Angie Tribeca (2016) s04e01 Episode Script

1 Narrator: Previously on "Angie Tribeca" You're under arrest for the murder of Angie Tribeca.
But that is her.
This is not Angie Tribeca.
All right, Tribeca, I'm gonna ask you this one last time! And goddamn it, I want an answer! Do you want water?! Who are you? You murdered someone named Angie Tribeca 19 years ago and took her identity you.
Why? I don't know what you're talking about.
I've had enough of this.
We should just stick her on death row.
I can get her in.
Atkins: Give me a minute with her alone, Joe.
Please? [Door opens, closes.]
All right, Tribeca, Angie, whatever the hell your name is.
It's me.
Now, you're the best cop I've ever known and I need you on my team.
But I have to know the truth.
[Sighs.]
There never was an Angie Tribeca.
Tribeca: My first job out of high school was at the DMV.
It was a living hell issuing licenses, updating changes of address Trying to explain organ donation to non-English speakers.
And then, I had an idea.
I would become someone else.
Since the DMV system was linked up with all the other government agencies, I was able to create the person I wanted to be.
All I needed was a name.
You remember how I said there never was an Angie Tribeca? Well, I found out there was one, and her accident death at a meet-cute sparked off this investigation.
This is a whopper of a pickle you put us in, Tribeca.
But we're gonna fight it with everything we have the police union, the ACLU, the Blue Man Group.
Hell, we'll hire a lawyer if we have to.
But I swear on my mother's life, you are not going to jail.
[Alarm beeps, door rattles.]
I'm so sorry about this.
No, I'm so sorry about your mom.
Take care, Tribeca.
I'll see you in 20 years.
Come again! [Cellphone chimes.]
Angie Tribeca? Yeah.
Are you Ronaldo? It says you're supposed to be in a Kia.
[Hissing.]
Zero stars.
[Gasps, breathes heavily.]
Morning, sleepyhead.
- Lieutenant? - It's Captain now.
Captain, what's going on? It's not Captain anymore.
I left the force years ago.
Why am I here? What's happening? There's no time for a full explanation, but the short version is, we've been recruited to something called the Special Division Force, a top-secret unit founded by the Vice President to take on cases outside the scope of traditional law enforcement.
But you'll be pleased to know there's some familiar faces coming along for the ride.
Scholls.
What's new? Nothing much.
I have Lyme disease now.
Hoffman! Been a way for 20 years.
Say hello to Hoffman's grandson, Hoffman.
And now for some faces which may not be so familiar.
This is Maria Charo, a genius in applied psychology, recruited from a local college.
By observing body language and microexpressions, she can basically read your mind.
Any good cop can read a perp's mind.
You're constipated.
It's been this way for days.
You're starting to wonder if it will ever end.
Lucky guess.
Look, sir, this is all a bit overwhelming.
Damn it, Tribeca, we need you on this team.
We're talking international espionage, balance of power stuff.
If we have an off day, people die.
And if that's not enough to sway you there's one more member of the team that I'd like you to meet.
Geils! Geils? Mom it's me.
This is Angela Geils, Jr.
The son you abandoned when he was 2.
[Heavy thud.]
[Gunshot fires.]
His name is Pierre Cardin.
Sorry, Murphy, above your pay grade.
He's the French Ambassador to the U.
N.
and an outspoken opponent of the Frexit movement.
Needless to say, Mr.
Cardin has made a lot of pro-Frexit enemies.
So we're headed to the U.
N.
? Minnesota.
Monsieur Cardin is a very vain man.
He's decided to undergo an elective scrotal rejuvenation at the renowned Mustard Clinic.
If you're messing with your boy bells, that's where you want to go.
I hear.
So, let me guess someone plans to take him out while he's undergoing this procedure.
If Cardin, then the Frexit becomes a fait accompli, at which point, it becomes very difficult to stop.
So, we will go undercover at the Mustard Clinic, blend into the hospital's genre, infiltrate the surgery, and take down whoever is planning the assassination.
Scholls, pass out the tech.
These are watches.
They will tell you the time as soon as they're strapped to your wrist.
Water resistant, not water proof.
Know the difference.
These are pants.
They'll cover your body and provide pouches for storage Can I sit down? Yeah.
Have you spoken to your father? He's busy with his own precinct now.
Look, I-I'm sure you have some feelings about the fact that I sent you to boarding school when you were 2.
But it was the best school in the country, and I knew they would take good care of you.
That school closed after six months because the science teacher was doing experiments on the kids.
After that, I-I got taken in by a family of accountants that would beat me every time I made a basic math error.
I ran away, you know, age 15, spent the next three years living on the streets until I was 22.
But you already know all this from all the letters I sent you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Th-They were really funny.
Then you know about the PTSD? Right, after the army.
From the circus.
And now I can't even stick my head in a lion's mouth without freaking out.
Okay.
Okay.
I know I wasn't a great mother.
But you have to understand that I thought I was doing what was best for me.
Yeah.
I do understand.
Look, would you mind letting me finish my homework for this case, please? 'Kay.
Computer voice: Stop requested.
I think I'm gonna walk the rest of the way.
- Get some fresh air.
- Atkins: Oh, okay.
Just go out of the L.
A.
traffic, so it should be pretty smooth sailing to Minnesota.
Just remember, when you wake up in the morning, you're a first-year intern at a competitive teaching hospital.
And be careful, the head surgeon's known for a cocky attitude and incorrigible womanizing.
Don't worry, sir.
I have yet to meet the person who could womanize me.
Copy that.
Tribeca: My first day as a doctor, and I was already guilty of romantic malpractice.
[Watch alarm beeps.]
Oh, shit.
Damn.
These things really do work.
Morning, sunshine.
Oh.
And you are? Autumn Portugal.
How'd you sleep? You know, we don't really have to do this.
I mean, we were drunk.
We hooked up behind a gas station.
It's all good.
Really.
So that's a no on my famous round-shaped pancakes? I'll take a rain check.
I'm late for work at the hospital.
Oh, the Mustard Clinic? I'm a surgeon there.
I can give you a ride.
That's a great idea.
You know what's an even better idea? Is if we part ways and never see each other again.
Okay, but just to remind you, I work at the hospital where you're also going to work.
Yeah.
Nice to meet you, too.
Have a good life.
And then the day went from bad to hospital.
[Sighs.]
- Where the hell have you been? - I'm sorry.
I don't know why I'm such an adorable, - hot mess all of a sudden.
- Listen, Atkins had to pull a lot of strings to get you on this force.
The least you could do is get your head in the game.
- Listen, Angela - Call me A.
J.
Okay, A.
J.
, first of all, I'm your mother, so stop it with the attitude.
Second of all, I've been doing this a lot longer than you.
What the hell's on your feet? Tissue boxes.
Couldn't find my shoes.
Atkins: Morning, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the wonderful world of medicine.
Now I don't mean to piss in your IV bags, but the simple fact is half of you won't make it through this program.
Seven of you won't make it through your first day.
Five will get locked in the stairwell.
Four will start a small business.
And two are undercover cops.
The intern that shows the most promise after the first day will get to scrub in on a real procedure with our Chief Surgeon, Dr.
Autumn Portugal.
Oh, man, I'm screwed.
I'm getting that surgery.
I'll show my entire promise if I have to.
Now, we haven't had a major disaster since yesterday, so you'll probably have some time to Oh, God! A Ferris wheel just broke off its hinges! It'll be here in less than five minutes! Let's get you to triage.
We might have to cut off your face.
We got to get him out and save the popcorn.
- The lollipop's heartbeat is normal, - One, two - so it should be okay.
- three, four Stay with me! Hey.
Hi.
This is a, uh, well, an interesting predicament, huh? This? This is This is not a predicament.
If anything, this is a post-dicament.
- Mm-hmm.
- You're a doctor.
I'm an intern.
And we're just gonna - do our jobs.
- For God's sake! I need a doctor! Right, right, right.
There is just one tiny little hiccup.
I keep picturing you naked.
See, that's, uh that's not helpful.
[Chuckles.]
Paramedic: He's in complete organ failure! Let's get him to the O.
R.
All right, you know what? We Let's just We'll put this whole thing behind us, okay? Say Friday night.
My place.
6:30? Okay, yeah.
I-I'm not doing this.
We're not doing this.
This is not being done by us, okay? Okay.
- Ohh, sorry.
- Cardin is here.
Let's go.
They slipped him in the back entrance.
Scholls, talk to me.
He's in 34H.
Mr.
C Drop the razor, maggot! It's Margot! And I'm shaving him for the procedure! Stand down, Doctor! What the hell are you doing, A.
J.
? What do you m-mean? I thought she was Well, she had a razor.
[Gun crumples.]
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am Pierre Cardin.
I would stand up to greet you, but, unfortunately, this gown leaves very little in the way of privacy, no? Don't worry, Monsieur Cardin.
We're doctors.
We've seen it all.
Well, in that case, perhaps Nurse Margot could proceed with her duties.
We just wanted to make sure you were comfortable before your procedure.
Mmm.
Thank you, Doctor.
I appreciate your hospital's discretion with what is admittedly an embarrassing procedure.
But in France, there is an impossible standard of male genital beauty.
Just in the name of making sure your privacy is protected, are you expecting any visitors, so that we can look out for unwanted guests? I have been assured that the only people I will come in contact with is Nurse Margot and the surgeon performing the procedure, Dr.
Autumn Portugal.
[Sighs.]
Of course.
- [Flesh tears.]
- [Yells in French.]
These labs have been tampered with.
Look at his fasting blood sugar.
220 milligrams per deciliter, which puts him in the diabetic range.
Cardin is a diabetic? - Not according to labs - I'm not sensing Don't do that.
Not according to the labs taken two weeks ago at a French hospital.
80 milligrams per deciliter, which is well within the normal range, even for a Frenchman.
If we're about done with the science lesson, could somebody explain to me how this disproves our initial hypothesis? A.
J.
: It means that during the surgery, they're gonna treat him like a diabetic.
They'll pump him full of insulin and he'll never wake up again.
Aah! So whoever tampered with the labs is part of this.
They're signed by a Nurse Jacqueline Margot.
Good work, Charo.
All right, we need to find out if Margot was connected with the Frexit movement and who she's working with.
Charo, Tribeca, put a tail on Margot and find out if she is who she says she is.
Uh, if it's all the same to you, sir, I think A.
J.
should accompany Charo.
I haven't shot anybody in 20 years.
Who knows what this woman is capable of.
Fine.
A.
J.
, Charo, get moving.
Hey.
I don't need you sticking up for me, okay? I screwed up and that's my thing.
But I don't need my mommy to make it better.
That's not what I was doing.
Yeah, it is.
Okay, just watch your back, okay? I think I can handle a middle-aged nurse.
[Grunting.]
[Cheering.]
Man: Get him.
Battle it out.
To the death.
- That was quite a fight.
- Mm-hmm.
But why'd you go so easy on him? I know things.
He's my nephew.
I don't want to hear about it from my sister.
What do you know about Pierre Cardin? None of your damn business.
And who the hell are you? The question is, who are you? Better yet, who have you become? Because those straight teeth tell me you come from a decent, middle-class family.
And those shoes say you married a man you thought you loved and had two beautiful kids, but that neck screams divorce.
And your eyelids, well, it might as well be written on 'em, you're doing things you don't want to be doing for people you don't want to be doing 'em for.
All right, I killed them! I killed all of them! Wait.
All of them? Who else did you kill? I marry old men in the ICU, and then kill them and collect their life insurance.
Isn't that why y'all are here? Wait, so, you're not involved with the Frexit movement trying to kill Pierre Cardin? No, I don't know anything about that.
So, wait.
Then why did you make it look like Cardin's a diabetic? These aren't the labs that I signed.
He's not a diabetic.
What the hell is going on here? That's what we're trying to figure out, and we need to do it before Cardin's surgery tomorrow morning.
Morning? They moved that up to tonight.
Man: Yo, Margot, you're up! Wait, wait, wait.
Wait a minute! Which intern did Dr.
Portugal pick to assist her? The one she's banging, obviously.
Haven't you ever worked in a hospital? [Laughs.]
Move out the way, boys.
[Cheering.]
Scalpel.
Shouldn't we wait for the rest of the surgical team? Oh, Monsieur Cardin was very concerned about his privacy.
He only wanted me in the room.
And I wanted you.
Make your incision, Doctor.
Should I be asleep at this point? I'm a little bit nervous.
Oh, here.
It's easy.
It's just like slicing a pie made of scrotal skin.
That's excellent.
Very nice.
Looks like I chose the right intern.
Tell me it's not just because we slept together.
Oh, you don't want to start this relationship on a lie, do you? Whoa, oh, oh, oh - Whoo-hoo, hoo - [Scalpel clatters.]
[Cardin groans.]
[Monitor beeping.]
Oh, that reminds me.
Cardin is a diabetic, so I had better administer his insulin before his blood sugar gets too high.
Wait, are you sure he's a diabetic? He was eating an awful lot of sweets.
Oh, you know the French.
Plus, trust me, I did the labs myself.
[Sighs.]
Why are all the good ones murderers? Move, move, move! Freeze! [Breathing heavily.]
You heard the man! Stop pushing! [Gun cocks.]
Oh, whoa, what what is going on? Who are you working for? Someone in the French government? A fascist group? You know,Doctor, I don't think I ever got your name.
Yeah, it's funny, because no one knows my real name, but for your pretty eyes, I'll make an exception.
It's Doreen Spittlesworth, but you can call me Angie Tribeca.
[Grunts.]
- What's going on? - It's Portugal.
She was going to kill Cardin, but I stopped her just in time.
[Monitors beeping.]
Shoot.
He's bleeding to death and I just knocked out the only real doctor among us.
I don't know what to do.
I know what to do.
It was in the homework.
Wow, I've never been proud of anyone before.
It feels so good.
Don't get used to it.
Can you just allow me to be your mother for one moment? You got a long way to go before you can use that word and have it mean something.
I'll drag Portugal to the van.
You two get in there.
Suction.
Clamp.
Scalpel.
Damn it, I nicked the urethra! He's peeing out! - More suction damn it! - I'm trying! Clamp.
I can't close it off! I never learned how to tie a knot.
Oh, it's easy.
You just make bunny ears.
Take the bunny around the hedge, put it into its hole - and pull.
- [Beeping stops.]
He's stable.
You did it.
All by yourself.
[Door opens.]
When you're done in here, there's a woman in O.
R.
2 with half a baby hanging out of her toaster.
- Oh! - Tribeca:They say that pretending to be a doctor is easy.
And in a way, they're right.
But what they don't tell you is that pretending to be a doctor is a lot more than just dressing in the scrubs.
You have to be tough, sensitive, courageous, flirty and sometimes all five at the same time.
But in the end, it's definitely the scrubs that convince people.
Oh, my God! Stop summing it all up! All you have to do is tell me who you are and it'll stop.
I'm Doctor Autumn Portugal.
I'm Head of Surgery at the Mustard Clinic.
The thing about first days is Okay, all right, okay! I'm Sara Crouton.
I'm CIA.
And you just let a French spy loose in our country.
What are you talking about? Cardin! He's French Intelligence.
He's part of their active measures campaign to undermine our institutions.
You're wrong.
He's just a diplomat that's trying to hold the European Union together.
Where the hell are you getting your information? Try the Vice President.
Oh, Vice President Joe Perry, who's under congressional investigation? Joe Perry's Vice President? Oh, my God.
He's the one who sent me to prison.
Whose side are you on, anyway? Hey! Oh, sorry.
I didn't know someone was still in here.