Hannah Montana s03e25 Episode Script

Whoo, doggies! I do love it when Hannah plays the state fair.
Good food, good people, and, man, when you walk through those livestock exhibits, the fresh aroma of manure in the morning.
Oh, Lord, I can still smell it.
That would be my shoe, Daddy.
Normally, I'd hate it, but that guy at security did wave me through quickly.
Bye-bye.
- Hi-hi.
- Here-here.
Help-help.
Hi, birthday girl, what's up? Well, I'm down here at the beach where Oliver planned a picnic, and then a romantic sunset walk by the water, and then any chick flick I want, even one where Orlando Bloom falls in love with the mermaid and then sells his soul for gills and a flipper.
Sounds like the perfect day.
I know! And it would be if he wasn't sick.
Are you sure he's not faking it? I mean, some guys'll do anything to get out of a fishy chick flick.
No, he's definitely sick.
You should of heard him on the phone.
"Oh, Lilly, I'm so sorry.
" He's so cute! Yeah.
Because it's your birthday, I'm gonna let that one go.
But don't worry, I'll be home in a couple of hours.
So until then, go to my house, watch some TV and help yourself to Daddy's private stash of fudgy buddies.
What? She's not family.
And when I get back, we'll do whatever you like.
Oh, really? Thanks.
I'm feeling better already.
Hey, man! What was that? It was nothing.
Don't worry about it.
Hurry! Don't worry.
Nothing is gonna keep me from being with you on your birthday.
Attention, passengers.
Due to mechanical difficulties, flight 64 to Los Angeles has been cancelled.
Mousy-voiced ticket-sale lady say what? - I said, "Attention, pass - I heard what you said! You get the limo out front.
Hottest styles, every shoe,every color.
Yea when your famous it can be kinda fun.
It's really you but no one ever discovers.
Who would've thought that a girl like me Would double as a superstar? You get the best of both worlds.
Chill it out, take it slow, then you rock out the show.
You get the best of both worlds.
Mix it all together and you know that It's the best of both worlds.
Hannah Montana S03E25 Can't Get Home to You, Girl Whoa whoa whoa! Calm down, people.
Give the woman a break.
I'm sure she's gonna get us out of here just as soon as she can.
Yeah.
My dad is right.
We're all in this together.
But if there's only one seat, I can, uh, ditch the big guy.
'Nuff said.
Attention, passengers.
The only other flight to L.
A.
tonight is out of Tucson.
So if you can please proceed to a cab stand in an orderly fashion You could've at least told us first.
Well, you could've at least given me more than a 20.
Now we're never gonna get a cab.
This is gonna be Lilly's worst birthday ever.
Honey, I know you're upset, but there's nothing we can do about it.
Even though I do know what you're thinking.
What am I thinking? Well you're thinking if you get dressed up as you-know-who and probably sign a few you-know-whats, these people gonna let us jump to the front of the you-know-where.
But you always said using you-know-who for you-know-what is unfair.
And it is.
But you're 16 now.
You're old enough to start making your own decisions.
So, what're you saying, daddy? I'm sayin' the wig's in the bottom and the glove's in the zipper pocket.
Now get.
Hey, everybody, look! It's Hannah Montana! I bet if we let her to the front of the line, she'll sign some autographs for our kids.
What kind of parents are you? Well looks like there's no way we're gonna make it in Tucson in time to catch that flight.
This is gonna break Lilly's heart.
Be gentle when you tell her.
You want me to call your friend? No problem.
You know what? I'll start out with a joke.
Knock knock.
Who's there? Not us.
You are a cold, cold daddy.
Excuse me, folks.
Name's Dewey Pickens.
I'm a huge fan.
Could I trouble you for one quick picture? Sure, looks like we got plenty of time.
- Oh, great.
Take it.
- Hey! Here you go.
The mullet man himself, Mr.
Achy Breaky Robby Ray.
- Let's do it! Whoo! - Be sure to get my good side.
Whoo, OK! Shaking hands! OK, I'll shake your hand.
I love it! All right! That's gonna be one sweet customized refrigerator magnet.
Yep.
A memory that sticks.
Let's go, Dad.
Hey, wait.
I couldn't help but overhear your predicament.
And I would love to give you a ride to Tucson.
OK! Wait.
You mean me, too, right? Sure! I got plenty of room! Let's go! Come on! Everybody, look! It's Robby Ray, man! Look who I got! Robby Ray! Bye, y'all! I'm with Robby! And that girl! Come on! I want my mullet back I want my mullet back My old Camaro and my eight-track Fuzzy dice hanging loose and proud ZZ Top They're playing loud I have not had pickled eggs this good since I don't remember when.
Sure you don't want one, baby girl? More sure than I've been of anything in my entire life.
- Eat it! - No! Is your head all stuffy-wuffy? Oh, does you have a temperature? Oh, my poor Ollie-pop.
No, I understand.
I do.
No, really, I do.
No, no, really, I understand I do.
Oh! I love Hey, Oliver, you know what'll make you feel better, buddy? Chicken soup.
You know what'll make me feel better? This.
Give me back my phone.
Not until you give me back the last two hours of my life.
Now, I don't mean to be a bad host but get out! OK! No, all right? Miley said I could stay here until she gets here, which should be any minute! Gimme me back my phone! - No! No! - Jackson! Jackson! Be my guest.
See, this is the old college mind working.
You're brilliant.
You are so brilliant.
Hang on one sec.
You sure you don't wanna stop and see some sights along the way? You can carve your own toilet seat at Captain Hiney's Whittle Me Mine.
Oh, shoot, it's the weekend.
There'll be a line.
- Oh, darn! Maybe next trip.
- All right.
Yes, Ethel, I would love another piece of pie.
Oh, man.
A pie dream.
I wish I was sleepin'.
And I wish you didn't have turkey-jerky-cheese breath.
Hey, Lilly, how's it going? Your piggy brother is driving me crazy! Ew! That's how it's going.
Are you in the limo yet? Not exactly.
We've had a small problem.
But you're definitely gonna be here, right? Definitely, absolutely, positively, I will be there.
OK.
- What happened? - We just blew a tire.
Oh, good.
I thought it was me.
But we do have a spare, right? I got a spare.
It's the one that just exploded, isn't it? Maybe.
Right.
We're never gonna make it to Tucson in time.
Don't you worry.
I got a hog in the back that'll get you there.
I am not riding to Tucson on a pig! Honey, I don't think that's the kind of hog the man's talking about! Yee-haw! Are you sure we're going the right way? Didn't Dewey say to turn back at the world's largest hubcap museum? I thought he said turn right at the world's tallest tinfoil tower.
- Better check the map.
- OK! Who didn't see that coming? Oh, great, now we're gonna get lost! We're never gonna make the plane in time.
The highlight of Lilly's big night is gonna be Jackson arm farting Happy Birthday to her.
Come on now, Bud.
You never know.
Your brother might just rise to the occasion.
Here we go.
Birthday girl first.
Oh, Jackson.
You made this a birthday I'll never forget.
Not yet, I haven't.
Now I have.
Jackson couldn't rise to the occasion if you stuffed him with yeast, rolled him in flour and baked him for an hour.
- There it is! - Ooh, the airport? No, the tinfoil tower.
I know exactly where we are now.
- Airport, here we come.
- Yee-haw! Whoo! Look at the size of that tower! Imagine all the leftover rib you could wrap in that thing.
- Are you sure we can't just stop for? - No! - Oh, come on.
Let me just - No! - I could set the timer.
- Daddy! OK, but I don't know what you're so worried about.
We're gonna make it with plenty of time to spare.
Unless we run out of gas.
Isn't this where you normally would say "sweet niblets?" Can't.
Swallowed a bug.
I ain't so sure about this place.
I think I've seen this exact porch in a horror film before.
The stranded family walks up, and then a wild-eyed lady in an apron opens the door and said Hi.
Oh, my stars! Look at that! I have a star on my own front porch.
Phew! She's a fan.
It's all right.
- Hey, how are you doing? - Robby Ray, in the flesh.
What is it with this state? I'm sorry, ma'am.
But we are in an awfully big hurry to get to the airport in Tucson.
Well, good luck.
The I-79's backed up worse than my shower drain after I shave my legs.
Course, they're real smooth now.
On second thought, the walk'll do us good.
Let's go, Daddy.
Honey, but you promised Lilly.
We gotta get to L.
A.
L.
A.
? Why didn't you say so? I can get you to L.
A.
Unless you have a plane in your backyard, we'll never make it in time.
You sure you don't wanna sit up here with me, Mr.
Hottie McYummy Pants? Oh, Norma! You sure do know how to make a good ol' boy blush.
And a grossed-out girl hurl.
Don't mind her, Norma.
She gets airsick real easy.
Yeah, that's it.
Switch with me! She's not gonna make it.
No, she's never gonna make it.
I bet she's gonna try real hard to make it, but something's gonna happen and then she's just not gonna make it and I'm stuck here with you on my birthday! Hey, I hear their car, they're back! I knew she'd make it! Hey, Miley! I'm so glad you made it! Hey, where'd? Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on Jackson! How could you? It's easy.
Look, I'll show you again.
Come on.
Right over here.
I say "Look, they're back!" And then you go, "Oh, Miley, Miley, you made it! You made it!" - No, no, no! - Just just go! Could I be stuck with anybody worse on my birthday? Hey-o! The answer is yes.
What do you want, Rico? A jet pack, Jessica Alba and a chance to play The Artful Dodger in the Broadway revival of Oliver! But that's not why I'm here.
I've got two court-side seats for the Lakers tonight, and guess who has two thumbs, a dumb haircut and is coming with me? This guy! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the catch? - There's no catch.
- Then why do you want me to go? 'Cause you're my buddy, my pal, the ying to my yang, the ping to my pong, the wind beneath my arms.
- You mean wings.
- I don't have wings, you yutz.
Anyway, enough best-friend banter.
Let's get in your car and go! Oh, I get it.
You don't have a ride.
Please.
I had a ride.
I just chose to go with you.
Who was your ride? My mom.
- What? - My mom! If you're done laughing at me, can we go now? Sure.
Let me get my stuff.
- What's with you? - It's my birthday and I'm all alone.
Aw.
All alone on your birthday, there's nothing worse than that.
Come on! We gotta beat the crowd, Jackson! Let's go! - Miley! Are you almost home? - Yeah.
I'm minutes away.
- How many? - A couple hundred.
- What? - Lilly, I promise I will be there.
No, it's fine.
It's fine.
You know, 'cause in a few hours, it won't be my birthday anymore.
But that's OK, 'cause in 12 months, I'll have another one.
Unless, of course, you're out of town and Oliver's sick and I'm all alone again! Oh, honey, you're not completely alone.
Jackson's there with you, right? Jackson's bailing on me.
He's going to the Laker game.
Oh, you don't know.
Maybe he'll change his mind.
Alright.
Gotta go.
Love you so much.
Peace out.
Bye.
Jackson, pick up, pick up, pick up.
If you look to your right, you'll see Hoover Dam.
And if you look to your left, you'll see an attractive single woman gazing at you adoringly.
How about that dam! Jackson, please do not leave Lilly alone on her birthday.
Be that caring and considerate person that I know you are deep down inside.
Laker game and a good laugh? What a night! Jackson, please, I Hello? Hello? Dang it! Yeah, rise to the occasion! He is a flake and he's never gonna change.
Hey, Norma.
Can you fly this plane any faster? Why would I do that? That'd mean less time with Robby Ray.
- Oh, sweet niblets.
Really? - Oh, yeah! I'm your biggest fan! I'm head over heels for you, Robby Ray.
Here.
Let me show you.
I'm gonna need some clean undies! So, uh, you're just gonna hang out here? I might as well.
I mean, here, home.
I'm alone wherever I am, but at least you guys have HD.
Well, all right, then.
Bye.
Happy, happy birthday May all your dreams come true Jackson! I knew you wouldn't leave me alone on my birthday! Actually, I forgot my wallet.
- OK.
Go Lakers.
- Go Lakers! Copy that, Santa Monica Airport.
Over and out.
There it is! There's Malibu! We're gonna make it! Yeah, too bad the tower didn't give us clearance to land for another three hours.
Three hours? Yep.
Probably should've called ahead.
My bad.
But we're right here! I can see my house! I don't make the rules! But we might as well make the best of it.
Child, why don't you shut your eyes and take a nap? Or we could just sing a song.
Or a bunch of songs.
Three hours worth of songs would be great.
But I can't wait three hours, I need to be right there right now! Look, little girl, the only way you're getting to Malibu is by strappin' on a parachute and jumpin'! Darlin', I'm not so sure about this.
I knew it.
You felt it, too.
Last one down's a pickled egg! Thanks, Norma! Look out below! Well, at least it was a low tide.
Yeah.
I tell ya, I haven't been that far off target since that experimental rap album I made.
Did you really think your audience would buy you as Eee Doggy Dogg? Could've been worse.
My agent wanted to call me Ludagrits.
Ludagrits.
Lilly? Lilly? Dang it! Jackson must've bailed on her.
Now she's probably wandering around Malibu like one of those sad, lost puppy in the sad, lost puppy movies.
Honey, you did all you could do.
One thing you couldn't do was counting on your brother.
Whoo! Lakers in triple-overtime! Best game ever! You miserable, selfish, heartless Wooo! Best birthday ever! surprisingly wonderful brother! Thank you.
Uh, well, I wasn't about to abandon her on her special day, like some people.
You don't get many compliments.
Just take it.
All right, fine.
Jackson talked Rico into getting an extra ticket.
Then he got me on the JumboTron and the arena sang Happy Birthday! Lilly, that's awesome.
- I know! - See, told you you could count on your brother.
Dad, you just said that he was a Wait right here.
I just jumped out of a plane for you.
You can give me this one.
You know what? Know what's funny? If you got home on time, we would've been stuck at home watching some lame movie about a guy with gills.
- How funny is that? - Ha! Hysterical.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
I'm a hillbilly rapper and I lay it down tight A country boy by day and I bust a rhyme by night I'm not afraid of critics I'm a man, not a mouse Say anything you want Eee Doggy Dogg in the house How's it going, son? You were rapping again, weren't you? What can I say? I was ahead of my time.
- And I'm new and improved now.
- How are you improved? I got the Eee Doggy dancers with me now.
I'm Dewey P.
I'm on the left I'm Norma G.
I'm on the right You put us all together We explode like dyno-mite - Boom! - You kids and your crazy music.
I'll never understand it.