Phineas and Ferb s03e38 Episode Script
Bully Bromance Break Up (15 min)
Another week's allowance replacing wedgied underwear.
If I had anything left, I would invest in the company.
Wedgie time! Thanks for savin' my place in line, nerd! Buford, how did you find me? Let's just say the initials are G, P, and S.
Next! A pack of Tuff Gum, and this cheese grater.
What is the cheese grater for? You'll see.
$4.
86.
Paper or plastic? Plastic.
Pay the man, propeller-head.
Ugh! That is it! I can put up with noogies, wedgies, wet willies, and even the fact that you apparently placed a tracking device on, or inside my person But I will not tolerate your ignorant decision to take plastic over paper! From this moment on, I am no longer your nerd! Eh! Fine! I was feeling creatively stifled by you anyway! And you! You just cost me a perfectly good nerd! Maybe I'll make you my new nerd! Wow, your pressure tactics are quite developed for a youngster.
Yes.
Yes, they are.
But some people don't appreciate that! But some people don't appreciate that! Y-You may be the most intimidating person I-I've ever met.
You better believe it! You could probably bully the entire Tri-State Area! I'm getting tingly! (Song: Free) Oh, free! I am so free Free to be me It is me, that is free Hey, Baljeet.
You're just in time for what we want to do today.
Where's Buford? Who cares? I am finally free to live my own life! I feel like I can do anything! Like climb a mountain! Like climb a mountain! Great! Let's put that energy to work building our nextâ No! I mean literally climb an actual mountain! Danville Mountain! Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today.
Hey, where's Perry? Good morning, Agent P.
We've just received some intel that Doof has hired an assistant, some muscle, if you will.
He must be up to something big.
You know, I once put in a request for some muscle.
Got Carl.
And how many attacks since I came on board? Well, none, but wouldn't kill you to at least look the part.
You look like a pre-school crossing guard.
No need to be hurtful, sir.
Good luck, Agent P.
Agent P! I can see while helping you take over the Tri-State Area will afford me many new bullying opportunities.
But what's with the back-story, dude? I mean, who needs a special reason to boss people around? I never thought of it like that.
We'll get started as soon as I pick up some fresh lab coats.
These have got scorch marks all over 'em.
Out of my way, melon-heads! Move it, or never use it! Wow, this kid's always on the clock! Give Dr.
Toothenhurtz here his lab coat, Bright Eyes! I'm sorry.
We have a line here.
You might want to use it.
And you might want to rethink that.
I mean, it would be a shame if this double-dutch chocolate-mocha-espresso you've been drinking, were to, say I don't know, splishy-splash on all those pristine white lab coats you've got back there? Hold me! You wouldn't dare! Try me.
Fine! Take your dry-cleaning and go! Who would've thought that after all these years, all I need to take over the Tri-State Area was a grammar-school goon? A ham-handed half-pint.
A knee-high ne'er-do-well.
A pint-size palooka.
A pushy prepubescent.
Are you done? Nah, I got one more.
A pipsqueak pugilist.
Okay, now I'm done.
There it is.
Danville Mountain.
My quest lies ahead of me like an unpeeled potato.
We can help you skin that adventure spud! May we present, the MegaPants! You see, these hydraulic pistons will walkâ No! I need to do this myself.
And that means no inventions.
What? No gadgets, no gimmicks, just pure achievement! It will be great! Let us go! No inventions.
Are you guys gonna be okay? Sure! Why wouldn't we be? I don't know.
That rope bridge looks a little rickety.
A couple of hydrophilic unicycles wouldâ Not necessary! Fear is for yesterday.
Today, we live! New Baljeet rocks! rocked.
He made it! Well, with the bridge gone, we could probably use some spring-loaded boots! Or a drilling machine! Or Orâ Or Orâ I'll save you! Who is ready for some free climbing? Me! Dude, what's with the playset? Playset? No, this is a non-scale model of the Tri-State Area.
So you play with dolls? Maybe but-but it also helps me visualize my scheme, it doesn't have to be used with dolls.
all the time.
Maybe but-but it also helps me visualize my scheme, it doesn't have to be used with dolls.
all the time.
Maybe but-but it also helps me visualize my scheme, it doesn't have to be used with dolls.
all the time.
A-Anyway, this is our headquarters, larger for the sake of clarity.
And this, see this right here? This is my Sculpt-inator.
This part will scan my body, and this part will shoot a beam which will then carve Danville Mountain into a lifelike statue of me! Visible for literally miles in every direction! Not scale miles, real miles.
Then, when people see this splendid tower of manliness, they will just assume that I should be their leader.
Look! Look how it captures the manly thickness of my neck.
That's you? Yeah.
I think the cut of your lab coat is working against you.
I know, right? I've got to talk to my tailor about that.
Look, there's Baljeet's house! I'm gonna spit on it.
You know, I'm kinda surprised we haven't had a visit from my nemesis yet.
I'm sure he'll be along.
I can't wait to see the look on his face when he gets a load of you.
Hey, Baljeet! You sure you don't need any robotic suction spikes up there? Nope! Or how about mechanical lobster claws? Nope! Or maybe gas-propelled pine cone grappling hooks? Or cybernetically controlled towing spiders? I'm good! Surprise! Matching outfits! It's John Phillips of London Bullywear.
Plus, monogrammed jet-packs! Doof and Byoof! We rhyme.
Gee, thanks a lot! Wait till my friends get a load of me! Oh, you're not gonna need friends.
You're gonna be on top of the heap! Ugh, it's lonely at the top, but, you know, it's the top.
So it dulls the ache.
Yes!!! I have beat you, Danville Mountain! In your cliff face! I cannot wait to tell Bufâ Oh.
That is right.
Okay.
That's enough triumph for one day.
Are we done here, Baljeet? Yes.
Phineas, go! Ice chalet!!! If we hadn't been able to invent something soon, I was going to scream.
(Song: Big Honkin' Hole in My Heart) Somewhere out across that skyline Maybe down some lonely street There is a boy with anger issues Without whom I am incomplete Who will give me wedgies now? Now that we're so far apart? I have got to get him back somehow There is a bully-sized hole A bully-sized hole A bully-sized hole in my heart Who will I give noogies to? And tease for being so smart? I just don't know what to do There's a nerd-shaped hole in my heart There's a nerd-shaped hole A bully-sized hole A big honkin' hole in my heart Wait a second, you're singing? I-I know what that means, you're leaving, aren't you?! Sorry, Dr.
Dooftinasian.
But there comes a time when you don't wanna bully everyone.
You just wanna bully someone you love.
Nice kid.
Well, back to the inatorâ Okay! We gotta melt out the inside! You know, you really ought to pace yourself! Mudroom first! Ferb, start carving the bearskin rug! You're gonna get the bends or something.
You're too late, Perry the Platypus! Oop, make sure to get my good side! No! Perry the Platypus! Oh, you've ruined it! Where am I gonna get another mountain? Great job on this snow chalet, guys! It's amazing how the cocoa stays hot in these double-walled ice cups.
How are you feeling, Phineas? Coming down now.
Coming down.
I myself am so down.
I am in the basement.
Buford! As much as I'd like a tearful reunion, we gotta get off this mountain pronto! Why? Let's just say if you want a neck like mine you gotta start lifting young.
Before any of us move, I have got one last thing to do.
There! I feel much better.
Do not you? Wow.
I had no idea that was so uncomfortable.
I am so sorry.
It's been great sharing this mounting moment with you two, but we need to get off this crumbling mountain now! Grab hold of something! Do you ever get used to this? Nope! I am totally gonna wash my hands after this.
Twice.
Who could've guessed it? It's back to normal.
And explosion now Yep, just like that.
Curse you, Perry the Platypus.
Whatever.
Perry! I am sorry for my outburst earlier.
No.
I'm sorry for putting the GPS on you.
Consider it gone! Oh, yes.
This is much less humiliating.
Don't worry.
I'll get the duct tape.
He meant for my pants, right? I just don't know what to do There's a nerd-shaped hole in my heart There's a nerd-shaped hole A bully-sized hole A big honkin' hole in my heart Wait a second, you're singing? I-I know what that means, you're leaving, aren't you?
If I had anything left, I would invest in the company.
Wedgie time! Thanks for savin' my place in line, nerd! Buford, how did you find me? Let's just say the initials are G, P, and S.
Next! A pack of Tuff Gum, and this cheese grater.
What is the cheese grater for? You'll see.
$4.
86.
Paper or plastic? Plastic.
Pay the man, propeller-head.
Ugh! That is it! I can put up with noogies, wedgies, wet willies, and even the fact that you apparently placed a tracking device on, or inside my person But I will not tolerate your ignorant decision to take plastic over paper! From this moment on, I am no longer your nerd! Eh! Fine! I was feeling creatively stifled by you anyway! And you! You just cost me a perfectly good nerd! Maybe I'll make you my new nerd! Wow, your pressure tactics are quite developed for a youngster.
Yes.
Yes, they are.
But some people don't appreciate that! But some people don't appreciate that! Y-You may be the most intimidating person I-I've ever met.
You better believe it! You could probably bully the entire Tri-State Area! I'm getting tingly! (Song: Free) Oh, free! I am so free Free to be me It is me, that is free Hey, Baljeet.
You're just in time for what we want to do today.
Where's Buford? Who cares? I am finally free to live my own life! I feel like I can do anything! Like climb a mountain! Like climb a mountain! Great! Let's put that energy to work building our nextâ No! I mean literally climb an actual mountain! Danville Mountain! Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today.
Hey, where's Perry? Good morning, Agent P.
We've just received some intel that Doof has hired an assistant, some muscle, if you will.
He must be up to something big.
You know, I once put in a request for some muscle.
Got Carl.
And how many attacks since I came on board? Well, none, but wouldn't kill you to at least look the part.
You look like a pre-school crossing guard.
No need to be hurtful, sir.
Good luck, Agent P.
Agent P! I can see while helping you take over the Tri-State Area will afford me many new bullying opportunities.
But what's with the back-story, dude? I mean, who needs a special reason to boss people around? I never thought of it like that.
We'll get started as soon as I pick up some fresh lab coats.
These have got scorch marks all over 'em.
Out of my way, melon-heads! Move it, or never use it! Wow, this kid's always on the clock! Give Dr.
Toothenhurtz here his lab coat, Bright Eyes! I'm sorry.
We have a line here.
You might want to use it.
And you might want to rethink that.
I mean, it would be a shame if this double-dutch chocolate-mocha-espresso you've been drinking, were to, say I don't know, splishy-splash on all those pristine white lab coats you've got back there? Hold me! You wouldn't dare! Try me.
Fine! Take your dry-cleaning and go! Who would've thought that after all these years, all I need to take over the Tri-State Area was a grammar-school goon? A ham-handed half-pint.
A knee-high ne'er-do-well.
A pint-size palooka.
A pushy prepubescent.
Are you done? Nah, I got one more.
A pipsqueak pugilist.
Okay, now I'm done.
There it is.
Danville Mountain.
My quest lies ahead of me like an unpeeled potato.
We can help you skin that adventure spud! May we present, the MegaPants! You see, these hydraulic pistons will walkâ No! I need to do this myself.
And that means no inventions.
What? No gadgets, no gimmicks, just pure achievement! It will be great! Let us go! No inventions.
Are you guys gonna be okay? Sure! Why wouldn't we be? I don't know.
That rope bridge looks a little rickety.
A couple of hydrophilic unicycles wouldâ Not necessary! Fear is for yesterday.
Today, we live! New Baljeet rocks! rocked.
He made it! Well, with the bridge gone, we could probably use some spring-loaded boots! Or a drilling machine! Or Orâ Or Orâ I'll save you! Who is ready for some free climbing? Me! Dude, what's with the playset? Playset? No, this is a non-scale model of the Tri-State Area.
So you play with dolls? Maybe but-but it also helps me visualize my scheme, it doesn't have to be used with dolls.
all the time.
Maybe but-but it also helps me visualize my scheme, it doesn't have to be used with dolls.
all the time.
