Full House s04e01 Episode Script
Greek Week
OK, GIRLS, NOW REMEMBER, WHEN MY GRANDPARENTS STEP OFF THE PLANE, WE'RE GONNA SAY "WELCOME TO AMERICA" IN GREEK.
OK, NOW, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO SAY? "WELCOME TO AMERICA IN GREEK.
" ALL RIGHT, NOW THAT WE GOT THAT OUT OF OUR SYSTEM, LET'S TRY IT FOR REAL, LIKE WE PRACTICED.
READY? [SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
VERY GOOD.
COME ON, MICHELLE.
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
ARE YOU NUTS? ALL RIGHT, LET'S JUST PRACTICE GIVING THEM A KISS, SHALL WE? CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
* AHH * * AHH * * WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PREDICTABILITY * * THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY * * EVENING TV * * HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE * * SOMEBODY TELL ME PLEASE * * THIS OLD WORLD'S * * CONFUSIN' ME * * CLOUDS AS MEAN AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN * * THERE AIN'T A BIRD WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE * * THEN A LITTLE VOICE INSIDE YOU WHISPERS * * KID, DON'T SELL YOUR DREAMS SO SOON * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A HEART * * A HAND TO HOLD ONTO * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A FACE OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE * * AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE * * A LIGHT IS WAITING TO CARRY YOU HOME * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * DO BE DO BA BA DA ** LET'S GO.
WE'VE GOTTA MEET THAT PLANE.
DANNY, JOEY, LET'S GO! JESS, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS.
I JUST CALLED THE AIRLINE.
YOUR GRANDPARENTS LANDED EARLY.
ALREADY? HOW COULD THEY LAND? WELL, THE PLANE SLOWS DOWN, THE WHEELS POP UP, THE PILOT COMES ON, "PLEASE EXTINGUISH ALL SMOKING MATERIALS" I KNOW HOW A PLANE LANDS.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
MY POOR GRANDPARENTS COME OUT ALL THE WAY FROM GREECE TO CELEBRATE THEIR AND THEY'RE PROBABLY WANDERING AROUND THE AIRPORT LOST, SCARED, CONFUSED.
OH, MY GOD, THEY'RE HERE.
OK, EVERYBODY, GET READY.
VERY GOOD.
WHAT KIND OF-- [SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
THAT'S BETTER, BUT YOU STILL OWE ME FOR TAXI.
MY BEAUTIFUL JESSE! AW, YAYA GINA.
PAPULI IORGOS HELP! GINAGINA GINA! SAVE SOME TEARS.
YOU GOT LOTS MORE PEOPLE TO MEET.
MAY I PRESENT THE FATHER OF YOUR GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN DANNY TANNER.
OH OH, THIS IS NICE.
MY [SPEAKING GREEK.]
IS YOUR [SPEAKING GREEK.]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, BUT WE BROUGHT OUR OWN UNDERWEAR.
LET ME GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT ONE, OK? AND THESE ARE YOUR GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN.
THIS IS D.
J.
, STEPHANIE, AND LITTLE MICHELLE.
OH WHO IS THIS MAN? THAT'S JOEY.
HE LIVES IN THE GARAGE.
AND HE'S A COMEDIAN.
JOEY, SHOW THEM YOUR BULLWINKLE.
WELL, I SURE HOPE YOU GET AMERICAN CARTOONS BECAUSE, WELL, IF NOT, I'M MAKING SOME FIRST IMPRESSION.
WE HAVE FUNNY MAN LIKE JOEY IN POMPADORAS-- NIKOS, THE VILLAGE IDIOT.
WE BRING YOU BIG SURPRISE VISITORS.
GINA.
JESSE, YOUR COUSIN DMITRI, HE MAKE YOU THE GODFATHER OF HIS LITTLE GIRL MELINA.
HEY! THAT'S MY FACE.
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
THERE'S A SLIGHT FAMILY RESEMBLANCE.
YOU DON'T SAY.
HI, MELINA.
MICHELLE, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE MELINA UP TO YOUR ROOM AND SHOW HER WHERE SHE'S GONNA BE STAYING, OK? YOU GOT IT, DUDE.
COME ON, CHICKS.
YOU'RE VERY PRETTY.
DID YOU BRING ANYBODY THAT LOOKS LIKE ME? NO, BUT WE DID BRING SYLVIO BANALAKIS.
SYLVIO! HE'S ALWAYS DREAMED OF COMING TO AMERICA.
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
I SEE YOUR PICTURE EVERY DAY IN HOUSE OF YOUR GREAT-GRANDFATHER.
YOU ARE EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL IN PERSON.
OOH, MYLANTA.
PAPULI, ARE WE RELATED? NO.
YES! SYLVIO, COME ON, I'LL SHOW YOU MY ROOM.
STEPH, I'M SURE YOUR YAYA GINA WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOUR ROOM, TOO.
OK, DAD.
WE'LL KEEP AN EYE ON THEM.
GOOD GIRL.
DON'T EVER GROW UP, OK? OK.
SYLVIO BANALAKIS.
PAPULI, DIDN'T HE HAVE AN OLDER SISTER? YES.
WHAT WAS HER NAME? ELENA.
YEAH, ELENA.
ELENA! JESSE! HAVE MERC-- HAVE MERCEDES COME TO GREECE YET? COME WITH ME.
I WILL-- I'LL SHOW YOU MY-- [SPEAKING GREEK.]
YOU HAVE A VOLCANO IN THE KITCHEN? I TAKE IT THIS IS NOT YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
NO, THIS IS LITTLE ELENA.
GOSH, I HAVEN'T SEEN LITTLE ELENA SINCE I WAS 14 WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE.
LITTLE ELENA, THIS IS, UH BIG BECKY.
BIG BECKY.
THIS IS BIG BECKY.
YOUR GRANDFATHER TOLD ME YOU WERE NOT MARRIED.
OH, NO.
NO, WE'RE NOT MARRIED, BUT BECKY'S MY GIRLFRIEND! GIRLFRIEND.
BECKY'S MY GIRLFRIEND.
AND I'M SURE THE THREE OF US ARE GONNA HAVE A DARN NIFTY TIME TOGETHER, RIGHT? RIGHT.
YEAH, RIGHT.
I SEE IT, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
THIS IS PINKY MY PIG.
HEY, TWINSTERS.
WHY DO WE LOOK THE SAME? WELL, BECAUSE, UH, YOU'RE COUSINS.
* IDENTICAL COUSINS, AND YOU'LL FIND * * THEY LAUGH ALIKE, THEY WALK ALIKE * * AT TIMES THEY EVEN TALK ALIKE * * YOU CAN LOSE YOUR MIND * * WHEN COUSINS * * ARE * * TWO OF A K * * IND ** NIKOS.
NIKOS.
MORE MOUSSAKA, JESSE? YEAH, PLEASE.
HEY, JESS.
TAKE A BREAK, HUH? YOU'VE BEEN EATING FOR THREE HOURS.
DO YOU REMEMBER OUR PICNIC ON THE TOP OF MOUNT POMPADORAS? YEAH, I REMEMBER IT WAS RAINING AND WE HAD TO HIDE UNDER YOUR BLANKET AND WE HAD THOSE RED SEEDLESS GRAPES AND YOU KEPT FEEDING THEM TO ME ONE BY ONE-- HARDLY REMEMBER IT.
I'D BETTER CHECK ON THE BAKLAVA.
HONEY? YES, DEAR? I MEAN, DO YOU WANT HONEY ON YOUR BAKLAVA? OF COURSE I DO.
WHAT'S BAKLAVA WITHOUT HONEY? RIGHT, HONEY? JESS, HONEY THIS WOMAN DIDN'T FLY 12,000 MILES JUST TO STUFF YOUR FACE FULL OF MOUSSAKA.
NOW, WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO? COME ON, BECKY.
NOTHING.
YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU.
NOTHING COULD COME BETWEEN US.
BAKLAVA.
CAREFUL.
IT'S VERY HOT STUFF.
[SINGING IN GREEK.]
AH, STEPHANIE, YOU LEARN THE ZORBA DANCE SO FAST.
THANKS, YAYA.
I'LL TEACH YOU AN AMERICAN DANCE.
WANT TO VOGUE? STRIKE A POSE.
STEPH, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO GRANDMA? WE'RE VOGUE-ING.
STRIKE POSE.
HAS ANYBODY SEEN D.
J.
? SHE'S AT THE MALL WITH SYLVIO.
SHE'S ALONE WITH SYLVIO? NOT TO WORRY.
SYLVIO IS FINE BOY, SO MUCH LIKE JESSE WHEN HE WAS YOUNG.
OH, THAT'S VERY COMFORTING.
COMET, THIS IS D.
J.
's SOCK.
PICK UP THE SCENT, COMET.
FIND D.
J.
, FIND D.
J.
DAD, THAT'S COMET, NOT LASSIE.
HOW'D YOU LIKE YOUR FIRST SLURPEE? WELL, I'VE NEVER SLURPED WITH A GIRL BEFORE.
HOW DID I DO? GREAT.
YOU SLURPED AT THE RIGHT SPEED.
I WAS VERY NERVOUS.
THE STARS ARE SO PRETTY.
THE PRETTIEST STARS ARE IN YOUR EYES.
[DOOR OPENS.]
SURE, COMET, WE CAN GO FOR A WALK.
COME ON, BOY.
COME HERE, COMET.
THAT'S A GOOD-- OH, LOOK, IT'S D.
J.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? DAD, WERE YOU SPYING ON ME? TRUST ME, IF I WAS SPYING, I WOULD'VE BEEN OUT HERE WAY BEFORE ALL THAT STAR TALK.
MR.
TANNER YOUR DAUGHTER IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
SHE'S OK.
YOU MUST BE INCREDIBLY TIRED AFTER YOUR LONG FLIGHT.
WHY DON'T YOU COME ON INSIDE AND I'LL SHOW YOU TO YOUR CAGE-- UH, ROOM.
DANNY, HAVE YOU SEEN MY DRESS SHIRT? DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR MOTHER? IT'S IN THE HAMPER.
HERE IT IS.
I DID ALL OF YOUR LAUNDRY THIS MORNING.
I JUST HAVE TO IRON IT.
OH, WELL, LET ME DO THAT FOR JESSE.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, YOU'RE HERE ON VACATION.
BECKY, YOU KNOW I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN YOU IRON.
ME? OH, I LIVE TO IRON.
I JUST HAVE TO GET ONE OF THOSE IRONING TABLES.
SWEETHEART, THAT'S IRONING BOARD.
SHUT UP.
DANNY, I TOOK THE GIRLS SHOPPING.
WAIT TILL YOU SEE THIS.
OKAY, COME ON IN, GIRLS.
GO AHEAD.
TRY AND TELL THEM APART.
YOU'LL NEVER GUESS, DADDY.
WOW, THIS IS A TOUGH ONE.
BUT I BET THE REAL MICHELLE IS THE ONE WHO JUST CALLED ME DADDY.
AW, NUTS.
AW, HOO.
BLESS YOU.
AND I THINK THAT WOULD MAKE YOU MELINA.
YOU GOT IT, DUD.
I TOLD YOU, IT'S "YOU GOT IT, DUDE.
" DUDE MR.
TANNER I'D LIKE TO TAKE A WALK WITH YOUR DAUGHTER.
HEY, NO PROBLEM.
MICHELLE, TAKE A WALK WITH SYLVIO.
I MEAN D.
J.
I WANT TO WALK WITH HER AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE.
YOU WANT TO WALK AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE? HEY, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
TAKE A SPIN AROUND THE COUNTER IF YOU WANT.
THANKS, DAD.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
I'LL BE OVER HERE IF YOU NEED ME.
THIS IS REALLY SWEET.
AND TOTALLY WEIRD.
DO YOU REMEMBER THIS? DIDN'T YOU AND I WALK AROUND YOUR TABLE IN POMPADORAS? YES! I WAS WAITING TO SEE IF YOU REMEMBERED! THAT'S WHY I CAME TO SEE YOU! THAT'S IT.
GET YOUR POMPADORIAN PAWS OFF MY BOYFRIEND.
BUT WE DID THE TRADITIONAL WEDDING WALK.
JESSE IS MY HUSBAND.
AND NOW D.
J.
IS MY WIFE.
WHOA, BABY! WHOA, BABY! MY D.
J.
IS MARRIED! I COULD HAVE GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN.
I CAN HAVE MY OWN ROOM! WAIT A MINUTE.
D.
J.
AND SYLVIO ARE NOT MARRIED.
NEITHER ARE THEY.
ACCORDING TO POMPADORAS TRADITION, THEY ARE MARRIED.
YOU GIVE THE GIRL FLOWERS, YOU WALK AROUND THE TABLE, AND THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.
THAT'S NOT A WEDDING, THAT'S THE HOKEY-POKEY.
JESSE, SAY SOMETHING.
IT'S A VERY DELICATE SITUATION HERE WITH MY FAMILY.
ALL RIGHT, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.
IS THIS THE KIND OF WOMAN YOU WANT-- SOMEONE WHO LIVES ONLY TO COOK FOR YOU, AND CLEAN FOR YOU, AND WAIT ON YOU HAND IN FOOT? GOD, YOU MAKE IT SOUND SO NEGATIVE.
FINE.
SHE'S ALL YOURS.
I'LL SEND YOU A CARD ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY.
THIS AUGUST WILL BE OUR 13th.
CONGRATULATIONS! BECKY YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, MISTER.
WHEN SHOULD I TELL YOUR WIFE YOU'LL BE BACK? [IMITATING BOB EUBANKS.]
LET'S MEET OUR FIRST NEWLYWED COUPLE.
[HUMMING WEDDING NUPTUALS.]
SHE'S IN THE EIGHTH GRADE, HE'S IN THE OLIVE BUSINESS.
THEY'VE ONLY BEEN MARRIED TWO AND A HALF MINUTES.
PLEASE WELCOME SYLVIO AND D.
J.
BANALAKIS! WHY DON'T I TAKE THE LOVELY COUPLE INTO THE LIVING ROOM AND TELL THEM WHAT THEY'VE WON, BOB? A DINING SET ESPECIALLY SELECTED JUST FOR YOU.
I LOVE WEDDINGS.
D.
J.
, WHY DON'T YOU GO ON UP TO YOUR ROOM AND WAIT FOR DADDY? DADDY, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, YOU CAN'T SEND ME TO MY ROOM ANYMORE.
I'M A MARRIED WOMAN.
YOU'RE NOT A MARRIED WOMAN.
PAPA-- PLEASE DON'T CALL ME THAT.
I'M READY TO LEARN THE FAMILY BUSINESS.
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR JOB? I HAVE A TALK SHOW.
WELL, I WILL STUDY HARD, AND WHEN YOU DIE, I WILL TAKE OVER.
I WILL NEVER DIE.
SYLVIO, WALK WITH ME, TALK WITH ME.
WE HAVE TO GET OVER TO IORGOS' AND GINA'S ANNIVERSARY PARTY, BUT FIRST LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS THING WE HAVE IN AMERICA CALLED A RESTRAINING ORDER.
[TRADITIONAL GREEK MUSIC PLAYING.]
HEY! [SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
OH, THIS IS A PRETTY PICTURE.
I THOUGHT I SHOULD COME DOWN HERE AND GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN, BUT YOU'RE TOO BUSY HUGGING YOUR WIFE.
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? BECKY, LIS-- NOW IT'S A GREEK PARTY! [SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
BECKY-- WHAT? THIS WHOLE THING HAS GOTTEN OUT OF HAND HERE.
NOW, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU BOTH SHOULD HEAR.
ELENA, LISTEN, YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WITH PASSION AND FIRE-- OH, I'M GLAD I STUCK AROUND FOR THIS.
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU'LL LIKE THIS PART.
THERE'S NO FUTURE FOR US 'CAUSE I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH BECKY.
BECKY, I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.
OH, JESSE I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY I GOT SO JEALOUS.
JUST THE THOUGHT OF LOSING YOU MADE ME CRAZY.
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA LOSE ME.
I'M SORRY, ELENA.
MAYBE I WAS CRAZY TO HAVE COME HERE, BUT I ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE EVER SAW EACH OTHER AGAIN.
NOW I KNOW WE CAN ONLY BE FRIENDS.
IT'S TOO BAD WE'RE STILL MARRIED.
WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW, WE LOST THE GROUP.
IORGOS, AS LONG AS WE'RE HERE, LET'S TALK DIVORCE.
DIVORCE? WHO WANTS A DIVORCE? THEY DO.
THEY DO.
WELL, YOU ARE IN LUCK.
SINCE NO FARM ANIMALS ACTUALLY CHANGED HANDS, A DIVORCE IS POSSIBLE.
DAD? SYLVIO, I'M SORRY, BUT I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU.
AFTER ALL, YOU WERE MY FIRST HUSBAND.
FOR ONE HOUR, I WAS MARRIED TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
AW, DAD, DO I HAVE TO? OH, YEAH.
EVERYBODY WHO WANTS A DIVORCE, FOLLOW ME.
NOW JOIN HANDS AND WALK AROUND THE TABLE BACKWARDS.
BIZARRE POMPADORIAN TABLE CEREMONIES ON THE NEXT GERALDO.
OK, I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MEN AND EX-WIVES.
WE CAME 12,000 MILES TO GET DIVORCES.
WE SHOULD HAVE GONE TO DISNEYLAND.
ATTENTION, EVERYBODY.
YOU KNOW, ALL THIS TALKING ABOUT DIVORCE MAKES ME REALIZE HOW LUCKY I AM TO HAVE MY GINA FOR 50 YEARS.
AND TO THINK SHE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO MARRY ME.
YOU HAD A BEARD.
IT WAS LIKE KISSING A GOAT.
NO, I KISSED A GOAT ONCE.
IT WAS VERY DIFFERENT.
ANYWAY, I SHAVED, AND I GOT WITH MY GINA.
I LOVE YOU, GINA.
I LOVE YOU.
THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
THAT COULD BE YOU AND I IN 50 YEARS.
I HOPE IT WILL BE.
IF YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO FIND THE RIGHT PERSON THAT YOU REALLY LOVE AND WANNA SPEND YOUR WHOLE LIFE WITH, MY FEELING IS, WHY WAIT? OK.
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? REALLY? REALLY.
ALL RIGHT.
THIS TIME WE'RE GONNA DO THIS RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, LAST TIME WE DID THIS, YOU LEFT ME AT THE ALTAR.
WE WERE IN NEVADA.
YOU SAID, "LET'S GET MARRIED THIS SECOND.
" THIS TIME WE CAN TAKE OUR TIME AND PLAN A REAL WEDDING.
BECKY-- HOLD IT.
WHAT? DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER WIVES IN ANY OTHER COUNTRIES? NO, NO.
OK.
YOU WERE SAYING? WILL YOU WALK AROUND THE TABLE WITH ME? YES.
YES! WOO! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
REBECCA DONALDSON AND JESSE KATSOPOLIS ARE NOW ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED! AGAIN? YES, AGAIN.
YEAH! OOH! OH, DID YOU HEAR THAT, GIRLS? UNCLE JESSE AND REBECCA ARE GONNA BE MARRIED.
LET'S CELEBRATE.
YOU GOT IT, DUDE.
YOU GOT IT, DUDE.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
OK, NOW, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO SAY? "WELCOME TO AMERICA IN GREEK.
" ALL RIGHT, NOW THAT WE GOT THAT OUT OF OUR SYSTEM, LET'S TRY IT FOR REAL, LIKE WE PRACTICED.
READY? [SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
VERY GOOD.
COME ON, MICHELLE.
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
ARE YOU NUTS? ALL RIGHT, LET'S JUST PRACTICE GIVING THEM A KISS, SHALL WE? CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
* AHH * * AHH * * WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PREDICTABILITY * * THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY * * EVENING TV * * HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE * * SOMEBODY TELL ME PLEASE * * THIS OLD WORLD'S * * CONFUSIN' ME * * CLOUDS AS MEAN AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN * * THERE AIN'T A BIRD WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE * * THEN A LITTLE VOICE INSIDE YOU WHISPERS * * KID, DON'T SELL YOUR DREAMS SO SOON * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A HEART * * A HAND TO HOLD ONTO * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A FACE OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE * * AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE * * A LIGHT IS WAITING TO CARRY YOU HOME * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * DO BE DO BA BA DA ** LET'S GO.
WE'VE GOTTA MEET THAT PLANE.
DANNY, JOEY, LET'S GO! JESS, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS.
I JUST CALLED THE AIRLINE.
YOUR GRANDPARENTS LANDED EARLY.
ALREADY? HOW COULD THEY LAND? WELL, THE PLANE SLOWS DOWN, THE WHEELS POP UP, THE PILOT COMES ON, "PLEASE EXTINGUISH ALL SMOKING MATERIALS" I KNOW HOW A PLANE LANDS.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
MY POOR GRANDPARENTS COME OUT ALL THE WAY FROM GREECE TO CELEBRATE THEIR AND THEY'RE PROBABLY WANDERING AROUND THE AIRPORT LOST, SCARED, CONFUSED.
OH, MY GOD, THEY'RE HERE.
OK, EVERYBODY, GET READY.
VERY GOOD.
WHAT KIND OF-- [SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
THAT'S BETTER, BUT YOU STILL OWE ME FOR TAXI.
MY BEAUTIFUL JESSE! AW, YAYA GINA.
PAPULI IORGOS HELP! GINAGINA GINA! SAVE SOME TEARS.
YOU GOT LOTS MORE PEOPLE TO MEET.
MAY I PRESENT THE FATHER OF YOUR GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN DANNY TANNER.
OH OH, THIS IS NICE.
MY [SPEAKING GREEK.]
IS YOUR [SPEAKING GREEK.]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, BUT WE BROUGHT OUR OWN UNDERWEAR.
LET ME GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT ONE, OK? AND THESE ARE YOUR GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN.
THIS IS D.
J.
, STEPHANIE, AND LITTLE MICHELLE.
OH WHO IS THIS MAN? THAT'S JOEY.
HE LIVES IN THE GARAGE.
AND HE'S A COMEDIAN.
JOEY, SHOW THEM YOUR BULLWINKLE.
WELL, I SURE HOPE YOU GET AMERICAN CARTOONS BECAUSE, WELL, IF NOT, I'M MAKING SOME FIRST IMPRESSION.
WE HAVE FUNNY MAN LIKE JOEY IN POMPADORAS-- NIKOS, THE VILLAGE IDIOT.
WE BRING YOU BIG SURPRISE VISITORS.
GINA.
JESSE, YOUR COUSIN DMITRI, HE MAKE YOU THE GODFATHER OF HIS LITTLE GIRL MELINA.
HEY! THAT'S MY FACE.
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
THERE'S A SLIGHT FAMILY RESEMBLANCE.
YOU DON'T SAY.
HI, MELINA.
MICHELLE, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE MELINA UP TO YOUR ROOM AND SHOW HER WHERE SHE'S GONNA BE STAYING, OK? YOU GOT IT, DUDE.
COME ON, CHICKS.
YOU'RE VERY PRETTY.
DID YOU BRING ANYBODY THAT LOOKS LIKE ME? NO, BUT WE DID BRING SYLVIO BANALAKIS.
SYLVIO! HE'S ALWAYS DREAMED OF COMING TO AMERICA.
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
I SEE YOUR PICTURE EVERY DAY IN HOUSE OF YOUR GREAT-GRANDFATHER.
YOU ARE EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL IN PERSON.
OOH, MYLANTA.
PAPULI, ARE WE RELATED? NO.
YES! SYLVIO, COME ON, I'LL SHOW YOU MY ROOM.
STEPH, I'M SURE YOUR YAYA GINA WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOUR ROOM, TOO.
OK, DAD.
WE'LL KEEP AN EYE ON THEM.
GOOD GIRL.
DON'T EVER GROW UP, OK? OK.
SYLVIO BANALAKIS.
PAPULI, DIDN'T HE HAVE AN OLDER SISTER? YES.
WHAT WAS HER NAME? ELENA.
YEAH, ELENA.
ELENA! JESSE! HAVE MERC-- HAVE MERCEDES COME TO GREECE YET? COME WITH ME.
I WILL-- I'LL SHOW YOU MY-- [SPEAKING GREEK.]
YOU HAVE A VOLCANO IN THE KITCHEN? I TAKE IT THIS IS NOT YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
NO, THIS IS LITTLE ELENA.
GOSH, I HAVEN'T SEEN LITTLE ELENA SINCE I WAS 14 WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE.
LITTLE ELENA, THIS IS, UH BIG BECKY.
BIG BECKY.
THIS IS BIG BECKY.
YOUR GRANDFATHER TOLD ME YOU WERE NOT MARRIED.
OH, NO.
NO, WE'RE NOT MARRIED, BUT BECKY'S MY GIRLFRIEND! GIRLFRIEND.
BECKY'S MY GIRLFRIEND.
AND I'M SURE THE THREE OF US ARE GONNA HAVE A DARN NIFTY TIME TOGETHER, RIGHT? RIGHT.
YEAH, RIGHT.
I SEE IT, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
THIS IS PINKY MY PIG.
HEY, TWINSTERS.
WHY DO WE LOOK THE SAME? WELL, BECAUSE, UH, YOU'RE COUSINS.
* IDENTICAL COUSINS, AND YOU'LL FIND * * THEY LAUGH ALIKE, THEY WALK ALIKE * * AT TIMES THEY EVEN TALK ALIKE * * YOU CAN LOSE YOUR MIND * * WHEN COUSINS * * ARE * * TWO OF A K * * IND ** NIKOS.
NIKOS.
MORE MOUSSAKA, JESSE? YEAH, PLEASE.
HEY, JESS.
TAKE A BREAK, HUH? YOU'VE BEEN EATING FOR THREE HOURS.
DO YOU REMEMBER OUR PICNIC ON THE TOP OF MOUNT POMPADORAS? YEAH, I REMEMBER IT WAS RAINING AND WE HAD TO HIDE UNDER YOUR BLANKET AND WE HAD THOSE RED SEEDLESS GRAPES AND YOU KEPT FEEDING THEM TO ME ONE BY ONE-- HARDLY REMEMBER IT.
I'D BETTER CHECK ON THE BAKLAVA.
HONEY? YES, DEAR? I MEAN, DO YOU WANT HONEY ON YOUR BAKLAVA? OF COURSE I DO.
WHAT'S BAKLAVA WITHOUT HONEY? RIGHT, HONEY? JESS, HONEY THIS WOMAN DIDN'T FLY 12,000 MILES JUST TO STUFF YOUR FACE FULL OF MOUSSAKA.
NOW, WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO? COME ON, BECKY.
NOTHING.
YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU.
NOTHING COULD COME BETWEEN US.
BAKLAVA.
CAREFUL.
IT'S VERY HOT STUFF.
[SINGING IN GREEK.]
AH, STEPHANIE, YOU LEARN THE ZORBA DANCE SO FAST.
THANKS, YAYA.
I'LL TEACH YOU AN AMERICAN DANCE.
WANT TO VOGUE? STRIKE A POSE.
STEPH, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO GRANDMA? WE'RE VOGUE-ING.
STRIKE POSE.
HAS ANYBODY SEEN D.
J.
? SHE'S AT THE MALL WITH SYLVIO.
SHE'S ALONE WITH SYLVIO? NOT TO WORRY.
SYLVIO IS FINE BOY, SO MUCH LIKE JESSE WHEN HE WAS YOUNG.
OH, THAT'S VERY COMFORTING.
COMET, THIS IS D.
J.
's SOCK.
PICK UP THE SCENT, COMET.
FIND D.
J.
, FIND D.
J.
DAD, THAT'S COMET, NOT LASSIE.
HOW'D YOU LIKE YOUR FIRST SLURPEE? WELL, I'VE NEVER SLURPED WITH A GIRL BEFORE.
HOW DID I DO? GREAT.
YOU SLURPED AT THE RIGHT SPEED.
I WAS VERY NERVOUS.
THE STARS ARE SO PRETTY.
THE PRETTIEST STARS ARE IN YOUR EYES.
[DOOR OPENS.]
SURE, COMET, WE CAN GO FOR A WALK.
COME ON, BOY.
COME HERE, COMET.
THAT'S A GOOD-- OH, LOOK, IT'S D.
J.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? DAD, WERE YOU SPYING ON ME? TRUST ME, IF I WAS SPYING, I WOULD'VE BEEN OUT HERE WAY BEFORE ALL THAT STAR TALK.
MR.
TANNER YOUR DAUGHTER IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
SHE'S OK.
YOU MUST BE INCREDIBLY TIRED AFTER YOUR LONG FLIGHT.
WHY DON'T YOU COME ON INSIDE AND I'LL SHOW YOU TO YOUR CAGE-- UH, ROOM.
DANNY, HAVE YOU SEEN MY DRESS SHIRT? DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR MOTHER? IT'S IN THE HAMPER.
HERE IT IS.
I DID ALL OF YOUR LAUNDRY THIS MORNING.
I JUST HAVE TO IRON IT.
OH, WELL, LET ME DO THAT FOR JESSE.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, YOU'RE HERE ON VACATION.
BECKY, YOU KNOW I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN YOU IRON.
ME? OH, I LIVE TO IRON.
I JUST HAVE TO GET ONE OF THOSE IRONING TABLES.
SWEETHEART, THAT'S IRONING BOARD.
SHUT UP.
DANNY, I TOOK THE GIRLS SHOPPING.
WAIT TILL YOU SEE THIS.
OKAY, COME ON IN, GIRLS.
GO AHEAD.
TRY AND TELL THEM APART.
YOU'LL NEVER GUESS, DADDY.
WOW, THIS IS A TOUGH ONE.
BUT I BET THE REAL MICHELLE IS THE ONE WHO JUST CALLED ME DADDY.
AW, NUTS.
AW, HOO.
BLESS YOU.
AND I THINK THAT WOULD MAKE YOU MELINA.
YOU GOT IT, DUD.
I TOLD YOU, IT'S "YOU GOT IT, DUDE.
" DUDE MR.
TANNER I'D LIKE TO TAKE A WALK WITH YOUR DAUGHTER.
HEY, NO PROBLEM.
MICHELLE, TAKE A WALK WITH SYLVIO.
I MEAN D.
J.
I WANT TO WALK WITH HER AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE.
YOU WANT TO WALK AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE? HEY, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
TAKE A SPIN AROUND THE COUNTER IF YOU WANT.
THANKS, DAD.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
I'LL BE OVER HERE IF YOU NEED ME.
THIS IS REALLY SWEET.
AND TOTALLY WEIRD.
DO YOU REMEMBER THIS? DIDN'T YOU AND I WALK AROUND YOUR TABLE IN POMPADORAS? YES! I WAS WAITING TO SEE IF YOU REMEMBERED! THAT'S WHY I CAME TO SEE YOU! THAT'S IT.
GET YOUR POMPADORIAN PAWS OFF MY BOYFRIEND.
BUT WE DID THE TRADITIONAL WEDDING WALK.
JESSE IS MY HUSBAND.
AND NOW D.
J.
IS MY WIFE.
WHOA, BABY! WHOA, BABY! MY D.
J.
IS MARRIED! I COULD HAVE GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN.
I CAN HAVE MY OWN ROOM! WAIT A MINUTE.
D.
J.
AND SYLVIO ARE NOT MARRIED.
NEITHER ARE THEY.
ACCORDING TO POMPADORAS TRADITION, THEY ARE MARRIED.
YOU GIVE THE GIRL FLOWERS, YOU WALK AROUND THE TABLE, AND THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.
THAT'S NOT A WEDDING, THAT'S THE HOKEY-POKEY.
JESSE, SAY SOMETHING.
IT'S A VERY DELICATE SITUATION HERE WITH MY FAMILY.
ALL RIGHT, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.
IS THIS THE KIND OF WOMAN YOU WANT-- SOMEONE WHO LIVES ONLY TO COOK FOR YOU, AND CLEAN FOR YOU, AND WAIT ON YOU HAND IN FOOT? GOD, YOU MAKE IT SOUND SO NEGATIVE.
FINE.
SHE'S ALL YOURS.
I'LL SEND YOU A CARD ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY.
THIS AUGUST WILL BE OUR 13th.
CONGRATULATIONS! BECKY YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, MISTER.
WHEN SHOULD I TELL YOUR WIFE YOU'LL BE BACK? [IMITATING BOB EUBANKS.]
LET'S MEET OUR FIRST NEWLYWED COUPLE.
[HUMMING WEDDING NUPTUALS.]
SHE'S IN THE EIGHTH GRADE, HE'S IN THE OLIVE BUSINESS.
THEY'VE ONLY BEEN MARRIED TWO AND A HALF MINUTES.
PLEASE WELCOME SYLVIO AND D.
J.
BANALAKIS! WHY DON'T I TAKE THE LOVELY COUPLE INTO THE LIVING ROOM AND TELL THEM WHAT THEY'VE WON, BOB? A DINING SET ESPECIALLY SELECTED JUST FOR YOU.
I LOVE WEDDINGS.
D.
J.
, WHY DON'T YOU GO ON UP TO YOUR ROOM AND WAIT FOR DADDY? DADDY, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, YOU CAN'T SEND ME TO MY ROOM ANYMORE.
I'M A MARRIED WOMAN.
YOU'RE NOT A MARRIED WOMAN.
PAPA-- PLEASE DON'T CALL ME THAT.
I'M READY TO LEARN THE FAMILY BUSINESS.
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR JOB? I HAVE A TALK SHOW.
WELL, I WILL STUDY HARD, AND WHEN YOU DIE, I WILL TAKE OVER.
I WILL NEVER DIE.
SYLVIO, WALK WITH ME, TALK WITH ME.
WE HAVE TO GET OVER TO IORGOS' AND GINA'S ANNIVERSARY PARTY, BUT FIRST LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS THING WE HAVE IN AMERICA CALLED A RESTRAINING ORDER.
[TRADITIONAL GREEK MUSIC PLAYING.]
HEY! [SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
OH, THIS IS A PRETTY PICTURE.
I THOUGHT I SHOULD COME DOWN HERE AND GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN, BUT YOU'RE TOO BUSY HUGGING YOUR WIFE.
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? BECKY, LIS-- NOW IT'S A GREEK PARTY! [SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
[SPEAKING GREEK.]
BECKY-- WHAT? THIS WHOLE THING HAS GOTTEN OUT OF HAND HERE.
NOW, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU BOTH SHOULD HEAR.
ELENA, LISTEN, YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WITH PASSION AND FIRE-- OH, I'M GLAD I STUCK AROUND FOR THIS.
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU'LL LIKE THIS PART.
THERE'S NO FUTURE FOR US 'CAUSE I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH BECKY.
BECKY, I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.
OH, JESSE I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY I GOT SO JEALOUS.
JUST THE THOUGHT OF LOSING YOU MADE ME CRAZY.
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA LOSE ME.
I'M SORRY, ELENA.
MAYBE I WAS CRAZY TO HAVE COME HERE, BUT I ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE EVER SAW EACH OTHER AGAIN.
NOW I KNOW WE CAN ONLY BE FRIENDS.
IT'S TOO BAD WE'RE STILL MARRIED.
WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW, WE LOST THE GROUP.
IORGOS, AS LONG AS WE'RE HERE, LET'S TALK DIVORCE.
DIVORCE? WHO WANTS A DIVORCE? THEY DO.
THEY DO.
WELL, YOU ARE IN LUCK.
SINCE NO FARM ANIMALS ACTUALLY CHANGED HANDS, A DIVORCE IS POSSIBLE.
DAD? SYLVIO, I'M SORRY, BUT I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU.
AFTER ALL, YOU WERE MY FIRST HUSBAND.
FOR ONE HOUR, I WAS MARRIED TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
AW, DAD, DO I HAVE TO? OH, YEAH.
EVERYBODY WHO WANTS A DIVORCE, FOLLOW ME.
NOW JOIN HANDS AND WALK AROUND THE TABLE BACKWARDS.
BIZARRE POMPADORIAN TABLE CEREMONIES ON THE NEXT GERALDO.
OK, I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MEN AND EX-WIVES.
WE CAME 12,000 MILES TO GET DIVORCES.
WE SHOULD HAVE GONE TO DISNEYLAND.
ATTENTION, EVERYBODY.
YOU KNOW, ALL THIS TALKING ABOUT DIVORCE MAKES ME REALIZE HOW LUCKY I AM TO HAVE MY GINA FOR 50 YEARS.
AND TO THINK SHE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO MARRY ME.
YOU HAD A BEARD.
IT WAS LIKE KISSING A GOAT.
NO, I KISSED A GOAT ONCE.
IT WAS VERY DIFFERENT.
ANYWAY, I SHAVED, AND I GOT WITH MY GINA.
I LOVE YOU, GINA.
I LOVE YOU.
THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
THAT COULD BE YOU AND I IN 50 YEARS.
I HOPE IT WILL BE.
IF YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO FIND THE RIGHT PERSON THAT YOU REALLY LOVE AND WANNA SPEND YOUR WHOLE LIFE WITH, MY FEELING IS, WHY WAIT? OK.
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? REALLY? REALLY.
ALL RIGHT.
THIS TIME WE'RE GONNA DO THIS RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, LAST TIME WE DID THIS, YOU LEFT ME AT THE ALTAR.
WE WERE IN NEVADA.
YOU SAID, "LET'S GET MARRIED THIS SECOND.
" THIS TIME WE CAN TAKE OUR TIME AND PLAN A REAL WEDDING.
BECKY-- HOLD IT.
WHAT? DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER WIVES IN ANY OTHER COUNTRIES? NO, NO.
OK.
YOU WERE SAYING? WILL YOU WALK AROUND THE TABLE WITH ME? YES.
YES! WOO! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
REBECCA DONALDSON AND JESSE KATSOPOLIS ARE NOW ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED! AGAIN? YES, AGAIN.
YEAH! OOH! OH, DID YOU HEAR THAT, GIRLS? UNCLE JESSE AND REBECCA ARE GONNA BE MARRIED.
LET'S CELEBRATE.
YOU GOT IT, DUDE.
YOU GOT IT, DUDE.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL