Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e27 Episode Script
Parks & Wreck
narrator: Coming up Why is murr rubbing people the wrong way? Why is murr rubbing people the wrong way? oh, my god! Wrong way? oh, my god! narrator: What's got sal oh, my god! narrator: What's got sal giving the old heave-ho? narrator: What's got sal giving the old heave-ho? [ retches .]
Giving the old heave-ho? [ retches .]
narrator: And which joker [ retches .]
narrator: And which joker will go to town on city hall in narrator: And which joker will go to town on city hall in tonight's punishment? Will go to town on city hall in tonight's punishment? [ laughter .]
Tonight's punishment? [ laughter .]
prepare for something [ laughter .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
i will never forgive you! larry! i will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today we're at foxwoods resort and casino, relaxing by the pool.
Foxwoods resort and casino, relaxing by the pool.
but here's the thing -- we Relaxing by the pool.
but here's the thing -- we don't know what we have to do but here's the thing -- we don't know what we have to do until we actually get poolside.
Don't know what we have to do until we actually get poolside.
that's right.
Until we actually get poolside.
that's right.
The other guys will give us an that's right.
The other guys will give us an embarrassing task that we have The other guys will give us an embarrassing task that we have to accomplish.
if you can't do what you got to do, you lose.
To do, you lose.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! [ laughs .]
joey! here we go, joe.
here we go, joe.
he just looks like a he just looks like a look hip.
Look hip.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what are we doing at the what are we doing at the pool? Pool? all right, so, we need you to all right, so, we need you to cannonball.
Cannonball.
yep.
yep.
in the shallow end? kind of.
in the shallow end? kind of.
[ laughter .]
kind of.
[ laughter .]
turn around.
[ laughter .]
turn around.
oh, come on.
turn around.
oh, come on.
[ laughter .]
oh, come on.
[ laughter .]
he needs a level of accuracy [ laughter .]
he needs a level of accuracy i don't know that he has.
he needs a level of accuracy i don't know that he has.
[ laughs .]
I don't know that he has.
[ laughs .]
it's like a cork going into a [ laughs .]
it's like a cork going into a wine bottle.
it's like a cork going into a wine bottle.
[ laughter .]
Wine bottle.
[ laughter .]
all right, , here we go.
[ laughter .]
all right, , here we go.
[ dramatic music plays .]
all right, , here we go.
[ dramatic music plays .]
oh! [ dramatic music plays .]
oh! Oh, he's gonna drench them, man.
oh! Oh, he's gonna drench them, man.
cannonball! Oh, he's gonna drench them, man.
cannonball! [ laughs .]
cannonball! [ laughs .]
[ women scream .]
[ laughs .]
[ women scream .]
[ laughing .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
Murr, you have an issue with your pasty white.
Your pasty white.
You burn, right? You burn, right? yes, i'm usually pasty white.
yes, i'm usually pasty white.
you put on lotion right you put on lotion right before you went out there? Before you went out there? yeah.
yeah.
do you think everybody out do you think everybody out there put lotion on? There put lotion on? why? why? you got to go out there and you got to go out there and apply lotion to a stranger.
Apply lotion to a stranger.
oh.
oh.
but don't ask permission.
Just do it.
but don't ask permission.
Just do it.
[ laughs .]
Just do it.
[ laughs .]
you know who i bet doesn't [ laughs .]
you know who i bet doesn't have lotion on? you know who i bet doesn't have lotion on? Like -- like, an older guy.
Have lotion on? Like -- like, an older guy.
i feel like his upper lip Like -- like, an older guy.
i feel like his upper lip would be protected, though, by i feel like his upper lip would be protected, though, by maybe a mustache.
Would be protected, though, by maybe a mustache.
[ laughs .]
Maybe a mustache.
[ laughs .]
like a huge mustache.
[ laughs .]
like a huge mustache.
he probably has a lot of like a huge mustache.
he probably has a lot of forehead.
he probably has a lot of forehead.
Oh, how about this guy? Forehead.
Oh, how about this guy? [ laughter .]
Oh, how about this guy? [ laughter .]
oh, come on! [ laughter .]
oh, come on! i'm sure his naked body is oh, come on! i'm sure his naked body is not protected.
i'm sure his naked body is not protected.
i can't ask for permission? Not protected.
i can't ask for permission? that's right.
i can't ask for permission? that's right.
them's the rules.
that's right.
them's the rules.
i'm frozen.
them's the rules.
i'm frozen.
[ chuckling .]
i can't do it.
i'm frozen.
[ chuckling .]
i can't do it.
I can't do it.
[ chuckling .]
i can't do it.
I can't do it.
you can always take the loss, I can't do it.
you can always take the loss, murr.
you can always take the loss, murr.
yeah.
Murr.
yeah.
you walk over to this guy and yeah.
you walk over to this guy and apply lotion, and you invade his you walk over to this guy and apply lotion, and you invade his personal space.
Apply lotion, and you invade his personal space.
This guy's gonna show you what's Personal space.
This guy's gonna show you what's up.
Oh! they say the moon landing's they say the moon landing's fake.
Fake.
Yeah, you got this spot right Yeah, you got this spot right there.
There.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
they say the moon landing's They say the moon landing's fake.
Fake.
Some people say it was like a Some people say it was like a government conspiracy.
Government conspiracy.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
i don't know.
What do you think? I don't know.
What do you think? Personally, i think the Personally, i think the government's too inept to fake the moon landing.
Government's too inept to fake the moon landing.
you're talking about the moon The moon landing.
you're talking about the moon landing?! you're talking about the moon landing?! [ laughter .]
Landing?! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! he's letting him do it! oh, my god! he's letting him do it! [ chuckling .]
they say -- he's letting him do it! [ chuckling .]
they say -- they say that they actually [ chuckling .]
they say -- they say that they actually built -- it was a hollywood They say that they actually built -- it was a hollywood sound stage that they faked the Built -- it was a hollywood sound stage that they faked the moon landing on.
Sound stage that they faked the moon landing on.
What do you think? You don't believe it? You think it was real? You think it was real? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
he's ignoring that a stranger he's ignoring that a stranger is applying lotion and engaging the conversation about Is applying lotion and engaging the conversation about conspiracy theories.
The conversation about conspiracy theories.
[ laughter .]
Conspiracy theories.
[ laughter .]
there you go.
[ laughter .]
there you go.
[ laughter .]
there you go.
[ laughter .]
could we get a daiquiri? [ laughter .]
could we get a daiquiri? [ laughter .]
Could we get a daiquiri? [ laughter .]
two daiquiris.
[ laughter .]
two daiquiris.
wow! two daiquiris.
wow! [ ding! .]
wow! [ ding! .]
oh! Very good.
[ ding! .]
oh! Very good.
look! oh! Very good.
look! He's got a sheen of lotion! look! He's got a sheen of lotion! It looks like a lotion grenade He's got a sheen of lotion! It looks like a lotion grenade went off poolside and this guy It looks like a lotion grenade went off poolside and this guy caught shrapnel all over his Went off poolside and this guy caught shrapnel all over his face and upper body.
Caught shrapnel all over his face and upper body.
this guy's the best! Face and upper body.
this guy's the best! Look at him.
this guy's the best! Look at him.
He's still out there enjoying Look at him.
He's still out there enjoying it.
He's still out there enjoying it.
[ laughing .]
i was shaking, It.
[ laughing .]
i was shaking, man.
[ laughing .]
i was shaking, man.
the moon landing? Man.
the moon landing? i didn't know what to say.
the moon landing? i didn't know what to say.
I was trying to distract him.
i didn't know what to say.
I was trying to distract him.
all right, sal, you're up.
I was trying to distract him.
all right, sal, you're up.
That's it.
all right, sal, you're up.
That's it.
Go talk to these kids about the That's it.
Go talk to these kids about the birds and the bees.
Go talk to these kids about the birds and the bees.
[ laughs .]
Birds and the bees.
[ laughs .]
that's you.
[ laughs .]
that's you.
no.
that's you.
no.
[ laughter .]
no.
[ laughter .]
go out there.
[ laughter .]
go out there.
no.
No! go out there.
no.
No! Oh, no! no.
No! Oh, no! get out there.
what? Are you guys playing hide-and-go-seek? Hide-and-go-seek? [ chuckles .]
[ chuckles .]
let's see this smooth let's see this smooth transition.
Transition.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you guys know about when a you guys know about when a [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
uh Uh [bleep.]
[bleep.]
you know when a You know when a You know when a You know when a [ stutters .]
[ stutters .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you know when, like, a man and a You know when, like, a man and a woman meet, when two people Woman meet, when two people f-fall in love? F-fall in love? Yeah.
Yeah.
And then, uh And then, uh A stork [ laughter .]
A stork [ laughter .]
no! The real way, bud.
[ laughter .]
no! The real way, bud.
i feel really, really weird no! The real way, bud.
i feel really, really weird right now.
i feel really, really weird right now.
yeah, you should.
Right now.
yeah, you should.
you guys -- you guys -- you yeah, you should.
you guys -- you guys -- you guys know w-w-w-what -- what -- you guys -- you guys -- you guys know w-w-w-what -- what -- what love is, yeah? UmWhen a man and a woman decide that they want to make a Decide that they want to make a family Family W-why are we even talking about W-why are we even talking about this? This? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
one day, you're gonna get old, One day, you're gonna get old, and then you're gonna want to And then you're gonna want to say, "hey, i'm an adult.
Say, "hey, i'm an adult.
I'm gonna do an adult thing.
" I'm gonna do an adult thing.
" and, uh And, uh You know that you were born, You know that you were born, right? Right? You know what born is? You know what born is? You were born a couple of weeks You were born a couple of weeks ago? Ago? She's full of [bleep.]
She's full of [bleep.]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
i can't do it.
i can't do it.
[ laughter .]
all right, well, if you can't [ laughter .]
all right, well, if you can't do it, we've got another option.
all right, well, if you can't do it, we've got another option.
yeah, yeah.
