Whose Line Is It Anyway? (1998) s03e37 Episode Script
Season 3, Episode 37
And welcome to the 100th episode of "ose line is it anyway?" Pop open the champagne greg proops.
Send in the dancing girls wayne brady.
Put a hat on colin mochrie.
And grab your ugly shoes ryan stiles.
And I'm your host drew carey.
Come on down.
Let's have some fun.
Hello.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Welcome to "whose line is it anyway?" The show where everything is made up And the points don't matter.
That's right.
The points are just like the xfl.
You know, it's our 100th episode tonight.
It's pretty exciting, and, uh, yeah.
And I'm pleased to announce that for the 100th episode, We're each going to get a new car.
Whoa.
Oh, wait, I'm sorry.
That's just me.
Excuse me.
I'm the only one getting a new car.
Sorry, guys, But, hey, happy 100th episode to me.
Great to be here.
If you never saw the show before these 100 episodes, Everything is made up.
Let's get the show going.
We're going to start With a game called "number of words.
" This is for all of you.
Oh, yes.
I mean yeah! This is kind of a weird game And it's kind of complicated.
Let me give you the scene first.
Ryan, you're luke skywalker.
You're battling greg, who's darth vader, When space adventurer lando cal-- Wayne comes in to help.
Colin keeps entering as other "star wars" characters.
You can pick whatever ones you want to come in as, So the trick is they can only use A certain number of words every time they speak.
They have to use these exact number of words.
Greg, you can only and always have to use two words.
Colin, you always have to use three words.
Ryan, you always have to use four words.
Wayne, you always have to use five words Every time you speak.
So you've got the scene.
It's also a great rainy day fun game with the kids.
Take it away.
Time to die, vader.
Luke, I'm You're not my father.
Fight me.
Hey, baby, it's me lando.
Word up.
I've come to help you.
Kill him, lando.
Yeah! That's my good buddy chewey.
[ makes chewbacca noises, coughs .]
He doesn't say much.
Greg: Prepare now.
I'm not afraid of you.
Should be.
Schlitz malt liquor bull, anyone? Hey, master luke It's that funny robot.
Why are you walking so funny? My pants metal.
All our pants metal.
This looks easy now.
OuchOuch.
I'm dying.
Luke, luke, it's me leia.
The best leia ever.
[ buzzer .]
Pants metal.
Tonto.
Mmm, pants metal.
Points 1,000.
Let's go on to a game called "song styles.
" This is for wayne, With the help of laura hall, linda taylor, and cece worrall.
Now let me, uh, hold on.
Let me ask the guy in the white beard What's your name, please? Howard.
What do you do for a living, howard? I'm an engineer that designs closures For hazardous waste sites.
Sounds like thrilling dinner conversation.
Why don't you come over here, howard? And let's have wayne sing a song to you.
Why don't you go up there and say hi to wayne Have a seat on the stool? How you doing, howard? Pleasure, sir.
Have a seat.
This is howard, and he's an engineer.
Although, since he is an engineer, He can't simply explain his job.
He designs closures for hazardous waste sites, Which I don't know what that is, man, But you make sure they don't leak out and bubble over And contaminate everything.
Okay, good.
Glad you're around.
Now you're going to sing a song to howard Using his name and "occupation," And I guess you can tell by these hats here You're going to sing it As the style of the village people.
You're the cop.
Howard is the, uh, howard is the construction worker.
Stand up, howard.
And the rest of you get to grab these And do backup for him.
Hurry up before all the good ones get taken.
Man, you know what, colin? You look like a cracker jack box With a bad prize inside.
So whenever you're ready, You're going to sing a song to howard, who is an engineer, And does something-or-other with hazardous waste.
Take it away.
[ up-tempo music playing .]
well, now, howard, I'm talking to you howard makes the casa de poop howard he's got great taste he's never one to let anything go to waste he's howard never takes a nap he's howard he never gives a crap he's howard he's always full he knows a place where you can store all your bull he's howard Come on, howard.
h-o-r-w-a-r-d yeah oh, howard [ music playing rapidly .]
Howard! howard can you last? howard, how did this song get so damn fast? so, howard All: hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey howard h-o-r howard w-a-r-d howard h-o-r [ buzzer .]
You had a little equipment breakdown, right? What happened to the It's hard to explain.
I'm so sorry.
That's okay.
You know, I didn't know The village people even did polkas.
That was really fun.
I didn't think it was that noticeable.
Yeah.
da na na na na na na Man, that was like a wind-up monkey.
Watch out for those tempo changes, man, 'cause when we go into the second bridge, This [ bleep .]
takes off.
Thank you, howard.
Thank you, howard, thank you very much.
Thanks very much.
Howard, everybody.
Howard Or as wayne spells it horward.
Yeah.
Man, if you're not in my mind, You don't know what I'm thinking, You know what I'm saying? You got to bring that around.
Thank you very much, horward.
If this ever makes it to air, I'll be so amazed.
h-o-r-w-a-r-d horward horward It's hard to spell at 210 beats per minute.
Thanks for letting me wear your hat, man.
We'll be right back With the 100th episode of "whose line is it anyway?" Right after this.
Don't go away.
welcome back to "whose line is it anyway?" Tonight, of course, "whose line" is celebrating their 100th show.
It's our 100th show.
Congratulations.
It brings a little tear to my eye.
Of course, you know, when you do 100 episodes of a show, It only means one thing that you're not on upn.
Wow.
Let's go on to a game this is a really great game.
We've just been doing it For a little while here on "whose line.
" It's called "showstopping number.
" This is for colin, ryan, and wayne, With the help of laura hall and linda taylor.
Colin, ryan, and wayne.
Now what I need from the audience Is I need a suggestion of a boring place to work.
[ shouting .]
Drew: Accounting firm.
So you guys work at an accounting firm.
They're going to make up a scene About working in an accounting firm.
Colin and ryan start wayne is going to join later, And when I buzz, They have to break into a big showstopping musical number Using the line they've just said when I buzzed them, So you work in an accounting firm.
I'll just pack up my things.
Why you got fired? They're letting me go.
Why? Apparently, they say I don't fit in anymore.
T you so wl.
I know.
I'm one of the best employees down here.
Well, why are they firing you Because you don't fit in? What have you done? Well, they said I've been taking too many days off.
How many have you taken off? 43.
Doing what? I like to go to the beach.
[ buzzer .]
hey, look at me, I like to go to the beach well, it's right there it's right within reach and now my record my record's marred at least I can pronounce the name howard Doesn't that count for something? No, it doesn't count for anything.
I'll finish packing.
I wish I could help you.
You could.
You could go say something to the boss.
Stand up to mr.
Flecker? That's right.
Stand up to mr.
Flecker.
You know what? I'm going to go there.
I will.
I'll say, "hey, mister, hire my friend back Or I'm kicking your butt from here to Tuesday.
" Well, maybe you can shorten it a bit.
Hey, buster, hire my friend.
[ buzzer .]
hey, buster, hire my friend or I'll shove my foot right up your end [ making strange noises .]
Hey, hey, hey! What? What the hell happened there? Are you okay? You know, if you talk like that, It puts him off balance.
You know what? I think it's best I just leave.
I was just trying to help.
Whoa.
I was in my office and I heard Sorry, mr.
Flecker.
I'm on my way now.
Wait, mr.
Flecker, What's-his-name here deserves to stay.
Now normally I'd fire someone for their impudence, but I'm leaving.
You don't have to insult me! I don't know what's going on.
I would like to say that the two of you can stay.
I would like to give you both a raise.
I didn't know I was fired.
Oh, you were.
Look.
Oh.
But now see? It's gone.
Well, thanks, mr.
Flecker.
You're really living up to the company motto.
That's right.
Don't fuss with flecker.
[ buzzer .]
don't fuss with flecker, don't fuss with flecker don't be a heebie-jeebie silly rubbernecker you don't do it, don't act so nuts or flecker might get fleckerized and flick upside your butt hey [ buzzer .]
Thank you.
1,0 points apiece.
That was great.
You got my blood boiling.
Let's go on to a game now called "scenes from a hat.
" This is for all four of you.
Greg and wayne, ryan and colin, Come forward to your positions, please.
What happens in this game is before the show We asked the audience to write down suggestions for things, And one of them is scenes they'd like To see me pull out of this hat Starting with "things you can say about the food you eat, But not about ur girlfriend.
" Sure, I'll have seconds.
[ buzzer .]
Will you look at the mold on that? [ buzzer .]
Oh, my god, this is juicy.
[ buzzer .]
No one wants those eggs.
[ buzzer .]
Care for some more, boss? [ buzzer .]
"what president bush does in the oval office When he's all by himself.
" Oh, darn it! [ buzzer .]
Who beat al gore? Who beat al gore? [ buer .]
[ buzzer .]
"a brief glimpse Into the dreams of colin mochrie.
" [ moaning .]
[ buzzer .]
[ all screaming .]
[ buzzer .]
Yeah, you were great, sharon stone.
