Alfred Hitchcock Presents s04e01 Episode Script
Poison
Good evening.
Here we are, in orbit once again.
Most of tonight's program will be taken up with a story called, "Poison.
" A rattlesnake.
It's a new warning device I've instituted to sound an alarm when a pickpocket is at work.
It comes in several sizes, including very small ones for ladies' purses.
He's very alert.
This is far superior to ordinary burglar alarms.
For if a thief is foolhardy enough to put his hand in the pocket There are a few bugs in it.
Once, when a thief put his hand in my pocket, the snake became confused and struck in the wrong direction.
The doctor had to put a tourniquet around my stomach.
Unfortunately, that proved to be the wrong stomach.
It was the snake who died.
I see that it is now what my sponsor calls "high time.
" And here is what he thinks it is high time for.
Timber.
Timber, come here.
What's the matter? Shh.
Stop.
Wait a minute.
What's the matter, Harry? Shh! Don't make a noise.
You been hitting the booze? No.
Take your shoes off before you come any nearer.
Please do as I say, Timber.
You been hitting the booze.
Quickly, Timber, but take your shoes off first.
Always humor the old and the drunk.
Don't touch the bed! Please don't touch the bed! It's either that or a bad go of malaria.
It's a krait.
A krait? Yes! Where'd it bite you? How long ago? They kill you in a few minutes.
I haven't been bitten.
Not yet.
It's on my stomach.
Lying there asleep.
Who are you kidding? Instead of seeing snakes, now you're feeling them.
No! You mean to tell me there's a krait lying on your stomach right now? I swear it.
How did it get there? I was reading.
I was just lying there, reading.
I felt something on my chest behind the book, sort of tickling.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw this little krait sliding over my pajamas.
Small, about 10 inches.
Knew I mustn't move.
I could feel it through my pajamas, moving on my stomach.
Then it stopped moving.
Now it's lying there in the warmth.
How long ago? Hours.
Just after the houseboy left.
But I can't keep still much longer.
I've been wanting to cough.
I believe your story, Harry.
As a matter of fact, that's not a surprising thing for a krait to do.
They hang around people's houses, they go for warm places.
These little fellows kill a surprising number of people each year.
Don't torture me.
Think of something! Okay, kiddy, I'll think of something.
What's that for? Why, Harry, I'm surprised at you.
Weren't you a Boy Scout? If that little reptile should get excited and bite you, why, I'll just make a slash, and I'll try to suck the venom out.
First thing I think we should do is to try to get the sheet down as quiet as we can.
You know, let's just take a look at things.
I don't think it will disturb him.
No! Don't be a fool.
The light would frighten him.
We ought to just pull it down quick and see if I can hit him off before he strikes.
Why don't you get a doctor? That's right.
Good old Dr.
Ganderbay.
I'll do that.
Oh, no.
No.
It's no good.
He's on his vacation.
No.
Yeah, I'm sure of it.
Drove to Singapore tonight.
Not another medico in the whole district.
Leaving later, cool of the night.
Harry, it's past midnight.
You can try.
Yeah, all right.
I'll try.
Oh, Harry, what's the doctor's number? Oh, don't bother answering.
I'll look up in the phonebook.
It's around here someplace.
Yeah, well, let's see.
The right district here Pahang.
Pahang.
E, F, G.
Here, under Ganderbay, Dr.
Operator, I'd like Pahang 713, please.
Hello, Dr.
Ganderbay? Oh.
Oh, I'm very sorry.
Got the wrong number.
Should have used my glasses.
Here they are.
Yeah, let's see now.
Pahang.
That's it.
Ganderbay.
didn't I? Well, you know, Shake of a lamb's tail now, chop, chop.
Operator, I got the wrong number.
Yes.
I want Pahang 718.
Yeah, I said three.
Yeah, it's an emergency, yes.
Hello, Dr.
Ganderbay? Oh.
I see.
Well, do that.
Thinks he's left.
But the boy's gone to see.
Doctor, doctor! Party on ding-a-ling.
Say that I've gone.
Yes, Doctor.
So sorry.
Doctor go? No, wait.
I will come.
Well, I think he must have left.
There's nobody Oh, no, wait a minute.
Here he is.
Hello, Doctor, this is Timber Woods.
Mr.
Woods, you are not in bed yet? Doctor, could you get over here quick? And bring some serum for a krait bite.
Nobody's been bitten.
Harry Pope's lying in bed, and he's got one lying on his stomach.
It's asleep under the sheet on his stomach.
He is not to move or to talk.
I'll be right over.
Like to have a cigarette? It will calm your nerves.
Make me cough.
You mind if I I'm sorry.
You know, Harry, I don't agree with the doctor about not talking.
It's all right about you, but, you know, about me.
Help pass the time.
Your nerves must be hopping.
Besides, if anything still should happen, there's a number of things that we should decide about, aren't there? What things? Julie, for one thing.
What about her? What about her? What is there in a girl? Is it the mother that's in every girl that sells her on taking on a sot like you? I'm not going to drink anymore.
Hogwash, Harry.
Once a lush, always a lush.
It's happened too many times.
Oh, sooner or later, Julie would have found out about it.
I could have waited, but maybe now I don't have to wait.
Maybe she'll never find out about it.
I know what you're trying to do.
Push me into something rash, wake up that thing.
Don't you want to think about the girl who came all the way out here from Paris to see you? Or was it the both of us, then? Yeah, but For the love of heaven Harry, be calm.
You're not supposed to talk, remember? I know very well what you'd say.
Try to blame me.
Say I made a boozer out of you so I could take over the business.
You're welcome to the business! You know something, Harry? You're right.
I did make a drunk out of you.
So what now? When this little krait may yet turn into What's the expression? The hand of God? Oh, in a very amusing disguise, of course.
It will cool you off.
Make me cough.
Here's the doctor.
How is it? Where is he? Which room? Right here.
First thing, we have to get some serum into him.
Kitchen? Over here.
Intravenously.
But I must do it neatly, I can't have him flinch.
Hold that until I ask for it.
I'm going to give you an injection of serum.
Just a pinprick, but try not to move.
You'll be all right now, even if you are bitten.
But don't move.
We'll be back in a moment.
Be all right now? Oh, quite.
Quite.
No.
How safe is he? It must give some protection, mustn't it? I mean, the serum isn't any good? Unfortunately not.
It might work, it might not.
I am trying to think of something else.
Why don't we just go in and pull the sheet down? Please! Please! This is not a matter to rush into bold-headed.
I know what we must do.
There is no other way.
We must administer an anesthetic to the creature, where it lies.
What an idea.
It is not safe, because a snake is cold-blooded and anesthetic does not work so well or so quickly with such animals, but there is no other thing to do.
We could use chloroform or ether.
Which will you try? Chloroform.
Ordinary chloroform.
That is best.
Quickly, go to my house.
There is no need for your shoes! The jeep Shh.
No talk, not a move.
Just relax.
You must.
It's difficult, but you must relax.
And if you will not talk, I will tell you what is the plan.
We shall put this animal to sleep, deep sleep, with anesthetic.
Mr.
Woods has already gone to my house for the chloroform.
I shall work carefully.
Ever so carefully, and ever so slowly.
I can't last much longer.
I got a flat tire.
I'm going to soak the mattress under your body.
It will be very cold.
You be ready for that.
And don't move.
We'll give it 15 minutes, just to be safe.
You go over to the other side of the bed.
We will throw the sheet back slowly and carefully.
No.
We must be careful.
It may be anywhere.
It could even be up the leg of his pajamas.
He's been bitten! It's not there! Mr.
Pope, you are quite sure, of course, that you saw it in the first place? You don't think you could possibly have been dreaming, do you? Are you telling me I'm a liar? Wouldn't be the first time he's had the DTs.
Listen, you two, I Sorry to cause you so much bother, Doctor.
He's had a lot of trouble, lately.
All due to his drinking.
Lost his share of the business.
What your friend needs is a vacation.
Yeah.
See you, Doc.
Listen, you, I saw it! I know I saw it! Sure, I know.
I believe your story.
You saw snakes.
You saw pink elephants! It was here in this room! It was! In the bed, asleep on my stomach! You sniveling drunken bum.
Oh, wait till Julie hears about this gambit.
If you'd ever been a friend of mine What you need is a hair of the dog.
We'll drink together.
Hell, let's drink to friendship! To friendship.
Oh, Harry, you! Oh, Harry, you silly I'm bitten.
I'm bitten.
It was here all along.
Harry, Harry, am I going to die? Harry, get the doctor! Harry, get the doctor, please! The doctor's gone, Timber.
Harry, I beg you, please! Harry, Harry! Harry! For failing to call a doctor when his friend was bitten, Harry spent some little time in prison.
Apparently, the snake couldn't keep his mouth shut.
Which reminds me, I believe it is time for another message.
However, I shall be back.
If you are interested in obtaining one of my pickpocket alarms Good heavens, I've been robbed! Good night.
Here we are, in orbit once again.
Most of tonight's program will be taken up with a story called, "Poison.
" A rattlesnake.
It's a new warning device I've instituted to sound an alarm when a pickpocket is at work.
It comes in several sizes, including very small ones for ladies' purses.
He's very alert.
This is far superior to ordinary burglar alarms.
For if a thief is foolhardy enough to put his hand in the pocket There are a few bugs in it.
Once, when a thief put his hand in my pocket, the snake became confused and struck in the wrong direction.
The doctor had to put a tourniquet around my stomach.
Unfortunately, that proved to be the wrong stomach.
It was the snake who died.
I see that it is now what my sponsor calls "high time.
" And here is what he thinks it is high time for.
Timber.
Timber, come here.
What's the matter? Shh.
Stop.
Wait a minute.
What's the matter, Harry? Shh! Don't make a noise.
You been hitting the booze? No.
Take your shoes off before you come any nearer.
Please do as I say, Timber.
You been hitting the booze.
Quickly, Timber, but take your shoes off first.
Always humor the old and the drunk.
Don't touch the bed! Please don't touch the bed! It's either that or a bad go of malaria.
It's a krait.
A krait? Yes! Where'd it bite you? How long ago? They kill you in a few minutes.
I haven't been bitten.
Not yet.
It's on my stomach.
Lying there asleep.
Who are you kidding? Instead of seeing snakes, now you're feeling them.
No! You mean to tell me there's a krait lying on your stomach right now? I swear it.
How did it get there? I was reading.
I was just lying there, reading.
I felt something on my chest behind the book, sort of tickling.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw this little krait sliding over my pajamas.
Small, about 10 inches.
Knew I mustn't move.
I could feel it through my pajamas, moving on my stomach.
Then it stopped moving.
Now it's lying there in the warmth.
How long ago? Hours.
Just after the houseboy left.
But I can't keep still much longer.
I've been wanting to cough.
I believe your story, Harry.
As a matter of fact, that's not a surprising thing for a krait to do.
They hang around people's houses, they go for warm places.
These little fellows kill a surprising number of people each year.
Don't torture me.
Think of something! Okay, kiddy, I'll think of something.
What's that for? Why, Harry, I'm surprised at you.
Weren't you a Boy Scout? If that little reptile should get excited and bite you, why, I'll just make a slash, and I'll try to suck the venom out.
First thing I think we should do is to try to get the sheet down as quiet as we can.
You know, let's just take a look at things.
I don't think it will disturb him.
No! Don't be a fool.
The light would frighten him.
We ought to just pull it down quick and see if I can hit him off before he strikes.
Why don't you get a doctor? That's right.
Good old Dr.
Ganderbay.
I'll do that.
Oh, no.
No.
It's no good.
He's on his vacation.
No.
Yeah, I'm sure of it.
Drove to Singapore tonight.
Not another medico in the whole district.
Leaving later, cool of the night.
Harry, it's past midnight.
You can try.
Yeah, all right.
I'll try.
Oh, Harry, what's the doctor's number? Oh, don't bother answering.
I'll look up in the phonebook.
It's around here someplace.
Yeah, well, let's see.
The right district here Pahang.
Pahang.
E, F, G.
Here, under Ganderbay, Dr.
Operator, I'd like Pahang 713, please.
Hello, Dr.
Ganderbay? Oh.
Oh, I'm very sorry.
Got the wrong number.
Should have used my glasses.
Here they are.
Yeah, let's see now.
Pahang.
That's it.
Ganderbay.
didn't I? Well, you know, Shake of a lamb's tail now, chop, chop.
Operator, I got the wrong number.
Yes.
I want Pahang 718.
Yeah, I said three.
Yeah, it's an emergency, yes.
Hello, Dr.
Ganderbay? Oh.
I see.
Well, do that.
Thinks he's left.
But the boy's gone to see.
Doctor, doctor! Party on ding-a-ling.
Say that I've gone.
Yes, Doctor.
So sorry.
Doctor go? No, wait.
I will come.
Well, I think he must have left.
There's nobody Oh, no, wait a minute.
Here he is.
Hello, Doctor, this is Timber Woods.
Mr.
Woods, you are not in bed yet? Doctor, could you get over here quick? And bring some serum for a krait bite.
Nobody's been bitten.
Harry Pope's lying in bed, and he's got one lying on his stomach.
It's asleep under the sheet on his stomach.
He is not to move or to talk.
I'll be right over.
Like to have a cigarette? It will calm your nerves.
Make me cough.
You mind if I I'm sorry.
You know, Harry, I don't agree with the doctor about not talking.
It's all right about you, but, you know, about me.
Help pass the time.
Your nerves must be hopping.
Besides, if anything still should happen, there's a number of things that we should decide about, aren't there? What things? Julie, for one thing.
What about her? What about her? What is there in a girl? Is it the mother that's in every girl that sells her on taking on a sot like you? I'm not going to drink anymore.
Hogwash, Harry.
Once a lush, always a lush.
It's happened too many times.
Oh, sooner or later, Julie would have found out about it.
I could have waited, but maybe now I don't have to wait.
Maybe she'll never find out about it.
I know what you're trying to do.
Push me into something rash, wake up that thing.
Don't you want to think about the girl who came all the way out here from Paris to see you? Or was it the both of us, then? Yeah, but For the love of heaven Harry, be calm.
You're not supposed to talk, remember? I know very well what you'd say.
Try to blame me.
Say I made a boozer out of you so I could take over the business.
You're welcome to the business! You know something, Harry? You're right.
I did make a drunk out of you.
So what now? When this little krait may yet turn into What's the expression? The hand of God? Oh, in a very amusing disguise, of course.
It will cool you off.
Make me cough.
Here's the doctor.
How is it? Where is he? Which room? Right here.
First thing, we have to get some serum into him.
Kitchen? Over here.
Intravenously.
But I must do it neatly, I can't have him flinch.
Hold that until I ask for it.
I'm going to give you an injection of serum.
Just a pinprick, but try not to move.
You'll be all right now, even if you are bitten.
But don't move.
We'll be back in a moment.
Be all right now? Oh, quite.
Quite.
No.
How safe is he? It must give some protection, mustn't it? I mean, the serum isn't any good? Unfortunately not.
It might work, it might not.
I am trying to think of something else.
Why don't we just go in and pull the sheet down? Please! Please! This is not a matter to rush into bold-headed.
I know what we must do.
There is no other way.
We must administer an anesthetic to the creature, where it lies.
What an idea.
It is not safe, because a snake is cold-blooded and anesthetic does not work so well or so quickly with such animals, but there is no other thing to do.
We could use chloroform or ether.
Which will you try? Chloroform.
Ordinary chloroform.
That is best.
Quickly, go to my house.
There is no need for your shoes! The jeep Shh.
No talk, not a move.
Just relax.
You must.
It's difficult, but you must relax.
And if you will not talk, I will tell you what is the plan.
We shall put this animal to sleep, deep sleep, with anesthetic.
Mr.
Woods has already gone to my house for the chloroform.
I shall work carefully.
Ever so carefully, and ever so slowly.
I can't last much longer.
I got a flat tire.
I'm going to soak the mattress under your body.
It will be very cold.
You be ready for that.
And don't move.
We'll give it 15 minutes, just to be safe.
You go over to the other side of the bed.
We will throw the sheet back slowly and carefully.
No.
We must be careful.
It may be anywhere.
It could even be up the leg of his pajamas.
He's been bitten! It's not there! Mr.
Pope, you are quite sure, of course, that you saw it in the first place? You don't think you could possibly have been dreaming, do you? Are you telling me I'm a liar? Wouldn't be the first time he's had the DTs.
Listen, you two, I Sorry to cause you so much bother, Doctor.
He's had a lot of trouble, lately.
All due to his drinking.
Lost his share of the business.
What your friend needs is a vacation.
Yeah.
See you, Doc.
Listen, you, I saw it! I know I saw it! Sure, I know.
I believe your story.
You saw snakes.
You saw pink elephants! It was here in this room! It was! In the bed, asleep on my stomach! You sniveling drunken bum.
Oh, wait till Julie hears about this gambit.
If you'd ever been a friend of mine What you need is a hair of the dog.
We'll drink together.
Hell, let's drink to friendship! To friendship.
Oh, Harry, you! Oh, Harry, you silly I'm bitten.
I'm bitten.
It was here all along.
Harry, Harry, am I going to die? Harry, get the doctor! Harry, get the doctor, please! The doctor's gone, Timber.
Harry, I beg you, please! Harry, Harry! Harry! For failing to call a doctor when his friend was bitten, Harry spent some little time in prison.
Apparently, the snake couldn't keep his mouth shut.
Which reminds me, I believe it is time for another message.
However, I shall be back.
If you are interested in obtaining one of my pickpocket alarms Good heavens, I've been robbed! Good night.