Clarence US (2014) s03e31 Episode Script
Talent Show
1 [Remote clicks.]
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Pardon me.
Coming through.
Brady, can't wait to see what you got for us.
[Thinking.]
Oh, brother.
Why did I even come? Welcome, one and all, to the first annual Clarence talent show! The winner gets a very special mystery prize.
Now, before we start, if you could all please add some hair to the bucket.
Everyone add a little.
It's all part of the show, people.
Time to welcome our first act, Kimby, Malessica and Courtlin! Baby, your brains don't mean nothing to me - Your personality is secondary - I love this song! Chelsea, stop! Uh.
Uh.
Uh, uh, uh.
Sorry, dude.
The rhythm, it's got me.
She's pretty good.
Hey, Clarence, you got a spot for me? I've been working on my stand-up.
This is kind of like a kids-only thing.
- I I get it.
It's okay, hon.
- [Gasps.]
They're done! - Aw.
- All right.
Give it up for KMC! [Muttering, snapping.]
All right.
Nice snap reaction.
This sounds like about an 8.
3 on the snap scale.
Up next is the healing gaze of Gilben.
[Music.]
[Echoing.]
Oh, I feel it.
- Wow.
- Oh.
[Snapping.]
That was magical.
- Okay, next up - Oh, yeah.
Take that.
Belson, I didn't know you wanted to be in the show.
I wanted to show you losers how fast I can beat this level.
Eat it, Breehn! Check this out.
- Oh, yeah, bonus stage - Hmm.
Maybe one day I could be good at video games.
No, probably not.
Hey, hey you! [Gasps.]
Brady! Br Ooh! So I got one spot in the show with your name on it.
What talent can I put you down for? - I don't really have any talents.
- What? No way.
Everyone has a talent, and I'm going to help find yours.
Hey, guys.
I made stew.
- Chad! Can you cover for me? - Huh? I got to help Brady find his hidden talent.
I I don't know, buddy.
You can be Chozo! It'll be great! [Groans.]
Hey, kids! I'm Chozo the Clown! Hey, Clarence said only kids could go up.
I don't know.
Okay.
Our next act is Hi, we're Percy and Pal.
- Wave and say hi, Pal.
- No! [Laughter.]
Why don't you wave and say hi? Ow! Stop! Why are you doing this? Get away from me! - Ah! - No! No, no, no! I'm sorry! I got your talent, Brady.
I got it right here.
Hmm.
Not so much.
Uh, next up, Sumo and his amazing dogs.
Jump! Maybe you're more of a cowboy.
Ouch.
Come here, let me check your heinie I'ma smack that butt until it's red and shiny I'm going to spank your butt - Mama said spank your butt - Ooh! I'm going to spank your butt Mama said spank your butt [Music.]
- Yeah! - Whoa! Ugh.
I'd like to thank those of you that graciously donated your hair earlier.
Behold! This one is Chelsea.
Wow, that's amazing.
And this one's Breehn.
Wow, it does look like him! - This one is Kimby.
- It looks just like me! And this one is Jeffrey.
- Wow! - Camden! Camden! Camden! Aw, butternuts.
Am I looking at a tap-dancing queen? No, no.
I can't dance.
Hmm I got an idea.
So I'm going to use these jump ropes to help you know how to dance.
You're like my puppet, and someday, you'll be my real boy.
- Oh, brother.
- Feel the rhythm.
Feel the rhyme.
Get on up.
It's Brady time.
Come on.
Dance it out.
You're a dancing queen.
Clarence, it's cutting off my circulation.
Ugh.
I'm the only person in the world who doesn't have a talent.
I might as well not even exist.
Cut that out.
You are very talented, mister.
- I'm just not sure how yet.
- Clarence, come on! Mavis is about to do her limbo act! It's going to be insane! [Grunting.]
Wow, dang, look at her go.
[Both chuckling.]
Wow, she's really not messing around, huh, Brady? [Audience snapping.]
Okay, final act of the day, Brady Brown.
- Anyone seen Brady? - Uh Brady? Looks like he's not showing, so I guess that means the show is over? Nooo! - [Grunts.]
Oh! - Clarence, are you all right? Mom, I need you to stall for time while I find Brady.
- So, I can do my act? - Yeah, yeah.
Just don't let anyone leave until we're ready.
- What's going on back here? - I'm going to do my act! Please welcome to the stage Clarence's super hot mom! - Ow-ow! - Chad Chad, that's not appropriate.
All right.
How's everyone doing out there? You, uh, everyone is doing well? As you know, I am a mom, and the thing about being a mom is it's completely crazy.
Like, for me, going to the grocery store alone feels like a vacation.
[Laughter.]
Uh, that's right.
And you know why I like going out for dinner, right? Because someone else does the dishes! [Laughter.]
Oh, and don't get me started on laundry.
This guy knows what I'm talking about.
Brady? Hmm.
[Sniffs.]
He hasn't gone far.
My mommy is my best friend She's always - Ahh! - Hey, crazy guy.
What are you doing in here? Sometimes when I'm alone, I play a song using paper cups.
Are you serious? Aw, I got to hear it.
Well, I wrote this for my mom for her birthday.
[Terrible singing.]
I love you, Mommy You are so pretty From your head to your toes You make me dinner You smell like a rose You are my best friend - You fill my life with joy - Eh You hold my heart I'm your baby boy - So what do you think? - Uh, yeah, what do I think? I would say that what you got there is pretty great, but maybe we can spice it up a little.
You know what? I'll be right back.
I wonder what he's got in store for me this time.
Okay, I'm back.
This was my mom's tap-dancing outfit from when she was little.
You can wear it under your regular clothes, and after the song, you tear them off and surprise everyone.
But, Clarence, my clothes aren't tear-away clothes.
Really? Hmm.
- Good grief.
- Time for your pants.
Anyway, uh, you know, I'm telling him, you know, "I'm your mother, not your maid.
" You know, I'm I am his mother.
[Kids groaning.]
I'm not a maid.
All right.
Well, guys, you know what? I think that's pretty much all of my material, so - Do a joke about Percy! - Yeah, do a joke about me! Oh, all right.
What's with Percy's shirt? You know, talk about green, am I right? [Wailing.]
- Boo! - Oh, no, I didn't mean It was just I was kidding around.
You're doing great, Mare! She's losing them, man.
And now for our final act, - we have Brady Brown doing, uh - A cup song! Oh, here, bud, let me help you with that.
Give it up for Brady! [Light cheering.]
You're all set.
Go get them, tiger! [Slap.]
[Music.]
I'm going to show them old Brady isn't a failure.
This is going to be so good.
He was going to use boring paper cups, but I changed them with mom's fancy glass ones so it would be a little more fancy.
Plus, there's a special surprise at the end.
He's going to do tear-away clothes and wear this Wait a minute! I love you, mo Ah! I goofed it up again.
Well, you better improvise.
Uh You are so pretty No, Brady, wait! Head to your toes [Gasping.]
You make me dinner You smell like a rose Ah! Ugh.
[Barking.]
[Laughs.]
You are my best friend Fill my life with joy Whoa! Sit.
Ah! Yay! You hold my heart I'm your baby Boy [Cheering.]
Oh, oh.
Brady, that was amazing.
Told you you were talented.
- I guess you were right.
- Well, people, I think it's pretty clear who the winner is today.
It's Camden and his really cool hair dolls! Aw, shucks.
What an honor.
The mystery prize for winning the talent show is this sticker sheet! But I used most of the stickers on the mystery box, so maybe take the box, too.
- All: Camden! Camden! Camden! - Oh, my.
Camden! Camden! Camden! Rats.
Why can't I have an ordinary friend like everyone else? Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Pardon me.
Coming through.
Brady, can't wait to see what you got for us.
[Thinking.]
Oh, brother.
Why did I even come? Welcome, one and all, to the first annual Clarence talent show! The winner gets a very special mystery prize.
Now, before we start, if you could all please add some hair to the bucket.
Everyone add a little.
It's all part of the show, people.
Time to welcome our first act, Kimby, Malessica and Courtlin! Baby, your brains don't mean nothing to me - Your personality is secondary - I love this song! Chelsea, stop! Uh.
Uh.
Uh, uh, uh.
Sorry, dude.
The rhythm, it's got me.
She's pretty good.
Hey, Clarence, you got a spot for me? I've been working on my stand-up.
This is kind of like a kids-only thing.
- I I get it.
It's okay, hon.
- [Gasps.]
They're done! - Aw.
- All right.
Give it up for KMC! [Muttering, snapping.]
All right.
Nice snap reaction.
This sounds like about an 8.
3 on the snap scale.
Up next is the healing gaze of Gilben.
[Music.]
[Echoing.]
Oh, I feel it.
- Wow.
- Oh.
[Snapping.]
That was magical.
- Okay, next up - Oh, yeah.
Take that.
Belson, I didn't know you wanted to be in the show.
I wanted to show you losers how fast I can beat this level.
Eat it, Breehn! Check this out.
- Oh, yeah, bonus stage - Hmm.
Maybe one day I could be good at video games.
No, probably not.
Hey, hey you! [Gasps.]
Brady! Br Ooh! So I got one spot in the show with your name on it.
What talent can I put you down for? - I don't really have any talents.
- What? No way.
Everyone has a talent, and I'm going to help find yours.
Hey, guys.
I made stew.
- Chad! Can you cover for me? - Huh? I got to help Brady find his hidden talent.
I I don't know, buddy.
You can be Chozo! It'll be great! [Groans.]
Hey, kids! I'm Chozo the Clown! Hey, Clarence said only kids could go up.
I don't know.
Okay.
Our next act is Hi, we're Percy and Pal.
- Wave and say hi, Pal.
- No! [Laughter.]
Why don't you wave and say hi? Ow! Stop! Why are you doing this? Get away from me! - Ah! - No! No, no, no! I'm sorry! I got your talent, Brady.
I got it right here.
Hmm.
Not so much.
Uh, next up, Sumo and his amazing dogs.
Jump! Maybe you're more of a cowboy.
Ouch.
Come here, let me check your heinie I'ma smack that butt until it's red and shiny I'm going to spank your butt - Mama said spank your butt - Ooh! I'm going to spank your butt Mama said spank your butt [Music.]
- Yeah! - Whoa! Ugh.
I'd like to thank those of you that graciously donated your hair earlier.
Behold! This one is Chelsea.
Wow, that's amazing.
And this one's Breehn.
Wow, it does look like him! - This one is Kimby.
- It looks just like me! And this one is Jeffrey.
- Wow! - Camden! Camden! Camden! Aw, butternuts.
Am I looking at a tap-dancing queen? No, no.
I can't dance.
Hmm I got an idea.
So I'm going to use these jump ropes to help you know how to dance.
You're like my puppet, and someday, you'll be my real boy.
- Oh, brother.
- Feel the rhythm.
Feel the rhyme.
Get on up.
It's Brady time.
Come on.
Dance it out.
You're a dancing queen.
Clarence, it's cutting off my circulation.
Ugh.
I'm the only person in the world who doesn't have a talent.
I might as well not even exist.
Cut that out.
You are very talented, mister.
- I'm just not sure how yet.
- Clarence, come on! Mavis is about to do her limbo act! It's going to be insane! [Grunting.]
Wow, dang, look at her go.
[Both chuckling.]
Wow, she's really not messing around, huh, Brady? [Audience snapping.]
Okay, final act of the day, Brady Brown.
- Anyone seen Brady? - Uh Brady? Looks like he's not showing, so I guess that means the show is over? Nooo! - [Grunts.]
Oh! - Clarence, are you all right? Mom, I need you to stall for time while I find Brady.
- So, I can do my act? - Yeah, yeah.
Just don't let anyone leave until we're ready.
- What's going on back here? - I'm going to do my act! Please welcome to the stage Clarence's super hot mom! - Ow-ow! - Chad Chad, that's not appropriate.
All right.
How's everyone doing out there? You, uh, everyone is doing well? As you know, I am a mom, and the thing about being a mom is it's completely crazy.
Like, for me, going to the grocery store alone feels like a vacation.
[Laughter.]
Uh, that's right.
And you know why I like going out for dinner, right? Because someone else does the dishes! [Laughter.]
Oh, and don't get me started on laundry.
This guy knows what I'm talking about.
Brady? Hmm.
[Sniffs.]
He hasn't gone far.
My mommy is my best friend She's always - Ahh! - Hey, crazy guy.
What are you doing in here? Sometimes when I'm alone, I play a song using paper cups.
Are you serious? Aw, I got to hear it.
Well, I wrote this for my mom for her birthday.
[Terrible singing.]
I love you, Mommy You are so pretty From your head to your toes You make me dinner You smell like a rose You are my best friend - You fill my life with joy - Eh You hold my heart I'm your baby boy - So what do you think? - Uh, yeah, what do I think? I would say that what you got there is pretty great, but maybe we can spice it up a little.
You know what? I'll be right back.
I wonder what he's got in store for me this time.
Okay, I'm back.
This was my mom's tap-dancing outfit from when she was little.
You can wear it under your regular clothes, and after the song, you tear them off and surprise everyone.
But, Clarence, my clothes aren't tear-away clothes.
Really? Hmm.
- Good grief.
- Time for your pants.
Anyway, uh, you know, I'm telling him, you know, "I'm your mother, not your maid.
" You know, I'm I am his mother.
[Kids groaning.]
I'm not a maid.
All right.
Well, guys, you know what? I think that's pretty much all of my material, so - Do a joke about Percy! - Yeah, do a joke about me! Oh, all right.
What's with Percy's shirt? You know, talk about green, am I right? [Wailing.]
- Boo! - Oh, no, I didn't mean It was just I was kidding around.
You're doing great, Mare! She's losing them, man.
And now for our final act, - we have Brady Brown doing, uh - A cup song! Oh, here, bud, let me help you with that.
Give it up for Brady! [Light cheering.]
You're all set.
Go get them, tiger! [Slap.]
[Music.]
I'm going to show them old Brady isn't a failure.
This is going to be so good.
He was going to use boring paper cups, but I changed them with mom's fancy glass ones so it would be a little more fancy.
Plus, there's a special surprise at the end.
He's going to do tear-away clothes and wear this Wait a minute! I love you, mo Ah! I goofed it up again.
Well, you better improvise.
Uh You are so pretty No, Brady, wait! Head to your toes [Gasping.]
You make me dinner You smell like a rose Ah! Ugh.
[Barking.]
[Laughs.]
You are my best friend Fill my life with joy Whoa! Sit.
Ah! Yay! You hold my heart I'm your baby Boy [Cheering.]
Oh, oh.
Brady, that was amazing.
Told you you were talented.
- I guess you were right.
- Well, people, I think it's pretty clear who the winner is today.
It's Camden and his really cool hair dolls! Aw, shucks.
What an honor.
The mystery prize for winning the talent show is this sticker sheet! But I used most of the stickers on the mystery box, so maybe take the box, too.
- All: Camden! Camden! Camden! - Oh, my.
Camden! Camden! Camden! Rats.
Why can't I have an ordinary friend like everyone else? Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose