George Lopez (2002) s03e25 Episode Script

- Church is a holy place.
- So is Las Vegas.
Hey, you two.
- How are the wedding plans coming? - They would be going great if Randy would just shut up and let me make the decisions.
She's trying to make all the decisions, and not just the wedding.
Why won't you even talk about kids? We could adopt.
You want a kid? Okay.
Fine.
Oh, look, it's a boy.
And when you hold him, remember to support that head because you don't want that thing to snap off and fall on your foot.
Okay, what is the problem with the wedding? Oh, he wants to have a big, fancy ceremony and I just wanna do it in a courthouse.
But not the Van Nuys Courthouse.
There's a judge there who thinks I'm in a wheelchair.
Benny, if I'm only gonna do this once, I wanna do it right.
I had my heart set on a proper church wedding with a pastor, and a fiddle band, and my beloved dressed in white.
You know, it's a little late for me to be wearing white.
It was almost too late for me to wear white to my own confirmation.
Grandma, you should have a big wedding.
That's what I'm gonna do.
It's gonna be on a cliff overlooking the ocean at sunset.
And as soon as I say, "I do," a hundred white doves are gonna go flying into the air.
No.
Your wedding's gonna be in the backyard.
And the only thing flying is gonna be Aunt Sylvia.
All drunk, she's gonna come from the bathroom with her dress tucked in her pantyhose.
"Lookit, everyone's looking at me.
I still got it.
They're jealous.
" Babe, I can only compromise so much.
I mean, you gotta give me something here.
Yeah, Mom, give him something.
This guy loves you.
He's willing to spend the rest of his life with you.
He's seen you in the morning, Mom, and he's still here.
Honor that.
If anybody makes fun of what I'm about to say they're gonna be picking up their teeth from the floor.
Randy, you know, I don't feel comfortable showing my emotions in front of people.
But if you need for me to say, "I love you," in front of the whole world then you can just invite the whole world because I want you to be happy.
Aww I warned you, sister.
You may be hard and crunchy on the outside but I love your sweet, nougatty center.
You know, a real wedding means someone needs a real bridal shower.
Forget the shower.
Hey, if Randy is gonna have a bachelor party I want a bachelorette party.
If something's gonna be shaking in his face, I want something shaking in mine.
You're a lucky, lucky man.
Listen, about the bachelor party, George, I don't want one like Benny's.
Keep it clean, okay? I don't like having my car started if I'm not gonna drive it anywhere.
Oh, I think it's so sweet that Randy wants a clean bachelor party.
Are you kidding? When a guy says he wants a clean bachelor party it's your duty to make it as wild and as nasty as possible.
- Uhn! - How wild and nasty are we talking? - Come on, it's not for me, it's for Randy.
- Oh.
You're the only one who starts my car, baby.
And sometimes I start it when you're out of town to make sure it's still running.
So your mom's really tying the knot, huh? Where is she registered, the Museum of Natural History? That's a horrible thing to say, Gina.
Oh, but that's gonna get a huge laugh at the reception.
- Coming to Randy's bachelor party? - Oh, I don't know, George.
Those things are usually crude and disgusting.
If they're planned right.
Well, don't get your hopes up.
Randy's serious about me keeping it clean.
Well, then you gotta make it funny.
Get him, like, an old lady stripper, you know, as a joke.
That's a joke he's gonna see every night with my mom.
But you know what? I like it.
We gotta find an older woman willing to take her clothes off.
I'll do it.
I don't know, Gina.
Are you sure you want the guys from work to see you that way? Hey, I work out two hours a day.
I do yoga.
I didn't spend 7 grand on laser surgery not to trot it out every once in a while.
I don't know.
I'm your manager.
Aren't we crossing some kind of line here? Oh, look, if it makes you feel more comfortable I'll do boots, bikini and pasties.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
I'll call you with the details.
Hey, George.
Look who's finally out of the hospital.
Hey, Accident Amy.
Look, somebody's hair grew back during the coma.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I just wish I could see it.
That accident left me a little blind.
Man.
How bad is it? Well, I know you're waving your hands in front of my face.
So you can see movement.
No, no, everyone does this when you tell them you're blind.
I'm so sorry, Amy, l No, it's okay.
Doctors aren't sure it's permanent.
They said the next 20 years are just really crucial.
Look, Amy, I want you to know that we don't abandon our own around here.
If you need someone to read you the want ads out loud Hey, hey, hey, just because I'm blind doesn't mean I can't do my old job, okay? All I did while I was in rehab was visualize working on my machine.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some airplane parts to make.
Whew.
Yeah.
Okay.
Who put the bubble wrap on my machine, huh? No, it's me, Ernie.
All right, everybody, back to work.
Amy, why don't we talk about yourjob in my office, okay? Okay, well, let me just put my backpack back in my locker.
Randy.
Randy? Randy, can you? Can you help me back to my locker? - How did you know I was here? - Well, since I lost my sight my senses have been kind of heightened.
I smell your chewing tobacco again.
And someone in here is wearing way too much cologne.
How have you been? Good.
Sorry about your accident.
I'm sorry about what happened before the accident.
Randy, I never should have broken up with you.
- Amy.
- Yes.
Uh That was a long time ago.
I thought about you all the time.
I tried to call, but I kept picking up the defibrillator shocking myself in the head.
It was - Amy.
- Yes? I'm sorry, but it's over.
But I don't want it to be over.
I still love you, Randall McGee.
Hey, George, about the bachelor party I need 80 bucks to pay for the cake I'm coming out of.
- A cake? Isn't that a little old-fashioned? - Oh, trust me.
Once I pop out of that cake, it's gonna be boom, shaka-shaka, boom, shaka-shaka, boom.
Ew.
Okay.
Do the cake, all right? But remember, Randy's a nice guy.
So nothing too extreme.
So no toys.
No.
No.
Ooh.
There's that cologne again.
- Okay, look, what the hell was that? - George, I can explain.
Don't blame him.
It's all my fault.
George.
Hey.
Can I cut out early to go to my bachelorette party? Okay, Mom.
Hey, but don't do anything you're gonna regret, okay? You're about to enter a sacred bond based on trust.
Oh.
Well, I was just gonna put a few singles in a fireman's G-string, but okay.
Hey, Benny, I didn't know you're getting married.
Yeah, I got myself a keeper.
Okay, who'd she swat? Who'd she swat? Uh Ahem.
I didn't get a chance to tell you.
Me and Benny are engaged.
Why would she care? I didn't get a chance to tell you.
Amy and I used to date.
So congratulate us, Amy.
Yeah.
Congratulations.
Okay, well, um I gotta get back to work.
Ooh.
Okay.
Door.
Okay.
How come you never told me about her? Because I didn't want you getting jealous over something that was ancient history.
I mean, come on, be fair.
Have you told me about your exes? I told you about the hitchhiker.
What hitchhiker? All right, I can't stand here jabbering all day.
I got a party to go to.
Are we good here? You know, I don't know.
Didn't look ancient history when you're making out with Amy.
George, I swear to God, Amy is my past and Benny is my future.
I'm marrying your mom.
Well, just remember, the last guy who hurt my mom is dead.
I know your dad died of kidney disease, George.
Did he? Or am I just that good? I need that for your grandma's bachelorette party.
If there's any left, I'll give it back.
Oh, George.
Your mom's party is gonna be great.
We're gonna make her a wedding dress out of toilet paper.
And then we're gonna play this game where we pretend to be a first lady and everyone has to guess who you are.
Here.
Guess who I am.
Angie, I got a problem.
I caught Amy and Randy kissing today.
What? - Does your mom know? - No.
Randy says they used to date, and she kissed him and he swears there's nothing going on.
- Well, what kind of kiss was it? You ever see my mom eat spareribs? But did he pull away? Not until he saw me.
I can't believe Randy would do this to your mom.
You gotta tell her.
Okay.
Who am I? I'm an angry short woman who just killed her fiancé because her son told her about a kiss that might have been innocent.
Okay.
Who am I? I'm a bitter old woman trapped in a loveless marriage because no one ever told me my husband still had feelings for someone else.
Hillary Clinton.
We're not playing the game.
- This is your mother's life.
- Look, you don't think I know that? I'm the one that talked her into taking a chance.
George, he didn't pull away.
A long kiss means something.
- Not necessarily.
- Oh.
You see? Nothing.
Oh.
Heh.
Some more bath gel.
You ladies really know me.
When is the entertainment coming? Beef kebob? Finally.
Ha.
Let's get this party started.
Why, yes, I would like a beef kebob.
Ma'am, I've told you for the last hour, I'm just a waiter here.
I'm the waiter.
I'm waiting for those pants to come off.
Let's go.
Let's see it.
Come on.
Hey.
Benny.
- What? - You're getting married.
So? Oh, you know, Randy doesn't care if I have a little fun.
We trust each other.
- He tells you everything? - Yup.
So you know about Amy? Oh, yeah.
It is what it is.
It happened, it's over.
Wow.
Your fiancé kisses his ex-girlfriend and you just let it go? You've really grown, Benny.
What are you talking about? Oh, God, George is gonna kill me.
Not if you're dead already.
Talk.
Guys, what's going on? - Hey.
- Hey, Jack.
Glad you could make it, man.
Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this.
Happy birthday, son.
This is my bachelor party.
No.
Boss doesn't go to an employee's bachelor party.
Wouldn't be appropriate.
Boy, does the boss love him a down and dirty birthday party.
Let's get this show on the road.
Gentlemen, it is time for the main event.
Boys, our featured entertainer has been bumping and grinding since the Cuban missile crisis.
Joe, trust me, you might wanna leave those dirty.
She's not what you'd expect, but let's give her a round of applause.
Please welcome to the stage, the lovely Gina La Cuchina.
Yeah.
Okay, this might be a blessing in disguise.
Amy, what are you doing? I am here to win back the man that I love.
What are you thinking? This is the bachelor party for the guy who's gonna marry my mom.
You shouldn't be here.
Ernie, take her home.
But I'm gonna miss the show.
It's Gina.
- Oh, well, that's true.
Amy, let's go.
- No.
No.
Randy is making a big mistake marrying Benny.
Look, we know that, all right? But he loves her and it's his choice, so let it go.
No.
I can't! Randy, are you in here? Yeah, I'm here.
Randy.
Look at me.
Look at me.
I'm wearing the same red dress I wore the first moment you ever told me you loved me.
You can't give up all the things you wanted when we were together.
You said you wanted family, you wanted children.
I'm ready to give that to you now.
Is Benny? You said you wanted to grow old together.
Do you really want somebody with that much of a head start, Randy? Amy it's Benny.
The next sound you hear will be me hitting you with a waffle iron! - No! Mom, back off! Amy's leaving.
Not unless Randy tells me to.
Tell her, Randy.
Randy, tell her you're marrying my mom.
I do want kids.
Benny, I love you but I need some time to think.
Take all the time you want.
Take a chance on the guy.
Right.
Come on, Amy, I'll take you home.
Oh, Randy come over whenever you're ready.
Oh, and if the lights aren't on, that doesn't mean I'm not home.
I might just be reading.
Mad that I told her about the kiss? No.
It's better that she found out now.
What are you gonna say to her? Well, I'm gonna tell her that she'll find somebody else.
I mean, Randy can't be the only guy interested in a cranky, 50-something chain-smoking factory wor - You know what? I'm gonna lie.
- Yeah.
How are you doing? Never better.
You know, you were right.
Randy is ajerk, Mom.
But that doesn't mean that there's not somebody else out there for you.
They all turn out to be jerks.
I didn't learn one damn thing when your father walked out on me.
You are the only man in my life who hasn't totally disappointed me.
Really? Don't get me wrong.
You got your faults.
I mean, you're stubborn, you spoil your kids you spend way too much fricking time on your hair and you let your wife lead you around like a mutt who's had his junk yanked.
- All right! - And you I'm glad you're feeling better, Mom.
Good night.
You know, if it would help, I'd go sit in a playpen with a diaper on and you could yell, "This is all your fault.
I hate you.
" That's funny.
You thought that old aquarium was a playpen.
- Heck of a party last night, George.
- Well, I'm glad you had fun.
Oh, I had fun, all right.
I took the party home with me.
I met a lady.
Congratulations.
I don't need to hear any more.
Yeah.
I had a lot to drink.
I don't remember all the details like her name or what she looked like or why there's a clump of hair missing from my back.
Please stop.
You left this in my car stallion.