Liv and Maddie (2013) s04e01 Episode Script

1 Okay, Aunt Dena and Cousin Ruby will be here any second.
(Sighs) We have welcome home balloons and chips and guacamole.
Oh, actually, here in California, we pronounce it "hwak-a-moly.
" Okay, so so no, they don't because nobody pronounces it like that anywhere.
All righty.
Well, the bathroom floor is so clean that you can lick it.
We know that because he did.
Karen: Well, great.
Now you can clean the kitchen, the back deck, and the veranda.
- Stop.
- Joey: Mom Why do we have to do all the cleaning? Ooh, let me answer.
It is because you built tunnels under our home in Wisconsin and you made them collapse, destroying our home, so.
- Bingo! - Bingo! Guys, we need to keep Aunt Dena's place tidy while we're staying here, especially now that Ruby's home.
It is so not fair that Ruby got to spend a whole summer on safari.
Why didn't Grandma Janice take us? Oh, let me! She was going to take you, but then you Oh! You destroyed our home.
Yeah.
- Bingo! - Bingo! (Sighs) You know what the best part about walking on the beach is? You always get to take a little bit of it home with you.
Uh uh, Mom! Maddie messed up the floor that we just cleaned! Uh, Mom! Joey ruined the house that we grew up in! You know, I'll tell you what.
I am really starting to regret destroying that house.
- Rooney cousins! - Both: Ruby! - Ruby! - Aah! - Ruby! - Hi! Ruby! What? You're so big! Look at the house! It looks great, boys! Oh, thank you for not making it collapse.
Okay, Ruby, how was your safari? Great.
Grandma scared away a lion by pretending to be a bear.
Both: Aww that sounds like Mom.
Okay, Ruby, we are so excited that we get to live with you! Me too! I've never had siblings.
Now it's like we're sorta siblings.
- Aww.
- Aww! Liv, we have a sorta little sister! - Aah! - (Giggles) You also have two sorta big brothers.
Don't ruin this.
(Laughs) (Theme music playing) Better in stereo Bet-bet-better in stereo - I'm up with the sunshine - Let's go - I lace up my high-tops - Oh no Slam dunk, ready or not Yeah, show me what you got - I'm under the spotlight - Holler I dare you, come on and follow You dance to your own beat I'll sing the melody When you say yea-ah-ah I say no-oh-oh When you say stop All I want to do is go, go, go You, you, the other half of me, me The half I'll never be-e The half that drives me crazy You, you, the better half of me, me The half I'll always need But we both know We're better in stereo Boys, I just spoke with your dad.
He's on his way back to Beloit to coach a game, but he said that the home rebuild is on schedule.
Ooh! Let's take a gratitude moment.
What is happening? She's letting us stay here for free.
Just pretend that her weird stuff is interesting.
Gratitude achieved.
That is so interesting.
So you boys excited for the first day at your new school tomorrow? "School"? This isn't just a school.
It's the Boyle and Oppenheimer Official Magnet School.
I'm goin' to BOOMS, y'all! BOOMS is a science and technology magnet.
I get to study cool stuff surrounded by uncool kids.
I'll be the coolest guy there! I am going to crush it there! Oh honey, you are gonna crush it, Now blow it up.
Parker Rooney, you get back here and and blow up your mother's friendship fist right now.
I'm glad someone's excited about school tomorrow.
Joey, I'm concerned about your aura.
It's noticeably less vibrant.
Say what now? She thinks you look sad.
Ma, dial back the California around the cheeseheads.
Now, why aren't you excited about BOOMS? Okay, well, this may surprise you guys, but I wasn't really the coolest guy back at Ridgewood.
No.
Yeah.
I was a dweeb.
But at least this year, I had become a senior dweeb.
But now I have to go to this new school where nobody knows me.
Do you have to or do you get to? Nobody knows you.
You don't have to be the guy you've always been.
You could be the guy you've always wanted to be.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
Think inner transformation.
Sit down, close your eyes.
Let's find your spirit animal.
- Ooh.
- What are you, Joey? A mighty lion (Roars) a majestic whale - (Wails) - Oh! - (Wails) - Oh! Mom look at his shirt.
He's clearly a kitty.
(Mews) There's no way that I could be a kitty.
They're way too perfect.
No, my (Tutting) My my spirit animal is (Tutting) a muskrat.
Yes! Revel in your your fun-loving, muskrat free spirit! (Chuckles) (Tutting) I'm I'm in a field I'm I'm muskratin' in the sun! Like a boss! Now carry that positive energy - with you to BOOMS! - (Chuckles) What? No! You can't send him into school as a muskrat.
Joey do you see that shadow swooping across the fields? Look out! - It's a falcon! - (Screams) - (Joey wails) - And he snatched you up and he's ripping you apart and he's feeding you piece by piece to his young.
(Sobs) The horror! The horror! No.
It's beautiful.
The muskrat has become one with the falcon now.
Open your eyes and become - a falcon.
- (Gasps) Whoa.
I am totally feelin' that falcon vibe.
Huh.
Thanks, guys.
Now I gotta go pick the muskrat out of my beak.
(Vocalizing) - He is so not a falcon.
- Not even a little bit.
Ohh! Ruby! I am so excited to be rooming with you again.
It's gonna be just like it was back when I was filming Sing it Loud You still do that "Sisters by chance, friends by choice.
" - Aww! - Aww, I know! Maddie and I actually made that together when we were about your age, and I would say that it is our most prized possession.
That is not.
Whoa.
Am I being punished? Meet Velvet Diggie.
It is a portrait of Maddie's real-life boyfriend that he had made for her.
She thinks it's romantic.
Romantic? Um, does she need new glasses? Okay, it's hideous, right? Right.
Okay, so I need you to help me destroy it.
Um I already told Maddie that I hate it, so she's totally gonna know it's me if I do it, but you know, if her innocent sorta sister does it, you know, it's it's it's, uh, it's forgivable.
So Destroying it doesn't sound like something a sorta sister would do.
Mmkay, well, sorta sisters have to sorta help each other, okay? So, this can be our sorta little secret.
"Sorta" sounds like sorta lying.
Okay.
But, uh, just know that the sinister, judging eyes of a ghoulish painting will now be watching you always.
I'm in.
Time to take in the school I'm gonna conquer.
Conquerer pause for dramatic effect.
And commence conquering.
Whoa.
Sweet laser.
- What's it for? - You must be new.
It's for the Laser Fair.
Not to be confused with the Laser Circus, which is next week, and the Laser Pride Festival, which is at the end of February.
Oh, man.
I'm gonna be the king if this nerd-house in no time.
This is BOOMs.
This is me crushing it.
Yeah, you did.
- Fist bump.
- Mom! Looks like it's about what, 1200 nanometers? (Scoffs) It's 1400 nanometers, new kid.
What would I do with 1200, toast bagels? Bagels.
Good one, Val.
Up top.
Stop being weird, Finch.
High fives are for jocks, cartoon dogs, and people who want the flu.
I won the Laser Fair last year and I'm gonna win this year.
Challenge accepted! That that that that was something that I that I used to say at my old school.
You know what? Never mind.
(School bell rings) All right, little geniuses, please enter the Think Space.
Anybody who notices something new about me gets an extra 10 points.
Anybody? No? It's a new haircut! You guys! Thanks for looking right through me.
Ah.
You must be one of my new students.
What do you think of my haircut? Uh it's shorter probably? It is.
10 points for Pucker Rooney.
(Laughter) It's not Pucker, it's Parker.
Not anymore, Pucker.
(Laughter) Okay, so I wasn't gonna be the coolest kid.
But at least I was gonna be cooler than Joey.
It's a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.
(Whirring sound) Do I hear a helicopter? (Low-pitched) Sup? The new Joey needed to make an impressive entrance.
No, that wasn't really a helicopter.
It was Aunt Dina on the roof with a loudspeaker making helicopter noises and a rope ladder that I borrowed from some kid's tree house.
Uh, who are you? They call me Falcon.
Sorry I'm late.
I was searching remote areas of the coastline for parts for a motorcycle that I'm building.
By hand.
Can you believe this guy? I cannot.
He's the coolest guy we've ever had at BOOMs.
He moves with such certainty.
Come on.
Come on, you guys.
You think he's cool? Jealousy is not a good color on you, Pucker.
This can't be happening.
This can be happening! All right, students, please take your seats.
Uh, Falcon, you can have my seat.
You can't really think this Falcon thing is gonna work forever.
It's working today.
And today is all I've got.
So says Falcon.
Okay, so on day one, all eyes were on Falcon, but tomorrow is the Laser Fair, and Pucker will rise.
Parker! I I meant Parker! - Hey, Maddie.
- Hey.
You, um studying your playbook? I'm just gonna paint at my easel.
I do that.
It's believable.
Ruby and I had a plan to destroy Velvet Diggie.
She was going to accidentally drop her art box onto a strategically placed tube of paint which would then squirt all over Velvet Diggie's ghoulish face.
