Clarence US (2014) s03e25 Episode Script
The Trade
1 [Remote clicks.]
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
[Slurps.]
Mm, banana Aw, strawberry? How about you? Come on.
Come on.
Mm, this one's gotta be banana.
[Slurps.]
[Gasps.]
Banana! [Slurps.]
[Growling.]
[Panting.]
[Grunting.]
Hey, that looks like a snake.
Can I see it? Nuh-uh.
It's mine.
Mmm.
I'll trade you a yogurt for it.
What else you got? - How about this rock? - Nah.
- A pile of sticks? - Nah.
- A bigger rock? - Nah.
- A snake? - Nah.
- Vintage high heels? - Nah.
How's about Mr.
Frog? I know you want Mr.
Frog.
- Ooh Nah.
- Oh, what? Mm.
[Thud.]
Oh, how about this card? Salty Duncan.
He's got a cool mustache, and he's old.
I don't know.
[Breathing heavily.]
Eh, fine.
I'm done with it anyway.
[Fanfare.]
[Whistling.]
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no! Man, oh, man! - Hey, Chad.
- Oh.
Hey, buddy.
Um I'm just looking for my Salty Duncan rookie card.
[Farts.]
I think I lost it.
But wasn't that card, like, really old? And what about all this other junk in here? I mean, this stuff is still around.
That Salty Duncan card is special, man.
[Sighs.]
Salty Duncan was special.
Everyone called him the Big Bopper.
[Crowd cheers.]
My Grandpapi was his best pal.
They grew up together! Grandpapi would go to all of Salty's games.
Grandpapi was even there the night Salty won Rookie of the Year for leading the league in homers and getting a Golden Glove great, great friends.
But after Salty's breakout season, his number got called and went to serve his country.
Grandpapi never heard from him again.
That card was all Grandpapi had to remember him by.
- You sure you haven't seen it? - No.
Aw, man.
I can't believe I lost it! Ugh! Sorry, Grandpapi! [Groaning.]
Judge Mallet: Guilty! [Chuckles.]
Sumo! Sumo! Sumo! Um do you have the card? No, man.
I don't.
But I just barely gave it to you like 2 seconds ago! I swapped it for this.
Approach the bench! Pretty sweet, right? I got this for a dumb old card! Sumo, that wasn't just any card.
It was special 'cause he was Salty, and and, um and I gave it away for a stupid stick.
[In deep voice.]
Uh I'm sorry, Clarence.
It's okay.
Overruled! So, who'd you trade it to? I'm sorry.
I did have the card, but I traded it.
- Aw, man.
- What'd you trade it for? Two of these.
But one of them's busted.
It's supposed to come back.
I'll get it back.
Faw! See? They're both busted.
Hey, Camden, who did you trade with? - But you don't have it either? - Well, who does got it? Huh! Hey! My Dunkston! Belson! Oh, Belson! [Grunts.]
Clarence: And then, the next person traded it away, and then they traded it away.
But I didn't know about Grandpapi, and Chad is all sad.
I-I just really need it back.
Could you help a guy out? - I'll trade you for it.
- Mm.
Let me think.
[Slurps.]
- No.
- I got this snake stick! [Vibrating.]
How about I trade you all my stuffed animals or or or my humorous cat comics? Oh! Sumo's mallet! Sorry, man, too late.
[Laughing.]
The jury will now retire to deliberate! I'll do anything you want.
I could be your man, Belson.
I could be your guy.
- Gross.
- Man on TV: "Infatuation Boat.
" Infatuation Boat - Look at it go.
- I like the boat.
Yeah.
There it is! Ooh, what about how about your own whole boat? [Breathing shakily.]
Uh, sure.
If you give me a boat, you can have your lame card back.
[Chuckles.]
Dang.
Sumo, how'd you trade the card for that cool laser sword anyway? Well, it's like my dad says when he's selling old car parts - Just don't let 'em say "no.
" - Hmm.
"Don't let 'em say no.
" Um, so, uh you see, Mr.
Frog, um is a good listener.
H-He's green.
One day, he wants to grow up and be Unh! Ugh! [Spits.]
- Um I'll trade you this - No, uh, I'm all right.
But, um Mr.
Frog is invincible, - so he'll never get broken.
- Oh.
Um, okay.
[Music.]
Thanks, Clarence.
I [Shatters.]
Oh.
Heh no take-backs! Anyone who's anyone has at least three of these.
[Music.]
And this fan? Way better than a dog, trust me.
Now you guys can be best buds, best friends, best pals.
[Music.]
You, sir, look like a music lover.
Am I wrong, or am I right? How about this fine piece from the Baroque era? Hmm? Watches, jewels, necklaces, uh watches.
This beautiful stallion for a beautiful lady! Plenty of fish in the sea, am I right? Man: Matey, she's all yours.
Salty, you're mine.
Back her in, boys! [Reverse signal beeping.]
What the heck?! H-How did you even get this? I wheeled, and I dealed.
So where's the card, babe? You're such a freak, Clarence.
Ugh.
Go away! Bu But what about the card? - It's not for sale! - We had a deal! Dang.
Well, back her out, boys! We better be getting paid for this.
So you don't have it anymore? Please don't hang up.
Oh.
I got to go Hey, Chad.
I, um found your card.
Oh, uh - Thanks, bud.
- [Groans.]
All right.
I did it.
You caught me.
Are you happy? I traded Salty Duncan for a stick, and Salty got traded around town.
I got addicted to trading, and now I own a boat.
I'm sorry, Chad.
I don't know what happened.
It's okay, bud.
Thanks for letting me know.
- You're not mad? - Nah, man.
It's cool.
[Chuckles.]
I'm actually going through something similar right now.
- You do? - So, earlier today, I traded your mom's coffee table away to my buddy, Rodney, for some seafood paella.
But then I remembered it belonged to Mary's great-grandma back in Poland or something.
Huh?! [Screams.]
So Rodney had already traded it to Pepper, and she traded it to some dude called J.
J.
, and now this old lady has it.
- And I can't get it back, man.
- Wow.
That's, like, the exact same problem.
Yeah, I think I just got to come clean to your mom.
- Like you did.
- Chad, wait.
- Does this old lady have a boat? - No.
Then there are still deals to be done, baby.
- Take her away, boys! - We better get paid for this.
I'm talkin' overtime.
Hey! What're you doing with that brick? Um what brick? [Car alarm blares in distance.]
Wait a minute.
I already told you, gorilla man, you are not getting the table back.
Wait.
Maybe this'll change your mind.
Back her in, boys! [Reverse signal beeping, scraping.]
- So we have a deal? - Not a chance.
I'm not giving up this fine piece of furniture.
[Inhales deeply.]
Ooh! I can smell its rich Polish history.
Plus, what the heck am I gonna do with a boat? Oh, um, uh Psst, Chad.
S-s-sell it, babe.
Okay.
Um, how about trading for this stick? - No! - Okay.
Hmm.
Well, I will say this stick is sturdy, and it's a nice oak-y stick.
You you can do, uh, uh, th this with it! - Mm-mm-mm-mm.
- Mm-mm-mm.
- It's the best stick in the world.
- It's the best stick.
- You could also scratch your back! - Let me see that.
Scratch your back, huh? Oh.
Oh! Oh! Joy! Ahh! [Chuckling.]
Oh! I love it.
Oh, boy! Ha! Oh! [Sighs.]
Thank you.
And then, I couldn't get the zipper to go down, and then I was like, "Hey, Jeff, can you please help me with this?" Oh, hey, guys! Like the new coffee table? I just grabbed it from Savers for $20.
[Farts.]
[Chuckling.]
Doesn't it look great? But it's your great-grandma's table! Oh, what, that dumpy old thing? Yeah, [chuckles.]
I kept it 'cause it was Babci's.
But, you know, all the legs are all loose, and it's peeling.
So yeah, y y y you can toss it.
Well, guess that's the end of that chapter? Not quite, babe? [Doorbell rings.]
Fine! I'll get it! - Oh, what do you dorks want? - Hello, young man.
Are you in the market for a fine coffee table this evening? What? No.
Why would I want that? - Now, Chad! - Aah! - Oh, what the heck? - Sorry, little boy! - Clarence, hurry! - Get off of me! - Hunh! Got it! - Clarence, aah! I'm sorry, Belson.
See you tomorrow at school! I'll get you back, Clarence! Weirdo.
[Horn honks.]
What the heck? G-Get this out of here! I'm rich! [Horn honks.]
- Hey, man, you got to pay us.
- Ughhh! [Music.]
Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
[Slurps.]
Mm, banana Aw, strawberry? How about you? Come on.
Come on.
Mm, this one's gotta be banana.
[Slurps.]
[Gasps.]
Banana! [Slurps.]
[Growling.]
[Panting.]
[Grunting.]
Hey, that looks like a snake.
Can I see it? Nuh-uh.
It's mine.
Mmm.
I'll trade you a yogurt for it.
What else you got? - How about this rock? - Nah.
- A pile of sticks? - Nah.
- A bigger rock? - Nah.
- A snake? - Nah.
- Vintage high heels? - Nah.
How's about Mr.
Frog? I know you want Mr.
Frog.
- Ooh Nah.
- Oh, what? Mm.
[Thud.]
Oh, how about this card? Salty Duncan.
He's got a cool mustache, and he's old.
I don't know.
[Breathing heavily.]
Eh, fine.
I'm done with it anyway.
[Fanfare.]
[Whistling.]
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no! Man, oh, man! - Hey, Chad.
- Oh.
Hey, buddy.
Um I'm just looking for my Salty Duncan rookie card.
[Farts.]
I think I lost it.
But wasn't that card, like, really old? And what about all this other junk in here? I mean, this stuff is still around.
That Salty Duncan card is special, man.
[Sighs.]
Salty Duncan was special.
Everyone called him the Big Bopper.
[Crowd cheers.]
My Grandpapi was his best pal.
They grew up together! Grandpapi would go to all of Salty's games.
Grandpapi was even there the night Salty won Rookie of the Year for leading the league in homers and getting a Golden Glove great, great friends.
But after Salty's breakout season, his number got called and went to serve his country.
Grandpapi never heard from him again.
That card was all Grandpapi had to remember him by.
- You sure you haven't seen it? - No.
Aw, man.
I can't believe I lost it! Ugh! Sorry, Grandpapi! [Groaning.]
Judge Mallet: Guilty! [Chuckles.]
Sumo! Sumo! Sumo! Um do you have the card? No, man.
I don't.
But I just barely gave it to you like 2 seconds ago! I swapped it for this.
Approach the bench! Pretty sweet, right? I got this for a dumb old card! Sumo, that wasn't just any card.
It was special 'cause he was Salty, and and, um and I gave it away for a stupid stick.
[In deep voice.]
Uh I'm sorry, Clarence.
It's okay.
Overruled! So, who'd you trade it to? I'm sorry.
I did have the card, but I traded it.
- Aw, man.
- What'd you trade it for? Two of these.
But one of them's busted.
It's supposed to come back.
I'll get it back.
Faw! See? They're both busted.
Hey, Camden, who did you trade with? - But you don't have it either? - Well, who does got it? Huh! Hey! My Dunkston! Belson! Oh, Belson! [Grunts.]
Clarence: And then, the next person traded it away, and then they traded it away.
But I didn't know about Grandpapi, and Chad is all sad.
I-I just really need it back.
Could you help a guy out? - I'll trade you for it.
- Mm.
Let me think.
[Slurps.]
- No.
- I got this snake stick! [Vibrating.]
How about I trade you all my stuffed animals or or or my humorous cat comics? Oh! Sumo's mallet! Sorry, man, too late.
[Laughing.]
The jury will now retire to deliberate! I'll do anything you want.
I could be your man, Belson.
I could be your guy.
- Gross.
- Man on TV: "Infatuation Boat.
" Infatuation Boat - Look at it go.
- I like the boat.
Yeah.
There it is! Ooh, what about how about your own whole boat? [Breathing shakily.]
Uh, sure.
If you give me a boat, you can have your lame card back.
[Chuckles.]
Dang.
Sumo, how'd you trade the card for that cool laser sword anyway? Well, it's like my dad says when he's selling old car parts - Just don't let 'em say "no.
" - Hmm.
"Don't let 'em say no.
" Um, so, uh you see, Mr.
Frog, um is a good listener.
H-He's green.
One day, he wants to grow up and be Unh! Ugh! [Spits.]
- Um I'll trade you this - No, uh, I'm all right.
But, um Mr.
Frog is invincible, - so he'll never get broken.
- Oh.
Um, okay.
[Music.]
Thanks, Clarence.
I [Shatters.]
Oh.
