Doctor Who (1963) s03e35 Episode Script

Well Katie, my girl Five minutes should see the end of the man they think is Doc Holliday.
And then I can start trading again under another name, what name would you fancy Kate? Kate? "Gone back to the Last Chance Saloon.
" Why must women meddle?! With rings on their fingers and bells on their toes Look, fellas please, come on please Come on, sing! Sing up sing up! I've sung this song four times! Well then sing it again! I said sing it! Look, couldn't we try a different song? Once more then! The same one It's the Last Chance Saloon It's your last chance of givin', it's your last chance of rye It's your last chance of livin', and the last chance to Now what's going on here? Okay now boys, you put them guns away! Now Charlie, got yerself a new singer maybe? Why.
.
why no Kate, it's just that these gentleman Now Charlie, am I singin' here or ain't I? Wh-surely are Kate.
Well then, get that guy away from my piana' before we need a new barkeep real sudden! Wh-you heard what she said, I-I reckon you'd better Now now Come on now.
Get upstairs and lock your door, come on.
Oh, but I was enjoying playing! Now now! Go-on off you kid, now vamoose! Oh well if that's the way you feel Are you coming Steven? Yes.
Now hold on! Stay right there Mister! This time you play piana'! Me? But Yeah, let's take it from the top again - double tempo! Well thank you and goodnight! Dodo! Well it's quite alright Steven, don't mind me! Just have a good time with your new friends! Well now, perhaps we can get a little action around here? Okay Mr, make with the piana'! Make with the piana'.
.
! So fill up yer glasses and join in the song, the law's right behind you and it won't take long.
So come you coyotes and howl at the moon, until there's blood upon the sawdust at the Last Chance Saloon! You've a girl at Kansas swingin', it's your last chance to hide; It's your last chance at singin' 'til your long last ride.
It's your last chance of cussing at your hard-earned doom, it's your last chance of nothing it's the Last Chance Saloon! Not bad, not bad.
Well played Steven, my boy, well played! Yes, and you too my dear, excellent.
I'd really no idea Oh, thank you Doctor.
Neither had I.
Well, if it ain't the great Doc! Oh you flatter me my young man.
Yes, Reasonably accomplished I might say but not great.
You can say that again.
Oh really? Why? Oh, yes of course! We met a little while ago down at the dentist.
Yes, and you so very kindly invited me to join you and your friends for a drink! And a little talk now Yes, quite so.
Well I'm afraid I don't touch alcohol, but a little glass of milk and I shall be delighted.
Won't you introduce me? Yeah give me a pleasure.
Doc, I would like you to meet the Clanton brothers.
The Clanton brothers! Oh dear I mean how d'you do? Recognise the name, Doc? Oher Yes I do indeed, yes Steven don't you think we were going? Not just yet Doc, we haven't had our little talk about brother Reuben.
The late brother Reuben.
Oh yes I know.
Yes, sometimes after a bereavement it's very difficult to find exactly the right kind of words The right words? Easy! You see, Doc, the boys don't want they don't want words.
They want action.
Oh indeed.
Yes well If you take my advice I would leave it in the hands of the right people And the right people happen be your friend Wyatt Earp? He's not my friend, no.
I would rather call him casual travelling acquaintance.
Well that ain't the way I heard it.
Nor me.
Nor me.
We heard that you 'n him were closer than fleas on a porcupine! Wyatt Earp'n Doc Holliday, the bottle-puncher lawman and the good-for-nothing drunken gambler! Steady boy.
Let Seth handle this.
Wait a moment I think I can begin to see your mistake! It's your mistake that we're interested in, Doc! But I am not the Doc.
The man you're looking for is the local dentist, yes! He has a little shop here, along the street.
It seems to me that's where I found you.
Yes well I can explain that you see And ah, your gun's got his brand on it.
Ah well yes, as a matter of fact he lent it to me because Because what, Doc? Eh? well, just until I leave the town as it were You ain't leavin' Doc.
Live, that is! Eh excuse me gentlemen, gentlemen, you must have made a horrible mistake! Ah, Steven my boy One word out of your friend Regret here and he gets his! Ah for Pete's sake Doc, tell 'em you're Holliday! You can take on all four of 'em any time! Yes I'm sorry gentleman, but this is Holliday's young girlfriend, and she's only lying to protect him! Now as I've already told you about this gun! Okay don't try it fellas! Nice shooting Doc, but ya should have got him between the eyes! Between the who? Between the eyes! Oh my dear young lady, I.
.
! Kill the next one that moves! Yes-yes, quite so, quite so.
Very good idea, excellent.
Well, you heard - Steven get their guns! I thought I heard a shot.
Quiet! Now you just get right back to your room missy.
How do we proceed? Line 'em up against the piana'.
Yes, excellent idea.
Well gentlemen you will move in an orderly fashion - you too! Hey! You won't get away with this Holliday! I keep telling you I'm not Holliday! Well, what do we do now? Well Doc, I reckon that's up to you now.
You shoulda killed me when you had the chance Doc, cause you're gonna pay for this! Indeed, indeed! And may I point out that I still have the chance, sir? Well I don't have no gun! Exactly! That's the whole point isn't it? Am I hearin' right? If you ain't the lowest, meanest sidewinder Well, howdy sinners! 'Appen you's all holding a prayer meeting? Why, I'd be proud to join you.
My dear Marshall, I'm so glad to see you.
You know, I was trying to explain to them Looks like you was explaining, hand over yer gun! Well ! Wyatt and I do that kind of explaining around here.
Just easy down everybody - you too Kate.
Now who did what? We was just having ourselves a friendly discussion.
Yeah, before we could say a word he had us lined up here like a row of.
.
! Yeah, he'd of shot us all down in cold blood! Don't you listen to 'em Marshall, I saw the whole thing! Oh sure sure, boy.
Sure, it must of been quite a sight.
now Doc Now wait a minute Wyatt, this guy ain't Have you gone mad? Doc Holliday's Oh be quiet Bat.
I reckon I can figure clear enough what must have happened.
I'm gonna have to take you in.
You're under arrest, pop.
Under arrest? And don't you call me pop! You know very well who I am sir! I surely do old friend.
I want to see my solicitor! A what? A night in the Jailhouse is just about what you need.
Oh very well, but I promise you, you will regret this sir! All I hope is that you know what you're doin'.
Oh I reckon I do.
Well, goodnight sinners.
I'm sorry your stay in our fair, law abidin' city has been so rudely disturbed.
Well if that don't beat all! That figures.
He couldn't take us in until he'd got the Doc outta trouble like always! Hey, what about him? Yeah, what about him? How long are you proposing to keep me here? Hardly no time at all, ma'am.
Just relax.
Oh Kate.
So that's where you're hidin' Doc Holliday! Doc Holliday?! What's she doin here? Ah, she saw me fire the gun.
Yeah I guessed that was you, that's why I come a lookin'.
You shoulda killed the little rat! Ah, that thought did occur to me, but I reckoned that in the ensuing fracas you might get hurt as well as the old guy.
Sure.
Real soft-hearted ain't ya? Look which old guy are you talking about? Oh, a real nice old guy, lady.
He came in to get a tooth fixed.
That must have been the Doctor! What happened to him? Wyatt Earp's arrested him.
Arrested? Now why would Wyatt do a thing like that? Because Wyatt let them go on thinkin' the old guy was you, that's why! Oh yeah.
I must go to the Doctor, you've got to let me out of here! If he's in the hands of Wyatt Earp he could-not be safer.
Now then ladies, why don't all let's settle down to a nice game of chance? Now, how come you got a hold of Holliday's gun? I have already told you my dear Sheriff, he lent it to me.
And why would Holliday do a fool thing like that? Because he knew the Clantons was a-vying for him! Yes, a most unscrupulous man.
Yeah, I think I'll go and find him.
Ah, but I insist on coming with you! Now you'll stay right where you are.
Why, you've got four of the meanest characters in the territory believing you're Doc Holliday! You take one step outside of this Jail, friend and you're a deead man! You've a good chance of dyin', It's your last chance to hide.
