Clarence US (2014) s03e33 Episode Script
Dog King Clarence
1 [Remote clicks.]
[Upbeat music.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Lyrical barking.]
[Music.]
[Beans barking, whining.]
Clarence: Beans hey, Beans [Barking.]
Hey! Hey, Beans! [Chomps.]
Here you go.
[Munching.]
[Laughs.]
Thanks, Beans.
See you later! Here you go, Tuffy bacon and cheese.
Hi, Portia.
I got you some ketchup with cheese.
Bandit, I brought you some, um regular cheese.
[Chimney barks.]
Here, Chimney.
[High-pitched barking in distance.]
[Chomp!.]
Aw.
I love you.
I'll see you later! [Gasps.]
Mario! And the old man who lives with Mario! Come here, you little, old good boy.
I got some tasty cheese for you.
[Laughs.]
Oh, you really do have a way with dogs, boy.
Mario just loves you.
He doesn't even like me.
Yeah, every dog likes me 'cause I'm the Dog King! [Organ plays.]
And the dogs love the Dog King.
[Laughs.]
Oh, it's too bad you didn't run into Gale earlier, Dog King.
I heard she needed someone to watch her dog today.
- What?! - My friend Gale is gonna be out today and needed someone to watch her dog, but I think she already found someone.
[Bang!.]
Oh? Hey, Mario, save some for Papa.
[Mario growls.]
Okay, you're the boss.
[Grunting, panting.]
Clarence: [Muffled.]
Hello? Knock, knock, hello! [Knocking on door, doorbell ringing.]
Is anyone home? I heard there was a Dog King emergency.
[Normal voice.]
Hello, so, I really want to watch your dog.
Please let me watch your dog.
Oh, hi, Clarence.
That's very sweet of you, but I'm afraid Billy's already helping me today.
Please, let me watch your puppy.
- Clarence, I'm sorry, but - Oh, man, I really wanted to do this thing my mom is making me do, but, I mean, if Clarence wants to do it that bad, who am I to stop him? Wow, what a shame.
- Come on in.
- Thank you.
[Panting.]
Well, here he is my little Mr.
Cookies.
I'm afraid he's, uh, not quite right.
[Dramatic music.]
He looks all right to me! Well, looks can be deceiving.
- Miss Gale, why do you have a turt? - Oh, that's Jessica.
[Breathing heavily.]
Been my closest friend my whole life.
Wow.
I get to watch a dog and a really old turtle.
Yes.
[Snorts.]
Now, Clarence, I'll be gone all day, - so if you have any problems - It'll be fine.
You go have fun.
Clarence, I'm very serious.
Mr.
Cookies is very moody - Bye-bye, have fun! - Ahh! And say hi to Cloris for me, okay? [Grunting.]
Okay, bye! Whew, finally.
It's just you and me, Mr.
Cookies.
Looking pretty cute there, little doggie.
So, what do you want to do for [Growling.]
[Dramatic music.]
It's me, Clarence.
[Growling continues.]
[Gasps.]
[Panting.]
Huh.
Mr.
Cookies must not know I'm the Dog King.
Squeak, squeak, Mr.
Cookies.
[Growling, snarling.]
Ah! [Growls softly.]
Oh, I get it you got to know my smell first.
[Grunts.]
Come here, have a sniff.
[Growling, barking.]
[Panting.]
O-Oh, right.
You must be tired.
[Growling.]
Well, we'll go see if I can find your nap blankie.
[Music.]
Ooooh.
Oh, cool! [Laughs.]
[Seat squeaking.]
So soft [Laughs.]
[Air hisses.]
W-What?! [Telephone rings.]
Hello! This is Hip Clips! Clarence: Hi, Mom.
Guess where I am.
[Laughs.]
I don't know.
Where are you? The toilet.
Oh, that's nice, Clarence.
Having fun in there? Okay, guess where I am now.
Clarence, I got to I should get back to work.
Wait, Clarence.
Uh, where are you? [Laughs.]
[Laughing.]
No, you got you have to guess.
- Are you calling from our house?! - Okay, bye! Hmm.
Wonder who this lady is.
[Creepy music.]
Aww.
You guys are napping, too, huh? Mwah! Sweet dreams! [Eerie music.]
[Eerie giggling.]
[Door squeaking.]
[Grunting.]
[Clank.]
[Sniffs, gulps.]
No, thank you.
Oh, yeah! Oh, hey there.
How's it going? You staying chilly, you taters? [Chomp!.]
Oh mm.
[Groans.]
Oh, maybe Mr.
Cookies is hungry.
"Only one scoop.
