Clarence US (2014) s03e28 Episode Script
A Sumoful Mind
1 [Remote clicks.]
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Clarence: [Beat boxing.]
Hanging out with Jeff, waiting for Sumo He's in school, being really cool Horchata, Corbatta, frittata Those are the words that I learned in school [Beatboxing continues.]
Wow! I can't believe all the checks and balances.
Hey, Clarence, ever heard of a gathering of the Wizard Folk? It's like Tappy Cards, but much more expansive.
[School bell rings.]
[Grunts.]
[Sighs.]
I don't know why I even try.
Clarence: [Giggles.]
I got a finger flag.
- Come on, Clarence.
- It's all wiggly.
People are staring.
- Hi.
- Hi, Sumo.
- Hey! - Yeah, I gotcha.
Oh, is that your Science book? Oh, let me get that for you.
Wow, we're not even covering this stuff this year.
Ah, who cares! Let's go! Gotta get all this junk off here.
[Grunting.]
There! The battle-mat is all set.
Now flip the battle summoner I call heads! [Gasps.]
Yes! Let's see here.
I summon my main.
[Animal growls.]
[As Jeffrious.]
Typical Jeffiathan.
Always telegraphing your next move.
[Normal voice.]
I summon my dragon sorcerer.
Hmm.
I cast wet stone! All right.
Enough scrubbin'.
- Let's rinse this boy off.
- Hold on.
[Slap!.]
[Laughs as Jeffrious.]
You walked into my trap.
[Normal voice.]
Well, I think you did.
Let's see "In order to properly set up a trap, - you must " - You should move that card here.
Thanks, Sumo.
I-I think I know Wizard Folk better than you.
It's all laid out here in the Official Strategy Guide.
- Put that there.
- And mess up my defense? Yeah, right.
[chuckles.]
Oh! Burn ember stacks with the cyclone card, gaining double damage? Sending Jeffrious to victory! Sumo, how did you know to do that? Ah, we play that game in class to help us with Math - or Spelling or something.
- You wanna play a round? Welp, almost done.
Oh, no! Sumo, we need to operate stat.
Sumo? I summon Gildar, Defender of the Dadrae.
He's got nothin' against the Mighty Wall of Sea revoking your summon.
- That move can't be legal.
- You wish it wasn't.
- I use one of my cast stones.
- I reveal my caster.
You fool, Sumo.
Now I can summon my Oh, wait.
How does this work again? "In order to level up your summoner" - I-It should be here.
- Take your time.
"You must sacrifice a spell.
" Ah, okay.
[Clears throat.]
Well, Sumo the Bloody, it's been fun, but it's time to end this game.
[Gasps.]
I sacrifice my Flame Phoenix! Clarence: And one giant, magical shark wizard makes a spell that turns you into applesauce! 40,000 magic points! [Music.]
[Laughs.]
Clarence, no amount of spells can make 1,000 damage, - let alone 40,000.
- I take my Frezeezy Peak card - and freeze your applesauce.
- Then, um, the shark swims away to Hawaii! [Laughing.]
I chase after, throwing applesauce snowballs! [Sighs.]
I was about to level up.
[School bell rings.]
Oh, neat! Camden, did you know that the red spot on Jupiter is an ongoing storm? Clarence: Uh-oh, Jeff.
There's a big bird that's gonna eat your head.
[Giggles.]
Or maybe he'll start with your tiny, little nose.
- Mm.
That looks good.
- Clarence, what are you doing? Ms.
Baker: Okay, so, guys, uh, unfortunately, the compasses we have gave Mr.
Lacruise-Cody's class tetanus.
So, we have to use these, made out of rulers.
- But they're nice.
- Ms.
Baker, a question.
How does [Squeaking.]
[All gasps, scream.]
Another one? I thought Jim was handling it.
[Plays flute.]
Okay, guys, settle down, okay? [Flute playing.]
Huh? [All screaming.]
No, Percy! Not again! Miss Baker, why is Pluto Oh, never mind.
[Smack!.]
[Grumbles.]
[All screaming.]
That's right.
Mars, slow down a little bit.
Don't forget to spin, Sumo! [Vocalizing, laughing.]
Oh-oh, Jupiter! You don't have enough moons.
You feel that, guys? This is the intricate cosmic ballet that we participate in every day! Ohh-oh-oh! [Grunts.]
[Laughter.]
A black hole consumed the Sun! Amazing work, as always, Gilben.
[School bell rings.]