Do it, we've got another option.
yeah, yeah.
what do you got? yeah, yeah.
what do you got? q's got something for you.
what do you got? q's got something for you.
you're a good kid.
q's got something for you.
you're a good kid.
You're a good kid.
you're a good kid.
You're a good kid.
You're a good kid.
You're a good kid.
You're a good kid.
here's q.
You're a good kid.
here's q.
hey.
here's q.
hey.
just drink some pool water.
hey.
just drink some pool water.
no, no, no, no.
just drink some pool water.
no, no, no, no.
drink some pool water.
no, no, no, no.
drink some pool water.
[ laughs .]
drink some pool water.
[ laughs .]
you have options here.
[ laughs .]
you have options here.
no, no, no.
you have options here.
no, no, no.
just drink some pool water.
no, no, no.
just drink some pool water.
[ laughs .]
just drink some pool water.
[ laughs .]
hold on.
[ laughs .]
hold on.
Let me help you out.
hold on.
Let me help you out.
Let me help you out.
Let me help you out.
Let me help you out.
oh, no, that's gross! Let me help you out.
oh, no, that's gross! that's only 20% human urine.
oh, no, that's gross! that's only 20% human urine.
[ laughter .]
that's only 20% human urine.
[ laughter .]
so [ laughter .]
so would you drink that? So would you drink that? i don't have to drink it.
would you drink that? i don't have to drink it.
It's not my job to drink it.
i don't have to drink it.
It's not my job to drink it.
It's your job to drink it.
It's not my job to drink it.
It's your job to drink it.
oh, my god! It's your job to drink it.
oh, my god! just shoot it.
oh, my god! just shoot it.
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
are you insane?! oh, my god! are you insane?! oh, my god! every single one of those oh, my god! every single one of those kids peed in that pool.
every single one of those kids peed in that pool.
they might as well have just Kids peed in that pool.
they might as well have just pissed in the cup and handed it they might as well have just pissed in the cup and handed it to him.
Pissed in the cup and handed it to him.
[ laughter .]
To him.
[ laughter .]
i'm gonna -- where should i [ laughter .]
i'm gonna -- where should i throw up? i'm gonna -- where should i throw up? outside.
Throw up? outside.
are you seriously gonna throw outside.
are you seriously gonna throw up? are you seriously gonna throw up? [ retches .]
Up? [ retches .]
there was like eight kids [ retches .]
there was like eight kids right around him.
there was like eight kids right around him.
That's straight-up urine.
Right around him.
That's straight-up urine.
[bleep.]
That's straight-up urine.
[bleep.]
[ ding! .]
[bleep.]
[ ding! .]
[ retching .]
hey, q, when you were younger, were you one of those Younger, were you one of those annoying people that splashed Annoying people that splashed people and dunked people in the People and dunked people in the pool? Pool? no, i don't find that no, i don't find that behavior acceptable.
Behavior acceptable.
why don't you step in the why don't you step in the shallow end of the pool there? Shallow end of the pool there? Go ahead.
Get in the pool.
Go ahead.
Get in the pool.
I'm just gonna have you go in I'm just gonna have you go in and dunk somebody.
no, no.
You know what? And dunk somebody.
no, no.
You know what? No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
no, no.
You know what? No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No, that's not what you're No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No, that's not what you're doing.
No, that's not what you're doing.
[ laughs .]
Doing.
[ laughs .]
what's he doing? [ laughs .]
what's he doing? ha-ha-ha! what's he doing? ha-ha-ha! I know where this is going.
ha-ha-ha! I know where this is going.
where is this guy? I know where this is going.
where is this guy? how are you doing, buddy? where is this guy? how are you doing, buddy? [ laughter .]
how are you doing, buddy? [ laughter .]
how's everything? [ laughter .]
how's everything? hey.
What's going on, pal? How's everything? hey.
What's going on, pal? yeah.
hey.
What's going on, pal? yeah.
Your new thing is to drink the yeah.
Your new thing is to drink the water.
Your new thing is to drink the water.
both: Ahhh! Water.
both: Ahhh! and that's how much you're both: Ahhh! and that's how much you're gonna drink, too.
and that's how much you're gonna drink, too.
i came out to help you Gonna drink, too.
i came out to help you before.
i came out to help you before.
that's what he's gonna do.
Before.
that's what he's gonna do.
[ laughter .]
that's what he's gonna do.
[ laughter .]
i'll take the loss.
[ laughter .]
i'll take the loss.
it's in your mouth again! i'll take the loss.
it's in your mouth again! [ laughter .]
it's in your mouth again! [ laughter .]
q, tell these little kids how [ laughter .]
q, tell these little kids how sex works and you don't have to q, tell these little kids how sex works and you don't have to take the loss.
Sex works and you don't have to take the loss.
okay, hold on one second.
Take the loss.
okay, hold on one second.
[ laughs .]
okay, hold on one second.
[ laughs .]
aah! [ laughs .]
aah! what happens is, um, a aah! what happens is, um, a m-m-man and a woman fall in what happens is, um, a m-m-man and a woman fall in love.
M-m-man and a woman fall in love.
He takes his penis and puts it Love.
He takes his penis and puts it in the vagina.
He takes his penis and puts it in the vagina.
Nine months later, there's a In the vagina.
Nine months later, there's a baby.
Nine months later, there's a baby.
[ laughter .]
Baby.
[ laughter .]
you took the win! [ laughter .]
you took the win! We'll give you the win! you took the win! We'll give you the win! q gets the win! We'll give you the win! q gets the win! [ children laughing .]
q gets the win! [ children laughing .]
it's not funny.
[ children laughing .]
it's not funny.
It's not funny.
it's not funny.
It's not funny.
[ laughter .]
It's not funny.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
narrator: None of the jokers [ ding! .]
narrator: None of the jokers belly-flopped this challenge, so narrator: None of the jokers belly-flopped this challenge, so the loser board is bone dry.
Belly-flopped this challenge, so the loser board is bone dry.
today we're at caffébene The loser board is bone dry.
today we're at caffébene looking for advice from today we're at caffébene looking for advice from strangers about our Looking for advice from strangers about our super-important e-mail that Strangers about our super-important e-mail that we're writing.
Super-important e-mail that we're writing.
except the e-mail was written We're writing.
except the e-mail was written by the other guys and we have no except the e-mail was written by the other guys and we have no idea what it says until we read By the other guys and we have no idea what it says until we read it out loud.
the goal is to get the stranger to admit that that Stranger to admit that that e-mail's ready to send.
E-mail's ready to send.
if it ain't ready to send, if it ain't ready to send, you're gonna go right in the You're gonna go right in the trash bin -- boom! Trash bin -- boom! oh, ho! oh, ho! delete that, murr! delete that, murr! is that the -- is that the -- that's how you delete.
that's how you delete.
[ laughter .]
do you mind if i rest this here? Here? no, man.
no, man.
thanks so much, dude.
thanks so much, dude.
he's in.
He's in.
he's in.
He's in.
here we go.
here we go.
open up your drafts folder, open up your drafts folder, sal.
Sal.
hey, bud, can i get your hey, bud, can i get your opinion quickly on one thing? Opinion quickly on one thing? I'm just writing an e-mail to my I'm just writing an e-mail to my buddy, and before i hit send, i just wanted to get someone's Buddy, and before i hit send, i just wanted to get someone's opinion on it.
Just wanted to get someone's opinion on it.
all right.
Opinion on it.
all right.
thanks.
all right.
thanks.
The subject is "barbecue pit.
" thanks.
The subject is "barbecue pit.
" all right.
The subject is "barbecue pit.
" all right.
it says, "dear roy" -- that's all right.
it says, "dear roy" -- that's my friend roy -- "hey, idiot.
" it says, "dear roy" -- that's my friend roy -- "hey, idiot.
" [ laughter .]
My friend roy -- "hey, idiot.
" [ laughter .]
"i'm sorry that i ruined your [ laughter .]
"i'm sorry that i ruined your flag day celebration by being "i'm sorry that i ruined your flag day celebration by being too awesome and jump-kicking the Flag day celebration by being too awesome and jump-kicking the barbecue pit, which caused a Too awesome and jump-kicking the barbecue pit, which caused a totally sweet fire that mostly Barbecue pit, which caused a totally sweet fire that mostly everyone enjoyed.
" Totally sweet fire that mostly everyone enjoyed.
" "hope your sister grows into Everyone enjoyed.
" "hope your sister grows into her" "hope your sister grows into her" [ laughter .]
Her" [ laughter .]
"hope your sister grows into her [ laughter .]
"hope your sister grows into her teeth soon.
"hope your sister grows into her teeth soon.
Smell ya later.
Ja'crispy.
" [ laughter .]
my friend has this yearly My friend has this yearly barbecue.
Everyone comes over.
Barbecue.
Everyone comes over.
Every year we try to top it.
Everyone comes over.
Every year we try to top it.
He has like a flag day barbecue.
Every year we try to top it.
He has like a flag day barbecue.
i'll give you 50 bucks if you He has like a flag day barbecue.
i'll give you 50 bucks if you can tell me when flag day is.
i'll give you 50 bucks if you can tell me when flag day is.
you know, flag day Can tell me when flag day is.
you know, flag day [ laughter .]
you know, flag day [ laughter .]
should i send it? [ laughter .]
should i send it? [ laughter .]
"should i just put 'p.
S.
-- I love you lots'"? Love you lots'"? should i add "p.
S.
-- I love should i add "p.
S.
-- I love you lots"? You lots"? so, he should change the so, he should change the letter? Letter? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
so it's not ready to send.
So it's not ready to send.
boom! boom! so it's not ready to hit so it's not ready to hit send? Send? all: Aah! all: Aah! okay.
okay.
[ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
scusi.
scusi.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
hey, bud, i'm writing an hey, bud, i'm writing an e-mail, and i'd like to get a E-mail, and i'd like to get a second opinion on it.
Second opinion on it.
You got a second? You got a second? The subject's "you're a baby.
" The subject's "you're a baby.
" it's to jen.
here we go.
It's to jen.
here we go.
"jen, i'm sorry for not being here we go.
"jen, i'm sorry for not being 'there' for you when you had our "jen, i'm sorry for not being 'there' for you when you had our baby.
'there' for you when you had our baby.
In all fairness, i'm not Baby.
In all fairness, i'm not convinced it's mine, even after In all fairness, i'm not convinced it's mine, even after the paternity test came back Convinced it's mine, even after the paternity test came back The paternity test came back [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
"in my defense, i told you if [ laughter .]
"in my defense, i told you if you had a girl, i was out.
"in my defense, i told you if you had a girl, i was out.
You knew this, but you still had You had a girl, i was out.
You knew this, but you still had a girl.
You knew this, but you still had a girl.
You made that choice.
" A girl.
You made that choice.
" [ laughter .]
You made that choice.
" [ laughter .]
"you gave birth to a girl [ laughter .]
"you gave birth to a girl instead of a boy like i "you gave birth to a girl instead of a boy like i specifically told you that i Instead of a boy like i specifically told you that i wanted.
Specifically told you that i wanted.
Check your e-mail box.
Wanted.
Check your e-mail box.
The subject of the e-mail was Check your e-mail box.
The subject of the e-mail was 'if you have a girl, i'm out.
'" The subject of the e-mail was 'if you have a girl, i'm out.
'" [ laughter .]
'if you have a girl, i'm out.
'" [ laughter .]
"but since i can't afford any [ laughter .]
"but since i can't afford any more lawyers to contest it, i "but since i can't afford any more lawyers to contest it, i think it's best we raise this More lawyers to contest it, i think it's best we raise this thing together.
" Think it's best we raise this thing together.
" "this thing.
" Thing together.
" "this thing.
" [ laughs .]
"this thing.
" [ laughs .]
"i don't want to be called a [ laughs .]
"i don't want to be called a deadbeat dad.
"i don't want to be called a deadbeat dad.
People already say so many, many Deadbeat dad.
People already say so many, many mean things about me.
People already say so many, many mean things about me.
This dude just called me Mean things about me.
This dude just called me 'turd-mouth.
'" This dude just called me 'turd-mouth.
'" [ laughs .]
'turd-mouth.
'" [ laughs .]
"all my best, joey.
" [ laughs .]
"all my best, joey.
" [ laughter .]
So, do you think this thing's ready to hit send? Ready to hit send? yeah-ha-ha! yeah-ha-ha! that's how you're gonna that's how you're gonna accept the responsibility of Accept the responsibility of raising a child? Raising a child? i say "all my best.
" i say "all my best.
" even steven with "all my best.
" Even steven with "all my best.
" [ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
how bad she's [ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
how bad she's That girl's crying! [ laughing .]
how bad she's That girl's crying! okay, so, this is ready to That girl's crying! okay, so, this is ready to send.
okay, so, this is ready to send.
[ tone plays .]
Send.
[ tone plays .]
[ laughter .]
Here we go.
i'm sorry to interrupt.
I was wondering if you could i'm sorry to interrupt.
I was wondering if you could just help me with something for I was wondering if you could just help me with something for a quick second.
Just help me with something for a quick second.
I'm just doing a letter of I'm just doing a letter of resignation.
"to mr.
Herrera, it's with great Resignation.
"to mr.
Herrera, it's with great regret that i have to leave the "to mr.
Herrera, it's with great regret that i have to leave the company after almost a decade, Regret that i have to leave the company after almost a decade, but i am not a man who Company after almost a decade, but i am not a man who compromises when my integrity is But i am not a man who compromises when my integrity is involved.
Compromises when my integrity is involved.
If i can't do my impression of Involved.
If i can't do my impression of hong kong tony" -- of course -- If i can't do my impression of hong kong tony" -- of course -- "then this isn't the kind of Hong kong tony" -- of course -- "then this isn't the kind of company i want to work for.
" "then this isn't the kind of company i want to work for.
" i've been doing hong kong tony Company i want to work for.
" i've been doing hong kong tony impersonations for a decade now.
I've been doing hong kong tony impersonations for a decade now.
I'm suddenly gonna stop? Impersonations for a decade now.
I'm suddenly gonna stop? What? I'm suddenly gonna stop? What? I pull out that rice hat for no What? I pull out that rice hat for no reason? I pull out that rice hat for no reason? [ laughs .]
Reason? [ laughs .]
all right, "call me crazy, [ laughs .]
all right, "call me crazy, but working here was like all right, "call me crazy, but working here was like working for a guy who tells me But working here was like working for a guy who tells me what to do all the time.
" Working for a guy who tells me what to do all the time.
" no.
What to do all the time.
" no.
like his boss? No.
like his boss? [ laughter .]
like his boss? [ laughter .]
and remember, i'm quitting.
[ laughter .]
and remember, i'm quitting.
You are not firing me.
" and remember, i'm quitting.
You are not firing me.
" [ laughter .]
You are not firing me.
" [ laughter .]
"it's my decision.
[ laughter .]
"it's my decision.
You could push me into "it's my decision.
You could push me into resigning, and i'll not only You could push me into resigning, and i'll not only resign, but i'll re-sign your Resigning, and i'll not only resign, but i'll re-sign your cast after i break your legs.
" Resign, but i'll re-sign your cast after i break your legs.
" [ laughter .]
Cast after i break your legs.
" [ laughter .]
eh! [ laughter .]
eh! "regards, tony gunk.
" so Eh! "regards, tony gunk.
" so [ laughter .]
"regards, tony gunk.
" so [ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
tony gunk.
i'm tony gunk.
Hi.
How are you? How are you? Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Uh, is it okay if tony gunk Uh, is it okay if tony gunk sends that? Yeah? Sends that? Yeah? ohhh! Yeah? ohhh! Hong kong tony gunk! ohhh! Hong kong tony gunk! just hit send for me right Hong kong tony gunk! just hit send for me right there.
just hit send for me right there.
Just hit return.
There.
Just hit return.
Yeah, it's just right there, Just hit return.
Yeah, it's just right there, just right there.
Yeah, it's just right there, just right there.
[ tone plays .]
Just right there.
[ tone plays .]
[ laughter .]
is anybody sitting here? Good? Good? Thanks.
Thanks.
here we go.
here we go.
listen, bud, i'm trying to listen, bud, i'm trying to write an e-mail, and i don't Write an e-mail, and i don't know if i'm phrasing it the Know if i'm phrasing it the right away.
Right away.
Give me your opinion, okay? Give me your opinion, okay? It's "hey, trish, wanted to It's "hey, trish, wanted to apologize about the incident at the wedding.
Apologize about the incident at the wedding.
Totally my fault for being The wedding.
Totally my fault for being insensitive.
Totally my fault for being insensitive.
That being said, just because Insensitive.
That being said, just because i'm sorry doesn't mean" "doesn't mean you ain't a stank right hood rat with crooked teeth.
" Right hood rat with crooked teeth.
" [ laughter .]
Teeth.
" [ laughter .]
"again, i'm truly sorry, and [ laughter .]
"again, i'm truly sorry, and again, your teeth look like corn "again, i'm truly sorry, and again, your teeth look like corn chips.
" Again, your teeth look like corn chips.
" [ laughter .]
Chips.
" [ laughter .]
"i'm so sorry, and your dentist [ laughter .]
"i'm so sorry, and your dentist should be, too.
"i'm so sorry, and your dentist should be, too.
Sincerely, james.
" Do you think it's ready to send? Should i just go for it? Yes.
[ laughter .]
So, should i just take out the apology and just call her a Apology and just call her a stank right hood rat? Stank right hood rat? Oh, i see your point.
Oh, i see your point.
what are the odds murray knows what that reference -- what are the odds murray knows what that reference -- like, what a stank right Knows what that reference -- like, what a stank right probably pretty good, Like, what a stank right probably pretty good, actually.
probably pretty good, actually.
yeah, he's dated a bunch.
Actually.
yeah, he's dated a bunch.
[ laughter .]
yeah, he's dated a bunch.
[ laughter .]
four things are true.
[ laughter .]
four things are true.
Yes, i ruined the wedding.
four things are true.
Yes, i ruined the wedding.
I'm sorry.
Yes, i ruined the wedding.
I'm sorry.
But yes, she's a stank right I'm sorry.
But yes, she's a stank right hood rat with crooked teeth.
But yes, she's a stank right hood rat with crooked teeth.
[ laughter .]
Should i just go for it and hit send? Send? I should do it? I should do it? all: Oh! all: Oh! 'cause he stopped caring.
'cause he stopped caring.
The guy just wants to go back to his lunch.
The guy just wants to go back to his lunch.
to hell with that stank-ass His lunch.
to hell with that stank-ass hood rat.
to hell with that stank-ass hood rat.
Send.
Hood rat.
Send.
[ tone plays .]
Send.
[ tone plays .]
[ ding! .]
[ tone plays .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
narrator: Sal's writing was [ laughter .]
narrator: Sal's writing was all wrong, making him tonight's narrator: Sal's writing was all wrong, making him tonight's big loser.
All wrong, making him tonight's big loser.
here we go.
Big loser.
here we go.
ho! All right! here we go.
ho! All right! Sal lost.
ho! All right! Sal lost.
yes.
Sal lost.
yes.
and for his punishment, we yes.
and for his punishment, we brought him up to the and for his punishment, we brought him up to the mount pleasant community Brought him up to the mount pleasant community planning board.
Mount pleasant community planning board.
this town is never gonna be Planning board.
this town is never gonna be the same.
this town is never gonna be the same.
because tonight you're about The same.
because tonight you're about to present your proposal to the because tonight you're about to present your proposal to the development committee about how To present your proposal to the development committee about how this town's gonna be better.
Development committee about how this town's gonna be better.
i got a good proposal for This town's gonna be better.
i got a good proposal for you.
i got a good proposal for you.
Run.
You.
Run.
[ laughter .]
Run.
[ laughter .]
just run.
[ laughter .]
just run.
This is awful.
Just run.
This is awful.
this is a whole new level.
This is awful.
this is a whole new level.
The government of the this is a whole new level.
The government of the united states.
The government of the united states.
you are gonna love this United states.
you are gonna love this presentation, sal.
you are gonna love this presentation, sal.
good evening, ladies and Presentation, sal.
good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the planning-board Gentlemen.
Welcome to the planning-board meeting.
Welcome to the planning-board meeting.
We have an applicant with his Meeting.
We have an applicant with his plan for a new development for We have an applicant with his plan for a new development for the planning board.
Plan for a new development for the planning board.
Mr.
Sal vulcano.
The planning board.
Mr.
Sal vulcano.
hello, everyone.
How are you? Mr.
Sal vulcano.
hello, everyone.
How are you? I'll just take you through a hello, everyone.
How are you? I'll just take you through a presentation i have, and you can I'll just take you through a presentation i have, and you can open up to any questions at the Presentation i have, and you can open up to any questions at the end, so Open up to any questions at the end, so [ laughter .]
End, so [ laughter .]
the plan i have is an actual [ laughter .]
the plan i have is an actual recreation facility for senior The plan i have is an actual recreation facility for senior citizens, specifically designed Recreation facility for senior citizens, specifically designed and catering to seniors.
Citizens, specifically designed and catering to seniors.
okay.
And catering to seniors.
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
um [ laughter .]
um The park would be open on their um The park would be open on their time schedule, which is The park would be open on their time schedule, which is Time schedule, which is their bedtime or dinnertime.
their bedtime or dinnertime.
4:30 a.
M.
? Their bedtime or dinnertime.
4:30 a.
M.
? a.
M.
Is when it would open 4:30 a.
M.
? a.
M.
Is when it would open because you want to be on the a.
M.
Is when it would open because you want to be on the senior schedule.
Because you want to be on the senior schedule.
[ laughter .]
Okay, so, it'd be a 6-acre area.
Currently where the beef gristle Currently where the beef gristle mill is.
Mill is.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
tear down the old beef tear down the old beef gristle mill.
so, here are some of the park Gristle mill.
so, here are some of the park features.
[ laughter .]
complaining booth.
Um Complaining booth.
Um One of the things that seniors Um One of the things that seniors love to do is complain.
One of the things that seniors love to do is complain.
We know that.
Love to do is complain.
We know that.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
We know that.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
The average age of the panel is [ laughing .]
oh, my god.
The average age of the panel is The average age of the panel is so, what we do is we set up so, what we do is we set up booths here.
so, what we do is we set up booths here.
They would choose a recliner, Booths here.
They would choose a recliner, and then they'd be able to speak They would choose a recliner, and then they'd be able to speak through an area and complain to And then they'd be able to speak through an area and complain to someone about anything that's on Through an area and complain to someone about anything that's on their mind.
Someone about anything that's on their mind.
Um Their mind.
Um why don't you check your Um why don't you check your notes, buddy? why don't you check your notes, buddy? like, they would just talk Notes, buddy? like, they would just talk aboutThings like, they would just talk aboutThings Um AboutThings Um Things like that people drive Um Things like that people drive too fast, arthritis, Things like that people drive too fast, arthritis, the weather.
Too fast, arthritis, the weather.
Obama's a big one.
The weather.
Obama's a big one.
[ laughter .]
Obama's a big one.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Hard-candy dispensers.
[ laughter .]
this is similar to petting zoos This is similar to petting zoos and things like that.
We'll have some butterscotch And things like that.
We'll have some butterscotch candies.
We'll have some butterscotch candies.
Again, catering to people 65 and Candies.
Again, catering to people 65 and over.
Again, catering to people 65 and over.
everybody knows that old Over.
everybody knows that old people need butterscotch like everybody knows that old people need butterscotch like that.
People need butterscotch like that.
it's like their vitamin "d.
" That.
it's like their vitamin "d.
" that's right.
it's like their vitamin "d.
" that's right.
okay.
that's right.
okay.
The grandkid park.
okay.
The grandkid park.
[ laughter .]
The grandkid park.
[ laughter .]
so, what we do here is, we have [ laughter .]
so, what we do here is, we have statues of children, um So, what we do here is, we have statues of children, um And then the senior can Statues of children, um And then the senior can basically just get the feeling And then the senior can basically just get the feeling that they're with their Basically just get the feeling that they're with their grandchild if time doesn't allow That they're with their grandchild if time doesn't allow and then converse with the Grandchild if time doesn't allow and then converse with the statues or just take photos with And then converse with the statues or just take photos with them or just feel like they're Statues or just take photos with them or just feel like they're surrounded by loved ones or Them or just feel like they're surrounded by loved ones or children.
Surrounded by loved ones or children.
[ laughter .]
Children.
[ laughter .]
this is something else.
Isolation island.
[ laughter .]
uh, it's for when a senior needs Uh, it's for when a senior needs a time-out.
[ laughter .]
A time-out.
[ laughter .]
where is this? [ laughter .]
where is this? I'm just -- i -- i don't have a where is this? I'm just -- i -- i don't have a good idea where it is.
I'm just -- i -- i don't have a good idea where it is.
it was by the beef gristle Good idea where it is.
it was by the beef gristle mill.
it was by the beef gristle mill.
i don't think anybody on the Mill.
i don't think anybody on the board really knows where there's i don't think anybody on the board really knows where there's a beef gristle mill.
Board really knows where there's a beef gristle mill.
it's a really popular mill.
[ laughter .]
um Moving on.
[ laughter .]
[ exhales .]
[ exhales .]
oh, he's getting nervous.
He's got nothing.
oh, he's getting nervous.
He's got nothing.
trampoline terrace is a He's got nothing.
trampoline terrace is a wheelch-ch-chair-friendly trampoline terrace is a wheelch-ch-chair-friendly [ laughter .]
Wheelch-ch-chair-friendly [ laughter .]
so, the trampoline terrace [ laughter .]
so, the trampoline terrace [ laughing .]
there's a guy in So, the trampoline terrace [ laughing .]
there's a guy in a wheelchair floating above! [ laughing .]
there's a guy in a wheelchair floating above! so, this is -- now, this A wheelchair floating above! so, this is -- now, this is -- this is so, this is -- now, this is -- this is [ sighs .]
Is -- this is [ sighs .]
they're allowed to roll, jump, [ sighs .]
they're allowed to roll, jump, or glide right off the ramp.
They're allowed to roll, jump, or glide right off the ramp.
the wheelchair? Or glide right off the ramp.
the wheelchair? in the wheelchair, yeah, the wheelchair? in the wheelchair, yeah, yeah.
in the wheelchair, yeah, yeah.
Believe it or not, it's a sight Yeah.
Believe it or not, it's a sight to see.
Believe it or not, it's a sight to see.
[ laughter .]
To see.
[ laughter .]
and [ laughter .]
and Let's do it! And Let's do it! [ laughter .]
Let's do it! [ laughter .]
where are you in the process, [ laughter .]
where are you in the process, though? where are you in the process, though? as far as the process goes, Though? as far as the process goes, i'm here presenting it to you as far as the process goes, i'm here presenting it to you right now.
I'm here presenting it to you right now.
okay.
Right now.
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
this is your first step? [ laughter .]
this is your first step? my first step, yeah.
This is your first step? my first step, yeah.
okay.
my first step, yeah.
okay.
sal, you can't leave that okay.
sal, you can't leave that room till you get them to say sal, you can't leave that room till you get them to say you're approved.
Room till you get them to say you're approved.
[ laughter .]
You're approved.
[ laughter .]
oh, man, buckle up, bro.
[ laughter .]
oh, man, buckle up, bro.
We're gonna be here a while.
oh, man, buckle up, bro.
We're gonna be here a while.
so, then you will coordinate We're gonna be here a while.
so, then you will coordinate with the town's senior council so, then you will coordinate with the town's senior council for the aging? With the town's senior council for the aging? sure.
For the aging? sure.
[ laughter .]
sure.
[ laughter .]
we're trying to break ground [ laughter .]
we're trying to break ground next, uh, monday if we can We're trying to break ground next, uh, monday if we can fast-track it.
Next, uh, monday if we can fast-track it.
[ laughs .]
Fast-track it.
[ laughs .]
[ laughing .]
if he can [ laughs .]
[ laughing .]
if he can fast-track it in one week.
[ laughing .]
if he can fast-track it in one week.
so, is it approved? Fast-track it in one week.
so, is it approved? i would like to make sure so, is it approved? i would like to make sure that you have staff.
i would like to make sure that you have staff.
yes.
That you have staff.
yes.
will anybody be there to keep yes.
will anybody be there to keep an eye out? will anybody be there to keep an eye out? these people won An eye out? these people won world war ii.
these people won world war ii.
They don't need us watching over World war ii.
They don't need us watching over them.
They don't need us watching over them.
They're the greatest generation, Them.
They're the greatest generation, yada, yada.
They're the greatest generation, yada, yada.
[ laughter .]
Yada, yada.
[ laughter .]
"yada, yada.
" [ laughter .]
"yada, yada.
" uh, is it approved? "yada, yada.
" uh, is it approved? so, what are -- well, what uh, is it approved? so, what are -- well, what are you looking for tonight? so, what are -- well, what are you looking for tonight? approval.
Are you looking for tonight? approval.
[ laughter .]
approval.
[ laughter .]
i don't understand the scope.
[ laughter .]
i don't understand the scope.
We still don't really even know i don't understand the scope.
We still don't really even know where it is.
We still don't really even know where it is.
okay.
Where it is.
okay.
It's by the beef gristle mill.
okay.
It's by the beef gristle mill.
yes.
It's by the beef gristle mill.
yes.
[ laughter .]
so, we're approved? no, you won't get approval tonight.
no, you won't get approval tonight.
come on, man! Tonight.
come on, man! i appreciate it.
come on, man! i appreciate it.
And thank you.
i appreciate it.
And thank you.
thank you.
And thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
good luck following that.
Giving the old heave-ho? [ retches .]
narrator: And which joker [ retches .]
narrator: And which joker will go to town on city hall in narrator: And which joker will go to town on city hall in tonight's punishment? Will go to town on city hall in tonight's punishment? [ laughter .]
Tonight's punishment? [ laughter .]
prepare for something [ laughter .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
i will never forgive you! larry! i will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today we're at foxwoods resort and casino, relaxing by the pool.
Foxwoods resort and casino, relaxing by the pool.
but here's the thing -- we Relaxing by the pool.
but here's the thing -- we don't know what we have to do but here's the thing -- we don't know what we have to do until we actually get poolside.
Don't know what we have to do until we actually get poolside.
that's right.
Until we actually get poolside.
that's right.
The other guys will give us an that's right.
The other guys will give us an embarrassing task that we have The other guys will give us an embarrassing task that we have to accomplish.
if you can't do what you got to do, you lose.
To do, you lose.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! [ laughs .]
joey! here we go, joe.
here we go, joe.
he just looks like a he just looks like a look hip.
Look hip.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what are we doing at the what are we doing at the pool? Pool? all right, so, we need you to all right, so, we need you to cannonball.
Cannonball.
yep.
yep.
in the shallow end? kind of.
in the shallow end? kind of.
[ laughter .]
kind of.
[ laughter .]
turn around.
[ laughter .]
turn around.
oh, come on.
turn around.
oh, come on.
[ laughter .]
oh, come on.
[ laughter .]
he needs a level of accuracy [ laughter .]
he needs a level of accuracy i don't know that he has.
he needs a level of accuracy i don't know that he has.
[ laughs .]
I don't know that he has.
[ laughs .]
it's like a cork going into a [ laughs .]
it's like a cork going into a wine bottle.
it's like a cork going into a wine bottle.
[ laughter .]
Wine bottle.
[ laughter .]
all right, , here we go.
[ laughter .]
all right, , here we go.
[ dramatic music plays .]
all right, , here we go.
[ dramatic music plays .]
oh! [ dramatic music plays .]
oh! Oh, he's gonna drench them, man.
oh! Oh, he's gonna drench them, man.
cannonball! Oh, he's gonna drench them, man.
cannonball! [ laughs .]
cannonball! [ laughs .]
[ women scream .]
[ laughs .]
[ women scream .]
[ laughing .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
Murr, you have an issue with your pasty white.
Your pasty white.
You burn, right? You burn, right? yes, i'm usually pasty white.
yes, i'm usually pasty white.
you put on lotion right you put on lotion right before you went out there? Before you went out there? yeah.
yeah.
do you think everybody out do you think everybody out there put lotion on? There put lotion on? why? why? you got to go out there and you got to go out there and apply lotion to a stranger.
Apply lotion to a stranger.
oh.
oh.
but don't ask permission.
Just do it.
but don't ask permission.
Just do it.
[ laughs .]
Just do it.
[ laughs .]
you know who i bet doesn't [ laughs .]
you know who i bet doesn't have lotion on? you know who i bet doesn't have lotion on? Like -- like, an older guy.
Have lotion on? Like -- like, an older guy.
i feel like his upper lip Like -- like, an older guy.
i feel like his upper lip would be protected, though, by i feel like his upper lip would be protected, though, by maybe a mustache.
Would be protected, though, by maybe a mustache.
[ laughs .]
Maybe a mustache.
[ laughs .]
like a huge mustache.
[ laughs .]
like a huge mustache.
he probably has a lot of like a huge mustache.
he probably has a lot of forehead.
he probably has a lot of forehead.
Oh, how about this guy? Forehead.
Oh, how about this guy? [ laughter .]
Oh, how about this guy? [ laughter .]
oh, come on! [ laughter .]
oh, come on! i'm sure his naked body is oh, come on! i'm sure his naked body is not protected.
i'm sure his naked body is not protected.
i can't ask for permission? Not protected.
i can't ask for permission? that's right.
i can't ask for permission? that's right.
them's the rules.
that's right.
them's the rules.
i'm frozen.
them's the rules.
i'm frozen.
[ chuckling .]
i can't do it.
i'm frozen.
[ chuckling .]
i can't do it.
I can't do it.
[ chuckling .]
i can't do it.
I can't do it.
you can always take the loss, I can't do it.
you can always take the loss, murr.
you can always take the loss, murr.
yeah.
Murr.
yeah.
you walk over to this guy and yeah.
you walk over to this guy and apply lotion, and you invade his you walk over to this guy and apply lotion, and you invade his personal space.
Apply lotion, and you invade his personal space.
This guy's gonna show you what's Personal space.
This guy's gonna show you what's up.
Oh! they say the moon landing's they say the moon landing's fake.
Fake.
Yeah, you got this spot right Yeah, you got this spot right there.
There.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
they say the moon landing's They say the moon landing's fake.
Fake.
Some people say it was like a Some people say it was like a government conspiracy.
Government conspiracy.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
i don't know.
What do you think? I don't know.
What do you think? Personally, i think the Personally, i think the government's too inept to fake the moon landing.
Government's too inept to fake the moon landing.
you're talking about the moon The moon landing.
you're talking about the moon landing?! you're talking about the moon landing?! [ laughter .]
Landing?! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! he's letting him do it! oh, my god! he's letting him do it! [ chuckling .]
they say -- he's letting him do it! [ chuckling .]
they say -- they say that they actually [ chuckling .]
they say -- they say that they actually built -- it was a hollywood They say that they actually built -- it was a hollywood sound stage that they faked the Built -- it was a hollywood sound stage that they faked the moon landing on.
Sound stage that they faked the moon landing on.
What do you think? You don't believe it? You think it was real? You think it was real? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
he's ignoring that a stranger he's ignoring that a stranger is applying lotion and engaging the conversation about Is applying lotion and engaging the conversation about conspiracy theories.
The conversation about conspiracy theories.
[ laughter .]
Conspiracy theories.
[ laughter .]
there you go.
[ laughter .]
there you go.
[ laughter .]
there you go.
[ laughter .]
could we get a daiquiri? [ laughter .]
could we get a daiquiri? [ laughter .]
Could we get a daiquiri? [ laughter .]
two daiquiris.
[ laughter .]
two daiquiris.
wow! two daiquiris.
wow! [ ding! .]
wow! [ ding! .]
oh! Very good.
[ ding! .]
oh! Very good.
look! oh! Very good.
look! He's got a sheen of lotion! look! He's got a sheen of lotion! It looks like a lotion grenade He's got a sheen of lotion! It looks like a lotion grenade went off poolside and this guy It looks like a lotion grenade went off poolside and this guy caught shrapnel all over his Went off poolside and this guy caught shrapnel all over his face and upper body.
Caught shrapnel all over his face and upper body.
this guy's the best! Face and upper body.
this guy's the best! Look at him.
this guy's the best! Look at him.
He's still out there enjoying Look at him.
He's still out there enjoying it.
He's still out there enjoying it.
[ laughing .]
i was shaking, It.
[ laughing .]
i was shaking, man.
[ laughing .]
i was shaking, man.
the moon landing? Man.
the moon landing? i didn't know what to say.
the moon landing? i didn't know what to say.
I was trying to distract him.
i didn't know what to say.
I was trying to distract him.
all right, sal, you're up.
I was trying to distract him.
all right, sal, you're up.
That's it.
all right, sal, you're up.
That's it.
Go talk to these kids about the That's it.
Go talk to these kids about the birds and the bees.
Go talk to these kids about the birds and the bees.
[ laughs .]
Birds and the bees.
[ laughs .]
that's you.
[ laughs .]
that's you.
no.
that's you.
no.
[ laughter .]
no.
[ laughter .]
go out there.
[ laughter .]
go out there.
no.
No! go out there.
no.
No! Oh, no! no.
No! Oh, no! get out there.
what? Are you guys playing hide-and-go-seek? Hide-and-go-seek? [ chuckles .]
[ chuckles .]
let's see this smooth let's see this smooth transition.
Transition.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you guys know about when a you guys know about when a [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
uh Uh [bleep.]
[bleep.]
you know when a You know when a You know when a You know when a [ stutters .]
[ stutters .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you know when, like, a man and a You know when, like, a man and a woman meet, when two people Woman meet, when two people f-fall in love? F-fall in love? Yeah.
Yeah.
And then, uh And then, uh A stork [ laughter .]
A stork [ laughter .]
no! The real way, bud.
[ laughter .]
no! The real way, bud.
i feel really, really weird no! The real way, bud.
i feel really, really weird right now.
i feel really, really weird right now.
yeah, you should.
Right now.
yeah, you should.
you guys -- you guys -- you yeah, you should.
you guys -- you guys -- you guys know w-w-w-what -- what -- you guys -- you guys -- you guys know w-w-w-what -- what -- what love is, yeah? UmWhen a man and a woman decide that they want to make a Decide that they want to make a family Family W-why are we even talking about W-why are we even talking about this? This? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
one day, you're gonna get old, One day, you're gonna get old, and then you're gonna want to And then you're gonna want to say, "hey, i'm an adult.
Say, "hey, i'm an adult.
I'm gonna do an adult thing.
" I'm gonna do an adult thing.
" and, uh And, uh You know that you were born, You know that you were born, right? Right? You know what born is? You know what born is? You were born a couple of weeks You were born a couple of weeks ago? Ago? She's full of [bleep.]
She's full of [bleep.]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
i can't do it.
i can't do it.
[ laughter .]
all right, well, if you can't [ laughter .]
all right, well, if you can't do it, we've got another option.
all right, well, if you can't do it, we've got another option.
yeah, yeah.
Do it, we've got another option.
yeah, yeah.
what do you got? yeah, yeah.
what do you got? q's got something for you.
what do you got? q's got something for you.
you're a good kid.
q's got something for you.
you're a good kid.
You're a good kid.
you're a good kid.
You're a good kid.
You're a good kid.
You're a good kid.
You're a good kid.
here's q.
You're a good kid.
here's q.
hey.
here's q.
hey.
just drink some pool water.
hey.
just drink some pool water.
no, no, no, no.
just drink some pool water.
no, no, no, no.
drink some pool water.
no, no, no, no.
drink some pool water.
[ laughs .]
drink some pool water.
[ laughs .]
you have options here.
[ laughs .]
you have options here.
no, no, no.
you have options here.
no, no, no.
just drink some pool water.
no, no, no.
just drink some pool water.
[ laughs .]
just drink some pool water.
[ laughs .]
hold on.
[ laughs .]
hold on.
Let me help you out.
hold on.
Let me help you out.
Let me help you out.
Let me help you out.
Let me help you out.
oh, no, that's gross! Let me help you out.
oh, no, that's gross! that's only 20% human urine.
oh, no, that's gross! that's only 20% human urine.
[ laughter .]
that's only 20% human urine.
[ laughter .]
so [ laughter .]
so would you drink that? So would you drink that? i don't have to drink it.
would you drink that? i don't have to drink it.
It's not my job to drink it.
i don't have to drink it.
It's not my job to drink it.
It's your job to drink it.
It's not my job to drink it.
It's your job to drink it.
oh, my god! It's your job to drink it.
oh, my god! just shoot it.
oh, my god! just shoot it.
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
are you insane?! oh, my god! are you insane?! oh, my god! every single one of those oh, my god! every single one of those kids peed in that pool.
every single one of those kids peed in that pool.
they might as well have just Kids peed in that pool.
they might as well have just pissed in the cup and handed it they might as well have just pissed in the cup and handed it to him.
Pissed in the cup and handed it to him.
[ laughter .]
To him.
[ laughter .]
i'm gonna -- where should i [ laughter .]
i'm gonna -- where should i throw up? i'm gonna -- where should i throw up? outside.
Throw up? outside.
are you seriously gonna throw outside.
are you seriously gonna throw up? are you seriously gonna throw up? [ retches .]
Up? [ retches .]
there was like eight kids [ retches .]
there was like eight kids right around him.
there was like eight kids right around him.
That's straight-up urine.
Right around him.
That's straight-up urine.
[bleep.]
That's straight-up urine.
[bleep.]
[ ding! .]
[bleep.]
[ ding! .]
[ retching .]
hey, q, when you were younger, were you one of those Younger, were you one of those annoying people that splashed Annoying people that splashed people and dunked people in the People and dunked people in the pool? Pool? no, i don't find that no, i don't find that behavior acceptable.
Behavior acceptable.
why don't you step in the why don't you step in the shallow end of the pool there? Shallow end of the pool there? Go ahead.
Get in the pool.
Go ahead.
Get in the pool.
I'm just gonna have you go in I'm just gonna have you go in and dunk somebody.
no, no.
You know what? And dunk somebody.
no, no.
You know what? No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
no, no.
You know what? No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No, that's not what you're No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No, that's not what you're doing.
No, that's not what you're doing.
[ laughs .]
Doing.
[ laughs .]
what's he doing? [ laughs .]
what's he doing? ha-ha-ha! what's he doing? ha-ha-ha! I know where this is going.
ha-ha-ha! I know where this is going.
where is this guy? I know where this is going.
where is this guy? how are you doing, buddy? where is this guy? how are you doing, buddy? [ laughter .]
how are you doing, buddy? [ laughter .]
how's everything? [ laughter .]
how's everything? hey.
What's going on, pal? How's everything? hey.
What's going on, pal? yeah.
hey.
What's going on, pal? yeah.
Your new thing is to drink the yeah.
Your new thing is to drink the water.
Your new thing is to drink the water.
both: Ahhh! Water.
both: Ahhh! and that's how much you're both: Ahhh! and that's how much you're gonna drink, too.
and that's how much you're gonna drink, too.
i came out to help you Gonna drink, too.
i came out to help you before.
i came out to help you before.
that's what he's gonna do.
Before.
that's what he's gonna do.
[ laughter .]
that's what he's gonna do.
[ laughter .]
i'll take the loss.
[ laughter .]
i'll take the loss.
it's in your mouth again! i'll take the loss.
it's in your mouth again! [ laughter .]
it's in your mouth again! [ laughter .]
q, tell these little kids how [ laughter .]
q, tell these little kids how sex works and you don't have to q, tell these little kids how sex works and you don't have to take the loss.
Sex works and you don't have to take the loss.
okay, hold on one second.
Take the loss.
okay, hold on one second.
[ laughs .]
okay, hold on one second.
[ laughs .]
aah! [ laughs .]
aah! what happens is, um, a aah! what happens is, um, a m-m-man and a woman fall in what happens is, um, a m-m-man and a woman fall in love.
M-m-man and a woman fall in love.
He takes his penis and puts it Love.
He takes his penis and puts it in the vagina.
He takes his penis and puts it in the vagina.
Nine months later, there's a In the vagina.
Nine months later, there's a baby.
Nine months later, there's a baby.
[ laughter .]
Baby.
[ laughter .]
you took the win! [ laughter .]
you took the win! We'll give you the win! you took the win! We'll give you the win! q gets the win! We'll give you the win! q gets the win! [ children laughing .]
q gets the win! [ children laughing .]
it's not funny.
[ children laughing .]
it's not funny.
It's not funny.
it's not funny.
It's not funny.
[ laughter .]
It's not funny.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
narrator: None of the jokers [ ding! .]
narrator: None of the jokers belly-flopped this challenge, so narrator: None of the jokers belly-flopped this challenge, so the loser board is bone dry.
Belly-flopped this challenge, so the loser board is bone dry.
today we're at caffébene The loser board is bone dry.
today we're at caffébene looking for advice from today we're at caffébene looking for advice from strangers about our Looking for advice from strangers about our super-important e-mail that Strangers about our super-important e-mail that we're writing.
Super-important e-mail that we're writing.
except the e-mail was written We're writing.
except the e-mail was written by the other guys and we have no except the e-mail was written by the other guys and we have no idea what it says until we read By the other guys and we have no idea what it says until we read it out loud.
the goal is to get the stranger to admit that that Stranger to admit that that e-mail's ready to send.
E-mail's ready to send.
if it ain't ready to send, if it ain't ready to send, you're gonna go right in the You're gonna go right in the trash bin -- boom! Trash bin -- boom! oh, ho! oh, ho! delete that, murr! delete that, murr! is that the -- is that the -- that's how you delete.
that's how you delete.
[ laughter .]
do you mind if i rest this here? Here? no, man.
no, man.
thanks so much, dude.
thanks so much, dude.
he's in.
He's in.
he's in.
He's in.
here we go.
here we go.
open up your drafts folder, open up your drafts folder, sal.
Sal.
hey, bud, can i get your hey, bud, can i get your opinion quickly on one thing? Opinion quickly on one thing? I'm just writing an e-mail to my I'm just writing an e-mail to my buddy, and before i hit send, i just wanted to get someone's Buddy, and before i hit send, i just wanted to get someone's opinion on it.
Just wanted to get someone's opinion on it.
all right.
Opinion on it.
all right.
thanks.
all right.
thanks.
The subject is "barbecue pit.
" thanks.
The subject is "barbecue pit.
" all right.
The subject is "barbecue pit.
" all right.
it says, "dear roy" -- that's all right.
it says, "dear roy" -- that's my friend roy -- "hey, idiot.
" it says, "dear roy" -- that's my friend roy -- "hey, idiot.
" [ laughter .]
My friend roy -- "hey, idiot.
" [ laughter .]
"i'm sorry that i ruined your [ laughter .]
"i'm sorry that i ruined your flag day celebration by being "i'm sorry that i ruined your flag day celebration by being too awesome and jump-kicking the Flag day celebration by being too awesome and jump-kicking the barbecue pit, which caused a Too awesome and jump-kicking the barbecue pit, which caused a totally sweet fire that mostly Barbecue pit, which caused a totally sweet fire that mostly everyone enjoyed.
" Totally sweet fire that mostly everyone enjoyed.
" "hope your sister grows into Everyone enjoyed.
" "hope your sister grows into her" "hope your sister grows into her" [ laughter .]
Her" [ laughter .]
"hope your sister grows into her [ laughter .]
"hope your sister grows into her teeth soon.
"hope your sister grows into her teeth soon.
Smell ya later.
Ja'crispy.
" [ laughter .]
my friend has this yearly My friend has this yearly barbecue.
Everyone comes over.
Barbecue.
Everyone comes over.
Every year we try to top it.
Everyone comes over.
Every year we try to top it.
He has like a flag day barbecue.
Every year we try to top it.
He has like a flag day barbecue.
i'll give you 50 bucks if you He has like a flag day barbecue.
i'll give you 50 bucks if you can tell me when flag day is.
i'll give you 50 bucks if you can tell me when flag day is.
you know, flag day Can tell me when flag day is.
you know, flag day [ laughter .]
you know, flag day [ laughter .]
should i send it? [ laughter .]
should i send it? [ laughter .]
"should i just put 'p.
S.
-- I love you lots'"? Love you lots'"? should i add "p.
S.
-- I love should i add "p.
S.
-- I love you lots"? You lots"? so, he should change the so, he should change the letter? Letter? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
so it's not ready to send.
So it's not ready to send.
boom! boom! so it's not ready to hit so it's not ready to hit send? Send? all: Aah! all: Aah! okay.
okay.
[ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
scusi.
scusi.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
hey, bud, i'm writing an hey, bud, i'm writing an e-mail, and i'd like to get a E-mail, and i'd like to get a second opinion on it.
Second opinion on it.
You got a second? You got a second? The subject's "you're a baby.
" The subject's "you're a baby.
" it's to jen.
here we go.
It's to jen.
here we go.
"jen, i'm sorry for not being here we go.
"jen, i'm sorry for not being 'there' for you when you had our "jen, i'm sorry for not being 'there' for you when you had our baby.
'there' for you when you had our baby.
In all fairness, i'm not Baby.
In all fairness, i'm not convinced it's mine, even after In all fairness, i'm not convinced it's mine, even after the paternity test came back Convinced it's mine, even after the paternity test came back The paternity test came back [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
"in my defense, i told you if [ laughter .]
"in my defense, i told you if you had a girl, i was out.
"in my defense, i told you if you had a girl, i was out.
You knew this, but you still had You had a girl, i was out.
You knew this, but you still had a girl.
You knew this, but you still had a girl.
You made that choice.
" A girl.
You made that choice.
" [ laughter .]
You made that choice.
" [ laughter .]
"you gave birth to a girl [ laughter .]
"you gave birth to a girl instead of a boy like i "you gave birth to a girl instead of a boy like i specifically told you that i Instead of a boy like i specifically told you that i wanted.
Specifically told you that i wanted.
Check your e-mail box.
Wanted.
Check your e-mail box.
The subject of the e-mail was Check your e-mail box.
The subject of the e-mail was 'if you have a girl, i'm out.
'" The subject of the e-mail was 'if you have a girl, i'm out.
'" [ laughter .]
'if you have a girl, i'm out.
'" [ laughter .]
"but since i can't afford any [ laughter .]
"but since i can't afford any more lawyers to contest it, i "but since i can't afford any more lawyers to contest it, i think it's best we raise this More lawyers to contest it, i think it's best we raise this thing together.
" Think it's best we raise this thing together.
" "this thing.
" Thing together.
" "this thing.
" [ laughs .]
"this thing.
" [ laughs .]
"i don't want to be called a [ laughs .]
"i don't want to be called a deadbeat dad.
"i don't want to be called a deadbeat dad.
People already say so many, many Deadbeat dad.
People already say so many, many mean things about me.
People already say so many, many mean things about me.
This dude just called me Mean things about me.
This dude just called me 'turd-mouth.
'" This dude just called me 'turd-mouth.
'" [ laughs .]
'turd-mouth.
'" [ laughs .]
"all my best, joey.
" [ laughs .]
"all my best, joey.
" [ laughter .]
So, do you think this thing's ready to hit send? Ready to hit send? yeah-ha-ha! yeah-ha-ha! that's how you're gonna that's how you're gonna accept the responsibility of Accept the responsibility of raising a child? Raising a child? i say "all my best.
" i say "all my best.
" even steven with "all my best.
" Even steven with "all my best.
" [ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
how bad she's [ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
how bad she's That girl's crying! [ laughing .]
how bad she's That girl's crying! okay, so, this is ready to That girl's crying! okay, so, this is ready to send.
okay, so, this is ready to send.
[ tone plays .]
Send.
[ tone plays .]
[ laughter .]
Here we go.
i'm sorry to interrupt.
I was wondering if you could i'm sorry to interrupt.
I was wondering if you could just help me with something for I was wondering if you could just help me with something for a quick second.
Just help me with something for a quick second.
I'm just doing a letter of I'm just doing a letter of resignation.
"to mr.
Herrera, it's with great Resignation.
"to mr.
Herrera, it's with great regret that i have to leave the "to mr.
Herrera, it's with great regret that i have to leave the company after almost a decade, Regret that i have to leave the company after almost a decade, but i am not a man who Company after almost a decade, but i am not a man who compromises when my integrity is But i am not a man who compromises when my integrity is involved.
Compromises when my integrity is involved.
If i can't do my impression of Involved.
If i can't do my impression of hong kong tony" -- of course -- If i can't do my impression of hong kong tony" -- of course -- "then this isn't the kind of Hong kong tony" -- of course -- "then this isn't the kind of company i want to work for.
" "then this isn't the kind of company i want to work for.
" i've been doing hong kong tony Company i want to work for.
" i've been doing hong kong tony impersonations for a decade now.
I've been doing hong kong tony impersonations for a decade now.
I'm suddenly gonna stop? Impersonations for a decade now.
I'm suddenly gonna stop? What? I'm suddenly gonna stop? What? I pull out that rice hat for no What? I pull out that rice hat for no reason? I pull out that rice hat for no reason? [ laughs .]
Reason? [ laughs .]
all right, "call me crazy, [ laughs .]
all right, "call me crazy, but working here was like all right, "call me crazy, but working here was like working for a guy who tells me But working here was like working for a guy who tells me what to do all the time.
" Working for a guy who tells me what to do all the time.
" no.
What to do all the time.
" no.
like his boss? No.
like his boss? [ laughter .]
like his boss? [ laughter .]
and remember, i'm quitting.
[ laughter .]
and remember, i'm quitting.
You are not firing me.
" and remember, i'm quitting.
You are not firing me.
" [ laughter .]
You are not firing me.
" [ laughter .]
"it's my decision.
[ laughter .]
"it's my decision.
You could push me into "it's my decision.
You could push me into resigning, and i'll not only You could push me into resigning, and i'll not only resign, but i'll re-sign your Resigning, and i'll not only resign, but i'll re-sign your cast after i break your legs.
" Resign, but i'll re-sign your cast after i break your legs.
" [ laughter .]
Cast after i break your legs.
" [ laughter .]
eh! [ laughter .]
eh! "regards, tony gunk.
" so Eh! "regards, tony gunk.
" so [ laughter .]
"regards, tony gunk.
" so [ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
tony gunk.
i'm tony gunk.
Hi.
How are you? How are you? Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Uh, is it okay if tony gunk Uh, is it okay if tony gunk sends that? Yeah? Sends that? Yeah? ohhh! Yeah? ohhh! Hong kong tony gunk! ohhh! Hong kong tony gunk! just hit send for me right Hong kong tony gunk! just hit send for me right there.
just hit send for me right there.
Just hit return.
There.
Just hit return.
Yeah, it's just right there, Just hit return.
Yeah, it's just right there, just right there.
Yeah, it's just right there, just right there.
[ tone plays .]
Just right there.
[ tone plays .]
[ laughter .]
is anybody sitting here? Good? Good? Thanks.
Thanks.
here we go.
here we go.
listen, bud, i'm trying to listen, bud, i'm trying to write an e-mail, and i don't Write an e-mail, and i don't know if i'm phrasing it the Know if i'm phrasing it the right away.
Right away.
Give me your opinion, okay? Give me your opinion, okay? It's "hey, trish, wanted to It's "hey, trish, wanted to apologize about the incident at the wedding.
Apologize about the incident at the wedding.
Totally my fault for being The wedding.
Totally my fault for being insensitive.
Totally my fault for being insensitive.
That being said, just because Insensitive.
That being said, just because i'm sorry doesn't mean" "doesn't mean you ain't a stank right hood rat with crooked teeth.
" Right hood rat with crooked teeth.
" [ laughter .]
Teeth.
" [ laughter .]
"again, i'm truly sorry, and [ laughter .]
"again, i'm truly sorry, and again, your teeth look like corn "again, i'm truly sorry, and again, your teeth look like corn chips.
" Again, your teeth look like corn chips.
" [ laughter .]
Chips.
" [ laughter .]
"i'm so sorry, and your dentist [ laughter .]
"i'm so sorry, and your dentist should be, too.
"i'm so sorry, and your dentist should be, too.
Sincerely, james.
" Do you think it's ready to send? Should i just go for it? Yes.
[ laughter .]
So, should i just take out the apology and just call her a Apology and just call her a stank right hood rat? Stank right hood rat? Oh, i see your point.
Oh, i see your point.
what are the odds murray knows what that reference -- what are the odds murray knows what that reference -- like, what a stank right Knows what that reference -- like, what a stank right probably pretty good, Like, what a stank right probably pretty good, actually.
probably pretty good, actually.
yeah, he's dated a bunch.
Actually.
yeah, he's dated a bunch.
[ laughter .]
yeah, he's dated a bunch.
[ laughter .]
four things are true.
[ laughter .]
four things are true.
Yes, i ruined the wedding.
four things are true.
Yes, i ruined the wedding.
I'm sorry.
Yes, i ruined the wedding.
I'm sorry.
But yes, she's a stank right I'm sorry.
But yes, she's a stank right hood rat with crooked teeth.
But yes, she's a stank right hood rat with crooked teeth.
[ laughter .]
Should i just go for it and hit send? Send? I should do it? I should do it? all: Oh! all: Oh! 'cause he stopped caring.
'cause he stopped caring.
The guy just wants to go back to his lunch.
The guy just wants to go back to his lunch.
to hell with that stank-ass His lunch.
to hell with that stank-ass hood rat.
to hell with that stank-ass hood rat.
Send.
Hood rat.
Send.
[ tone plays .]
Send.
[ tone plays .]
[ ding! .]
[ tone plays .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
narrator: Sal's writing was [ laughter .]
narrator: Sal's writing was all wrong, making him tonight's narrator: Sal's writing was all wrong, making him tonight's big loser.
All wrong, making him tonight's big loser.
here we go.
Big loser.
here we go.
ho! All right! here we go.
ho! All right! Sal lost.
ho! All right! Sal lost.
yes.
Sal lost.
yes.
and for his punishment, we yes.
and for his punishment, we brought him up to the and for his punishment, we brought him up to the mount pleasant community Brought him up to the mount pleasant community planning board.
Mount pleasant community planning board.
this town is never gonna be Planning board.
this town is never gonna be the same.
this town is never gonna be the same.
because tonight you're about The same.
because tonight you're about to present your proposal to the because tonight you're about to present your proposal to the development committee about how To present your proposal to the development committee about how this town's gonna be better.
Development committee about how this town's gonna be better.
i got a good proposal for This town's gonna be better.
i got a good proposal for you.
i got a good proposal for you.
Run.
You.
Run.
[ laughter .]
Run.
[ laughter .]
just run.
[ laughter .]
just run.
This is awful.
Just run.
This is awful.
this is a whole new level.
This is awful.
this is a whole new level.
The government of the this is a whole new level.
The government of the united states.
The government of the united states.
you are gonna love this United states.
you are gonna love this presentation, sal.
you are gonna love this presentation, sal.
good evening, ladies and Presentation, sal.
good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the planning-board Gentlemen.
Welcome to the planning-board meeting.
Welcome to the planning-board meeting.
We have an applicant with his Meeting.
We have an applicant with his plan for a new development for We have an applicant with his plan for a new development for the planning board.
Plan for a new development for the planning board.
Mr.
Sal vulcano.
The planning board.
Mr.
Sal vulcano.
hello, everyone.
How are you? Mr.
Sal vulcano.
hello, everyone.
How are you? I'll just take you through a hello, everyone.
How are you? I'll just take you through a presentation i have, and you can I'll just take you through a presentation i have, and you can open up to any questions at the Presentation i have, and you can open up to any questions at the end, so Open up to any questions at the end, so [ laughter .]
End, so [ laughter .]
the plan i have is an actual [ laughter .]
the plan i have is an actual recreation facility for senior The plan i have is an actual recreation facility for senior citizens, specifically designed Recreation facility for senior citizens, specifically designed and catering to seniors.
Citizens, specifically designed and catering to seniors.
okay.
And catering to seniors.
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
um [ laughter .]
um The park would be open on their um The park would be open on their time schedule, which is The park would be open on their time schedule, which is Time schedule, which is their bedtime or dinnertime.
their bedtime or dinnertime.
4:30 a.
M.
? Their bedtime or dinnertime.
4:30 a.
M.
? a.
M.
Is when it would open 4:30 a.
M.
? a.
M.
Is when it would open because you want to be on the a.
M.
Is when it would open because you want to be on the senior schedule.
Because you want to be on the senior schedule.
[ laughter .]
Okay, so, it'd be a 6-acre area.
Currently where the beef gristle Currently where the beef gristle mill is.
Mill is.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
tear down the old beef tear down the old beef gristle mill.
so, here are some of the park Gristle mill.
so, here are some of the park features.
[ laughter .]
complaining booth.
Um Complaining booth.
Um One of the things that seniors Um One of the things that seniors love to do is complain.
One of the things that seniors love to do is complain.
We know that.
Love to do is complain.
We know that.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
We know that.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
The average age of the panel is [ laughing .]
oh, my god.
The average age of the panel is The average age of the panel is so, what we do is we set up so, what we do is we set up booths here.
so, what we do is we set up booths here.
They would choose a recliner, Booths here.
They would choose a recliner, and then they'd be able to speak They would choose a recliner, and then they'd be able to speak through an area and complain to And then they'd be able to speak through an area and complain to someone about anything that's on Through an area and complain to someone about anything that's on their mind.
Someone about anything that's on their mind.
Um Their mind.
Um why don't you check your Um why don't you check your notes, buddy? why don't you check your notes, buddy? like, they would just talk Notes, buddy? like, they would just talk aboutThings like, they would just talk aboutThings Um AboutThings Um Things like that people drive Um Things like that people drive too fast, arthritis, Things like that people drive too fast, arthritis, the weather.
Too fast, arthritis, the weather.
Obama's a big one.
The weather.
Obama's a big one.
[ laughter .]
Obama's a big one.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Hard-candy dispensers.
[ laughter .]
this is similar to petting zoos This is similar to petting zoos and things like that.
We'll have some butterscotch And things like that.
We'll have some butterscotch candies.
We'll have some butterscotch candies.
Again, catering to people 65 and Candies.
Again, catering to people 65 and over.
Again, catering to people 65 and over.
everybody knows that old Over.
everybody knows that old people need butterscotch like everybody knows that old people need butterscotch like that.
People need butterscotch like that.
it's like their vitamin "d.
" That.
it's like their vitamin "d.
" that's right.
it's like their vitamin "d.
" that's right.
okay.
that's right.
okay.
The grandkid park.
okay.
The grandkid park.
[ laughter .]
The grandkid park.
[ laughter .]
so, what we do here is, we have [ laughter .]
so, what we do here is, we have statues of children, um So, what we do here is, we have statues of children, um And then the senior can Statues of children, um And then the senior can basically just get the feeling And then the senior can basically just get the feeling that they're with their Basically just get the feeling that they're with their grandchild if time doesn't allow That they're with their grandchild if time doesn't allow and then converse with the Grandchild if time doesn't allow and then converse with the statues or just take photos with And then converse with the statues or just take photos with them or just feel like they're Statues or just take photos with them or just feel like they're surrounded by loved ones or Them or just feel like they're surrounded by loved ones or children.
Surrounded by loved ones or children.
[ laughter .]
Children.
[ laughter .]
this is something else.
Isolation island.
[ laughter .]
uh, it's for when a senior needs Uh, it's for when a senior needs a time-out.
[ laughter .]
A time-out.
[ laughter .]
where is this? [ laughter .]
where is this? I'm just -- i -- i don't have a where is this? I'm just -- i -- i don't have a good idea where it is.
I'm just -- i -- i don't have a good idea where it is.
it was by the beef gristle Good idea where it is.
it was by the beef gristle mill.
it was by the beef gristle mill.
i don't think anybody on the Mill.
i don't think anybody on the board really knows where there's i don't think anybody on the board really knows where there's a beef gristle mill.
Board really knows where there's a beef gristle mill.
it's a really popular mill.
[ laughter .]
um Moving on.
[ laughter .]
[ exhales .]
[ exhales .]
oh, he's getting nervous.
He's got nothing.
oh, he's getting nervous.
He's got nothing.
trampoline terrace is a He's got nothing.
trampoline terrace is a wheelch-ch-chair-friendly trampoline terrace is a wheelch-ch-chair-friendly [ laughter .]
Wheelch-ch-chair-friendly [ laughter .]
so, the trampoline terrace [ laughter .]
so, the trampoline terrace [ laughing .]
there's a guy in So, the trampoline terrace [ laughing .]
there's a guy in a wheelchair floating above! [ laughing .]
there's a guy in a wheelchair floating above! so, this is -- now, this A wheelchair floating above! so, this is -- now, this is -- this is so, this is -- now, this is -- this is [ sighs .]
Is -- this is [ sighs .]
they're allowed to roll, jump, [ sighs .]
they're allowed to roll, jump, or glide right off the ramp.
They're allowed to roll, jump, or glide right off the ramp.
the wheelchair? Or glide right off the ramp.
the wheelchair? in the wheelchair, yeah, the wheelchair? in the wheelchair, yeah, yeah.
in the wheelchair, yeah, yeah.
Believe it or not, it's a sight Yeah.
Believe it or not, it's a sight to see.
Believe it or not, it's a sight to see.
[ laughter .]
To see.
[ laughter .]
and [ laughter .]
and Let's do it! And Let's do it! [ laughter .]
Let's do it! [ laughter .]
where are you in the process, [ laughter .]
where are you in the process, though? where are you in the process, though? as far as the process goes, Though? as far as the process goes, i'm here presenting it to you as far as the process goes, i'm here presenting it to you right now.
I'm here presenting it to you right now.
okay.
Right now.
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
this is your first step? [ laughter .]
this is your first step? my first step, yeah.
This is your first step? my first step, yeah.
okay.
my first step, yeah.
okay.
sal, you can't leave that okay.
sal, you can't leave that room till you get them to say sal, you can't leave that room till you get them to say you're approved.
Room till you get them to say you're approved.
[ laughter .]
You're approved.
[ laughter .]
oh, man, buckle up, bro.
[ laughter .]
oh, man, buckle up, bro.
We're gonna be here a while.
oh, man, buckle up, bro.
We're gonna be here a while.
so, then you will coordinate We're gonna be here a while.
so, then you will coordinate with the town's senior council so, then you will coordinate with the town's senior council for the aging? With the town's senior council for the aging? sure.
For the aging? sure.
[ laughter .]
sure.
[ laughter .]
we're trying to break ground [ laughter .]
we're trying to break ground next, uh, monday if we can We're trying to break ground next, uh, monday if we can fast-track it.
Next, uh, monday if we can fast-track it.
[ laughs .]
Fast-track it.
[ laughs .]
[ laughing .]
if he can [ laughs .]
[ laughing .]
if he can fast-track it in one week.
[ laughing .]
if he can fast-track it in one week.
so, is it approved? Fast-track it in one week.
so, is it approved? i would like to make sure so, is it approved? i would like to make sure that you have staff.
i would like to make sure that you have staff.
yes.
That you have staff.
yes.
will anybody be there to keep yes.
will anybody be there to keep an eye out? will anybody be there to keep an eye out? these people won An eye out? these people won world war ii.
these people won world war ii.
They don't need us watching over World war ii.
They don't need us watching over them.
They don't need us watching over them.
They're the greatest generation, Them.
They're the greatest generation, yada, yada.
They're the greatest generation, yada, yada.
[ laughter .]
Yada, yada.
[ laughter .]
"yada, yada.
" [ laughter .]
"yada, yada.
" uh, is it approved? "yada, yada.
" uh, is it approved? so, what are -- well, what uh, is it approved? so, what are -- well, what are you looking for tonight? so, what are -- well, what are you looking for tonight? approval.
Are you looking for tonight? approval.
[ laughter .]
approval.
[ laughter .]
i don't understand the scope.
[ laughter .]
i don't understand the scope.
We still don't really even know i don't understand the scope.
We still don't really even know where it is.
We still don't really even know where it is.
okay.
Where it is.
okay.
It's by the beef gristle mill.
okay.
It's by the beef gristle mill.
yes.
It's by the beef gristle mill.
yes.
[ laughter .]
so, we're approved? no, you won't get approval tonight.
no, you won't get approval tonight.
come on, man! Tonight.
come on, man! i appreciate it.
come on, man! i appreciate it.
And thank you.
i appreciate it.
And thank you.
thank you.
And thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
good luck following that.