Phineas and Ferb s03e46 Episode Script
Agent Doof (15 min)
Candace, honey, I'm going out to a birthday party.
For who? You know Vivian's aunt's sister's landlord's son? Evan? His son.
Dexter? Yeah.
It's his birthday.
Why do they even have parties for two-year-olds? It's not like they're gonna remember anything.
Baby parties aren't for the babies, Candace.
They're for the moms.
The moms? So they can feel rewarded for all the hard work they do.
Toddlers are easy.
They eat, they poop, they sleep.
End of story.
You're a laugh riot, Candace.
Think you can handle watching Phineas and Ferb today? Piece of cake.
Have fun.
Hmm.
Time to be in charge.
So, what you're saying is that we should never cut the red wire first.
Okay, you two! I'm in charge and I'm gonna lay down some rules! Okay, shoot.
No leaving the yard, no amusement park rides, no robots, no rocket ships, Ferb, are you getting all of this? no time-shift, no remote control llamas, Cool.
no first edition issuing of commemorative coins, no asking where Perry is, no astrological planetary alignments.
.
Surprise! It's me! I've taken over the O.
W.
C.
A.
! Oh, no, he hasn't, Agent P.
Aw, spoilsport.
Doofenshmirtz claims to have given up evil.
He even signed this "I Give Up Evil" affidavit to apply for work at the Agency.
And normally, we could have rejected him because he's not an animal, but it turns out he was adopted by ocelots, making him, in the eyes of the law, an ocelot.
Sorry to do this to you, Agent P, but we're making Doofenshmirtz your responsibility during his probation period.
Show him the ropes, and, uh, don't let him out of your sight.
You're probably wondering why I suddenly decided to quit evil and become a good guy.
Well, you see, I'd just built an inator.
I called it the Babe-inator! No, it's not what you think.
Its purpose was to transform my brother, the Mayor, and all of his cronies into a bunch of crying babies.
That way I could take City Hall like babies taking candy away from whatever they take candy, uhâ That way I could take City Hall like babies taking candy away from whatever they take candy, uhâ Oh, you know what I mean.
Anyway, the Babe-inator was ready to go, so I took aim at my brother's office and pressed the button, but it didn't work! It didn't work for, like, the hundredth time! My evil plan did not work! And I thought to myself, "Maybe I'm just not good at being evil.
" That's when I had my epiphany.
From now on, I'm going to be a good guy! So, here I am! Wow, my own cubicle.
How nice! I'm gonna put a poster, right here, a kitten that says, "Hang in there".
No offense.
It's not like I think that's all you guys do, or anything.
Oh, great.
Now, he's going to Human Resources.
Oopsies! Better plug this in! and no invisible paint.
Oh, my gosh.
I don't know how you two turned yourselves into babies, but that is so bustable! Smile and say, "Hi, Mom!" Now, you two are so Where'd they go? Come back here! No, put the power drill down! Ugh! You stay rightâ Ferb! No, you get back here with my phone.
Hey, would you look at that! Newton the Gnu is Agent Silent G.
Whoo! I have to blog this.
Hmm.
Must be a coffee break.
Find the picture and send.
Oh.
They used to be so cute.
"Thanks for the old baby picture.
" Ugh.
Ooh, wait! I need something with today's date on it.
I could take a picture of them with one of those old-fashioned things.
It's like aâ A web page printed on paper A newspaper! Okay, stop and hold the paper.
Ferb, sweetie? Okay, just stand here and No! No, don't run away! Wait! Hold it! No, no, no, no.
Get back here.
How about if we just sit? Then hold the paper.
We don'tâ Weâ No, don't throw it.
Wait! Okay, just hold this.
Stay.
Phineas, no! No throwing.
We use ourâ Ew! Ow! Okay, hold this, Ferb.
Now, I'll justâ Where's my phone? Okay, fine! Okay, if pictures won't work, I'll just take you to Mom myself! I know we have an old stroller around here somewhere.
That's it, go right to sleep.
You'll be busted in just a little bit.
So then, the duck says, "Got any grapes?" Uh-oh, looks like, uh, coffee break is over.
Enter.
Agent P, we have a situation.
Is this about that grape joke? Who told on me? Was it the duck?! That's not why I called you in.
