iCarly s04e01 Episode Script

- Hey! I'm 31/2 ounces of Carly - And I'm a heaping tablespoon of Sam.
- Put us in a tall glass - Shake vigorously augh! - And add a pinch of Freddie - Oww! - And you've got a delicious web show - Called iCarly! - Whoo! - Oh, yeah! - Whoo! - Okay.
- Flibbidee doo! - Now before we "cone-tin you, " Guess what special event is comin' up this week.
Sam, don't tell them.
I gotta tell them.
No, I don't want anyone to know that my birthday Is coming up.
The people have a right to know.
But I don't want them to send me presents, even though I love items such as: - Jewelry.
- Purses.
- Fine shoes.
- Makeup.
- Lip gloss.
- The new PearPad.
- Sports cars.
- Lunch meats.
- Mexican beverages.
- A Unicorn.
- Internal organs.
- External organs.
Artimachokes! And a VHS copy of the 1980's film "Over The Top.
" Starring Sylvester Stallone! They took his son! And now it's time for pie.
- What pie? - Birthday pie! Pie-yai-yai-hi-hi-hi! Oh, my God, this pie is huge! And it contains your two favorite flavors! - Cherry? - And Gibby! - What's wrong, Gib? - I couldn't breathe in there! I told you to breathe through the tube.
- I couldn't find the tube! - Oh, I forgot the tube.
In five, four, three, two I know, you see somehow the world will change for me, and be so wonderful.
Live life, breathe air, I know somehow we're gonna get there, and feel so wonderful.
It's all for real, I'm tellin' you just how I feel.
So wake up the members of my nation, it's your time to be.
There's no chance unless you take one, and the time to see the brighter side of every situation.
Some things are meant to be, so give me your best.
And leave the rest to me, leave it all to me.
Leave it all to me, Just leave it all to me.
- hey! - Hey, kiddo.
"Hey kiddo?" Errrr? That's all I get on this most special of days? Is it yom kippur already? - Ohh, it's your birthday! - Yeah.
Happy birthday, kiddo.
You want some cereal? We got bitty wheats Or fiber nuts.
- Either's fine.
- 'Kay, will you get the milk? Yeah, sure.
It's not in the fridge.
Ulch, you promised you'd stop drinking milk in the shower.
Stop trying to change me! - Come on, come on, come on! - Hurry, hurry, hurry! Everybody make sure you get a blowy thing! - I need one.
- Ooh, sorry.
Gibby! She's coming! Spencer, you got hairs all over the carton.
Surpriiiiise! - Oh, my God! - Happy birthday, kiddo! Awww, you guys didn't have to make a big fuss over my birthday.
- You want us to leave? - No, fuss on! And, look, T-Bo brought you a waffle bouquet.
Yeah, I did.
Aw, thanks, Teebs.
- Was this all your idea? - Yeah.
'Cause I'm determined To make this the best birthday you've ever had.
Why is that? 'Cause last year he gave her the worst birthday she ever had.
- It wasn't the worst.
- Yes, it was.
He took me to a petting zoo.
How was I supposed to know the goat would do that? Don't talk about what the goat did! All right, c'mon, people, let's sit down and chew it up! There we go.
Bacon balls? Told ya you were gonna have the best birthday ever, Which will include a funtastic present from your Big Brother, I.
E.
me.
- you're getting a haircut? - No.
- please get a haircut.
- Noo! It took me over a year to get it this long and voluminous.
Makes you look like a girl.
Does not.
Dude, ya know who could give you the best haircut ever? My grandfather.
- Didn't your grandad retire? - Well, yeah, but he's still a great barber.
He'll cut ya for free-eee.
- I dunno.
- Please? For my birthday? Okay, I'll get a haircut.
- What did the goat do? - T-bo! - Hey, Carly, happy birthday.
- Oh, thanks.
- Hey, hey, there's the iCarly birthday girl! - That's me.
- Happy B-day, c-Shay.
- Tee-hanks.
Hey.
Hey, dude.
It's Carly's birthday and you completely ignored her.
- That's okay.
- I got this.
- Look, dude, I don't know - Oh, Rico doesn't speak English.
He's an exchange student from Italy.
Uh, si, Italia.
Ti consiglio di fare gi auguri di compleanno a Carly or a, altrimenti ti spezzo le gambe! Um A'happy birthday, a'Carly.
- when did you learn to - - My mom likes Italian dudes.
Of course.
- I mean, she really likes - I get it.
Just a moment! Ah, hello, gentlemen.
Hey, Spence.
This is my grandad, the barber.
- Pleasure to meet you.
- Ah, nice to meet you, Mr.
Gibson.
Please enter my dwelling.
- This way, grandad.
- Yeah.
- Right over here.
- This way.
Right this way, yeah.
Okay.
Oh, you can set that hat right on the coffee table there.
Oh, okay.
Uh, Gibby? 'sup? Your grandfather The man who's about to give me.
A haircut with scissors near my neck and face Uh-huh? Can he see? - Sorta.
- Sorta? Okay, his eyesight isn't great, but he's still a rockin' barber.
- But if he can't see then how is he - Hey, Gibby, can I have a glass of plum juice? - Got any plum juice? - Nobody has plum juice.
- No plum juice, grandpa.
- Great.
I took a bullet in Korea, Now I can't get a lousy glass of plum juice.
- you want some water? - Okay.
Just a sec.
- Hey, Mr.
Gibson - Okay.
- Gibby, we need to talk.
- What? I don't feel comfortable letting your grandfather cut my hair.
- You're gonna hurt his feelings! - He's gonna hurt my head! C'mon, do you wanna see an old man cry? 'Cause it's not as funny as you think.
- Uh - All right.
Thanks.
Did, uh, somebody hit me with a grapefruit? Uh, no, sir.
Nothing like that happened.
- Whoa, is this A gummi bear lamp? - Yeah.
I made it for Carly's birthday.
I love this.
Thanks.
Hey, do me a favor.
Take it upstairs, Put it on the nightstand by Carly's bed, plug it in, and turn it on.
No prob.
Give this to my grandpa, 'kay? Sure.
Here's your water.
Grandpa, you can go ahead and get started on the haircut.
Shut up! Oh, you got a nice head of hair, young lady.
- I'm a guy.
- What? Oh, yeah.
Right, which is why I had to make a shank.
So what's better? A shank or a shiv? Depends.
For cutting or stabbing? - Does it matter? - Pff! "Does it matter"? What's that? A man with a fantastic new 'do.
Nice.
- Gibby's grandfather did that? - Yep.
And he also made that wet spot on the carpet, so don't walk there.
All right, birthday girl.
It's almost 6:30, and we've got 7:00 reservations at Petrosini's.
Fancy! Yeah, so why don't you run upstairs and grab a jacket, and we'll head on out.
Well, I'm already wearing a jacket.
Go get a different jacket or no birthday dinner.
Okay, I'll change jackets.
Guy gets a quality haircut and turns all bossy.
I actually love the jacket she's wearing! Then why'd you make her go change? So she'd see the birthday present I made her.
What'd you make her? Well, she's been sayin' she needs a lamp by her bed, so I made her one Entirely out of gummi bears! - So ya think she'll like it? - She's gonna love it.
She loves it! - my room's on fire! - What?! - Fire?! - Lemme go first! - Go! - Come on! - Hurry! - Lemme go first! Come on, let's go! Come on! Oh, my God, my room.
- Well It could be worse.
- No, it couldn't.
I'm chief Donker, Seattle fire department.
- Spencer Shay.
- Yeah, we know who you are.
Come here, kid.
It's okay, Carls.
If you want, you can stay with me and my mom.
- Do you guys know how the fire started? - Oh, yes.
This bedside table lamp started the fire.
But I don't have a table lamp.
Look, Spencer wanted to make you a special present for your birthday.
So he made you a gummi bear lamp.
Carly, I'm Hey, I bet what that goat did to you last year doesn't seem so bad anymore! What did the goat do? Okay, according To this report, Carly lost this wristwatch In the fire.
- yeah, it was our great-grandmother's.
- I see.
Well, it was a 1921 robaire-joulet, which means your reimbursement will be $82, 000.
What?! Look down.
$82, 000? It was a valuable antique gold watch with a diamond-encrusted bezel.
It sure was! I'm so glad you're happy.
- Here's your check.
- Here's my check! - Good day.
- Yeah, it is! Bye, Bob! - Hey.
- Hey, guys.
'Sup? I'll be at the fridge.
How goes it? - Did the insurance guy come? - Yeah.
He's only giving us 500 bucks.
To re-do my whole room and replace everything? - Yeah.
- That won't even pay for a new bed! I can get you all the money you need.
- How? - You guys got a color printer? - Well, then I gotta get a job.
- Nasty.
Hey, I was at the groovy smoothie this morning, And T-Bo said he was lookin' to hire some part-time help.
Fine.
I'll go talk to T-Bo.
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
Sorry, kiddo.
Bye.
Yeah, babe! - Why are you all happy? - Shut up! T-bo, it's Spencer! Listen fast! Carly's gonna be there In about ten minutes to ask for a job, so give her a job! I'll explain later! C'mon, I gave your sister a job! Well, she's outta the hospital now! Just hire Carly! Thanks, bye! Yes! Why are you makin' T-Bo give Carly a job, and what did you do to his sister? I needed Carly outta the house so I could tell you guys.
That you're gonna help me re-do her entire room.
With this insurance check I got from Bob! - $82, 000?! - Yuh-huh! - How'd you get so much? - My great-grandmother's bezel was diamond-enerusted! - What does that mean? - I don't know.
- And what about T-Bo's sister? - Oh, she fell off a ladder.
$82,000! - Mornin', T-Bo.
- Uh-uh.
I'm your boss now.
You gotta call me "mister bo.
" - Mister bo? - Nah, I'm just pullin' your peach.
Why don't you shake your tailfeather and get over there and start juicin' these tangerines? M'kay.
Hey, where are you goin'? To wash my hands before I start touching the fruit.
What, is the queen comin'? Start cuttin' fruit.
All right, people, listen up! Let me check my pearpad and make sure everybody's here! - Sam! - Yo! - Freddie! - Aqui! - The gibster! - I love that! - The painters! - Yeah! - The carpenters! - Here.
- Electrician! - Yep! Audio-video dude! - That's you, Ed.
- I'm Ed! Now let's build a teenage girl's bedroom so fantastic.
It will make all the other teenage girls cry! - Ready? - Yeah! Montage speed! Lemme go first! Usa! Usa! Usa! - Okay, I cleaned the juicer ports.
- What?! - You told me to clean the juicer ports.
- No, I said to read the juice reports.
What is a juice report? It's part of the fruit newsletter.
- I'm sorry.
- Aw, c'mon, Carly.
So your room burned down.
Look at the bright side.
What's the bright side?! Anyway Here's a basket of tacos, and here's a stick.
Put the tacos on the stick, then walk around and try to sell 'em.
- You can't put tacos on a stick.
They'll break.
- Try it.
See? It's impossible.
Okay, everyone! Today was an amazing achievement, thanks to the teamwork.
Of everyone here, and I just wanna tell you all.
How sincerely grateful I am.
Text message from Carly.
She's on her way up! Everybody get outta my house! Go, go! No, other way, other way! Go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go, go, go! Okay, you guys go up to Carly's room, get it ready, and I'll bring her up In a few minutes! - Go! Go! - C'mon! Go, go, go, go, go! Get going! - You did 100 sit-ups? - Sorta.
- So how was work at the smoothie? - Stupid.
I worked for 12 hours, and I barely made enough money to buy one can of paint for my room.
Why are you all dirty? Uh, I was just, uh, workin' on a sculpture.
So, listen, I was In your room today, y'know No, no, don't do that.
Well, listen, I was in your room today, you know, Sifting through all the charred rubble, And I found a couple of things that survived the fire.
- Like what? - C'mon, I'll show ya.
- No, I don't wanna go up there.
- Just come with me.
No, I don't wanna go up there, please.
- Stop resisting! - I don't want to! Come on! Get off of your butt! - I want a sandwich.
- You can get a sandwich later! Come on! Come on! Spencer, no! Why can't you just tell me what survived? - 'Cause I wanna show you.
- I don't wanna go into my room.
- It's depressing to see my stuff all - Surpriiise! - How did this happen?! - Remember great-grammy's watch? - With the diamond-encrusted Bezel? - Yuh-huh! Destroyed in the fire and insured for $82, 000! - Oh, my God! - Thank you, great-grammy! - We should've gone to her funeral! - I know! - And Spencer spent it all on your room.
- The whole wad, baby! Which is so stupid 'cause we rent this place, but who cares?! I can't believe this! You like the water coffee table with floating boats? - Avant-garde ice cream sandwich love seat.
- Nice.
A complete new wardrobe in a motorized closet.
With a convenient touchpad clothing selector.
- That did not just happen! - Oh, it happened! Speaking of which, check out your hap'nin' new make-up area.
Oh, look! Oh, I'm Carly.
I think I may apply some mascara.
- Show her the hair-dryer! - Oh, yeah, hair-dryer.
- Quick, here, sit! - Okay.
- Okay, press that button.
- Okay.
No way! - And when it's bedtime - After a hard day of being Carly You literally jump into bed.
- That's so cool! - I wanna try it! No, no, no, no, no! Sam, Sam, wait! - Come on, man! - Get up.
- Oh, and look it! - A gummi bear chandelier? Made of fire-retardant gummi bears! Yes! Ya got your room back.
Except for your old photos and other personal items that can never be replaced.
Gibby! - Who has the best Big Brother Ever? - Yoouu.
Man, is there anything money can't do?