- That's just not safe.
- Hey! Where's Clarence? He got bit by a rat and had to go home.
Ah.
Hey, you hungry? [Music.]
How'd you hear about this spot? Mr.
Mozer brought some to class.
Sometimes I don't even realize that I'm learning.
- Ugh! What an eye sore.
- It's a sundial.
That's the sun, and these are the paths of all the planets orbiting around it.
Oh, really? Which one is Earth? Here, I'll show you.
But I'll need a Moon.
[Both laughing.]
[Music.]
Did you know that the same face of the Moon - always faces Earth? - Hmm.
[Music.]
Oh, cool.
Sumo, look at this.
They seem so happy.
I wish we could have a setup like that.
What? We totally could! We could set up a table right here in the treehouse! Yeah! We could put all the rule books over here.
And get weapons and stuff for this wall! And we could even get costumes! And we could play for as long as we want! Yeah! Or until we run out of hit points.
Heh! Yeah.
And you could put the dragon car wash over there.
[Music.]
Hah, yeah! And we could put bows on all the dragons! Guys, I found a hole in the tree with all these acorns.
Bet I can stuff them all in my mouth, more than you, Sumo.
Sumo and I are kind of in the middle of - Oh, you're on! - Wait! What about our game Wizard Folk? - We can play later! - Okay.
[Laughs.]
Last one there's a rotten acorn.
[Both laughing.]
This is the most beautiful sweater and to think, you knitted it after you lost your hands.
[Crying.]
It's so good.
[Sniffles.]
[Music.]
[Farts.]
[Both laughing.]
[Music.]
Oh, yeah! [Laughs.]
[Music.]
[Laughs.]
Duck! [Laughing.]
Huh? Belson? Hey, Belson.
Who's your friend? Wait.
Wait! Come back.
Come back.
[Music.]
Whoa! Uh-huh.
Hi! Hi! [Music.]
Ooh.
[Laughs.]
Whoa.
[Both laughing.]
[Groans.]
[Both laughing.]
Uh [Music.]
[Farts.]
[Both laughing.]
Sumo: That's the whole point of it.
I felt I was right there in Dante's Inferno.
Right.
It's about rebirth and regeneration.
Hey! [Imitates farts.]
[Laughing.]
[Both laughing.]
[Gasps.]
[Both imitate farting.]
[laughing.]
Jeff: Okay, Sumo, no peeking! - Ta-da! - Whoa! It's our very own Dragonshire! Like we were talking about.
You made all this? It's so cool! Wow, I wish Clarence was here! He'd love this! Oh, yeah It's a shame, but isn't it kinda nice when it's just us? It's a little more intellectual.
Wouldn't you agree, my good man? - Huh? - Let's play.
Prepare yourself, Jeffrious! Because using my soul-sucker card, I'm about to send you to the Shadow Zone! That would be a nice move, Sumo the Bloody, but you forgot about my Wonderwall card in the defense position! Which means I get a free turn! A turn to play my ultimate spell! Yeah, get 'em, Jeff.
You sassy elf.
- Oh, hey, Clarence.
- W-What? How? Jeff, I found all the stuff from your scavenger hunt.
Whoa-oh-oh! Ah, sweet! [Music.]
Ooh? Jeff, did you set up this haunted house? It's not a haunted Ooh-ooh! Look at all these little guys! Clarence, b-be careful! Get down! [Laughs.]
I'm'ma be their big, giant dad.
Yeah! I wanna be a dad, too! We're dads! We're dads! [Crash!.]
Ohh! - Oh, geez.
- Ah, sorry, Jeff! - Jeff, I'm really sorry.
- I thought that table was Wild men.
Y-You're just wild men.
All the time.
But you know what? [Laughs.]
That's fine! B-Because I can be just as wild as anyone!!! I'll show you how wild I am! Haha! Let's go, baby! Ha! [Laughing maniacally.]
[Maniacal laughing continues.]
[Sighs.]
[Giggles.]
[Laughter.]
Sumo, the Bloody! You dare to face me in combat? Because, little did you know about my giant dragon! - That's right.
- Who also runs a car wash, I guess.
I'm the general manager.
Well, I use ice mace! Plus 40 chill damage! [Laughs.]
Ow.
You got me.
But I still have - this card with some cats on it.
- What does that do? It It means you can use a combo attack! With fireballs! [Laughter.]
Ow! [Laughs.]
I like Wildman Jeff, but I like regular Jeff, too.