Get a look at this.
This is Newton the Gnu.
He was assigned to Dr.
Diminutive, but it seems some bonehead blew his cover on the blogosphere.
We still haven't found out who it was.
In the meantime, we'll need you to bring him in.
Get on it, Agent P, and, uh, take Doofenshmirtz with you.
A ride-along? Sweet! I can wear my new fedora! Get out of here! Carl, get in here! When you're done delivering the mail, I want you to wash and wax my car.
You know, a little wax on, wax off? It'll teach you karate! No, it won't.
I am loving this! We are like partners, now.
Likeâ Like Jack and Jill, or Alice and Wonderland! And with a super-cool vehicle! Be careful out there washing my car.
Be careful out there washing my car.
Don't scratch it.
Ooh, look at these buttons! Wh-What does this one do? Whoa! Oh, yeah, this is way cool! Doofenshmirtz! Wait till Mom sees you guys.
Shh! I didn't do anything! He's my brother.
Just a baby.
They cry, you know.
I know! Toys! I'll buy you some toys.
That's what makes babies stop crying! Oh, thank you.
I'll just be a second, okay? Don't go anywhere.
Stay! This apartment seems familiar.
Hey, would you mind if I kick down the door? Ugh, Doofenshmirtz? Awkward! Why are you wearing a fedora? I'm a good guy now! I believe you've met my partner? Perry the Platypus? Stay away from me! Fools! That was only my hologram! Don't worry.
I've got your back, partner.
Ha! I trapped you in a particle bubble from my new Photon 2000 Particle Bubble-erator! Oh, brother! Perhaps you'd like to join your friend, Newton the Gnu in his decidedly ordinary acrylic prison.
Can you believe it? I was having him over for a friendly dinner, when I read your blog telling me that Newton the Gnu is really Agent Silent G! I can't help it! I blog what I see! I've got some baby stuff! Oh, my gosh! Get back here! Suckers! Oh, my bike.
Oh, good, the cops are here! I can report this vandalism to theâ Put your hands up! Oh, that's right.
Phineas and Ferb, get back here! I can crawl around on the ground (Song: Here's Why It is Great to Be a Baby) I'm allowed to make obnoxious sounds I can be asleep both night or day I ain't got much hair to brush And there ain't no need for me to flush And that is why you'll always hear me say Man, it sure is great to be a baby You can sit all day and suck your thumb I can chew my brother's toes And play with the stuff inside my nose And the pans in the kitchen cupboard make great drums Get strolled, carried, burped and cuddled Wiped, powdered, diapered, swaddled Hugged, tickled, dried, tossed Ported, dressed, kissed, washed Swung, spoiled, peek-a-boo! Pampered, nibbled, coochee-coo! Snuggled, cuddled, rocked and fed Sung to, nursed and put to bed Okay, playtime's over.
We've got a party to get to.
As for your request, Heinz, I've decided to let you all go.
From 40 storeys up.
Just for the record, that's not exactly what I meant.
Yeah, I know.
What do you guys think? How am I doing so far? Hey, give it back! Uh-oh.
Oh, poop.
Hang on, boys! I'm gonna bounce us back to headquarters! Yee-haw! Sorry about your car, sir.
This is all I could find.
Oh, this is just not working out! Hey, Mom! I've found a couple of babies that you need to see! Babies? We'll take good care of them! Let me help! Uh, what are you guys doing here? We're helping Mom's aunt's sister's landlord son.
Hi, Candace.
Mom, I need to show you something.
It's humiliating! I'm stuck in this crummy, little cubicle while my office gets repaired! Anyway, Agent P, due to your quick thinking and decisive action, you were able to rescue Agent Silent G.
Doofenshmirtz, you're fired.
Is it because I blew up your car? No, it's because I have a list of complaints from Human Resources.
So, it was the duck! Let's face it.
You've done more harm inside the Agency than you ever did outside.
So, what you're saying is that I'm good at being evil after all! Norm, we're back in business! Dust off the inators! Later, chumps! I'll start with this one! Mom, these aren't babies that look like Phineas and Ferb.
This is Phineas and Ferb.
Okay! I get it.
Lesson learned.
