Kickin' It (2011) s04e01 Episode Script

You gotta push it, Gary! Yeah, you heard him push it, Gary! Hey, someone's pretty studious about their gluteus.
A-plus, Gary.
So, Joan, what do you think of my new Wasabi Warrior Academy? Whoo-whee! Fancy.
But I gotta be honest with you, still smells like your old dojo.
You know, cat vomit, sweat and Pickles.
That's your sweater, Joan.
(Chuckles) Excuse me, Rudy.
I am a lady.
And I think I would know if (Gags) Nope, definitely your (Gags) Dojo.
You see, the Warrior Academy has something for everybody.
But my favorite are these resistance bands.
They are a guaranteed way to get ripped.
(Chuckles) Ohh! Yep! Something ripped.
Hey, Jerry.
I just got an e-mail from Kim at the Otai academy in Japan.
What's it say? (Speaking gibberish) Oh.
"Congratulations on opening your new dojo.
Love and miss you, Kim.
" Both: Aww.
You know, I get Kim going to Otai.
But why would Jack and Milton sign up for summer school at the Biltmore Academy in Washington? Yeah, they're probably sitting in some stuffy classroom right now just bored out of their skulls.
(Dramatic music plays) Hey, Jack, what's your favorite part about working for the government as an undercover spy? Uh, I'm gonna go with jetpacks.
Whoo! Best summer ever! Gah! Jack, it happened again.
I'm gonna need a pickup.
- (Rock music playing) - Don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me? and we could have a ball, run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you here we go, let's start the party chop it up like it's karate everybody won't you come kick it with me? and we could have a ball, run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Well, gentlemen, that was our last mission.
With Rash no longer a threat, there's no need for our team.
Yeah, so I guess you and Milton can go back to Seaford, put on your pajamas and, uh, kick stuff.
Excuse me.
What Jack and I do in our pajamas is our business.
We do nothing in our pajamas.
As a going-away gift, I want to present you with these spy watches.
If you push this button right here, they become a high-powered magnet.
Without an external energy source, it can't be that powerful.
- (Beeps) Oh! Yeah no.
It's pretty powerful.
(Beeps) Where's my watch, sir? Ohh.
Uh I didn't get you watch, Shane.
I got you This pen! (Chuckles) They get cool watches, and I just get this dumb polar bear pen? It's not just a pen.
Look what happens to the polar bear when you turn it upside-down.
Oh, nice! He's wearing a bikini.
(Laughs) Ooh-LA-LA.
Am I right? Yeah.
Oh, yeah! It also has a laser.
Forget the laser.
This naughty bear is a riot.
Guys, this is where we part ways.
I just want to let you know that as a military leader, I don't do emotion.
It's a sign of weakness.
It's best just to stay strong.
It's just that (Speaks gibberish) (Cries) Way to stay strong, sir.
I can't even tell you how good it is to have you two back in seaford.
This place is amazing, but is there any part of you that miss our old dojo? Boys, I want you to know that our old dojo can never be replaced.
We forged memories that are gonna last a lifetime.
I even had my first kiss there.
Weren't you 27 when that place opened? (Murmurs) Did I say first? I meant like 100th.
So how'd you get the money for this place? I've always said you can achieve anything with hard work, discipline and self sacrifice.
So what did you do? I went in on a lottery ticket with Phil.
Okay.
We need three matching animals to win a million dollars.
- Panda.
- Oh, nice.
Panda! (Both screaming) We won! It's a panda?! No, it's a monkey.
But Phil loves the monkeys - (laughing) - (Metal clangs) Oh, look what fell out.
What? That's the bolt that's holding the safety bar in.
Oh, you mean - oh! Uh-oh! - Aah! - Oh, we're moving! - Aah! (Both screaming) The Ferris wheel company paid us a lot of money so we wouldn't sue 'em.
I used my money to open up this place, and Phil used his to open up the business of his dreams.
It's not food poisoning, it's bowling fever (Bell dings) (Sniffs) Ugh.
