Gilmore Girls s04e01 Episode Script

And we're home.
- How long does a freaking van ride take?|- Not that long.
Everybody in the world's life|flashed before my eyes.
That's how much time I had.
I thought we were gonna die on that van.
It seemed a good possibility.
That van ride felt longer|than our train ride from Paris to Prague.
And we had that group of French boys|singing "Skater Boy " and smelling like a soccer field,|sitting all around us.
Oh, my God! You're back! Morey, they're back! - Are you hurt? Are you bleeding?|- No, we're fine.
You're fine? They're fine! Morey, they're fine! Okay.
What happened to you two?|According to the itinerary Rory gave me you were supposed|to be home on Saturday.
The itinerary that Rory gave you? When you girls didn't show up,|we panicked.
Morey! - Didn't we panic?|- Yeah.
Morey, you ever thought about staying|out here at times like these? By Sunday night,|I was a complete basket case.
I thought you'd been kidnapped|by some crazy Sandinistas.
'Cause the Sandinista movement|is so popular in France.
Finally I just started calling consulates.
- Consulates?|- How many consulates? Jeez, all of them.
Anyhow, you're here.
Let's go inside.
|I want to hear all about Europe.
- Morey, I'm going in!|- Okay.
You gave her an itinerary? I thought it'd be good|for someone to know where we were.
You gave her an itinerary,|and she called every consulate there is.
If we were caught smuggling hash|over the border and were thrown in a Turkish prison,|wouldn't you want someone to know we were in Turkey? Where did we get the hash to smuggle? You were at a café,|a guy sweet-talked you.
He put it in your purse|when you weren't looking.
At least tell me he was cute.
He was not bad for a hash dealer.
- I'm making cocoa!|- God.
She's making cocoa|'cause you gave her an itinerary.
I may have given her the itinerary,|but you're the one who got us busted for drug smuggling.
Reality has absolutely no place|in our world.
Okay I want to hear all about Europe.
|Come on, tell me.
What did you see? Everything.
Notre Dame,|the Roman baths - St.
Peter's Basilica.
|- Mom touched the Pope.
- You're kidding.
|- I just touched his car.
Then one of the Swiss Guards|in the fruity clothing busted me.
Luckily, Mom is fluent in flirting.
Flirting with a guy in a pom-pom hat|and a skirt is an accomplishment.
It sounds like you had a terrific trip.
It was.
You okay, hon? Yeah.
I'm just a little sleepy.
Of course.
You girls must be wiped.
- I'll get out of here.
|- But thanks, Babbette.
Good night.
Sleep tight.
|I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Morey, I'm coming home! - I'm gonna go unpack.
|- Unpack tomorrow.
No, if I leave stuff packed overnight,|everything's gonna get gross.
Everything's already gross.
Oh, my God.
Your bed feels good.
Do not get comfortable.
|I will sleep on top of you if I have to.
- Man, smell this.
|- What? I forgot that pillows|don't have to smell like feet.
I have to say, I think it's good|I did this hostel thing in my 30s and I'll tell you why.
I missed you.
I missed you all! If I had done it in my 20s or teens I would have been naive enough to think|that hostels were exotic and romantic.
But once you're in your 30s,|you've lived enough to know they're gross|and should be avoided at all costs.
I had a dream about you in Copenhagen.
You were there, and you and you and you.
Since we slept on the plane we should go to sleep now,|but get up really early tomorrow.
We don't want to blow this week|being jet-lagged.
We need|to establish normal sleeping patterns.
- Fine.
|- I'm gonna take a shower and leave you alone|to make out with your sock drawer.
Close the door.
Hello, boys.
Gilmore, Lorelai.
Yes.
My daughter's name is Lorelai also.
Very confusing or, in your case,|extremely convenient.
No, see, we were never missing.
|It was a big mistake.
- Who are you talking to?|- Belgium.
Yes, Babbette Dell.
|She got our arrival dates mixed up and she was just worried, but we're fine.
We are here.
We just loved your fries.
Okay, sure.
Bye-bye.
Okay, Belgium's done,|Lisbon's calling me back Berlin had no idea what I was|talking about and Paris is pissed.
- At who?|- Who knows? Okay, I'm taking a break,|and then I'm taking on the Netherlands.
- I still cannot believe Babbette did this.
|- She just loves us.
Be a little less lovable, would you?|It's costing me a fortune.
Try being one of those kids|where people are like: "Oh, really? She was kidnapped?|Hey, well, thin the herd.
" - Very nice.
Who are the rosary beads for?|- They're mine.
- What do you need rosary beads for?|- They're cute.
They're for prayer.
Pray they match my blue suit? They've just upgraded you|to a queen-size bed Jacuzzi-tub junior suite in Hell.