Toddlers aren't easy! The irony is not lost on me! Little help here? This had better wear off before the next episode.
For who? You know Vivian's aunt's sister's landlord's son? Evan? His son.
Dexter? Yeah.
It's his birthday.
Why do they even have parties for two-year-olds? It's not like they're gonna remember anything.
Baby parties aren't for the babies, Candace.
They're for the moms.
The moms? So they can feel rewarded for all the hard work they do.
Toddlers are easy.
They eat, they poop, they sleep.
End of story.
You're a laugh riot, Candace.
Think you can handle watching Phineas and Ferb today? Piece of cake.
Have fun.
Hmm.
Time to be in charge.
So, what you're saying is that we should never cut the red wire first.
Okay, you two! I'm in charge and I'm gonna lay down some rules! Okay, shoot.
No leaving the yard, no amusement park rides, no robots, no rocket ships, Ferb, are you getting all of this? no time-shift, no remote control llamas, Cool.
no first edition issuing of commemorative coins, no asking where Perry is, no astrological planetary alignments.
.
Surprise! It's me! I've taken over the O.
W.
C.
A.
! Oh, no, he hasn't, Agent P.
Aw, spoilsport.
Doofenshmirtz claims to have given up evil.
He even signed this "I Give Up Evil" affidavit to apply for work at the Agency.
And normally, we could have rejected him because he's not an animal, but it turns out he was adopted by ocelots, making him, in the eyes of the law, an ocelot.
Sorry to do this to you, Agent P, but we're making Doofenshmirtz your responsibility during his probation period.
Show him the ropes, and, uh, don't let him out of your sight.
You're probably wondering why I suddenly decided to quit evil and become a good guy.
Well, you see, I'd just built an inator.
I called it the Babe-inator! No, it's not what you think.
Its purpose was to transform my brother, the Mayor, and all of his cronies into a bunch of crying babies.
That way I could take City Hall like babies taking candy away from whatever they take candy, uhâ That way I could take City Hall like babies taking candy away from whatever they take candy, uhâ Oh, you know what I mean.
Anyway, the Babe-inator was ready to go, so I took aim at my brother's office and pressed the button, but it didn't work! It didn't work for, like, the hundredth time! My evil plan did not work! And I thought to myself, "Maybe I'm just not good at being evil.
" That's when I had my epiphany.
From now on, I'm going to be a good guy! So, here I am! Wow, my own cubicle.
How nice! I'm gonna put a poster, right here, a kitten that says, "Hang in there".
No offense.
It's not like I think that's all you guys do, or anything.
Oh, great.
Now, he's going to Human Resources.
Oopsies! Better plug this in! and no invisible paint.
Oh, my gosh.
I don't know how you two turned yourselves into babies, but that is so bustable! Smile and say, "Hi, Mom!" Now, you two are so Where'd they go? Come back here! No, put the power drill down! Ugh! You stay rightâ Ferb! No, you get back here with my phone.
Hey, would you look at that! Newton the Gnu is Agent Silent G.
Whoo! I have to blog this.
Hmm.
Must be a coffee break.
Find the picture and send.
Oh.
They used to be so cute.
"Thanks for the old baby picture.
" Ugh.
Ooh, wait! I need something with today's date on it.
I could take a picture of them with one of those old-fashioned things.
It's like aâ A web page printed on paper A newspaper! Okay, stop and hold the paper.
Ferb, sweetie? Okay, just stand here and No! No, don't run away! Wait! Hold it! No, no, no, no.
Get back here.
How about if we just sit? Then hold the paper.
We don'tâ Weâ No, don't throw it.
Wait! Okay, just hold this.
Stay.
Phineas, no! No throwing.
We use ourâ Ew! Ow! Okay, hold this, Ferb.
Now, I'll justâ Where's my phone? Okay, fine! Okay, if pictures won't work, I'll just take you to Mom myself! I know we have an old stroller around here somewhere.
That's it, go right to sleep.
You'll be busted in just a little bit.
So then, the duck says, "Got any grapes?" Uh-oh, looks like, uh, coffee break is over.
Enter.
Agent P, we have a situation.
Is this about that grape joke? Who told on me? Was it the duck?! That's not why I called you in.
Get a look at this.
This is Newton the Gnu.
He was assigned to Dr.
Diminutive, but it seems some bonehead blew his cover on the blogosphere.
We still haven't found out who it was.
In the meantime, we'll need you to bring him in.
Get on it, Agent P, and, uh, take Doofenshmirtz with you.
A ride-along? Sweet! I can wear my new fedora! Get out of here! Carl, get in here! When you're done delivering the mail, I want you to wash and wax my car.
You know, a little wax on, wax off? It'll teach you karate! No, it won't.
I am loving this! We are like partners, now.
Likeâ Like Jack and Jill, or Alice and Wonderland! And with a super-cool vehicle! Be careful out there washing my car.
Be careful out there washing my car.
Don't scratch it.
Ooh, look at these buttons! Wh-What does this one do? Whoa! Oh, yeah, this is way cool! Doofenshmirtz! Wait till Mom sees you guys.
Shh! I didn't do anything! He's my brother.
Just a baby.
They cry, you know.
I know! Toys! I'll buy you some toys.
That's what makes babies stop crying! Oh, thank you.
I'll just be a second, okay? Don't go anywhere.
Stay! This apartment seems familiar.
Hey, would you mind if I kick down the door? Ugh, Doofenshmirtz? Awkward! Why are you wearing a fedora? I'm a good guy now! I believe you've met my partner? Perry the Platypus? Stay away from me! Fools! That was only my hologram! Don't worry.
I've got your back, partner.
Ha! I trapped you in a particle bubble from my new Photon 2000 Particle Bubble-erator! Oh, brother! Perhaps you'd like to join your friend, Newton the Gnu in his decidedly ordinary acrylic prison.
Can you believe it? I was having him over for a friendly dinner, when I read your blog telling me that Newton the Gnu is really Agent Silent G! I can't help it! I blog what I see! I've got some baby stuff! Oh, my gosh! Get back here! Suckers! Oh, my bike.
Oh, good, the cops are here! I can report this vandalism to theâ Put your hands up! Oh, that's right.
Phineas and Ferb, get back here! I can crawl around on the ground (Song: Here's Why It is Great to Be a Baby) I'm allowed to make obnoxious sounds I can be asleep both night or day I ain't got much hair to brush And there ain't no need for me to flush And that is why you'll always hear me say Man, it sure is great to be a baby You can sit all day and suck your thumb I can chew my brother's toes And play with the stuff inside my nose And the pans in the kitchen cupboard make great drums Get strolled, carried, burped and cuddled Wiped, powdered, diapered, swaddled Hugged, tickled, dried, tossed Ported, dressed, kissed, washed Swung, spoiled, peek-a-boo! Pampered, nibbled, coochee-coo! Snuggled, cuddled, rocked and fed Sung to, nursed and put to bed Okay, playtime's over.
We've got a party to get to.
As for your request, Heinz, I've decided to let you all go.
From 40 storeys up.
Just for the record, that's not exactly what I meant.
Yeah, I know.
What do you guys think? How am I doing so far? Hey, give it back! Uh-oh.
Oh, poop.
Hang on, boys! I'm gonna bounce us back to headquarters! Yee-haw! Sorry about your car, sir.
This is all I could find.
Oh, this is just not working out! Hey, Mom! I've found a couple of babies that you need to see! Babies? We'll take good care of them! Let me help! Uh, what are you guys doing here? We're helping Mom's aunt's sister's landlord son.
Hi, Candace.
Mom, I need to show you something.
It's humiliating! I'm stuck in this crummy, little cubicle while my office gets repaired! Anyway, Agent P, due to your quick thinking and decisive action, you were able to rescue Agent Silent G.
Doofenshmirtz, you're fired.
Is it because I blew up your car? No, it's because I have a list of complaints from Human Resources.
So, it was the duck! Let's face it.
You've done more harm inside the Agency than you ever did outside.
So, what you're saying is that I'm good at being evil after all! Norm, we're back in business! Dust off the inators! Later, chumps! I'll start with this one! Mom, these aren't babies that look like Phineas and Ferb.
This is Phineas and Ferb.
Okay! I get it.
Lesson learned.
Toddlers aren't easy! The irony is not lost on me! Little help here? This had better wear off before the next episode.