Heh.
I got an acorn in my throat.
Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Clarence: [Beat boxing.]
Hanging out with Jeff, waiting for Sumo He's in school, being really cool Horchata, Corbatta, frittata Those are the words that I learned in school [Beatboxing continues.]
Wow! I can't believe all the checks and balances.
Hey, Clarence, ever heard of a gathering of the Wizard Folk? It's like Tappy Cards, but much more expansive.
[School bell rings.]
[Grunts.]
[Sighs.]
I don't know why I even try.
Clarence: [Giggles.]
I got a finger flag.
- Come on, Clarence.
- It's all wiggly.
People are staring.
- Hi.
- Hi, Sumo.
- Hey! - Yeah, I gotcha.
Oh, is that your Science book? Oh, let me get that for you.
Wow, we're not even covering this stuff this year.
Ah, who cares! Let's go! Gotta get all this junk off here.
[Grunting.]
There! The battle-mat is all set.
Now flip the battle summoner I call heads! [Gasps.]
Yes! Let's see here.
I summon my main.
[Animal growls.]
[As Jeffrious.]
Typical Jeffiathan.
Always telegraphing your next move.
[Normal voice.]
I summon my dragon sorcerer.
Hmm.
I cast wet stone! All right.
Enough scrubbin'.
- Let's rinse this boy off.
- Hold on.
[Slap!.]
[Laughs as Jeffrious.]
You walked into my trap.
[Normal voice.]
Well, I think you did.
Let's see "In order to properly set up a trap, - you must " - You should move that card here.
Thanks, Sumo.
I-I think I know Wizard Folk better than you.
It's all laid out here in the Official Strategy Guide.
- Put that there.
- And mess up my defense? Yeah, right.
[chuckles.]
Oh! Burn ember stacks with the cyclone card, gaining double damage? Sending Jeffrious to victory! Sumo, how did you know to do that? Ah, we play that game in class to help us with Math - or Spelling or something.
- You wanna play a round? Welp, almost done.
Oh, no! Sumo, we need to operate stat.
Sumo? I summon Gildar, Defender of the Dadrae.
He's got nothin' against the Mighty Wall of Sea revoking your summon.
- That move can't be legal.
- You wish it wasn't.
- I use one of my cast stones.
- I reveal my caster.
You fool, Sumo.
Now I can summon my Oh, wait.
How does this work again? "In order to level up your summoner" - I-It should be here.
- Take your time.
"You must sacrifice a spell.
" Ah, okay.
[Clears throat.]
Well, Sumo the Bloody, it's been fun, but it's time to end this game.
[Gasps.]
I sacrifice my Flame Phoenix! Clarence: And one giant, magical shark wizard makes a spell that turns you into applesauce! 40,000 magic points! [Music.]
[Laughs.]
Clarence, no amount of spells can make 1,000 damage, - let alone 40,000.
- I take my Frezeezy Peak card - and freeze your applesauce.
- Then, um, the shark swims away to Hawaii! [Laughing.]
I chase after, throwing applesauce snowballs! [Sighs.]
I was about to level up.
[School bell rings.]
Oh, neat! Camden, did you know that the red spot on Jupiter is an ongoing storm? Clarence: Uh-oh, Jeff.
There's a big bird that's gonna eat your head.
[Giggles.]
Or maybe he'll start with your tiny, little nose.
- Mm.
That looks good.
- Clarence, what are you doing? Ms.
Baker: Okay, so, guys, uh, unfortunately, the compasses we have gave Mr.
Lacruise-Cody's class tetanus.
So, we have to use these, made out of rulers.
- But they're nice.
- Ms.
Baker, a question.
How does [Squeaking.]
[All gasps, scream.]
Another one? I thought Jim was handling it.
[Plays flute.]
Okay, guys, settle down, okay? [Flute playing.]
Huh? [All screaming.]
No, Percy! Not again! Miss Baker, why is Pluto Oh, never mind.
[Smack!.]
[Grumbles.]
[All screaming.]
That's right.
Mars, slow down a little bit.
Don't forget to spin, Sumo! [Vocalizing, laughing.]
Oh-oh, Jupiter! You don't have enough moons.
You feel that, guys? This is the intricate cosmic ballet that we participate in every day! Ohh-oh-oh! [Grunts.]
[Laughter.]
A black hole consumed the Sun! Amazing work, as always, Gilben.
[School bell rings.]
- That's just not safe.
- Hey! Where's Clarence? He got bit by a rat and had to go home.
Ah.
Hey, you hungry? [Music.]
How'd you hear about this spot? Mr.
Mozer brought some to class.
Sometimes I don't even realize that I'm learning.
- Ugh! What an eye sore.
- It's a sundial.
That's the sun, and these are the paths of all the planets orbiting around it.
Oh, really? Which one is Earth? Here, I'll show you.
But I'll need a Moon.
[Both laughing.]
[Music.]
Did you know that the same face of the Moon - always faces Earth? - Hmm.
[Music.]
Oh, cool.
Sumo, look at this.
They seem so happy.
I wish we could have a setup like that.
What? We totally could! We could set up a table right here in the treehouse! Yeah! We could put all the rule books over here.
And get weapons and stuff for this wall! And we could even get costumes! And we could play for as long as we want! Yeah! Or until we run out of hit points.
Heh! Yeah.
And you could put the dragon car wash over there.
[Music.]
Hah, yeah! And we could put bows on all the dragons! Guys, I found a hole in the tree with all these acorns.
Bet I can stuff them all in my mouth, more than you, Sumo.
Sumo and I are kind of in the middle of - Oh, you're on! - Wait! What about our game Wizard Folk? - We can play later! - Okay.
[Laughs.]
Last one there's a rotten acorn.
[Both laughing.]
This is the most beautiful sweater and to think, you knitted it after you lost your hands.
[Crying.]
It's so good.
[Sniffles.]
[Music.]
[Farts.]
[Both laughing.]
[Music.]
Oh, yeah! [Laughs.]
[Music.]
[Laughs.]
Duck! [Laughing.]
Huh? Belson? Hey, Belson.
Who's your friend? Wait.
Wait! Come back.
Come back.
[Music.]
Whoa! Uh-huh.
Hi! Hi! [Music.]
Ooh.
[Laughs.]
Whoa.
[Both laughing.]
[Groans.]
[Both laughing.]
Uh [Music.]
[Farts.]
[Both laughing.]
Sumo: That's the whole point of it.
I felt I was right there in Dante's Inferno.
Right.
It's about rebirth and regeneration.
Hey! [Imitates farts.]
[Laughing.]
[Both laughing.]
[Gasps.]
[Both imitate farting.]
[laughing.]
Jeff: Okay, Sumo, no peeking! - Ta-da! - Whoa! It's our very own Dragonshire! Like we were talking about.
You made all this? It's so cool! Wow, I wish Clarence was here! He'd love this! Oh, yeah It's a shame, but isn't it kinda nice when it's just us? It's a little more intellectual.
Wouldn't you agree, my good man? - Huh? - Let's play.
Prepare yourself, Jeffrious! Because using my soul-sucker card, I'm about to send you to the Shadow Zone! That would be a nice move, Sumo the Bloody, but you forgot about my Wonderwall card in the defense position! Which means I get a free turn! A turn to play my ultimate spell! Yeah, get 'em, Jeff.
You sassy elf.
- Oh, hey, Clarence.
- W-What? How? Jeff, I found all the stuff from your scavenger hunt.
Whoa-oh-oh! Ah, sweet! [Music.]
Ooh? Jeff, did you set up this haunted house? It's not a haunted Ooh-ooh! Look at all these little guys! Clarence, b-be careful! Get down! [Laughs.]
I'm'ma be their big, giant dad.
Yeah! I wanna be a dad, too! We're dads! We're dads! [Crash!.]
Ohh! - Oh, geez.
- Ah, sorry, Jeff! - Jeff, I'm really sorry.
- I thought that table was Wild men.
Y-You're just wild men.
All the time.
But you know what? [Laughs.]
That's fine! B-Because I can be just as wild as anyone!!! I'll show you how wild I am! Haha! Let's go, baby! Ha! [Laughing maniacally.]
[Maniacal laughing continues.]
[Sighs.]
[Giggles.]
[Laughter.]
Sumo, the Bloody! You dare to face me in combat? Because, little did you know about my giant dragon! - That's right.
- Who also runs a car wash, I guess.
I'm the general manager.
Well, I use ice mace! Plus 40 chill damage! [Laughs.]
Ow.
You got me.
But I still have - this card with some cats on it.
- What does that do? It It means you can use a combo attack! With fireballs! [Laughter.]
Ow! [Laughs.]
I like Wildman Jeff, but I like regular Jeff, too.
Heh.
I got an acorn in my throat.
Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose