Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999) s04e01 Episode Script

1
BL-BL-BL-BL-YEAH.
[SLURPING]
BROTHER ROLF, ARE YOU
TRYING TO WEASEL OU
OF YOUR FRIENDSHIP DUTIES?
NO. NO.
[MUMBLING]
FIDDLE-DE-DEE.
I WAS JUST PULLING YOUR
LEG, SILLY. THANK YOU.
FRIENDSHIP IS ALL ABOU
FRIENDS WORKING TOGETHER.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, BROTHER JONNY?
YOU BET YOUR SWEE
PATOOTIE, BROTHER JIMMY.
THIS PAPIER-MACHE HEAR
WAS A GREAT IDEA, BROTHER JIMMY.
Jimmy: SISTER SARAH?
YES, BROTHER JIMMY?
GOTCHA!
[ALL LAUGHING]
YOU LITTLE RASCAL, YOU.
[LAUGHING]
I LOVE YOU, TOO, BUDDY.
Nazz: HEY, THAT'S SO COOL, GUYS.
Jimmy: OH. OH,
HI, NAZZ. HI, KEVIN.
JOIN US, WON'T YOU?
IT'S FRIENDSHIP DAY.
AW, THAT'S SO CUTE, JIMMY.
MMM.
WHAT A BORE.
Jonny: WHOOPEE! ALL
DONE, BROTHER JIMMY!
HUH?
HURRY! COME SEE! IT'S BEAUTIFUL!
ISN'T IT ADORABLE, KEVIN?
WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
[MUMBLING]
Kevin: ROLF. NOT YOU, TOO?
LET'S HOLD HANDS, BROTHER KEVIN,
AND SING AN ODE OF
JOY TO FRIENDSHIP.
HIT IT, BROTHER JIMMY.
Jimmy: WHEN YOU STUB YOUR TOE
AND IT HURTS, YOU KNOW
All: FRIENDS ARE
THERE TO HELP YOU ♪
WHEN YOU TRIP ON YOUR FACE ♪
AND YOUR TEETH ARE MISPLACED ♪
FRIENDS ARE
THERE TO HELP YOU ♪
WHEN YOU'RE FLYIN' LOW
AND YOU'RE GIVING A SHOW ♪
FRIENDS ARE
THERE TO HELP YOU ♪
WHEN YOU TAKE OFF YOUR
SHOE AND YOUR FEET STINK ♪
PEE YEW!
FRIENDS ARE
THERE TO HELP YOU ♪
SECOND VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST.
GET WITH THE GROOVE, DOUBLE D.
JUJUBES! DON'T MIND IF I DO.
LOOK AT THE SIZE OF
THAT WHATEVER-THAT-IS.
IT'S ABOUT TIME THE
DORKS SHOWED UP.
Eddy: HA HA HA! IS THAT A HEART?
YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
IT'S SO DELICATE.
AND RED.
Edd: I THINK IT'S A
LOVELY ADDITION.
TO OUR CUL-DE-SAC.
ISN'T IT PRECIOUS?
COME ON, EDDY.
QUIT BEING SUCH A
MR. GRUMPY PANTS.
IT'S FRIENDSHIP DAY!
JUST REACH OU
AND TOUCH SOMEONE.
WHATEVER YOU SAY, FRIEND.
Jimmy: HEY! HEY!
I'VE BEEN WEDGIED!
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
[SOBBING]
THAT'S IT, ED! I'M TELLING MOM!
UH-OH.
AW, LIGHTEN UP. IT WAS A JOKE.
Nazz: HEY, GUYS.
WASN'T THERE A PAINTBRUSH
HERE A SECOND AGO?
HUH?
I BET ED TOOK IT!
[SIGH]
HAVE I EVER MENTIONED YOU
HAVE IMPECCABLE TIMING, EDDY?
HERE WE GO!
Sarah: YOU STOLE MY
PAINTBRUSH, ED! GIVE IT BACK!
PAINTBRUSH?
WHOA!
ED DIDN'T TAKE YOUR STUPID
PAINTBRUSH, SHERLOCK.
THINGS ARE PICKING UP.
BOY, PLANK, WHY WOULD ED
WANT TO STEAL A PAINTBRUSH?
HOLY COW!
SOMEBODY WIPED
OFF PLANK'S MOUTH!
Kevin: NO WAY.
OF ALL THE ROTTEN
LUCK, HUH, BUDDY?
OH, DEAR. UM PERHAPS
IT'S BEEN ABSORBED
BY PLANK'S PERMEABLE
FIBROUS COMPOSITION.
GET ME A CRAYON,
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
WHAT'S THAT RAG IN
YOUR POCKET, DOUBLE D?
RAG?
IS THAT PLANK'S MOUTH STAIN?
DOUBLE D, HOW COULD YOU?
OH, COME ON, PEOPLE.
WANT TO ERASE PLANK'S MOUTH?
RAG!
Jimmy: HEAVENS TO BETSY!
LOOK!
SEE? FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
Kevin: SOMETHING
REEKS AROUND HERE.
WHAT?
WHAT'S YOUR NAME
DOING ON THIS STICK, EDDY?
NAME?
Eddy: HEY, DON'T LOOK AT ME!
YOU'RE THE JOCK
BOY. I SAY, YOU DID IT.
Edd: I REALLY MUST PROTEST.
YOUR ACCUSATIONS ARE
PURELY BASED ON CONJECTURE.
WHY, WE WOULD NEVER
ZIP IT, MOUTH-WIPER-OFFER!
YEAH! LIKE, WE'RE GONNA
BELIEVE PAINTBRUSH STEALERS!
Nazz: OR HOCKEY-STICK-THROWERS.
YOU GUYS SHOULD BE ASHAMED
OF YOURSELVES BLAMING KEVIN.
THAT'S SO IMMATURE, DUDES.
Jimmy: HOOLIGANS.
YEAH. WHAT HE SAID.
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?
THANKS FOR DORKING UP
AN OTHERWISE DULL DAY.
[GIGGLING]
Kevin: DORKS.
Eddy: WE'RE
INNOCENT, I TELL YOU.
YOU GUYS GOT TO TRUST US!
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO RIP YOU OFF
IF YOU DON'T TRUST US?
WELL, THIS IS A
FINE KETTLE OF FISH.
WHAT COULD A STAINED RAG
BE DOING IN MY BACK POCKET?
IT SURE WASN'T PICKLING DAISIES.
QUIT BEING SUCH A
PIGEON, DOUBLE D.
THEY TRIED TO SET US UP.
I'M NOT READY TO
ACCEPT THAT, EDDY,
AT LEAST NOT WITHOU
ESTABLISHING A MOTIVE
WHY SOMEONE WOULD WAN
TO IMPLICATE ED, YOU, AND I
WITH SUCH CONTEMPTIBLE
WRONGDOINGS.
NOW, LET'S SEE.
WELL, IT COULDN'
HAVE BEEN JIMMY.
Eddy: I WOULDN'
PUT MONEY ON THAT.
EVERYBODY'S JEALOUS OF OUR
TALENTS, CHARM, AND GOOD LOOKS,
AND JIMMY'S ONE OF THEM.
WELL, SARAH WOULDN'
HAVE THE PATIENCE TO
SARAH HATES US.
OK. THEN THERE'S JONNY.
HE SECRETLY HATES US.
NAZZ?
WELL, YOU.
THANK YOU FOR REINFORCING
THAT PHOBIA, EDDY.
WELL, LAST BUT NO
LEAST, THERE'S KEVIN,
AND HE HATES US.
I KNOW WHO DID IT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, ED?
THE OFFENDER STOOD HERE
AS THEY PILFERED THE PAINTBRUSH
DIRECTLY BEHIND JONNY,
WHERE THE OFFENDER
RUBBED OUT PLANK'S MOUTH,
THUS HAVING THE
PERFECT STANDPOIN
IN WHICH TO CHUCK
THE SAID HOCKEY STICK.
WHY, ED. THAT WAS VERY GOOD.
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
SO TELL US, ED. WHO DID IT?
SIMPLE, MY FINE FRIENDS.
IT WAS A FOOT.
HARD TO BELIEVE HE CAN
DRESS HIMSELF, AIN'T IT?
BUT, EDDY, ED FOUND A FOOTPRIN
OBVIOUSLY LEFT BY
THE PERPETRATOR
OF THESE FALSE ALLEGATIONS.
NO FOOLING?
BRAVO, ED.
WE'LL JUST MATCH
THEIR FEET TO I
AND TRAP THE RAT.
THEY'LL NEVER AGREE TO THIS
TYPE OF VERIFICATION, EDDY.
BRANDED, WE ARE.
EXILED AND DISGRACED
FOREVERMORE.
[THUD]
TO THE VICTOR, THE
SPOILS WILL SMELL.
LET'S FIND OUR RAT, ED.
OOPS. GOTCHA, DOUBLE D.
OOH, UH, THIS ISN'
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
Eddy: YOU'RE THE RAT!
YOUR HOCKEY STICK!
Jimmy: NO. I DIDN'T DO IT, EDDY.
HONEST. IT WASN'T ME.
CHECK IT OUT, DOUBLE D.
HE SET US UP, DIDN'
HE? THE LITTLE
NO MATCH HERE, EDDY.
[JIMMY CRYING]
I HATE HOCKEY.
MY FATHER MAKES ME PRACTICE.
OH, DEAR, JIMMY.
I DIDN'T KNOW.
I COULD HAVE SWORN IT WAS HIM.
CHIN UP, MISTER.
LET ED DRY THOSE
Ed: I SHOULD HAVE ALL THE
FEELING BACK IN MY FEET.
AFTER THIS WORD FROM
OUR SPONSOR, DOUBLE D.
CURSE BROADCAST COMMERCIALISM.
[MUMBLING]
CANDY!
HA HA HA HA!
Eddy: CAREFUL, ED.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE
THAT CANDY'S BEEN.
OH, LOOK. "GIANT JONNY CHEW."
ONLY 50 CENTS.
Edd: WHY WOULD SOMEONE
WANT TO COVER JONNY
IN ASSORTED JUJUBES?
IF IT AIN'T BROKE,
DON'T FIX IT, DOUBLE D.
[MUMBLING]
UM, GUYS, LOOK.
OH, DEAR.
THIS CAN ONLY
POINT TO ONE THING.
ROTTEN TEETH?
NO, ED. WELL, YES.
WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS,
THAT WHOMEVER DID THIS TO JONNY
IS CERTAINLY THE SAME SCOUNDREL
WHO'S MADE EVERYONE BELIEVE WE'RE
TO BLAME FOR HIS OR HER MISCHIEF.
JONNY'S FOOT'S TOO SMALL, TOO.
THE RAT'S GO
CLODHOPPERS FOR FEET.
Kevin: BUSTED.
WHAT DID YOU DO TO JONNY?
Eddy: JONNY WAS LIKE
THIS WHEN WE FOUND HIM.
YEAH, RIGHT.
WE SAW YOU DORKS
WITH OUR OWN EYES.
PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN.
WE HAVE EVIDENCE THA
PROVES OUR INNOCENCE.
WE'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR LIES.
THEY MADE ME CRY.
THAT'S IT. I'M GIVING YOU A
LIFETIME WORTH OF LUMPS.
Sarah: SOMEBODY FIND ME A CLUB.
All: RUN AWAY!
GET BACK HERE!
MAKE THEM CRY, KEVIN. DO IT!
[MUMBLING]
HURRY UP! THEY'RE GAINING!
Eddy: MOMMY!
Sarah: GET BACK HERE!
YO, ROLF. HOW ABOU
HELPING US, MAN?
THERE'S PLENTY OF
DORK TO GO AROUND.
[MUMBLING]
THOSE JUJUBES WILL
ROT YOUR TEETH, DUDE.
[CHEWING]
GUYS, WAIT UP!
WHOA!
THIS WAY!
[MUMBLING]
IT'S POUNDING TIME.
MAN, THAT WAS CLOSE.
HUH?
WHAT'S THIS?
LOOK! A PROCESSION OF JUJUBES!
EDDY, I HAVE A HUNCH,
IF WE FOLLOW THIS TRAIL,
IT WILL LEAD STRAIGH
TO OUR PERPETRATOR.
TIME TO SQUEAL ON
THE HEEL! HA HA HA!
PRETTY.
[MUMBLING]
THE RAT'S LEADING
US RIGHT TO HIM.
WHAT AN IDIOT.
MMM.
Kevin: TRY THIS WAY!
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
YOU GO FIRST, DOUBLE D.
[HOWLING]
AH, THERE'S NO ONE IN THERE.
I CONCUR, EDDY.
WHY, NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND
WOULD HIDE SHED.
Ed: KIDS MEAN. SARAH HURT!
Ed: I FELL.
Kevin: HEY, CHECK IT OUT. I
BET THEY'RE IN THAT SHED.
Eddy: MOO. MOO.
MOO, MOO, MOO.
Ed: QUACK.
NO SIGN OF THE TWERPS.
JUST A COW, I THINK.
QUACK? WHAT COW GOES QUACK?
WELL, EDDY, THERE HAVE BEEN
CASES OF DOMESTIC BOVINE
WHOSE GRUNT COULD
BE MISCONSTRUED
AS SOMEWHAT OF A QUACK.
OH, GEE.
LOOK! IT'S THE PERPETRATOR!
WHO IS IT? I CAN'T SEE.
HIYA, ROLF.
ROLF?
ROLF! WHY, YOU
BACK-STABBING TWO-TIMING
WHAT'S THE BIG
IDEA SETTING US UP?
SWEET NOTHINGS WILL
GET YOU EVERYWHERE.
All: CANKERS!
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
BETTER LATE THAN
NEVER, I ALWAYS SAY.
All: RUN AWAY!
Kevin: HEY! THERE THEY ARE!
LET'S TEAR THEM APART.
KIDS!
CANKERS!
Kevin: COME OUT HERE
AND TAKE IT LIKE A DORK!
LOOKS LIKE WE'VE
GOT SOME WANTED MEN.
BAIL IS SET AT 200 KISSES.
WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DO?
Sarah: I GOT HIM! I GOT HIM!
WE'RE CAUGHT IN A
VORTEX OF IMPENDING DOOM,
TRAPPED LIKE ANIMALS
FRESH FOR THE SLAUGHTER!
JUST TOSS ONE RIGHT HERE.
[LOUD KNOCKING]
YOU JERKS!
Cankers: HUBBA HUBBA!
[CANKERS LAUGHING]
[ALL LAUGHING]
THIS AIN'T SO BAD.
THE LESSER OF TWO
EVILS, I SUPPOSE.
ALTHOUGH I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL
SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT HERE.
OUCH!
HA HA HA HA! GOT ME!
WELL, I FEEL GOOD.
THAT'LL TEACH YOU.
I HIT HIM TWICE, BUDDY.
IDIOTS! LOOKS GOOD ON YOU.
Rolf: EXCUSE ME,
SEMI-OPAQUE ONE.
MORE FOR ROLF, YES?
Jimmy: YOU CERTAINLY ARE
A LITTLE PIGGY, AREN'T YOU?
ROLF IS CONFUSED AS
TO WHY YOU PROVIDE HIM
WITH THESE JUJUBES,
BUT WHO'S COMPLAINING?
JUJUBES! JUJUBES!
Eddy: WHERE'D YOU
GET THOSE FROM?
GET WHAT?
I HAVE NO IDEA WHA
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
Edd: LOOK! A
PAINT-SPATTERED BOOT!
I SMELL ROTTEN SOMETHING, I.
YES! IT WAS ME,
AND I'D DO IT AGAIN.
WHY, YOU LITTLE
RAT! WAIT TILL I
BUT WHY, JIMMY?
WHY IMPLICATE US?
REVENGE TAKES NO
PRISONERS, DOUBLE D.
REVENGE? WHA
THE HECK DID WE DO?
YOU RUINED A PERFECTLY
GOOD PAIR OF UNDERPANTS,
YOU BIG BRUTE!
OH, THE WEDGIE!
OH, YEAH. THAT WAS
FUNNY. HA HA HA!
STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO
HUMILIATED IN ALL MY LIFE.
Jimmy, voice-over: YOUR MOCKING
LAUGHTER GOUGING AT MY FRAGILE PRIDE,
JUST LIKE MY UNDIES.
IT WAS AT THAT MOMENT
I FORMULATED MY REVENGE.
WHEN THE COAST WAS CLEAR,
I TIPPY-TOED INTO ACTION.
IT BEGAN SIMPLY WITH
A MISSING PAINTBRUSH.
I JUST WAITED FOR THE
OTHERS TO TAKE MY BAIT.
ED!
BINGO.
MY FIENDISH PLAN WAS WORKING.
WITH MY NEXT MOVE, I WOULD HAVE TO
SACRIFICE MY OWN SHOULDER STUFFING.
DESPERATE, YES, BUT IDEAL FOR
SMUDGING OFF PLANK'S MOUTH.
SMOOTH AS SILK.
AND LET'S NOT FORGET EDDY.
WHO ELSE WOULD SINK SO LOW
AS TO PIERCE OUR HEAR
OF FRIENDSHIP? CAD.
IGNORING THE
BUTTERFLIES IN MY TUMMY,
I NEEDED TO PROTEC
MY INNOCENCE.
SO I CHOSE A PATSY TO KEEP
YOU LOSERS OFF MY TRAIL.
IN ENTERS ROLF,
WHOSE INSATIABLE
APPETITE FOR MY JUJUBES
FIT SNUGLY INTO MY PLAN.
FEELING CREATIVE, I DECIDED TO TEASE
AND TAUNT YOU WITH FALSE CLUES
TIDBITS OF INFORMATION TO
TICKLE YOUR NOSEY PARKER WAYS.
ARTFULLY, I STAGED
EVERY DIVERSION.
LURING JONNY WITH
AN INSIPID ACORN
WAS PURE GENIUS
AS HE WOULD UNKNOWINGLY
CEMENT MY FREEDOM FROM SIN.
THE JUJUBES REMAIN
A CONSTANT THEME.
BUT WAS I SATISFIED?
I SHOULD SAY NOT.
I PREPARED MYSELF FOR THE
ENLISTMENT OF SOME HELP.
HAPPY TO SEE ME, THE
CANKERS GREETED ME
WITH THEIR USUAL TACT OF
POUNDING THE HECK OUT OF ME.
AS I WHEEZED MY PROPOSAL
ABOUT YOU ROTTEN EGGS,
THEY AGREED, AND
A DEAL WAS STRUCK.
I HAD GOOSE BUMPS AS I
LAY THE TRAIL OF JUJUBES
THAT WOULD SEAL YOUR FATE.
IT WAS ALL I COULD DO TO
CONTAIN THE EXCITEMENT IN THE AIR.
VENGEANCE WOULD BE MINE,
SO I PULLED MYSELF TOGETHER
FOR MY FINAL PERFORMANCE
AND NAILED YOUR BUTTS.
AAH!
[JIMMY LAUGHING]
Edd: HOW INGENIOUS.
WHAT?
A LITTLE LONG-WINDED, MIND YOU,
BUT ABSOLUTELY CUNNING.
[GROWLING]
IS IT LUNCH YET?
GET ME DOWN FROM HERE,
YOU ANKLE-BITING,
FLUFFY-HAIRED, HALF-PINTED SQUIRT!
Jimmy: QUIET, BIG MOUTH!
I HAVE A DEAL TO COMPLETE.
WE AIM TO PLEASE.
UNDO THE REBELS, GIRLS!
CANKERS!
AAH! HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
DON'T MESS WITH
THE BEST, SUCKERS.
OOH! UNH!
OWIE!
ED, EDD N EDDY!
BL-BL-BL-BL-YEAH.