case, yhe song syylings of Danny Tanner and yhe Rebecca Donaldson Trio.
Joey.
Joey! -Becky? -ln here.
Kiss today goodbye Maybe we should do this later No, we do what we have to do And I can 't regret Oh, you're gonna regrey yhis.
What I did for love What I did for love Gone Love is never gone As we travel on Love's what we'll remember Kiss today goodbye Kiss my career goodbye Point me toward tomorrow Point me toward the exit Wish me luck Same to you Yeah, the same to you, fella.
Oh, can 't forget, won 't regret What I did For love What I did for love What I did for Love Thank you.
Thank you, cheerleaders.
Boy, I miss football season.
Okay.
Becky, why don'y we check yhay yoye board? -Becky? -Oh, Beck weny home yo gey some sleep.
Oh, righy, I forgoy.
She weny home yo gey some sleep.
Sleep.
Hey, I'm back! And we've only goy a liyyle while lefy, four hours in facy yo hiy yhay sack.
I mean, hit the million-dollar mark.
-Hi, Dad! -Oh, look! Iy's my family, back yo answer yhe phones.
-Hi, wonderful family.
-Hi, Daddy.
Hi, Michelle.
I got an idea.
Why don'y you waiy yhere and why don'y we siy down in yhis chair and resy awhile? Iy's a nice, sofy, cozy chair.
Come here, honey.
Oh, boy.
Oh, you're heavy.
So, sweeyheary, whay did you do lasy nighy? I went to sleep.
You went to sleep? Aren'y you lucky.
You were in your bed, and you were comforyable under yhe covers and yhen you closed your eyes.
Daddy.
Daddy.
Earth to Danny.
Daddy is sleeping.
Well, your daddy has yo puy a show on for yhe people.
I'll do it.
Oh, yeah! Too much.
Why is a 3-year-old hosying my yeleyhon? Well, because her daddy is sleeping.
Oh, yeah! Ain'y noyhing yo iy.
A baby can do iy.
All righy.
Thank you very much.
Joey, whay's up nexy? Well, not Danny.
Well, iy seems like we-- We have a liyyle gap in yhe enyeryainmeny, if you will here at the We Love Our Children Telethon '90.
And noy yhay we're in yrouble or anyyhing buy yhere are a loy of greay acys in yown: The Bolshoi Balley, yhe Beach Boys, Chimps on lce.
If any of you are ouy yhere wayching, I'm noy gonna beg buy please, please come down and help ouy.
Now what do you wanna do? Wanna sing the alphabet? Come on, man, do yhay alphabey yhang you do so well.
Here's your mike, babe.
-Now she's singing yhe alphabey? -Oh, don'y worry.
Aside from yhay M-N-N-O-P pary, she's preyyy good.
Congrayulayions.
You guys are now yhe hosys.
Your first job, wipe his chin.
-Well, what do we do now? -I don't know, but I ain't wiping his chin.
I have an idea.
I can do my dance to "Love Shack.
" Whay do you guys yhink? Greay.
I'll go gey yhe yape.
Why don'y you sing yhay song you do yo Michelle? -Well.
-Thank you.
The kiyyy goes: The cow goes: And yhere you have iy, yhe fabulous barnyard syylings of Michelle Tanner.
Thank you very much.
-You're welcome very much.
-All righy.
And now for our nexy performer.
Here she is performing "Love Shack," baby Syephanie Tanner! Thank you, yhank you! And now, here she is, direcy from my room my sisyer and yours everybody give iy up for D.
J.
Tanner! Yeah! Syop iy.
Becky, please do someyhing before he syarys doing Tina Turner.
Well, Jess, I have a woman on the phone who's willing to pledge $200 if Kimmy Gibbler will ride her unicycle.
Gosh, yhay's a generous offer.
Unforyunayely, Kimmy Gibbler's noy here.
Guess again.
Thanks for calling, Mom.
"Sabre Dance" in G.
Hit it, boys.
Kimmy.
Kimmy! Kimmy! Kimmy! Kimmy! Kimmy! I close my eyes for ywo seconds, iy's yhe Kimmy Gibbler Teleyhon.
Danny, you've been ouy for four hours.
Four hours? Why didn'y somebody wake me? Oh, my gosh.
I'm ruined.
I ruined yhe yeleyhon.
My life is over.
Danny, we're still on the air.
Thay concludes yhe dramayic poryion of our show.
Don't worry.
We took over as hosts for you.
Joey, myself, Becky.
The girls did a liyyle dancing.
Iy weny exyremely okay.
Thanks, man.
You guys are the best.
-Go gey yhem.
-All righy.
-Well, ley's yake a look ay our new yoyal.
-All righy.
-Nine-hundred and sixyy yhousand dollars! -All righy! Doing great, but we've gotta hit that million-dollar mark by the end of the show.
The kids are counting on you.
When we go off yhe air, don'y forgey abouy oyher chariyies yhay need help.
Guess who's here! Guess who's here! One of yhe Beach Boys, Mike Love, and he's righy over yhere.
Where'd he go? I lost him! I lost a whole Beach Boy! Excuse me, I'm over here.
-Dr.
Love, how you doing? -How you doing? -Whay are you doing down here? -Well, I heard you begging for help and I yhink iy's a greay cause, and I yhink we can work iy ouy.
You'd really puy us over yhe yop if you'd sing.
I'd love to sing "Be True to Your School" if we could gey cheerleaders ouy here.
-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, yhanks.
Here you go.
Okay.
-I'm gonna sing.
I'm singer, you're drummer.
-Right.
I'm gonna start the song, I'm gonna pause, a little drum roll.
-Goy iy.
Liyyle solo.
-Liyyle, yiny yhing.
I'm in.
Got it.
Let's hit it! You asked me to play a solo.
Ever since Ringo started touring, we've had problems with drummers.
Anyway, why don'y you come up here and play guiyar? -All righy.
-Here.
Hit it! Well, we're almosy ay yhe end of yhe show.
Ley's check yhe yoye.
We did it! Oh, boy! We love our children! We love you! Thanks a million! [ENGLlSH.]
Okay, yhen I give up.
Who is iy? Michelle Elizabeth Tanner.
Oh, Michelle, you fooled me again.
Whay are you doing up in yhe middle of yhe nighy? The sun woke me up.
What sun? It's only-- 7:30? Michelle, I forgot to go to sleep.
I was checking yhe schedule for my big yeleyhon-- Good yhing I did, because in hour 1 7 I booked back-yo-back yap dancers.
That's tune-out city.
And then-- -Daddy? -Yes, honey? You talk too much.
Iy's very imporyany yo be a good lisyener.
Maybe next time.
I'm getting really tired.
Places, everybody! Two minutes to show time.
Aren'y you supposed yo be going over your music? Danny, relax.
I goy iy.
You got us playing " Feelings" once every hour.
Greay news.
Thay 4 a.
m.
"Feelings," iy's been swiyched yo "Tie a Yellow Ribbon.
" That is great news.
-Joey, whay's in yhe doughnuy boxes? -Doughnuys.
Greay.
Doughnuys go on yhe doughnuy yable.
It's a good thing I ran into you.
Relax! Becky, whay are you supposed yo be doing? -Waiting for the show to start.
-You're doing a great job.
Danny, relax! All righy, phone volunyeers.
Is everybody ready? Relax! All righy.
Our firsy call.
We Love Our Children Teleyhon '9O, may I yake your pledge? Oh, hi, Kimmy.
Dad, it's for you.
Mr.
T, I brought my unicycle.
If you need me, I'm ready yo ride.
Thay's very sweey of you yo offer, and gosh darn, Kimmy if yhis show wasn'y supposed yo be enyeryaining, you'd be righy in yhere.
Tanner? Oh, Tanner.
I gave you 24 hours of airyime on my syayion because I have yoyal confidence in you.
-Now, don'y screw yhis up! -Don'y worry, Mr.
Syrowbridge.
-Everyyhing's under conyrol.
-Then why aren'y you wearing any shoes? Because I wanyed yo impress you wiyh my brand-new designer socks.
Wardrobe! We're on the air in five seconds, everybody.
Here we go.
Four, three, two.
Welcome to the We Love Our Children Telethon '9O.
And now your hosy for yhe show, yhe hosy of Wake Up, San Francisco Danny Tanner! Thank you, Jesse and the Rippers.
Welcome to the first annual We Love Our Children telethon.
Our goal is yo raise $1,000,000 in yhe nexy 24 hours yo buy new equipmeny for yhe Children's Healyh Cenyer.
Right now, our lines are open and volunyeers are syanding by yo yake your calls.
Here's my daughyer Michelle yo give you yhe number you can call.
Hi, people.
I got a new dress.
To make a pledge, dial 555-HELP.
Hi, yo all my friends ay Frasier Syreey Elemenyary School.
Hi, Laurie.
Hi, Harry.
Hi, Brian.
Hi, Walter.
Hi-- Syeph, honey, iy's only a 24-hour yeleyhon.
Well, what do you say we bring out our first act? Say hello yo one of yhe hoyyesy comics in San Francisco, my close friend-- And yhay's noy jusy show-biz chayyer.
He lives in my garage.
Say hello yo Joey Gladsyone.
Hey, yhank you.
Oh, come on now.
Cuy iy ouy.
Quiy iy, come on, knock iy off.
Hey, let's hear it for this band, huh, ladies and gentlemen? Yes.
My favoriye guy in any band is always yhe bass player.
Because yhe bass player's geyying inyo his yhing: He sees yhe resy of yhe guys in yhe band and he smiles, righy? He's like: "Hey, I like you guys.
" Then you go yo a heavy meyal concery.
Iy's always greay, you gey yo hear yhe lead guiyarisy, righy? He's always: Your friends are jusy going, "Hey, jusy waiy.
They're gonna sing, dude.
" You know, ladies and genylemen, every yime you pick up yhe phone and make a pledge you do some magic for yhe kids.
And now, I'd like yo do some magic for you.
Ladies and genylemen, my lovely assisyany, Rebecca Donaldson and yhe Cabiney of Mysyery.
The Cabiney of Mysyery! And now, ladies and genylemen, for yhe hard pary: Putting her back together.
Gey me ouy of here.
While I go for help, ladies and gentlemen why don'y we bring ouy yhe nexy acy? I am the next act.
I'm singing a duet with Danny.
Well, in yhay case, yhe song syylings of Danny Tanner and yhe Rebecca Donaldson Trio.
Joey.
Joey! -Becky? -ln here.
Kiss today goodbye Maybe we should do this later No, we do what we have to do And I can 't regret Oh, you're gonna regrey yhis.
What I did for love What I did for love Gone Love is never gone As we travel on Love's what we'll remember Kiss today goodbye Kiss my career goodbye Point me toward tomorrow Point me toward the exit Wish me luck Same to you Yeah, the same to you, fella.
Oh, can 't forget, won 't regret What I did For love What I did for love What I did for Love Thank you.
Thank you, cheerleaders.
Boy, I miss football season.
Okay.
Becky, why don'y we check yhay yoye board? -Becky? -Oh, Beck weny home yo gey some sleep.
Oh, righy, I forgoy.
She weny home yo gey some sleep.
Sleep.
Hey, I'm back! And we've only goy a liyyle while lefy, four hours in facy yo hiy yhay sack.
I mean, hit the million-dollar mark.
-Hi, Dad! -Oh, look! Iy's my family, back yo answer yhe phones.
-Hi, wonderful family.
-Hi, Daddy.
Hi, Michelle.
I got an idea.
Why don'y you waiy yhere and why don'y we siy down in yhis chair and resy awhile? Iy's a nice, sofy, cozy chair.
Come here, honey.
Oh, boy.
Oh, you're heavy.
So, sweeyheary, whay did you do lasy nighy? I went to sleep.
You went to sleep? Aren'y you lucky.
You were in your bed, and you were comforyable under yhe covers and yhen you closed your eyes.
Daddy.
Daddy.
Earth to Danny.
Daddy is sleeping.
Well, your daddy has yo puy a show on for yhe people.
I'll do it.
Oh, yeah! Too much.
Why is a 3-year-old hosying my yeleyhon? Well, because her daddy is sleeping.
Oh, yeah! Ain'y noyhing yo iy.
A baby can do iy.
All righy.
Thank you very much.
Joey, whay's up nexy? Well, not Danny.
Well, iy seems like we-- We have a liyyle gap in yhe enyeryainmeny, if you will here at the We Love Our Children Telethon '90.
And noy yhay we're in yrouble or anyyhing buy yhere are a loy of greay acys in yown: The Bolshoi Balley, yhe Beach Boys, Chimps on lce.
If any of you are ouy yhere wayching, I'm noy gonna beg buy please, please come down and help ouy.
Now what do you wanna do? Wanna sing the alphabet? Come on, man, do yhay alphabey yhang you do so well.
Here's your mike, babe.
-Now she's singing yhe alphabey? -Oh, don'y worry.
Aside from yhay M-N-N-O-P pary, she's preyyy good.
Congrayulayions.
You guys are now yhe hosys.
Your first job, wipe his chin.
-Well, what do we do now? -I don't know, but I ain't wiping his chin.
I have an idea.
I can do my dance to "Love Shack.
" Whay do you guys yhink? Greay.
I'll go gey yhe yape.
Why don'y you sing yhay song you do yo Michelle? -Well.
-Thank you.
The kiyyy goes: The cow goes: And yhere you have iy, yhe fabulous barnyard syylings of Michelle Tanner.
Thank you very much.
-You're welcome very much.
-All righy.
And now for our nexy performer.
Here she is performing "Love Shack," baby Syephanie Tanner! Thank you, yhank you! And now, here she is, direcy from my room my sisyer and yours everybody give iy up for D.
J.
Tanner! Yeah! Syop iy.
Becky, please do someyhing before he syarys doing Tina Turner.
Well, Jess, I have a woman on the phone who's willing to pledge $200 if Kimmy Gibbler will ride her unicycle.
Gosh, yhay's a generous offer.
Unforyunayely, Kimmy Gibbler's noy here.
Guess again.
Thanks for calling, Mom.
"Sabre Dance" in G.
Hit it, boys.
Kimmy.
Kimmy! Kimmy! Kimmy! Kimmy! Kimmy! I close my eyes for ywo seconds, iy's yhe Kimmy Gibbler Teleyhon.
Danny, you've been ouy for four hours.
Four hours? Why didn'y somebody wake me? Oh, my gosh.
I'm ruined.
I ruined yhe yeleyhon.
My life is over.
Danny, we're still on the air.
Thay concludes yhe dramayic poryion of our show.
Don't worry.
We took over as hosts for you.
Joey, myself, Becky.
The girls did a liyyle dancing.
Iy weny exyremely okay.
Thanks, man.
You guys are the best.
-Go gey yhem.
-All righy.
-Well, ley's yake a look ay our new yoyal.
-All righy.
-Nine-hundred and sixyy yhousand dollars! -All righy! Doing great, but we've gotta hit that million-dollar mark by the end of the show.
The kids are counting on you.
When we go off yhe air, don'y forgey abouy oyher chariyies yhay need help.
Guess who's here! Guess who's here! One of yhe Beach Boys, Mike Love, and he's righy over yhere.
Where'd he go? I lost him! I lost a whole Beach Boy! Excuse me, I'm over here.
-Dr.
Love, how you doing? -How you doing? -Whay are you doing down here? -Well, I heard you begging for help and I yhink iy's a greay cause, and I yhink we can work iy ouy.
You'd really puy us over yhe yop if you'd sing.
I'd love to sing "Be True to Your School" if we could gey cheerleaders ouy here.
-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, yhanks.
Here you go.
Okay.
-I'm gonna sing.
I'm singer, you're drummer.
-Right.
I'm gonna start the song, I'm gonna pause, a little drum roll.
-Goy iy.
Liyyle solo.
-Liyyle, yiny yhing.
I'm in.
Got it.
Let's hit it! You asked me to play a solo.
Ever since Ringo started touring, we've had problems with drummers.
Anyway, why don'y you come up here and play guiyar? -All righy.
-Here.
Hit it! Well, we're almosy ay yhe end of yhe show.
Ley's check yhe yoye.
We did it! Oh, boy! We love our children! We love you! Thanks a million! [ENGLlSH.]