Dawn of the Croods (2015) s04e01 Episode Script

1 [Eep.]
Hi.
We're the Croods of Ahhh! Valley, and we love our neighbors.
- [blows landing.]
- [clamoring.]
They think my dad stole all the food they saved for cold season.
- But, actually, it was Gurg - [blows raspberry.]
this crazy weirdo who wanted revenge on my dad.
- Easy mistake - [all chattering.]
which is about to get us rocked up for life.
[Eep.]
Let us go! My dad didn't do it, and we didn't help him.
It was Gurg! Gurg? That not even name.
Real caveman name Clop or Bort.
Yeah, I'm Bort.
Not sure my name's come up before, though.
Amber, you met Gurg, remember? That guy exactly as handsome as me? Amber no think so, and Amber remember everyone ever meet.
- Right, Clop? - I'm Bort.
[all grunt.]
Please.
You gotta believe us.
Grug, come on.
Help us look sad.
Forget it.
They falsely accused me, a truly, truly great leader, a really, really awesome friend, and a very, very generous high-fiver? So long as I still have my pride, they will not see me grovel.
You're right.
I should grovel.
Grovel! [all grunt.]
Wait.
What if you're wrong? And some innocent Croods spend their whole lives in rock-up? - I could live with that.
- But wouldn't you want to know you tried all you could to find the truth? [gasps.]
We should have a try-all to determine our fate.
Just give us a chance to prove we're innocent.
Grovel, grovel? [grunts.]
[Amber.]
Order.
Order! Amber order attention as try-all begin.
Amber will be judge since Amber already judge all you silently.
This Croods' last chance to prove not guilty.
And Amber first chance to play with fun bone! [laughs.]
Oh, great.
Now we're dragging out my shame.
How exactly is this gonna save us, Eep? I will figure that out by the time I stop talking.
Nope.
Nothing yet.
[growls.]
Yep, that's Gurg, all right.
Nice job picking up his scent, Sandy.
[giggles.]
[sneezes.]
Oh, sorry you picked up so much other gunk too.
Now let's nab this Crood-framing bozo.
[snoring.]
- [squelches.]
- [grunts.]
[strains.]
Oh, for - [bird caws.]
- [grunts.]
Well, look what we have here.
Don't you hurt us, weirdo, or we'll helplessly struggle you to death.
Hurt? Why would I hurt my family? [both.]
Hmm? Cave ladies and gentle cavemen.
I stand corrected.
[growls.]
If the Croods wish to defend themselves, I shall offend them.
You know what offends me? Your breath.
[laughs.]
Croo-yah! That's Grug for you.
Loves stealing things.
Attention.
Food! - [all mutter.]
- [Snoot clears throat.]
I'd like to call my first witness who saw Grug steal the food.
What was his name? Oh, right.
It was everyone here.
Everyone, is that traitor at this try-all? If so, please jeer at him.
[all.]
Boo! Boo! I'm sorry.
Snoot's really persuasive.
Grug stole all our food for the cold season.
He's guilty.
And also, he's ugly.
Come on, people.
I am still your leader.
You'd really believe your own dumb eyes over my yelling face? [all clamoring.]
Grug, you're not helping.
Yeah.
We need proof, not yells.
Uh, Eep, I got this.
Amber, I'd like to question my first witness.
A man who's gonna crack this whole case wide open.
Please state your name and job.
[clears throat.]
Uh, Grug Crood, truly, truly great leader.
Did you steal the food? No.
Is Snoot an idiot? [sighs.]
Yes.
And may I say, you're crushing it.
Thanks, pal.
Give me five.
You'd have to be pretty dim not to be convinced by that.
- [laughs.]
- [all boo.]
[Gurg laughs.]
My baby.
[grunts.]
And my wife? Old baby? Talking skeleton? Eh, we'll figure it out.
What matters is, my revenge against Grug went so well, you've realized I'm better than him and you wanna live with me now.
I mean, you are either here to join my family or to drag me back to justice.
[mutters.]
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
- Da-da.
- Oh, that's right.
Hush little baby, don't say a word Your daddy's here And his name is Gurg [grunts happily.]
Aw, you're hungry again.
Let me get you something to eat.
Wow, Sandy.
I never thought you'd sell out faster than me.
[grunts.]
Oh, I see.
We'll lull him into a false sense of security, then eat him.
Oh, right.
We trap him so we can bring him back home and save our family.
I don't scheme well on an empty stomach.
[shrieks.]
You're not gonna get away that easily From this hug! Order! Order! - We need a new strategy.
- I've got it.
Now, the food you claim my dad took, how heavy would you say it was? I'd say three boulders and a Womp.
A-ha! Then my dad's innocent.
He can't lift that much weight.
Allow me to demonstrate.
Hello.
Wait, what Aah! [groans.]
[all gasp.]
I'm small but dense.
If he can't lift the food, he's an innocent Crood.
Amber swayed by Eep rhyme.
- Amber hereby declare Croods can go - Hold on.
[screams.]
[chortles.]
I'd like to crossly examine the witness.
[grunts, knees rattle.]
So, Grug, if you can't lift three rocks and a small child, is it fair to say you're weak? What? And, ow.
For someone who calls himself a truly, truly great leader, you must admit this is truly, truly pathetic.
- I'll show you pathetic! - [all gasp.]
[Snoot laughs.]
If he lifts the weight, he must be great.
At stealing.
- [grunts loudly.]
- [Womp.]
Whee! Amber seen enough.
Amber know Croods long time.
Amber believe Croods no deserve life in rock-up.
- [all sigh.]
- Thank you, Amber.
[shouts.]
Croods deserve death by molar bear! [all scream.]
Wow, this is a long hug.
Like an almost weirdly long hug.
Which I say is the best kind.
You're both still breathing though, right? [both agree.]
I've over-hugged before.
Oh, hug us all you want.
We missed you so much.
- So, you are my wife? - [Gran smooching.]
We wanna make sure you can't get away.
Hey, what's going on? [shouts.]
Is this what family bonding is? I legitimately do not know.
Ha! What's going on is you're just as ugly as Grug and twice as dumb.
- [blows raspberry.]
- [both.]
Whoo! [exclaims.]
Dang it.
Once again, a victory high-five has been my undoing.
Hmm.
What best hole for death? [roars, growls.]
Amber have winner! Wait, wait.
Did the Grug you see have eyebrows? Because my husband - does not.
- [Grug shrieks.]
- Why would you? - [Amber mutters.]
Everyone just see Ugga do that.
[groans.]
Uh! Okay, it time.
But Amber not completely heartless.
Let you decide which Crood get eaten first.
[sighs.]
Dad, you were right.
This try-all was a dumb idea.
No, Eep, I blew it.
I kept letting my pride get in the way.
The only dumb one here is is me! Wait.
I would like to make an appeal to Snoot.
Tell me, Snoot, how would you describe Grug Crood? Well, I hate to say this since you're about to be eaten, but you're a clumsy oaf who smells bad and is, without a doubt, the dumbest buffoon in Ahhh! Valley.
And the story told today is that I crafted an elaborate plot to sneak into your caves while you slept to steal your food? It's no story, it's what happened.
I see.
But would a clumsy oaf be able to sneak into caves without knocking anything over? Not unless you stole from someone without ears, eyes, and a brain.
- [all.]
Ooh! - [snaps fingers.]
- And since my odor's so rank, - [groans.]
would not a fine-nosed man like yourself smell me coming? From across the valley.
- [all.]
Ooh! - [snaps.]
So, do you honestly believe that such an elaborate plan could have come from the dumbest buffoon in the valley? Of course not.
You're way too dumb.
[all gasp.]
If his brain's too dumb, let him go.
- He is too dumb.
- That didn't even rhyme.
Free the dummies! There you have it, folks.
My dad is clumsy, smelly, dumb, and innocent! [Croods.]
Yeah! [Gran.]
You're darn right he's innocent! - [all scream.]
- [crashing.]
Huh? Huh? What did I tell you? Two incredibly handsome Grugs.
[laughs.]
Evil, good.
Evil, good.
Evil good! Valley sorry we rock up innocent Grug.
Make things right by rocking up guilty Grug.
- Croods do honors? - Whoa, let's talk about this.
Can't you find it in your handsome face to forgive my handsome face? Hmm, well, Eep did show me that everyone deserves a try-all.
Oh, Gurg's guilty, no question.
- In that case, so long, jerk me! - [Gurg grunts.]
[all cheer.]
Rock me up, but I, Gurg Dork, will be back.
Actually, this place is nice.
Maybe I won't be back.
We will see! [Eep.]
Ah, Valley Shine Day.
- The most romantic day in Ahhh! Valley.
- [screams.]
It traces back to the moon's love of the sun, who usually won't give him the time of day.
But, once in a while, it'll blow him a kiss, making him blush so hard, he shines down on the valley.
[Thunk.]
Ha! [gasps.]
Flowers.
Ooh, my favorite.
Ah! I wish our families weren't enemies.
Then we could proclaim our like to the whole valley! I know, my dear.
But just remember, this is all in your head.
In real life, I have only ever indicated that I don't like you.
You should really pay attention.
Pay attention.
Pay attention! - [Squawk.]
Pay attention! - Huh? Huh?! - [class laughs.]
- [Squawk.]
About time.
I started to worry I'd actually have to walk over there.
Go on with your announcement, Crood girl.
Or don't.
Either way, I'm going to sleep.
[snores.]
As head of the Valley Shine Day planning team, I wanna remind you all that the dance is tonight.
Uh, the dance? Will there be girls there? You're around girls right now.
[shrieks.]
This will be the most romantic night of our lives.
Anything could happen.
With anyone.
With anyone? Hmm.
- That could mean Blurg.
- Duh, brain.
I figured that out.
Oh, well, I'm here if you need me.
Hap Happy Valley Shine Day to you too, Eep.
Listen, there's this girl I wanna ask to the dance, but I need some advice.
Sorry.
Busy.
I always pictured my perfect romantic moment with Kevin.
- I wanna stay like - this forever.
If your heads are always on each other's shoulders, it would take, like, a lot of communication, coordination.
Uh, my point is tonight, I can make that moment real.
So everything at this party must be perfect.
Well, then you're gonna need the most fun part of any party.
The Chickuna dance! [sings.]
- [Thunk.]
Chickuna! - [groans.]
The Chickuna dance is not gonna win Kevin over.
Or anyone over.
[girls giggling.]
It's a picture of a bear owl, and it says, "I couldn't bear to be with owl you.
" I don't get it.
There's just something about him that's irresistible.
Hmm Kevin, my good man, why do girls find you irresistible? You noticed? [laughs.]
Of course, you did.
Well, I've got three things going for me.
One, hair that just won't quit.
[Thunk.]
Whoa! My hair never quits.
[grunts.]
Two, my infinitely dreamy eyes.
[chitters.]
And three, my vibe.
I'm all, like, whatever.
Oh, yes.
That is the one way you and I are different.
You're cool, distant, unenthusiastic about everything.
And girls dig that? - Whatever.
- Ah, I see.
So, will you teach me how to "Kevin"? [screeching.]
We're gonna make a fun pair, you and I.
The key to Kevin-ing is to be less you.
Got it.
Be less me.
Look, a cloud! And it kind of looks like a chickuna.
[sings.]
Oh, oh.
- That was pretty Thunk-y of me, huh? - Indeed.
To be as Kevin, one must purge all such feelings from one's body.
Let us begin that process now.
We'll be finished once you can stare upon cuteness and "whatever.
" Aw! Its chirps sound like kisses in my brain.
[babbles.]
Good.
Let it all out.
Become Kevin.
Aw! He's so cute, I Aw! [laughs.]
Yeah, I'm gonna get you.
I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya [groans.]
[grunts.]
[laughs crazily.]
[chirping softly.]
Whatever.
Whatever indeed.
Go to her.
[shrieks, thuds.]
[moans.]
Hey, buzztles, I'm bored, so you're gonna be hiveless.
[Thunk.]
Time to Kevin.
And what would Kevin do? Let her make the first move.
[grunts, groans.]
Now that's how you get the ladies.
- [gasps.]
- [Thunk groans.]
Ugh.
What are you doing here? Hey.
Just being whatever.
Huh.
You do seem different.
- You dropped that on purpose.
- Did I? Oh, well, now I'm not sure.
Your school's having a dance tonight? [coughs.]
Beats me.
I didn't care enough to read that.
Well, dance sounds better than what I had planned.
See you there.
Yeah! [sings.]
No, no.
I just can't stop being Thunk-y.
Finally, ha! Just how I pictured it.
Kevin's gonna find this so romantic, don't you think? [shrieks.]
I only prepared to talk to girls, not be touched by one.
Hey, did someone say my name? [chomping.]
- Womp! - Hey.
Quit eating my mood lighting.
Great.
Now they're on the fritz.
Oh, um I got this for you.
Can I pin it on your pelt? It's a free valley.
[grunts.]
- Looks like you're bleeding.
- Yeah, I totally am.
- Well, what do you wanna do first? - It's all the same to me.
Really? It's totally my decision? You decide if it's your decision.
Huh, great! Then let's party.
[Thunk.]
You are crushing this! High-five! [shouts.]
Shouldn't get too close to the action 'cause people get all upset when they see me destroy their happiness.
But we can have plenty of fun back here.
Now wanna grab a bite to eat, and then steal the rest for later? Uh [Thunk.]
She touched your hand.
Be cool.
- Don't blow this for me slash us.
- You read my mind.
[shrieks.]
[chomping.]
- Huh? You ate all the food? - [screeching.]
[all clamoring.]
Hey! Hey, hey, hey, stop! Ugh! This is not how I pictured things.
Hey.
Hey? Eep's totally ignoring me.
She's being so Kevin right now.
And I find that irresistible.
[groans.]
Let go of me! Ha ha! Dinner and a fight? This night just keeps getting better.
Gotta say, I wasn't sure about you, but you're actually somewhat okay.
Noted.
Okay, uh So, wanna dance or something? Easy, Thunk.
We've come so far.
Whatever.
Whatever? What just happened? Beats me.
Go ask your belly button.
He never does anything.
Hey, hey, don't drag me into this.
[groans.]
This music is all wrong! Can you please stop head banging? Hey, Eep.
Wanna dance? [gasps.]
This is just how I pictured it.
Uh, actually, we should be over there, where the lighting's better.
Sorry.
It's still not the perfect moment.
Lay your head my shoulder.
[Kevin.]
Mm-hm.
Uh, wrong shoulder.
[chuckles.]
[scoffs.]
Almost perfect.
But don't breathe so weird.
Ugh, forget it.
There's no such thing as a perfect moment.
Only perfect guys.
And this one will catch you on the flip side.
[all cheer.]
[sighs.]
This dance couldn't get any worse.
This dance is about to get a lot worse.
You ready to stink this place up? What's she doing? She's gonna ruin the dance.
Wait, remember what Kevin said.
Stay "whatever," or you'll lose her.
Guys, focus on the real issue.
Who's gonna clean the lint out of me? [gasps.]
No! [grunts.]
[explosion.]
[belches.]
[coughs.]
[all cheer.]
I'm sorry.
This is who I really am.
I'm excitable and emotional, and my breath smells so bad right now.
And in general.
So, do you want dance with me or what? Aah! It's a Brood.
Get her! - [sighs.]
- Eeh.
Looks like we both had rough nights.
I think this calls for - [snaps fingers.]
- [music begins.]
- [belches.]
- [groans.]
Is it really that bad? [belches.]
[sniffs.]
[moans, thuds.]
[gasps.]
"Dear Thunk, glad I got to see the real you.
"Happy Valley Shine's Day, stink face.
Blurg.
" Ahh! [coughs, thuds.]