There won't be no flyin' 'Til your last, long ride.
Now I don't care what Wyatt Earp said, that man's not Doc Holliday.
Well he sure enough shoots like Doc Holliday! He never fired that shot, they've got no right to arrest him.
He.
.
he's done nothing wrong! Are you planning to get him out of Jail? What's so funny? I gotta get him out! All you gotta do is gun down Earp and Bat Masterson.
Are you all set to try that? Oh of course not, but Well, I know if I can get him out of jail I can prove who he really is.
Now wouldn't that be somethin'? Boys, what d'ya say we give Mr Regret here a hand? There's gamblers from Denver, There's guns from the South, And many a Cowboy With a dry-dry mouth.
There's a ragtime piana' And a small back room, For-to sleep off your troubles In the Last Chance Saloon! Okay Doc, so you cleaned me out again.
I'm thirsty.
Kate ah take a look down in the bar to see if we've still got company.
Now Doc TAKE a LOOK I say! I'm sorry to speak sharp Missy, but I'm gettin' to feel almost as caged up here as you are.
They're still there, still drinkin'.
Oh well I think maybe I'll take a little walk.
Oh now Doc, you promised there'd be no more trouble! Now you wouldn't want me to die of thirst would you? Oh well now, if that's all that's troublin' you you left a bottle back in your office.
Why don't ya just crawl back there and get it? Now that's all a man needs - a real gentle understandin' woman! I'll be back just as soon as you've finished breaking up my character.
Ain't it wonderful honey? What a man'll do for what he truly believes in? Now where in thunder did I put that bottle? Right behind you Doc, right behind you.
Now that ain't friendly Wyatt, that ain't friendly at all.
Well maybe not.
I can't say as how I feel particular well disposed towards you right now.
You're gettin' clumsy.
Do you mind if I turn this lamp up to see that you haven't got a entire posse? Well now, what do you want? Only thing I want from you Doc is to get outta town.
Now where did I put that whiskey? Why the hell should I get outta town? I ain't done nothing again' the law.
Not yet, you ain't.
But when the Clantons finally wise-up, why, there's gonna be shootin', Doc.
And I can't keep that old guy locked up in jail forever you know.
That's my dentist's chair, that's dangerous Wyatt How long can you keep him then? Well, I'll release him as soon as I've told 'em the truth about you - tomorrow morning.
Now you can ride out tonight and get yerself a head-start.
But I've only just hit town! I only just set up this business! Well it'll still be here when you get back.
I mean, don't worry.
It's just 'til this thing blows over.
Would you mind tellin' me what this is all about? Old "Pa" Clanton and his boys are running the biggest rustling operation this territory's ever seen.
Pretty soon they'll be takin' over the whole of Tombstone unless somebody's gonna stop 'em.
Well, why don't you stop 'em then? Well Bat'n can't handle it alone.
We'll stop 'em soon as my brothers get here.
Oh, it looks like you could use an extra hand Well, later maybe.
But in the meantime Doc, just ride out.
Wyatt! Have you been drinking my whiskey? Ride out Doc! Else you'll be gunnin' for me come sun-up So this is the way we'll play it, Regret.
You take this gun up to the Jailhouse and slip it through the cell window to Holliday.
And he says: "Open the door or I'll shoot!" And where do you guys come in? Well we wait outside the Jailhouse in case anything goes wrong.
Yeah, sos we can prevent a misc Miscarriage of justice! To Welcome him back to society.
Oh! Not to gun him down? Why would we do a thing like that? You say he ain't Holliday - okay, he's got nothin' to fear! What do ya say? It sounds like a pretty foolproof idea! Well it sure is because you know come mornin' they're gonna ship him outta there.
Yeah, to the County jail.
And what happens after I give him this? You come back here, and then we take over.
We take over Yeah, I got the picture.
Okay, I'll see ya in twenty minutes.
Okay, right.
There's one born every minute! Hold it boys.
I don't think he believed us.
Phin', you follow him and make sure that him and his friend Holiday don't try to escape.
O.
.
k-kay.
And Billy, you get the rope.
Yeah.
With rings on their fingers And bells on their toes, The girls come to Tombstone In their high silk-hoes.
You really going to marry him? Surely am.
Though over how many dead bodies I don't rightly know.
But he's an outlaw! Ah honey, I've known them all in my time.
Jesse James, Billy the kid, Johnny Ringo.
And I'm tellin' you, the Doc's the best of the bunch.
He's a real gentleman.
Just been a mite unlucky, is all.
In what way? Oh was on the the run most of the time, leastways until he met up with Wyatt Earp.
Since then he's usually managed to keep the right side of the law.
That's why for the first time I guess he's gonna settle down.
Kate, seems you and I have to leave town before mornin', so go get packed.
Oh but Doc, why? Wyatt Earp is gunnin' for me, and you know that in my whole life I never killed a friend.
Ah, you're a real gentleman.
Go get packed.
Didn't I tell ya, honey? You've a good chance of dying, It's your last chance to hide; There won't be no flyin' 'Til your last, long ride.
Doctor! Doctor! Oh Steven, my boy! Good gracious I've been so worried about you! How's Dodo? She's fine.
She's locked in her hotel room quite safe.
Look, I've brought you this.
What on Earth for? Use it to bluff your way out.
The Clanton gang still think you're Doc Holliday, we'll be waiting for you.
We must get back to the TARDIS.
Yes, but my dear boy Look, there's not time to argue Doctor, we've only got ten minutes! Now good luck.
Yes, but Steven Oh, confound the boy! Oh dear me, it's Ten minutes.
Mr Werp.
.
? Oh, Mr Werp.
I say, can you do that? Nope.
And I wouldn't try it if I were you.
I have no intention of trying anything, only people do keep giving me guns and I wish they wouldn't! I wonder would you mind looking after it for me? My pleasure.
And who gave it to you? That young friend of mine, you know Steven.
A rather impetuous lad.
He said to meet him outside in ten minutes time.
Oh did he? Well I must go and have a word with him.
Oh yes I wish you would.
And would you kindly explain to him that I'm quite happy where I am for the moment? And I say Holliday's the meanest name that's ever polluted the fair name of the West! And while he's around there's gonna be nothing but trouble an' bloodshed! And the law The law says maybe he'll do a spell in jail, well are we going to let Wyatt Earp get away with that?! Then I say we go over to the Jailhouse, get him out and string him up from the nearest tree! Did he do what we said then? Yeah, Mr Regret didn't seem too keen on seein' us again.
Caught him goin' away from the Saloon.
That was mighty unwise of you Mister.
Okay boys, rope him! Come on now, what's the idea? Our idea is friend, that if Holliday don't bust out of Jail we got us a hostage.
He's gotta get out to stop you swingin' in his place! Come on! Let's go! Okay Doc, I'm ready.
Let's get going.
What about me? Don't you worry honey, I'll be returning you to your friends in you at the Jailhouse before we leave.
Hey Doc, take a look out here.
They've got Steven! They got my operating chair! Wait here! Hey Doc, come back here! Doc, you can't do nothin' now! DOC! Just hold on there friend! Are you Doc Holliday? That is my name.
Now you've done it! And aim to continue.
If you're Doc Holliday, I wouldn't go out there.
The whole town's out to lynch you! Yeah, I reckon he's right.
We'd better get outta town.
You saddle a couple of horses Kate? No Make it three.
Three? You'll have to come with us Missy.
But what about my friends? They're safe with Wyatt.
I can't take on the whole town on my own! But you promised to take me back to them.
Our only hope is to get outta here alive, now will you get on! Better come over here Wyatt.
When was you gonna break outta Jail? About now, Marshall! Well lookie here, somebody's fixin' up a reception for ya! What? Good gracious! And Steven's with them! String 'im up! Holliday is still in there! Get out of the Street Clanton, Holliday's my prisoner! Well that's too bad, 'cause if he's ain't out of there in two minutes his friend Regret is gonna swing in his place! You've a good chance of swingin', It's your last chance to hide; It's your last chance at singin' 'Til your last long ride