"- Pietà" place mat?|- Gypsy.
How are you feeling? Not bad, just a little spacy.
Like a cold-medicine buzz? Maybe we got lucky and missed the jetlag.
I hope so, because we have|a very big week ahead of us.
- Oh, yeah?|- Yes.
I have here in my hand a schedule|of all the activities we are going to partake in over this week.
The final week of Rory Gilmore's life before she enters the ivy-covered,|hallowed halls of Yale University.
Schedule, please.
Today we get the presents to our friends,|then we hit the mall.
- Got it.
|- Tomorrow we get an early start and we hit three|of the crappier movies that are out.
Then we have dinner at Grandma's.
Which I will conveniently|not put down on my list in the hopes that it magically goes away.
Okay, the next day we hit New York see your fancy art galleries,|hit the Strand, pizza at John's.
Sunday, pick up all the stuff|you need for school and then a barbecue at Sookie's.
|Monday is mani-pedi, facial haircut, go to the psychic,|and stock up for Tuesday.
The day of all days.
"Godfather I, II," and "III " with extra showings of the Sofia|death scene over and over as long as the mallomars hold out.
- The perfect day.
|- I agree.
We have just enough of the biscotti|that we brought back from Milan - to last us the rest of the week.
|- Good.
Everything's in order.
Let's get going.
Get this stuff out of here.
We sure have a lot of gifts.
- Do we like this many people?|- I didn't think so.
Maybe we're getting soft in our old age.
I guess we should get some tote bags.
- What tote bags?|- We must have tote bags.
Where would we get tote bags? Every woman who's ever purchased|$75 worth of Clinique products - has some tote bags.
|- We don't have tote bags.
How are we supposed to get this stuff|out of here? Now we're the quirky backpack ladies.
One of the kinder nicknames|that have been attributed to us.
Let's be very efficient about this.
We'll start with Patty, work our way|clockwise around the town end with Andrew.
Let's stick with the|"My mom touched the Pope" anecdote.
It's quick, it's peppy,|and everybody likes a Pope story.
Do we have time to stop at Luke's?|I'm starving.
Absolutely.
This is our week.
|This week, we do anything we want.
I like this week.
I wonder if Luke and Nicole|actually went on that cruise.
I thought he was going.
- I know, but I wonder if he actually went.
|- Why wouldn't he? I don't know.
|Because he'd have to pack and leave plus he'd have to buy a bathing suit.
I hope he went.
|He could use a good vacation.
Plus he really seems to like Nicole.
Yeah, he does.
Okay, looks like the soda shop is open.
- I am gonna kill you!|- Please, you are not.
I am, too.
I should have killed you before.
The minute you put up|those unicorn topiaries in the park.
But, hey, hindsight, right? I've missed that.
What do you think, biscotti moment? Absolutely.
You don't have to yell, Luke.
- You put a giant window in my wall.
|- So what? A giant window, right here! You can see my entire diner and when I'm in my diner,|I can see your whole stupid store! I don't understand why yours is a diner|and mine is a "stupid store.
" Look at this place! Look at you.
All you need is six dancing penguins|and Mary Poppins floating in the corner to bring back|two of the worst hours of my childhood.
I don't think you had a childhood.
I think you came out a bitter, surly killjoy.
You can't change the basic structure|of this place without my okay! What? - Your hand is near the wax lips.
|- So? If you could just move it,|so you don't accidentally touch the candy.
Lucas.
What are you doing? You stop that right now! - Look at all the pretty candy!|- Stop it right now! Oh, my God.
- What's the matter?|- Luke.
- Yeah, he's finally lost it.
|- No, we forgot Luke.
We forgot Luke, what? We forgot to bring him back a gift.
- Oh, no!|- We kept putting it off.
We couldn't find anything good enough.
We should have got him|a bullfighter's uniform.
What do we do? We have to just pick up something here and we'll tell him|that we got it in Denmark.
- Pick up what?|- Something.
What? This is Stars Hollow.
Everything you buy here|has a Hello Kitty stamp on it.
We have to get him something.
|We can't go into Luke's empty-handed.
- Great.
|- Come on.
I'm hungry.
Sookie! - You're back!|- We're back! Don't squish baby! - I missed you so much!|- We missed you so much! - Hi.
|- Look at you! You look older.
Thanks, Sookie.
How was it? Was it wonderful? I want to hear everything you did|and everything you ate.
Was it warm? I read it was warm.
How was Barcelona?|Did you see the Gaudi apartments? Did you see a bullfight? Did you see Anne Frank's house?|Did you cry? Was Steven Spielberg there? I hear you touched the Pope! Are you hungry?|Do you want anything to eat? I've got quiche.
Hold on one sec here, missy.
|I need to look at you.
- Sideways, please.
|- Okay.
Hello.
Hi, nice to see you.
I'm your Auntie Lorelai,|and this is your Auntie Rory.
- Say hi, Rory.
|- Hey.
- Come over here.
|- No, I'm good.
- Come on, Rory, rub my stomach.
|- I'd rather not.
- Rory's a chicken.
|- So is Jackson.
I'm gonna like it when it comes out.
- What did the ultrasound say, boy or girl?|- It's a - It's a buh? What's a buh?|- Read.
"I do not want to know|the sex of my baby.
" That's right.
I'm going old school on this.
And he's being completely stubborn.
- But you know?|- Of course I know.
I have little clothes What? I said nothing about the sex.
You said "little,"|and now I know it's going to be little.
Jackson, seriously,|you don't want to know? In the old days, the guys would pace|back and forth in the waiting room until a pretty nurse in a nice, white outfit|would come out and say: "Congratulations.
It's a|Insert your chosen sex here.
" Ricky Ricardo didn't know,|Dick Van Dyke didn't know.
And, by gum, if it was good enough|for Rick and Dick - it's good enough for me.
|- I want to know.
Rory, what do you say? Be on my side.
Jackson, there are no sides.
We can be in that waiting room together,|pacing, waiting.
We'll get you a nice suit.
What do you say? Okay, sure.
I'm on Jackson's side.
- Great.
Welcome to 1954.
|- Happy to be here.
I want to know.
Come on.
I'll tell you outside.
- Sure you don't want to go?|- Read the button, missy.
Okay.
You hear about that whole "Sputnik" thing? Eisenhower's on top of it.
He's really not gonna be|in the delivery room with you? - Nope.
|- Does that bug you? Hey, I don't like Jackson|to see me shave my legs.
I'm opening the shed! - Okay.
Are you ready?|- For what? - It's a boy.
|- It's a boy! - Sookie, you're having a boy.
|- I know.
Jackson will finally have that son|to prune the trees with.
My God, it's so exciting.
A boy! A little boy.
- I know nothing about little boys.
|- Me, neither.
Man, you're prepared, aren't you? Yes, I am.
- It's so nice to be home.
|- It's nice to have you home.
- Have you seen Luke lately?|- Briefly.
- I guess he went on that cruise?|- Yup.
That's good.
That's good he went.
He needed a vacation.
He works hard, that one.
Always cooking making the coffee, taking the orders.
You know, I think something happened|on that trip of his.
What do you mean? The day he got back,|Jackson and I went to the diner.
I asked him how his trip was.
He couldn't|get away from me fast enough.
Really? Was Jackson wearing|that creepy button? Nope.
He just seemed|kind of freaked out about something.
- What?|- I don't know.
You think he and Nicole|had a fight or something? - I don't know.
|- He didn't say anything? Nope.
He just walked around|acting weirder than normal.
I wonder what that's all about.
Are you gonna name him Lorelai? Absolutely.
|That wouldn't be confusing at all.
I cannot believe you.
What? It's the perfect gift for Luke fine fancy jam from France.
- Fine fancy jam from Jackson's pantry.
|- I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm looking right here|at this beautiful handcrafted label and it says "fruits de la terre.
" You didn't even check|to make sure you got the French right.
Yes, well,|I think it adds an authentic touch.
In my world,|the person who made this jam was an illiterate orphan, Sochelle.
- As in Sochelle crab?|- Yes, exactly.
Sochelle was born by the sea or so said the note left in the bassinet when the nuns found her|on the steps of Notre Dame.
- Good, there are nuns.
|- Every sad story needs nuns.
Anyhow, Sochelle had nothing.
No father, no mother,|no friends, no education.
All she had|was a burning desire to make great jam.
Now she's the most successful|jamstress in Paris.
- Luke's gonna know.
|- No, he's not.
Much as I would like to be there|when you give Luke your gift I'm gonna go give Lane her gift.
Then I'll get all the credit for this.
Exactly as it should be.
- Give Lane a hug for me.
|- I will.
- Don't give him the jam.
|- I can't hear you! I'm too far away! "Bonjour," Luke.
- What?|- Hi, Luke.
- "Do you know how to tie your shoes?"|- Very good.
Yep.
It came in handy, let me tell you.
Not one shoelace fatality on my watch.
- You remembered.
|- Yeah, a couple things about you stick.
You have a good time? - What's that?|- "Your cat smells.
" You must've been a big hit|with the salon set.
It was incredible.
We had the best time.
We were supposed|to come back Saturday.
- I know.
|- Keeping tabs on me? Safer to know which direction|the tornado is coming from.
We were in London,|and we ran into this group of girls who were heading to Ireland|to stake out the Clarence Hotel.
