Agatha Raisin (2016) s04e01 Episode Script

1 Ding dong merrily on high In heaven, the bells are ringing Ding dong verily the sky Is rhythm with angels singing La, la, la, la, la, la I told you it was too big! How on earth are we gonna get it inside, so to speak? You can't have Christmas without a tree.
Blame Prince Albert! Oh, I blame him for more than that.
My post piercing swelling was off the scale.
I've got a photo of it here somewhere.
I really don't need that image in my head right now, Roy.
Christmas is supposed to be a magical time of the year, joyful.
The most wonderful time of the year and all that.
So yours never are.
Excuse me! Last year wasn't that bad.
Bad? It was awful.
I couldn't sit down for a week and not for the usual reasons.
Eggnog followed by salmonella.
Fine then! You do it! What? Organize Christmas! And it better be bloody perfect! I'm gonna need your help.
Is it a bit skew-wiff? Yeah, but then, so are we.
And we're about to get a whole lot skew-wiffier.
Last year, you got your head stuck up the turkey.
That wasn't your finest hour.
No, it was the worst stuffing myself or the turkey had ever had.
Should have booked that hotel.
No.
Roy, what have you done to my doorbell?! You did ask.
Yuletide greetings! Your tree's a bit wonky, Agatha.
Yes.
It's a style choice, apparently.
Where do we want these? The bins in the kitchen, next to the mulled wine.
Toni get tipsy.
Wong get wasted.
Hi! We had a spare one at the Church.
Great.
That will look perfect right next to the candles.
I'll not use the shepherds for kindling this year, then.
Hmm, I'd appreciate that.
Yo, ho, ho! - And a Merry Christmas! - Now we're talking.
You didn't get that in the village shop.
Not exactly.
It was left over at the Barfield Yuletide Fayre.
Half the back's missing.
Well, mice may have had a little bit of a gnaw, but, uh, no one will notice if you turn it around.
Should've known you wouldn't put your hand in your pocket.
Well, the important thing is that Charles has honored us with a gift, as the Magi did for the infant Jesus.
You're starting to sound proper holier than thou, Sarah.
Well, that's just as well because I'm now officially Stripper gram! Parish curate! Oh, Sarah! Congratulations! - Thank you.
- Thank God for that.
Anyone for a Dirty Vicar? Roy! Chill it, Wong.
It's a festive cocktail vodka, orange, and pomegranate juice.
Please don't start walking on eggshells for me.
Perfect! Well, I think we're done.
Your safety is my only concern, I assure you.
Always such a gentleman, Sir Charles.
Toni, can you get the lights please? - Silent night - Thank you.
Thank you.
- Holy night - Ahh.
All is calm "Silent Night" always reminds me of my first Christmas with Jez.
- I'll turn it off.
- No, no.
It's fine, please.
I'm completely over him.
Calling it a day has been the best thing for both of us.
Okay! This is going to be the best Christmas ever! Isn't it, Roy? Yes.
Sleep in heavenly peace Right, the butcher's five minutes away.
Giant candy canes on order.
The wicker reindeer arrive tomorrow.
What do you think about an angel ice sculpture as the centerpiece for the champagne fountain? You don't think that's going just a little over the top? I'm not cutting corners now, Aggie.
Item 4, Subsection B.
Festive feast! Turkey with all the trimmings.
Job done.
It's not that simple, Aggie.
You like roast potatoes.
Charles likes dauphinoise.
Sarah is insisting on bread sauce and loves sprouts, but they make you gag.
As long as we've got the ingredients for a Dirty Vicar, I don't really care.
- It'll be fine.
- Agreed.
But fine isn't perfect, Aggie.
Who's that from? A Phyllis Tamworthy of Lower Tapor Manor.
Ooh, she's looking for protection.
Aggie, no! You're supposed to be icing the Nutcracker biscuits.
You've still got 25 soldiers to go.
Well, there's no harm in just paying her a visit, is there? I'm not going to take the job.
Now, come on.
So we are all agreed? By the power of three So mote it be! - Merry Christmas one and all! - Yuletide greet We don't do Christmas here.
- We should leave.
- Yeah, we're we're a little lost, is all.
Like Mary and Joseph.
But we don't need a room at the inn.
Some assistance with directions would be lovely.
Where to? Lower Tapor Manor.
Any friend of the Tamworthys is no friend of ours! Bit much! And don't come back! No wonder he doesn't like Christmas.
Did you see his tattoo? It's a Pagan symbol used in magic and witchcraft.
How do you know? Well, I had a Pagan lover once.
I was quite partial to his pentacles.
Turn back! Before it's too late.
The Tamworthys are all vessels of evil.
Vessels of evil? Well, if you could just point us in the right direction? Straight down Warlock's Walk, turn left at the old hanging tree, but don't say I didn't warn you.
Oh, when did that man last have a bath? 1972 by the smell of him.
But what if he's right? What if we're walking into some sort of trap? She's probably just one of these aristocrats that treat villagers like peasants.
It takes one to know one.
I'm not sure about that angel.
Oh, come on, Roy.
Inside, it's all gonna be garlands of holly around the fireplace, real candles on the Christmas tree and chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
Alright, Ag? Phyllis Tamworthy.
But everyone calls me Phyll.
Let's be having ya! Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Gert lush, innit? I bloody love Christmas.
Yes, I can see.
Very festive.
Glass of sherry? Yes.
British, of course.
Uh, no, thank you.
Maybe later.
You said you needed some protection? I had an unwanted visitation from my husband.
You could always get a restraining order? Wouldn't do much good.
He's 6 feet under.
Came to me in a ghostly vision.
Chains clanking, breath like ice.
Thought I was going to cack me pants.
Cute.
Pardon? Uh, what did he say, exactly? He said I was going to hell unless I did something pretty smartish.
About what? I wasn't always honest with old Marley.
Buried things I didn't want him to know about.
I made a lot of enemies in my time.
We met some of them in the pub.
Those scumbags.
They deserve everything that's coming to them.
Uh, what do you mean? I own the whole village.
Cottages, pub, land.
And they've had their notices to quit.
Oh, so you intend to sell the entire estate? That was the plan.
But after the warning from old Marley, I'm gonna give it away.
Who to? A foundation for poor disabled kiddies who'll turn the house into a school, named after yours truly.
The Phyllis Tamworthy Academy.
They all think I'm bona fide angel.
But the villagers take a less charitable view, I expect? They'd rather see me dead.
And they're not the only ones.
Who else? My grasping, ungrateful kids.
They encouraged me to sell when they thought they was gonna get their share.
But they won't be too pleased now when they hear they're getting diddly squat.
And when are you telling them? Tonight.
They're coming for a pre-Christmas get-together.
That's where you come in.
I need someone to watch me back in case things get a bit lairy.
You don't seriously think you could be in danger from your own children? You haven't met 'em.
Tomorrow, I sign all the legal documents.
After that, there's sod all they can do about it.
And you're absolutely sure you want to go through with this? I'm not gonna burn my ass off in hell for anyone.
You promised me you wouldn't take it! It's a Christmas mystery in an English country manor! How could I possibly refuse? Because Christmas is only three days away! And you've put me in charge! Oh, stop stressing.
It's only one night.
You don't understand I've got to do the big shop.
Buy presents, wrap presents.
What was that? This place really puts the willies up me, and not in a good way.
Oh, come along.
We have bags to pack! I'm really not sure about this, Toni.
Agatha'll never know.
- She will if you crash it! - Oh! You need to check your mirrors.
Every 15 seconds.
Yes, I know! And you should be in third.
Mind the verge! Ever since the roof jammed, Marilyn hasn't been anywhere.
She needs a run.
But taking a vehicle without permission is a crime, Toni.
Why not just ask her? Because she'll say no.
But that makes me an accessory! Ah, the bottom line Bill is, I've got my test Christmas Eve, and I'm gonna fail if I don't get the practice.
About Christmas Yeah? Woah! Woah! Mum was rather hoping you'd join us for lunch? Oh, but I like to chill at Christmas, Bill.
Watch TV in my PJs, eat crap.
I only get dressed to go to the pub.
It is a rather more formal at my house.
Black tie, in fact.
Just for the three of you? Uh, mum takes it very seriously.
Lunch at 1:00, pudding at 2:00, queen's speech at 3:00.
Christ.
Do you get any pee breaks? Look, I know it's not really what you're used to, but I'd really love it if you could - That was very reckless! - Shhhh! You alright? Sure.
Yeah, I'll get on to it.
Alright, bye.
On to what? New job just in.
Agatha needs my help.
We're supposed to be spending quality time together.
And we will at Christmas, at your Mum and Dad's.
Seriously? You'll come? You've got to survive three more days of my driving first.
Toni! What do you mean, she's got friends staying? Mother doesn't have any friends.
I just saw them go upstairs with their cases a vulgar looking woman in lurid colors and inappropriate heels and her rather mincing companion.
More tea anyone? No, thank you, dear.
Fran! Glad to see you made an effort.
When did you get here? Yesterday.
I'm surprised Mother let you come a day early.
She didn't know, which is how I caught her off guard.
What do you mean? Well, the house was quiet when I arrived.
Thought she must still be in bed, so I went up to her room, and I found all the family jewelry dumped on her dressing table.
Why would she do that? Because she's selling the lot! I found e-mails to an auction house asking them to transfer the proceeds - to her preferred charity.
- Charity? The woman doesn't know the meaning of the word.
But that jewelry belongs to all of us.
I'm sure there must be some reasonable explanation.
I very much doubt it.
I've been doing some digging of my own.
I found this.
She's changing the terms of the sale of the estate.
It doesn't say how exactly, but she's done this behind our back for a reason.
But father left everything in her name.
- You don't think - That's exactly what I think.
Well, we have to stop her.
But how? By any means necessary.
Please don't make me stay.
The bed's got nylon sheets! I'll start crackling and be on fire by 2:00 a.
m.
! Ag! We're in here! This is Agatha Raisin and her son, Roy.
Hi.
Mum.
Roy Roy is just a friend.
Oh, Toy Boy, is it? I had him down as a woolly woofter.
That's a shame.
This is Fran, my eldest.
And least attractive.
And that pimped up poodle is Sadie.
She thinks I'm beneath her 'cause she married a knob.
No, I married into the nobility, Mother.
Sir Henry is also a massive knob.
- I quite like a massive - No.
It's all the inbreeding.
And last, and most definitely least, we have little Jeffrey.
Should've been a girl.
Namby bloody pamby! Won't eat meat, drink booze.
Chews leaves instead of having proper medicine.
That's why he's such a sickly weed.
It's called homeopathy, Mother, and I'm perfectly well.
I got your cardie from the car, Jeff.
Don't want to get your cold any worse.
And this is his dull as ditch water wife, Alison.
Right, who's up for a Christmas tipple? Mother, please! No one's drunk British Cream Sherry since 1973.
I always bring my own.
Smells like cat piss.
But each to their own.
- Cheesy football? - Oh, yes, cheers.
I wouldn't.
They're ancient.
How do you two know each other? - Well, we met years - We met at bingo.
- Didn't we, Ag? - Yes.
Yeah.
Got on like a house on fire.
Peas in a pod.
Could be sisters.
Identical twin sisters.
Dinner is served.
Never mind the staff.
Let's go and stuff our faces.
And then I've got an exciting Christmas surprise! I just need to, uh, freshen up.
Oh, bog's through there, Ag.
Apologies if Jeffrey got there first.
- Keep her talking.
- What Just charm her.
We need to get Mrs.
Boggle on message.
She could be very useful undercover.
- Go on.
- Yeah.
Beautiful home, Phyll.
Oh, cheers, Roy.
I have literally never seen anything like it.
You nancy boys always appreciate a classy interior.
- I'll give you that.
- I'll take it.
Shall we go through? Allow me to be your third leg.
Me belly thinks me throat's been cut.
She's loving every minute of this.
What are we gonna do? Nothing yet.
Put your cardie on, Jeff.
Keep warm.
I wanted you to have these for Christmas.
Oh, Jeff, they're beautiful, but I can't - Father would've wanted you to have something.
Everyone's waiting.
Oh, right.
Okay.
Here we go.
What on earth are you doing here? Stopping me from murdering the lot of them! I give Doris a hand from time to time.
Mr.
Boggle wants leather trousers for Christmas and they do not come cheap.
Are you here in an official capacity? Yes, I am.
But the family must not know.
I need you, Mrs.
B, to have eyes and ears everywhere.
Secret Squirrel.
Say no more.
Shall I, um, bring the salads through from the pantry? No.
The old bat likes them after.
Don't often see you in here, Madam.
There was no salad cream on the table, Doris.
Mother would have had a fit.
Are you lost, Mrs.
Raisin? This house can be a bit of a labyrinth.
Why is Santa's sack always bulging? Because he only comes once a year! Oh, Phyll, I used to think Santa wasn't real until he let me feel his presents.
Pardon? How on earth did you get these vile crackers, Mother? Oh, take that big rod out your ass.
We're supposed to be enjoying ourselves! That might come in handy, eh, Ag? She was a goer at the Bingo back in the day.
I thought the doctor told you to cut it down.
My ticker's not giving out on me any time soon.
I'm sorry to disappoint you all.
Sorry I'm late.
I got caught short.
Again? Never off the bloody bog.
He has a nervous stomach.
I'm not surprised.
Now for the speciality de la maison.
Salad a la Phyll.
Oh, flashbacks.
Enjoy! And I thought my family were dysfunctional.
I'll kill her myself if we stay much longer.
Agent Boggle reporting.
They are gathering for a Christmas surprise.
Over and out.
Promise me we'll be done with this tonight.
Listen.
It's those jingle bells again.
Oh, that'll be Rudolph doing a recce.
Now come on.
We don't want to miss the drama! Well isn't this cozy.
Just get on with it, Mother.
Uh, if you wouldn't mind Stay where you are! Christmas is a time for reflection, for thinking of others less fortunate than ourselves.
So like Ebenezer Scrooge himself, I'm turning over a new leaf.
I'm gonna become the generous, selfless person you've always wanted me to be.
Maybe you got it wrong? No, she hasn't finished yet.
Generous? To whom? I've decided to donate the entire proceeds of the sale of the estate to a charitable foundation! I don't understand.
Oh, poor little Jeffrey.
Always was thick as a brick.
None of you are getting a single penny.
You're on your own.
We always were on our own, you evil, vindictive woman.
That money is rightfully ours.
Father promised we'd be looked after.
This is just another one of your cruel games.
Even you Oh, she doesn't care about any of us, Jeffrey.
- She never has! - And why should I? Because that's what mothers are supposed to do.
I never wanted you.
Any of you.
I never want any of you anywhere near me ever again.
Understand! Happy bloody Christmas! What These people are all completely insane.
If we leave now, I can start marinating my ham, if you'll pardon the expression.
- Shhh.
- Mother! Get down! Mother! Open the door! Can we just talk about this? - Please.
- What's she doing? She's locked herself in.
Why don't you try talking to her, Jeffrey? No, thanks.
I've had enough abuse for one night.
I'm going to bed.
Best let her sleep it off.
Did you bring my toothbrush? - Yes.
- The blue one? Yes.
Good, because the other one gives me pain.
Mrs.
Raisin? Yes? I'm so sorry about this.
It must be awful for you to witness dear Mother in such a dreadful state.
Well As you are such a close friend.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Put your jim-jams on.
Come to bed.
I can't just put my jim-jams on and come to bed! I can't relax! I think she's on to me.
That woman, Sadie.
So? Phyll's safely tucked up in bed.
Is she, though? I mean, do we know that for sure? We're supposed to be watching her back.
And what are you gonna do? Break the door down? No, Aggie.
Aggie.
You've got to be kidding! Come on, Roy?! Get a move on! I can't do this.
Well, don't look down! We were supposed to be watching "Love Actually," followed by a mini minced pie for And now I'm going to die! Come on, help me open this window, please! I can't move it! It's stuck! Phyllis? Phyll? It's Agatha.
We've just come to check that you're okay.
She looks like you after a night on the Negronis.
Excuse me That's very hurtful.
Take that back! I would never go to my bed with shoes on.
Well, go on.
Check her pulse! I'm not touching that.
It's definitely dead.
What's that in her hand? Whyis it in her hand? What's going on in there? Nobody touch anything.
I think your mother has been murdered.
Mrs.
Raisin jumped the gun, Detective Wong.
My mother has a history of heart disease.
Well, I assumed foul play for very good reason.
I am not your mother's bingo chum.
I am a private detective.
She's got a badge and everything.
Yes, she hired me because she thought that her life was in danger.
- In danger from who? - Anyone.
Everyone with a vested interest in preventing the sale of this estate.
As if we'd kill our own mother! She had a heart attack, pure and simple.
The doctor confirmed it.
Well, that will now be a matter for the pathologist to decide.
Get in! 8-0 to me.
You better get one soon or you'll be off your face - before breakfast.
- I am.
I was right! Bill said that Phyll's death was not caused by heart failure.
She was poisoned.
Well, she had enough bile to poison herself.
- Let's face it.
- Listen.
I was employed to protect her and she died.
So the least I can do is try and find out the truth.
Aggie, Christmas is three days away! I've got a to-do list as long as my ass and no magical elves! My elf guy let me down.
Well, I'm terribly sorry, but Christmas is canceled until this case is solved! The family hate you.
How can you investigate their mother's murder without consent? I need to speak to Agatha.
Alone.
I looked online, and it seems you're known for solving unusual cases like ours.
I am.
But why not just leave it to the police? If the murderer isn't found, we'll always be the family who killed their mother.
Jeffrey's a fragile character, Agatha.
He deserves the chance to reinvent himself.
Well, I can't do anything without everyone's consent.
Sadie and Fran want everything settled quickly.
The sale would be tainted by an unsolved murder so they agreed we should get you involved.
Okay, but if the family are beyond suspicion, where do you suggest I start? The Crazy Fox.
Paul Chambers knows everything that goes on in this village.
Ask him why he wanted Phyllis Tamworthy dead.
It worked, my Lord.
Blessed be.
Is it a shilling or a sixpence in a Christmas pud? I don't know.
It depends how tight you are.
Well, I choked on one as a child, and my gag reflex has improved but even so, I think I might take Oh! Mrs.
Raisin! Mr.
Boggle thinks I might be in the frame for murder! Well, it's always the quiet ones, Boggle.
Well, you might have to answer a few questions but I don't think you're a prime suspect.
Actually, you might be able to help us.
Any idea what this is? Oh, yeah.
Oh! I'd recognize that vile rotten mousey smell anywhere.
- I thought it was Roy.
- Rude! And it's even more repellent when it's crushed.
What is it? Conium macu-macla, also known as poison parsley or hemlock.
Hemlock? Hemlock! Oh, touching it won't hurt you.
But if it gets inside you It would chafe.
Now, hemlock leaves are often mistaken for parsley and the root for parsnip.
Mrs.
B, you're a genius! - Down, Boggle! - Oh! You're supposed to avoid obstacles, - not aim for them! - Oh, sorry, Charlie.
I reckon this make up's making me see funny.
Both hands on the wheel at all times! Alright! What on earth's that? It's not permanent.
Paul Chambers has one.
I thought it'd be a way of worming my way in.
What a cunning little minx you are, Toni.
Just wish I was as good at driving.
Same! A strong dose of hemlock can cause symptoms similar to inebriation, loss of balance, slurring, paralysis of vocal chords and limbs.
Which is why she couldn't shout for help.
But if she was paralyzed, how could she lock the door? And if she did lock it, where was the key? See what you can find out.
- Bill! - Agatha? I thought you'd been fired.
Oh, it seems I'm hired again.
Shall we? Magpie! I need a stiff drink after that.
You can't come in.
It's bloody freezing! Well I need to get my flirt on.
And I can't do that with you playing gooseberry.
How do I look? Like a rather sinister wood nymph.
I'll take that.
Right.
Wish me luck! If you're another journalist digging for dirt Do I look like one? I just came in for a quiet drink.
Really? The day after a murder when we've never seen you before? Elsie I'll serve this customer.
I'd heard this was a, uh a friendly pub.
Indeed it is.
Taking my break.
Is that why there are police everywhere then, this, uh, murder? You won't see any tears shed in here.
The woman was a monster.
So, she wasn't a friend? Far from it.
If you let me buy you a drink, I'll tell you why.
Is that 100%? Okay, thank you.
Phyllis was poisoned with hemlock leaves found in her salad.
The pathologist just confirmed it.
So Mrs.
B was right.
Where is Wilkes, by the way? Volunteered for the police charity trip to Lapland.
It's his lifelong ambition to meet Father Christmas.
- He does know that he's not - I don't think he does, Agatha.
And I wasn't going to be the one to tell him.
So, this is your first solo murder case without Denzel breathing down your neck.
Yeah, and if I screw it up, he'll never let me forget it.
- Well, that's not gonna happen.
- Well, how do you know that? Because we are going to solve it.
Together.
Come on.
We just have to keep our nerve, Henry.
Take out another loan until the money comes through.
At least we won't go under now.
And best of all we're free of her.
The children all left the table at some point, so any one of them could've added the hemlock at any point, unseen.
As could the kitchen staff or anyone from the village.
That door leads directly onto the back lawn and is kept unlocked until the family go to bed.
So we're no further on.
Oh, Roy's found something.
Roy?! Roy? No key, but I did find this.
Fran's flat is about to be repossessed.
So she needs money fast.
Just like her sister.
I heard Sadie on the phone to Sir Henry.
It sounds like they're in massive debt.
Well, that gives them both motive, but we need more than that.
My super wants me back for a progress report.
Right, well we'll do a little more digging here.
Well, you better find something.
He wants this all wrapped up by the 25th! Christmas is a time of miracles, DS Wong.
You just have to believe! Phyll Bucket was born in this village.
One of our own.
But she was still prepared to kick us off our sacred land, make us homeless.
We tried to make a deal, but she refused point blank.
Out of pure spite! Really? What did you do? Prayed to the Universe.
And our prayers were answered.
So what now? Tomorrow eve is the Festival of Saturnalia.
And I'd very much like you to be there.
We're all terribly upset.
Obviously, we we had our issues, but she was still our mother.
I'm not sure Mrs.
Raisin's gonna buy your crocodile tears after last night.
Oh, one has to grieve, Fran.
It's expected.
You said last night that your your father wanted you all to be looked after.
What happened to him? Oh, he died of a broken heart.
Quite literally.
Father was a good man.
Stupidly loyal.
He knew Mother didn't love him, but he was devoted to us.
After he'd passed, she didn't have to pretend anymore.
She packed us all off to various boarding schools the day after the funeral.
Jeffrey was only 7.
Got horribly bullied.
Never really recovered.
Fran and I left home as soon as we could.
I think Jeffrey wanted to leave.
So why didn't he? Mother said he was brain dead like his father.
Forced him to run the village shop.
Poor Jeffrey.
He's the one that's been damaged the most by all of this.
Hm, damaged enough to kill his mother? Hmm, maybe.
But why now? Well, Sadie and Fran both need the money.
Maybe Jeffrey does, too.
Well, he's not wasting any time, is he? Excuse me.
It must've been tough for you given how extremely unpopular your family are.
I think it gave her some kind of perverse thrill, me dealing with the abuse, day in, day out.
Don't know how you stuck it.
Well, she's still my mother.
I always tried to understand why she was well, how she was.
I always hoped she might change.
I never hated her.
Do you know anyone who did? Enough to poison her, perhaps? Doris, maybe? Mother went out of her way to make her life a misery.
They had a huge row.
I don't know what it was about, but it was unlike Doris to react the way she did.
Anyway, um, you'll have to excuse me.
I've gotta continue packing up.
They've gone to the solicitors to count their gold so we won't be disturbed.
You really don't like them very much at all, do you? I know how staff should be treated.
I worked for the Riptor family for years.
Oh, they were well loved, respected.
Everyone was very sad to see them go.
So why did they? Phyll wanted Lower Tapor more than anything.
Made them an offer they couldn't refuse.
Because she knew by owning the village, she would own everybody in it.
Exactly! She had power over us all.
People were terrified of her.
But not you.
What do you mean? Jeffrey said you had a fight with her just hours before she died.
I'd made a beef pie for Christmas.
Thought the family deserved something better than her usual processed junk.
But she went nuts.
Threw it straight in the bin and let rip.
Who did I think I was? So, I told her.
A better person than she'd ever be.
Told her she was going straight to hell.
And she didn't like that.
Because she's not burning her ass off there for anyone.
What killed her exactly? Hemlock leaves in her salad.
Nothing to do with me! Phyll wouldn't let anyone near her precious salads.
Did she always use the same bowl for these salads? Oh, the red spotty one.
Where did the salad come from? The gardener grows it all.
Scary old man with the rancid body odor? His name's Fred Instick.
He lives in the Manor Gatehouse.
Let's see what this Fred has to say for himself.
Not now! It's the auditions for the Carol Concert What?! Are we still doing that? Yes! But we're getting so close.
Later.
We promised Sarah.
I am not missing Bloxby's biblical bash.
This is for Sarah? And God.
And the spirit of Christmas.
Amen! Glory to the new born king Sorry we're late.
Oh, take a pew.
I'll be right with you.
Let's try the last verse.
Go from "mild he lays his glory by" with Mrs.
Boggle doing the descant.
Hark! The herald angels sing Glory to the newborn king - King - King! - King - King! Very powerful, Mrs Boggle.
Um, a choir is about a blend of voices.
No one should really stand out.
May I suggest that I do the descant? I am virtually a professional.
According to whom? I won Miss Malmesbury Golden Tones in 1956.
My treble was renowned throughout the county.
As is my velvety bass.
You leave your velvety bass out of this, Sir Charles! No smutty talk in front of baby Jesus! Thank you both very much.
Um, I'll make my decision when I've heard everyone sing.
- Anyone for a mince pie? - Oh, yes.
Aww, me please! Two.
Paul Chambers totally thinks I'm a bona fide Pagan.
Well, I should hope he does.
She kept me waiting ages, Aggie! Well, it was worth it.
He invited me back tomorrow.
Hm, what for? - The Festival of Satin-narlia.
- Saturnalia.
It was started by the Romans to celebrate "the rise of the invincible sun, not some daft virgin birth.
" Hiswords not mine, Vicar.
- No offense.
- None taken.
They're gonna make an offering to the gods to give thanks.
Thanks for what? Phyllis Tamworthy's death.
He's worried the police will be after them now.
Like he knows they'll be connected to the poisoning somehow.
Well, Hemlock is often used in Pagan ceremonies.
How do you know? I did a thesis on Paganism at college.
- Dark horse.
- Nerd.
That might come in quite handy though.
Mulled wine anyone? Uh, is that altar wine, Mrs Boggle? What? It's Christmas, Vicar.
Oh, it must be a fuse.
Everybody outside.
Come on.
More tea, Vicar? It wasn't a fuse, Vicar.
The power was deliberately cut.
Well, this is all getting rather nasty.
I do hope it can be resolved before Christmas.
Stuff Christmas! What about the murderer? We need to catch them before they do it again! Uh, why don't I pay the gardener a visit, quiz him about the hemlock? Are you sure that's wise, Vicar? He doesn't half pong.
And he's got a vicious temper.
I'll make sure I keep my distance.
Take Roy as a bodyguard! - Where is Roy? - Where is Roy? Where is I will tell you where Roy is! Roy is upstairs, feeding his Christmas pudding, panicking about Christmas paperchains! Roy! I warned you and your lady friend not to get involved.
So, you knew there was gonna be trouble? Didn't say that, did I? Doris said you grew the salad served the night she died.
- So? - Is there any way you could have confused hemlock with parsley? Hemlock doesn't grow at this time of year.
Any fool knows that.
Was it your job to take the salad to the kitchen? No, the old witch came, took what she wanted.
I always kept my distance.
Do you have any idea who might've killed her? Well I reckon I might have done it myself.
Wanted to many times.
And I had a few pints of Scrumpie last night.
So, maybe it was me.
I certainly felt like putting this through her heart more than once! Fred why are you so angry? That woman treated me worse than dirt on her shoe.
But I never know how truly wicked she was till last week.
I told her I wanted to retire.
Take my pension.
I was always paid in cash.
And the odd bottle of sherry at Christmas.
Well, she said it was all on record.
But it wasn't.
She never paid my stamps like she promised.
And she was selling my home to boot.
I am so sorry.
That's awful.
I really think we should go and get some fresher air.
She said it was my fault for trusting her, that I'd have to work until I kicked the bucket.
I felt like docking someone's head off! Ah, I think we've got what we need.
Yes.
Thanks for your time, Fred.
It doesn't feel right.
It feels like we're dancing on her grave.
Well, that's exactly what we are doing.
Cheers! Don't tell me you're not secretly relieved.
You need your share of the money just as much as we do.
Just leave it in the kitchen, Fred.
That'll be all.
No.
That won't be all, you patronizing cow.
I'm owed my annual bonus.
50 quid, plus my Christmas bottle.
You don't fool anyone.
You know that? Thinking you're better than the rest of us.
Well, we all know who you are.
Tamworthy scum.
Always were and always will be.
Do something, Jeffrey! Well, now look here.
I am! I'm looking at you boy! All of you.
And I know the truth.
Didn't know that, did you? And there's no way I'm taking the blame of your evil-doings.
So enjoy your fancy French champagne.
There won't be any of that where you're going! Smelly Fred's definitely got motive.
He worked there his whole life, and Phyll was gonna leave him with nothing.
I noticed something odd.
Fresh hemlock.
And he said hemlock doesn't grow at this time of year.
Oh, he's definitely hiding something.
Right.
- Well, we need to go back.
- Uh, without me I'm afraid.
I've still got my Christmas sermon to write.
Before you go, you don't happen to know anything about an old, ruined Abbey on the Lower Tapor Estate, do you? No.
Why? On the night of the murder, you said you heard bells? Yes, I did.
Well, according to this map, it appeared that the sound of the bells was coming from the old Abbey itself.
You think it was the Pagans? Oh, highly unlikely.
They worship in natural surroundings.
So, hills, caves, woods.
Well, I'll see what I can find out.
- You do that.
- Good luck.
Right, well, if we go now, we still have time for you to get back to continue with your paperchains! I'm not sure about this, Aggie.
Fred could be our killer.
Well, in that case, we need to be ready, and we need to be armed.
Fred? Mr.
Instick? Let's try around the back.
Here, hold this.
Well, give us a hand! It wasn't locked.
The salad bowl was in the pantry.
Any one of them could've planted the hemlock because they all left the meal at some point.
Sadie, to fetch the salad cream, Fran to fetch the sherry, and Jeffrey to pick up the salad plates via the toilet.
Well, I hope he washed his hands.
Don't mind me.
Just brought you some sample can-apes.
Right.
And then we have Alison who went all the way to the car to fetch his cardie.
Then Phyll made her big speech.
She started slurring, so she went to bed.
Meanwhile, Roy and myself Risked life and limb.
just to see that she was okay.
Why am I the donkey? Well, it's hardly representational.
I mean, if Agatha's the Virgin Mary.
I want to be Joseph.
- Okay, Joseph! - Thank you! So, we have Phyll in bed, dead, fully clothed, with the door locked but no key.
So the door must've been locked from the outside by our murderer.
- Charles.
- Hmm.
Can you please stop eating the Manor House? Sorry.
I didn't have any breakfast.
My ho-ho-hot dogs should sort you out.
Oh, how perfectly ingenious, Mrs.
B.
Then we've got the angry Pagan villagers.
And their ringleader, Paul Chambers all determined to hold on to their homes and, more importantly, their sacred land.
Were they prepared to kill rather than give it up? There have been historical complaints about Lower Tapor being a site of witchcraft.
They could be connected? Maybe that's where they're going tonight? And I'm going with them.
- Oh, no.
- No.
It should be me.
Paul Chambers knows you.
Oh, I can handle an idiot like him.
- Hey! - Hello, Bill.
The pathologist's report's back on Fred Instick.
Liquid hemlock was found in the remains of the sherry.
Wasn't Phyllis the only one who drank it? So whoever poisoned the sherry meant it for her.
Ah, not necessarily.
Fred always received a bottle of sherry at Christmas.
Well, I overhead him tell the family he knew the truth.
So he believed one or all of them were guilty? So either he was silenced or his death was a tragic mistake.
Who fancies tasting Santa's balls? Yes, please! Uniform didn't find anything of interest.
Ah, well, that's because uniform didn't know what they were looking for.
Hemlock Farm? I had no idea.
There have been rumors that this estate has been used for witchcraft.
All utter nonsense! The only witch around here was Phyll Tamworthy.
Now, if you don't mind, I've got things to do.
I feel sorry for Fred.
I really do.
But that's what happens to nosey parkers.
Oh, you think he was murdered because he knew something? I wouldn't meddle any further, Mrs.
Raisin, or you could be next.
We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas And a happy new year Sorry I couldn't get here earlier.
Did you find anything for Mum? What do you reckon? - Perfect! - I got one for Agatha too.
Just a little thank you for all the time off for driving lessons.
I'm so going to fail, though.
If you fail, you can do it again.
It's doing my head in, Bill, and then there's Christmas with your folks.
Mum's really happy you're coming.
But what am I going to wear? I'll have to borrow something off my nan.
And then what am I gonna do with my hair? Up do, down do? You're about to infiltrate a Pagan coven, and you're worrying about your hair? God, talking of which, nearly time to get on my broomstick.
Are you absolutely sure you want to go through with this? I want to help you solve this case, whatever it takes.
It's about time they knew how brilliant you are.
Aha! What do you think of my eyes? Too much? Can you even walk in those trousers? To be honest, I am a little worried about my circulation.
Ah, mulled wine.
Thank you.
Chin-chin.
Where on earth did you find this? The Vicarage Library.
It is a treasure trove of local history.
So this area, The Hallowed Hollow, is an ancient site of Pagan worship.
Until the Church built an Abbey over it.
What do they worship exactly? The divinity of nature, more specifically the elements, earth, air, fire, and water.
My ex was definitely into the witchcraft side of things.
Casting spells, potions, lotions, big wand magic.
Well, magic is where it gets darker using black magic to have power over others.
That was good! What do you reckon, Charlie? Do you think I might pass? Not unless one of them has cast a spell on the examiner.
Right.
Wait, Paul wants me to go alone, so stay well back.
Oh, and wear the earpiece.
Only intervene if things get lairy.
How will I know? We need a code word.
Brandy butter.
Brandy butter.
Brandy butter.
Brandy butter.
Shh! Brandy butter.
Alright? Welcome.
Elsie prepare our sacrifice.
Ding dong, Saturnalia! Ding dong, Saturnalia! Wrapping, done.
Paperchains, done.
Handmade crackers, done.
We still need to pick up the turkey and make the pigs in blankets.
Are you even listening? Yeah, I'm I'm reading up on Saturnalia.
What about Christmas? It's two days away! It says here that the holiday was celebrated with a sacrifice at the Temple of Saturn.
Sacrifice? Toni said they mentioned an offering.
And that the sacrifice was made in gratitude for a wish granted.
Phyll's death.
What if Toni's the sacrifice? Ding dong, Saturnalia! Ding dong, Saturnalia! Ding dong, Saturnalia! We cast this circle to create a sacred space in which to summon the elements.
Lord of Air! Lord of Air! Lord of Earth.
Lord of Earth! Lord of Water.
Lord of Water! Lord of Fire.
Lord of Fire! Blessed be! Blessed be! We gather here to celebrate the return of the light, its truth eclipsed by the lie that is Christmas.
And in gratitude for granting us our dearest wish, we make an offering of our own.
Let the Festivities begin! - Blessed be! - Join us! Join us! I anoint you with water and salt as an act of consecration.
You're a fake! Brandy butter! I always knew you was a fake, as soon as I saw ya! Brandy butter! Brandy bloody butter! Paul? Paul! Paul? Paul! Paul? Charles said that Paul Chambers looked like he was expecting someone.
Who? Well, the pathologist confirmed he was struck before he fell.
So it was definitely no accident.
Right, I've got a meeting with forensics, but I'll let you know if I hear anything else.
Okay.
Bye.
Hello, Bill.
Should I ask? - No.
- Okay.
Mate of Mr B's bagged it last night.
I'm going to make pheasant giblet paste for my Star of Wonder vol au vents.
Okay.
I really think we should be looking at the Tamworthys.
But they They They employed us to solve the case.
But it could be a double bluff? I mean, who was Phyllis Tamworthy? Why was she so vile to her children? I mean, did something happen to her in her past? Oh, it was a terrible scandal when she married Marley Tamworthy.
I mean, he he was engaged to somebody else when he won the lottery.
What? Ooh.
Look at this.
Is Is this her? Not sure.
I never met her.
Oh, now that's Doris Crampton.
Oh, hello love.
Phyll was always out for what she could get.
Attracted men like moths to a flame.
She hasn't aged well then.
Oh, don't get me wrong she was never a looker.
Just had that sex thing going on.
Delete image.
Tell us about Marley.
Oh, he was dead ordinary.
A bin man.
Phyll never gave him a second glance till he won all that money.
Boggle said he was engaged? Hm, to Carrie Shufflebottom.
We were neighbors at the time.
A big, plain, kind hearted girl.
Didn't stand a chance once Phyll got to work on him.
It didn't exactly sound like happily ever after, though.
Oh, far from it.
Two years later, Marley tried to get back with Carrie.
She'd had a kiddie by then, but that didn't bother him.
Phyll said she never wanted any and that made him miserable.
So what made him stay? She lied she was pregnant.
What happened to Carrie? She'd always been such a home bird.
Rarely left the village, but that humiliation was too much for her.
She walked out one day and didn't come back.
Her daughter still lives in the same cottage.
So your mother just disappeared, and you never heard from her again? It's what men do all the time.
Agreed.
Did no one question Phyllis Tamworthy? Police told my Nan there was no evidence against her.
It's divine justice someone finally had the nerve to bump her off.
I've lost everything 'cause of her.
Well, we are trying to find out what happened to your mum and to Paul.
But if it's too painful It's more painful not knowing.
The real tragedy was that Mum and Marley properly loved each other.
Phyll was only after his money.
That's Mum's engagement photo.
Nan said she still wore her engagement ring even after he ended it.
Excuse me.
- Poor Carrie.
- Mm-hmm.
Poor Carrie, indeed.
Phyll lived the life that she should've had.
They're from the Coven.
Paul was a good man, despite what people might say.
You have to find out who did this, Agatha.
I will do my best.
I promise you.
For all her wickedness, Phyll still had some sort of conscience.
About what? She came around a few days before she died.
Said she'd been thinking about Mum recently, how hard life must've been without her and that I deserved some luck.
What did she mean? Well, she offered to exclude my cottage from the sale as long as the grounds remained untouched.
Mum loved her garden and Phyll thought it should be preserved to honor her memory.
She's going to lay them where he died.
That's so sad, Aggie.
Which is why we have to find out who is behind all of this.
Yes, but how? The first thing Phyll did after her visitation from Marley was to come here.
Why? Well, Scrooge learns he'll be trapped in chains for all eternity unless he puts things right.
What did Phyll do to Carrie? Phyll said that she had buried things in the past, thingsthat had come back to haunt her.
Buried.
You don't think That's why she wanted to leave the grounds untouched, Roy! Carrie's still here, Roy! I'm not digging up the whole bloody garden on one of your hunches.
She doesn't have to be under the lawn, Roy.
She could be down a well or in an old shed or an outside loo.
This is gonna do my back in for Christmas.
I won't be able to get the turkey out of the oven.
Oh, get on with it! What is it? Is it bone? It's probably a fox or a badger or a vole or something.
A fox or a badger or a vole or something with a penchant for emeralds! Most excellent news.
Wilkes has been delayed by a blizzard, so we still have just about enough time to solve this case before he gets back.
I've got more important things to think about, like will this beast even fit in the oven? Is that Carrie? She looks like my aunt? Right.
That's the champagne on ice.
Just the liqueurs to pick up now.
Mr.
Boggle cut these sprouts from the allotment.
Thanks, Boggle.
There's a container here marked compost.
Just shove them in there.
What do you think of the personalized stockings, Agatha.
Yeah, lovely.
Well, I'm definitely the best looking.
Agatha I got you this.
Listen, I've told you all before that Christmas is canceled until we've solved this case! I've a promise to keep! Well, according to Doris, the Tamworthys are planning to leave after the carol service.
I don't believe the Tamworthys know that their mother was a murderer.
We need to keep it like that until the carol service.
See how they react.
How do we do that? Oh, I have a plan.
Tidy yourself up, Roy.
Turkey juice now.
Come along, Mrs.
Boggle.
My driving instructor's outside.
It's my test today.
Oh, Charles, I'm absolutely bricking it.
No need.
My new Pagan friends gave me this.
I brought them back to Barfield last night.
Gustav was not a happy bunny.
What is it? It's an amulet charm for good luck.
Never fails apparently.
It certainly worked for me.
You're a bloody legend, Charlie Fraith! How sweet.
Right.
- I need to go.
- Knock 'em dead! I mean, not literally.
Sorry.
What are you doing? Maybe it will snow this Christmas.
It's cold enough.
I remember once when I was a little girl, it snowed on Christmas Eve just like it's supposed to.
I went to bed, and I woke up on Christmas morning and the whole world was white.
It was magical.
I need something to bring a little magic back into my life.
What if they don't come? They will.
Oh, it's your friend! Hello! Game on.
A very warm Christmas welcome to Carols by Candlelight and my first official service as Parish curate.
Our first carol will be number four on your sheets, "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.
" And the first verse and final descant will be sung by Charlie Johnson! Oh, thank God.
Hark! the herald angels sing Glory to the newborn King Peace on earth And mercy mild God and sinners reconciled Joyful, all ye nations, rise Join the triumph of the skies With th' angelic host proclaim Christ is born in Bethlehem Hark, the herald angels sing Glory to the newborn King Here we go.
No sign of any of them.
They all ran off.
So we're none the wiser.
No, Jeffrey ran off, and the others followed, which makes him our prime suspect.
Nothing.
But Alison Tamworthy's earrings, I recognized them.
They're the same ones Carrie was wearing in that photo.
Maybe they're all in it together? Let's head them off at the manor.
Stay with Sarah.
Lady Field.
Are you leaving? We've been branded a family of murderers without a single shred of evidence.
Thank God I never have to come back to this vicious, small-minded community.
Where's Jeffrey? At the shop, I'd imagine.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
Shop? Hello? Jeffrey? Hello! Ooh? Oh! Oh, look.
What have we here? What is that appalling smell? I recognize that bottle.
Yes, of course you do.
Alison had it at the carol service.
No, before that.
Where? I'm trying to think.
Well, think faster! Hemlock! Even more repellent when crushed.
What's going on? Where's Jeffrey? Is this your bottle, Alison? What do you mean? We saw you.
You offered it to your husband in the church.
Yeah, for his cough.
If he died, you'd get his share of the inheritance.
What? I don't understand.
Oh, well, let me explain to you.
You see, the syrup in this bottle has been poisoned with hemlock.
And what we want to know is where did you get it? - I took it.
- Took it from where? - Fran's room.
- That's it! I remember now.
- Mr.
Tamworthy! - Jeffrey! Mr.
Tamworthy! Can you hear me? Roy! Call an ambulance! I don't understand.
Why would anyone want to hurt Jeffrey? Go with her to the hospital.
Uniform'll take over from there.
Oh, uniform! Alison, your earrings Where did you get them? From Jeffrey.
Phyll was selling the family jewelry, and he was furious about it.
So, he took them.
Right, Bill, we need to go and find Fran now! Agatha, I've got officers looking for her.
There's nothing more we can do.
La la la Tis the season to be jolly Fa la-la-la-la I mean, we should be out there, searching.
We've done all we can.
She can't have got far.
Aah! That'll be the carol singers.
Well, get rid of them.
I think I'm going to scream! Bill, I'm so sorry.
I really I I shouldn't have You shouldn't leave your door open Agatha.
Anything could happen.
You poisoned your mother.
You locked her in her room, and you left her die.
Poisoned her? How? I'm curious.
Well, let me enlighten you.
You mixed liquid hemlock into her sherry.
You placed fresh hemlock leaves in her salad, and then you placed hemlock root in her hands to implicate the Pagans.
You should write thrillers, Agatha.
Should I? Bill! Shut up! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Aaah! There'd always been rumors about Mother being involved in Carrie's disappearance.
When I saw the earrings, I finally knew the truth.
That your mother had killed Carrie.
How did you know the earrings belonged to Carrie? I recognized them.
Elsie and I used to play together at the cottage.
Her mum's photo was on the mantelpiece.
I used to wonder what it would be like to have a mother like that.
So you hatched your plan, poisoned her sherry, knowing that no one else was going to touch it.
You poisoned one bottle in the rack so her death would be random.
Like a game of Russian roulette.
By which time, you would be far, far away.
- Way beyond suspicion.
- But when you learned the new will was about to be signed, you had to speed things up.
So you added fresh hemlock to her salad in her special spotted bowl.
I wanted her to die! Painfully! And Fred Instick? No, he wasn't part of the plan.
You saw him take the sherry.
You knew it could have been poisoned.
He told us he knew the truth.
But there was someone else that you saw as a threat.
Paul Chambers was blackmailing you.
I knew Fred grew hemlock for the coven.
I didn't have time to find the key, so I forced the door and took what I needed.
But you were seen by Paul Chambers and Fred Instick.
And when Paul realized that your mother had been poisoned by hemlock he put two and two together.
He demanded I transfer all rights of their sacred land to him.
I agreed to meet him at The Hallowed Hollow.
I said I had documents for him to sign.
But instead, you killed him.
How could I trust it would end there? Of course, you had to cover your tracks, regardless of any consequences.
Consequences that included almost killing your brother.
So you hid the poison in plain sight.
You crushed the hemlock into the cough syrup.
When you saw Alison with the bottle at the carols, you panicked, had to get it back.
So you followed Jeffrey to the shop.
When I found him, he could barely breathe.
And then he guessed what I'd done.
I was trying to reason with him when he fell.
Make him see that everything I'd done was totally justified.
You really believe that, don't you? Well, so would you if you'd had a mother like mine! But she did teach me something valuable.
Never give up! Is everything okay? Yes, everything's fine now.
Hmm, we've had a bit of an incident.
Oh, I can't wait to see Wilkes' face when he hears you've solved a murder case in three days flat while he was off partying with Santa.
We solved it together.
Yeah, but he doesn't need to know that, does he? Aggie! Agatha Raisin! There it is.
Turkey's in.
Stuffing done.
Veg is prepped and ready to go.
Well, it looks like it's a good time to open the champagne.
- Ooh! - Oh! Just wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas before we head off.
And there's been a genuine Christmas miracle.
Toni passed her driving test! You kept that quiet! Well, I didn't want to steal Bill's thunder.
Which reminds me, when the mechanic came to pick up Marilyn Thank you very much he said that the radio was on and the engine was still warm, so So, another mystery for you to solve, Agatha.
Hey, Mum.
Yeah, we're just leaving now.
Hold on, I can't hear you.
- Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas.
Can I just Oh! Wish me luck.
Good luck! Uh, excuse me.
You're not sneaking off to the pub, are you? As if.
Where are you going? That would be telling.
Well, you did it then.
It smells amazing.
Hm, I don't know.
Still time to burn the spuds and drop the turkey again.
James sent me a little Christmas parcel, and this was in it for you.
"Wishing you all the best at Christmas.
With much love as ever, James.
" You okay, Aggie? You know what? I am! Brilliant news! My parents have food poisoning! - Bill! - Yes! That's awful.
Oh, it's not serious.
They're just not feeling very festive.
But we are! So let's get this party started! - Okay.
- Yes, please! Champagne? Ladies and gentlemen, now before we embark on this truly magnificent feast, - I would just like to - Room for one more? Mr.
Boggles' out cold.
Too much creme de menthe down The Feathers.
The more, the merrier! Come on, Mrs.
B.
Well, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we have rather a lot of firsts to toast around this table.
Bill's first case as lead Detective.
Sarah's first Christmas as curate.
And Toni's as a driver.
And Aggie's first Christmas that hasn't been a complete disaster, thanks to me.
And to Agatha.
The best friend any of us could ever have.
- To Aggie! - Aggie! Mrs.
Raisin.
And here's to us all, my delightfully dysfunctional family.
We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas And a happy new year Good tidings we bring to you and your kin Good tidings of Christmas And a happy new year Yay! Hope that's not hemlock? Old time's sake? You know, I still remember Cyprus.
Secret Santa, everyone! Saved by the Boggle! What do you think? What do you think? Testicles on a key ring.
Who got me these? I thought they were chestnuts! They're balls, Boggle.
What about me?! What is he doing? It's snowing.
You might need this.
Come this way.
It was you! Look at you with your snow machine! Feliz Navidad as they say in Corsham! Did you all know about this? Well you did say you wanted a white Christmas.
Yeah! Charlie, can we go full Bing Crosby please.
Check! Say hello to my little friend.
Ha ha ha! Ooh! Yeah!