Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s03e25 Episode Script

[Loki.]
Niffleheim Realm of Hela, queen of Asgard's fallen.
And, unfortunately, the location of the last sword fragment - we need to reforge Dragonfang.
- I'll take those, Loki.
Not that I don't trust you with them, but No.
Wait.
Just kidding.
I absolutely don't trust you with them.
So how come ancient Asgardian sword fragments ain't ever hidden someplace nice? We're not here to relax, Rocket.
The Serpent is using Asgard to absorb all life in the galaxy, and Dragonfang is the only weapon that can stop him.
So we smash in, grab the sword, and smash our way out.
[scoffs.]
One slight flaw in the green behemoth's plan no one has ever returned from Hela's realm alive.
We already lost Yondu.
I won't risk losing anyone else.
Why would Hela refuse to help? Is the Serpent not her enemy as well? I'm afraid it's not so simple.
Hela enchanted Dragonfang to help Odin defeat the Serpent, but it broke in the battle, and Odin banished Hela as punishment.
She hates all Asgardians now.
Fortunately, I have something no Asgardian, nor any of you possess charm.
I will convince Hela to join our cause.
Or, better yet, you can distract Hela while Iron Man tracks down the fragment and reforges the sword before she even knows it's missing.
So tell me, Peter Quill, how do you propose we escape the inescapable? By bringing along the best breakout artists in the galaxy.
- I am Groot? - Of course I mean us! Who else would I mean? [Hulk.]
And what are the rest of us supposed to do, twiddle our thumbs? [Quill.]
I don't know, Hulk.
Maybe smash anything that gets near the Bifrost.
[wind howling.]
[Gamora.]
Why couldn't we just Bifrost in? Hela would view any teleportation as an attack, Gamora.
Uh, hey, guys? What's that? [Drax.]
That would appear to be snow.
[Quill.]
No, Drax.
Under the snow.
[computer trilling.]
[Iron Man.]
It's an Asgardian transport.
[Rocket.]
Yes! - I am Groot? - Who cares why it crashed here? Can't be worse than trudging through all this krutackin' snow.
[Drax.]
Incorrect, Rocket.
It is much worse.
All right, guys.
Let's show this thing what happens when someone messes with the Guardians of the Galaxy! [Loki screams, grunts.]
Loki is not technically a Guardian.
- Do we still need to fight? - I'm gonna say yes! [both grunt.]
I need a manual jump.
Open the forward panel and push the green button.
Go! I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot.
[grunts.]
No way I get beat by calamari.
[yells, grunts.]
[screaming.]
[panting.]
[together.]
Hey, watch out! [Gamora grunts.]
I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot! Mm [Quill.]
Rocket! Go, go, go! - The green one, Groot! Green! - I am Groot! [beeps.]
[ascending whirring.]
[Quill.]
Thanks for getting us away from that creature.
Well, most of it.
Queen Hela, I humbly apologize for intruding on your domain.
Lower.
Knees.
[chuckles to himself.]
[quietly.]
Shall I trim your toenails whilst I'm down here? All are humbled before Hela.
And you must be desperate as well to come here, Loki Lie-Smith.
What do you imagine I would give the son of Odin other than my utter contempt? [Loki.]
This is beyond petty disputes, Hela.
Odin's brother has taken Asgard and everyone in it captive.
[Hela.]
And why should that concern me? I fought the Serpent once for Odin, and he repaid me with banishment.
[Loki.]
Odin was a fool.
How could I neglect such a powerful, enchanting ally? You flatter to deceive, Lie-Smith.
Scanner shows the sword fragment right behind this wall.
[clicks.]
[ascending mechanical whine.]
You wound me, Hela.
I would never seek to deceive one so clever as you.
[Rocket.]
Okay.
Not our best distraction.
Of course you would deceive me, Loki.
It is in your nature.
Meet my associates, the Guardians of the Galaxy and Iron Man.
They bring gifts the two missing chards of your enchanted sword, - Dragonfang.
- [Quill.]
Say what now? [Gamora.]
Loki, what are you doing? [Drax.]
He is removing the sword fragments from Iron Man's armor.
No, I'm improvising.
[Rocket.]
That a fancy word for double-crossing us? - I am Groot! - What use have I for mere fragments? I also bring you the mortal capable of reforging Dragonfang.
A gift from Asgard, with my most humble apologies for the ungrateful way Odin treated you.
All we require from you is the remaining fragment.
Hmm.
Is that all? [chuckles.]
Oh, and, you know, your permission to briefly, briefly borrow the sword for a small task.
- Okay, maybe it's not a double cross.
- Yet.
Forgive me if I find it difficult to believe this mortal capable of scratching his own nose, let alone reforging an enchanted sword.
I can totally scratch That's 'cause Junk Man here is just the tool kit.
I'm the brains behind this operation.
Intriguing.
Show me.
[Iron Man.]
Okay, I don't recall being consulted on the whole "brains, tool kit" arrangement.
[whirrs down.]
Uh, hello? Rocket, I c-can't move! And that's better for everyone, humie.
- Now let the master work.
- I swear, if you tell any of the other Avengers about this and listen to me I am gonna fire a repulsor in your tail so hard [laughs, sighs.]
To think a mere lapdog would be capable of accomplishing such a feat.
[whirrs.]
Back online.
One, don't call me "lapdog.
" That's worse than "rodent.
" Two, you're welcome.
You have our thanks, Hela.
Now, if you could just release us, we will happily take our leave.
Oh, I would, but freeing you would upset my other guest.
The Serpent? And I value his opinion far more than yours.
[Loki.]
You summoned the Serpent? No one summons me, trickster.
I come and go as I please.
You distracted me while your allies attempted to steal my sword fragment.
Nothing goes on inside my realm without my knowledge, Loki.
[Quill.]
Oh, so we were double-crossed, just not by Loki.
Yes.
That is called irony.
Is it not? Why are you siding with the Serpent? I do not have a side.
Hela, as always, stands alone.
Oh.
Then you won't mind if I do this? Actually, I do mind! - Foolish mortals! - Get back! - Easier said than done! - Not when you have the sword.
Okay, wasn't expecting bone spikes.
Aah! Ah.
Hela thanks you for your gift.
[Gamora.]
Iron Man, could really use some backup now.
I can't reach the others.
My comm's being jammed.
[Iron Man cries out.]
Pity you don't have the sword.
I trust these theatrics are over? I was beginning to think the great Hela could no longer keep her own house in order.
[Hela.]
Take your prize and leave me in peace, Serpent.
[Quill.]
Wait.
Him? Really? [grunts.]
[groaning.]
Of course.
Outside of myself, Loki is the only Asgardian still free.
My thanks, Hela.
Now, since there is no longer ill will between us, I trust you won't mind giving me the sword, Dragonfang, and the mortal who reforged it as well.
Actually, I would mind.
You'll get neither.
You dare to deny the All-Father?! This sword nearly killed both of us the last time I used it.
Shall we try it again? The sword is mine, and these mortals are mine so long as they amuse me.
But I understand how you might feel slighted.
Toward that end, my Fallen Warriors will escort you to your missing Bifrost chamber.
Consider it, and all inside, yours.
[Serpent.]
And the Man of Iron, lest you be tempted to have him forge more Dragonfangs - and challenge my rule.
- Very well.
- But I'm the one who did all the wor [muffled mutter.]
- I am Groot.
[Hela.]
But I warn you, Serpent.
[Loki, Iron Man groan.]
Intrude upon my realm again, and you will not find me nearly so agreeable.
My Avengers comm isn't working.
You're pushing it wrong, or your fat head is blocking the signal.
Watch your fat beak, Duck! [frustrated yell.]
- It must be broken or something! - It is now.
Seriously? You people are heroes on your planet? [Serpent, Iron Man groaning.]
Loki, where are Guardians? Dealing with Hela.
They need our help, now! Why Cosmo cannot read Loki's mind? [all grunt.]
[all groaning.]
Asgard, but not like I remember it.
[Howard grunts.]
This ain't good.
It also ain't over.
[roars.]
[straining.]
A noble struggle, green behemoth, but ultimately doomed to failure.
Smart play getting rid of the Serpent, Hela.
Now we can take the sword and sneak attack him while his guard's down.
That was the plan, right? Wheels within wheels? [laughs.]
I meant what I said, mortal.
The only reason I'm keeping you is that you amuse me.
Amuse this, lady! [ascending whirring.]
[grunts.]
[grunting.]
You do more than amuse me, lapdog.
You intrigue me.
Your friends, however, can rot in my dungeon [straining.]
for the remainder of their mortal lives, which won't be long, trust me.
I am Groot! Just so you know, I've broken out of every prison ever made.
You'll never keep me locked up in here.
That is precisely what I'm counting on.
Hey, stop poking.
Your hands are really cold.
Aah! [Gamora.]
Quill, they're Fallen Warriors.
- What did you expect? - Drax expects to escape.
The fools never took our weapons.
In my experience, if no one takes the time to disarm you, it's because they don't think it matters.
- Well [sighs.]
one way to find out.
- [Gamora.]
Wait! [all grunting.]
[Quill.]
Oh! Yeah! Okay! Yeah, this was a bad idea! [Groot screams.]
- I am Groot! - Okay, now we know.
[sighs.]
Huh? [electricity arcing.]
[mutters.]
[grunts.]
[yells, grunts.]
[straining.]
Frustrating, is it not? Believe me, I know the feeling.
[grunts, groans.]
Why? 'Cause Odin dumped you here? I am not simply banished.
When Dragonfang shattered, my power did as well, and Odin trapped it here within this chest.
And even with Dragonfang restored, I cannot open it myself.
I may rule this realm, but I cannot leave this room.
But, as you've said, you have broken out of every prison ever made.
Now you will break me out of mine.
Or would you and your friends rather join my army? So all I gotta do is open a box? Let me at it.
[Drax laughing.]
[weapon blow lands.]
[grunting.]
I am nearly through.
[grunting continues.]
- [Quill.]
Yeah, I'll hold my breath.
- I do not recommend that.
Breathing is essential.
- I am Groot.
- [sighs.]
Okay.
Groot, there's no way you can just pick the [clicks.]
I am Groot? [Groot yelling.]
Aah! [yells.]
This isn't right.
It shouldn't be this easy.
Normally, I'd agree with you, but Are you feeling all right? You look kind of pale.
I am Groot.
[Gamora.]
Uh, Quill, you're fading.
What? I'm not fading.
You're fading! Oh, man.
Oh, no.
I'm totally fading! Hela said the remainder of our immortal lives won't last long.
Her realm is draining our life energy.
No! Drax is hideously decrepit! [grunts.]
Dude, you look exactly the same.
Do not lie to comfort me, Quill.
I am ravaged by age! That's why they didn't disarm us.
Hela knew as soon as we tried to escape, our life force would start fading.
Some faster than others.
Still, we better get out before we start looking like those guys.
[Hela.]
Work faster, lapdog.
Yeah, that's right.
Threaten me.
That'll really speed things up.
[slowly.]
Work faster.
[grunting.]
Cold? I'll show you cold! [grunting.]
[grunts.]
It's not just cold.
I feel old.
[straining.]
Aahh! [weak grunt.]
I am Groot.
Then we better get to Rocket before I break a hip.
Whoa! [grumbling.]
[frustrated grunt.]
The only way to get this thing open is to break that flange.
But it's pure uru.
Nothing but an Asgardian weapon can do it.
How can I have any faith that you're telling the truth? Fine.
I got something better than Asgardian weapons.
[beeping.]
[devices beeping.]
Ugh! Enough of these foolish fireworks! Do it, now.
Huh.
Stand back.
This is a delicate operation.
[yelling.]
[rumbling.]
Yes! The power is mine once more! [gasps.]
I am free, and I will march on Asgard with an army so large all Nine Realms will tremble! And that arrogant snake will learn that no one no one stops Hela! [laughs.]
Well, except me.
[lid thuds shut.]
Heh.
That was for keeping me from my blaster.
See how you like it when I keep you from your sword.
Ugh! Then I'll just have to make do with this one! [grunting.]
Works pretty good.
Thanks.
[beeping.]
[all panting.]
That was a lot of stairs.
You guys don't look so good.
Not that I care.
Just move! [grunts, pants.]
You may be out of my reach, lapdog, but not out of my grasp! Lady, looks like I'm out of both from where I'm standing.
Less taunting, more running.
[panting.]
Or at least fast walking.
At last, my youthful vigor and color is restored! You still look exactly the same! No Bifrost, no backup.
Guess that hunk of junk will have to do.
This rig ain't meant for spaceflight.
I gotta juice the engines just to break orbit.
[grunts.]
[ascending whirring.]
None shall escape Hela's realm.
Uh, Rocket, I'm starting to get what she meant by that whole "not out of my grasp" thing.
[yells.]
[thud.]
[yells.]
I am Groot! [grunts, growls.]
[Rocket laughs.]
I can make anything fly! [descending motor whirring.]
Okay.
I didn't say for how long.
What am I supposed to do now, get out and push? [air hissing.]
[Gamora.]
Better push fast.
We're running out of oxygen.
[Drax.]
Now I would recommend holding your breath.