What's up, dude? What?! Guys, you're back! - Here we are! - Oh-ho! Wow, this place is awesome.
Jerry! What's up, dude? What?! Dude! No way! We missed you guys.
Yo, you're not gonna believe it.
I'm the new manager here.
(Both Chuck) What do you know about managing a bowling alley? Oh, a lot.
In fact, I increased profit by coming up with a way for people to play more games per hour.
How'd you do that? I sped up the ball returns.
(Ball whooshes) That's just good managing, yo.
Well.
You guys enjoy yourselves.
I gotta get back to work.
(Clicks tongue) - (Phone beeping) - Hey, Jack, I just got a text from Funderburk to call him.
We just got back.
Don't respond.
I'm tired of teaching him to program his d.
V.
R.
To record "Dog Show Divas.
" He says it's an emergency.
Let's go.
Kickin' it with you! Hoo-ooo! Aw, Phil, I honestly love working here, man.
This place has really got it going on.
Oh, and the going on is really going, bro-chacho.
My bowling alley is the coolest place in town.
And it will stay that way forever.
(Rock music playing) (Music stops) Listen up, everybody! I'm the pinhead and this is splits Malone.
Alley cats in the house, people! (Meows, hisses) (Meows fiercely) No.
Whoa whoa whoa.
Jerry: Cool people, where you going? Come back, my bro-chachos! My bro-chachos! I need your help.
There was one Rash agent we didn't know about.
And he's recruiting new people.
The jet-copter's on the way to pick you up.
By the way, did you see "dog show divas" last night? There was a chihuahua aah! Let's go up to the roof and wait for the jet-copter.
Let's go.
(Door opens, closes) That was the mop closet.
To the roof! Let's go! (High-pitched scream).
Aah! That was the ladies' room.
Yeah, we really gotta learn our way around this place when we get back.
- Yeah.
Kickin' it with you! (Elevator dings) (Both grunting) Milton! You're fighting a ficus! You sure? There are some really good disguises out there yep, no, it's a ficus.
Jack, Milton.
I'm glad you made it.
Shane, where's Funderburk? He was captured by Rash.
There was one agent we didn't know about.
Someone so secretive and so smart, he was able to fool everyone by pretending to be one of us.
A double agent.
I'll bet it was Donovan.
It wasn't Donovan.
You know who it was? Kowalski! Oh, I can so see that.
Classic Kowalski! It wasn't Kowalski.
Got it! Judith from reception.
You never knew which way the wind was blowing with her.
Don't I know it! Talk about a moody Judy.
Crazy! It wasn't Judith! It was me.
What? Jack and Milton: No no What? None of you will ever leave this place alive.
Shane, why are you doing this? So you can finally see I'm better than you.
I'm so sick and tired of everyone thinking you and Milton are the world's greatest spies.
Pfft! Great.
So I'm free to go then, or Nope.
You're not going anywhere.
Lock 'em up.
St rike! Hey, Phil, I need to turn this fan up.
Mama don't roll with swamp foot.
(Fan whirring) Man, that's disgusting.
You think that's disgusting? Look at what she's drying now.
Look, you guys are driving away all our customers.
I'm gonna have to ask you both to leave.
(Exhales) There's only one way you're gonna get rid of us.
Just find someone who can out bowl the pinhead.
Fine.
I'll do it.
Here's how it's gonna work.
You versus me, one game.
I win, you go.
You win, you stay.
We tie, one more game.
I win, you go.
You win, you stay.
We tie again Joan, Rudy and Phil: We get it! I'm taking everything.
Encryption codes, top-secret hard drives.
Even Funderburk's angel's kiss toilet paper.
That's my last roll.
Oh.
You animal.
And I gave you a really sweet polar bear bikini pen! Yeah.
Which broke! After the first few hundred flips.
As soon as we're done loading up, I'm going to hit the self-destruct button, and it's good-bye, losers.
Oh, hold up.
I have to go Do some spy stuff.
Once he hits that button, there's no way to deactivate it.
If we got that pen, we could use the laser to cut the lock.
We can get the pen by using the magnet watch to bring over the metal garbage can.
No, too complicated.
I say we get the pen by using the magnet watch to bring over the metal garbage can.
That's what I just said.
Now is not the time to be taking credit for my ideas.
Can we just do this, please? - If I aim it just right - (Watch beeps) I can Good job.
- Wait, I got it.
- Hurry.
- Okay.
- Got it! - Okay.
(Exhales) Ow.
Do you have a metal plate in your head? No.
Maybe.
Why? What have you heard? Here we go, let's start the party chop it up like it's karate.
If Jerry doesn't show up by And we get to bowl here forever.
Nobody messes with the pinhead.
(Laughing) Pinhead.
(Mariachi music plays) - I'm surprised you showed up, Jerry.
- (Music stops) (Latin accent) It's not Jerry.
It's (Acoustic guitar riff plays) "The Jerry.
" It's weird because you look a lot like my friend Jerry.
Do you think that you can beat "The Rudy"? Ball! Ho-ho-ho! - ( Mariachi music plays) (Electric guitar riff plays) - (Rock music plays) - (Light applause) (Mariachi riff playing over rock music) (Cheering) (Stomps foot) (Crowd murmurs) He's only got one roll left.
And the only way he can win it is if he makes the impossible seven-10 split.
He'll never make it! We're going to lose.
My life is ruined.
My businesis ruined.
All of my dreams are shh shh shh shh.
(Latin ceacnt) Have faith in The Jerry.
(Both laugh) We lost! Did we? (Flamenco music plays) (Blows) He did it! He did it! He did it! (Cheering) Never doubt the Jerry.
We lost, pinhead.
We lost, but We lost to a legend.
(Flamenco music pla) See ya, pinhead.
(Drilling) So I said, "your beard makes you look thinner.
" That seemed to cheer her right up.
(Drilling) - Say good-bye, Jack! this self-destruct button, you three are going to be a memory.
(Beeping) Woman's voice: Your baked potato will be ready in 20 seconds.
(Laughing) That's the microwave button.
(Mouths) The self-destruct button is the brown one.
Funderburk! Woman's voice: Self-destruction in 30 seconds.
- Got it! - (Alarm blaring) I got this.
(Grunting) Woman's voice: Your baked potato is done.
Self-destruction in 10 seconds.
Guys, the tunnel's the only way out.
No spud left behind! Hot hot hot hot hot! Jack, we gotta get out of here.
Come on.
Let's go.
Why are you saving me, Jack? Because it's the right thing to do.
Three, two One.
Thanks to you, Shane and his men have been captured.
I can never repay you guys for coming back and saving me.
Aw, you don't have to repay us.
We did it because we're friends.
And you would have done the same thing for us.
Uh (Exhales) Sure.
(Chuckles) Anyway, looks like our spy days are over.
Hey, funderburk.
I saved this for you.
My angel's kiss! Perfect timing.
I gotta go take care of some Spy stuff.
Hey, I'm, uh, getting pretty high up on this wall.
You sure you got me? I said I got you, Rudy.
Keep going.
All right.
(Coughs) I got a feeling A feeling for ceiling! You know, Milton, I'm glad to be back, but so much has changed.
I wonder if it'll ever feel like home.
(Both screaming) You said you had me! I did have you! As long as you didn't fall.
That's it! Ow! Ow! Yeah, this is more like home.
Aah! - Should we? - Absolutely.
Let's go bowling.
Kickin' it with you! I'm a pretty good bowler, huh, Jack? I almost beat you that second game.
Yeah, you really found your stride once you put the bumpers up.
Ah, dude, I think I left my spy watch in the dojo.
Yo, guys, check out this sick watch I found.
Yeah, I don't know what this button does.
No no no, Jerry! Don't press that.
(Beeps) Do you have a metal plate in your head? No Maybe.
Why? What have you heard?