That '70s Show s03e25 Episode Script

Hey, whatcha doin'? Just countin' my secret stash.
- I'm gettin' something special for Donna.
- Something special, huh? Oh, is it firecrackers? No.
No, no, 'cause if it's somethin' that blows up, I'll go halfsies.
It's a promise ring.
'Cause, you know, Donna and I have been fighting a lot lately.
Forman, you get mushy with Donna she's gonna see the secret girl inside the man.
Now, trust me, you don't want to let Erica out.
Erica.
That's a good burn.
You can't do that with Michael.
I'm lucky.
Oh, really, Michelle? Oh, I forgot about Michelle.
Look, Hyde obviously doesn't understand mature relationships but I do.
And a promise ring is not only a gift from the heart but it also means more sex and less mouthing off.
I'm gettin' one for Jackie too! Great.
Let's go.
All right.
See you later, Hyde-a alicia.
What's a good girlie name for Hyde? Uh, Hyde drangea? It's Heidi, you morons! Heidi! Okay, is it me, or is this not a ring store? Will you trust me? I know a guy who knows a guy.
He'll be here any minute.
Hey, dudes.
Leo's the guy? Kelso, I thought you knew a guy who knew a guy.
Yeah, I do.
But I know Leo.
Fine, so you're the guy! So, Leo, you sell promise rings? Promise rings, concert T's other stuff.
- Really? - That's nice.
Yeah.
Okay, we'll take two rings and a misdemeanor's worth of the other stuff.
Ah, the ring of love.
Just holding it makes me feel mellow and content.
Actually, that might not be the ring.
Why is everybody but Fez in love? If I don't get some romance soon, I'm going to give myself a blister.
Well, another blister.
Tell you what, Fez.
I'm going to take you cruising for chicks in the El Camino.
And I'm gonna let you buy the gas and buy my dinner.
And if we meet a chick I'm gonna let you walk home.
Guys, what if Jackie doesn't want a ring from a guy like me? I mean, sure, I'm good lookin', but I can't be trusted.
No, you guys are the perfect couple.
You do the bad stuff, and she tries to catch you.
She's Smokey to your Bandit.
God, it's like that movie applies to everything! I just I wish there was a way I could give Jackie a thing that wasn't actually the ring.
You know, like a a test gift just to see what she would say.
And then if it went bad, I could just walk away.
Hey, am I talking in rhyme? I wish I could do that all the time.
Oh! Oh, man! That was fun, huh? It was a good movie.
It was one of those love movies like you like, huh? And who took ya? This guy.
- Yeah, it was great.
- You know what else this guy did for ya? Got you a present.
"To Donna.
Love, This Guy.
" Yeah.
That's me.
Oh, my God! It's a promise ring.
Eric, it's it's beautiful.
I'm so glad you like it.
'Cause look - even though things have been a little weird lately - Oh! Look how cute on the car! Here, look what Eric got me! Oh, my! Red, go get the camera.
- Kitty - Mom, I Go! It's in the drawer near the cheese grater.
Mom No.
Hush.
Donna, now make the face you made when Eric gave you the ring.
Oh, now, see, I don't think you rolled your eyes! Kitty I cut myself on the cheese grater.
Oh, now you get back here and smile, damn it! Can you believe it? - Isn't it pretty? - Yeah.
I really need to introduce you to my good friend nail polish.
And a promise ring is sacred, Donna.
- Why aren't you wearing it on your left ring finger? - I don't know.
'Cause I like it on this finger.
What's the difference? Donna, if you don't wear your promise ring on your left ring finger it totally cancels out the promise that you will be together forever.
Wait.
That's what I promised? Hey, ladies.
Oh, nice ring, Donna.
Jackie, let me see yours.
- I don't have one.
- Oh, no, of course not.
Because Kelso has not given you one yet.
I mean, ever.
I mean Look away.
Donna, did you hear that? Michael's giving me a promise ring.
- Yeah, that's great.
- I wonder how he's gonna give it to me.
I hope he hides it in food.
I told him if he ever gives me something nice he should put it in food.
It's classy.
All right, man, be cool.
These chicks are checking us out.
Cool, gotcha.
Hello, ladies! No, man, that's not how you do it.
You gotta be aloof.
Did you just call me a "loof"? Because if so, I'll have to kick you in your 'nads.
No, man.
Aloof.
Distant.
Zen.
Well, that's not what loof means in my language.
Look, I don't care what you think it means, that's what it means here.
You're the loof.
- Fez, it's not - I said loof! Hey, sweetie.
I got you something.
It's a gift.
A token of my love.
- Do you accept it? - A sundae? Oh.
Yeah.
Mmm! Michael, this is good.
Uh You could, uh Uh, y-you could close your mouth if you if you wanted.
What the hell, Michael? This is ice cream.
Stupid ice cream? No, it's stupid ice cream of love.
Oh, there you are.
The movie's about to start.
Come on.
We're - Where's your ring? - Oh, I put it on a chain so I could wear it around my neck.
Burn! Oh, super burn.
The wedding's off! Kelso, shut up! Yeah, Michael, you don't know anything about anything.
I do too! Now I don't know which fight's the funniest.
Wait, fight? We're Okay, I'll be right back.
Donna, why aren't you wearing the ring on your hand? I don't know.
I didn't think it was a big deal.
That is not true! I told you.
I told her it was a big deal.
Look, Eric, why don't we talk about this later? Well, I You know, there's not really anything to talk about.
Unless you don't wanna wear the ring.
Ouch! Sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's great.
The ring is great.
See? - It's great.
- So we're good? Yeah, fine.
Okay, good.
It's my God-given right as a mother! Oh, Mrs.
Forman, that is a wonderful picture.
You can really see how unhappy Donna is.
Okay, all I know is when Donna said she was fine, she didn't seem that fine.
Eric has never been good at knowing when fine isn't fine.
It runs in the family.
Oh, it does not.
- Fine.
- Okay, good.
I don't know.
She doesn't look that unhappy.
She kinda looks like you.
I'm unhappy, Bob.
I'm just so worried about Eric and Donna.
Ah, fine.
Welcome to Let's Make A Deal! All right, Donna, which is it going to be your future behind door number one, door number two or door number three? Oh, my God! I don't know! Um - Okay.
- Yeah? - Door number three.
- Door number three.
All right, let's take a look at what you didn't choose behind door number one! It's a leather jacket and a typewriter which you could have used when you became a globe-trotting rock-and-roll journalist.
Wow, that would've been nice.
Yeah, too bad.
All right, let's take a look at what was behind door number two.
The U.
S.
Constitution, which would come in handy when you became the first woman president! Oh, Monty, these prizes are bitchin'! Yeah, truly bitchin'.
Now let's take a look at what you did choose behind door number three.
It's your boyfriend and a promise ring! I love you! Hyde, when I cruise a girl how long do I have to talk to her before she will French me? That depends on what kind of girl you're cruising for.
Which is why I'm gonna aim low.
Real low.
Just this side of gross.
Where is Michael Kelso? I want my ring! He's in the toilet.
Jackie, wait, wait.
Kelso wants to give you the ring - but he's scared.
- Why is he scared? Because you're scary.
No, because Kelso is delicate, sensitive.
Girlish even.
You cannot push him into this.
You gotta be gentle.
He'll do it when he's ready.
Where's my ring, you idiot? Or yell at him.
It's more fun for us.
Look, you, I want my promise ring, and I want it now.
Give it.
Really? Okay, just wait.
'Cause I I just I wanna do this right.
Jackie from the first minute that I saw you I knew that I wanted to fool around with you.
And then, after we did that and I still wanted to talk to you? I knew that I never wanted to be without you.
So will you accept my ring? Yeah.
Yeah, Michael, I will.
Oh, God.
I know.
Hey, what's up? - So, how was cruising? - Unsettling.
When a girl is in a car, you can only see her from the neck up.
Talk about the tip of the iceberg! Oh.
- So where's Donna? - Ah, she said she had to study.
Oh.
So everything's cool? Okay Look I don't know what everyone thinks is going on but Donna and I are not only fine we're great.
Everything's finally settled, so we're happier than ever.
Well, one of you is.
- What is that supposed to mean? - Look, Forman I get what you're trying to do.
You know, you're trying to lock her up, seal the deal.
And all I'm saying is Maybe Donna's not that kind of girl.
Okay, you don't know as much as you think, Hyde.
So you need to just shut up.
Now, that man is a loof.
Hey! What are you doing out here? Um I wanted to talk to you.
Look, this is gonna be hard.
Um Eric, I love you.
A lot.
But I have to give you your ring back.
What? Why? Okay How do you see the next 20 years? I don't know.
I guess I always figured we'd go to college together, then come home Yeah, but, Eric, you know that's not what I want.
I mean, I've told you that.
And who knows? I might want to go to school back East.
Or maybe in Paris.
Okay, well, you know what, Donna, whatever.
Okay? The important thing is when you see yourself in Paris or wherever I'm there, right? Right? I don't know.
Not always.
I mean, it's not like there's anyone else but sometimes I'm by myself.
I mean All I mean is, I don't know.
Neither of us does.
And this ring is just a stupid high school promise.
If we're meant to be together, then we'll end up together.
No.
The way we end up together is by saying we'll be together and then, being together.
Eric, come on.
We're together now.
Isn't that enough? No! I mean I mean, damn, Donna.
If you can see a future for yourself without me and that doesn't, like, break your heart then we're not doing what I thought we were doing here.
And you know what? Maybe we shouldn't even be together at all! Wait a minute.
Are you breaking up with me? Well are you giving back that ring? - Yes.
- Then Yes.
- Leo, I I need to return this.
- Hey, man I only said it was gold, not real gold.
No, it's Donna and I broke up.
What? What happened to the love, man? Well, I don't really feel like No! If you kids can't make it, who can? Tell me, who? Why, God, why?