" Okey dokey.
Mr.
Cookies! Dinner time! I got something for you to eat, so dig in! [Panting.]
Don't be like that, Mr.
Grumps.
[Gasps.]
Oh, I know what to do.
[Laughs.]
Don't tell your mom, but I'm going to give you some people food.
Hmm, well I don't know why you're not eating it.
Looks pretty[Coughs.]
[Strained.]
I'm just going to eat it all if you don't.
Here I go.
Yum, yum, yum.
[Gags, coughs.]
[Growling, barking.]
Oh, yep, it's all yours.
[Dramatic music.]
Uh it's okay.
It's okay, Mr.
Cookies.
Um, Mr.
Cookies, could you, um, please, maybe, stop? Do you want a cheese treat instead? Come on.
Nice cheese treat [Growling, barking continue.]
Umd-do you want to go for a walk? [Music intensifies.]
Guh! [Barking, growling continue.]
Slow down, Mr.
Cookies! [Barking.]
Oh, hey, Bark Bark.
[Mr.
Cookies growling loudly, snarling.]
[Barking.]
Mr.
Cookies, you're not being very nice.
Whoa, ah! [Grunts.]
Duncan, I [Barking.]
[Mr.
Cookies barking, snarling.]
Grandpa.
[Howls.]
[Barking, whines.]
No, Mr.
Cookies! [Whizz!.]
[Dramatic music.]
Whoa! [Horn honks.]
Put that mangy, flea-bitten dog on a leash! Mr.
Cookies, no! Slow down! [Music.]
[Panting.]
Come on, I'm your Dog King! Mr.
Cook Wait for me! It's Clarence! Come on! Mr.
Cookies, stop! Mr.
Cookies, come back! We need to ta [Whining.]
[Barks, whines.]
You could have just told me that if you wanted to go home.
[Barks, snarling.]
[Panting, barking.]
[Sad music.]
Oh, little Jessica I don't think Mr.
Cookies likes me that much.
I guess I'm not the Dog King.
Maybe I could be a Turtle King.
Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not any kind of king of anyone.
I'm not a king of an animal.
I'm not even a prince of anything.
[Growling, snarling.]
[Dramatic music.]
My foot shell! Mr.
Cookies, don't chew on that! [Bang!.]
[China jingling, crashes.]
Wait! Come back! [Vase shatters, telephone ringing.]
Ah! Ah! [Groans.]
Oof! [Glass shatters.]
[Mr.
Cookies growling.]
You've reached Gale.
If I don't answer after the third try, please send the ambulance.
[Answering machine beeps.]
Hi, Gale.
It's Gale.
[Yelps.]
Just reminding you to buy some more fireworks.
By the way, this tea party is wild! But you knew that.
All right, catch you on the flip.
[Answering machine beeps.]
You miss Gale, huh? [Growls.]
Ah! Hmm, you only like Gale, not me.
[Mr.
Cookies growling.]
[Dramatic music.]
[Gasps.]
Jessica! Mr.
Cookies, put her down! [Grunts.]
He's going to tear her apart! [Triumphant music.]
That's it! I'm looking in the closet for inspiration I really thought I got it But now I'm changing [Lyrical barking.]
Don't be a bad dog, it's me [As Gale.]
Oh, Mr.
Cookies [Lyrical barking.]
it's me, Gale.
Don't be a bad dog, it's me [Sniffs, growling.]
Oh, uh, don't you remember Mama? [Growling.]
[Panting.]
Little Jessica! [Rip!.]
[Sniffing.]
Whoa! [Grunting.]
[Mr.
Cookies whines.]
Are you okay? Little Jessica! [Mr.
Cookies barks.]
[Sloop!.]
[Sloop!.]
[Mr.
Cookies whining.]
What is it, Mr.
Cookies? [Laughing.]
I guess I am the Dog King.
Or maybe Gale's the Dog King.
[Laughs.]
Oh, Mr.
Cookies! [Sour notes play.]
Oh, no! - Clarence, are you okay? - Of course I am, silly.
[Mr.
Cookies whines, sniffs.]
I never should have left.
No, no, you have to be your own woman sometimes.
But someone could have gotten hurt! Clarence: Are you kidding? With a team like me and Mr.
Cookies, nothing could go wrong.
[Growling.]
Mr.
Cookies.
What's gotten into you? Okay, bye, Mr.
Cookies.
- Mwah.
- Wait! Clarence! Catch you on the flip, Gale.
Clarence! Are those my clothes?! Yep.
They sure are.
[Lyrical barking.]
- W-Wait! That's mine! - Don't be a bad dog, it's me Mr.
Cookies! Clarence! Come back! Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose
[Upbeat music.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Lyrical barking.]
[Music.]
[Beans barking, whining.]
Clarence: Beans hey, Beans [Barking.]
Hey! Hey, Beans! [Chomps.]
Here you go.
[Munching.]
[Laughs.]
Thanks, Beans.
See you later! Here you go, Tuffy bacon and cheese.
Hi, Portia.
I got you some ketchup with cheese.
Bandit, I brought you some, um regular cheese.
[Chimney barks.]
Here, Chimney.
[High-pitched barking in distance.]
[Chomp!.]
Aw.
I love you.
I'll see you later! [Gasps.]
Mario! And the old man who lives with Mario! Come here, you little, old good boy.
I got some tasty cheese for you.
[Laughs.]
Oh, you really do have a way with dogs, boy.
Mario just loves you.
He doesn't even like me.
Yeah, every dog likes me 'cause I'm the Dog King! [Organ plays.]
And the dogs love the Dog King.
[Laughs.]
Oh, it's too bad you didn't run into Gale earlier, Dog King.
I heard she needed someone to watch her dog today.
- What?! - My friend Gale is gonna be out today and needed someone to watch her dog, but I think she already found someone.
[Bang!.]
Oh? Hey, Mario, save some for Papa.
[Mario growls.]
Okay, you're the boss.
[Grunting, panting.]
Clarence: [Muffled.]
Hello? Knock, knock, hello! [Knocking on door, doorbell ringing.]
Is anyone home? I heard there was a Dog King emergency.
[Normal voice.]
Hello, so, I really want to watch your dog.
Please let me watch your dog.
Oh, hi, Clarence.
That's very sweet of you, but I'm afraid Billy's already helping me today.
Please, let me watch your puppy.
- Clarence, I'm sorry, but - Oh, man, I really wanted to do this thing my mom is making me do, but, I mean, if Clarence wants to do it that bad, who am I to stop him? Wow, what a shame.
- Come on in.
- Thank you.
[Panting.]
Well, here he is my little Mr.
Cookies.
I'm afraid he's, uh, not quite right.
[Dramatic music.]
He looks all right to me! Well, looks can be deceiving.
- Miss Gale, why do you have a turt? - Oh, that's Jessica.
[Breathing heavily.]
Been my closest friend my whole life.
Wow.
I get to watch a dog and a really old turtle.
Yes.
[Snorts.]
Now, Clarence, I'll be gone all day, - so if you have any problems - It'll be fine.
You go have fun.
Clarence, I'm very serious.
Mr.
Cookies is very moody - Bye-bye, have fun! - Ahh! And say hi to Cloris for me, okay? [Grunting.]
Okay, bye! Whew, finally.
It's just you and me, Mr.
Cookies.
Looking pretty cute there, little doggie.
So, what do you want to do for [Growling.]
[Dramatic music.]
It's me, Clarence.
[Growling continues.]
[Gasps.]
[Panting.]
Huh.
Mr.
Cookies must not know I'm the Dog King.
Squeak, squeak, Mr.
Cookies.
[Growling, snarling.]
Ah! [Growls softly.]
Oh, I get it you got to know my smell first.
[Grunts.]
Come here, have a sniff.
[Growling, barking.]
[Panting.]
O-Oh, right.
You must be tired.
[Growling.]
Well, we'll go see if I can find your nap blankie.
[Music.]
Ooooh.
Oh, cool! [Laughs.]
[Seat squeaking.]
So soft [Laughs.]
[Air hisses.]
W-What?! [Telephone rings.]
Hello! This is Hip Clips! Clarence: Hi, Mom.
Guess where I am.
[Laughs.]
I don't know.
Where are you? The toilet.
Oh, that's nice, Clarence.
Having fun in there? Okay, guess where I am now.
Clarence, I got to I should get back to work.
Wait, Clarence.
Uh, where are you? [Laughs.]
[Laughing.]
No, you got you have to guess.
- Are you calling from our house?! - Okay, bye! Hmm.
Wonder who this lady is.
[Creepy music.]
Aww.
You guys are napping, too, huh? Mwah! Sweet dreams! [Eerie music.]
[Eerie giggling.]
[Door squeaking.]
[Grunting.]
[Clank.]
[Sniffs, gulps.]
No, thank you.
Oh, yeah! Oh, hey there.
How's it going? You staying chilly, you taters? [Chomp!.]
Oh mm.
[Groans.]
Oh, maybe Mr.
Cookies is hungry.
"Only one scoop.
" Okey dokey.
Mr.
Cookies! Dinner time! I got something for you to eat, so dig in! [Panting.]
Don't be like that, Mr.
Grumps.
[Gasps.]
Oh, I know what to do.
[Laughs.]
Don't tell your mom, but I'm going to give you some people food.
Hmm, well I don't know why you're not eating it.
Looks pretty[Coughs.]
[Strained.]
I'm just going to eat it all if you don't.
Here I go.
Yum, yum, yum.
[Gags, coughs.]
[Growling, barking.]
Oh, yep, it's all yours.
[Dramatic music.]
Uh it's okay.
It's okay, Mr.
Cookies.
Um, Mr.
Cookies, could you, um, please, maybe, stop? Do you want a cheese treat instead? Come on.
Nice cheese treat [Growling, barking continue.]
Umd-do you want to go for a walk? [Music intensifies.]
Guh! [Barking, growling continue.]
Slow down, Mr.
Cookies! [Barking.]
Oh, hey, Bark Bark.
[Mr.
Cookies growling loudly, snarling.]
[Barking.]
Mr.
Cookies, you're not being very nice.
Whoa, ah! [Grunts.]
Duncan, I [Barking.]
[Mr.
Cookies barking, snarling.]
Grandpa.
[Howls.]
[Barking, whines.]
No, Mr.
Cookies! [Whizz!.]
[Dramatic music.]
Whoa! [Horn honks.]
Put that mangy, flea-bitten dog on a leash! Mr.
Cookies, no! Slow down! [Music.]
[Panting.]
Come on, I'm your Dog King! Mr.
Cook Wait for me! It's Clarence! Come on! Mr.
Cookies, stop! Mr.
Cookies, come back! We need to ta [Whining.]
[Barks, whines.]
You could have just told me that if you wanted to go home.
[Barks, snarling.]
[Panting, barking.]
[Sad music.]
Oh, little Jessica I don't think Mr.
Cookies likes me that much.
I guess I'm not the Dog King.
Maybe I could be a Turtle King.
Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not any kind of king of anyone.
I'm not a king of an animal.
I'm not even a prince of anything.
[Growling, snarling.]
[Dramatic music.]
My foot shell! Mr.
Cookies, don't chew on that! [Bang!.]
[China jingling, crashes.]
Wait! Come back! [Vase shatters, telephone ringing.]
Ah! Ah! [Groans.]
Oof! [Glass shatters.]
[Mr.
Cookies growling.]
You've reached Gale.
If I don't answer after the third try, please send the ambulance.
[Answering machine beeps.]
Hi, Gale.
It's Gale.
[Yelps.]
Just reminding you to buy some more fireworks.
By the way, this tea party is wild! But you knew that.
All right, catch you on the flip.
[Answering machine beeps.]
You miss Gale, huh? [Growls.]
Ah! Hmm, you only like Gale, not me.
[Mr.
Cookies growling.]
[Dramatic music.]
[Gasps.]
Jessica! Mr.
Cookies, put her down! [Grunts.]
He's going to tear her apart! [Triumphant music.]
That's it! I'm looking in the closet for inspiration I really thought I got it But now I'm changing [Lyrical barking.]
Don't be a bad dog, it's me [As Gale.]
Oh, Mr.
Cookies [Lyrical barking.]
it's me, Gale.
Don't be a bad dog, it's me [Sniffs, growling.]
Oh, uh, don't you remember Mama? [Growling.]
[Panting.]
Little Jessica! [Rip!.]
[Sniffing.]
Whoa! [Grunting.]
[Mr.
Cookies whines.]
Are you okay? Little Jessica! [Mr.
Cookies barks.]
[Sloop!.]
[Sloop!.]
[Mr.
Cookies whining.]
What is it, Mr.
Cookies? [Laughing.]
I guess I am the Dog King.
Or maybe Gale's the Dog King.
[Laughs.]
Oh, Mr.
Cookies! [Sour notes play.]
Oh, no! - Clarence, are you okay? - Of course I am, silly.
[Mr.
Cookies whines, sniffs.]
I never should have left.
No, no, you have to be your own woman sometimes.
But someone could have gotten hurt! Clarence: Are you kidding? With a team like me and Mr.
Cookies, nothing could go wrong.
[Growling.]
Mr.
Cookies.
What's gotten into you? Okay, bye, Mr.
Cookies.
- Mwah.
- Wait! Clarence! Catch you on the flip, Gale.
Clarence! Are those my clothes?! Yep.
They sure are.
[Lyrical barking.]
- W-Wait! That's mine! - Don't be a bad dog, it's me Mr.
Cookies! Clarence! Come back! Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose