Phineas and Ferb s03e33 Episode Script
Gi-Ants (15 min)
So, Candace, you made a teddy bear out of baklava? Yeah, bears like honey.
Baklavas made with honey.
Oh, so it's like a statement? You think it's weird, don't you? No, not weird, it's justâ Oh, wait, I got a customer, Candace.
So, I'll call you later, okay? He thinks it's weird.
Why is it that when Phineas and Ferb have an idea, everyone's like "Oh, wow, you guys are really clever!" And when I come up with something, everyone goes "What? Did you say something, Candace?" "What? Did you say something, Candace?" Oh, you know what I'm talking about, baklava bear.
Ew! Hey, Candace.
Did you just see a chicken wearing a baseball hat run by here? No, why? It was his turn to bat andâ Ooh! Are you still using these ants? Those aren't my ants! Do whatever you want with them.
Look, Ferb.
Wouldn't it be great to be part of an ant society? They're so efficient and productive.
They're like tiny us-es.
Hey, speaking of us, where's Perry? Hey, speaking of us, where's Perry? Sorry, Agent P.
Your monitor is on the fritz today.
Thanks to someone who isn't aware that croquet is an outdoor game.
Again, sir, there was nothing on the box to indicateâ Anyway, let's get this show on the road, shall we? Dr.
Doofenshmirtz has been collecting some extremely unusual items the last few days.
Some of the odd purchases include Carl, where are my inserts? Oh, sorry, sir.
Do that last bit again.
Some of the odd purchases include biomolecular components simply used to make organic computers, a giant pilgrim hat, and most curious of all, a huge pair of food booties, used on the end of turkey legs for decoration.
You know, Carl, I really like working live, it reminds me of my days in the theater group back at The Academy.
You know, Carl, I really like working live, it reminds me of my days in the theater group back at The Academy.
Francis, you stink! Get off the stage! Anywho, Dr.
Doofenshmirtz is up to something sinister.
Find out what it is and report back.
Monogram, out.
Carl, fade out.
Man.
You can go, Agent P.
Okay, Carl, turn on the lights.
Carl? Stop it, Carl.
That wasn't me.
Ladies and gentlemen, gape in awe at the sheer spectacle that is the Antius Maximus! Heh.
More like the Anti-Climaximus.
Heh? Yes, I got it.
Oh, that was just a scale model to get the investors interested.
This is the real thing.
Whoa! How did we miss that? And right over there is Ferb's Resize-inizer.
What does that do? Well, you find an anthill and then you add a scoop of it to the pot.
Then, the Ant Resize-inizer will rain enlarging fluid onto the dirt pile, and cause the ants to move towards the large synthostatic light, making them bigger.
Then they continue to the Antius Maximus, the perfect place for the larger ants to live.
In no time, we should have an ant farm filled with giant ants.
Or gi-ants.
Nice one! Oh, clever wordsmithing, good sir! Thank you.
Oh, fine.
And I just get an eye-roll for Anti-Climaximus? Oh, what the heck is that thing? Oh, I'm gonna go tell Mom.
In order to move amongst the ants without upsetting them, we need to douse ourselves in ant pheromones.
It's sort of like ant cologne, which will make them think that we're one of them.
But not too much! We don't want them getting too friendly! Bum, bum, bum! Stop it, Buford.
It smells like my grandma's house! Why does your grandmother's house smell like ant pheromone? Have you met my grandma? Let's go see what the ants think of our new cologne.
You know what I like about our friends? We say things like, "We're gonna douse you with ant pheromones".
And they're just like "okay, whatever".
They're so cool! Ha! Perry the Platypus? There's my guy.
Why the Thanksgiving-themed trap, you may ask? You know how you get all tired and lethargic after you eat Thanksgiving dinner? Well, it's not because you're really full and, you know, slightly out of shape but because of all the tryptophan in the turkey.
Now imagine, if the turkey were say the size of a car or a building, there would be no resisting the tryptophanicle level of nature's little sleeping potion.