Maybe but-but it also helps me visualize my scheme, it doesn't have to be used with dolls.
all the time.
A-Anyway, this is our headquarters, larger for the sake of clarity.
And this, see this right here? This is my Sculpt-inator.
This part will scan my body, and this part will shoot a beam which will then carve Danville Mountain into a lifelike statue of me! Visible for literally miles in every direction! Not scale miles, real miles.
Then, when people see this splendid tower of manliness, they will just assume that I should be their leader.
Look! Look how it captures the manly thickness of my neck.
That's you? Yeah.
I think the cut of your lab coat is working against you.
I know, right? I've got to talk to my tailor about that.
Look, there's Baljeet's house! I'm gonna spit on it.
You know, I'm kinda surprised we haven't had a visit from my nemesis yet.
I'm sure he'll be along.
I can't wait to see the look on his face when he gets a load of you.
Hey, Baljeet! You sure you don't need any robotic suction spikes up there? Nope! Or how about mechanical lobster claws? Nope! Or maybe gas-propelled pine cone grappling hooks? Or cybernetically controlled towing spiders? I'm good! Surprise! Matching outfits! It's John Phillips of London Bullywear.
Plus, monogrammed jet-packs! Doof and Byoof! We rhyme.
Gee, thanks a lot! Wait till my friends get a load of me! Oh, you're not gonna need friends.
You're gonna be on top of the heap! Ugh, it's lonely at the top, but, you know, it's the top.
So it dulls the ache.
Yes!!! I have beat you, Danville Mountain! In your cliff face! I cannot wait to tell Bufâ Oh.
That is right.
Okay.
That's enough triumph for one day.
Are we done here, Baljeet? Yes.
Phineas, go! Ice chalet!!! If we hadn't been able to invent something soon, I was going to scream.
(Song: Big Honkin' Hole in My Heart) Somewhere out across that skyline Maybe down some lonely street There is a boy with anger issues Without whom I am incomplete Who will give me wedgies now? Now that we're so far apart? I have got to get him back somehow There is a bully-sized hole A bully-sized hole A bully-sized hole in my heart Who will I give noogies to? And tease for being so smart? I just don't know what to do There's a nerd-shaped hole in my heart There's a nerd-shaped hole A bully-sized hole A big honkin' hole in my heart Wait a second, you're singing? I-I know what that means, you're leaving, aren't you?! Sorry, Dr.
Dooftinasian.
But there comes a time when you don't wanna bully everyone.
You just wanna bully someone you love.
Nice kid.
Well, back to the inatorâ Okay! We gotta melt out the inside! You know, you really ought to pace yourself! Mudroom first! Ferb, start carving the bearskin rug! You're gonna get the bends or something.
You're too late, Perry the Platypus! Oop, make sure to get my good side! No! Perry the Platypus! Oh, you've ruined it! Where am I gonna get another mountain? Great job on this snow chalet, guys! It's amazing how the cocoa stays hot in these double-walled ice cups.
How are you feeling, Phineas? Coming down now.
Coming down.
I myself am so down.
I am in the basement.
Buford! As much as I'd like a tearful reunion, we gotta get off this mountain pronto! Why? Let's just say if you want a neck like mine you gotta start lifting young.
Before any of us move, I have got one last thing to do.
There! I feel much better.
Do not you? Wow.
I had no idea that was so uncomfortable.
I am so sorry.
It's been great sharing this mounting moment with you two, but we need to get off this crumbling mountain now! Grab hold of something! Do you ever get used to this? Nope! I am totally gonna wash my hands after this.
Twice.
Who could've guessed it? It's back to normal.
And explosion now Yep, just like that.
Curse you, Perry the Platypus.
Whatever.
Perry! I am sorry for my outburst earlier.
No.
I'm sorry for putting the GPS on you.
Consider it gone! Oh, yes.
This is much less humiliating.
Don't worry.
I'll get the duct tape.
He meant for my pants, right? I just don't know what to do There's a nerd-shaped hole in my heart There's a nerd-shaped hole A bully-sized hole A big honkin' hole in my heart Wait a second, you're singing? I-I know what that means, you're leaving, aren't you?