Phineas and Ferb s03e29 Episode Script

Aw, nuts! I'm standing on Baljeet's shoulders and I still can't see anything! This is not how it works! Relax, everyone.
Ferb and I devised a solution.
Hop on.
Phineas and Ferb! With technology that's slightly more advanced than what we have today.
Mom! You are doing it again! It helps my arches! Look, guys! It's Regent Monogram! And that girl must be Princess Isabella! And that girl must be Princess Isabella! Regent Monogram? When can I meet some of the local children? Princess, I'm afraid it's just not safe for you out in the wide world what with Doofus Khan on the loose.
Doofus Khan! He has been a plague on our land for far too long! I promise once his forces have been defeated, we'll throw you the biggest party money can buy.
Of course it won't cost you anything because you're a hereditary monarch.
Mom, wait till you see what Phineas and Ferb have done now! Look! Look! Acrobats! Acrobats? I love acrobats.
No, Mom, over ther– Oh, no! Doofus Khan's warriors! He's going after the royal thingy! He's going after the royal thingy! It is called a jaou.
Now, you see, this is exactly what I was– The Princess!!! Buford, get us down there! Quick! The Princess! The Princess! The Princess! The Princess! Doofus Khan! Why, that impertinent– A taunting scroll? How uncouth! Shall I order the final attack, sir? No, no, General Carl.
A full-scale attack now would put the Princess at risk.
Oh, if only Master Perry had not given up the way of the warrior and gone to live a contemplative life on the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness, he could retrieve the Princess.
Oh, if only someone could reach him and tell him of our plight! Guys, I know what we're gonna do today! Doofus Khan's multi-level yurt! Doofus Khan, Regent Monogram will have your head! Regent Monogram will never attack as long as I have his Princess.
Which should buy me all the time I need to complete my secret weapon and take over the Tri-Province Area! Meanwhile, I'm putting you in the penthouse dungeon.
You'll love the view.
Of course, I've planted booby traps all along the way and I alone know how to avoid them.
Must have forgot that one.
Oops! Oh, that's right.
You're supposed to skip this step.
Ah, it's under control, just– testing the system.
Oh, yeah, it works.
Yeah– Anyway, here you are.
You'll have a nice rack to sleep on and some rats to keep you company.
So, while you're here, enjoy your stay.
Ta-ta, Princess! I'll see you– There it is.
The Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness.
You know what I hate about The Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness? Just to get there you have to cross the Uncrossable River of Uncrossableness.
Who named all these things? That guy over there.
The Redundant Scribe of Redundantness.
Hi, there! Greetings! Okay Ferb, do we have anything for uncrossable rivers? What are they up to now? Oh, that'll do.
Ugh! Look, a Chinese eviscerating fish.
Though I suppose here in China, we just call them eviscerating fish.
Oh, but here we just call them eviscerating– So, how do we get up The Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness? No worries, Buford.
I think we have just the thing.
Oh, come on! Stupid mountain of stupidness! Actually, that was my original name for it! Oops.
My bad.
Sorry.
My apologies.
Mea culpa! Master Perry.
This is a great honor.
Wow.
I can't believe he's a platypus.
Phineas pulled a jaou with giant mechanical feet out of his backpack and that is what bugs you? Master Perry! Doofus Khan has kidnapped the Princess! Only you can save her! You mean you won't? But why, Master Perry? What made you give up the life of a warrior hero? What's he doing? That's a ripple dissolve.
He must be having a flashback.
Does he know we can't see it? Should we give him some privacy? I-I don't know the protocol for flashbacks.
Is he back? He's back.
Well, judging by the time you spent staring off into space, I'm guessing it's something pretty bad.
But somebody has to rescue the Princess.
If you won't come with us, at least you can train us to do it ourselves.
(Song: The Way of the Platypus) Oh, yeah! In other circumstances you might fail 'Cause I know you don't have a beaver tail You're not a platypus but I'm gonna see you sweat Milk! We're gonna see how much you can take I'm gonna work you through your union break You squeeze a silkworm, what'cha think you're gonna get? Silk! But I know a way we can make you a warrior Even though now you're a wuss It's the way of the platypus! But that's just the general information.
Here's some of the specific things you can look forward to in your workout! You're gonna run up a ramp with two buckets of water Swing over muck for some reason At some point you'll drop to your knees when it's raining And look up into the sky-y You'll stand on a post with your arms out Hey, these flowers are way out of season You'll fly to a swamp planet, meet a little green man And move big, heavy things with your mi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ind But I know a way we can make you a warrior Even though now you're a wuss It's the way of the platypus! It's the way of the platypus! Are you sure you won't come with us, Master Perry? The kingdom really needs you back.
He's doing it again.
Goodbye, Perry.
Where are they? You know I can't see anything, right? Follow my lead when we get there.
We're going right in the front door! I knew we shouldn't have let Baljeet drive.
Never mind that.
You two stay here and fend off the guards.
Ferb and I will rescue the Princess.
We got it covered, just watch out for booby traps.
We made it and completely unscathed.
Good thing we brought along that yak bladder.
Princess Isabella, we've come to rescue you.
Stand away from the– My hero! Don't worry Princess, we'll take the banister down.
It's safer.
Holy mackerel! How did you guys defeat all these soldiers? We're okay.
There was nothing to it.
No time for flashbacks! We have to go! What flashback? I'm just rippling! It relaxes me.
Well, would you look at that? A bunch of kids running away with the Princess– R-Running away with the Princess?! Oh, time to take matters into my own hands! What the heck is that? It must be Doofus Khan's secret weapon.
It's heading for the castle! What are we gonna do? I've got an idea! Great googly moogly! Amazing what you can do with a little bamboo and rice paper, huh? Doofus Khan! What have you done with Princess Isabella? T-That's none of your business! But there's no way she escaped, forcing me to move up my plans.
I can tell you that! You barbarian! I know I am, but what are you? Nyaa! You like that? The tongue set me back a week, but totally worth it.
Carl, duck! No, actually sir, I think it's a dra– Oh, that kind of duck.
A diabolical remodeling! We can't take much more of this! What should we do? Surrender! Oh, what now? A giant terracotta warrior? Roughly the same size as my dragon? Left leg! Right leg! What could he possibly want? Oh, look he's doing that "crane" thing.
You know, four centuries from now, that move is gonna be real cliché.
Of course, being terracotta you would be fire-proof.
All right.
Mono on mono, then.
That's not your mono! Man, they would love this in Japan! What the–? Phineas and Ferb! Mom! Mom! Oh, slapsies! I hate slapsies! Gotcha! He has the key to our defeat! You make puns when the other guy's down, dumbbell! Aww, poor babies feeling tired, huh? Allow me to put you to sleep! Ew, who puts armpit hair on a mechanical dragon? Next time, don't put your wind-up key in such an obvious place.
I cleverly hid mine in a spot only an ancient warrior would dare to go.
No! Perry the Platypus?! Hey, careful with the soft palette there! Ferb, the key! Uh-oh! Eject, everybody! Look! A giant mechanical terracotta warrior? Really, Candace? Wouldn't that be slightly more advanced that what we have today? Well, that would've been the point! Regent Monogram! Princess! Party now? You betcha! Great! Ah, well, back to the drawing board.
Compliments of Regent Monogram.
Oh, I hate these things! Insult to injury.
Well, all's well that ends well.
Perhaps, one day we'll devise a way to keep our fair lands safe from barbarian invaders.
You know, I think these blocks would make a great wall.
Ferb, I know what we're gonna do tomorrow! Well, that took longer than expected.
But, it is a great wall.
Yeah.
So What do you wanna do tomorrow? What? I kid.
We can rest.
How about a game of mahjong? These flowers are way out of season You'll fly to a swamp planet, meet a little green man And move big, heavy things with your mi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ind But I know a way we can make you a warrior Even though now you're a wuss It's the way of the platypus! It's the way of the platypus!