Hannah Montana s03e26 Episode Script

Huh? What do you think? Am I gonna make a great Dinah the Determined Duck or what? Yeah, absolutely.
But, uh I'm just glad this movie's animated because Dinah's not wearing any pants.
Wait a second.
If she's not wearing pants, where am I gonna put my lipstick? Oh, girl, if she's going all "el buffo," she is gonna have to have a purse.
And maybe some heels.
Might make those legs look longer and minimize the big fat duck butt.
Do not go dissin' Diney's hiney.
On page 86, she hip-checks the evil farmer out of the way with her bodacious ba-duck-a-donk! There she is, yes! Hannah, baby, absolute thrill to be directing you.
Baz B.
Berkley! But please, call me Triple B.
Thank you for having me here, Triple B.
Or should I say Buh-Buh-Buh.
OK.
I've heard that a million times, but because it's you, I'm gonna laugh.
Ha! By the way, is the purple pixie really here or am I just over-tired? Oh, no, that's my best friend, Lola.
Hi! I'm a big fan of your movies.
Over the Ledge, Jolt I just love you.
Of course you do.
Look at you, you're a walking cartoon.
Don't frown, I'm saying that with love.
OK? OK.
So! - Wanna meet your co-stars? - Absolutely.
Wonderful.
Come on in! Hannah Montana, I'd like you to meet Granny Goat, Claude the Crabby Cow and Frankie the Frantic Field Mouse.
Hello, Hannah.
Not in the moooooood.
I like cheeeeeeese! Hi, I'm Kyle McIntyre.
Man, it must get ugly at your house when there's only one cookie left.
Not really 'cause Frankie likes cheeeeeese! Oy.
OK, so we've all met.
Wonderful.
What do you say we get this rehearsal started, my little overly-paid barnyard beauties.
Again, I say that with love.
OK.
OK, why don't you sit down? Wonderful.
Dinah? Dinah? Where is that mmm-miserable duck? She's climbing to the top of the barn again.
She's tryin' to learn to fly! She wants to earn some pie? Tell her to clean out my stall! You can do it, Dinah.
You can fly, you can fly! Whoa, hold up, hold up.
Hannah, honey, what's with the voice? Oh, I'm sorry, was that too emotional? I mean I don't wanna scare the kids.
Exactly.
None of us want to scare kids, OK? 'Cause then they run out of the theater, I get angry letters from parents, they close my movie down Next thing you know, I'm back to directing regional theater starring "he's still alive?" and "she looks horrible!" I don't need that.
I think one of those three B's is for "boing!" OK.
What I need, what I want, what the kids want is a duck that sounds somewhat duck-ish.
Oh, I'm sorry.
When the studio offered me the job, I thought they wanted a celebrity voice that sounded somewhat me-ish.
Hannah, sweetie, cookie, if I wanted to have someone sound like you, I'd have Kyle do it.
Kyle, do Hannah.
You get the best of both worlds - Whoa! That was cool! - Not really hearin' it.
Anywho, look, if you want a duck, I'll give you a duck.
- Lead me in, Kyle.
- You got it.
She wants to earn some pie? Tell her to clean out my stall.
You can do it, Dinah.
You can fly, you can fly.
Quack! Quack! You get the limo out front.
Hottest styles, every shoe, every color.
Yea when your famous it can be kinda fun.
It's really you but no one ever discovers.
Who would've thought that a girl like me Would double as a superstar? You get the best of both worlds.
Chill it out, take it slow, then you rock out the show.
You get the best of both worlds.
Mix it all together and you know that It's the best of both worlds.
Hannah Montana S03E26 Come Fail Away You can do it, Dinah.
You can fly, you can fly.
How was that? Kinda like the garbage disposal with a salad fork in it.
Dang, I stink at this.
I mean, the director acted all nice, but I saw that look on his face.
You know, the look of disappointment and total embarrassment.
Kinda like the look I give Jackson well, pretty much 24-7.
Uh, Mile, would you like your own slice of pizza? Dad, please, I'm way too upset to eat.
I can see that.
What am I gonna do? I would say if you keep working on it, you'll get it.
Really? Like I said, you just keep working on it.
I'm a duck.
I'm a duck.
I'm a dead duck.
- Hello? - Hey, Hannah, it's Kyle.
I was calling to see how it was going with the voice.
Oh! My duck is great.
My duck is awesome.
My duck is - Cooked, roasted, stuffed? - All of the above.
I know exactly how you feel.
I had to do the voice of a duck once, so I hired a duck coach.
- A duck coach? - He's amazing.
I'll make a call.
Kyle says you're the best in the business, so do your stuff.
OK, for what I'm paying you, you're gonna have to give me more than that.
Go! I'm gonna be needing a discount.
Jackson Rod Stewart, how many times do I have to tell you to replace the Uh, Mile? If this is your way of asking for a puppy, you win.
Dad, I'm just trying to find my inner duck and I'll take a beagle.
Quack! You really think that'll work? It worked for Kyle.
He said before you even think about doing the voice, you really gotta study the animal.
And then, when you're in front of the mic, it'll just come right out of you.
As long as you clean up anything that comes out of that duck, waddle away.
Now, where's that barnyard animal I call my son? He's at the beach.
One normal child, is that too much to ask? That's right, I'm a college man.
- Really? - Yep! Studying at the universi-tay.
That's u-n iversi-tay.
I'm independent, don't answer to anyone Well, except that cute little diapered angel called Cupid.
Aren't you gonna get that? No, it's just my uh, roommate, Robby.
Yeah.
Musician.
You know the type.
A little flaky.
First, he doesn't listen to me, now he won't even pick up the phone? I'm sick of that boy duckin' me! Oh, relax! He didn't mean anything by it.
- Hey, Rico, I'll take a water.
- Take a number.
Take a number? Since when? Just take one.
Fine.
Hey, Rico, I'm number six.
Number six, your water is ready.
Number six.
OK, what was the point of that? I'm trying to class up the place.
Number four, your veggie burger is ready.
Number four.
Number four, get your stinkin' veggie burger before I spit in it! Oh, yeah, much classier.
I don't know what I'm gonna do this summer, I mean, bicycle through France, maybe surf Costa Rica.
It's great being my own man.
Because, as I said, I answer to no one.
Jackson Rod Stewart! Cool sunglasses.
Can I try 'em? - Jackson! - And maybe your hat.
- What're you doing? - Having fun.
Being my own man.
Let's talk like girls.
Come on! Those are nice shoes.
Where'd you get 'em? They're so cuuuute! - Excuse me, ladies.
- Not interested.
Taken.
Uh, Jacksina, can I have a word with you for a second, please? Hey, Robby, Rob-oh, Rob-bop-a-lu-bop-ba-bing-bang-boomo.
That's my roommate.
Probably needs to borrow some money.
Why don't you wait over there? I don't want to embarrass him - like he's embarrassing me! - Oh, yeah! Said the guy in the floppy sunflower hat with the girlie glasses.
What do you want, Dad? I'm right in the middle of something important here.
So was I! And now, thanks to you, we're out of cotton balls.
And you gotta start answering your phone when I call you.
Well, I'm sorry, Dad, but at my age, it's a little embarrassing when "daddy" keeps calling.
Can't you just, like, text me? I don't know how to do all that textin' and tweetin' and your face and my face, and all that stuff.
Could you please just learn? I don't need you calling me to rag on me whenever I forget to replace the toilet paper, or I don't make my bed or I don't take my dinosaur vitamin! Uh, they're chewable and have one percent real fruit juice, so I'm sorry, I usually get paid for babysitting.
"Replace the dang TP, smiley face, smiley face.
" I taught him how to do the smiley face.
I may be an old goat, but I can still kick your When you commit to something, you don't mess around.
Yeah, well anything to get this voice right, it's ugh.
I didn't know this was gonna give me such a nasty feather wedgie.
Sorry I'm late, everybody.
The whole lobby's talking about some wacky girl dressed in a Hey! There she is.
Hannah! Yeah, well, this is the kind of commitment you get when you hire Hannah Montana.
Just you wait 'til you hear that duck voice explode out of me! You know what? I love it, I'm excited, let's do it, let's quack'n'roll! Sweet.
OK.
Kyle, why don't you kick us off from the goat.
And go.
She wants to earn some pie? Tell her to clean out my stall! You can do it, Dinah! You can oh, boy.
I'm sorry.
Hmm.
Isn't that the same voice? Well, yes.
But see, uh, I just wanna show you how far I've come.
So just wait, this voice is about to explode out of me right now.
Here we go! You can do it, Dinah.
You can fly! Oh, cheese and quackers! OK.
I'm thinking, and this is just out loud, you need a little more practice.
And I'm thinking that you need a different duck.
I think it'd be better for everyone if I just quit.
OK, whoa.
Hannah, honey, hold on, let's think about this.
There's nothing to think about.
You obviously need someone who can walk the walk or, you know, waddle the waddle, and I'm just not your girl.
So please let me leave here while I still have my dignity.
Why couldn't I do it? I've never quit anything before.
I can't believe this! I've never been this bad at anything.
Aw, come on, of course you have.
Remember soccer and volleyball, and Oh, they're still talking about that time you got stuck climbing the rope in gym class.
"Somebody call the fire department! Somebody call the fire department!" - It was scary.
- You were this far off the ground! And you came to comfort me.
Now please do your job.
- Poor Miley.
- Better.
When did Dad learn how to text? "How go D Duck? Bet U gr8.
" Hey, did you get my text? Did ya see how I spelled great? G-R number eight! Did you know you could do that? It works with other words, too, like Fascin-8.
Exfoli-8.
- Irrit-8.
- Well, W-Y-P-B.
That's "What's your prob, Bob?" I added the Bob part.
- Ooh, I like that.
- Ooh! T-Y, Lilly.
- Yeah! - That's "thank you.
" Daddy, I quit the movie.
What? - You quit? - I had to.
I was horrible.
Well, at least you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you gave it your very best shot.
Yes, I can.
You must've worked on that thing for a whole 24 hours.
Uh, minus the trip to the mall, meals, sleep, carry the one You slaved over that voice for an hour and 28 minutes.
I'm exhausted just adding it up.
- You forgot the Saturday stache wax.
- Oh, thank you.
That takes it down to a good 55-56 minutes you put into it.
Daddy, please.
I don't need this right now.
Hey, fine.
I'm not gonna sit here and rattle off some big speech.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah.
So much for not giving me a big speech.
But, you're right, I didn't give it my best shot.
And I really should ask for a second chance.
Good number four, letter U.
- Dad, I'm right here.
- Oh, but it's so dang much fun! What about this voice? You can do it, Dinah.
You can fly, you can Raisin.
Why can't the principal ever stay home sick? Ugh, my head is more stuffed than the original Lassie.
There were six of them, you know.
Walk away, walk away! OK, what do you think about this? You can do it Walk away, walk away! Oh no, I'm getting clammy.
This can't be good.
Why can't I do this? Please, help me.
Send me a sign! How many times must I tell you no running in the halls? Thank you! - Are you making fun of me? - Are you making fun of me? - You are making fun of me! - You are making fun of me! She had the mystery meat for lunch and hasn't been quite right since.
Walk away, walk away, walk away.
That's right, I'm a college man.
- Really? - Yep, studying at the universi-tay.
That's u-n-i-v ersi-tay.
"Jackson when letter-R letter-U home?" Uh, excuse me, I'm getting another text.
Perfect.
"Pick up some eggs.
" Independent.
Don't answer to anyone.
Just hold that thought.
"K.
" "Plus sign, some gr-8-ed cheese.
" "U hate gr-8-ed cheese.
" "But I like to type gr-8-ed cheese.
" - You are so not worth this.
- No! No, come on, I just Enough already! Yello? You are out of control, mister! Look, this morning you texted me "Going running.
" Then it was "I-M texting, plus sign, running.
" Then it was "I fell down.
" Then it was "Don't worry, I-M, smiley face.
" Well this is not a smiley face! I'm pointing at my face! Look, Dad, I promise from now on I'll answer your phone calls.
Just stop texting me! I've learned my lesson! Why does that boy always think I'm trying to teach him a lesson? I just like texting.
"Hey Mom, how R-U? I like gr-8-ed cheese!" You can do it, Dinah.
You can fly, you can fly.
Look at me! I'm flying! I'm flying!" And scene.
Wow, yes! Yes, yes, yes! A million times better.
Thank you! I knew if I tried my best I could do it.
And you did.
Unfortunately, your best, still not good.
Wait, what? You said I was a million times better.
True, true, true.
But, from where you started, a million times better is still, how do I say this "eh.
" You liked it, right, Kyle? Well, I, um Kyle, Mom wants you out here right now! Sorry, gotta go.
Mom, I'm coming! OK, so, again, Hannah, a real joy working with you - and I say that with - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is not the way that it's supposed to happen! See, first I think I'm good.
Then I find out from you I'm bad.
Then I try to give up, listen to my daddy's advice, then I work really hard, knock it out of the park and then thank you at the Academy Awards! - Did you park in the structure? - Yeah.
OK.
The girl's gonna validate you on the way out.
You know what? You may think I'm walking out of here a loser, but I'm not.
I am the winner because I tried my best.
And that's all you can do in this crazy, mixed up world.
And you know what? Maybe I didn't get this job, but I'll get the next one.
And if I don't, I'll get the one after that, because Hannah Montana does not quit.
Good day, Triple B! Aw, come on! Seriously, this is where you hear the heartfelt speech, give me another chance, and then I thank you at the Academy Awards.
Wow, yes.
You know what, that's great.
And this is when I say: "They lock the structure at five.
" I just wanted to make kids laugh.
- OK, can I get security? - I'm going, I'm sorry! hey Rico I'll take a fruit smoothie.
All right.
This'll buzz you when it's ready.
Is this one of those pagers that vibrates? What happened to the microphone? Didn't work.
I'd call people, they'd ignore me, I'd yell and it would ruin the peace and tranquility of the Rico's dining experience.
- This is much more effective.
- OK.
That's a little strong, don't ya think? I'd like to see them ignore me now.
Dance, monkeys, dance! Mwah-hah-hah-hah!