Gintama (2005) s04e01 Episode Script
A Conversation With a Barber During a Haircut is The Most Pointless Thing in The World
[New TV Show.]
The land of the host.
[Note: Spoof of Episode 3.]
There was a time, long ago, when our town was called by that name.
Those dream-filled Shinjuku skies, upon which Japanese hosts once gazed upon their dreams, are now filled with words by hosts from foreign countries.
However, there were two men.
The enigmatic vagrant, Gintoki Sakata and the former number one host, Shinpachi Buttchin.
The two of them still run in this corrupt night town.
[Note: "Kintama" - homonym for "testicles.
" Also, "Kin" means "gold" as opposed to "Gin" (silver).
.]
[Episode 1.]
And drink! And drink! Drink until you puke! Drink until you puke! [Note: Spoof of drinking game.
/ Original text is Shigeo Nomo, combination of two baseball players Hideo Nomo and Shigeo Nagashima.
Nomo sounds like "to drink" in Japanese.
.]
Chug one! Chug two! Chug-a-choo-choo! And chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! You idiot! I'm so sorry, Erica-sama.
Nowadays, even a chimpanzee could do this! Why can't you do this? I-I'm sorry.
Being the number one host is the only thing I've ever done That number one stuff and your customers are all gone! How long are you going to act as if you're popular? Huh? Come on now.
Just leave it at that.
Don't bother with the drinks.
Just get me a light.
Oh All right.
Right away.
What are you doing, Buttchin?! I can't help but want to mess with him.
My position and customers have been taken away.
I have abandoned my pride and everything else.
What are you doing, Shinpachi?! I'm so sorry, Miss.
You apologize too, you worthless piece of trash! Hey.
He was too fierce to be called a host.
But too focused to be called a customer.
Where's your restroom? He was just passing through! [To Be Continued.]
One, two, three! Go! Here! Four mitarashi, right? [Note: Mitarashi are sweet soy sauce flavored dango.
.]
Please come again! Do you know why Chonmage turned into something that involved shaving? [Note: Chonmage is the traditional Japanese topknot hairstyle worn from the Edo to Meiji period.
.]
People started growing pimples on the top of their head or something? No, no.
It was so it wouldn't get too stuffy when they put their helmets on.
In other words, it's a symbol of how the samurai are always prepared for battle.
Like the spirit of a samurai.
Spirit, huh But these days, they've given up the Mage hairstyle and the spirit.
[Note: Mage is short for Chonmage.]
Now they want their hair all curly or dyed.
Wouldn't the Land of Samurai be shocked to know? It's a disgrace.
Isn't that right? So what'll it be today? A straight perm.
You never give up, Pops.
You can tell that story for the rest of your life and I still won't ask for a Mage.
A straight perm.
You never give up, big guy.
That won't be enough to fix your hair.
Your twisted personality is twisting your hair.
Just go with a Mage.
We have to fix you from the inside.
Cut it out already.
A Mage is the spirit of a samurai? That's just an excuse those balding oldies came up with.
"This isn't a receding hairline.
It's so I can wear the helmet.
" Put a wig on before you wear the helmet, moron.
You have no idea.
You don't shave your head so you can put the helmet on.
You become bald because you're wearing a helmet.
[Note:Ayrton Senna de Silva, Formula 1 driver.]
Bruno ***na, Rubens *******ello [Note: Rubens Barrichello, Formula 1 driver.
.]
Even *****neuve, famous for being handsome, had a receding hairline after four years in the F1.
[Note: Jacques Villeneuve.
Also Formula 1 driver.]
Going airtight can lead to scary results.
F1 drivers don't tie their hair back.
See? Not only is Mage part of the identity, the whole idea is a kind of practice, where everyone shaves their head so bald people don't feel bad.
We can all go bald together.
What's that? Some kind of human instrumentality project? [Note: From Neon Genesis Evangelion.]
You done yet, Gin-chan? Huh? Hey, what is this? That's not cleaned up at all.
He'll have to come get it cut again in no time.
Cut it shorter.
Master, please give him a buzz cut.
Mom?! An afro perm works, too.
One that takes a really long time.
Why are you trying to read all of Golgo 17? [Note: Spoof of Golgo 13.]
Get lost, moron.
This isn't a manga cafe! What? I'm in the middle of the episode "Shen Long".
