Gintama (2005) s03e31 Episode Script
Cat Lovers and Dog Lovers Are Mutually Exclusive
[A request from Kintaro, woof!.]
[Please turn on the light and keep your distance away from the television when watching the show, woof!.]
Take care of the rest, Leader! I have discovered Bushido in a death surrounded by cuddly balls of flesh! ["Cat Lovers and Dog Lovers Are Mutually Exclusive.
".]
What's he doing?! He's not stopping a thing! Guess we have no choice, then.
You'll just have to be the bait.
In the meantime, I'll rush over to the old man! What good will that do?! The deal was to let me meet with the old man! Finally got you, Planet Eater! You'rethe Puke Shogun! I pursued you, inhabited the body of a stray cat, and lived in trash bins for years! By exterminating your kind, we will be released from these bodies! Let go! The curse of the balls of flesh will be broken today! I cannot die.
I cannotdie yet! It was karma that made you inhabit a smelly dog! It's useless to resist! Resign yourself and die! Don't take me lightly, Puke Shogun! Get a taste of this ultimate technique, which I perfected over these past eighteen years! Candlelight Last Sparking! Looked like an ordinary flip to me.
It's the Candlelight Last Sparking! Never thought it would come in handy.
This may seem like a strange question but did a large dog, a little dog, and a little leader pass by? I don't know.
What do you mean by little leader? Small in stature, but big in ability.
So I guess I should say, big leader.
Well, I don't know.
Strange.
Maybe the leader isn't here yet.
A bizarre bunch like that would attract lots of attention.
You're bizarre, too.
Could they have been caught by the balls of flesh? Hey, did you find him, Jiro? Nope.
Saburo, you should have kept an eye on him! Who'd think someone so sick could get up?! Damn it! Where the hell would he have gone in that condition? Could it be that he has gone to find Kintaro?! That's impossible Not in that condition.
'Scuse me.
Someone called me.
Oh, there he is.
Mr.
Odd Jobs! Hey there.
Sorry, but we have a problem.
Huh? The master of a parasitic alien? Yeah.
Actually, the leader and I were attempting to get the alien and the master together.
Hey, let me ride! Got yourself involved in another messy situation, eh? I heard he was on his deathbed and never imagined he would leave the hospital.
Say, let me ride! Just move the doll.
No way.
This is Kagura's stand-in, Suzanne.
Oh hello, I'm Katsura.
And where's Kagura? Oh right! The leader's being pursued by a parasitic alien and is in danger.
What?! Is that true? You seem to have your hands full, but will you help? All right! Let's split up members.
All right, please take care of the rest! I'm counting on you, Suzanne.
Don't be a burden now.
There are cats everywhere.
I can't tell which ones are real cats and which ones are those aliens.
Damn it! I exhausted my energy in that earlier scuffle, and my life gauge is down to five.
[Life Gauge.]
[Smoke one cigarette and you lose one bar.
.]
Since when did you have that setting? Look what you did.
Now I have to conquer the world with only five bars left.
That's one bar per continent.
Five is plenty in order to see the old man.
I said, I won't see him! You're so persistent! Well, never mind.
In any case, it's dark, so let's get some light.
Where're you taking the light from?! What fool uses someone's life candle for lighting purposes?! And how the hell did you do that? How'd you materialize it just now? Stop yammering, will ya? Here, I'll give you my life candle.
Give me? You can do such a thing? Here.
How's that? Hey, it's burning so bright! Isn't this fireworks?! Even if it's a short life, burn hot and bright and overtake the moment.
That's my way of life.
Who cares about your way of life! You're melting the candle next to it! Extinguish it! Put it out right now! Who extinguishes it like that?! Hey, you put an extra candle out! Now there's only three left! I can't breathe.
Hey, hang on! Do you intend to die before you see the old man?! Intend to die? It's mostly you guys who're killing me.
I'm not gonna see the old man.
I can't let him see me like this.
You're that adamant about not seeing your master? Yes.
Maybe he was a bother to you, but you were also able to survive to this day because of him.
What's wrong with seeing him just one more time? For him, you were a friend who sustained his lonely existence for many years.
You damn brat That old man he's not like that.
We weren't like that.
We came to this park often together.
We had a set course we walked.
To observers, we were an old man and his old dog.
We may've looked extremely close.
No one could have imagined that we both wished the other would "Die!" [Kintaro.]
Yeah, that was the first word he ever uttered to me.
Die! That's what the old man always said.
Damn you! Die! If he didn't like something, that's what he said, no matter who it was.
Get outta here! To his wife, to his friends, and to me.
I don't know if that was the reason.
But one by one, the people around him died.
And in time, the old man was all alone.
And yet, he still kept on living.
You're a stubborn one too.
Hurry up and die.
Because, he still had someone to say, "Die" to.
Kintaro The old lady is gone and so are all my friends.
You're the only one left.
Do you know why I stay away from my kids even after my wife's gone, and continue living alone? I don't want them to see my dying face.
In my time, I've seen many a dying face, but it sucks.
It's not something you can show others.
I'm not gonna let anyone see such a shriveled-up face.
No thanks.
I'm gonna die alone, unnoticed by anyone.
So Kintaro, hurry up and die.
You're the only one left.
You die, you old bastard! We've gone on living, cursing each other to die.
I waited for the old man to die so I could conquer Earth.
I couldn't die, no matter what.
I survived, even if I had to crawl through life.
But the old man kept living, too.
As if he was competing with me, he didn't fall.
No matter what illness he caught, he overcame it.
He would stand before me as though nothing had happened, and sneer at me.
We never showed each other our weaknesses.
We'd drag our weary bodies and force ourselves to go walking.
Our legs could barely move, but we kept our pride and ran.
There wasn't a shred of feeling support for one another.
All we lived for was to outlast the other by a day, a minute, even a second.
That's how we are.
The old man is no different from me.
And you think the old man would be happy to see me? If he sees me, he'd get an adrenalin rush and get up again.
Leaving him alone is the best thing.
I'm sick of him, that persistent old man! Wanting to see him doesn't even cross my mind.
I wish he'd hurry up and die! What is that? O-Old man! Old man! Wh-What are you doing here?! You're supposed to be on your deathbed.
He's holding something.
A leash? No way! A walk? He thinks he's taking a walk?! He's barely conscious, yet he left the hospital, and he's taking a walkwith me?! Kintaro I won't lose.
I still have O-Old manwhy'd you come here? He's still competing with me, even in his condition? Enough already.
I've had enough! Enough.
Can't you understand, you old bastard?! II can't stand to see you like that.
Wait! Watch out! I found you.
I found you, Planet Eater! You can't escape now.
You are an evil presence.
We will erase each and every one of you from the universe! Y-You! Hurry! Hurry and go! How long must he walk alone?! I'm not telling you to say good-bye.
Go tell him to die.
Curse and rant at him until the very end.
Stay and fight with him.
Stay and die with him! And that'll dofor you two.
That's what you two are.
You're still going to get in our way?! This one is trying to destroy this planet! If you defend him, we'll consider you a danger to this planet, too! I don't care what you do to stop the conquest of Earth.
But there's two things we mustn't interfere with when it comes to this dog.
That's the time to eat and the time to take a walk! Shogun! Our offensive isn't working at all! What's with that girl's fighting strength?! She's even stronger than the Planet Eater! Summon Omega! Omega?! It's too dangerous! This is no time to be saying that! She is another threat to the planet! We must not let her escape! Parasite Omega.
Even among Planet Pukers, it had superior strength and was known as the Sweeper.
Omega was born from the power of alcohol in a cross-fertilization of Planet Eaters and Planet Pukers, and was the ultimate warrior possessing the strengths of both.
However, at the same time, it was psychologically unstable, and could go into a frenzy that matched the Planet Eaters.
Shogun, if we're not careful, this planet could be destroyed with us on it! That's the risk we must take in order to stop this new menace! It's over for you guys! Omega! Burn everything in sight! Hello, I'm Omemi.
Nice to meet you.
So, my time is near, eh? I can see cats flying through the air.
The candles.
Two of my life candles have been broken! I only have one left! What the hell is she doing?! Go! Hurry! A walk?! Is she crazy? I'm way past being able to do that! I-I can't even stand.
The old man's candle was probably snuffed out just now! Old man! What?! There's only one candle left, and he's standing! Kintaro, so you're finally at death's doorstep? How pitiful! I'm still fit as a fiddle.
If you're unable to take a walk, it's over for a human.
Old geezers should hurry and die! D-Don't take me lightly, you damn bastard! I've still got it.
I'll never lose to an old geezer like you! Hey, don't force yourself.
I know that you're already half-dead.
Same goes for you.
What a stubborn dog.
Damn old buzzard! Die! Please Die! Dear, what a thing to say! That pup's mother and siblings died after a difficult birth and it's all alone.
That's why I'm saying it should've died, too! And I'm saying that's a mean thing to say! That's not mean at all! What's mean is the mother and the siblings dying, leaving him all alone.
It's way harder being the one left behind.
I don't have the confidence to live long enough until he's old and dies.
If he's gonna be left all alone again, it would've been better if he had died, too.
That's the point I'm making.
I'm here.
There's no way I'll die before you! I'm ten years younger than you.
You can never depend on a woman.
You and I have different resolves.
Hey, you Unfortunately, I'm an old man.
I can't be a surrogate mom or brother to you.
But I can be your buddy.
Buddies are great.
Age, sex, family, relationships don't matter.
If you have a lover, your wife'll beat you up.
But you can have as many friends as you like and no one'll complain.
But because of it, I go by a single rule.
Don't die before your friend.
I hate it when you have lots of friends here and there, and you go and die and make them all sad.
So, you live until you're all alone and you cry alone.
You watch them all die, then you die alone.
Even if I cry, I'll never make a buddy cry.
That's my rule when making a friend.
So rest assured.
You'll never need to cry because you're all alone.
After you die, I'll cry for you.
So rest assured and die, buddy.
You old bastard, enough already.
That's enough Stopplease.
Hurry and die I don't want to see I don't want to see you hanging in there and suffering.
I don't want to see it anymore! You won't get away, Planet Eater! If you die, the extermination of Planet Eaters will be over.
Then we will be released from this body of flesh.
We'll change our parasite hosts and eradicate those beasts! It's our victo--! Huh? Huh? Huh?! I can't fire! Huh? Huh?! Huh?! Hey, did I just do something? I think you did.
I thought that if I didn't go to see him, he could die in peace.
Why'd he come here? Was it just to suffer? If I die, you'll be at peace, right? If I die first, you'll be at peace and can die too, right? But, I don't think we can do that anymore, old man.
I can't die before you die.
Damn, I'm starting to lose it, old man.
I don't know when it happened, but more than being the King of Terror I've wanted to be your buddy.
So I can't make you cry! So, why don't you hurry up and die, old man?! Die, old man! Please die! Old man, die! Die! Die! You old bastard! K-Kintaro I win.
Because youmade your buddy cry.
Th-Thanks Buddy Sadaharu, let's go.
The next episode: "Fights Often Ensue During Trips" [Around this time last year we had to skip an episode because of the Japan Series.
And this year.]
[We're Not Skipping!.]
[Please turn on the light and keep your distance away from the television when watching the show, woof!.]
Take care of the rest, Leader! I have discovered Bushido in a death surrounded by cuddly balls of flesh! ["Cat Lovers and Dog Lovers Are Mutually Exclusive.
".]
What's he doing?! He's not stopping a thing! Guess we have no choice, then.
You'll just have to be the bait.
In the meantime, I'll rush over to the old man! What good will that do?! The deal was to let me meet with the old man! Finally got you, Planet Eater! You'rethe Puke Shogun! I pursued you, inhabited the body of a stray cat, and lived in trash bins for years! By exterminating your kind, we will be released from these bodies! Let go! The curse of the balls of flesh will be broken today! I cannot die.
I cannotdie yet! It was karma that made you inhabit a smelly dog! It's useless to resist! Resign yourself and die! Don't take me lightly, Puke Shogun! Get a taste of this ultimate technique, which I perfected over these past eighteen years! Candlelight Last Sparking! Looked like an ordinary flip to me.
It's the Candlelight Last Sparking! Never thought it would come in handy.
This may seem like a strange question but did a large dog, a little dog, and a little leader pass by? I don't know.
What do you mean by little leader? Small in stature, but big in ability.
So I guess I should say, big leader.
Well, I don't know.
Strange.
Maybe the leader isn't here yet.
A bizarre bunch like that would attract lots of attention.
You're bizarre, too.
Could they have been caught by the balls of flesh? Hey, did you find him, Jiro? Nope.
Saburo, you should have kept an eye on him! Who'd think someone so sick could get up?! Damn it! Where the hell would he have gone in that condition? Could it be that he has gone to find Kintaro?! That's impossible Not in that condition.
'Scuse me.
Someone called me.
Oh, there he is.
Mr.
Odd Jobs! Hey there.
Sorry, but we have a problem.
Huh? The master of a parasitic alien? Yeah.
Actually, the leader and I were attempting to get the alien and the master together.
Hey, let me ride! Got yourself involved in another messy situation, eh? I heard he was on his deathbed and never imagined he would leave the hospital.
Say, let me ride! Just move the doll.
No way.
This is Kagura's stand-in, Suzanne.
Oh hello, I'm Katsura.
And where's Kagura? Oh right! The leader's being pursued by a parasitic alien and is in danger.
What?! Is that true? You seem to have your hands full, but will you help? All right! Let's split up members.
All right, please take care of the rest! I'm counting on you, Suzanne.
Don't be a burden now.
There are cats everywhere.
I can't tell which ones are real cats and which ones are those aliens.
Damn it! I exhausted my energy in that earlier scuffle, and my life gauge is down to five.
[Life Gauge.]
[Smoke one cigarette and you lose one bar.
.]
Since when did you have that setting? Look what you did.
Now I have to conquer the world with only five bars left.
That's one bar per continent.
Five is plenty in order to see the old man.
I said, I won't see him! You're so persistent! Well, never mind.
In any case, it's dark, so let's get some light.
Where're you taking the light from?! What fool uses someone's life candle for lighting purposes?! And how the hell did you do that? How'd you materialize it just now? Stop yammering, will ya? Here, I'll give you my life candle.
Give me? You can do such a thing? Here.
How's that? Hey, it's burning so bright! Isn't this fireworks?! Even if it's a short life, burn hot and bright and overtake the moment.
That's my way of life.
Who cares about your way of life! You're melting the candle next to it! Extinguish it! Put it out right now! Who extinguishes it like that?! Hey, you put an extra candle out! Now there's only three left! I can't breathe.
Hey, hang on! Do you intend to die before you see the old man?! Intend to die? It's mostly you guys who're killing me.
I'm not gonna see the old man.
I can't let him see me like this.
You're that adamant about not seeing your master? Yes.
Maybe he was a bother to you, but you were also able to survive to this day because of him.
What's wrong with seeing him just one more time? For him, you were a friend who sustained his lonely existence for many years.
You damn brat That old man he's not like that.
We weren't like that.
We came to this park often together.
We had a set course we walked.
To observers, we were an old man and his old dog.
We may've looked extremely close.
No one could have imagined that we both wished the other would "Die!" [Kintaro.]
Yeah, that was the first word he ever uttered to me.
Die! That's what the old man always said.
Damn you! Die! If he didn't like something, that's what he said, no matter who it was.
Get outta here! To his wife, to his friends, and to me.
I don't know if that was the reason.
But one by one, the people around him died.
And in time, the old man was all alone.
And yet, he still kept on living.
You're a stubborn one too.
Hurry up and die.
Because, he still had someone to say, "Die" to.
Kintaro The old lady is gone and so are all my friends.
You're the only one left.
Do you know why I stay away from my kids even after my wife's gone, and continue living alone? I don't want them to see my dying face.
In my time, I've seen many a dying face, but it sucks.
It's not something you can show others.
I'm not gonna let anyone see such a shriveled-up face.
No thanks.
I'm gonna die alone, unnoticed by anyone.
So Kintaro, hurry up and die.
You're the only one left.
You die, you old bastard! We've gone on living, cursing each other to die.
I waited for the old man to die so I could conquer Earth.
I couldn't die, no matter what.
I survived, even if I had to crawl through life.
But the old man kept living, too.
As if he was competing with me, he didn't fall.
No matter what illness he caught, he overcame it.
He would stand before me as though nothing had happened, and sneer at me.
We never showed each other our weaknesses.
We'd drag our weary bodies and force ourselves to go walking.
Our legs could barely move, but we kept our pride and ran.
There wasn't a shred of feeling support for one another.
All we lived for was to outlast the other by a day, a minute, even a second.
That's how we are.
The old man is no different from me.
And you think the old man would be happy to see me? If he sees me, he'd get an adrenalin rush and get up again.
Leaving him alone is the best thing.
I'm sick of him, that persistent old man! Wanting to see him doesn't even cross my mind.
I wish he'd hurry up and die! What is that? O-Old man! Old man! Wh-What are you doing here?! You're supposed to be on your deathbed.
He's holding something.
A leash? No way! A walk? He thinks he's taking a walk?! He's barely conscious, yet he left the hospital, and he's taking a walkwith me?! Kintaro I won't lose.
I still have O-Old manwhy'd you come here? He's still competing with me, even in his condition? Enough already.
I've had enough! Enough.
Can't you understand, you old bastard?! II can't stand to see you like that.
Wait! Watch out! I found you.
I found you, Planet Eater! You can't escape now.
You are an evil presence.
We will erase each and every one of you from the universe! Y-You! Hurry! Hurry and go! How long must he walk alone?! I'm not telling you to say good-bye.
Go tell him to die.
Curse and rant at him until the very end.
Stay and fight with him.
Stay and die with him! And that'll dofor you two.
That's what you two are.
You're still going to get in our way?! This one is trying to destroy this planet! If you defend him, we'll consider you a danger to this planet, too! I don't care what you do to stop the conquest of Earth.
But there's two things we mustn't interfere with when it comes to this dog.
That's the time to eat and the time to take a walk! Shogun! Our offensive isn't working at all! What's with that girl's fighting strength?! She's even stronger than the Planet Eater! Summon Omega! Omega?! It's too dangerous! This is no time to be saying that! She is another threat to the planet! We must not let her escape! Parasite Omega.
Even among Planet Pukers, it had superior strength and was known as the Sweeper.
Omega was born from the power of alcohol in a cross-fertilization of Planet Eaters and Planet Pukers, and was the ultimate warrior possessing the strengths of both.
However, at the same time, it was psychologically unstable, and could go into a frenzy that matched the Planet Eaters.
Shogun, if we're not careful, this planet could be destroyed with us on it! That's the risk we must take in order to stop this new menace! It's over for you guys! Omega! Burn everything in sight! Hello, I'm Omemi.
Nice to meet you.
So, my time is near, eh? I can see cats flying through the air.
The candles.
Two of my life candles have been broken! I only have one left! What the hell is she doing?! Go! Hurry! A walk?! Is she crazy? I'm way past being able to do that! I-I can't even stand.
The old man's candle was probably snuffed out just now! Old man! What?! There's only one candle left, and he's standing! Kintaro, so you're finally at death's doorstep? How pitiful! I'm still fit as a fiddle.
If you're unable to take a walk, it's over for a human.
Old geezers should hurry and die! D-Don't take me lightly, you damn bastard! I've still got it.
I'll never lose to an old geezer like you! Hey, don't force yourself.
I know that you're already half-dead.
Same goes for you.
What a stubborn dog.
Damn old buzzard! Die! Please Die! Dear, what a thing to say! That pup's mother and siblings died after a difficult birth and it's all alone.
That's why I'm saying it should've died, too! And I'm saying that's a mean thing to say! That's not mean at all! What's mean is the mother and the siblings dying, leaving him all alone.
It's way harder being the one left behind.
I don't have the confidence to live long enough until he's old and dies.
If he's gonna be left all alone again, it would've been better if he had died, too.
That's the point I'm making.
I'm here.
There's no way I'll die before you! I'm ten years younger than you.
You can never depend on a woman.
You and I have different resolves.
Hey, you Unfortunately, I'm an old man.
I can't be a surrogate mom or brother to you.
But I can be your buddy.
Buddies are great.
Age, sex, family, relationships don't matter.
If you have a lover, your wife'll beat you up.
But you can have as many friends as you like and no one'll complain.
But because of it, I go by a single rule.
Don't die before your friend.
I hate it when you have lots of friends here and there, and you go and die and make them all sad.
So, you live until you're all alone and you cry alone.
You watch them all die, then you die alone.
Even if I cry, I'll never make a buddy cry.
That's my rule when making a friend.
So rest assured.
You'll never need to cry because you're all alone.
After you die, I'll cry for you.
So rest assured and die, buddy.
You old bastard, enough already.
That's enough Stopplease.
Hurry and die I don't want to see I don't want to see you hanging in there and suffering.
I don't want to see it anymore! You won't get away, Planet Eater! If you die, the extermination of Planet Eaters will be over.
Then we will be released from this body of flesh.
We'll change our parasite hosts and eradicate those beasts! It's our victo--! Huh? Huh? Huh?! I can't fire! Huh? Huh?! Huh?! Hey, did I just do something? I think you did.
I thought that if I didn't go to see him, he could die in peace.
Why'd he come here? Was it just to suffer? If I die, you'll be at peace, right? If I die first, you'll be at peace and can die too, right? But, I don't think we can do that anymore, old man.
I can't die before you die.
Damn, I'm starting to lose it, old man.
I don't know when it happened, but more than being the King of Terror I've wanted to be your buddy.
So I can't make you cry! So, why don't you hurry up and die, old man?! Die, old man! Please die! Old man, die! Die! Die! You old bastard! K-Kintaro I win.
Because youmade your buddy cry.
Th-Thanks Buddy Sadaharu, let's go.
The next episode: "Fights Often Ensue During Trips" [Around this time last year we had to skip an episode because of the Japan Series.
And this year.]
[We're Not Skipping!.]