All Hail King Julien (2014) s04e01 Episode Script

1 [Mort chuckles.]
- [Mort.]
I'm okay! - [laughs.]
[theme music playing.]
Party - # Who's the king? # - # King Julien! # - # Who's the king? # - # King Julien! # Get down for the get down - # Everybody party with King who? # - # King Julien! # - # King who? # - # King Julien! # Tonight will be forever Let's do King Julien style Woof! Whoa, oh, whoa, oh Y'all tell me who's the king Whoa, oh, whoa, oh All hail King Julien! Welcome back, everyone.
As part of our public safety campaign, Pancho has a few words to say on our kingdom.
- Pancho.
- Thanks, Xixi.
I hate to be a "Willie" What the heck, man? but there are a lot of unlocked doors in the kingdom and someone, not me, could easily sneak in and go through your stuff for fun or profit.
Not me, but like, someone else.
[groans.]
Why is the news so boring? Maurice, what's on next? - Uh, Xixi.
- [groans loudly.]
And after that? More Xixi.
[groans more loudly.]
All I'm saying is that for a fee, you know, like a nominal fee, I could offer insurance against these kind of break-ins.
Gee, Pancho, that sounds a little like extortion.
- Your word, Xixi, not mine.
- Okay.
Why don't we go to commercial? [drum roll.]
Hey, kids, do you like scorpions? [all.]
Yeah! Well, then you're gonna love our newest home protection model, the Fairfax Scorpion Jr.
Blue for boys and pink for girls.
Give 'em a whirl.
[screaming.]
Kids these days are so lucky.
Enough! I can't watch any more.
My peoples work hard watersliding and avoiding being eaten.
They need a show that lets them escape from reality.
Where's the chair throwing and interspecies love triangles? I'll put on a show for you, King Julien.
[giggling.]
- [grunts.]
- Help! [groans.]
[lemur kids whimpering.]
Andy, where are you going? We still have another segment.
Fiber: Friend or Foe? [laughs.]
I need to sell product and this show is a dud.
I'm going over to the Crocodile Kingdom.
At least those guys know entertainment.
[stuttering.]
What you say what? The Crocodiles are making shows? You bet they are.
They got a crazy new show that's crushing it.
Is everyone ready to play [all.]
That's a croc! First question.
When dining on another species, one should always milk the marrow from the bones before dessert.
True or that's a croc? Five seconds.
Oh.
Oh, my.
Such a fine line with marrow.
Uh, I believe Yes, true.
True! You have to push the button, sir.
[groaning.]
Oh! Eh, I I can't.
[all laughing.]
[buzzer sounds.]
I'm sorry, sir, time's up.
No! I knew that one.
Not fair.
This game is a sham! [sobbing.]
[all.]
That's a croc! [laughing heartily.]
That actually sounds like a good show.
For idiots, Your Majesty.
The crocodiles are trying to exploit our entertainment weakness to lure our people away.
How did I not know of this? Maurice, you're the Minister of Information.
There is no Minister of Information.
Exactly.
We have to stop them.
[sighs.]
Whatever he comes up with, we've got to stop him before he goes too far.
Agreed.
Step right up, folks.
The show is about to begin.
[Xixi.]
Comin' in hot! [all exclaim.]
Oh, did I miss the king's big surprise? Nope.
Whatever the "surprise" is, it hasn't started yet.
Where is Clover? - [explosion.]
- [all gasp.]
[melodramatic instrumental music playing.]
Look around you, what do you see? Real life.
Well, I'm here today to say who needs real life? [shouts.]
We're all gonna die! You see? That is what real life has done to you.
So obsessed with dying.
With fear.
Well, what the heck else is there? When I was elected, I promised I was going to change things.
But you can't change real life.
It gets on everything like a fungus, it's all green and squishy, and maybe some little bugs in a yurt Anyway, I figured, if you can't change real life, why not find a way to ignore it? Please take a controller and pass it down.
There's enough for everyone.
[Julien.]
What you are holding in your hands is choice, peoples.
Choice to tune out real life and tune in something new.
Something that will let you forget your troubles with a simple turn of a dial.
Oh, my stars, what is it? It sounds so wonderful, I think I'm gonna joy tinkle.
Oops.
There goes a dribbler.
It is KJ-branded entertainment guaranteed to make you forget about your boring, painful, reality filled lives.
I call it Julien-Vision! [female voice.]
Julien-Vision.
[male baritone voice.]
Oh, yeah! Maurice, what is this? I'm getting the same anxious feeling I get when a celebrity couple hires a young nanny.
Don't worry, Clover and I were prepared for something like this.
[laughs.]
Clover? [shouts.]
Clover, where are you? Let's see what's on.
[all screaming.]
[Julien.]
She's the stage mom you love to hate.
[crowd chattering.]
Prepare yourself for Unleash the Beast! All right, my little angels, let's see some Grande Jetes, or so help me, I will not be able to control [shouts.]
Todd! - [roars.]
- [lemur kids screaming.]
[Julien.]
He's the jungle's freakiest bachelor.
Welcome to The Single Life.
Hey, girl [sips.]
What's your sign? Mine's "Full Speed Ahead.
" [chuckles.]
[laughs.]
Get ready for Hot Jungle Nights with Madagascar's favorite crime fighter, Clover! Oh, no, she didn't.
Ello, ello, ello.
- What's all this about then? - [gasps.]
You can't come in here without a warrant.
It's against the law.
There's only one law in this jungle.
Me! Ki-yah! Ha! Ha! Remember, kids, don't play with matches.
You might get burned.
[laughing, applause.]
[screams.]
Look at them, Maurice.
Who needs real life? Julien-Vision is a hit.
I'm your royal advisor.
I should have been told! Yeah, but then you would have tried to stop me like you always do and I would have just done it anyway.
So, ya know, this saved time.
Woo! A-ha! Did you hear that applause? Star quality.
Right here.
Oh, yeah! I thought we were supposed to stop this together! What happened? Hello? My own show happened.
Jealous? Are you going to cancel me? [sobbing.]
Oh, no! My show is all I have! Without it, I'll have to face my dubious life choices! Please, no! You're not canceled, Xixi.
But I am going to need you to step up your game.
No problem.
I won't let you down.
[groans.]
You and Xixi have been friends since childhood.
You wouldn't really cancel her show, would you? Of course not, Mo-Mo, but it's not up to me.
Julien-Vision is about choice.
My peoples decide what they want or don't want.
It's in their hands now.
[clamoring.]
Gonna be a lot of empty huts if everyone's watching Julien-Vision.
And a lot of unlocked doors.
[cheering.]
[all.]
Whoa! [phone ringing.]
This is Maggie, Mistress of the Unknown.
What's your question? Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
I bet that hurts.
Hold on, let me consult the sky gods.
[farts.]
I hope that was the answer you were looking for.
Next caller.
- [Mort.]
Oh, please, King Julien.
- [Julien.]
No! I am not putting on a show about you painting pictures of my feet.
[kissing.]
Argh! Don't lick it.
- [grunts.]
- [screams, groans.]
King Julien, we have a problem.
I'm glad you're here.
I'm beefing up our comedies in case the crocodiles get wind of our awesome programming and try something.
I'm sorry, but this can't wait Okay, check it, it's a pair of mismatched roommates [laughs.]
and they are living in a cave.
[thunder rumbling.]
[applause.]
Nurse Phantom, where are my beakers? In the lab where they belong, and not with my good china where I found them.
Now sit down, dinner is ready.
[audience laughing.]
I'm not hungry.
- [audience.]
Ooh.
- Gah! Do you have any idea how long it took me to make that turkey pot pie on an island [shouts.]
where there are no turkeys? [audience laughing.]
Mamma Mia, why did we ever become roommates [shouts.]
in a cave? - Ha-ha.
- Your Majesty, the kingdom has come to a grinding halt because everyone is either watching or starring on [shouts.]
Julien-Vision! [gasps.]
I had no idea.
Everyone? Well, there's still a small group What? Why aren't they watching? Get them in those seats! I'm curing the boredom and stress of reality, Maurice! - It's a pretty big deal.
- We've got a problem.
Oh, man, not you too.
- Ahh! - [Mort grunts.]
Just ahh! Welcome back to our ripped from the headlines exclusive Fiber: Friend or Foe? I have always had tummy issues.
- Gurgle, gurgle.
- [stomach gurgling.]
Is there a monster in there? I hope not.
[laughs.]
That's when I discovered I could make my own gecko cheese and you can, too.
[all exclaim in disgust.]
To start, get yourself a half dozen geckos and attach hoses to their milking bits.
- Oh, thundering pony thighs! - [geckos screeching.]
- [Ted.]
Help! - This is the problem? Fine, giving Ted his own cooking show was a mistake.
Can I go now? - Uh - Keep watching.
[sighs in relief.]
That's better.
They've brought reinforcements.
- [geckos screeching.]
- [screaming.]
Welcome back! [farting.]
[screeching, rumbling.]
- [thud.]
- That is the problem.
The kingdom can't decide what to watch and all the show flipping is putting strain on the platform.
I'm not sure she can hold.
[creaking.]
Hello, and welcome back to Still life with Feet.
No! No, Mort! Oh, it's very important to get just a hint of rosy pink on King Julien's toe webbing.
Oh [Julien grunts.]
Give me that painting right now! - [Mort grunting.]
- [audience laughs.]
- Now, you demented imp! - It's not finished! [Julien groans.]
[laughing continues.]
- [Mort grunting.]
- [crashes.]
[both grunting.]
No, don't touch those dials, please! [sobs.]
I'll do anything you want! I have no self esteem! [bawling, groans.]
[farting.]
[grunts.]
[Mort screaming.]
No, you can't [bawling.]
I'm an only child! Oh! Oh, golly, I think I swallowed some! [Julien.]
No means no, Mort! Get out of my spotlight.
[Mort screaming unintelligibly.]
She's gonna blow! - [Timo screams.]
- [gasps.]
[lemurs screaming.]
[explosion.]
Your Majesty, watch out! [grunting.]
[Clover screaming.]
Huh? [gasps.]
Julien-Vision! [crying.]
It's ruined! - [Ted.]
We love King Julien! Yeah! - [lemurs cheering.]
Uh Okay, weird.
Is it brain damage, Timo? Are we going to have to put them all down? No, Your Majesty.
You gave the kingdom a choice of what shows they wanted to watch and it appears they chose you.
- All four of you.
- [Maurice.]
Um [all.]
Us? Oh, no.
I know that look.
You can't, Your Majesty.
This is our lives.
The peoples have spoken, Mo-Mo! Buckle up, kingdom, things are about to get real! [hip-hop instrumental music playing.]
[sipping.]
Maurice! Where have you been? You'll never believe what's happened.
[sighs.]
King Julien and I had important business to discuss, but when I saw the big coconut, I knew we were in trouble.
Someone has given Sir Tony a cashmere beret? You know about his allergies.
- [sneezes.]
- Ugh! Your Majesty, the black and white cupcake party is tonight and Clover still hasn't RSVP'd.
Impossible.
This is the cupcake event of the season, y'all.
- She'd never miss that.
- [Mort.]
Think again, girlfriend.
I heard her down by the waterslide saying she was too good to go [screams.]
Oh, no! Help me! [gurgling.]
Girlfriend, you best be lying or so help me, Miss Clover gonna see the business end of my prosthetic leg.
- You don't have a prosthetic leg.
- Hmm.
Oh, yeah, this was gonna get bad.
Bummer, because I was really looking forward to decorating some cupcakes.
Here's one I made earlier.
That's real stolen hair right there.
Isn't it amazing? It's so real! It's like we're right there! We are right there, ya moron.
I know! Who needs ambition and dreams when we can live vicariously through King Julien? I have to run home and joy tinkle.
If The All Hail King Julien Show gets a spinoff, we're gonna need a bigger cave.
Forget the cave.
We're gonna need a bigger island.
[both laughing.]
- [thuds.]
- Hey! Buttered tortillas! We've been robbed! I better tinkle quick and get back before I miss something good.
Who would have thought that when I created Julien-Vision, I would end up as its greatest star? Uh, how is our show doing against the competition? What competition? You canceled all the other shows except for Xixi's and we both know you won't cancel that.
My friendship with Xixi is a gift.
- Cancel it.
- What? The peoples want all KJ all the time.
Xixi will understand when you tell her.
Me? No way! Well, I can't do it.
I'm her friend.
So am I! [Xixi.]
Comin' in hot! Your Majesty - You did not just run away! - [Julien.]
Yes, I did.
[groans.]
Maurice, where did King Julien go? Xixi, I don't know how to say this Oh, no.
Is my show canceled? Is that why King Julien ran away? [bawling.]
No! I'm freaking out! Stop! Breathe, Xixi! Your Your show's not canceled! [crying.]
It's not? No.
But even if it was, would that be so bad? Trust me, it is no picnic being on a hit show.
[exclaims in surprise.]
Hey, everybody, look, it's Maurice, the sensitive one.
Yeah, yeah.
Somebody get a baby giraffe to make him cry.
[all laugh.]
[all.]
Cry! Cry! Cry! I have feelings! [sobbing.]
See what I mean? Yeah, but that's just because you're self-aware, whereas I am way too shallow to care.
[sighs.]
Just come up with a reality that people actually care about.
Something they can't get from The All Hail King Julien Show.
- Do that and everything will be fine.
- Hmm.
[Andy.]
It's like stealing candy from a baby.
I wonder what it'd be like to steal a baby from a baby, - know what I'm saying? - I do not wanna share a bathroom with you.
Hoo-ah.
- [audience.]
Ooh! - [exclaims.]
Uh.
What's that, Mort? [laughs.]
Good one.
King Julien can hear my thoughts? Must be more careful.
I can't let my thoughts betray me.
You can cut the charade, Your Majesty, whateva! I know you've just been waiting to see if I'd show up.
[all.]
Ooh! [stammering.]
Where have you been, Clover? You know how much this black and white cupcake party that I only came up with yesterday to fabricate controversy for the show means everything to me! You canceled my show! That's right.
My show! Technically, the peoples canceled your show.
- Oh.
I am done.
- [snapping.]
I am done! I could not believe Clover gave me the "sassy shut-up" hand.
[sighs.]
I had to go nuclear.
It appears you've left me no choice but to recast.
You can come out! [all gasp.]
Nurse Phantom! [sobbing.]
How could you? FYI, I'm taking your catchphrase.
[slurps.]
On it! [both grunting.]
Paws off the royal coiffure, Clover, or I will straight up yank out your weave.
I don't have a weave.
[groans.]
[Andy.]
Just like old times, Pancho.
- You, me, and a dank cave full of loot.
- [exclaims.]
We make a pretty good team.
Hey, you wanna wrestle? You know, like a bonding thing, not weird or nothin' like that.
Sure, long as it's not weird.
- Oh, boy.
- [grunting.]
This is gonna put me back on top! [Pancho.]
Oh, piledriver! [audience laughing.]
Clover! King Julien! Stop! What are we doing? This isn't us! Of course it is.
We've just been distilled to only include the stuff that's important, fighting and complaining about our privileged lives.
- [Xixi.]
Comin' in hot! - [groans.]
King Julien, big news! Ugh! Xixi, now is not the time! But I've got a breaking story for my show.
Show? Maurice, didn't you tell her? Tell me what? Xixi, I uh I was hoping I could change his mind.
Look, Xixi, you know how much I love you.
I mean, respeck! But turns out the peoples want their reality with very little actual reality.
And that means The All Hail King Julien Show twenty-four-sev, and no news.
But what about when you sleep? [blows raspberry.]
Two words, reruns.
Your Majesty, the black and white cupcake party is tonight and Clover still hasn't RSVP'd.
Impossible.
This is the cupcake event of the season.
She'd never miss that.
[Hector.]
Think again, girlfriend.
Nope.
- Not doin' this.
- [gasps.]
Xixi Hey, nothing lasts forever, right? See ya around.
[groans.]
Ooh.
Uh Maurice, you're the emotional one.
Did she seem upset? [growls.]
Well, this reality isn't any fun.
If I wanted to see hope and joy being crushed, I would have stayed home and watched Todd.
Oh.
I'm really sorry to interrupt, - but [shouts.]
we've all been robbed! - [both.]
What? [whimpering.]
They got my place, too.
My stump wasn't touched.
Weird, huh? How could this happen? - Everyone was watching Julien-Vision - [Mort groaning.]
And, oh! You've got to be kidding me! While everyone was watching Julien-Vision, no one was watching the kingdom, including me.
[sighs.]
Sorry, Your Majesty.
I just wanted to help my peoples hide from reality, but reality still found us.
We forgot the harvest, we were robbed! You replaced me with Nurse Phantom.
And I lost an old friend.
- [gasps.]
Xixi! - Xixi! She tried to tell us about something big! We have to find her! [dance music playing.]
[chattering, cheering.]
- Oh! - Hey, watch it! Hey, you don't wanna ride the party train, then get off the track! Xixi, what are you doing? Show's gone.
This is where I belong now.
Oh, yeah, goin' beast mode, y'all! We're never gonna die! - [groaning.]
- Forget about the show.
A show can't define you.
Who you are is inside.
And I think inside you're pretty wonderful.
You really mean that? Of course I do.
And King Julien feels the same way.
I know it.
He'll come around.
You've always been a good friend to me, Maurice.
Uh Eh [kissing.]
What are you doing? Did you just try to kiss me? Ha I'm sorry, I'm really fragile right now.
[Julien.]
Xixi! Maurice! Oh! I am so glad we found you.
Me, too.
This club is sicknasty.
Who's the DJ? King Julien! Yes.
Sorry.
I'm going to say this fast because we've got kind of a crisis back in the kingdom.
Xixi, despite Maurice's insistence on creating other shows to watch, for me, your show is the only one we need.
I'm officially canceling Julien-Vision and un-canceling your show.
Please come back to the kingdom.
It wouldn't be the same without my oldest, dearest friend there.
I don't know what to say.
[mumbling.]
[kissing.]
You already got the show back.
She's had a really long day.
You said there was a crisis, King Julien? Yes, someone has robbed the entire kingdom! Oh! I know who it is! Yeah, we thought you might.
Xixi here reporting live from the scene of the biggest heist in Madagascar's history.
Pancho, Andy, can you tell the viewers why you did it, and more importantly, who are you wearing? [yawns.]
Nice to have the kingdom back to normal.
Or as normal as this kingdom gets.
Yes, Maurice, my peoples have learned a valuable lesson.
Real life is boring and would be way better if we could edit it and add a bangin' soundtrack and explosions and stuff.
That's pretty much the opposite of what I I'm just sorry some of my brilliant show ideas will never see the light of day.
How did I get here? Hey.
Don't worry, Dandelion.
Remember, Orange is the new Pancho.
Anyone wanna wrestle? - As long as it's weird.
- [Pancho whimpering.]
[roars.]
[crocodiles laughing.]
I can't believe King Julien didn't pick this show up.
This is genius!