Heh no take-backs! Anyone who's anyone has at least three of these.
[Music.]
And this fan? Way better than a dog, trust me.
Now you guys can be best buds, best friends, best pals.
[Music.]
You, sir, look like a music lover.
Am I wrong, or am I right? How about this fine piece from the Baroque era? Hmm? Watches, jewels, necklaces, uh watches.
This beautiful stallion for a beautiful lady! Plenty of fish in the sea, am I right? Man: Matey, she's all yours.
Salty, you're mine.
Back her in, boys! [Reverse signal beeping.]
What the heck?! H-How did you even get this? I wheeled, and I dealed.
So where's the card, babe? You're such a freak, Clarence.
Ugh.
Go away! Bu But what about the card? - It's not for sale! - We had a deal! Dang.
Well, back her out, boys! We better be getting paid for this.
So you don't have it anymore? Please don't hang up.
Oh.
I got to go Hey, Chad.
I, um found your card.
Oh, uh - Thanks, bud.
- [Groans.]
All right.
I did it.
You caught me.
Are you happy? I traded Salty Duncan for a stick, and Salty got traded around town.
I got addicted to trading, and now I own a boat.
I'm sorry, Chad.
I don't know what happened.
It's okay, bud.
Thanks for letting me know.
- You're not mad? - Nah, man.
It's cool.
[Chuckles.]
I'm actually going through something similar right now.
- You do? - So, earlier today, I traded your mom's coffee table away to my buddy, Rodney, for some seafood paella.
But then I remembered it belonged to Mary's great-grandma back in Poland or something.
Huh?! [Screams.]
So Rodney had already traded it to Pepper, and she traded it to some dude called J.
J.
, and now this old lady has it.
- And I can't get it back, man.
- Wow.
That's, like, the exact same problem.
Yeah, I think I just got to come clean to your mom.
- Like you did.
- Chad, wait.
- Does this old lady have a boat? - No.
Then there are still deals to be done, baby.
- Take her away, boys! - We better get paid for this.
I'm talkin' overtime.
Hey! What're you doing with that brick? Um what brick? [Car alarm blares in distance.]
Wait a minute.
I already told you, gorilla man, you are not getting the table back.
Wait.
Maybe this'll change your mind.
Back her in, boys! [Reverse signal beeping, scraping.]
- So we have a deal? - Not a chance.
I'm not giving up this fine piece of furniture.
[Inhales deeply.]
Ooh! I can smell its rich Polish history.
Plus, what the heck am I gonna do with a boat? Oh, um, uh Psst, Chad.
S-s-sell it, babe.
Okay.
Um, how about trading for this stick? - No! - Okay.
Hmm.
Well, I will say this stick is sturdy, and it's a nice oak-y stick.
You you can do, uh, uh, th this with it! - Mm-mm-mm-mm.
- Mm-mm-mm.
- It's the best stick in the world.
- It's the best stick.
- You could also scratch your back! - Let me see that.
Scratch your back, huh? Oh.
Oh! Oh! Joy! Ahh! [Chuckling.]
Oh! I love it.
Oh, boy! Ha! Oh! [Sighs.]
Thank you.
And then, I couldn't get the zipper to go down, and then I was like, "Hey, Jeff, can you please help me with this?" Oh, hey, guys! Like the new coffee table? I just grabbed it from Savers for $20.
[Farts.]
[Chuckling.]
Doesn't it look great? But it's your great-grandma's table! Oh, what, that dumpy old thing? Yeah, [chuckles.]
I kept it 'cause it was Babci's.
But, you know, all the legs are all loose, and it's peeling.
So yeah, y y y you can toss it.
Well, guess that's the end of that chapter? Not quite, babe? [Doorbell rings.]
Fine! I'll get it! - Oh, what do you dorks want? - Hello, young man.
Are you in the market for a fine coffee table this evening? What? No.
Why would I want that? - Now, Chad! - Aah! - Oh, what the heck? - Sorry, little boy! - Clarence, hurry! - Get off of me! - Hunh! Got it! - Clarence, aah! I'm sorry, Belson.
See you tomorrow at school! I'll get you back, Clarence! Weirdo.
[Horn honks.]
What the heck? G-Get this out of here! I'm rich! [Horn honks.]
- Hey, man, you got to pay us.
- Ughhh! [Music.]
Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose