Bunk'd (2015) s04e01 Episode Script

1 Gotta love the first day of camp.
The happy kids, the air of excitement (MOSQUITOES BUZZING) the roaming swarms of mosquitoes.
Kids! - Lou! - We're here! FINN: We missed you! Wow, Destiny, how many summers are you staying for? Oh.
These are all my new pageant trophies.
I hope you took my suggestion and installed industrial-strength shelving in the cabins.
I did not.
Finn, what have you been up to? How's Aunt Lorraine? Well, Mom let me graduate from safety scissors.
Still working my way up the learning curve.
Attaboy.
And I grew half an inch, as I'm sure you all noticed.
Totally! - Right away! - I was like, "Is this guy on stilts?" How does it feel to be the new camp director? Well, I just fished a very buttery chipmunk out of the popcorn machine, so I think the word is "empowering.
" Any way we can help? I mean, there were three Rosses, and only one of you.
Actually, you can help me welcome the newbies.
I think I see one now.
- Hi! - (STARTLED GASP) What's your name? (WHISPERS) Gwen.
(WHISPERS) Why are we whispering? (WHISPERS) Am I whispering? (WHISPERS) A little bit.
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Go ahead and speak up.
(YELLING) You got it! Whoa, there.
Appreciate the effort, but dial it back just a scooch.
(SIGHS) Sorry.
I've just never been around so many people before.
It's kind of scary.
Have you never been to camp? I've never really been anywhere.
I grew up in the woods.
Oh, I've heard about this.
It's called living "off the grid.
" Exactly.
What's a grid? It just means you don't have electricity.
Or the Internet.
(GASPS) Shh.
I know, I know.
I have so much to teach you! Well, good news.
Looks like Gwen's a Woodchuck.
Yay! Come on, I'll show you our cabin.
Fun fact.
That is Woodchuck cabin now.
And that's Grizzly.
Here? On this side of camp? Why are we moving into new cabins? Guys, camp is about embracing change.
What kind of director would I be if I didn't expand your comfort zones? Did the cabins burn down again? Nope, big old sinkhole, followed by a giant rainstorm and then a mudslide that filled in the sinkhole, so happy ending.
Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Finn, Matteo, meet your new counselor, Noah.
- Nice to meet you.
- How's it going? Let me guess, you must be Finn and you must be Matteo.
Other way around.
Oh.
Has anyone ever told you guys you don't look like yourselves? Noah's an actor.
He's gonna be our new drama specialist, something we've never had before.
And he has lots of camp experience.
Yup, I was in the movie Summer Camp Part VI: Slam Bunk.
I played Kid Who Falls in Lake.
Cool! But you do have other camp experience? Nope, not a stitch.
Note to self, add that question to the application.
But, I guess at this point, you're my only option.
That's what the casting director from Summer Camp VI said! Good luck.
Okay, guys, let's huddle up, get to know each other, really dig dip.
I'm not supposed to anymore.
I've been giving myself nosebleeds.
No, I I mean emotionally deep.
It's an acting exercise.
You look into each other's eyes and say, "I see you, man.
" You're making me uncomfortable.
That's good.
That's where the growth happens.
Can we unpack now? We don't want to get to know each other too fast.
It can cause, um, cramping! Good point.
Let's settle in, then we can do more acting exercises.
Ew, have you not washed your clothes since last summer? Of course not.
That's how they lose their shape.
Girls, look who I found.
Like literally found wandering around by the dock.
I was so lost.
Everyone kept saying Woodchuck was the brown building with all the trees around it.
That is all the buildings! This is Ava, your new counselor.
Hi! Oh! (CHUCKLES SARDONICALLY) No offense, but I'm just a big city girl.
If a stranger tries to hug you in my neighborhood, they're usually trying to steal your wallet.
Well, this is Woodchuck neighborhood, where hugs are just hugs and we don't scare our campers.
This is Destiny and this is Gwen.
Since you're a first-time counselor, I didn't want to overload you with too many campers.
Is this your first time at camp, like me? I've only ever been to city camp.
What's city camp? It's kind of like regular camp, but when you're looking for cool bugs, you're riding the subway.
What's a subway? I like you, you're weird.
Well, Ava, not to brag, but Woodchuck cabin is the best cabin.
And I should know, I've been one my whole camp career.
We even have our own salute.
(BOTH CHITTERING) Ah, that's so adorable! I will never do that.
And we have our own mascot.
Meet Woody.
Looks like someone tried to barbecue him.
Yeah, he's a survivor.
Ignoring the fact that he's dead.
None of us are perfect.
Well, anyway, dibs on this bunk.
Uh, Lou? Woodchuck rules.
If you want this one, you have to arm-wrestle me, and mama's been pumping hay bales all spring.
Uh, Ava's our counselor now.
Shouldn't you be sleeping in the director's cabin? Oh, right.
Force of habit.
(CHUCKLES) I'll go there, now.
Hey, why don't I give you a hand? Thanks, Ava.
That's really nice.
Sure.
Also, I'm not super comfortable being left alone with kids.
Another question to add to the application.
Whoa! I don't think anyone's been in here since Gladys left.
Ah, sure, it could use a little TLC, but at least you get to live alone.
You're at camp, why would you ever want to live alone? I grew up with five older brothers.
The only time I ever got any privacy was when I fell down that manhole.
Until the mole people found me.
They're so chatty! What's this? (GASPS) It's a note from Emma.
Who's Emma? Only my best friend, and a Woodchuck, and the coolest person in the whole, wide world and I realize now I'm shouting but darn it, it's my love language! "Hi, Lou.
I guess you're moving in to your new cabin.
Hope you change up the vibe.
Right now the inspo is very spider paradise.
I just wanted to wish you luck with your crazy big new job.
(SNIFFS AND GAGS) Being the boss is a giant responsibility, but I know you can handle all the supes huge problems and challenges "you're about to be faced with.
" No presh, but it's all up to you now.
X-O-X-O, Emma.
" Yikes.
When you put it that way, being camp director sounds pretty impossible.
I know.
Well, good luck with that.
Uh, I'll let you unpack and handle that dead possum that's under your bed.
I'll say one thing about camp.
Lot of smells.
Ahhh! What happened? I turned the lights on.
Whoa! I've heard about these.
A magic wall lever! It's called a light switch.
- Can I try? - Sure.
This is amazing.
I thought indoor lighting was a myth.
Like electric toothbrushes and redheads! You know, there actually are electric toothbrushes and redheads, and redheads who use electric toothbrushes.
(SIGHS) I guess I'm going to have to get used to all this stuff.
Technology is pretty cool.
It makes life so much easier.
Uh, watch.
Whoa, is that a wind pistol? It's called a blow-dryer.
And this is called a fan.
(ELECTRICITY POWERS DOWN) And that's called a blown fuse.
- Huh? - The electricity's out.
What? Magic go bye-bye.
Oh! Om.
Om.
- (MOUTHING) - Om.
And that's what we call mindfulness.
A lot of actors use meditation to stay focused.
It's how they learn all their lines for their big roles.
I assume.
(YAWNS) Well, I guess we should get some shut-eye.
We can't go to sleep yet! We haven't shared our highs and lows.
Who wants to go first? I will.
My high was when I climbed that flag pole.
My low was when I fell into that hole.
Not actual highs and lows.
The high and low points of your day.
My high was getting to hear all day long about everything that actors do.
My low was realizing that now we know everything about actors, tomorrow we'll just have to do regular camp stuff.
(SIGHS DEEPLY) Oh, well.
Oh, no, my friend, there's much more where that came from.
(PAINED) Yay! Okay, Grizzlies, lights out.
(TROMBONE PLAYING TAPS) What are you doing? Oh, I like to end my days with a little sweet trombone.
It helps me fall asleep.
It's helping me stay awake.
Sorry.
I'll go into the bathroom.
(TROMBONE CONTINUES) (TOILET FLUSHES) (PLAYING CONTINUES) - (TROMBONE PLAYING REVEILLE) - (GASPS) Is someone playing a trombone again? Maybe he hasn't heard of roosters.
Okay.
So, I know I'm new at this whole taking-care-of-kids thing, but last time I checked, I only have two campers.
So, who is that? Ooh! Morning, Woodchucks.
Girls, why don't you go get ready for breakfast? So, boss, happy to have you, but what are you doing here? I just thought it might be a good idea to stay around for awhile.
Just until you learn the ropes.
What's there to learn? You keep them alive and then you collect your check at the end of the summer.
You're a real find.
Ava! Destiny's trying to burn my hair off.
It's just a curling iron.
Keep that fire wand away from me! It's okay, Gwen, I'll brush your hair.
Why? It's not Christmas.
Hey, why not let me get them ready and you can get a little more sleep.
Really? Wow! If sleeping is one of my duties, I am way more qualified for this job than I thought.
Knock-knock.
Is Lou in here? Temporarily.
Jeez, off my back.
I was just in the mess hall.
The cook quit.
He got upset by all the complaints about dinner.
Really? Ravi never had that problem.
Because he was such a good cook? No, he was terrible, but he was great at taking criticism.
Hi, I'm Noah.
- Ava.
- Where are you from, Ava? - Let's not do this.
- Okey-doke.
So, what are we doing today? Shouldn't you do something about breakfast first? I'll set out some cold cuts.
And for lunch? If I leave 'em out, people cam come back later for warm cuts.
Problem solver.
And then you'll hire a new cook, right? Of course.
After I take you and Gwen kayaking.
What's kayaking? Does it involve a yak? - No? - Still in.
This is called a "trust walk.
" It's one of my favorite acting exercises.
Maybe, instead, could we do camping exercises? Acting applies to all aspects of life.
This is gonna bring us closer as a cabin.
Now, Finn, your job is to guide Matteo around camp.
Matteo, your job is to trust Finn.
Can we switch jobs? You need to surrender to the process.
Okay.
Have fun, guys.
Wait, aren't you coming? The baby birds can't learn how to fly if the mama bird is near.
That's not scientifically accurate.
Come on, let's go.
Step up.
Careful, there's a door there.
Found it.
- Step.
Step.
- (SQUELCHING) - Step.
- Ew! I feel like I stepped on something squishy.
Oh, you did.
Ooh, pretty! Finn? Finn? Come on! Finn, where Ahhh! (SHRIEKING) What are you doing? Finn, you can't just run away.
This is a trust walk! And obviously you can't be trusted.
Are you okay? No, I'm not having fun at camp this year.
Me neither.
I think it's because of our new counselor.
(SIGHS) You mean our new acting teacher? I miss Ravi.
Me too.
I wish things could go back to the way they were.
Yeah.
Camp is so fun! Hiking and archery.
It's all the things I do at home, but here, no one's doing them so they won't die.
If you had told me we were going to end the day at Mud Mountain, I would have worn old clothes.
You don't have any old clothes.
I do now.
Well, I guess I'll go take a bath in the lake before I go to bed.
Can't you just take a shower? Are you talking about our rain closet? It's still broken.
Lou, you were supposed to call a plumber.
I will.
Soon.
But for now you guys can just hose yourselves down, and then, ghost stories! Ooh, fun! Can Ava come? Where is Ava? All her things are gone.
But where do you think she went? AVA: (OVER PA) What is this thing? Hello? (IN SING-SONG VOICE) Hello? If I had to guess, I'd say she's accidentally using the PA system in the director's cabin.
(FEEDBACK OVER PA) AVA: Hey, weird thing, find restaurants near me.
Best garlic bread in Maine.
What are you doing in here? Definitely not finding an Italian place that delivers.
You're supposed to be looking after the Woodchucks.
Really? It kind of seemed like you had that covered.
Okay, yes, I may have taken over your job a little bit, but I can't be a counselor.
I have a camp to run.
Then, why aren't you running it? I don't know! (COUGHING) Look, I don't usually ask leading questions, because those tend to lead to emotions, and, you know Gross.
But why can't you let go of being a Woodchuck? Don't you want to be director? Of course I do.
Owning Camp Kikiwaka is a dream come true.
It's like finding out your prize sheep is having twins and neither one of them is breach.
You and I have very different dreams.
But being a Woodchuck is something I already know I'm good at.
It's all I've ever been.
What if I try at being a leader and I fail? But you've been a counselor before.
You know how to be a leader.
Yeah, but not the leader of everything.
And now I don't have Emma, or Ravi or Zuri.
I just don't know if I can do this alone.
Lou - (BOTH PANTING) - Guys, what's wrong? It's Noah.
He's left camp! "Dearest boys, it is with great sadness that I must take my leave of you and return at once, on foot, to my home, the City of Angels.
" Be brave and go forth and I hope you like your new counselor more than you liked me.
With great affection, Noah.
PS Sorry this note sounds funny.
I recently watched a movie about the Civil War and I can't get it out of my head.
" He can't walk to Los Angeles.
That's almost 4,000 miles away! I hope he brought a refreshing beverage.
We need to organize a search party.
Do I have to be in it? I barely know him.
Although, he was growing on me.
I can help.
I've been tracking animals since I was two.
Your parents let you do that? Hey, babies got to eat.
Okay, it's gonna be dark soon.
Everyone, go get your flashlights.
I'll grab some provisions in case we're out there for a while.
Now, fly like the wind.
We're burning daylight and the darkness of night brings great peril! What? I saw the same movie.
I walked a mile, which only leaves No service left to go.
I sure hope I'm headed in the right direction.
This is just like Summer Camp Part IV: Lost in the Woods.
(WOLF HOWLING) Really wish I'd seen that one! What's she doing? I don't know.
What's she doing? I don't know.
What's she doing? I don't know.
What's she doing? I don't know.
What you doing? Looking for footprints.
- I think he went this way.
- How do you know? Broken twigs, footprints.
Also, there's a trombone.
What trombone? (TROMBONE PLAYING TAPS) That trombone.
- Noah! - Oh, you found me! I was so lost.
I do not do well in the woods.
What did I ask on that application? Why did you leave? Because I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm a terrible counselor.
Why would you think that? We kind of said it.
But we didn't mean for Noah to hear.
And that doesn't mean we want you to leave.
No.
You were right.
I'm gonna ruin your summer.
I'll never be as good as Ravi.
You're brand-new at this.
Don't give up so easily.
And it's okay that you miss your old counselor.
I miss Emma every day.
And I miss Zuri.
Although, she would have eaten you alive.
And I miss garlic bread.
ALL: We know! Just so you know, Ravi wasn't perfect.
He was a terrible cook.
And he had a giant, smelly lizard living under his bed.
Actually, that was pretty cool.
He was kind of weird, but we were used to him.
We just need to get used to your kind of weird.
I just want you guys to have fun at camp.
Well, it would help if you didn't talk about actor stuff all the time.
I can do that.
Of course you can.
And we'll help.
What I can't do is find my way back to camp, and I really need to use the bathroom.
You can go outside, too.
Where else would you go? Inside? Wait, you can go inside? Whoa! Well, Lou, I hope you were listening to yourself out there.
Uh-oh, was my nose whistling again? It's a very routine surgery, but who has the time? I meant when you told Noah that he's brand-new at his job and he shouldn't give up so easily.
I said that? I am a very wise woman.
And you're going to be a great camp director.
How do you know? The way you took charge and organized everyone in a crisis? You're a good leader already.
And, for the record, you're not doing this alone.
You have us.
I do? Yup.
And also the boys.
(CHUCKLES DRYLY) But they're less help.
Well, thanks, guys.
I'll pack up my things and move back into the director's cabin tomorrow.
For good.
And, by the way, Gwen, the way you tracked Noah without any technology was amazing.
Gwen? Is that my phone? If this is "the grid," put me on it! ALL: Surprise! Guys! You did all this for me? Ava cleaned, I decorated, and Gwen exterminated Once we got her to stop using the filters on my phone.
My face turned into a puppy! Did you boys help, too? Nope, we're useless! And we have one more thing for you, too.
You're giving me Woody? But he belongs in the Woodchuck cabin.
He belongs with a Woodchuck.
And it doesn't matter what cabin you sleep in, once a Woodchuck, always a Woodchuck.
(ALL CHITTERING) You did the salute! Ava, we can hone your technique later.
But you did it! Get over here, you useless knuckleheads.