Cow and Chicken (1997) s03e25 Episode Script
Professor Longhorn Steer
1
Mama had a chicken. ♪
Mama had a cow. ♪
Dad was proud, he didn't care how. ♪
Cow! ♪
Chicken! ♪
Cow and Chicken! ♪
Want to play pin the tail on the country?
No. I do not wish to play that stupid game!
Come on!
No.
Please?
All right!
Great!
Oh, this is so exciting!
Oh, I am going to pin it on Paraguay.
Paraguay is so romantic.
Pin the tail on the country!
What's this?
Oh, it is a globe of the big round world,
pa-pa!
What?
Kids, the world is not round like that.
It is not?
No, it's not!
It's as flat as a pancake.
Hey, we always thought
the world was round.
Now, that is just the kind of ignorant thinking
that's going to get you sailing
right off the edge of the world
into oblivion, Chicken!
Say!
You know,
your brother might teach our kids.
You mean Professor Longhorn Steer?
Yeah! Maybe he could tutor
Cow and Chicken to be smart!
Steer clear cause your steer steer is here!
Now, where are the little dullards?
Oh, right here, sir.
Well, well, my favorite niece and nephew!
Cow and, the duck.
Hey, Longhorn! Long time no see!
What do you mean?
I see just fine!
No. I mean,
we haven't seen you in a while.
I'm sorry, Dad. Been kinda stressed lately.
You know, bein' a professor and all.
Time for school!
Hey, what kind of bull is he?
He's no professor. He's just a steer.
I am a longhorn steer.
And there is no shame in that.
And, I am a professor.
Just looky my briefcase.
Told ya!
Enough formalities.
Take your seats, please!
Today, I'm going to teach you the crud
you're gonna need to know.
This is a rubber hose.
I'm gonna teach you how to cut it
just the right length for siphoning.
Si-phonin' what?
Oh, just about anything.
Math class!
These are, special math cubes.
Seven is good if it comes up first.
But later, it is bad.
Hey, what say we take our first field trip?
Science class!
Take a penny and flip it against the wall.
What does this teach us?
It teaches you to toss
a penny against the wall.
What are you, stupid?
Now, I'm gonna teach you guys
how to find hubcaps and start a collection.
Hey, I found another one!
This'll be worth some dough.
Hey, Steer?
You're under arrest.
Class dismissed.
You know why I'm startin' to think
that Professor Longhorn
ain't really a professor?
And what is up with him
sneakin' out every night?
There he goes again!
Quick! We's followin'!
Look! There he is!
Why is this happening to me?
Stampede!
He's stampeding all by his-self.
That's sad. Really.
Stampede!
Professor?
Why is one so educated as yourself
out here stampeding all alone at night?
That does not seem
like 'Professor behavior' to me.
All right, all right! I'll come clean!
I'm not really a professor!
But I am a longhorn. And a steer.
I've never held a job.
All my friends are all married
and have kids.
But not the longhorn!
Oh, no! Not the steer!
You could use your natural talent
to stampede!
Who in their right mind could use that?
What's wrong, Cowboy?
My cattle won't stampede!
They just sit there!
They won't even move!
So I'm drownin' my sorrows in milk.
Bartender, hit me again!
You've had enough, Cowboy.
Besides, your credit's no good
and this here weenie's broken!
Here, Cowboy! On the house.
Also, there is a steer
I would love you to meet.
Some of you may not like me
because I am hard!
But before you leave here,
you will know how to stampede!
Do you figure skaters understand that?
All right! Let's do it right this time!
Now looky there, kids!
Now that's a real stampede!
I am so proud.
Yee-ha! We did it, Hoss!
Would I "steer" you wrong?
Well, kids, since Professor Longhorn Steer
is in Texas now,
looks like your Mom and I
will have to finish your education!
First off, geography!
Oh, that's right, kiddies.
Listening to your parents is very important.
Because they're older and know stuff.
Dinner's ready, Red!
All right, who were you talking to in there?
You talkin' to yourself?
Leave me alone, mother!
You're not the boss of me!
Red! Come out and eat your gruel!
My mommy!
Oh, she's had so many face lifts,
that when she smiles, her toes wiggle.
I heard that. Forget the gruel.
Get out here and fight me man to man!
As I was saying, listen to your parents.
Red?
Shut up! Shut up!
Mama had a chicken. ♪
Mama had a cow. ♪
Dad was proud, he didn't care how. ♪
Cow! ♪
Chicken! ♪
Cow and Chicken! ♪
Want to play pin the tail on the country?
No. I do not wish to play that stupid game!
Come on!
No.
Please?
All right!
Great!
Oh, this is so exciting!
Oh, I am going to pin it on Paraguay.
Paraguay is so romantic.
Pin the tail on the country!
What's this?
Oh, it is a globe of the big round world,
pa-pa!
What?
Kids, the world is not round like that.
It is not?
No, it's not!
It's as flat as a pancake.
Hey, we always thought
the world was round.
Now, that is just the kind of ignorant thinking
that's going to get you sailing
right off the edge of the world
into oblivion, Chicken!
Say!
You know,
your brother might teach our kids.
You mean Professor Longhorn Steer?
Yeah! Maybe he could tutor
Cow and Chicken to be smart!
Steer clear cause your steer steer is here!
Now, where are the little dullards?
Oh, right here, sir.
Well, well, my favorite niece and nephew!
Cow and, the duck.
Hey, Longhorn! Long time no see!
What do you mean?
I see just fine!
No. I mean,
we haven't seen you in a while.
I'm sorry, Dad. Been kinda stressed lately.
You know, bein' a professor and all.
Time for school!
Hey, what kind of bull is he?
He's no professor. He's just a steer.
I am a longhorn steer.
And there is no shame in that.
And, I am a professor.
Just looky my briefcase.
Told ya!
Enough formalities.
Take your seats, please!
Today, I'm going to teach you the crud
you're gonna need to know.
This is a rubber hose.
I'm gonna teach you how to cut it
just the right length for siphoning.
Si-phonin' what?
Oh, just about anything.
Math class!
These are, special math cubes.
Seven is good if it comes up first.
But later, it is bad.
Hey, what say we take our first field trip?
Science class!
Take a penny and flip it against the wall.
What does this teach us?
It teaches you to toss
a penny against the wall.
What are you, stupid?
Now, I'm gonna teach you guys
how to find hubcaps and start a collection.
Hey, I found another one!
This'll be worth some dough.
Hey, Steer?
You're under arrest.
Class dismissed.
You know why I'm startin' to think
that Professor Longhorn
ain't really a professor?
And what is up with him
sneakin' out every night?
There he goes again!
Quick! We's followin'!
Look! There he is!
Why is this happening to me?
Stampede!
He's stampeding all by his-self.
That's sad. Really.
Stampede!
Professor?
Why is one so educated as yourself
out here stampeding all alone at night?
That does not seem
like 'Professor behavior' to me.
All right, all right! I'll come clean!
I'm not really a professor!
But I am a longhorn. And a steer.
I've never held a job.
All my friends are all married
and have kids.
But not the longhorn!
Oh, no! Not the steer!
You could use your natural talent
to stampede!
Who in their right mind could use that?
What's wrong, Cowboy?
My cattle won't stampede!
They just sit there!
They won't even move!
So I'm drownin' my sorrows in milk.
Bartender, hit me again!
You've had enough, Cowboy.
Besides, your credit's no good
and this here weenie's broken!
Here, Cowboy! On the house.
Also, there is a steer
I would love you to meet.
Some of you may not like me
because I am hard!
But before you leave here,
you will know how to stampede!
Do you figure skaters understand that?
All right! Let's do it right this time!
Now looky there, kids!
Now that's a real stampede!
I am so proud.
Yee-ha! We did it, Hoss!
Would I "steer" you wrong?
Well, kids, since Professor Longhorn Steer
is in Texas now,
looks like your Mom and I
will have to finish your education!
First off, geography!
Oh, that's right, kiddies.
Listening to your parents is very important.
Because they're older and know stuff.
Dinner's ready, Red!
All right, who were you talking to in there?
You talkin' to yourself?
Leave me alone, mother!
You're not the boss of me!
Red! Come out and eat your gruel!
My mommy!
Oh, she's had so many face lifts,
that when she smiles, her toes wiggle.
I heard that. Forget the gruel.
Get out here and fight me man to man!
As I was saying, listen to your parents.
Red?
Shut up! Shut up!