The Partridge Family (1970) s03e24 Episode Script

1
Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'
Come on, get happy
A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy
We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together
And spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on
Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together
We get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song
Travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'
Come on, get happy
A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy
We'll make you happy
We'll make you happy ♪
Na na-na-na
na-na-na Na-na-na, ooh
Na na-na-na na-na-na
Na-na-na God
bless you, girl If this is it
Don't explain
it Try to show me
God bless you,
girl You can't explain
There ain't a
blessed thing you owe me
Come on now you know me
I'm not the kind of guy
Who'll sit and wonder why
You've played your
hand and I've played mine
And now it's
just about that time
I guess we reached
the end of the line
God bless you,
girl 'cause you're free
Motivated by a spirit
God bless you, girl I can see
It's your ship
and you must steer it
No one's getting near it
You just can't stay too long
And sing that same old song
The picture's
yours The clock is mine
And now it's
just about that time
I guess we reached
the end of the line
Na na-na-na
na-na-na Na-na-na, ooh
Goodbye, girl It's your life
And you can live it
So long, girl
It's your life ♪
DANNY: Come on, Keith,
quit trying to hear our play.
Well hurry up, it didn't take
the Green Bay Packers this long
to play their whole season.
Okay, here's the plan.
Tracy, you go out left
and fake a stomach ache.
Stomach ache?
Trust me.
Laurie, I'm gonna center
it so you're quarterback.
Fine, but why should she go
out and fake a stomach ache?
If you wanna win, listen
to me, all right? Break.
Break.
Okay, I got Danny.
I got Tracy.
I got a stomach ache.
What?
Hike.
Run, Danny, run!
Come on, I'm open!
Why, you little sneak.
What kind of a pass was that?
You could have
had it if you ran.
And I had arms 14-feet long.
Hi. What's up?
Not this.
Hi, Reuben. Hi.
I'm sorry about the football,
but I have some news that
should more than make up for it.
I've lined up a tremendous
booking for this weekend.
Where?
Rose Mansion.
No kidding?
Yeah.
Where's Rose Mansion?
I've never heard of it.
Neither have I.
You get all the biggies.
Yeah, okay, all right.
Now, wait a minute. I'd never heard
of it either till the manager called
and described it to me. It's a little
out-of-the-way resort in the mountains,
all expenses paid. Beautiful
accommodations, and a terrific salary.
Well, I love the mountains.
Sounds great. How about it?
Well, I don't see why not.
It sounds different anyway.
Reuben, we owe you an apology.
Nah.
On behalf of the entire family
and for your untiring dedication,
I award you the game ball.
(ALL CHUCKLING)
KEITH: 'Cause it sounds
like you're saying hello
Hello
But it feels like
you mean goodbye
Yes, it sounds
like you're saying hello
Hello
With every word
that you say I want to cry
'Cause it sounds
like you're saying hello
Hello
But it feels like
you mean goodbye
Hello, goodbye ♪
Bravo! Marvelous!
I'll see everyone at dinner.
This is some resort.
It must not be
their busy season.
Beautiful, great show.
Well, thanks, but it's a little
strange outnumbering our audience.
Yeah, well,
I know you must have
a couple of questions.
A couple of questions?
Reuben, we're flown to a
private airstrip, driven here
in a limousine, rushed into a
room to change, and then come out
on stage and play for
an audience of one?
And he loved you!
And that's another
thing, who is he?
Yeah. Well, uh,
while you were on,
I had a little talk with the
gardener. Apparently Rose Mansion
is not a resort, it's what
Sidney Rose calls his estate.
That was Sidney Rose?
Yeah.
The Melba-toast baron?
The Melba-toast baron?
Danny, what are
you talking about?
Sidney Rose, estimated
value $280 million,
born of poor but
noble Prussian parents
came to the United
States in 1947
and, practically overnight,
made millions in Melba toast.
How did you know all that?
He's in my book, So You
Want to be a Millionaire.
Well, at least we do
know who our host is.
Well, why don't we get cleaned
up and meet him for dinner?
To meet Sidney Rose,
I'd even take a bath.
He must be big.
This is my kind of place.
Yeah. It must have
cost a lot of bread.
Not bread. Melba toast.
Mom, if Mr. Rose is so rich,
why doesn't he turn the lights up?
DANNY: It isn't posh
to eat with the lights up.
I wonder what we're
having for dinner.
It doesn't look like
cheeseburgers.
Tracy, wait till
Mr. Rose is seated.
He is joining us, isn't he?
Yes, madam.
He'll be here presently.
Is it true Mr. Rose is a hermit?
Chris.
Well, that's what Danny told me.
It's in my book. It says
he hardly ever goes out.
That doesn't necessarily
mean he's a hermit.
I'm terribly sorry.
Oh, that's, uh, quite, uh
No, please, the
boy's right, uh
If anyone should apologize,
it's I for spying on you.
Mr. Rose.
I'm sorry. I
I guess I owe you
an explanation.
In order to protect my
privacy, I see very few people.
It, uh, gets very lonely here when
you have no family. Uh, perhaps, uh
Perhaps I was looking for
something that a family could offer.
I've always enjoyed your music,
and so I said to myself, "Why
not meet them in person?"
I'm I'm sorry
about the disguise,
but I had to be sure
I could trust you.
If you want to leave
now, I'll understand.
Look, Mr. Rose,
perhaps there's one thing
you don't know about our family.
We seldom pass up a free meal.
Then you'll stay? We'd love
to, but no more disguises.
Oh, I promise. Well,
that's wonderful. Let's eat.
Cheeseburgers!
I thought they'd be appropriate.
He's not only rich,
he's a gourmet, too.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Tell another story,
Uncle Sidney.
SHIRLEY: Chris, I'm afraid
we're gonna have to put that off
until another time. We do
have a long trip tomorrow.
You're not leaving?
I'm afraid so.
Nonsense. Spend the week.
That's very nice
of you, but we can't.
You see, they have a
club date tomorrow night.
Well, whatever you're
being paid, I'll double it.
Well, it's not the money.
We've signed a contract.
Then I'll triple it.
Do I hear four?
I'm sorry. We have to go.
Why don't you come
and see us at the club?
Hmm. I don't know. Uh,
you see, there'll be people,
uh, at that club.
I suppose I could.
I'll have to check with my
accountant first to see if I can afford it.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and
gentlemen, the Partridge Family!
Don't stop!
On with the show!
Almost a week now,
and he wanted to see you,
so he bought out the house.
There are less expensive
ways of seeing us.
We can't go on
meeting like this.
With $280 million,
he can go on meeting
like this forever.
It's a little difficult to put
any feeling into a love song
when you're only
singing to Uncle Sidney.
LAURIE: Hi, Mr. Rose. Hi, Sidney
Were you surprised?
Well, yes.
You should have seen the look on
the maitre d's face when I ordered
200 tables up front.
I can imagine.
You know, you were all great,
as usual, but, Keith, you
could put a little more feeling
into some of your love songs.
SIDNEY: By the way,
where's your next gig?
You wouldn't like the
place. It's a hangout
for reporters, detectives,
and gossip columnists.
Well, that's no problem.
I just put on a disguise
and buy out the place again.
Instead of buying
out every club,
why don't you try
sitting in the audience?
No, I couldn't do that. There
are people in the audience.
Why don't you all come up to
my place for a couple of weeks?
Everybody.
Why don't you come and
spend a few days with us?
No, I couldn't do that either.
There are people where you live.
Mom, I couldn't sleep.
I have something on my mind,
and I just have to tell somebody.
What is it?
Well, when Uncle Sidney
said goodbye the other night,
I realized I might
never see him again.
Yes?
Well, I thought about all that
money, and I had this terrible urge
to run up and scream, "Adopt
me! I'm young. I'll work hard."
I just had to tell
somebody. I feel so guilty.
Do you still feel guilty?
No. I feel like a fool
for telling you. Psychology
is so complicated.
Yes, it is, but I'm sure
glad you decided to stay.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
May I have a word with
you? It's about Sidney Rose.
What is it?
I'm him.
I wonder why Mr. Rose changed
his mind and came to visit us.
I think he's unhappy.
Mom, he's got 280 million
reasons not to be unhappy.
Well, maybe he missed the littler
things in life, like walking in the rain
or hearing a baby cry
or stopping for pizza.
Pizza?
He's got enough money
to put anchovies on Italy.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Did you sleep well?
Like a baby.
Just in time for breakfast.
Breakfast, ah!
Don't tell me. Let me
guess. Eggs Benedict!
Would you settle for,
uh, Oatmeal Shirley?
Why not?
I served you cheeseburgers.
Welcome to the family.
SIDNEY: I'm almost ready!
What disguise do you think Uncle
Sidney's gonna show us next?
I hope he's a bunny.
I hope he's a gorilla.
He looks just like Mom.
It is Mom.
What are you kids up to?
Uncle Sidney's
showing us his disguises.
Excuse me, uh Where's
this TV set that's on the blink?
Is that it over there?
Uncle Sidney?
Nope. Phil Johnson's the name.
TV's my game. See, TV Fix-It?
Yeah. How do you like it?
Oh, it's just marvelous.
Thank you. It's not
as good as a bunny.
Wouldn't you know it? I left
my bunny suit at the cleaners.
Hi. Guess who I brought with me.
How do you do?
I'm Merle Pearson.
Yes, of course. How do you do?
I've seen your television show.
Merle, this is Laurie.
LAURIE: Hello
And Chris and Tracy and
Oh, Phil Johnson! Phil Johnson,
TV repair. See? TV Fix-It?
Well, now that we all know
each other, shall we get started?
Started?
Yeah. Uh, yeah, Merle's here
to interview you and the family.
When I told him we did a special
command performance for Sidney Rose, he
I jumped at the
chance to interview you.
I've tried to get a story
on that rascal for years.
Oh, um Well,
uh Mr. Pearson, I
I'm afraid we can't
do the interview today.
Maybe some other time.
Shirley. Well, my
hair's a mess, Reuben,
and the kids were just
gonna go outside and play,
and Laurie hasn't
done her homework.
Geometry.
And Keith and Danny
aren't even here.
Hi, everyone. What's going on?
Us, on The Merle Pearson Show.
LAURIE: That's
good timing, fellas.
It was all my fault, Sidney.
If I'd known you were
here No harm done.
He didn't recognize me. I'll have
to use that disguise more often.
It's more effective
than my bunny suit.
Sidney's right, Reuben.
There's no harm done.
There. How's that?
That's fine. Now turn it up
because Merle Pearson's on next.
MERLE ON TV: Good evening. Today, we
visited the home of the Partridge Family,
here in San Pueblo, to talk
with them about their recent,
private performance for
millionaire recluse Sidney Rose.
Having followed Rose's
career for many years,
I was quite interested to hear
what had happened to him,
and here's how it went.
I found the Partridges a very
charming and delightful family,
warm and friendly.
I look terrific.
Picture's more distorted
than we thought.
And I also found
something I hadn't expected.
A man disguised
as a TV repairman,
a man who tried his best to
go unnoticed in that living room,
a man who, under that
disguise, is the real Sidney Rose,
now a houseguest of
the Partridge Family.
Yes, after 20 years
(TURNS TV OFF)
Sidney, I'm sorry.
He must have
known the whole time.
Oh, Sidney, we're all so sorry.
It's not your fault.
We'll sue.
No, I'll go back to
my estate right away.
By tomorrow morning, there's
gonna be a crowd of people
in your front yard.
You're just gonna run away?
Sidney, don't you think it's
time you stopped living like this?
But you don't understand.
See, the crowds,
the publicity, I
All right.
So there'll be crowds and
publicity, but that can't last forever.
In time, it'll all blow over,
and you can live a normal life.
If you don't even try, you'll
never know how nice it can be.
Well, it's been pretty
nice facing all of you.
If you can face all of us,
you can face anybody.
All right. I'll give it a try.
How's that for courage?
John Wayne, eat your heart out.
Mom, you're not
gonna believe this.
How many are out there?
Nobody.
Nobody?
The only thing in the paper about
Sidney is a fire in Sydney, Australia.
Well, what are we gonna do?
For 20 years, he's had a fear of
crowds, and now there's no one there.
Morning. Morning.
I thought you were
finished with disguises.
Yeah, well, I
I stayed up all night, thinking
about facing that crowd,
and I just can't do it. It's
hard to break old habits.
Sidney, I think there's
something I should tell you.
I know what you're
gonna say, and don't worry.
I'll pay for any damage
the crowd does to your lawn.
That isn't it.
The limousine arrive yet? Yes.
Police escort? Yes.
Good. Don't wanna
get trapped by that mob.
Mom, I went around the corner
to see if anybody was there,
and no one showed up.
What are you talking about?
Sidney, there isn't a crowd.
You're joking.
There's nobody there.
Come on. Don't
kid around with me.
I I guess a lot of people
were out of town this weekend.
Thanks. Well
I guess it's not the
crowd that I'm afraid of.
It's the truth.
I'm finally beginning to realize that
I'm not the mysterious Sidney Rose
that the public can't
wait to get a glimpse of.
I'm just a fool that stumbled on a
fortune and thought he was a big deal.
Sidney, you're being too hard on
yourself. You're a kind, wonderful man.
I know you're trying to be
nice to me, and I appreciate it,
but I've got to face what I am.
What you are is a man
who's used his money
to help an awful lot of people.
You're the kind of millionaire
I've always wanted to be.
Well, I appreciate
what you're saying,
and you're very kind, but
I think I'll just go home.
I don't know how
to tell you this,
but Sidney bought out
the whole house again.
Reuben, no.
I tried everything. I
just couldn't stop him.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and
gentlemen, the Partridge Family!
(SIDNEY APPLAUDING)
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
(PLAYING ONE NIGHT STAND)
Every night, a different
town, I sing my song
Play and sing and pack
my things and move along
A pretty face, another
place I'll never get to know
A one-night
stand, another show
My guitar, a railroad
car, a bus or plane
Do do do-do-do
A chocolate bar, and
there you are, the price of fame
Do do do-do-do
If I could do what I
want to I'd stay and never go
The one-night
stand is all I know
I wish that I
could be two people
I wish that I
could be two people
Instead of being on my own
Instead of being on my own
I wish that I
could be two people
I wish that I
could be two people
And then I'd never be alone
And then I'd never be alone
Photographs of where
I've been and all I've done
Do do do-do-do
In this whole world, is
there a girl? No, not one
Do do do-do-do
Goodbye, hello I've got
to go I hope you'll understand
A one-night man is all I am
A one-night stand
A one-night man
Do-do-do-do Do-do-do
do-do-do Do-do-do do-do-do
Do-do-do do-do
Do-do-do-do Do-do-do
do-do-do Do-do-do do-do-do
Do-do-do do-do-do
Do-do-do do-do
Goodbye, hello I've got
to go I hope you'll understand
A one-night man is all I am
A one-night stand
A one-night man ♪
Now, that's the way
to buy out the house.
Did I surprise you?
It was a wonderful surprise.
I thought everyone
was great, as usual.
Now, that's the best
costume of all, yourself.
Pretty jazzed-up, aren't I?
You look like a million.
Make that several million.
I just wanted to come back and
thank you all for what you've done.
Without you, I'd still be
up at that estate, alone.
Well, now that you're out in the
world again, how do you like it?
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Well
Sidney, dear, we're gonna be
late for our dinner reservations.
Mmm-hmm.
I must say, it does
offer certain advantages.