Ding dong destroyed! Hey, I hope you don't mind that painting of my boyfriend.
No, I love it.
'Cause, like, I know that it's kind of goofy, but no matter how far apart we are, I look up at it and I think, like you know, we're gonna be okay.
Aww.
Turns out the creepy painting was romantic.
And if it makes my sorta sister happy, I can't destroy it.
Wow.
The painting means a lot to you.
I should probably paint somewhere else so I don't get anything on it.
No! Oh, Ruby! What happened? Joey and Parker destroyed your house! I ruined your most prized possession! Liv's gonna freak out! No, no, no.
It's okay, Ruby.
I mean, look, a little athletic tape, and it's, uh, I think it's good as new.
See? I mean, I don't even I don't even think that we have to tell Liv.
So, we're gonna lie to her? Oh, I mean not really a lie.
Just a sorta secret between two sorta sisters.
Ah.
Another secret? I guess sisters lie to each other.
A lot.
I think I'm, like, nailing this big sister thing.
And now the final contestant of our Laser Fair, Val.
You got this, Val! Whoo (Sighs) Behold, the power of my laser.
(Beeping, whirring) (Students cheer) It could knock down a building, but Mr.
Beelick said no.
Seriously, do not knock down a building.
The principal is still on me for destroying the gym last semester.
We had a gym? BOOMers, I give you two-time Laser Fair champion, Val Not so fast.
The Laser Fair has one more entry.
(Students gasp) (Students gasp) That's right, son.
I made a laser that can cut a laser that can knock down a building! Up top! (Gasps) No! Now I'll get the flu.
Pucker's is the last laser left standing.
I I have no choice but to declare him the winner.
Yes! And now a funky fresh victory dance.
In your face, in your face, Pucker Rooney owns this place! You actually just seem like a braggy jerk.
We support each other here, Pucker.
- Boo! - Students: Boo! It turns out kids at a science and technology magnet school in laidback California are not impressed with witty taunts and gloating.
Boo him! Boo him till it stings! Students: Boo! Hey.
Falcon? Shh! Shh! Everybody, quiet! Something amazing is about to happen.
How about we lay off Pucker? Sure, he's not as cool as the rest of us, but why don't you give him a break? 'Cause you might need one too someday.
Wow.
Showing compassion to the very lowest of us all.
How heroic can you possibly be? You know somethin', deep down, we're all heroes.
So says Falcon.
Falcon's right.
Maybe poor Pucker just needs a chance.
(Students mutter approvingly) Let's hear it for the Laser Fair champion.
(Cheers and applause) Was I just saved by Joey? Did I move to California or another planet? (School bell rings) Hey tell the world what you saw today and know that you never need be afraid.
How cool was all that? Thanks, Munch.
It's good to know that at least my big brother has my back at this new school.
Oh, come on, buddy.
You'd do the same for me.
Sure.
Hey, Ruby, come here.
Okay, Maddie is asleep, but why didn't you ruin Velvet Diggie? I was going to, but You know what? It's okay.
We will ruin Velvet Diggie tomorrow and it'll be our little secret, okay? Shh! Oh, hey, Ruby, Ruby, come here.
Dude, Liv totally didn't notice the painting.
It's gonna be our little secret, okay? Shhhhhh! (Scary music plays) It's not lying, it's a secret.
- She'll never know.
- Shh! It's a secret.
Both: Shhhhh! Stop! I can't do it.
I can't keep secrets.
Liv wanted me to destroy your creepy Velvet Diggie, but I couldn't do it.
Liv! How could you? And Liv, I ruined the Sisters By Chance picture and wanted to tell you, but Maddie told me to hide it.
(Scoffs) You were saying, Maddie? I didn't know sisters had to lie to each other so much.
I can't.
I'm a terrible sorta little sister.
Dude, two days as her big sisters, and we already broke her.
Hey Ruby you are not terrible.
We are terrible.
Maddie and I can sometimes make each other do some really stupid things.
Yeah.
But you know what? No more lies because sisters do not do that.
(Door opens) Girls, help me.
I broke Dina's favorite bowl.
Hide it in here.
I'll fix it tomorrow.
It'll be our secret.
Shh! Sweet! I feel like this might even be a little bit better than the original.
"Sorta sisters by chance "friends by choice.
" I feel like this is gonna be the greatest year ever.
Liv, a package came for you.
It's from Wisconsin.
Oh.
That's weird.
I'm definitely not expecting anything.
Expectations are only a down payment on resentments.
(Screams) It's a velvet Artie! Run before it steals your soul! (Scary music plays) Joey: They call me Falcon.