In Living Color (1990) s04e01 Episode Script

Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to bring to the podium.
.
.
former presidential candidate, Mr.
Ross Perot.
Thought I was gonna hang glide, didn't you? Huh? Thank you very much.
Now, I felt it was important that I come back and apologize.
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.
for a remark I made in front of this group a few weeks ago.
Apparently, some folks got upset.
.
.
when I referred to African-Americans as "you people.
" I am truly sorry for that.
Is that good enough for you? Huh? Now, come on, now.
'Cause I got nothing bad to say about black people.
Black folks, in my opinion.
.
.
are some of the smartest entrepreneurs this country has ever seen.
That's right.
Yep.
They can set up a business anywhere.
You check out any stoplight in any major city.
See how many young, hard-working black men jump on your car and clean the windshield.
Without Windex.
They just use a dirty rag and spit.
Now, I think that's something special.
Now, you can also be proud of your leaders in this country.
White politicians can't balance a budget, the economy or the deficit.
But that Marion Barry, boy.
He balanced women, drugs, F.
B.
I.
Sting operations.
.
.
and still found time to run the nation's capitol.
Come on! Now, come on, now! That's just good old American stick-to-itivness.
Now, I felt bad about what I said last time I was here.
And that's why I brought along a little plan to help you.
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guys.
Okay? How many people here would like zero unemployment.
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never have to worry a day in their lives again about food or housing costs.
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and pay no bills? How many people like that, huh? How would you like that? Now, let me show you how we can do this.
We can accomplish this very goal just by you working for Ross Perot.
Ohh! Now, if you were to work for me, okay? You would provide a valuable.
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.
"Service," you see? Then, you'll be guaranteed.
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.
"Labor.
" You see? You see? And then you will become an "Asset".
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to the community.
You see? And by doing that, you will produce things that are.
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.
"Val-u-able.
" And you will never, ever have to worry about.
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.
"Expenses".
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as long as you live.
Now, how about that for a plan? Is that so bad? Huh? Is that so bad? What'd I say? What did I say? Boy, there is no pleasing you people, is there? Huh? Let go of me.
Get off me! Get off me! - How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - In living color - You can do what you wanna do - In living color - Anything you want is up to you - In living color - You for me and me for you - In living color - You can be anything you wanna be - In living color - Let's take a trip and sip on a dream - Yeah - Glide with the guide on a funky scene - All right Here comes another one of thosefunky, funny mo'money shows A cast for laughsand talented roles And sisters with twistersfor you been lookin', listener It seems you don't believeso you can believe what I convince ya Some booty to your short and thoughtWe'll make it snappy With jokes and pokesat folks to keep you happy No need to holdyour remote control ChillThis show's got soul All aboard, all aboardThe train never troubles You'd better snuggle upcouple up - On the double-dub-double - Yeah It's hard to believebut some of the best things in life are free So, fellas, grab your girlTell her that you love her 'Cause that's the way you're livin'when you're livin'in living color Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go Go, go, go, go - Let's take a trip and sip on a dream - Yeah - Glide with the guide on a funky scene - All right Here comes another one of thosefunky, funny mo'money shows A cast for laughsand talented roles And sisters with twistersfor you been lookin'listener It seems you don't believe so youcan believe what I convince ya Some booty to your short and thoughtWe'll make it snappy With jokes and pokesat folks to keep you happy Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go, go Please welcome, Keenen Ivory Wayans.
[Cheering, Applause.]
- [Man.]
All right! - All right! [Cheering, Applause Continues.]
All right, thank you.
Welcome to a new season of In Living Color.
Thanks for joining us tonight.
Got a whole lot new things for y'all, startin' with the new additions to The Fly Girls.
I want to start here with the O.
G.
Fly Girl, right here.
This is Deidre Lange from Plainfield, New Jersey.
Give it up.
[Applause.]
Standing next to her is our latest additionfrom uptown New York, Jossie Harris.
[Applause.]
And from Oakley, California,Lisa Thompson.
- [Mouths Word.]
- [Applause.]
And last year's new addition fromboogie-down Bronx, Jennifer Lopez.
[Applause.]
We got some new cast members for you to meet.
I want you to meet a very talented comedic actress.
Come on out here, Ally.
Alexandra Wentworth.
[Applause.]
And just when you thought it was over, we got another one.
He's the baby of the bunch.
You saw him in Mo'Money.
He's hanging with his big brother now.
Come on out here, Marlon Wayans.
[Applause.]
That's all you got for me? - Come on! - No, wait.
Hold on.
Hold on, we got.
.
.
we got some others.
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.
some other new cast members.
Y'all, come on out.
Come on out.
Georg Stanford Brown, ladies and gentlemen.
Monkey-mouth Davidson.
These people are so obnoxious, they would not allow me to have my moment.
So, the cast is here to join in and that's cool.
Well, we gonna get the show started.
- Before we do, I want to say hello to my man Twist.
- Twist! - Twist is all right! - Yo! Yo! Yo! Now, wait, hold on!Folks back home call him Leroy Casey.
- Gotta say that for the moms.
- That's right.
All right.
Y'all chill.
We gonna get ill.
We'll be right back.
Peace.
We have risen.
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.
Risen from the ashes of the riots.
As your city council representative.
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.
I am proud today.
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to inaugurate the re-opening of this beautiful new community market.
So, I hear you folks like to take shots at firemen.
- Who are you? - I'm Fire Marshall Bill Burns.
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and, frankly, I'm a little pissed.
Sir, please, the riots are over.
The riots may be over, ma'am, but the hazards remain.
Attention, shoppers! Today's special is civil unrest.
Let me show you something! Let's say the justice system just let you down big-time.
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and you decide the market here owes you a couple of cases of your favorite malt liquor.
You're pushing your cart down the aisle.
It has a wobbly wheel.
Somebody says, " Hey, look, there's Chief Daryl Gates going down Crenshaw on a unicycle.
" Where, where, where? [Screams.]
Yo, man, doesn't that hurt? Son, you don't know what pain is until you've capped a Saudi oil fire.
.
.
with your tongue! Uh-oh! I see a baby that needs to be spanked.
What the heck do you think you're doing, Leatherface? I'm just grinding some meat, man.
Well, you better pop a No-Doz.
Those meat grinders can be a narcoleptic's nightmare.
Let me show you something! What if you were up all night carrying a three-piece leather sectional.
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on your back down Vermont Avenue? You're grinding the meat, you're completely exhausted.
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a couple of cops here out front beating the hell out of Rodney Allen Rippy.
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you get confused.
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and you mistake your left hand for a pound of ground round.
Like so! No! Don't! No! No! - [Grunting.]
- [Whimpering.]
Next thing you know, you look a bread thief in Baghdad.
[Laughing.]
Wrap that up for me, will you? [Coughing.]
Here we go gathering guts in May Hey! Mr.
Goodwrench, can I borrow those pliers for a second? Yeah.
- [Grunting.]
- Ooh! Ohh! Where the hell was the lesson in that? Hey! Can't I do anything for fun? Put that under your pillow, son.
No, buddy, you can keep those.
Stop this at once! Everything is safe here! I am in charge of this situation.
I beg to differ, Puppetmaster.
You have no idea how close you are to total.
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destruction.
Now, just for the sake of argument, let's pretend you're Caucasian.
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but you forget and you accidentally say the "N" word.
Suddenly, you feel a sharp pain in your jaw.
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and you realize you've been coldcocked by Meadowlark Lemon.
That could be quite a numbing experience, even for me.
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the foreman of the Simi Valley jury.
By the way, is anyone else here going to the Policeman's Ball? [Clunk.]
I'm sensing a little bit of racial tension.
Well, two can play at that game.
- [Grunting.]
- [Thud.]
Price check on human life! [Laughing.]
- I'm gonna break off the rest of that nose.
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey! - [Man.]
Don't push me! - [Shouting.]
Just the big stuff, folks! - I think they said something about your mother.
- You menace! You have started another riot! To you, it's a riot, ma'am.
But to some folks, it's an insurance opportunity.
Let me show you something! I know you are not going to throw that! Don't worry, ma'am.
I am a Fire Marshall.
[Sirens Blaring, Distant.]
Why are we doing this? Now where are we gonna shop? Can't we all just get along? Can't we get along? Attention, shoppers.
All merchandise must go.
[Laughing.]
Hi, I'm Rodney King.
And I'm Reginald Denny.
And we're here to give you young people a friendly word of advice.
- Always think before you act.
- Right.
See, it's not whether you win or lose, but.
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.
Is it over when the fat lady sings? Can't we all just get along? Staying in school and staying off drugs is fine.
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but it ain't gonna do you any good at all, if you don't have sense enough to.
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.
[Both.]
Stay in your car.
Right.
See, we were stupid.
We got outta our cars.
We didn't use our heads and now look what happened.
We may have won the battle, but the early bird got the worm.
Can't we all just get along? And your friends are gonna try to tempt you.
They're gonna say, "Hey, come on.
Get out of your car.
What can it hurt?" Take if from us.
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.
[Both.]
It hurts.
Right.
See, it's like Confucius said.
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.
"He who hesitates.
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.
" Uh.
.
.
[Whispering.]
"Can lead a horse to water, but he can't get that bird out of his bush.
" Can't we all just get along? - So, take it from us, Reginald Denny.
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.
- And Rodney King.
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.
[Both.]
Stay in your car.
- You wanna drive? - No, man.
Let's.
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.
- [Siren Blaring, Distant.]
- Let's talk about it in the car.
- We could take the bus.
- No, there's people on the bus.
- All right.
- [Siren Continues.]
[Sighs.]
Oh, the devastation.
The pain.
We must be united and work together as brothers.
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.
for only if we are united can we properly renovate and rehabilitate this area.
Mr.
Olmos, I want to help.
Just let me help.
Sweep up a yard, my brother.
- What could I do? - Gather the garbage.
Mr.
Olmos, I just wanted to tell you that you're my hero.
No.
No, my child.
I'm just an actor who talks sincerely.
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.
and whose face looks like the Latino side of the moon.
Now, let's get moving.
There is so much to do.
So very many ways to be seen.
All right, people, listen up.
This house needs more work.
More sweat and strain.
You, clean up my Mercedes.
You, tile my new wine cellar.
And, you.
Fill myJacuzzi with Jell-O and get naked.
- Hey.
- With your help, I can erect what was not standing.
All right, people, let's go.
Listen to me.
Come here.
I want to pontificate.
You have wallpapered.
You have painted.
You've saved of thousands of remodeling dollars.
But what lies ahead is the biggest job of all.
- And what's that? - Fixing my face.
Everybody get the putty knives.
Make me look good.
I want to be governor one day.
[Whirring.]
- [Hip-Hop.]
- Get it [Ends.]
[Chattering.]
Hey, how you doin'? It's me, Bonita Butrell.
Child, I was on my way home from playing bingo and got caught up here in these here riots.
People actin' like heathens.
Takin' everything that ain't glued to the ground.
- [Siren Blaring, Distant.]
- Course Miss Bonita always had herself something.
Didn't have to wait for Rodney King.
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to get bopped upside the head to get me a little something.
Course you wouldn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, either.
Oh, there go my baby, Cisco Peterson.
Hey, Cisco, how you doin', honey? That's a fine TVyou got there.
And don't feel bad about taking it.
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.
'cause I know you never stole a single thing in your whole life.
[Laughing.]
That's a born thief, there.
Mm.
When his mama gave birth to him, he ran off with the placenta.
I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me.
Nojustice, no peace!Nojustice, no peace! - No justice.
.
.
- Hey, Denise.
Look at you, girl, a regular little politician.
And I hear you, baby.
No justice, no peace.
[Laughing.]
It's more like no $20 bill, no piece.
That girl spend more time down under than Crocodile Dundee.
I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me.
Hey, Mr.
Kim! I'm so glad they didn't touch your restaurant.
That's a fine restaurant.
Fine restaurant.
[Chuckles.]
Too bad a cat won't go by unless it's on a scooter.
But I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me.
Hey, lookee here.
There go now Jody Biscuitfill from that news show.
Hey, Jody, how you doin'? I'm so proud of you.
You're the smartest little thing on TV.
[Chuckles.]
Dumbest little thing is more like it.
Mm-hmm.
Take her three days to watch 48 Hours.
And.
.
.
And that ain't the half of it.
The girl got to moon herself to count to two.
But I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me.
- How we doin' there, ma'am.
- Hey, officer, how you doin'? Doing fine.
Look, we're looking for this lady.
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who's been doing a lot of looting in this area.
Her name is a Miss, uh, Miss Jenkins.
No! [Moaning.]
No.
No! Lordy! Don't you say nothin' bad about Miss Jenkins.
She's a fine woman, fine woman.
Wouldn't take nothing from nobody.
That's a fine woman, honey.
Don't you talk about Miss Jenkins.
I'll turn into Ice-T on your ass.
Don't talk about Miss Jenkins.
She's a fine woman, fine woman.
Just don't turn your back on her.
Woman's fingers are stickier than a booger in a jar of honey.
I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me.
Let me get on out of here.
We are proud to debut one of the hottest new rappers down with Da Hit Squad.
Please welcome DefJam/RAL recording artist.
.
.
the superman lover, Redman.
[Rap.]
One, two, one two! This is Redman coming to you live.
Bringin' you the brand-new funk for 1992 era, my brother.
Physically and direct from Milltown, New Jersey, and Brooklyn.
I ain't having none of that.
Yo, Twin, how it's goin' down, baby? [Man Singing.]
[Continues.]
[Continues.]
[Rapping In Foreign Language.]
[Continues Rapping In English.]
[Continues.]
[Ends.]