[Note: Dragon god from DRAGON BALL.
.]
Golgo has accepted an offer to fight Shen Long for control of the school! Ah, it's fine.
Read as long as you want.
For real? Golgo 17 is a wonderful manga.
You'll become smarter.
You'll become the prime minister.
[Note: The current Prime Minister of Japan, Taro Aso, is known for being big manga fan.
.]
But your mouth will become crooked.
Can I read Abu-san, too? Go ahead.
Ah, Kagura-chan, you've got some beefy taste in manga.
Abu-san's another good manga.
Who would have thought that they could go thirty years just by catching abu.
[Note: Abu is horsefly in Japanese.
"Abu-san" manga is really about a baseball player.
This manga has been serialized in Big Comic Original since 1973.
.]
He's already passed his sixtieth birthday.
I can't even imagine what that manga's about.
Well, I don't get any customers anyway.
Feel free to come read whenever you like.
Business is bad, Pops? A new beauty parlor I guess they call them hair salons now? Or is it hair cut studios? was built across the street.
Ever since, my customers stopped coming.
I don't know if they've got some charismatic hairdresser or a guy with scissor hands, but their business is through the roof.
They charge outrageous prices while providing half-assed service for their customers.
A barbershop isn't just for cutting hair.
It's a place for people to interact with one another.
In the old days, you could go to a barbershop and learn everything about the town.
People would gather to have fun.
I cared more about that aspect than being fashionable or whatnot.
You can cut through hair, but you can never cut through the bonds between human beings.
Here, the complete collection of Abu-san.
Thanks, Master.
And in the end, curious fellas like you guys were the only ones that still came around.
Yeah, the world's become a hard place to live in.
Pops Uh, enough of that crap already.
Could you cut my hair already? Don't worry.
We don't come here for the sole purpose of getting our hair cut.
We also come to see you, Pops.
Ooh, you sure know how to make this old man happy.
Right, right.
But we're also here to get our hair cut, so cut my hair.
Human interaction is important.
But Master, volume 7 of Abu-san is missing.
What?! You know, this is a barbershop, so you should cut my hair.
You're right.
Abu-san volume 7 is missing! What is going on here?! I don't see it anywhere.
I-Impossible Why volume 7 Yeah, can you stop talking about Abu-san and cut my hair? Then I'll go run and buy volume 7! Look after the store for me! Roger! Cut my hair! "A conversation with a barber, during a haircut, is the most pointless thing in the world" Where's Pops? He went to buy volume 7 of Abu-san so he should be back soon.
He told us to look after the store for him.
Abu-san! There probably won't be any customers, so we should be fine.
Why would a barber ditch his customer to go buy Abu-san? Why do I have to put up with this when I came here to get a haircut? Wow, the place across the street is so popular.
I wonder if there's anything we can do.
At this rate, this shop will really go out of business.
Well, yeah! That guy doesn't give a damn about being a barber or human interaction or anything! He only cares about Abu-san! Huh? From the back, that looks like It's Kondo-san.
I wonder what he's doing over there.
He's walking back and forth in front of the salon.
What's that gorilla doing? Don't tell me he wants to get a makeover.
He wants to shed his gorilla skin and become a higher-evolved gorilla? Oh, he's going in.
Huh? He turned back.
Oh, he's going in.
Huh? He's not going in.
Huh? Is this the right place? Did I make a mistake Hey, look at him.
He's scared stiff.
He came to get a makeover, but the salon's so fancy that he's scared to go in.
Moron.
That's more sad than pathetic I feel like rooting for him.
Oh, an employee came out.
Do you need something? Ah! Excuse me! I-I heard that a n-new barbershop was built around here! So, I wanted to f-find it! D-Do you know where it is? I-I happen to be d-desperately looking for a new b-barbershop! You know it's the place.
Just go in already.
Just get to the point.
I don't know if it's new or not, but there's a barbershop across the street.
He was denied! He was casually denied access and directed to a different shop! The gorilla was just dissed.
You were just dissed, gorilla.
Dissed gorilla.
Huh? Uh Is that right? The one over there.
He's tearing up! It hurts to watch him! Stop! Stop! But it looks like people are getting their hair cut here, so maybe I should try this one.
Actually, this one looks better Ah, sorry, but we're a factory that makes brushes out of hair.
Now he's being lied to! Being denied with a blatant lie! Seriously, they really don't want him inside! Oh, brushes So that's it.
But yeah, I wouldn't mind my hair being used for brushes Sorry, I forgot to tell you.
Yesterday, we turned into a place that's researching how to use the protein in hair to make meat and soy sauce.
Ah, protein? Ah, meat In that case, you can use my hair! See? Nice and healthy! It's so hard it gives me trouble! Ah, sorry.
And yeah, can I just give it to you straight? You're scaring the other customers, so could you stop hanging around here? I really don't want to say this, but stalking is despicable.
No! No! No! No! What?! No, hold on! Huh?! Please wait! Usually, it's But this time I'm going to call the cops.
Huh? Wait The cops? I'm a cop Hey, give it up already, old-timer.
Get lost! I'll crush you for real.
Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Huh? Am I crying? What is this feeling? It's really uncomfortable.
What is this? What are we supposed to do? What should we do? Hey? This is terrible! You have to feel bad for him this time! I'm gonna go beat the crap out of those people! No, that won't do.
Huh? Listen up.
Men are stupid creatures who have a need to put on airs.
If we go help him out of this ugly situation, the gorilla will lose face, right? We'll pretend that we didn't see anything.
We didn't see anything today.
Got it? Uh, Gin-san.
Kondo-san's coming over here What? He's coming? Hold on! This is going to be awkward! I have no idea how to deal with him! We can't just make fun of him like usual! I don't want to finish him off when he's on the verge of death! What do I do?! What should I do?! Excuse me.
I don't have an appointment Is that okay? Oh, a customer? Excuse me.
I don't have an appointment Is that okay? Oh, a customer? Sorry, we're booked for the day.
Could you come back tomorrow? Oh, really Even a dirty place like this won't even take me.
I'm like a gravely ill patient being tossed from hospital to hospital like a hot potato.
Wait, maybe I'm already dead and I just haven't realized it yet Ah! Wait! Wait! We were just on the phone and everyone's canceled! You're so lucky, Mister! Come in! Come in! Oh? It's okay? Of course! Of course! Come on! Sit down over here! What are you guys doing?! It's impossible! I can't do it! I can't turn him away! What do you mean, you can't turn him away?! Do you either of you know how to cut someone's hair? You're good with your hands, Gin-chan, so you should be able to do it.
You bring him in by yourself and make me do the hard work?! We have to do something for him! I feel so bad for him.
We can't turn him away like this! It'll work out somehow! We can do this if we work together! That's right! Dreams can come true! Why are you trying to sound like that "time does not betray dreams" stuff?! [Note: This is a phrase by Leiji Matsumoto.
He has sued Noriyuki Makihara for using this phrase in a song.
.]
Uh Oh, sorry! Thank you for waiting.
My hair is in your hands.
Let's see How short do you want it today? Uh, how short do I want it? Why are you assuming that I want it short?! No, you've got it wrong.
I'm not saying that I can only do short haircuts or anything.
You just had a look on your face like you wanted it short.
No, I don't want it short.
Uh, I'm looking for a complete makeover today.
I see.
A makeover.
It feels like everybody around me is good-looking, and they've always got girls screaming over them.
Meanwhile, I can't even get the girl I like to talk to me.
I never get any gifts either I just couldn't stand it anymore, so I wanted to try starting over from scratch Break down the man known as Isao Kondo until he's completely unrecognizable and be reborn as a totally new Isao Kondo.
Understood! I'll break you down! No! No! No! It was just a metaphor.
When I said break down, I meant to wash away this untrendy image.
And then, I want to become a completely different character.
Like I'm somebody else! Like you're somebody else Okay, okay.
I got it.
Then in SF2 terms, [Note: Street Fighter II the video game.
.]
it'd be like changing from Blanka to Zangief.
No! That's barely any change! You're going from one character nobody uses to another character nobody uses! In SF2 terms, it'd be like changing from E.
Honda to Guile.
Ah, so you want something like changing your nationality.
Yeah! Something big! Got it.
This will be a pretty big job, so for today, I'll just shave your face and shorten your hair before you go home for the day and come back tomorrow.
Why?! Why do I have to get my hair shortened and then go home?! There won't be anything left to do tomorrow! You're just shortening my hair! I already said that I don't need it shortened! Just forget about that already.
But you said you wanted Guile.
Guile has close-cropped hair.
I didn't mean that I wanted to look like Guile! And weren't you the one who started using SF2 examples?! Uh It would help if you could tell us how you want to look or give us a model or example of some sort.
Do you have a picture from a magazine or something? Yeah, I do.
Ah, then please show us.
Something like this.
No! That's physically impossible! The length of your hair is totally different! No, it's not just the hair I want to become a man that oozes beauty.
Uh, this is a barbershop.
I want to become a man that's soft and supple instead of ragged.
You should go to Shocker headquarters instead of a barbershop.
[Note: Shocker is an evil organization from Kamen Rider.
.]
Okay, I understand.
I'll do what I can to match this.
We'll start by coming up with a plan.
We'll shave your face in the meantime.
Ah, yes.
Please do.
Hey, what do we do about this, Gin-san? We'd have to change his entire physique.
Well, he seems to want to change his image rather than get a haircut.
So we'll have to change his hairstyle to change his image.
Excuse me.
This may sound awkward, but I heard that I could find a charismatic hairdresser of rare caliber here Th-This is terrible! The most violent pair of rivals just ran into each other! I'll steam your face! It's a little hot, so bear with me! Uh What did you want again? Well, you see.
I want to get a makeover.
So I need a charismatic hairdresser to cut my hair.
As usual, what is this guy doing?! But that's a relief.
He hasn't noticed.
I need to chase him out of here before things get ugly! You can find charismatic hairdressers across the street! Wow! Get lost, moron! Hey! Hey! We're working here! Cut that out! Want me to give you a buzz-cut? Shoo.
Shoo.
Get lost, scumface! Did you think you could fool me? Your desperate efforts cannot deceive my eyes.
Did he notice?! You are the charismatic hairdresser! No, I'm not You are.
I can tell by looking in your eyes.
The eyes of one who has mastered a craft by dedicating his all The eyes of a samurai who has seen many battles Yeah, that's cause I'm a samurai.
Here we are, meeting for the first time, yet I feel as if I've known you for a hundred years.
Yeah, we know each other.
Could you cut my hair? It's a pain to shampoo when it's this long.
Ah! Please don't go in without permission! It hurts! Hey! What are you doing?! I can't breathe! Ah, don't be in such a rush.
We'll wash your head for you.
Huh? Is he okay over there? That looks more like torture than washing his hair.
Okay.
Don't turn your head.
I'll be shaving your face, so that's dangerous.
M-Mr.
Charismatic Hairdresser! I can see that everything done by a charismatic hairdresser is different, down to the application of shampoo! Yes.
That's what they all say.
It's so intense that it feels like my hair roots are on fire! I can't open my eyes because they're stinging from the shampoo! You don't need to open them! Then we'll allow the shampoo to permeate your hair for a while.
Just sit still with your eyes closed.
Huh? Like this? What's the effect of letting the shampoo permeate my hair? It prevents any stupid movements.
What?! It can do that?! That was close.
They almost made contact.
What are we going to do, Gin-san? Don't tell me that we have to handle them both? We're going to leave now.
Huh?! Just think about it.
There is no reason for us to work so hard for them.
If we stay, we'll only get dragged into more trouble.
No, but Pops told us to look after the place for him He'll be back with his "Abu-san" soon enough.
He can handle the rest Oh, are you there? Sorry I'm late.
I came to return volume 7 of Abu-san.
Huh? He's not here? That's Katakuriko, what is this place? Hmm? The barbershop I frequent.
I was going to introduce you to my buddy, but he doesn't seem to be here.
Heh, oh well.
Let's just go hit a hostess bar.
Would he do my hair in a Mage? What kind of Mage would he do? Th-That's That's Fascinating.
Will you do my hair in a Mage? Th-The Shogun?! [To Be Continued.]
[Preview.]
I-It's impossible, big man! I can't touch the Shogun's Mage! Impossible! Absolutely impossible! You handle the rest! Wait! It's impossible for me, too! The next episode "The heavens created Chonmage above man instead of another man.
" [Note: A phrase by Yukichi Fukuzawa "Heaven doesn't make a man better than others, nor does it make a man worse than others.
" = all men are created equal.
.]
[The Great Shogun Shigeshige Tokugawa came to the barbershop!.]
[He's a General, but his you-know-what's a Private.
.]
[See you next time!.]
The land of the host.
[Note: Spoof of Episode 3.]
There was a time, long ago, when our town was called by that name.
Those dream-filled Shinjuku skies, upon which Japanese hosts once gazed upon their dreams, are now filled with words by hosts from foreign countries.
However, there were two men.
The enigmatic vagrant, Gintoki Sakata and the former number one host, Shinpachi Buttchin.
The two of them still run in this corrupt night town.
[Note: "Kintama" - homonym for "testicles.
" Also, "Kin" means "gold" as opposed to "Gin" (silver).
.]
[Episode 1.]
And drink! And drink! Drink until you puke! Drink until you puke! [Note: Spoof of drinking game.
/ Original text is Shigeo Nomo, combination of two baseball players Hideo Nomo and Shigeo Nagashima.
Nomo sounds like "to drink" in Japanese.
.]
Chug one! Chug two! Chug-a-choo-choo! And chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! You idiot! I'm so sorry, Erica-sama.
Nowadays, even a chimpanzee could do this! Why can't you do this? I-I'm sorry.
Being the number one host is the only thing I've ever done That number one stuff and your customers are all gone! How long are you going to act as if you're popular? Huh? Come on now.
Just leave it at that.
Don't bother with the drinks.
Just get me a light.
Oh All right.
Right away.
What are you doing, Buttchin?! I can't help but want to mess with him.
My position and customers have been taken away.
I have abandoned my pride and everything else.
What are you doing, Shinpachi?! I'm so sorry, Miss.
You apologize too, you worthless piece of trash! Hey.
He was too fierce to be called a host.
But too focused to be called a customer.
Where's your restroom? He was just passing through! [To Be Continued.]
One, two, three! Go! Here! Four mitarashi, right? [Note: Mitarashi are sweet soy sauce flavored dango.
.]
Please come again! Do you know why Chonmage turned into something that involved shaving? [Note: Chonmage is the traditional Japanese topknot hairstyle worn from the Edo to Meiji period.
.]
People started growing pimples on the top of their head or something? No, no.
It was so it wouldn't get too stuffy when they put their helmets on.
In other words, it's a symbol of how the samurai are always prepared for battle.
Like the spirit of a samurai.
Spirit, huh But these days, they've given up the Mage hairstyle and the spirit.
[Note: Mage is short for Chonmage.]
Now they want their hair all curly or dyed.
Wouldn't the Land of Samurai be shocked to know? It's a disgrace.
Isn't that right? So what'll it be today? A straight perm.
You never give up, Pops.
You can tell that story for the rest of your life and I still won't ask for a Mage.
A straight perm.
You never give up, big guy.
That won't be enough to fix your hair.
Your twisted personality is twisting your hair.
Just go with a Mage.
We have to fix you from the inside.
Cut it out already.
A Mage is the spirit of a samurai? That's just an excuse those balding oldies came up with.
"This isn't a receding hairline.
It's so I can wear the helmet.
" Put a wig on before you wear the helmet, moron.
You have no idea.
You don't shave your head so you can put the helmet on.
You become bald because you're wearing a helmet.
[Note:Ayrton Senna de Silva, Formula 1 driver.]
Bruno ***na, Rubens *******ello [Note: Rubens Barrichello, Formula 1 driver.
.]
Even *****neuve, famous for being handsome, had a receding hairline after four years in the F1.
[Note: Jacques Villeneuve.
Also Formula 1 driver.]
Going airtight can lead to scary results.
F1 drivers don't tie their hair back.
See? Not only is Mage part of the identity, the whole idea is a kind of practice, where everyone shaves their head so bald people don't feel bad.
We can all go bald together.
What's that? Some kind of human instrumentality project? [Note: From Neon Genesis Evangelion.]
You done yet, Gin-chan? Huh? Hey, what is this? That's not cleaned up at all.
He'll have to come get it cut again in no time.
Cut it shorter.
Master, please give him a buzz cut.
Mom?! An afro perm works, too.
One that takes a really long time.
Why are you trying to read all of Golgo 17? [Note: Spoof of Golgo 13.]
Get lost, moron.
This isn't a manga cafe! What? I'm in the middle of the episode "Shen Long".
[Note: Dragon god from DRAGON BALL.
.]
Golgo has accepted an offer to fight Shen Long for control of the school! Ah, it's fine.
Read as long as you want.
For real? Golgo 17 is a wonderful manga.
You'll become smarter.
You'll become the prime minister.
[Note: The current Prime Minister of Japan, Taro Aso, is known for being big manga fan.
.]
But your mouth will become crooked.
Can I read Abu-san, too? Go ahead.
Ah, Kagura-chan, you've got some beefy taste in manga.
Abu-san's another good manga.
Who would have thought that they could go thirty years just by catching abu.
[Note: Abu is horsefly in Japanese.
"Abu-san" manga is really about a baseball player.
This manga has been serialized in Big Comic Original since 1973.
.]
He's already passed his sixtieth birthday.
I can't even imagine what that manga's about.
Well, I don't get any customers anyway.
Feel free to come read whenever you like.
Business is bad, Pops? A new beauty parlor I guess they call them hair salons now? Or is it hair cut studios? was built across the street.
Ever since, my customers stopped coming.
I don't know if they've got some charismatic hairdresser or a guy with scissor hands, but their business is through the roof.
They charge outrageous prices while providing half-assed service for their customers.
A barbershop isn't just for cutting hair.
It's a place for people to interact with one another.
In the old days, you could go to a barbershop and learn everything about the town.
People would gather to have fun.
I cared more about that aspect than being fashionable or whatnot.
You can cut through hair, but you can never cut through the bonds between human beings.
Here, the complete collection of Abu-san.
Thanks, Master.
And in the end, curious fellas like you guys were the only ones that still came around.
Yeah, the world's become a hard place to live in.
Pops Uh, enough of that crap already.
Could you cut my hair already? Don't worry.
We don't come here for the sole purpose of getting our hair cut.
We also come to see you, Pops.
Ooh, you sure know how to make this old man happy.
Right, right.
But we're also here to get our hair cut, so cut my hair.
Human interaction is important.
But Master, volume 7 of Abu-san is missing.
What?! You know, this is a barbershop, so you should cut my hair.
You're right.
Abu-san volume 7 is missing! What is going on here?! I don't see it anywhere.
I-Impossible Why volume 7 Yeah, can you stop talking about Abu-san and cut my hair? Then I'll go run and buy volume 7! Look after the store for me! Roger! Cut my hair! "A conversation with a barber, during a haircut, is the most pointless thing in the world" Where's Pops? He went to buy volume 7 of Abu-san so he should be back soon.
He told us to look after the store for him.
Abu-san! There probably won't be any customers, so we should be fine.
Why would a barber ditch his customer to go buy Abu-san? Why do I have to put up with this when I came here to get a haircut? Wow, the place across the street is so popular.
I wonder if there's anything we can do.
At this rate, this shop will really go out of business.
Well, yeah! That guy doesn't give a damn about being a barber or human interaction or anything! He only cares about Abu-san! Huh? From the back, that looks like It's Kondo-san.
I wonder what he's doing over there.
He's walking back and forth in front of the salon.
What's that gorilla doing? Don't tell me he wants to get a makeover.
He wants to shed his gorilla skin and become a higher-evolved gorilla? Oh, he's going in.
Huh? He turned back.
Oh, he's going in.
Huh? He's not going in.
Huh? Is this the right place? Did I make a mistake Hey, look at him.
He's scared stiff.
He came to get a makeover, but the salon's so fancy that he's scared to go in.
Moron.
That's more sad than pathetic I feel like rooting for him.
Oh, an employee came out.
Do you need something? Ah! Excuse me! I-I heard that a n-new barbershop was built around here! So, I wanted to f-find it! D-Do you know where it is? I-I happen to be d-desperately looking for a new b-barbershop! You know it's the place.
Just go in already.
Just get to the point.
I don't know if it's new or not, but there's a barbershop across the street.
He was denied! He was casually denied access and directed to a different shop! The gorilla was just dissed.
You were just dissed, gorilla.
Dissed gorilla.
Huh? Uh Is that right? The one over there.
He's tearing up! It hurts to watch him! Stop! Stop! But it looks like people are getting their hair cut here, so maybe I should try this one.
Actually, this one looks better Ah, sorry, but we're a factory that makes brushes out of hair.
Now he's being lied to! Being denied with a blatant lie! Seriously, they really don't want him inside! Oh, brushes So that's it.
But yeah, I wouldn't mind my hair being used for brushes Sorry, I forgot to tell you.
Yesterday, we turned into a place that's researching how to use the protein in hair to make meat and soy sauce.
Ah, protein? Ah, meat In that case, you can use my hair! See? Nice and healthy! It's so hard it gives me trouble! Ah, sorry.
And yeah, can I just give it to you straight? You're scaring the other customers, so could you stop hanging around here? I really don't want to say this, but stalking is despicable.
No! No! No! No! What?! No, hold on! Huh?! Please wait! Usually, it's But this time I'm going to call the cops.
Huh? Wait The cops? I'm a cop Hey, give it up already, old-timer.
Get lost! I'll crush you for real.
Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Huh? Am I crying? What is this feeling? It's really uncomfortable.
What is this? What are we supposed to do? What should we do? Hey? This is terrible! You have to feel bad for him this time! I'm gonna go beat the crap out of those people! No, that won't do.
Huh? Listen up.
Men are stupid creatures who have a need to put on airs.
If we go help him out of this ugly situation, the gorilla will lose face, right? We'll pretend that we didn't see anything.
We didn't see anything today.
Got it? Uh, Gin-san.
Kondo-san's coming over here What? He's coming? Hold on! This is going to be awkward! I have no idea how to deal with him! We can't just make fun of him like usual! I don't want to finish him off when he's on the verge of death! What do I do?! What should I do?! Excuse me.
I don't have an appointment Is that okay? Oh, a customer? Excuse me.
I don't have an appointment Is that okay? Oh, a customer? Sorry, we're booked for the day.
Could you come back tomorrow? Oh, really Even a dirty place like this won't even take me.
I'm like a gravely ill patient being tossed from hospital to hospital like a hot potato.
Wait, maybe I'm already dead and I just haven't realized it yet Ah! Wait! Wait! We were just on the phone and everyone's canceled! You're so lucky, Mister! Come in! Come in! Oh? It's okay? Of course! Of course! Come on! Sit down over here! What are you guys doing?! It's impossible! I can't do it! I can't turn him away! What do you mean, you can't turn him away?! Do you either of you know how to cut someone's hair? You're good with your hands, Gin-chan, so you should be able to do it.
You bring him in by yourself and make me do the hard work?! We have to do something for him! I feel so bad for him.
We can't turn him away like this! It'll work out somehow! We can do this if we work together! That's right! Dreams can come true! Why are you trying to sound like that "time does not betray dreams" stuff?! [Note: This is a phrase by Leiji Matsumoto.
He has sued Noriyuki Makihara for using this phrase in a song.
.]
Uh Oh, sorry! Thank you for waiting.
My hair is in your hands.
Let's see How short do you want it today? Uh, how short do I want it? Why are you assuming that I want it short?! No, you've got it wrong.
I'm not saying that I can only do short haircuts or anything.
You just had a look on your face like you wanted it short.
No, I don't want it short.
Uh, I'm looking for a complete makeover today.
I see.
A makeover.
It feels like everybody around me is good-looking, and they've always got girls screaming over them.
Meanwhile, I can't even get the girl I like to talk to me.
I never get any gifts either I just couldn't stand it anymore, so I wanted to try starting over from scratch Break down the man known as Isao Kondo until he's completely unrecognizable and be reborn as a totally new Isao Kondo.
Understood! I'll break you down! No! No! No! It was just a metaphor.
When I said break down, I meant to wash away this untrendy image.
And then, I want to become a completely different character.
Like I'm somebody else! Like you're somebody else Okay, okay.
I got it.
Then in SF2 terms, [Note: Street Fighter II the video game.
.]
it'd be like changing from Blanka to Zangief.
No! That's barely any change! You're going from one character nobody uses to another character nobody uses! In SF2 terms, it'd be like changing from E.
Honda to Guile.
Ah, so you want something like changing your nationality.
Yeah! Something big! Got it.
This will be a pretty big job, so for today, I'll just shave your face and shorten your hair before you go home for the day and come back tomorrow.
Why?! Why do I have to get my hair shortened and then go home?! There won't be anything left to do tomorrow! You're just shortening my hair! I already said that I don't need it shortened! Just forget about that already.
But you said you wanted Guile.
Guile has close-cropped hair.
I didn't mean that I wanted to look like Guile! And weren't you the one who started using SF2 examples?! Uh It would help if you could tell us how you want to look or give us a model or example of some sort.
Do you have a picture from a magazine or something? Yeah, I do.
Ah, then please show us.
Something like this.
No! That's physically impossible! The length of your hair is totally different! No, it's not just the hair I want to become a man that oozes beauty.
Uh, this is a barbershop.
I want to become a man that's soft and supple instead of ragged.
You should go to Shocker headquarters instead of a barbershop.
[Note: Shocker is an evil organization from Kamen Rider.
.]
Okay, I understand.
I'll do what I can to match this.
We'll start by coming up with a plan.
We'll shave your face in the meantime.
Ah, yes.
Please do.
Hey, what do we do about this, Gin-san? We'd have to change his entire physique.
Well, he seems to want to change his image rather than get a haircut.
So we'll have to change his hairstyle to change his image.
Excuse me.
This may sound awkward, but I heard that I could find a charismatic hairdresser of rare caliber here Th-This is terrible! The most violent pair of rivals just ran into each other! I'll steam your face! It's a little hot, so bear with me! Uh What did you want again? Well, you see.
I want to get a makeover.
So I need a charismatic hairdresser to cut my hair.
As usual, what is this guy doing?! But that's a relief.
He hasn't noticed.
I need to chase him out of here before things get ugly! You can find charismatic hairdressers across the street! Wow! Get lost, moron! Hey! Hey! We're working here! Cut that out! Want me to give you a buzz-cut? Shoo.
Shoo.
Get lost, scumface! Did you think you could fool me? Your desperate efforts cannot deceive my eyes.
Did he notice?! You are the charismatic hairdresser! No, I'm not You are.
I can tell by looking in your eyes.
The eyes of one who has mastered a craft by dedicating his all The eyes of a samurai who has seen many battles Yeah, that's cause I'm a samurai.
Here we are, meeting for the first time, yet I feel as if I've known you for a hundred years.
Yeah, we know each other.
Could you cut my hair? It's a pain to shampoo when it's this long.
Ah! Please don't go in without permission! It hurts! Hey! What are you doing?! I can't breathe! Ah, don't be in such a rush.
We'll wash your head for you.
Huh? Is he okay over there? That looks more like torture than washing his hair.
Okay.
Don't turn your head.
I'll be shaving your face, so that's dangerous.
M-Mr.
Charismatic Hairdresser! I can see that everything done by a charismatic hairdresser is different, down to the application of shampoo! Yes.
That's what they all say.
It's so intense that it feels like my hair roots are on fire! I can't open my eyes because they're stinging from the shampoo! You don't need to open them! Then we'll allow the shampoo to permeate your hair for a while.
Just sit still with your eyes closed.
Huh? Like this? What's the effect of letting the shampoo permeate my hair? It prevents any stupid movements.
What?! It can do that?! That was close.
They almost made contact.
What are we going to do, Gin-san? Don't tell me that we have to handle them both? We're going to leave now.
Huh?! Just think about it.
There is no reason for us to work so hard for them.
If we stay, we'll only get dragged into more trouble.
No, but Pops told us to look after the place for him He'll be back with his "Abu-san" soon enough.
He can handle the rest Oh, are you there? Sorry I'm late.
I came to return volume 7 of Abu-san.
Huh? He's not here? That's Katakuriko, what is this place? Hmm? The barbershop I frequent.
I was going to introduce you to my buddy, but he doesn't seem to be here.
Heh, oh well.
Let's just go hit a hostess bar.
Would he do my hair in a Mage? What kind of Mage would he do? Th-That's That's Fascinating.
Will you do my hair in a Mage? Th-The Shogun?! [To Be Continued.]
[Preview.]
I-It's impossible, big man! I can't touch the Shogun's Mage! Impossible! Absolutely impossible! You handle the rest! Wait! It's impossible for me, too! The next episode "The heavens created Chonmage above man instead of another man.
" [Note: A phrase by Yukichi Fukuzawa "Heaven doesn't make a man better than others, nor does it make a man worse than others.
" = all men are created equal.
.]
[The Great Shogun Shigeshige Tokugawa came to the barbershop!.]
[He's a General, but his you-know-what's a Private.
.]
[See you next time!.]