Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e26 Episode Script
The Permanent Punishment
narrator: Coming up, what the cluck is up with murr? [ clucking .]
Cluck is up with murr? [ clucking .]
something wrong with you, [ clucking .]
something wrong with you, buddy.
something wrong with you, buddy.
narrator: Will joe be caught Buddy.
narrator: Will joe be caught in the crosshairs? narrator: Will joe be caught in the crosshairs? she looks like In the crosshairs? she looks like pippi longstocking! she looks like pippi longstocking! [ laughs .]
Pippi longstocking! [ laughs .]
narrator: And which three [ laughs .]
narrator: And which three jokers are under the gun in narrator: And which three jokers are under the gun in tonight's first ever permanent Jokers are under the gun in tonight's first ever permanent punishment? Tonight's first ever permanent punishment? [ laughter .]
Punishment? [ laughter .]
prepare for something [ laughter .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
i will never forgive you! larry! i will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today we're security guards at nucare pharmacy.
and while we're on watch, At nucare pharmacy.
and while we're on watch, we're gonna have to do and say and while we're on watch, we're gonna have to do and say whatever the other guys tell us We're gonna have to do and say whatever the other guys tell us to.
Whatever the other guys tell us to.
and if you refuse any of it, To.
and if you refuse any of it, you lose.
and if you refuse any of it, you lose.
you got a receipt for these? You lose.
you got a receipt for these? you'll never catch me! what's up with your turkey sandwich? Sandwich? that's not mine.
that's not mine.
that's my turkey sandwich.
that's my turkey sandwich.
what's up with your turkey what's up with your turkey sandwich? Sandwich? so, you have a [bleep.]
turkey so, you have a [bleep.]
turkey sandwich, a soup, a snapple, and Sandwich, a soup, a snapple, and a computer on the community A computer on the community thing.
Thing.
the community table.
the community table.
you know right now -- the you know right now -- the look on your face just realized Look on your face just realized that you're an [bleep.]
That you're an [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
sal, this guy's not allowed in Sal, this guy's not allowed in the store until he knows the The store until he knows the password.
Password.
excuse me, sir.
excuse me, sir.
To go in the store today, we To go in the store today, we need you to know the password.
Need you to know the password.
the password is "nipple.
" the password is "nipple.
" just give clues till he gets it.
Just give clues till he gets it.
uh, sometimes women have nice uh, sometimes women have nice ones.
Ones.
Okay.
Close.
Close.
Okay.
Close.
Close.
But it's actually part of the But it's actually part of the titty.
Titty.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
[ laughter and applause .]
sal, get pissed this guy's [ laughter and applause .]
sal, get pissed this guy's not standing up straight.
sal, get pissed this guy's not standing up straight.
it offends you personally.
Not standing up straight.
it offends you personally.
excuse me.
it offends you personally.
excuse me.
Come on.
Stand up straight.
excuse me.
Come on.
Stand up straight.
You know? Yeah.
Come on.
Stand up straight.
You know? Yeah.
he stood up straight! You know? Yeah.
he stood up straight! [ laughter .]
he stood up straight! [ laughter .]
ohh! [ laughter .]
ohh! sal, this guy's slouching.
ohh! sal, this guy's slouching.
excuse me, sir.
sal, this guy's slouching.
excuse me, sir.
Stand up straight.
excuse me, sir.
Stand up straight.
stand up straight? Stand up straight.
stand up straight? yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
stand up straight? yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
this better? yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
this better? yes.
this better? yes.
okay.
yes.
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
sal, the next few people who [ laughter .]
sal, the next few people who come into the store -- warn them sal, the next few people who come into the store -- warn them that there is a rogue Come into the store -- warn them that there is a rogue heterosexual loose in the store.
That there is a rogue heterosexual loose in the store.
excuse me, sir.
I just wanted to let you know, if you're walking around, If you're walking around, there's a rogue heterosexual There's a rogue heterosexual loose in the store.
Loose in the store.
It's a heterosexual that's gone It's a heterosexual that's gone rogue.
Rogue.
He's loose in the aisles.
He's loose in the aisles.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
this woman needs to know this woman needs to know about the rogue heterosexual.
About the rogue heterosexual.
there is a rogue heterosexual there is a rogue heterosexual loose.
Loose.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
a heterosexual has gone rogue.
A heterosexual has gone rogue.
He's loose in the aisles.
He's loose in the aisles.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, just -- he can be Well, just -- he can be anywhere.
Anywhere.
He's rogue.
He's rogue.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
get her attention.
get her attention.
psst.
Psst.
psst.
Psst.
it's him.
it's him.
it's him.
it's him.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's her.
it's her.
it's her.
It's her.
it's her.
It's her.
ohh.
Ohh.
ohh.
Ohh.
[ chuckles .]
[ chuckles .]
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
joe, what would you do if joe, what would you do if someone held up the store right Someone held up the store right now? Now? i'd probably give a chop.
i'd probably give a chop.
I would probably chop high to I would probably chop high to the throat.
The throat.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
show off the moves you'd do show off the moves you'd do to protect the store.
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughing .]
keep going.
Keep going.
[ laughing .]
keep going.
Keep going.
[ laughs .]
Keep going.
[ laughs .]
hadoo! [ laughs .]
hadoo! [ grunts .]
hadoo! [ grunts .]
they're all looking.
[ grunts .]
they're all looking.
They're all looking.
they're all looking.
They're all looking.
hah! Hah! Hah! They're all looking.
hah! Hah! Hah! [ laughter .]
hah! Hah! Hah! [ laughter .]
[ grunting .]
[ laughter .]
[ grunting .]
i'm a security guard.
[ grunting .]
i'm a security guard.
See? I'm a security guard.
See? [ grunting .]
See? [ grunting .]
[ laughter continues .]
[ grunting .]
[ laughter continues .]
pwah! Pwah! [ laughter continues .]
pwah! Pwah! Cha! Hapiyah! Pwah! Pwah! Cha! Hapiyah! Shah! Oh, yeah.
Thanks for shopping.
You're welcome.
[ laughter .]
You're welcome.
[ laughter .]
joe, help this lady with the [ laughter .]
joe, help this lady with the door.
joe, help this lady with the door.
oh.
Door.
oh.
whip the jacket off.
oh.
whip the jacket off.
Hand it to her.
whip the jacket off.
Hand it to her.
Go, "i can't do this anymore.
" Hand it to her.
Go, "i can't do this anymore.
" i can't do this anymore.
Go, "i can't do this anymore.
" i can't do this anymore.
You're --- you're in charge.
i can't do this anymore.
You're --- you're in charge.
[ laughs .]
You're --- you're in charge.
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
come back in and steal [ laughter .]
come back in and steal something now.
come back in and steal something now.
[ laughs .]
Something now.
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
there goes security! [ laughter .]
there goes security! [ laughter .]
There goes security! [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
q, today your name is security guard tony gunk.
Security guard tony gunk.
ah, the gunk! ah, the gunk! expert extraordinaire! expert extraordinaire! tony gunk's on the case.
tony gunk's on the case.
gunk, the last time we put gunk, the last time we put you on a case, you destroyed You on a case, you destroyed half the city! Half the city! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
ah, this girl looks like ah, this girl looks like she's up to something.
She's up to something.
Get to the bottom of it, gunk! Get to the bottom of it, gunk! come on.
come on.
Come on.
Come on.
q, you can't say, "come on" q, you can't say, "come on" enough.
Enough.
come on.
come on.
Come on.
Come on.
We have -- we have cameras.
We have -- we have cameras.
Come on.
Come on.
Knock, knock.
Knock, knock.
Come on.
Come on.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
i got eyeballs.
I got eyeballs.
I-i know what's going on.
I-i know what's going on.
Come on.
Eggs? Come on.
Eggs? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
come on.
Come on! Come on.
Come on! Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on! Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on! [ laughs .]
Come on.
Come on! [ laughs .]
come on.
[ laughs .]
come on.
[ laughter .]
come on.
[ laughter .]
q, get this guy.
[ laughter .]
q, get this guy.
excuse me, sir.
q, get this guy.
excuse me, sir.
didn't we used to be lovers? [ laughter .]
didn't we, uh Didn't we -- didn't we -- didn't we, uh Didn't we -- didn't we -- didn't we used to Didn't we -- didn't we -- didn't we used to [ laughs .]
Didn't we used to [ laughs .]
didn't we, uh [ laughs .]
didn't we, uh Didn't we used toBe didn't we, uh Didn't we used toBe Lovers? Didn't we used toBe Lovers? [ laughter and applause .]
Lovers? [ laughter and applause .]
all right, man! [ laughter and applause .]
all right, man! [ laughter .]
all right, man! [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
hello.
Welcome to nucare.
really doing a bang-up job really doing a bang-up job out there, murr.
Out there, murr.
got my fanny pack on.
got my fanny pack on.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
he's giving you [bleep.]
he's giving you [bleep.]
you don't take that! You don't take that! this is part of my uniform.
this is part of my uniform.
I wear a fanny pack.
I wear a fanny pack.
You don't like it? You don't like it? [ laughter and applause .]
[ laughter and applause .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
mutter.
mutter.
Mutter under your breath.
Mutter under your breath.
scalawag.
scalawag.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you know what's funny? you know what's funny? My friends call me a douche bag.
My friends call me a douche bag.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
i don't know what that is.
i don't know what that is.
What is a douche bag? What is a douche bag? i actually don't know what a i actually don't know what a douche bag is.
[ laughter .]
all: Ohhhhhh! all: Ohhhhhh! murr, don't take that guff murr, don't take that guff from him.
From him.
Arrest him! Arrest him! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ speaks indistinctly .]
[ speaks indistinctly .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you're under arrest, sir.
you're under arrest, sir.
You're under arrest.
You're under arrest.
You got a strong arm.
[ laughter .]
challenge him to an challenge him to an arm-wrestle.
Arm-wrestle.
i bet you $20 that i can beat i bet you $20 that i can beat you in an arm-wrestle.
You in an arm-wrestle.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
start making chicken noises start making chicken noises and clucking like a chicken in a And clucking like a chicken in a circle.
Circle.
[ clucking .]
[ clucking .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
that's it.
that's it.
[ clucking continues .]
[ laughter .]
something's fishy about something's fishy about this guy.
This guy.
yeah.
yeah.
smell him.
smell him.
[ sniffing .]
[ sniffing .]
what? What? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
no.
Just -- No.
Just -- [ laughing .]
what the hell's [ laughing .]
what the hell's wrong with you? Wrong with you? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
say, "i figured out what smells in here.
" say, "i figured out what smells in here.
" i figured out what stinks in Smells in here.
" i figured out what stinks in here.
i figured out what stinks in here.
it's your [bleep.]
Here.
it's your [bleep.]
it's your [bleep.]
it's your [bleep.]
it's your [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
It just came out.
[ laughing .]
it just came out! [ laughing .]
it just came out! [ laughter continues .]
Out! [ laughter continues .]
man! Man! [ laughter continues .]
man! Man! [bleep.]
Man! Man! [bleep.]
i'm gonna die! [bleep.]
i'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! [ laughter continues .]
I'm gonna die! [ laughter continues .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter continues .]
oh, my god.
i never fall down! oh, my god.
i never fall down! I fell down like a sack of i never fall down! I fell down like a sack of [bleep.]
I fell down like a sack of [bleep.]
[ laughter continues .]
[bleep.]
[ laughter continues .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter continues .]
[ ding! .]
narrator: No one did the [ ding! .]
narrator: No one did the crime, so no one's doing the narrator: No one did the crime, so no one's doing the time on the loser board.
Crime, so no one's doing the time on the loser board.
boom! Time on the loser board.
boom! It's time for the rematch! boom! It's time for the rematch! Today we're going head-to-head, It's time for the rematch! Today we're going head-to-head, tournament-style, clipping Today we're going head-to-head, tournament-style, clipping balloons onto unsuspecting Tournament-style, clipping balloons onto unsuspecting shoppers.
we'll be taking turns attaching balloons and trying not to get caught.
Attaching balloons and trying not to get caught.
whoever attaches the most Not to get caught.
whoever attaches the most amount of balloons without whoever attaches the most amount of balloons without getting caught moves on to the Amount of balloons without getting caught moves on to the next round.
Getting caught moves on to the next round.
let's do this! Next round.
let's do this! [ laughs .]
let's do this! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
what?! the gladiators have entered the arena.
The arena.
i'm using my belly to block i'm using my belly to block the balloon.
The balloon.
look at it -- no balloon, look at it -- no balloon, balloon! Balloon! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
what an advantage.
what an advantage.
Here we go.
Look at sal.
oh.
oh.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
both: Ohhh! both: Ohhh! joe gatto on the move! joe gatto on the move! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
joe got it! joe got it! Joe got it! Joe got it! it's on sal! it's on sal! Look at this! Look at this! Oh, this is tense.
Oh, this is tense.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
sal got it! sal got it! sal got it! Go, joe! sal got it! Go, joe! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
oh, my god! Oh, my god! he's got four! he's got four! How did he do this?! How did he do this?! aaaah! aaaah! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
ohhhh! Ohhhh! [ laughing .]
oh-ho! [ laughing .]
oh-ho! Oh-ho-ho-ho! Oh-ho-ho-ho! Whoa! Whoa! brilliant move, joe.
brilliant move, joe.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
holy [bleep.]
holy [bleep.]
do it, sal.
Do it.
Do it, sal.
Do it.
You'll be my hero! You'll be my hero! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
aah! Aaaaaaaah! aah! Aaaaaaaah! Ah-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Joe, let go! Joe, let go! ohh! Ohh! ohh! Ohh! ohhhhh! ohhhhh! i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
You stopped walking.
You stopped walking.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god! [ laughing .]
oh, my god! well done, sal.
well done, sal.
damn it! damn it! tie game, 1-1.
tie game, 1-1.
It's anybody's balloon game.
It's anybody's balloon game.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
he's going for the he's going for the sunglasses! Sunglasses! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
get out! get out! ohh! ohh! ohh! ohh! oh, she didn't see sal.
oh, she didn't see sal.
Joe, it's your turn.
Joe, it's your turn.
wait.
wait.
Joe sees the opportunity.
Joe sees the opportunity.
they're coming on monday.
they're coming on monday.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
oh, joe! oh, joe! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
come on, baby! come on, baby! oh, here we go.
oh, here we go.
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
go, go, go! go, go, go! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
dude! dude! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
ha ha! She saw you! ha ha! She saw you! You got it! Boom! You got it! Boom! what the hell? what the hell? [ laughter .]
ready? yeah.
Let's do it.
yeah.
Let's do it.
all right, boys.
all right, boys.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Murray's up.
Murray's up.
Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! hey, what's that shirt? hey, what's that shirt? What is that shirt? What is that shirt? Oh, cool! Cool! Oh, cool! Cool! both: Ohhhhhhhh! both: Ohhhhhhhh! nice! nice! defense wins games! defense wins games! i always wanted to visit i always wanted to visit korea, though.
Korea, though.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
killing him with killing him with conversation.
Conversation.
wow! wow! do you recommend a specific do you recommend a specific airline when flying to korea? Airline when flying to korea? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's a wash.
it's a wash.
You're still in play.
You're still in play.
You're still in play.
You're still in play.
whew! whew! here we go, boys.
here we go, boys.
ah-choo! ah-choo! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
ohh! It's on! ohh! It's on! here we go.
here we go.
is he gonna get it? is he gonna get it? He's doing balloon to balloon.
He's doing balloon to balloon.
This has never been done before! This has never been done before! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
yeah! Ha ha ha! yeah! Ha ha ha! he's got it! Murr's up! he's got it! Murr's up! yes.
Okay.
yes.
Okay.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
holy [bleep.]
[bleep.]
holy [bleep.]
this is a real nail-biter.
this is a real nail-biter.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Dude, you better hurry up.
Dude, you better hurry up.
She's leaving the aisle.
She's leaving the aisle.
She's leaving the aisle.
She's leaving the aisle.
She's gone! She's gone! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's best 2 out of 3, fellas, it's best 2 out of 3, fellas, so, q, you live to balloon So, q, you live to balloon another day.
Another day.
yeah.
yeah.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
murray's in! murray's in! And that guy is taking off! And that guy is taking off! He's taking off! He's taking off! oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Q better move fast.
Q better move fast.
Q better move fast.
Q better move fast.
Q better move fast! Q better move fast! ohhhhhh! ohhhhhhhhhhhh! he took it off! he took it off! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
whoa! whoa! a classic reversal! a classic reversal! that counts?! that counts?! hold on! hold on! Let me check the rulebook! Let me check the rulebook! It's allowed! It's allowed! it's a win! it's a win! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
that's allowed?! that's allowed?! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
we're all tied up, bitches.
We're all tied up, bitches.
all right.
Here goes q.
all right.
Here goes q.
Q's got a clip.
Q's got a clip.
ohh! Ohh! ohh! Ohh! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
that's one! that's one! both: That's good for one! both: That's good for one! ohhhhhhhh! ohhhhhhhh! two.
two.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
both: Ohhhhhh! both: Ohhhhhh! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
she pointed you out! she pointed you out! oh, i'm sorry.
oh, i'm sorry.
What happened? What happened? This guy put a balloon on you This guy put a balloon on you and she caught him, so, And she caught him, so, technically, he got caught? Technically, he got caught? yeah! yeah! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
thanks for nothin', lady! thanks for nothin', lady! well, my work here is done.
well, my work here is done.
I'll see you in the championship I'll see you in the championship rounds.
this is it.
sudden death.
sudden death.
Sudden death.
Sudden death.
let the best man win.
let the best man win.
Oh, wait -- that might be you.
Oh, wait -- that might be you.
Let the fattest man win.
Let the fattest man win.
Wait.
Wait.
well, that might be me.
well, that might be me.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
ohhhhhh! ohhhhhh! It's on! It's on! And the championship round has And the championship round has begun! Begun! how doesn't she know this?! how doesn't she know this?! It's on her hair! It's on her hair! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
come back! come back! Ohhhhhh! Ohhhhhh! Ohhhhhh! Ohhhhhh! she's got pigtails! she's got pigtails! she looks like she looks like pippi longstocking! Pippi longstocking! oh, my god! oh, my god! oh, my god! oh, my god! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
oh, my god! Aaah! who do you think did it? who do you think did it? aaaaah! aaaaah! continue.
continue.
This is it -- sudden death.
Ohh! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! he didn't notice.
he didn't notice.
[ laughter .]
he's like, "i'm never wearing this shirt again.
" This shirt again.
" ohhh.
Ohhh.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
wow! wow! oh, my god! oh, my god! he's gonna notice it again.
he's gonna notice it again.
It's so funny he's not looking It's so funny he's not looking around to see who did it.
Around to see who did it.
He's just like, "why does my He's just like, "why does my shirt keep doing this to me?" Shirt keep doing this to me?" [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
oh, man.
oh, man.
Now he's on the lookout, baby.
Now he's on the lookout, baby.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
oh, my god! oh, my god! Now you're caught! Now you're caught! Now you're caught! Now you're caught! we got a game going, and i Now you're caught! we got a game going, and i just lost.
we got a game going, and i just lost.
all around, guys, that was a Just lost.
all around, guys, that was a battle.
all around, guys, that was a battle.
nice work, buddy.
Battle.
nice work, buddy.
well, you know you gave a nice work, buddy.
well, you know you gave a battle.
well, you know you gave a battle.
i did what i could.
Battle.
i did what i could.
[ laughs .]
i did what i could.
[ laughs .]
ohh! What is he doing?! [ laughs .]
ohh! What is he doing?! He's taking it upon himself to ohh! What is he doing?! He's taking it upon himself to do it to a stranger! He's taking it upon himself to do it to a stranger! [ laughter .]
Do it to a stranger! [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter continues .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter continues .]
he did it! He did it! [ laughter continues .]
he did it! He did it! What is that guy's name? He did it! He did it! What is that guy's name? He's the new champion! What is that guy's name? He's the new champion! you're the new champion! He's the new champion! you're the new champion! Coach david is the new champ! you're the new champion! Coach david is the new champ! [ ding! .]
Coach david is the new champ! [ ding! .]
narrator: Q, murr, and sal [ ding! .]
narrator: Q, murr, and sal went down like lead balloons, so narrator: Q, murr, and sal went down like lead balloons, so it's time for a three-way Went down like lead balloons, so it's time for a three-way punishment.
It's time for a three-way punishment.
we're at east side ink, Punishment.
we're at east side ink, getting tattoos for the losers! we're at east side ink, getting tattoos for the losers! this is the first punishment Getting tattoos for the losers! this is the first punishment that is permanent.
this is the first punishment that is permanent.
when it's up to me, that's That is permanent.
when it's up to me, that's where my mind goes -- when it's up to me, that's where my mind goes -- permanent punishments.
Where my mind goes -- permanent punishments.
are you gonna tell us what Permanent punishments.
are you gonna tell us what tattoos we're getting first? are you gonna tell us what tattoos we're getting first? yes, after you get them! Tattoos we're getting first? yes, after you get them! [ laughter .]
yes, after you get them! [ laughter .]
i don't like that.
[ laughter .]
i don't like that.
You're not comforting me by i don't like that.
You're not comforting me by saying that.
You're not comforting me by say a tattoo is a personal thing.
Say a tattoo is a personal thing.
It's a very -- you have to It's a very -- you have to choose it.
don't worry.
Choose it.
don't worry.
I chose it for you based on your don't worry.
I chose it for you based on your personalities.
I chose it for you based on your personalities.
i need it in a spot that's Personalities.
i need it in a spot that's not gonna be seen by my mom.
i need it in a spot that's not gonna be seen by my mom.
how 'bout national Not gonna be seen by my mom.
how 'bout national television? how 'bout national television? all right, fellas.
Television? all right, fellas.
It's time to get inked.
all right, fellas.
It's time to get inked.
[ laughs nervously .]
It's time to get inked.
[ laughs nervously .]
[ needle buzzing .]
[ laughs nervously .]
[ needle buzzing .]
we're gonna go right here, [ needle buzzing .]
we're gonna go right here, right on the ham hock.
we're gonna go right here, right on the ham hock.
oh [bleep.]
Right on the ham hock.
oh [bleep.]
all right.
Are you ready? oh [bleep.]
all right.
Are you ready? [ needle buzzing .]
all right.
Are you ready? [ needle buzzing .]
[ laughs .]
[ needle buzzing .]
[ laughs .]
is this the first time you've [ laughs .]
is this the first time you've gotten one sober? Is this the first time you've gotten one sober? who said i'm sober? Gotten one sober? who said i'm sober? [ laughs .]
who said i'm sober? [ laughs .]
wow.
That hurts.
[ laughs .]
wow.
That hurts.
[bleep.]
wow.
That hurts.
[bleep.]
[ whimpering .]
[bleep.]
[ whimpering .]
i can't believe this is [ whimpering .]
i can't believe this is happening.
i can't believe this is happening.
oh, man.
What a nightmare.
Happening.
oh, man.
What a nightmare.
the worst part is not knowing oh, man.
What a nightmare.
the worst part is not knowing what's going on me.
the worst part is not knowing what's going on me.
can i look at this thing yet? What's going on me.
can i look at this thing yet? look at what thing? can i look at this thing yet? look at what thing? the tattoo.
look at what thing? the tattoo.
what tattoo? the tattoo.
what tattoo? how big is this thing?! what tattoo? how big is this thing?! dude, where the [bleep.]
did how big is this thing?! dude, where the [bleep.]
did you get that? dude, where the [bleep.]
did you get that? i'm just enjoying myself.
You get that? i'm just enjoying myself.
It's a beautiful day here.
i'm just enjoying myself.
It's a beautiful day here.
It's a beautiful day in It's a beautiful day here.
It's a beautiful day in east side ink.
It's a beautiful day in east side ink.
you're a stupid ass.
East side ink.
you're a stupid ass.
You're a [bleep.]
[bleep.]
you're a stupid ass.
You're a [bleep.]
[bleep.]
are we excited?! You're a [bleep.]
[bleep.]
are we excited?! I'm so excited! are we excited?! I'm so excited! all right.
I'm so excited! all right.
wait, wait, wait.
all right.
wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait.
Are you ready? wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait.
Are you ready? Quinn, are you ready? Wait, wait.
Are you ready? Quinn, are you ready? i just want to get it over Quinn, are you ready? i just want to get it over with.
i just want to get it over with.
i'm not even ready for yours! With.
i'm not even ready for yours! here we go! i'm not even ready for yours! here we go! take it off! It's so hard to pull this off! take it off! "38, lives alone, take it off! "38, lives alone, has 3 cats.
" "38, lives alone, has 3 cats.
" [ laughter .]
Has 3 cats.
" [ laughter .]
it's like a biography! [ laughter .]
it's like a biography! You basically got a tattoo that It's like a biography! You basically got a tattoo that brands you a loser.
You basically got a tattoo that brands you a loser.
[ laughter .]
Brands you a loser.
[ laughter .]
i'm only gonna be 38 for [ laughter .]
i'm only gonna be 38 for another two months! i'm only gonna be 38 for another two months! [ laughter .]
Another two months! [ laughter .]
you think that's bad? [ laughter .]
you think that's bad? You're up.
you think that's bad? You're up.
all right.
You're up.
all right.
Let's see what we got.
all right.
Let's see what we got.
this is your first tattoo Let's see what we got.
this is your first tattoo ever.
this is your first tattoo ever.
here we go, murr.
Ever.
here we go, murr.
here we go, murr.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's a ferret skydiving! [ laughter .]
it's a ferret skydiving! [ laughter continues .]
It's a ferret skydiving! [ laughter continues .]
come on, man! [ laughter continues .]
come on, man! oh, my god.
come on, man! oh, my god.
Look.
It's screaming like a oh, my god.
Look.
It's screaming like a bitch, just like you did.
Look.
It's screaming like a bitch, just like you did.
[ laughter .]
Bitch, just like you did.
[ laughter .]
in case you guys missed it at [ laughter .]
in case you guys missed it at home, let's put up a In case you guys missed it at home, let's put up a side-by-side real quick.
Home, let's put up a side-by-side real quick.
aaah! Side-by-side real quick.
aaah! that's what murray looks aaah! that's what murray looks like, right? that's what murray looks like, right? [ laughter .]
Like, right? [ laughter .]
it's a ferret cry-diving.
[ laughter .]
it's a ferret cry-diving.
i don't look like a [bleep.]
It's a ferret cry-diving.
i don't look like a [bleep.]
ferret! i don't look like a [bleep.]
ferret! [bleep.]
Ferret! [bleep.]
all right, sal.
[bleep.]
all right, sal.
You're up.
all right, sal.
You're up.
[ laughs .]
You're up.
[ laughs .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughs .]
[ sighs .]
like a band-aid, buddy.
[ sighs .]
like a band-aid, buddy.
pull it off.
like a band-aid, buddy.
pull it off.
3, 2, 1.
pull it off.
3, 2, 1.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god! Is that jaden smith?! wow! Is that jaden smith?! wow! that's not real! wow! that's not real! That's not real! that's not real! That's not real! That's a joke! That's not real! That's a joke! What the [bleep.]
does that have That's a joke! What the [bleep.]
does that have to do with me?! What the [bleep.]
does that have to do with me?! [ laughs .]
To do with me?! [ laughs .]
it's funny.
[ laughs .]
it's funny.
[ laughter .]
It's funny.
[ laughter .]
why is mine 100 times worse [ laughter .]
why is mine 100 times worse than theirs? why is mine 100 times worse than theirs? i don't know if it's worse.
Than theirs? i don't know if it's worse.
His is bad.
He's got a cat.
i don't know if it's worse.
His is bad.
He's got a cat.
[bleep.]
you! His is bad.
He's got a cat.
[bleep.]
you! You [bleep.]
put will smith's son [bleep.]
you! You [bleep.]
put will smith's son on my [bleep.]
thing! You [bleep.]
put will smith's son on my [bleep.]
thing! Why would you do that to me?! On my [bleep.]
thing! Why would you do that to me?! I'm your best [bleep.]
friend, Why would you do that to me?! I'm your best [bleep.]
friend, you dope! I'm your best [bleep.]
friend, you dope! Oh, my god! You dope! Oh, my god! I can't believe this! Oh, my god! I can't believe this! This is gonna change our whole I can't believe this! This is gonna change our whole friendship.
This is gonna change our whole friendship.
This is gonna change our whole Friendship.
This is gonna change our whole entire friendship from this day This is gonna change our whole entire friendship from this day forward! Entire friendship from this day forward! hey, jaden smith cannot come Forward! hey, jaden smith cannot come between us.
hey, jaden smith cannot come between us.
he's in between us right now.
Between us.
he's in between us right now.
Dude, why doesn't he have willow he's in between us right now.
Dude, why doesn't he have willow and he has jada? Dude, why doesn't he have willow and he has jada? Why wouldn't you just give us And he has jada? Why wouldn't you just give us all the smiths?! Why wouldn't you just give us all the smiths?! [ laughs .]
how are you gonna live with this for the rest of your life?! This for the rest of your life?! if i were you, i wouldn't go if i were you, i wouldn't go to prison.
To prison.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
don't ever get arrested.
don't ever get arrested.
calling all cars! calling all cars! Calling all cars! Calling all cars! There's a white male, 6 feet There's a white male, 6 feet tall, 220 pounds, has a Tall, 220 pounds, has a jaden smith tattoo!
Cluck is up with murr? [ clucking .]
something wrong with you, [ clucking .]
something wrong with you, buddy.
something wrong with you, buddy.
narrator: Will joe be caught Buddy.
narrator: Will joe be caught in the crosshairs? narrator: Will joe be caught in the crosshairs? she looks like In the crosshairs? she looks like pippi longstocking! she looks like pippi longstocking! [ laughs .]
Pippi longstocking! [ laughs .]
narrator: And which three [ laughs .]
narrator: And which three jokers are under the gun in narrator: And which three jokers are under the gun in tonight's first ever permanent Jokers are under the gun in tonight's first ever permanent punishment? Tonight's first ever permanent punishment? [ laughter .]
Punishment? [ laughter .]
prepare for something [ laughter .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
i will never forgive you! larry! i will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today we're security guards at nucare pharmacy.
and while we're on watch, At nucare pharmacy.
and while we're on watch, we're gonna have to do and say and while we're on watch, we're gonna have to do and say whatever the other guys tell us We're gonna have to do and say whatever the other guys tell us to.
Whatever the other guys tell us to.
and if you refuse any of it, To.
and if you refuse any of it, you lose.
and if you refuse any of it, you lose.
you got a receipt for these? You lose.
you got a receipt for these? you'll never catch me! what's up with your turkey sandwich? Sandwich? that's not mine.
that's not mine.
that's my turkey sandwich.
that's my turkey sandwich.
what's up with your turkey what's up with your turkey sandwich? Sandwich? so, you have a [bleep.]
turkey so, you have a [bleep.]
turkey sandwich, a soup, a snapple, and Sandwich, a soup, a snapple, and a computer on the community A computer on the community thing.
Thing.
the community table.
the community table.
you know right now -- the you know right now -- the look on your face just realized Look on your face just realized that you're an [bleep.]
That you're an [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
sal, this guy's not allowed in Sal, this guy's not allowed in the store until he knows the The store until he knows the password.
Password.
excuse me, sir.
excuse me, sir.
To go in the store today, we To go in the store today, we need you to know the password.
Need you to know the password.
the password is "nipple.
" the password is "nipple.
" just give clues till he gets it.
Just give clues till he gets it.
uh, sometimes women have nice uh, sometimes women have nice ones.
Ones.
Okay.
Close.
Close.
Okay.
Close.
Close.
But it's actually part of the But it's actually part of the titty.
Titty.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
[ laughter and applause .]
sal, get pissed this guy's [ laughter and applause .]
sal, get pissed this guy's not standing up straight.
sal, get pissed this guy's not standing up straight.
it offends you personally.
Not standing up straight.
it offends you personally.
excuse me.
it offends you personally.
excuse me.
Come on.
Stand up straight.
excuse me.
Come on.
Stand up straight.
You know? Yeah.
Come on.
Stand up straight.
You know? Yeah.
he stood up straight! You know? Yeah.
he stood up straight! [ laughter .]
he stood up straight! [ laughter .]
ohh! [ laughter .]
ohh! sal, this guy's slouching.
ohh! sal, this guy's slouching.
excuse me, sir.
sal, this guy's slouching.
excuse me, sir.
Stand up straight.
excuse me, sir.
Stand up straight.
stand up straight? Stand up straight.
stand up straight? yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
stand up straight? yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
this better? yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
this better? yes.
this better? yes.
okay.
yes.
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
sal, the next few people who [ laughter .]
sal, the next few people who come into the store -- warn them sal, the next few people who come into the store -- warn them that there is a rogue Come into the store -- warn them that there is a rogue heterosexual loose in the store.
That there is a rogue heterosexual loose in the store.
excuse me, sir.
I just wanted to let you know, if you're walking around, If you're walking around, there's a rogue heterosexual There's a rogue heterosexual loose in the store.
Loose in the store.
It's a heterosexual that's gone It's a heterosexual that's gone rogue.
Rogue.
He's loose in the aisles.
He's loose in the aisles.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
this woman needs to know this woman needs to know about the rogue heterosexual.
About the rogue heterosexual.
there is a rogue heterosexual there is a rogue heterosexual loose.
Loose.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
a heterosexual has gone rogue.
A heterosexual has gone rogue.
He's loose in the aisles.
He's loose in the aisles.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, just -- he can be Well, just -- he can be anywhere.
Anywhere.
He's rogue.
He's rogue.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
get her attention.
get her attention.
psst.
Psst.
psst.
Psst.
it's him.
it's him.
it's him.
it's him.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's her.
it's her.
it's her.
It's her.
it's her.
It's her.
ohh.
Ohh.
ohh.
Ohh.
[ chuckles .]
[ chuckles .]
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
joe, what would you do if joe, what would you do if someone held up the store right Someone held up the store right now? Now? i'd probably give a chop.
i'd probably give a chop.
I would probably chop high to I would probably chop high to the throat.
The throat.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
show off the moves you'd do show off the moves you'd do to protect the store.
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughing .]
keep going.
Keep going.
[ laughing .]
keep going.
Keep going.
[ laughs .]
Keep going.
[ laughs .]
hadoo! [ laughs .]
hadoo! [ grunts .]
hadoo! [ grunts .]
they're all looking.
[ grunts .]
they're all looking.
They're all looking.
they're all looking.
They're all looking.
hah! Hah! Hah! They're all looking.
hah! Hah! Hah! [ laughter .]
hah! Hah! Hah! [ laughter .]
[ grunting .]
[ laughter .]
[ grunting .]
i'm a security guard.
[ grunting .]
i'm a security guard.
See? I'm a security guard.
See? [ grunting .]
See? [ grunting .]
[ laughter continues .]
[ grunting .]
[ laughter continues .]
pwah! Pwah! [ laughter continues .]
pwah! Pwah! Cha! Hapiyah! Pwah! Pwah! Cha! Hapiyah! Shah! Oh, yeah.
Thanks for shopping.
You're welcome.
[ laughter .]
You're welcome.
[ laughter .]
joe, help this lady with the [ laughter .]
joe, help this lady with the door.
joe, help this lady with the door.
oh.
Door.
oh.
whip the jacket off.
oh.
whip the jacket off.
Hand it to her.
whip the jacket off.
Hand it to her.
Go, "i can't do this anymore.
" Hand it to her.
Go, "i can't do this anymore.
" i can't do this anymore.
Go, "i can't do this anymore.
" i can't do this anymore.
You're --- you're in charge.
i can't do this anymore.
You're --- you're in charge.
[ laughs .]
You're --- you're in charge.
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
come back in and steal [ laughter .]
come back in and steal something now.
come back in and steal something now.
[ laughs .]
Something now.
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
there goes security! [ laughter .]
there goes security! [ laughter .]
There goes security! [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
q, today your name is security guard tony gunk.
Security guard tony gunk.
ah, the gunk! ah, the gunk! expert extraordinaire! expert extraordinaire! tony gunk's on the case.
tony gunk's on the case.
gunk, the last time we put gunk, the last time we put you on a case, you destroyed You on a case, you destroyed half the city! Half the city! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
ah, this girl looks like ah, this girl looks like she's up to something.
She's up to something.
Get to the bottom of it, gunk! Get to the bottom of it, gunk! come on.
come on.
Come on.
Come on.
q, you can't say, "come on" q, you can't say, "come on" enough.
Enough.
come on.
come on.
Come on.
Come on.
We have -- we have cameras.
We have -- we have cameras.
Come on.
Come on.
Knock, knock.
Knock, knock.
Come on.
Come on.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
i got eyeballs.
I got eyeballs.
I-i know what's going on.
I-i know what's going on.
Come on.
Eggs? Come on.
Eggs? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
come on.
Come on! Come on.
Come on! Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on! Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on! [ laughs .]
Come on.
Come on! [ laughs .]
come on.
[ laughs .]
come on.
[ laughter .]
come on.
[ laughter .]
q, get this guy.
[ laughter .]
q, get this guy.
excuse me, sir.
q, get this guy.
excuse me, sir.
didn't we used to be lovers? [ laughter .]
didn't we, uh Didn't we -- didn't we -- didn't we, uh Didn't we -- didn't we -- didn't we used to Didn't we -- didn't we -- didn't we used to [ laughs .]
Didn't we used to [ laughs .]
didn't we, uh [ laughs .]
didn't we, uh Didn't we used toBe didn't we, uh Didn't we used toBe Lovers? Didn't we used toBe Lovers? [ laughter and applause .]
Lovers? [ laughter and applause .]
all right, man! [ laughter and applause .]
all right, man! [ laughter .]
all right, man! [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
hello.
Welcome to nucare.
really doing a bang-up job really doing a bang-up job out there, murr.
Out there, murr.
got my fanny pack on.
got my fanny pack on.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
he's giving you [bleep.]
he's giving you [bleep.]
you don't take that! You don't take that! this is part of my uniform.
this is part of my uniform.
I wear a fanny pack.
I wear a fanny pack.
You don't like it? You don't like it? [ laughter and applause .]
[ laughter and applause .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
mutter.
mutter.
Mutter under your breath.
Mutter under your breath.
scalawag.
scalawag.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you know what's funny? you know what's funny? My friends call me a douche bag.
My friends call me a douche bag.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
i don't know what that is.
i don't know what that is.
What is a douche bag? What is a douche bag? i actually don't know what a i actually don't know what a douche bag is.
[ laughter .]
all: Ohhhhhh! all: Ohhhhhh! murr, don't take that guff murr, don't take that guff from him.
From him.
Arrest him! Arrest him! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ speaks indistinctly .]
[ speaks indistinctly .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you're under arrest, sir.
you're under arrest, sir.
You're under arrest.
You're under arrest.
You got a strong arm.
[ laughter .]
challenge him to an challenge him to an arm-wrestle.
Arm-wrestle.
i bet you $20 that i can beat i bet you $20 that i can beat you in an arm-wrestle.
You in an arm-wrestle.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
start making chicken noises start making chicken noises and clucking like a chicken in a And clucking like a chicken in a circle.
Circle.
[ clucking .]
[ clucking .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
that's it.
that's it.
[ clucking continues .]
[ laughter .]
something's fishy about something's fishy about this guy.
This guy.
yeah.
yeah.
smell him.
smell him.
[ sniffing .]
[ sniffing .]
what? What? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
no.
Just -- No.
Just -- [ laughing .]
what the hell's [ laughing .]
what the hell's wrong with you? Wrong with you? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
say, "i figured out what smells in here.
" say, "i figured out what smells in here.
" i figured out what stinks in Smells in here.
" i figured out what stinks in here.
i figured out what stinks in here.
it's your [bleep.]
Here.
it's your [bleep.]
it's your [bleep.]
it's your [bleep.]
it's your [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
It just came out.
[ laughing .]
it just came out! [ laughing .]
it just came out! [ laughter continues .]
Out! [ laughter continues .]
man! Man! [ laughter continues .]
man! Man! [bleep.]
Man! Man! [bleep.]
i'm gonna die! [bleep.]
i'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! [ laughter continues .]
I'm gonna die! [ laughter continues .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter continues .]
oh, my god.
i never fall down! oh, my god.
i never fall down! I fell down like a sack of i never fall down! I fell down like a sack of [bleep.]
I fell down like a sack of [bleep.]
[ laughter continues .]
[bleep.]
[ laughter continues .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter continues .]
[ ding! .]
narrator: No one did the [ ding! .]
narrator: No one did the crime, so no one's doing the narrator: No one did the crime, so no one's doing the time on the loser board.
Crime, so no one's doing the time on the loser board.
boom! Time on the loser board.
boom! It's time for the rematch! boom! It's time for the rematch! Today we're going head-to-head, It's time for the rematch! Today we're going head-to-head, tournament-style, clipping Today we're going head-to-head, tournament-style, clipping balloons onto unsuspecting Tournament-style, clipping balloons onto unsuspecting shoppers.
we'll be taking turns attaching balloons and trying not to get caught.
Attaching balloons and trying not to get caught.
whoever attaches the most Not to get caught.
whoever attaches the most amount of balloons without whoever attaches the most amount of balloons without getting caught moves on to the Amount of balloons without getting caught moves on to the next round.
Getting caught moves on to the next round.
let's do this! Next round.
let's do this! [ laughs .]
let's do this! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
what?! the gladiators have entered the arena.
The arena.
i'm using my belly to block i'm using my belly to block the balloon.
The balloon.
look at it -- no balloon, look at it -- no balloon, balloon! Balloon! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
what an advantage.
what an advantage.
Here we go.
Look at sal.
oh.
oh.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
both: Ohhh! both: Ohhh! joe gatto on the move! joe gatto on the move! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
joe got it! joe got it! Joe got it! Joe got it! it's on sal! it's on sal! Look at this! Look at this! Oh, this is tense.
Oh, this is tense.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
sal got it! sal got it! sal got it! Go, joe! sal got it! Go, joe! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
oh, my god! Oh, my god! he's got four! he's got four! How did he do this?! How did he do this?! aaaah! aaaah! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
ohhhh! Ohhhh! [ laughing .]
oh-ho! [ laughing .]
oh-ho! Oh-ho-ho-ho! Oh-ho-ho-ho! Whoa! Whoa! brilliant move, joe.
brilliant move, joe.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
holy [bleep.]
holy [bleep.]
do it, sal.
Do it.
Do it, sal.
Do it.
You'll be my hero! You'll be my hero! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
aah! Aaaaaaaah! aah! Aaaaaaaah! Ah-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Joe, let go! Joe, let go! ohh! Ohh! ohh! Ohh! ohhhhh! ohhhhh! i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
You stopped walking.
You stopped walking.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god! [ laughing .]
oh, my god! well done, sal.
well done, sal.
damn it! damn it! tie game, 1-1.
tie game, 1-1.
It's anybody's balloon game.
It's anybody's balloon game.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
he's going for the he's going for the sunglasses! Sunglasses! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
get out! get out! ohh! ohh! ohh! ohh! oh, she didn't see sal.
oh, she didn't see sal.
Joe, it's your turn.
Joe, it's your turn.
wait.
wait.
Joe sees the opportunity.
Joe sees the opportunity.
they're coming on monday.
they're coming on monday.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
oh, joe! oh, joe! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
come on, baby! come on, baby! oh, here we go.
oh, here we go.
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
go, go, go! go, go, go! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
dude! dude! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
ha ha! She saw you! ha ha! She saw you! You got it! Boom! You got it! Boom! what the hell? what the hell? [ laughter .]
ready? yeah.
Let's do it.
yeah.
Let's do it.
all right, boys.
all right, boys.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Murray's up.
Murray's up.
Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! hey, what's that shirt? hey, what's that shirt? What is that shirt? What is that shirt? Oh, cool! Cool! Oh, cool! Cool! both: Ohhhhhhhh! both: Ohhhhhhhh! nice! nice! defense wins games! defense wins games! i always wanted to visit i always wanted to visit korea, though.
Korea, though.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
killing him with killing him with conversation.
Conversation.
wow! wow! do you recommend a specific do you recommend a specific airline when flying to korea? Airline when flying to korea? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's a wash.
it's a wash.
You're still in play.
You're still in play.
You're still in play.
You're still in play.
whew! whew! here we go, boys.
here we go, boys.
ah-choo! ah-choo! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
ohh! It's on! ohh! It's on! here we go.
here we go.
is he gonna get it? is he gonna get it? He's doing balloon to balloon.
He's doing balloon to balloon.
This has never been done before! This has never been done before! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
yeah! Ha ha ha! yeah! Ha ha ha! he's got it! Murr's up! he's got it! Murr's up! yes.
Okay.
yes.
Okay.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
holy [bleep.]
[bleep.]
holy [bleep.]
this is a real nail-biter.
this is a real nail-biter.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Dude, you better hurry up.
Dude, you better hurry up.
She's leaving the aisle.
She's leaving the aisle.
She's leaving the aisle.
She's leaving the aisle.
She's gone! She's gone! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's best 2 out of 3, fellas, it's best 2 out of 3, fellas, so, q, you live to balloon So, q, you live to balloon another day.
Another day.
yeah.
yeah.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
murray's in! murray's in! And that guy is taking off! And that guy is taking off! He's taking off! He's taking off! oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Q better move fast.
Q better move fast.
Q better move fast.
Q better move fast.
Q better move fast! Q better move fast! ohhhhhh! ohhhhhhhhhhhh! he took it off! he took it off! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
whoa! whoa! a classic reversal! a classic reversal! that counts?! that counts?! hold on! hold on! Let me check the rulebook! Let me check the rulebook! It's allowed! It's allowed! it's a win! it's a win! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
that's allowed?! that's allowed?! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
we're all tied up, bitches.
We're all tied up, bitches.
all right.
Here goes q.
all right.
Here goes q.
Q's got a clip.
Q's got a clip.
ohh! Ohh! ohh! Ohh! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
that's one! that's one! both: That's good for one! both: That's good for one! ohhhhhhhh! ohhhhhhhh! two.
two.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
both: Ohhhhhh! both: Ohhhhhh! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
she pointed you out! she pointed you out! oh, i'm sorry.
oh, i'm sorry.
What happened? What happened? This guy put a balloon on you This guy put a balloon on you and she caught him, so, And she caught him, so, technically, he got caught? Technically, he got caught? yeah! yeah! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
thanks for nothin', lady! thanks for nothin', lady! well, my work here is done.
well, my work here is done.
I'll see you in the championship I'll see you in the championship rounds.
this is it.
sudden death.
sudden death.
Sudden death.
Sudden death.
let the best man win.
let the best man win.
Oh, wait -- that might be you.
Oh, wait -- that might be you.
Let the fattest man win.
Let the fattest man win.
Wait.
Wait.
well, that might be me.
well, that might be me.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
ohhhhhh! ohhhhhh! It's on! It's on! And the championship round has And the championship round has begun! Begun! how doesn't she know this?! how doesn't she know this?! It's on her hair! It's on her hair! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
come back! come back! Ohhhhhh! Ohhhhhh! Ohhhhhh! Ohhhhhh! she's got pigtails! she's got pigtails! she looks like she looks like pippi longstocking! Pippi longstocking! oh, my god! oh, my god! oh, my god! oh, my god! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
oh, my god! Aaah! who do you think did it? who do you think did it? aaaaah! aaaaah! continue.
continue.
This is it -- sudden death.
Ohh! [ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! he didn't notice.
he didn't notice.
[ laughter .]
he's like, "i'm never wearing this shirt again.
" This shirt again.
" ohhh.
Ohhh.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
wow! wow! oh, my god! oh, my god! he's gonna notice it again.
he's gonna notice it again.
It's so funny he's not looking It's so funny he's not looking around to see who did it.
Around to see who did it.
He's just like, "why does my He's just like, "why does my shirt keep doing this to me?" Shirt keep doing this to me?" [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
oh, man.
oh, man.
Now he's on the lookout, baby.
Now he's on the lookout, baby.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
oh, my god! oh, my god! Now you're caught! Now you're caught! Now you're caught! Now you're caught! we got a game going, and i Now you're caught! we got a game going, and i just lost.
we got a game going, and i just lost.
all around, guys, that was a Just lost.
all around, guys, that was a battle.
all around, guys, that was a battle.
nice work, buddy.
Battle.
nice work, buddy.
well, you know you gave a nice work, buddy.
well, you know you gave a battle.
well, you know you gave a battle.
i did what i could.
Battle.
i did what i could.
[ laughs .]
i did what i could.
[ laughs .]
ohh! What is he doing?! [ laughs .]
ohh! What is he doing?! He's taking it upon himself to ohh! What is he doing?! He's taking it upon himself to do it to a stranger! He's taking it upon himself to do it to a stranger! [ laughter .]
Do it to a stranger! [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter continues .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter continues .]
he did it! He did it! [ laughter continues .]
he did it! He did it! What is that guy's name? He did it! He did it! What is that guy's name? He's the new champion! What is that guy's name? He's the new champion! you're the new champion! He's the new champion! you're the new champion! Coach david is the new champ! you're the new champion! Coach david is the new champ! [ ding! .]
Coach david is the new champ! [ ding! .]
narrator: Q, murr, and sal [ ding! .]
narrator: Q, murr, and sal went down like lead balloons, so narrator: Q, murr, and sal went down like lead balloons, so it's time for a three-way Went down like lead balloons, so it's time for a three-way punishment.
It's time for a three-way punishment.
we're at east side ink, Punishment.
we're at east side ink, getting tattoos for the losers! we're at east side ink, getting tattoos for the losers! this is the first punishment Getting tattoos for the losers! this is the first punishment that is permanent.
this is the first punishment that is permanent.
when it's up to me, that's That is permanent.
when it's up to me, that's where my mind goes -- when it's up to me, that's where my mind goes -- permanent punishments.
Where my mind goes -- permanent punishments.
are you gonna tell us what Permanent punishments.
are you gonna tell us what tattoos we're getting first? are you gonna tell us what tattoos we're getting first? yes, after you get them! Tattoos we're getting first? yes, after you get them! [ laughter .]
yes, after you get them! [ laughter .]
i don't like that.
[ laughter .]
i don't like that.
You're not comforting me by i don't like that.
You're not comforting me by saying that.
You're not comforting me by say a tattoo is a personal thing.
Say a tattoo is a personal thing.
It's a very -- you have to It's a very -- you have to choose it.
don't worry.
Choose it.
don't worry.
I chose it for you based on your don't worry.
I chose it for you based on your personalities.
I chose it for you based on your personalities.
i need it in a spot that's Personalities.
i need it in a spot that's not gonna be seen by my mom.
i need it in a spot that's not gonna be seen by my mom.
how 'bout national Not gonna be seen by my mom.
how 'bout national television? how 'bout national television? all right, fellas.
Television? all right, fellas.
It's time to get inked.
all right, fellas.
It's time to get inked.
[ laughs nervously .]
It's time to get inked.
[ laughs nervously .]
[ needle buzzing .]
[ laughs nervously .]
[ needle buzzing .]
we're gonna go right here, [ needle buzzing .]
we're gonna go right here, right on the ham hock.
we're gonna go right here, right on the ham hock.
oh [bleep.]
Right on the ham hock.
oh [bleep.]
all right.
Are you ready? oh [bleep.]
all right.
Are you ready? [ needle buzzing .]
all right.
Are you ready? [ needle buzzing .]
[ laughs .]
[ needle buzzing .]
[ laughs .]
is this the first time you've [ laughs .]
is this the first time you've gotten one sober? Is this the first time you've gotten one sober? who said i'm sober? Gotten one sober? who said i'm sober? [ laughs .]
who said i'm sober? [ laughs .]
wow.
That hurts.
[ laughs .]
wow.
That hurts.
[bleep.]
wow.
That hurts.
[bleep.]
[ whimpering .]
[bleep.]
[ whimpering .]
i can't believe this is [ whimpering .]
i can't believe this is happening.
i can't believe this is happening.
oh, man.
What a nightmare.
Happening.
oh, man.
What a nightmare.
the worst part is not knowing oh, man.
What a nightmare.
the worst part is not knowing what's going on me.
the worst part is not knowing what's going on me.
can i look at this thing yet? What's going on me.
can i look at this thing yet? look at what thing? can i look at this thing yet? look at what thing? the tattoo.
look at what thing? the tattoo.
what tattoo? the tattoo.
what tattoo? how big is this thing?! what tattoo? how big is this thing?! dude, where the [bleep.]
did how big is this thing?! dude, where the [bleep.]
did you get that? dude, where the [bleep.]
did you get that? i'm just enjoying myself.
You get that? i'm just enjoying myself.
It's a beautiful day here.
i'm just enjoying myself.
It's a beautiful day here.
It's a beautiful day in It's a beautiful day here.
It's a beautiful day in east side ink.
It's a beautiful day in east side ink.
you're a stupid ass.
East side ink.
you're a stupid ass.
You're a [bleep.]
[bleep.]
you're a stupid ass.
You're a [bleep.]
[bleep.]
are we excited?! You're a [bleep.]
[bleep.]
are we excited?! I'm so excited! are we excited?! I'm so excited! all right.
I'm so excited! all right.
wait, wait, wait.
all right.
wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait.
Are you ready? wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait.
Are you ready? Quinn, are you ready? Wait, wait.
Are you ready? Quinn, are you ready? i just want to get it over Quinn, are you ready? i just want to get it over with.
i just want to get it over with.
i'm not even ready for yours! With.
i'm not even ready for yours! here we go! i'm not even ready for yours! here we go! take it off! It's so hard to pull this off! take it off! "38, lives alone, take it off! "38, lives alone, has 3 cats.
" "38, lives alone, has 3 cats.
" [ laughter .]
Has 3 cats.
" [ laughter .]
it's like a biography! [ laughter .]
it's like a biography! You basically got a tattoo that It's like a biography! You basically got a tattoo that brands you a loser.
You basically got a tattoo that brands you a loser.
[ laughter .]
Brands you a loser.
[ laughter .]
i'm only gonna be 38 for [ laughter .]
i'm only gonna be 38 for another two months! i'm only gonna be 38 for another two months! [ laughter .]
Another two months! [ laughter .]
you think that's bad? [ laughter .]
you think that's bad? You're up.
you think that's bad? You're up.
all right.
You're up.
all right.
Let's see what we got.
all right.
Let's see what we got.
this is your first tattoo Let's see what we got.
this is your first tattoo ever.
this is your first tattoo ever.
here we go, murr.
Ever.
here we go, murr.
here we go, murr.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's a ferret skydiving! [ laughter .]
it's a ferret skydiving! [ laughter continues .]
It's a ferret skydiving! [ laughter continues .]
come on, man! [ laughter continues .]
come on, man! oh, my god.
come on, man! oh, my god.
Look.
It's screaming like a oh, my god.
Look.
It's screaming like a bitch, just like you did.
Look.
It's screaming like a bitch, just like you did.
[ laughter .]
Bitch, just like you did.
[ laughter .]
in case you guys missed it at [ laughter .]
in case you guys missed it at home, let's put up a In case you guys missed it at home, let's put up a side-by-side real quick.
Home, let's put up a side-by-side real quick.
aaah! Side-by-side real quick.
aaah! that's what murray looks aaah! that's what murray looks like, right? that's what murray looks like, right? [ laughter .]
Like, right? [ laughter .]
it's a ferret cry-diving.
[ laughter .]
it's a ferret cry-diving.
i don't look like a [bleep.]
It's a ferret cry-diving.
i don't look like a [bleep.]
ferret! i don't look like a [bleep.]
ferret! [bleep.]
Ferret! [bleep.]
all right, sal.
[bleep.]
all right, sal.
You're up.
all right, sal.
You're up.
[ laughs .]
You're up.
[ laughs .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughs .]
[ sighs .]
like a band-aid, buddy.
[ sighs .]
like a band-aid, buddy.
pull it off.
like a band-aid, buddy.
pull it off.
3, 2, 1.
pull it off.
3, 2, 1.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god! Is that jaden smith?! wow! Is that jaden smith?! wow! that's not real! wow! that's not real! That's not real! that's not real! That's not real! That's a joke! That's not real! That's a joke! What the [bleep.]
does that have That's a joke! What the [bleep.]
does that have to do with me?! What the [bleep.]
does that have to do with me?! [ laughs .]
To do with me?! [ laughs .]
it's funny.
[ laughs .]
it's funny.
[ laughter .]
It's funny.
[ laughter .]
why is mine 100 times worse [ laughter .]
why is mine 100 times worse than theirs? why is mine 100 times worse than theirs? i don't know if it's worse.
Than theirs? i don't know if it's worse.
His is bad.
He's got a cat.
i don't know if it's worse.
His is bad.
He's got a cat.
[bleep.]
you! His is bad.
He's got a cat.
[bleep.]
you! You [bleep.]
put will smith's son [bleep.]
you! You [bleep.]
put will smith's son on my [bleep.]
thing! You [bleep.]
put will smith's son on my [bleep.]
thing! Why would you do that to me?! On my [bleep.]
thing! Why would you do that to me?! I'm your best [bleep.]
friend, Why would you do that to me?! I'm your best [bleep.]
friend, you dope! I'm your best [bleep.]
friend, you dope! Oh, my god! You dope! Oh, my god! I can't believe this! Oh, my god! I can't believe this! This is gonna change our whole I can't believe this! This is gonna change our whole friendship.
This is gonna change our whole friendship.
This is gonna change our whole Friendship.
This is gonna change our whole entire friendship from this day This is gonna change our whole entire friendship from this day forward! Entire friendship from this day forward! hey, jaden smith cannot come Forward! hey, jaden smith cannot come between us.
hey, jaden smith cannot come between us.
he's in between us right now.
Between us.
he's in between us right now.
Dude, why doesn't he have willow he's in between us right now.
Dude, why doesn't he have willow and he has jada? Dude, why doesn't he have willow and he has jada? Why wouldn't you just give us And he has jada? Why wouldn't you just give us all the smiths?! Why wouldn't you just give us all the smiths?! [ laughs .]
how are you gonna live with this for the rest of your life?! This for the rest of your life?! if i were you, i wouldn't go if i were you, i wouldn't go to prison.
To prison.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
don't ever get arrested.
don't ever get arrested.
calling all cars! calling all cars! Calling all cars! Calling all cars! There's a white male, 6 feet There's a white male, 6 feet tall, 220 pounds, has a Tall, 220 pounds, has a jaden smith tattoo!