No, I'm not going to call you.
[ buzzer .]
"statements that will get bleeped by the censor.
" Really? Yep.
En español, I'm el grande ricardo, But you can call me big [ bleep .]
.
[ buzzer .]
I'm george w.
Bush, and I'm a [ bleep .]
ijimummit.
[ buzzer .]
Here, [ bleep .]
! [ buzzer .]
All right.
"outtakes from the first 100 episodes of 'whose line.
'" Here, [ bleep .]
! [ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
He thinks Both: hi de di de di de di [ buzzer .]
Hi, welcome to "whose line" oh, I'm so stupid.
[ buzzer .]
h-o-r-w-a-r-d [ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
All right, we'll be right back to find out who the winner is.
Don't go away.
Tonight's winner to "who greg proops.
Anyway?" Greg proops is the winner.
The rest of us are going to do a game for you called "hoedown.
" "hoedown," with laura hall on the piano.
Tonight we're doing a special hoedown.
Instead of getting the topic from the audience, It's written down on a card.
Greg, what's the topic of the hoedown? It is indeed, drew, "the 100th show hoedown.
" A hoedown about our 100th show.
Our 100th show tonight.
100 episodes of "whose line," lord, it changed my life it gave me financial security for myself and my wife so thank you, abc and warner bros.
you're my friend 'cause if it wasn't for "whose line" I'd be on upn well, today it was our 100th show it's been really fun great don't you know? let me just tell you something even though it's been a blast all you folks who have been watching "friends" you can kiss my ass 100 episodes of "whose line" where our names have been called 100 shows of them saying that I'm bald does it hurthe friendship? Can it stand the test? yes, it can, 'cause I'm hung the be colin says he's hung the best, that I just can't see I've known him for a long time and it cannot be he says he's got a big penis, but that's not a lock 'cause I have to tell you right now mine's tucked in my sock All: mine's tucked in my sock We'll be right back with mor"whose line" Right after this.
Don't go away.
and we're going to end the show tonight With everybody reading the credits for you.
This is how I want you to read the credits tonight.
"the 'whose line' 100th show celebration turns ugly.
" Thanks for watching, everybody.
Good night.
Oh, look, dan.
Oh, arthur forrest.
Arthur forrest.
How come my name is last? Hey, it's not my fault, man.
Hey, what are you doing? 100 shows.
What? Hey, you got a problem? What's the problem with that? sinced by Gus
Send in the dancing girls wayne brady.
Put a hat on colin mochrie.
And grab your ugly shoes ryan stiles.
And I'm your host drew carey.
Come on down.
Let's have some fun.
Hello.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Welcome to "whose line is it anyway?" The show where everything is made up And the points don't matter.
That's right.
The points are just like the xfl.
You know, it's our 100th episode tonight.
It's pretty exciting, and, uh, yeah.
And I'm pleased to announce that for the 100th episode, We're each going to get a new car.
Whoa.
Oh, wait, I'm sorry.
That's just me.
Excuse me.
I'm the only one getting a new car.
Sorry, guys, But, hey, happy 100th episode to me.
Great to be here.
If you never saw the show before these 100 episodes, Everything is made up.
Let's get the show going.
We're going to start With a game called "number of words.
" This is for all of you.
Oh, yes.
I mean yeah! This is kind of a weird game And it's kind of complicated.
Let me give you the scene first.
Ryan, you're luke skywalker.
You're battling greg, who's darth vader, When space adventurer lando cal-- Wayne comes in to help.
Colin keeps entering as other "star wars" characters.
You can pick whatever ones you want to come in as, So the trick is they can only use A certain number of words every time they speak.
They have to use these exact number of words.
Greg, you can only and always have to use two words.
Colin, you always have to use three words.
Ryan, you always have to use four words.
Wayne, you always have to use five words Every time you speak.
So you've got the scene.
It's also a great rainy day fun game with the kids.
Take it away.
Time to die, vader.
Luke, I'm You're not my father.
Fight me.
Hey, baby, it's me lando.
Word up.
I've come to help you.
Kill him, lando.
Yeah! That's my good buddy chewey.
[ makes chewbacca noises, coughs .]
He doesn't say much.
Greg: Prepare now.
I'm not afraid of you.
Should be.
Schlitz malt liquor bull, anyone? Hey, master luke It's that funny robot.
Why are you walking so funny? My pants metal.
All our pants metal.
This looks easy now.
OuchOuch.
I'm dying.
Luke, luke, it's me leia.
The best leia ever.
[ buzzer .]
Pants metal.
Tonto.
Mmm, pants metal.
Points 1,000.
Let's go on to a game called "song styles.
" This is for wayne, With the help of laura hall, linda taylor, and cece worrall.
Now let me, uh, hold on.
Let me ask the guy in the white beard What's your name, please? Howard.
What do you do for a living, howard? I'm an engineer that designs closures For hazardous waste sites.
Sounds like thrilling dinner conversation.
Why don't you come over here, howard? And let's have wayne sing a song to you.
Why don't you go up there and say hi to wayne Have a seat on the stool? How you doing, howard? Pleasure, sir.
Have a seat.
This is howard, and he's an engineer.
Although, since he is an engineer, He can't simply explain his job.
He designs closures for hazardous waste sites, Which I don't know what that is, man, But you make sure they don't leak out and bubble over And contaminate everything.
Okay, good.
Glad you're around.
Now you're going to sing a song to howard Using his name and "occupation," And I guess you can tell by these hats here You're going to sing it As the style of the village people.
You're the cop.
Howard is the, uh, howard is the construction worker.
Stand up, howard.
And the rest of you get to grab these And do backup for him.
Hurry up before all the good ones get taken.
Man, you know what, colin? You look like a cracker jack box With a bad prize inside.
So whenever you're ready, You're going to sing a song to howard, who is an engineer, And does something-or-other with hazardous waste.
Take it away.
[ up-tempo music playing .]
well, now, howard, I'm talking to you howard makes the casa de poop howard he's got great taste he's never one to let anything go to waste he's howard never takes a nap he's howard he never gives a crap he's howard he's always full he knows a place where you can store all your bull he's howard Come on, howard.
h-o-r-w-a-r-d yeah oh, howard [ music playing rapidly .]
Howard! howard can you last? howard, how did this song get so damn fast? so, howard All: hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey howard h-o-r howard w-a-r-d howard h-o-r [ buzzer .]
You had a little equipment breakdown, right? What happened to the It's hard to explain.
I'm so sorry.
That's okay.
You know, I didn't know The village people even did polkas.
That was really fun.
I didn't think it was that noticeable.
Yeah.
da na na na na na na Man, that was like a wind-up monkey.
Watch out for those tempo changes, man, 'cause when we go into the second bridge, This [ bleep .]
takes off.
Thank you, howard.
Thank you, howard, thank you very much.
Thanks very much.
Howard, everybody.
Howard Or as wayne spells it horward.
Yeah.
Man, if you're not in my mind, You don't know what I'm thinking, You know what I'm saying? You got to bring that around.
Thank you very much, horward.
If this ever makes it to air, I'll be so amazed.
h-o-r-w-a-r-d horward horward It's hard to spell at 210 beats per minute.
Thanks for letting me wear your hat, man.
We'll be right back With the 100th episode of "whose line is it anyway?" Right after this.
Don't go away.
welcome back to "whose line is it anyway?" Tonight, of course, "whose line" is celebrating their 100th show.
It's our 100th show.
Congratulations.
It brings a little tear to my eye.
Of course, you know, when you do 100 episodes of a show, It only means one thing that you're not on upn.
Wow.
Let's go on to a game this is a really great game.
We've just been doing it For a little while here on "whose line.
" It's called "showstopping number.
" This is for colin, ryan, and wayne, With the help of laura hall and linda taylor.
Colin, ryan, and wayne.
Now what I need from the audience Is I need a suggestion of a boring place to work.
[ shouting .]
Drew: Accounting firm.
So you guys work at an accounting firm.
They're going to make up a scene About working in an accounting firm.
Colin and ryan start wayne is going to join later, And when I buzz, They have to break into a big showstopping musical number Using the line they've just said when I buzzed them, So you work in an accounting firm.
I'll just pack up my things.
Why you got fired? They're letting me go.
Why? Apparently, they say I don't fit in anymore.
T you so wl.
I know.
I'm one of the best employees down here.
Well, why are they firing you Because you don't fit in? What have you done? Well, they said I've been taking too many days off.
How many have you taken off? 43.
Doing what? I like to go to the beach.
[ buzzer .]
hey, look at me, I like to go to the beach well, it's right there it's right within reach and now my record my record's marred at least I can pronounce the name howard Doesn't that count for something? No, it doesn't count for anything.
I'll finish packing.
I wish I could help you.
You could.
You could go say something to the boss.
Stand up to mr.
Flecker? That's right.
Stand up to mr.
Flecker.
You know what? I'm going to go there.
I will.
I'll say, "hey, mister, hire my friend back Or I'm kicking your butt from here to Tuesday.
" Well, maybe you can shorten it a bit.
Hey, buster, hire my friend.
[ buzzer .]
hey, buster, hire my friend or I'll shove my foot right up your end [ making strange noises .]
Hey, hey, hey! What? What the hell happened there? Are you okay? You know, if you talk like that, It puts him off balance.
You know what? I think it's best I just leave.
I was just trying to help.
Whoa.
I was in my office and I heard Sorry, mr.
Flecker.
I'm on my way now.
Wait, mr.
Flecker, What's-his-name here deserves to stay.
Now normally I'd fire someone for their impudence, but I'm leaving.
You don't have to insult me! I don't know what's going on.
I would like to say that the two of you can stay.
I would like to give you both a raise.
I didn't know I was fired.
Oh, you were.
Look.
Oh.
But now see? It's gone.
Well, thanks, mr.
Flecker.
You're really living up to the company motto.
That's right.
Don't fuss with flecker.
[ buzzer .]
don't fuss with flecker, don't fuss with flecker don't be a heebie-jeebie silly rubbernecker you don't do it, don't act so nuts or flecker might get fleckerized and flick upside your butt hey [ buzzer .]
Thank you.
1,0 points apiece.
That was great.
You got my blood boiling.
Let's go on to a game now called "scenes from a hat.
" This is for all four of you.
Greg and wayne, ryan and colin, Come forward to your positions, please.
What happens in this game is before the show We asked the audience to write down suggestions for things, And one of them is scenes they'd like To see me pull out of this hat Starting with "things you can say about the food you eat, But not about ur girlfriend.
" Sure, I'll have seconds.
[ buzzer .]
Will you look at the mold on that? [ buzzer .]
Oh, my god, this is juicy.
[ buzzer .]
No one wants those eggs.
[ buzzer .]
Care for some more, boss? [ buzzer .]
"what president bush does in the oval office When he's all by himself.
" Oh, darn it! [ buzzer .]
Who beat al gore? Who beat al gore? [ buer .]
[ buzzer .]
"a brief glimpse Into the dreams of colin mochrie.
" [ moaning .]
[ buzzer .]
[ all screaming .]
[ buzzer .]
Yeah, you were great, sharon stone.
No, I'm not going to call you.
[ buzzer .]
"statements that will get bleeped by the censor.
" Really? Yep.
En español, I'm el grande ricardo, But you can call me big [ bleep .]
.
[ buzzer .]
I'm george w.
Bush, and I'm a [ bleep .]
ijimummit.
[ buzzer .]
Here, [ bleep .]
! [ buzzer .]
All right.
"outtakes from the first 100 episodes of 'whose line.
'" Here, [ bleep .]
! [ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
He thinks Both: hi de di de di de di [ buzzer .]
Hi, welcome to "whose line" oh, I'm so stupid.
[ buzzer .]
h-o-r-w-a-r-d [ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
All right, we'll be right back to find out who the winner is.
Don't go away.
Tonight's winner to "who greg proops.
Anyway?" Greg proops is the winner.
The rest of us are going to do a game for you called "hoedown.
" "hoedown," with laura hall on the piano.
Tonight we're doing a special hoedown.
Instead of getting the topic from the audience, It's written down on a card.
Greg, what's the topic of the hoedown? It is indeed, drew, "the 100th show hoedown.
" A hoedown about our 100th show.
Our 100th show tonight.
100 episodes of "whose line," lord, it changed my life it gave me financial security for myself and my wife so thank you, abc and warner bros.
you're my friend 'cause if it wasn't for "whose line" I'd be on upn well, today it was our 100th show it's been really fun great don't you know? let me just tell you something even though it's been a blast all you folks who have been watching "friends" you can kiss my ass 100 episodes of "whose line" where our names have been called 100 shows of them saying that I'm bald does it hurthe friendship? Can it stand the test? yes, it can, 'cause I'm hung the be colin says he's hung the best, that I just can't see I've known him for a long time and it cannot be he says he's got a big penis, but that's not a lock 'cause I have to tell you right now mine's tucked in my sock All: mine's tucked in my sock We'll be right back with mor"whose line" Right after this.
Don't go away.
and we're going to end the show tonight With everybody reading the credits for you.
This is how I want you to read the credits tonight.
"the 'whose line' 100th show celebration turns ugly.
" Thanks for watching, everybody.
Good night.
Oh, look, dan.
Oh, arthur forrest.
Arthur forrest.
How come my name is last? Hey, it's not my fault, man.
Hey, what are you doing? 100 shows.
What? Hey, you got a problem? What's the problem with that? sinced by Gus