Why? Because U2 owns it,|and Bono hangs out there.
Him again.
So then we jumped on a train|and headed to Ireland incredibly beautiful, by the way,|and we sat in a bar for two days and did nothing but eat|soda crackers and funky cheese and he never showed.
Que serà.
Still good.
I told them about you over there,|"Señor" Swanky Pants.
Can't tell you how grateful I am|to have you as my press agent.
And we got you something.
You did? - Yes, we did.
|- You didn't have to do that.
What are you talking about? We do not go to Europe and come back|without bringing something for Luke.
- Here.
|- Jam? Yes, fancy French jam.
"Fruits de la terre.
"Very impressive.
Handmade by this woman in Paris,|who has the most amazing story.
- Really?|- Yeah.
- Orphaned and illiterate.
|- Okay.
Just had nothing in her life|except this burning desire to be the world's greatest jamstress.
And she's famous now and she only makes three bottles|of that stuff a year and that's one of them,|and I brought it all the way across the - I got it from Sookie's house.
|- No.
- How did you know?|- Just a wild guess.
I swear we tried to get you something,|but nothing was good enough.
I didn't get you anything on my trip either.
|We're even.
Oh, yeah.
How was the cruise? It was, you know Not really.
I've never been on a cruise.
- So?|- It was fine.
Okay, so, you and Nicole had fun, then? Yeah.
Want more coffee? - What did you do?|- Where? What did you and Nicole do on the boat? We fluttered around and ate and there was a magic show and a singer.
And pillow mints and That's it.
But you and Nicole had a good time?|You got along and- - Yeah.
I'm gonna go check on your food.
|- Okay.
I didn't order anything yet.
Hi, Kirk.
What are you doing? I just put that there.
Scoop toward you, rolling smoothly.
Very good, Ginger.
|Nice symmetrical balls there, Joshua.
Easy on the nuts.
One cherry, and then present your sundae|with a Taylor tip.
- Excuse me, Taylor.
|- There you are.
Hello.
Your Majesty come to check|on your little kingdom.
- Ginger, hand me a spoon.
|- I was just walking by when I- - Here you are, on the house.
|- Thank you.
- Would you like an extra cherry?|- No.
If the Stars Hollow Ice Cream Queen|wants two cherries then she will get two cherries,|and to hell with the extra 25-cent charge.
Taylor, you didn't ask me|if I wanted to be the Ice Cream Queen.
- So?|- So, you didn't ask me.
You just put my picture on a flier|and stuck it up.
I couldn't ask you when you were|traipsing around Europe, could I? Don't worry about getting anything.
I have already rented a cape and a crown.
Just wear a nice simple sage-colored|floor-length dress and you'll be fine.
- I can't do it.
|- What do you mean, you can't do it? I mean I'm busy right now.
I only have a couple of days|before I go off to school and Mom and I have|every moment planned.
So I'm just going|to have to pass on this one.
I see.
You're going to pass.
|You're passing on this.
Fine.
Just consider yourself passed.
Look, I can still come by.
Can you? Really? You can find time|in your busy day to come by and eat my free ice cream|and take my free balloon and get yourself a free glitter hand stamp? You can swing that?|You don't have to pass on that? Taylor, don't take it like this.
In my own defense,|I assumed you would be thrilled based on your past participation record.
- This has nothing to do with-|- You've been the head Pilgrim girl at the food drive table.
Yes, that's for charity.
The third leprechaun|at the St.
Paddy's Day festival.
Yes, okay, but again, for charity.
You man the ticket booth|on Groundhog Day.
You help organize|the manger procession at Christmas.
You play Esther every year|at the Purim carnival.
I just assumed|you liked taking part in town events.
I do, but I can't this time.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
It's my own fault.
I should have figured|that once you got into Yale everything would be different.
- That's not fair.
|- No, I understand.
You're no longer|our little Stars Hollow Rory Gilmore.
You belong to the Ivy Leagues right now.
It's time to cut those small-town ties|and go off and do something important like go to drama school or have one of|those high-class naked parties with that Bush girl.
- Taylor!|- Okay.
See you around the quad.
Okay.
That took way longer|than it was supposed to.
From now on when we go out of town,|no presents for anyone.
We'll just buy everyone a big|crate of "fruits de la terre.
" That horse is dead.
Put the stick down.
Now we're way behind in our schedule,|so I propose a change.
Hold off on the frivolous|shopping until tomorrow.
What's up? That Taylor thing is still bugging me.
I can't believe|you didn't call me to see the fight.
Maybe I am different,|maybe I do have an attitude.
I think you do.
I've always had time for the town,|and now suddenly I don't.
Am I changing? I don't want to change.
I don't want to be the anti-town girl.
|I'm not Daria.
He is just messing with your mind.
|It's his specialty.
- Ignore him.
|- I guess.
No mail yet.
We agreed.
|We're still on vacation.
I'll just look through my mail.
|Yours can sit there.
But you're back in the real world|and I'm in vacation land, alone.
That's not fun.
Oh, no! - What?|- Oh, no! - What, "Oh, no"?|- Oh, no! You're kind of freaking me out here.
- I wrote the date down wrong.
|- What date? This is from Yale.
|My orientation is Saturday.
- Right, next Saturday.
|- No, this Saturday.
- No, next Saturday.
|- No, this Saturday.
But today's Thursday.
That means we- I have to be at school day after tomorrow.
But, no! We had a free week.
|I had it all scheduled out.
- I wrote the date wrong.
|- Why would you do that? You never write the date down wrong.
I wrote it before we left,|and I wrote it wrong.
- We were supposed to have a week.
|- Well, we don't.
I can't believe you wrote|the date down wrong.
I can't believe you weren't|gonna let me open the mail.
Can't believe you wrote the date wrong.
Can't believe you made us go to Ireland|to stalk Bono.
Not fair.
You have more "I can't believes.
" - This sucks!|- This totally sucks! I'm not ready.
I haven't packed.
|I have things to get.
We were going|to watch the three "Godfathers " and Sofia dying over and over|and eat our biscotti.
Listen, calm down.
|We just need to revise our plan.
- We were supposed to have a week.
|- Okay, tonight we stay home and pack.
Tomorrow we get up early.
|We get all the stuff you need which gives us time to watch|two "Godfathers" and a Sofia dying.
We'll still have a partial day|and a great biscotti night.
- Chinese.
|- What? - Food.
Order it.
Go.
|- No time for full sentences.
Ordering.
I shouldn't have taken|that third Excedrin PM last night.
Third? Why did you take three? Originally I took two.
|Then around 4:00 in the morning I woke up|and had a major Marilyn moment.
I forgot that I'd taken some,|so I popped a third one.
Now I'm about ready|to sleep with a Kennedy.
I hear Carrie's available.
Okay, let's sit.
- Mr.
Jetlag wants to be my best friend.
|- You want to go home and rest? No.
We have a "Godfather" night to salvage.
Check the list.
Okay, we got sheets, towels,|bathroom shower caddy and the basic first-aid accoutrements.
We still need to hit the beauty supply,|the hardware store, stationery store- The mattress store.
You do know they supply you|with a mattress at the dorm.
A mattress that decades of students in various states of cleanliness|have slept on some without pajamas.
- Gross!|- Exactly.
We're running around and the list isn't|getting any shorter.
We'll never finish.
Stop.
Yes, we are.
|We just need to split up.
I'll take the beauty supply|and you take the stationery store and we'll meet back here in 20 minutes! Okay! - Oh, boy.
|- What? I'm gonna have to walk past|that stupid grand opening.
I'd take the stationery store,|but you're so weird on what pens you like.
No.
I'll just walk really fast.
|Maybe Taylor won't notice me.
You better walk really fast,|like "Warp speed, Mr.
Sulu" kind of fast.
- Go!|- Twenty minutes.
These and many other flavors|await your tongues at Taylor's Olde Fashioned Soda Shoppe|and candy store.
I want to thank you all|for coming here today to help us celebrate our grand opening.
Now, originally we were supposed to have|our Ice Cream Queen here but, unfortunately, kids,|she was just too busy.
She just couldn't find time|in her busy queen's schedule to come play with all of you here today.
I know, Christy, but take heart.
We still have balloons and music and as a special treat a little later a skydiver is going to drop from the sky and land right here in front of Taylor's Olde Fashioned|Soda Shoppe and candy store Isn't that great, kids? A skydiver, who isn't too busy|to come play with you will be here soon.
Hey, Kirk.
Hello.
I'm looking for a good daytime cream|and a good nighttime cream.
- For you?|- No, for Rory.
Is she sensitive, prone to breakouts|if the cream is too heavy? - Yeah.
|- I thought so.
Okay.
First of all,|I would stay far away from that one.
Much too rich for her.
This one is light, with a fresh citrus scent,|and it is completely natural.
We like that.
For day, I would recommend|something with a sunscreen.
Rory has a classic|peaches-and-cream complexion and it would be a crime if,|when she got older her face started to look like a cowboy.
- I couldn't agree more.
|- All right.
This should work.
Thank you.
You know,|I heard you got back from your trip.
Yep, I'm living proof.
Miss Patty showed me|the castanets you got her.
- Yeah?|- Yeah.
And Andrew showed me the T-shirt|from the Picasso Museum.
I must admit I was a little jealous.
|I mean, I hate Picasso, but I love T-shirts.
And Pete really enjoyed the Tower|of London nutcracker you got him.
A nutcracker's very useful to have around.
I can't tell you how many times|I've been sitting in my living room with a nut thinking,|"If only I had a way to crack this.
" Okay, Kirk, I'm really sorry.
We got a little messed up on the presents.
|It just got so crazy over there.
We forgot|to bring something back for Luke.
- I heard he got jam.
|- Fake jam.
- I love fake jam.
|- I'm gonna make this up to you, okay? Really? I promise.
We never meant to forget you.
Okay.
Sure.
You can make it up to me.
- Okay.
Now, how much do I owe you?|- $45.
50.
You're lucky you came in when you did.
I'm closing a little early today.
- Lucky me.
|- Yep.
Kirk, no.
Taylor paid me $20 to jump out of a plane|for the grand opening.
No! I took a lesson.
|The guy said I was a natural at falling.
Kirk, listen to me.
This is the best gift|I could possibly give you.
Don't do that, okay? Do I still get the jam? Thanks a lot! Yale can have you! - Honey, did you get your silly pens?|- Yes.
Good.
I can mark these two things off|and we only have - about 10,000 other things to do.
|- Great.
The only way we're gonna|get this done is if we prioritize.
- Meaning?|- Something has to go.
- Biscotti night.
|- No! Not biscotti night.
I think we should bail|on Friday night dinner.
- Cancel on Grandma?|- Yes.
Cancel on Grandma.
- I can't do that.
|- We need to get this before tomorrow.
There's no way we can, if we drive|to Hartford and back.
She'll understand.
The first part was true.
- I can't skip dinner.
|- Come on! We're gonna go to dinner next week|and every week for the rest of our lives and I do mean the rest of our lives,|because my parents will outlive us.
The damned can do that.
Mom, I made a deal.
This is why|I get to go to Yale.
I can't back out.
- It's our last night.
|- I have to go.
You don't have to, but I do.
What do you mean? I was very clear when I made this deal|that it was only for me.
You're right.
I don't have to go.
|Oddly liberating feeling.
I don't have to go.
|I do not have to go to dinner.
- Mom.
|- Hang on.
I'm not done.
I do not have to go ever|if I'm not in the mood.
- Mom!|- I'm not going.
I'll finish all the errands.
- Really?|- Yes.
You go and eat really fast,|and then get out of there.
Meet me back here at 9:30,|10:00 at the latest and we'll do "Godfather I " through "Monday, Tuesday, Thursday,"|and a quick Sofia dying.
- Deal.
|- Remember, eat fast.
Now, just picture her|sitting here just like this smiling and waving.
"Hello, kids.
I'm the Ice Cream Queen.
" Okay, that's it.
I humiliate myself at least|six times a year for this town and just because I'm going to Yale,|that's not going to stop.
Now, the reason|I am not the Ice Cream Queen is because Taylor never asked me.
I didn't know about it.
|That's why I was busy.
I love this town.
I will be back|in that ridiculous Pilgrim outfit at Thanksgiving.
So, everybody, just get off my back! Richard, they're here.
|Put those papers away and fix your tie.
- Hey, Grandma.
|- Hello, Rory.
- Nice to see you.
|- It's nice to see you, too.
Come on in.
I'm sorry I'm a little late.
You're here now,|and that's all that matters.
- Shall we go into the living room?|- Yes.
Then I can give you your present.
My present? That sounds very interesting.
We bought it in Paris because Mom said|you loved Paris the most.
I wonder what it could be.
For you.
Oh, my.
It's lovely, Rory, really.
Just beautiful.
It was between this|and the Arc de Triomphe but Mom said the Eiffel Tower was fancier.
- I agree, and I love it.
Thank you.
|- You're welcome.
So, where is your mother tonight?|Not sick, I hope.
No, she's fine.
|She just had some things to do.
- Things.
|- Errands, actually.
Errands.
Of course.
But she'll be here next weekend.
|She says she's looking forward to it.
Emily, I'm expecting a call.
|There's nothing I can do so please don't be upset|when I leave the table.
Rory! How lovely to see you.
|How was the first European excursion? It was perfect.
Lorelai had chores to do tonight.
- Chores?|- Errands, you know.
Errands? That's why she didn't come.
|She had to run errands.
She's looking to being here|next weekend.
Isn't that nice? - I suppose.
|- I think so, too.
- Would you like to see my present?|- That's very nice.
- That'll fit with your collection, Emily.
|- Yes, it will.
We got something for you, too, Grandpa.
Well! I guess you're not the only one|who gets a treat tonight.
Just when I thought I was special.
Look at that! That's beautiful.
We found this amazing pipe store|in Copenhagen.
The man there can carve|anything you want.
His family's been doing it|for over 150 years.
They had a whole set|of "Alice in Wonderland" pipes that Mom wanted,|but they were too expensive so we got the Queen of Hearts.
I love it.
Yes, and you're going to love it|outside on the patio.
As you wish, my dear.
That's my call.
Hurry back, or we'll start without you.
Five minutes, 10, tops.
He'll be an hour.
Is his new business going well? Who knows? He's not around|long enough to find out.
- Dinner is served, Mrs.
Gilmore.
|- All right, Gerta.
I guess we should go in and eat.
- What about Grandpa?|- We'll save him something.
Okay.
Rory, tell me, how were the Gundersons? - The who?|- The Gundersons, our friends in Zurich.
The ones we told you two|to look up when you got there.
The Gundersons.
Right.
They'd better have|given you a first-class welcome especially after that son of theirs squatted|here for over a month last year.
- And ruined the rug in the guest room.
|- That's right.
I hope you ruined one of their rugs as well.
Actually, we didn't get a chance|to see the Gundersons.
Were they out of town? - Well-|- You did go to Zurich, didn't you? Yes, but, you know,|Zurich was so crazy for us that we just figured,|"We'll catch them next time.
" You didn't call them? - There really wasn't time.
|- What about the Egerholms in Denmark? Is their new house a monstrosity? If you think Zurich was hectic,|then Denmark was just You didn't call them? No.
- The Rezoscos in Florence?|- No.
- The Talbots in London?|- We were only in London for two days.
Who did you look up|when you went to Europe? - Jim Morrison says hello.
|- You didn't look up one of our friends? We must have given you 15 names.
But we got so caught up|in the backpacking aspect of it that it just kind of slipped our minds.
You know what that means, Emily.
We'll have to stay with the Gundersons|when we go to Zurich in the fall.
Would you like another piece of chicken? - Tiresome people.
|- I've already had two, Grandma.
- Why are we friends with them, again?|- Just take it and nibble at it if you want to.
- Gerta, you can put the soufflé in now.
|- Soufflé? Yes, we're going to have|a special dessert something to celebrate your homecoming.
Why didn't she put it in the oven|when we sat down to dinner? Every time we go to Paris,|I marvel at their ability to turn a simple meal|into a three or four-hour event.
It makes every day seem like a party.
So tonight I thought we'd be European.
I thought maybe we'd have a cheese plate|before dessert and coffee.
How does that sound, "bon?" Oh, yes, very "bon.
" It's nice to mix it up once in a while.
|I have a wonderful idea.
Rory, have you ever seen|a ballroom-dancing competition? - No.
|- You would love it.
It is so exciting,|and the costumes are beautiful.
I've been taping them since 1978,|can you imagine? - No.
|- All right, then, after dessert you and I will hunker down|in that den we never use and I am pulling out those tapes.
We'll start at the beginning|and see how far we get.
Perfect.
Here's the cheese.
|I'll take that, Gerta.
Richard, do you want to start? You think you go|to a fancy school like Yale there'd be a mattress in the room.
- Go figure.
|- You packed her stuff in Hefty bags? - She's lucky I had these in the house.
|- You need luggage, ask me.
- You have luggage?|- Yes, why wouldn't I have luggage? - You never go anywhere.
|- I just went on a seven-country cruise.
That's right, the mystery cruise|you don't want to talk about.
I told you I brought luggage.
|What more info do you need? - Why won't you tell me what happened?|- Because.
Why? Luke, I swear, I'm dying to know.
But every time I bring it up, you spaz out.
- Why won't you tell me? I would tell you.
|- Yes, but I wouldn't want to know.
Did something happen|with you and Nicole? Yes.
What? Did you propose? Yes.
My God.
You proposed? Yes, I proposed.
This is big.
- This is huge.
|- There's more.
There's more? Okay, what? - Did she say yes?|- Yes.
She said yes.
|You proposed, and she said yes.
There's more.
There's more after you proposed|and she said yes? What? We got married.
You got married?|How could you get married? - We asked the Captain, and he married us.
|- And that's legal? - Apparently.
|- So you're married? Legally married? - This is just-|- Actually, there's a little more.
And she's pregnant.
|My God.
You finally reproduced.
We're getting divorced.
- I'm gonna sit down now.
|- It just all happened so fast.
- Yeah.
|- You're in the middle of nowhere and everything's moving,|and you feel weird all the time.
There's this endless supply|of food and drink.
Midnight buffets, by the way,|are why the world hates us.
Everyone around us was either|in love, engaged or celebrating|their 100th wedding anniversary.
We were having a good time.
- There you go.
|- There you go.
The next morning we both woke up|and realized we'd lost our minds.
We tried to ignore it for a while,|went snorkeling.
But by the time we hit land,|we were separated and now we're getting divorced.
Okay.
My jetlag and your love life|is making me dizzy.
- Is there more?|- Nope, that's it.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Look on the bright side.
Now that you've been married,|it'll silence all those questions.
What questions? You know, a single man|of a certain age who lives alone? - You're kidding.
|- I always defended you.
I always said, "So what if he is?" Thank you for your support.
- Hello?|- She's taken me hostage.
- What?|- She's not letting me leave.
Dinner lasted an hour.
She didn't put the soufflé in the oven|until we'd finished and now we're watching taped|ballroom-dancing competitions that date back to the 1800s.
- You haven't left yet?|- Are you listening to me? I can't leave.
She won't let me leave ever.
This is Iran in '79, and you|are Jimmy Carter.
What do we do? First we lose|the Jimmy Carter comparison and second, I have to come get you.
This is about me, and me not showing up.
Maybe if I put in an appearance,|she'll let you go.
Okay, but come quickly,|because she's got a lot of tapes and they rewind really slow.
I'm on my way.
I have to go get Rory.
Everything okay? You know, my mother's a psycho,|so business as usual.
- Yeah.
|- Thanks for the help.
- Sure.
|- And I am sorry.
I'll be fine.
Strong wind.
I think you're going to see|quite a difference from the early '80s.
They really start to mix it up in '88.
See that move?|Five years ago, it was not allowed.
Could have gotten you kicked right out.
- That's harsh.
|- Yes.
Ballroom dancing can be very harsh.
Look.
The couple in the purple feathers.
That's Corky and Shirley Ballas.
|I love them.
They are so talented.
Corky's actually writing a musical|based on their life as ballroom champions.
And their son, Corky Jr,|is going to play him as a young man.
Wow.
Two Corkys in one show.
|You don't see that every day.
Mom, hi! - There you guys are.
|- What are you doing here? I just happened to be|in the neighborhood and I thought,|"What's doing at the Gilmore house?" We're watching|National Ballroom Dancing Competition.
You are? That sounds fun.
|Mind if I watch with you? - I don't think you'd enjoy it.
|- No, I'm sure I would.
- You've missed the beginning.
|- I bet you can catch me up.
Rory, would you go ask Gerta|if she would make me some tea? Sure, Grandma.
No, nothing for me, Mom, thanks.
|So, what's new? You obviously weren't|just in the neighborhood so why don't you tell me|what you're doing here? You know, I came to see you.
- You came to get Rory.
|- Mom, she's been here for hours.
Patty Hearst had a shorter incarceration.
She's not being held hostage.
|I resent that.
She's spending time with me,|something you don't want to do.
Mom, I'm sorry I missed dinner tonight.
Come to dinner, don't come,|it makes no difference to me.
You are under no obligation|to us any longer.
- I know, but-|- You're very busy.
I understand.
- I wouldn't want to keep you any longer.
|- Mom, please let me take Rory with me.
- No.
Tonight is my night with Rory.
|- You're keeping her from me on purpose.
If Rory wants to leave,|she can ask to leave.
She's not a 4-year-old.
She's not gonna hurt your feelings|by asking to leave.
Why should she?|She knows you'll be along to do it for her.
Why do you|always make everything so hard? Don't you understand?|This is my last night with my daughter.
She goes off to college tomorrow.
Which is why I was so surprised|you didn't want to be with her.
- I do!|- Then you should have come.
- I couldn't.
|- You wouldn't.
I swear to God.
Where's Dad? He went to bed hours ago.
He went to bed? It was getting late.
Why are you laughing? You've got Rory locked in here|with the "Mambo Kings " and Dad went to bed.
So what? Why is that funny? Because she's here, and he's there and, God, I'm so tired.
- What's so funny?|- She's having a fit.
- Mom?|- Oh, my God.
What? I just got the Jimmy Carter reference.
As soon as you're both done Watch this.
This part's really good.
That has got to hurt.
- Cool, huh?|- Extremely.
Plus the whole matching-haircut thing adds a level of commitment to their act|that the other acts just lack.
Careful where you put the hand, mister.
They rehearse every night,|plus they have classes plus they go to the gym|four times a week? My God.
She's balancing on his hand.
|He is like Superman or Wonder Woman.
Either way, he's very strong.
So, tomorrow Yeah, tomorrow.
It's a big day.
It's a really big day.
I just hope it's everything|I've been imagining it to be.
I just hope you actually get there.
If Sofia could just die during a fox trot,|that would be perfect.
Biscotti? Yes, please.
They're all broken.
I know.
I like them like that.
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