Now imagine, if the turkey were say the size of a car or a building, there would be no resisting the tryptophanicle level of nature's little sleeping potion.
That is why I created the Turkey-inator! That is why I created the Turkey-inator! Wait, can youâ Can you see it from that little door, or do I have to move the hat, orâ You're good? You're good.
With this, I will fly over the city turning things into turkey all willy nilly, then No one will be able to resist all of that perfectly cooked turkey goodness.
And once the tryptophan kicks in, I'll take over the Tri-State Area with ease! Won't that be trypto-fun? You know, "tryptophan" Tryptoâ You know, "tryptophan" Tryptoâ Oh, it'sâ You know, likeâ I'm wasting all this wordsmithing on a platypus.
Candace, you know Wednesday is my Famous Statues Life Drawing class.
This had better be important.
Mom, Phineas and Ferb are building a huge glass and sand thing in the yard, it looks like a giant ant farm, but I don't know what it does! Candace, please Hold still, Linda! Look, Candace.
This is just gonna have to wait until I can take a break.
But Mom, they're abusing their liberty! Don't you find that ironic? Not enough to act upon right now, dear.
Okay, fine.
So long, Perry the Platypus! Next time you see me, I will be the indisputable ruler of the Tri-State Area! And when I say indisputable, I mean totally disputable! Wait.
No, no, that doesn't work.
I mean U-Uh, putable! I-I mean putaâ No.
Eh, the moment's gone.
Phineas and Ferb, let me in! Ew! What the heck is wrong with this doorbell? Hello? Ow! Oh, it got in my eyes! Helloo?! Ugh.
It tastes like Buford's grandmother's house! That is it! When I lay my hands on them A-ha! Phineas and Ferb, you are so.
bu.
Phineas and Ferb, you are so.
bu.
Bu Bu Buggy? Bu Buggy? Yeah, you know what? This is the wrong giant ant farm.
I'm just gonna head out, okay? But bang up job on the whole digging thing, really.
(Song: Ants) Okay? Oh, helloâ Yeah, take it easy.
(Ants) I-I guess I can stay for a little.
No need to crowd, okay? Livin' in an ant society (Ants) With ants much bigger than you and me (Ants) Diggin' in tunnels, it's a crazy scene (Ants) With soldiers, drones and one big queen Cool! (Ants) Ah You can spend your lives in here, it's great We can lift 10 times our body weight (Ants) (Ants) (Ants) Hey, I wonder where they're going? Probably to see their queen.
Good idea! Let's go see the queen! (Ants) Wow.
Candace? You're a queen? You know, you really should fix that doorbell.
I must have pressed it like 10 times, and all it did was squirt sticky stuff on me.
The pheromones! Oh, that's why the ants think you're their queen! So, what's it like to have millions of ants at your beck and call? Oh, it's great.
Finally, somebody appreciates my ideas.
Only, they keep bringing me crumbs and grasshopper legs.
I could really go for a salad.
And you think, they'd have a fancy queen dress or something.
Hey! Where are they going? Hey, get back here! What's the point of being a queen if you're all alone? Say, these bread crumbs aren't bad! Time to start my turkey takeover! Commence random firing! This is great! With Perry the Platypus out of the way, I can finish my sentences without getting punched inâ Candace! You've gotta see what the ants are up to! I think you really made an impression on them.
So, what'd they do? Well, you asked for a salad and a queen dress, so first, they evolved from a hunter-gatherer society, to an agrarian society.
Look, they mastered farming in less than 10 minutes.
Then, they put it all together to make you this salad.
There are still grasshopper legs in it, but other than that, it is not bad.
Then, three minutes ago, they had an Industrial Revolution.
Check it out! They're weaving the fabrics needed to make a dress for you! Wow, Candace, you're probably the most progressive Ant Queen ever! This is so cool! I should call Jeremy and tell him.
Oh, there's no service in here.
Nice.
You there! Make there be cell service for your queen! You think that's a good idea? Oh, like you'd never tamper with the delicately balanced, yet awesome power of nature.
Oh, Perry the Platypus, take that! And that! Oh! Oh, man, that's disgusting! Still, it can't be the first time someone's got their head stuck in a turkey.
Still, it can't be the first time someone's got their head stuck in a turkey.
So, how are my subjects doing? Shouldn't be long now.
It looks like they've entered the Information Age.
They are really into online gaming now! Hey! Who cast a sleep spell on me and stole all my gold? Ugh! Now that everything is automated, they have more time to devote to fun.
Fun?! What about my cell service? Get back to work, you lazy ants! Your queen commands it! Huh, would you look at that? Apparently, they've advanced beyond the need for a monarchy! Motion carried.
Fine! If I can't be queen, then it's busting time! Hey, guys.
Why is it so quiet in here? The ants have left.
They said something about needing to find themselves.
Oh, cool! Greetings, Phineas.
We have achieved total enlightenment, and have transcended the need for material things like, ant farms.
Wow! Good for you! Our new colony will now traverse the galaxy in search of the fabled Picnic Planet.
Oh, good, turkey! We can take that with us as an in-flight snack! Goodbye, Phineas and Ferb.
Goodbye! Have a good time evolving past the need for physical existence! As you'll see, the ants are the size of humans! Ta-da? Oh, yes.
I see.
Greetings, human-sized ants.
Hi, Mom! No! There were actually ants the size of people! See?! I was their queen! Yeah, Mom.
Candace inadvertently caused the ants to evolve.
Exactly, and I was their queen! Wow, Candace.
Just like on Mars.
I wasâ Iâ Oh, forget it.
I'm gonna go call Jeremy.
Do you think the ants will return some day? Yes.
Probably while we're having a picnic.
Perry the Platypus, be a dear and help a brother out.
Can't seem toâ Oh! Oh, thanks.
No! What are you doing?! Curse you, Perry the Platypus! Oh, I feel like a giblet.
Livin' in an ant society (Ants) With ants much bigger than you and me (Ants) Diggin' in tunnels, it's a crazy scene (Ants) With soldiers, drones and one big queen Cool! (Ants) Ah You can spend your lives in here, it's great We can lift 10 times our body weight
Baklavas made with honey.
Oh, so it's like a statement? You think it's weird, don't you? No, not weird, it's justâ Oh, wait, I got a customer, Candace.
So, I'll call you later, okay? He thinks it's weird.
Why is it that when Phineas and Ferb have an idea, everyone's like "Oh, wow, you guys are really clever!" And when I come up with something, everyone goes "What? Did you say something, Candace?" "What? Did you say something, Candace?" Oh, you know what I'm talking about, baklava bear.
Ew! Hey, Candace.
Did you just see a chicken wearing a baseball hat run by here? No, why? It was his turn to bat andâ Ooh! Are you still using these ants? Those aren't my ants! Do whatever you want with them.
Look, Ferb.
Wouldn't it be great to be part of an ant society? They're so efficient and productive.
They're like tiny us-es.
Hey, speaking of us, where's Perry? Hey, speaking of us, where's Perry? Sorry, Agent P.
Your monitor is on the fritz today.
Thanks to someone who isn't aware that croquet is an outdoor game.
Again, sir, there was nothing on the box to indicateâ Anyway, let's get this show on the road, shall we? Dr.
Doofenshmirtz has been collecting some extremely unusual items the last few days.
Some of the odd purchases include Carl, where are my inserts? Oh, sorry, sir.
Do that last bit again.
Some of the odd purchases include biomolecular components simply used to make organic computers, a giant pilgrim hat, and most curious of all, a huge pair of food booties, used on the end of turkey legs for decoration.
You know, Carl, I really like working live, it reminds me of my days in the theater group back at The Academy.
You know, Carl, I really like working live, it reminds me of my days in the theater group back at The Academy.
Francis, you stink! Get off the stage! Anywho, Dr.
Doofenshmirtz is up to something sinister.
Find out what it is and report back.
Monogram, out.
Carl, fade out.
Man.
You can go, Agent P.
Okay, Carl, turn on the lights.
Carl? Stop it, Carl.
That wasn't me.
Ladies and gentlemen, gape in awe at the sheer spectacle that is the Antius Maximus! Heh.
More like the Anti-Climaximus.
Heh? Yes, I got it.
Oh, that was just a scale model to get the investors interested.
This is the real thing.
Whoa! How did we miss that? And right over there is Ferb's Resize-inizer.
What does that do? Well, you find an anthill and then you add a scoop of it to the pot.
Then, the Ant Resize-inizer will rain enlarging fluid onto the dirt pile, and cause the ants to move towards the large synthostatic light, making them bigger.
Then they continue to the Antius Maximus, the perfect place for the larger ants to live.
In no time, we should have an ant farm filled with giant ants.
Or gi-ants.
Nice one! Oh, clever wordsmithing, good sir! Thank you.
Oh, fine.
And I just get an eye-roll for Anti-Climaximus? Oh, what the heck is that thing? Oh, I'm gonna go tell Mom.
In order to move amongst the ants without upsetting them, we need to douse ourselves in ant pheromones.
It's sort of like ant cologne, which will make them think that we're one of them.
But not too much! We don't want them getting too friendly! Bum, bum, bum! Stop it, Buford.
It smells like my grandma's house! Why does your grandmother's house smell like ant pheromone? Have you met my grandma? Let's go see what the ants think of our new cologne.
You know what I like about our friends? We say things like, "We're gonna douse you with ant pheromones".
And they're just like "okay, whatever".
They're so cool! Ha! Perry the Platypus? There's my guy.
Why the Thanksgiving-themed trap, you may ask? You know how you get all tired and lethargic after you eat Thanksgiving dinner? Well, it's not because you're really full and, you know, slightly out of shape but because of all the tryptophan in the turkey.
Now imagine, if the turkey were say the size of a car or a building, there would be no resisting the tryptophanicle level of nature's little sleeping potion.
Now imagine, if the turkey were say the size of a car or a building, there would be no resisting the tryptophanicle level of nature's little sleeping potion.
That is why I created the Turkey-inator! That is why I created the Turkey-inator! Wait, can youâ Can you see it from that little door, or do I have to move the hat, orâ You're good? You're good.
With this, I will fly over the city turning things into turkey all willy nilly, then No one will be able to resist all of that perfectly cooked turkey goodness.
And once the tryptophan kicks in, I'll take over the Tri-State Area with ease! Won't that be trypto-fun? You know, "tryptophan" Tryptoâ You know, "tryptophan" Tryptoâ Oh, it'sâ You know, likeâ I'm wasting all this wordsmithing on a platypus.
Candace, you know Wednesday is my Famous Statues Life Drawing class.
This had better be important.
Mom, Phineas and Ferb are building a huge glass and sand thing in the yard, it looks like a giant ant farm, but I don't know what it does! Candace, please Hold still, Linda! Look, Candace.
This is just gonna have to wait until I can take a break.
But Mom, they're abusing their liberty! Don't you find that ironic? Not enough to act upon right now, dear.
Okay, fine.
So long, Perry the Platypus! Next time you see me, I will be the indisputable ruler of the Tri-State Area! And when I say indisputable, I mean totally disputable! Wait.
No, no, that doesn't work.
I mean U-Uh, putable! I-I mean putaâ No.
Eh, the moment's gone.
Phineas and Ferb, let me in! Ew! What the heck is wrong with this doorbell? Hello? Ow! Oh, it got in my eyes! Helloo?! Ugh.
It tastes like Buford's grandmother's house! That is it! When I lay my hands on them A-ha! Phineas and Ferb, you are so.
bu.
Phineas and Ferb, you are so.
bu.
Bu Bu Buggy? Bu Buggy? Yeah, you know what? This is the wrong giant ant farm.
I'm just gonna head out, okay? But bang up job on the whole digging thing, really.
(Song: Ants) Okay? Oh, helloâ Yeah, take it easy.
(Ants) I-I guess I can stay for a little.
No need to crowd, okay? Livin' in an ant society (Ants) With ants much bigger than you and me (Ants) Diggin' in tunnels, it's a crazy scene (Ants) With soldiers, drones and one big queen Cool! (Ants) Ah You can spend your lives in here, it's great We can lift 10 times our body weight (Ants) (Ants) (Ants) Hey, I wonder where they're going? Probably to see their queen.
Good idea! Let's go see the queen! (Ants) Wow.
Candace? You're a queen? You know, you really should fix that doorbell.
I must have pressed it like 10 times, and all it did was squirt sticky stuff on me.
The pheromones! Oh, that's why the ants think you're their queen! So, what's it like to have millions of ants at your beck and call? Oh, it's great.
Finally, somebody appreciates my ideas.
Only, they keep bringing me crumbs and grasshopper legs.
I could really go for a salad.
And you think, they'd have a fancy queen dress or something.
Hey! Where are they going? Hey, get back here! What's the point of being a queen if you're all alone? Say, these bread crumbs aren't bad! Time to start my turkey takeover! Commence random firing! This is great! With Perry the Platypus out of the way, I can finish my sentences without getting punched inâ Candace! You've gotta see what the ants are up to! I think you really made an impression on them.
So, what'd they do? Well, you asked for a salad and a queen dress, so first, they evolved from a hunter-gatherer society, to an agrarian society.
Look, they mastered farming in less than 10 minutes.
Then, they put it all together to make you this salad.
There are still grasshopper legs in it, but other than that, it is not bad.
Then, three minutes ago, they had an Industrial Revolution.
Check it out! They're weaving the fabrics needed to make a dress for you! Wow, Candace, you're probably the most progressive Ant Queen ever! This is so cool! I should call Jeremy and tell him.
Oh, there's no service in here.
Nice.
You there! Make there be cell service for your queen! You think that's a good idea? Oh, like you'd never tamper with the delicately balanced, yet awesome power of nature.
Oh, Perry the Platypus, take that! And that! Oh! Oh, man, that's disgusting! Still, it can't be the first time someone's got their head stuck in a turkey.
Still, it can't be the first time someone's got their head stuck in a turkey.
So, how are my subjects doing? Shouldn't be long now.
It looks like they've entered the Information Age.
They are really into online gaming now! Hey! Who cast a sleep spell on me and stole all my gold? Ugh! Now that everything is automated, they have more time to devote to fun.
Fun?! What about my cell service? Get back to work, you lazy ants! Your queen commands it! Huh, would you look at that? Apparently, they've advanced beyond the need for a monarchy! Motion carried.
Fine! If I can't be queen, then it's busting time! Hey, guys.
Why is it so quiet in here? The ants have left.
They said something about needing to find themselves.
Oh, cool! Greetings, Phineas.
We have achieved total enlightenment, and have transcended the need for material things like, ant farms.
Wow! Good for you! Our new colony will now traverse the galaxy in search of the fabled Picnic Planet.
Oh, good, turkey! We can take that with us as an in-flight snack! Goodbye, Phineas and Ferb.
Goodbye! Have a good time evolving past the need for physical existence! As you'll see, the ants are the size of humans! Ta-da? Oh, yes.
I see.
Greetings, human-sized ants.
Hi, Mom! No! There were actually ants the size of people! See?! I was their queen! Yeah, Mom.
Candace inadvertently caused the ants to evolve.
Exactly, and I was their queen! Wow, Candace.
Just like on Mars.
I wasâ Iâ Oh, forget it.
I'm gonna go call Jeremy.
Do you think the ants will return some day? Yes.
Probably while we're having a picnic.
Perry the Platypus, be a dear and help a brother out.
Can't seem toâ Oh! Oh, thanks.
No! What are you doing?! Curse you, Perry the Platypus! Oh, I feel like a giblet.
Livin' in an ant society (Ants) With ants much bigger than you and me (Ants) Diggin' in tunnels, it's a crazy scene (Ants) With soldiers, drones and one big queen Cool! (Ants) Ah You can spend your lives in here, it's great We can lift 10 times our body weight