Mad About You s04e01 Episode Script
New Sleep-Walking PLUS
* at the copa * * copacabana * * the hottest spot north of havana * * at the copa * * copacaban * * music and passion are always the fashion * * at the copa * * they fell in love ** * tell me why * * i love you like i do * * tell me who * * can stop my heart as much as you * * let's take each other's hand * * as we jump into the final frontier * * i'm mad about you, baby * * yeah * * i'm mad about you * * whoo-Hoo ** What are you looking at? Nothing.
Quick question.
Do we still like these pants? Yes.
O.
K.
Then i shall wear them.
Good.
'Cause i got that meeting today.
I'm not sure which way to go.
I want to look a little like them, a little like me.
Who are you meeting with? The explorer channel.
Wear khaki.
Why? Explorer, safari you wear khakis or chinos.
No.
Khakis are chinos.
Myth, myth.
One's a color, one's a style.
[Telephone rings.]
I don't think so, my little friend.
Wasn't last night wonderful? Huh? Hello.
Hey, ira, you would know khakis and chinos same thing or different? Ha.
Same thing.
Both wrong.
Yeah, right.
So, what's up? No, i don't want to do that.
Do what? Go with ira to klarik's And watch him stare at the gift-Wrapping girl.
You should go.
Why? You can buy chinos.
Come with me.
I can't.
Fran and i are meeting with the cabdrivers union.
I hate buying pants myself.
You're going to walk into that meeting, The explorer people will look at you in your crisp new chinos And say, "hey, we've got to buy a movie from chino boy.
" Ooh! I'll see you at the store at 10:30.
What is happening to you? Nothing.
I just really enjoyed last night.
Well, that's a good thing.
Why? Didn't you? I i, uh i have no complaints about last night.
I should hope not.
You broke the clock, you know.
What clock? On the nightstand.
We did? No, you did.
When you flung me back over to your side.
Sorry.
No sorry.
Thank you.
Thank you.
No, no, no.
Thank you.
Why, exactly, was last night so great? Why? No, i know why.
I'm saying, why do you think it was so great? Because it was so great.
You were so uninhibited, so primal.
You were so wild.
Yeah.
Well, what are you going to do? Maybe we go to bed early tonight? You got it.
Good luck.
Good luck to you.
Woof! What did you see? What do you mean, you don't remember? I have no recollection of the whole event.
You're telling me you're banging away hey! Pardon me.
Your lovely wife and yourself are having conjugal activities, In the middle of the night, The best sex of your married career, And you were sound asleep.
This is what i'm saying.
Ha ha ha ha.
This is funny to you? Walking in your sleep is one thing why don't you try these? These are like chinos, but there's a heavier weave.
There's a triple pleat, which makes the pockets more streamlined.
Lise, listen to you.
New and improved sister-In-Law, Now with extra pants knowledge.
You want to know what my boss mr.
Klarik said? Please.
He said i have the best sense Of design and presentation of anyone he's hired since 1984.
Wow.
Yeah, i know.
Starting next week, i spend a month in personnel.
They're grooming me.
You're being groomed? Yeah.
For what? I don't know.
All right.
What do we think of these? Uhwe like these.
These are khaki, right? Yeah, but they're not chinos.
Why not? These are chinos.
Those are chinos.
Why are these chinos? Look, it is so simple.
You can have a khaki pant that are chinos Or chinos that are khaki, but not all chinos are khaki.
And not all khakis are chinos, or even pants.
Hell, you can have a khaki shirt or a hat.
That's a chunk of my life i'll never get back.
Why don't you try on the charcoal? Excuse me.
Brenda, that's not how we do things! I love doing that.
Six months ago She was watching hogan's heroes with milk.
You know, what i don't understand is this how deep were you sleeping? If you were really that good, wouldn't you wake yourself up? Apparently not.
Maybe she made it up.
That's what i thought.
Look at this.
What? That's where i knocked over the alarm clock.
I'm so good, i actually injured myself.
You know what the scary part is? What if i'm never that good again? What if my young bride Realizes that the sleeping me Is better than the awake me? Don't tell her, dopey.
No.
I'm not no, you just don't.
Your stock is way up now.
Leave it alone.
There's still the pressure of having to do it again.
I don't know if i can compete with me.
She's telling me these are not khaki? Ooh.
These pants are itchy.
Ah.
Now you bought 'em.
He flung you.
Like a sack of cotton.
Good for him.
Good for me.
There was no talking.
He just rolled over, threw off the covers, and took me.
He took you? And there was no talking.
You guys talk? Yeah, we talk.
What do you talk about? You know that feels good.
Don't stop.
I love you so much.
Keep doing that.
What are all these pillows? Would you stop with the pillows? I'm just asking.
They're from your mother.
Please don't mention my mother.
Mostly, "that feels good.
Keep doing that.
" When the hell will this meeting start? Must be running late.
I got to hit the ladies' room.
I'm going to tell her.
That you were in a coma? Yeah.
Good.
Is she not achingly lovely? She's very pretty.
I have to tell her.
Am i sweating? No.
She'll think it's funny.
I'm sweating.
I bet she'll laugh.
She won't laugh.
Jamie? She can laugh.
I would laugh, you might laugh.
Jamie will not think this is funny.
Next, please.
Although she might think it's funny.
Hey i'll be subtle.
Trust me.
Hi.
Hello again.
You may be able to help us.
My friend here is in a bit of an embarrassing situation.
What's wrong with you? Last night, he gave his wife a gift.
A very, very wonderful gift.
The problem is, he doesn't remember giving it to her.
Is this something you bought here? No, no.
This is something i made it myself.
This is something he made and his wife just loved.
She really loved this gift.
That's quite enough sharing.
Thank you.
Paulie, she wants to know.
You guys don't need anything wrapped at all, do you? That's not true.
We need this wrapped in a lovely box.
These are my pants i wore from home.
The woman is here to wrap.
Let her do her job.
Am i rightcassandra? Yes.
So, where do you fellas live? Where do you need me? Well if you lived out of state, I could ship this save the sales tax.
My aunt lives in jersey.
We could send it to her.
Why would we ship my pants to your aunt? To save the sales tax.
How long will this take? A few minutes.
You go ahead.
You take your time.
I love her.
He did that to you? For an hour.
And you let him? I begged him.
I thought there was no talking.
I begged him without words.
An hour, huh? It didn't tickle? Why would that tickle? O.
K.
, i believe you.
O.
K.
, girls, the meter's running.
That just gets funnier Every time i hear it.
O.
K.
, ready? I just got to hit the ladies' room.
What is with you? I should be getting back to work.
Hey, hey.
We're in public.
These pants are itching me.
We don't stare, sweetheart.
You want to go grab a bite to eat? Can't.
I got to go home, get my tapes for my meeting.
Where's my keys? I don't have them.
They're in my pants.
My other pants.
The ones on their way to jersey.
That was dumb.
Come here.
What? Oh, like it was my fault.
Frannie, where is james? She's in the bathroom for, like, the 40th time today.
How'd it go with your cabbies? They expect us to spruce up their image, But all they do is curse.
The bastards.
What are you doing here? I need jamie's keys to get into the house.
Where are your keys? It's so dumb, i can't even tell you.
You could tell me.
I heard about last night.
Good for you.
I can't believe she tells you these things.
What did she tell you? You should know.
You were there.
Yeah, well, you'd be surprised.
What are you talking about? All right, i want to ask you your opinion, But you got to swear to not tell jamie.
I swear.
Not the kind of swear where you tell anyway.
I swear.
If i tell you, you and i will have a secret so? From jamie.
So? We've never done that.
You belong to her.
You're predominantly her friend.
I am your friend.
Friend-In-Law.
O.
K.
Whatever.
We're going to step over that line, And you can never go back.
O.
K.
, don't tell me.
I want to tell you now.
All right, tell me.
You got to swear.
I told you, i can't.
I'm giving you another chance.
All right, i swear.
Hey, you.
Tell me.
I don't trust you.
I haven't had these in ages.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
You are just too happy today.
I'm not happy.
Something's going on with you.
I told you.
[Softly.]
good sex only lasts so long.
There's something else.
What else? If you want to catch a cab, that's fine.
I'll walk home.
I'll wait.
What else? So are you going to tell me or not? Tell you what? What else? Um just go.
I need a bunch of stuff.
I'm in no rush.
What else? Um there's no reason for you to wait.
You trying to get rid of me? No, no, no, no.
What are you not telling me? Nothing.
What else? I'll wait outside.
You get whatever you need.
You'll probably have to stop in the ladies' room again, And, uh we'll walk home and talk.
You sure? What else? The early pregnancy test.
Yeah, throw one of those in there.
I think it can be a great film for you, But you tell me what you think.
No, let me tell you what you think.
O.
K.
You think this might be a good film for us Because we're conservative, we're corporate, we're safe, We're middle-Of-The-Road.
We never push the envelope or take the chances An independent filmmaker like you likes to take.
I made over 70 documentary films.
I never made a dime, And i never knew where my next job was coming from.
Then one day i drove my cousin's mercedes, And i said "you know what? This is a very nice car.
" All right, sir.
Let me make you a proposition.
Hey, you home? I'm in here! You won't believe this meeting i just had.
Idon't believe this meeting i just had.
Just a second.
Hey, dog of mine.
You, too, will not believe this meeting.
Good or bad? Good, but really weird.
You got to hear it.
Are you thirsty? I'm so thirsty? Listen to this.
So i go in there, I figure if they buy my film, I'll know what i'm doing for the next six weeks.
Right? Yeah.
This woman, she's, like, the general manager of the whole network.
Nice enough lady She loves the film.
What would i think about coming to work there full-Time? What do you mean? I said, what does that mean, full-Time? She says, we really need someone to work in-House full-Time.
I would be directing and producing all of their films.
Wow.
Mm-Hmm.
Egypt makes beer? Ii don't know.
They want to do They'd need me to commit for at least three years.
Three years? I said, i'm very flattered, But i've never done that.
I work for myself.
I do the projects i want to do.
I forgot, i got to pee.
Hey, how'd your meeting go? It was fine.
Yeah? You want to talk about it? Not really? Sure? Mm-Hmm.
Okay.
So i tell her it's not what i want right now.
She starts telling me about state-Of-The-Art editing facilities, Then she talks about the money, Which, is, like, no kidding around, real money.
Plus they got medical plans and a pension plan.
There's some plan with a "k" that puts money away for you.
You got to explain this one to me.
I don't want to work for anybody, but it's not really selling out.
It's what i do.
I don't know.
Go do what you have to do.
Yeah.
People were really nice, But do i really want to have all these meetings With guys named chuck and everything, and hey, what is this? It's an early pregnancy test.
I see that.
Why do we have one all opened up? To see if i'm pregnant.
I may be pregnant.
How come? How come? Uh, because i may be.
Because i'm late.
You know me.
I'm never late.
I'm like a clock.
You've been late.
When? Last summer remember? We started picking out baby names.
That was, like, eight hours late.
So let's not jump to conclusions here.
I'm now four days late.
So you come in early tomorrow.
I'm not kidding, my fertile friend.
You may be looking at a pregnant woman.
When do we know? Couple of minutes.
I just put up the egg timer.
I still say this will turn out to be nothing.
I don't think i want it to be nothing.
Did i miss a meeting? We haven't been exactly careful about this lately.
Who hasn't been careful? Last night.
I specifically said to you, "I'm not using anything.
" Last night? Yeah.
You said that? Yeah.
What did i say? Nothing.
Right.
So? So i assumed you were with me on this.
Well, whatever.
But if you're four days late, This didn't happen last night.
So i wasn't so careful a couple of weeks ago.
Whatever.
When? Whenever.
You weren't careful? I didn't always put my diaphragm in.
What? I didn't always put my diaphragm in.
I didn't hear you.
I didn't always put my diaphragm in! On purpose? You know accidentally on purpose.
There's no such thing.
It was unconscious.
It was unconscious.
O.
K.
, so how do you know? What's with your sideburns? Wait a second.
You knew this, and you didn't tell me? I'm telling you now.
That's so that'sthat's such a violation.
Violation.
No, it's not.
It's not? That'sthat's just that's just so wrong i need somebody else here.
This is so it's just wrong all over the place.
You're absolutely right.
I'm the devil.
Meanwhile, i want to make a baby with you.
I well, howhow when did you get to this? I'm not 20 anymore.
I can't keep telling my body no And expect it to hop to when we say so.
Plus everyone we know is having a baby.
There's a good reason.
It's not the reason.
What is the reason? The reason is i want to.
Do you know how beautiful our baby would be? It would be a beautiful baby.
Do you know how loved our baby would be? It would be very loved.
So? I'm not against having a baby.
I'm just not caught up to you yet.
Relax.
Do you not know why what you did was so wrong? I know, i know, i know.
That's like having sex with somebody when they're sleeping.
That is sick.
That is sick.
That's a bad example, maybe, but did it just bing? No.
Do you want to be like augie? Who's augie? What's-Her-Name's husband.
He's, like, 65 he's not 65.
Whatever.
Do you want to wait that long? No, no.
So? So? Even though you don't think you're ready, Maybe this is somebody else's way of saying, "You know what, you guys? You're ready.
" This job is exactly the kind of job A grown-Up guy with kids would have.
Well? So what do we do? We get a cradle? Yeah.
Do you know what kind to get? Yeah.
But, you know, it just it would change everything between you and me.
Everybody always says that that you lose the thing between the two of you.
But who cares? Who cares? I'm ready.
Well, you know, i'm not.
[Ding.]
You sure this is accurate? It's accurate.
You happy? No.
No? I thought i'd be relieved.
I'mi feel, like, sad now.
You're sad? I feel a little sad.
You're a little sad.
I'm plenty sad.
I'm so happy you're sad.
Thank you very much.
You know what i mean.
Should we start trying? Now? From now on? Maybe.
Really? Yeah.
Are you sure? No, i'm not sure.
But we're going to start trying? Yeah.
What did i just say? All right, then.
All right.
Hah.
Excuse me.
What? I'm throwing this out.
O.
K.
I will.
Do it.
Don't think i won't.
I don't.
[Chuckles.]
You want to know how beautiful this baby would be? Come here.
What? I just think i handled this whole thing really great.
Before the b-A-B-Y comes, We'll have to have a nice long t-A-L-K With the d-O-G.
He knows.
Quick question.
Do we still like these pants? Yes.
O.
K.
Then i shall wear them.
Good.
'Cause i got that meeting today.
I'm not sure which way to go.
I want to look a little like them, a little like me.
Who are you meeting with? The explorer channel.
Wear khaki.
Why? Explorer, safari you wear khakis or chinos.
No.
Khakis are chinos.
Myth, myth.
One's a color, one's a style.
[Telephone rings.]
I don't think so, my little friend.
Wasn't last night wonderful? Huh? Hello.
Hey, ira, you would know khakis and chinos same thing or different? Ha.
Same thing.
Both wrong.
Yeah, right.
So, what's up? No, i don't want to do that.
Do what? Go with ira to klarik's And watch him stare at the gift-Wrapping girl.
You should go.
Why? You can buy chinos.
Come with me.
I can't.
Fran and i are meeting with the cabdrivers union.
I hate buying pants myself.
You're going to walk into that meeting, The explorer people will look at you in your crisp new chinos And say, "hey, we've got to buy a movie from chino boy.
" Ooh! I'll see you at the store at 10:30.
What is happening to you? Nothing.
I just really enjoyed last night.
Well, that's a good thing.
Why? Didn't you? I i, uh i have no complaints about last night.
I should hope not.
You broke the clock, you know.
What clock? On the nightstand.
We did? No, you did.
When you flung me back over to your side.
Sorry.
No sorry.
Thank you.
Thank you.
No, no, no.
Thank you.
Why, exactly, was last night so great? Why? No, i know why.
I'm saying, why do you think it was so great? Because it was so great.
You were so uninhibited, so primal.
You were so wild.
Yeah.
Well, what are you going to do? Maybe we go to bed early tonight? You got it.
Good luck.
Good luck to you.
Woof! What did you see? What do you mean, you don't remember? I have no recollection of the whole event.
You're telling me you're banging away hey! Pardon me.
Your lovely wife and yourself are having conjugal activities, In the middle of the night, The best sex of your married career, And you were sound asleep.
This is what i'm saying.
Ha ha ha ha.
This is funny to you? Walking in your sleep is one thing why don't you try these? These are like chinos, but there's a heavier weave.
There's a triple pleat, which makes the pockets more streamlined.
Lise, listen to you.
New and improved sister-In-Law, Now with extra pants knowledge.
You want to know what my boss mr.
Klarik said? Please.
He said i have the best sense Of design and presentation of anyone he's hired since 1984.
Wow.
Yeah, i know.
Starting next week, i spend a month in personnel.
They're grooming me.
You're being groomed? Yeah.
For what? I don't know.
All right.
What do we think of these? Uhwe like these.
These are khaki, right? Yeah, but they're not chinos.
Why not? These are chinos.
Those are chinos.
Why are these chinos? Look, it is so simple.
You can have a khaki pant that are chinos Or chinos that are khaki, but not all chinos are khaki.
And not all khakis are chinos, or even pants.
Hell, you can have a khaki shirt or a hat.
That's a chunk of my life i'll never get back.
Why don't you try on the charcoal? Excuse me.
Brenda, that's not how we do things! I love doing that.
Six months ago She was watching hogan's heroes with milk.
You know, what i don't understand is this how deep were you sleeping? If you were really that good, wouldn't you wake yourself up? Apparently not.
Maybe she made it up.
That's what i thought.
Look at this.
What? That's where i knocked over the alarm clock.
I'm so good, i actually injured myself.
You know what the scary part is? What if i'm never that good again? What if my young bride Realizes that the sleeping me Is better than the awake me? Don't tell her, dopey.
No.
I'm not no, you just don't.
Your stock is way up now.
Leave it alone.
There's still the pressure of having to do it again.
I don't know if i can compete with me.
She's telling me these are not khaki? Ooh.
These pants are itchy.
Ah.
Now you bought 'em.
He flung you.
Like a sack of cotton.
Good for him.
Good for me.
There was no talking.
He just rolled over, threw off the covers, and took me.
He took you? And there was no talking.
You guys talk? Yeah, we talk.
What do you talk about? You know that feels good.
Don't stop.
I love you so much.
Keep doing that.
What are all these pillows? Would you stop with the pillows? I'm just asking.
They're from your mother.
Please don't mention my mother.
Mostly, "that feels good.
Keep doing that.
" When the hell will this meeting start? Must be running late.
I got to hit the ladies' room.
I'm going to tell her.
That you were in a coma? Yeah.
Good.
Is she not achingly lovely? She's very pretty.
I have to tell her.
Am i sweating? No.
She'll think it's funny.
I'm sweating.
I bet she'll laugh.
She won't laugh.
Jamie? She can laugh.
I would laugh, you might laugh.
Jamie will not think this is funny.
Next, please.
Although she might think it's funny.
Hey i'll be subtle.
Trust me.
Hi.
Hello again.
You may be able to help us.
My friend here is in a bit of an embarrassing situation.
What's wrong with you? Last night, he gave his wife a gift.
A very, very wonderful gift.
The problem is, he doesn't remember giving it to her.
Is this something you bought here? No, no.
This is something i made it myself.
This is something he made and his wife just loved.
She really loved this gift.
That's quite enough sharing.
Thank you.
Paulie, she wants to know.
You guys don't need anything wrapped at all, do you? That's not true.
We need this wrapped in a lovely box.
These are my pants i wore from home.
The woman is here to wrap.
Let her do her job.
Am i rightcassandra? Yes.
So, where do you fellas live? Where do you need me? Well if you lived out of state, I could ship this save the sales tax.
My aunt lives in jersey.
We could send it to her.
Why would we ship my pants to your aunt? To save the sales tax.
How long will this take? A few minutes.
You go ahead.
You take your time.
I love her.
He did that to you? For an hour.
And you let him? I begged him.
I thought there was no talking.
I begged him without words.
An hour, huh? It didn't tickle? Why would that tickle? O.
K.
, i believe you.
O.
K.
, girls, the meter's running.
That just gets funnier Every time i hear it.
O.
K.
, ready? I just got to hit the ladies' room.
What is with you? I should be getting back to work.
Hey, hey.
We're in public.
These pants are itching me.
We don't stare, sweetheart.
You want to go grab a bite to eat? Can't.
I got to go home, get my tapes for my meeting.
Where's my keys? I don't have them.
They're in my pants.
My other pants.
The ones on their way to jersey.
That was dumb.
Come here.
What? Oh, like it was my fault.
Frannie, where is james? She's in the bathroom for, like, the 40th time today.
How'd it go with your cabbies? They expect us to spruce up their image, But all they do is curse.
The bastards.
What are you doing here? I need jamie's keys to get into the house.
Where are your keys? It's so dumb, i can't even tell you.
You could tell me.
I heard about last night.
Good for you.
I can't believe she tells you these things.
What did she tell you? You should know.
You were there.
Yeah, well, you'd be surprised.
What are you talking about? All right, i want to ask you your opinion, But you got to swear to not tell jamie.
I swear.
Not the kind of swear where you tell anyway.
I swear.
If i tell you, you and i will have a secret so? From jamie.
So? We've never done that.
You belong to her.
You're predominantly her friend.
I am your friend.
Friend-In-Law.
O.
K.
Whatever.
We're going to step over that line, And you can never go back.
O.
K.
, don't tell me.
I want to tell you now.
All right, tell me.
You got to swear.
I told you, i can't.
I'm giving you another chance.
All right, i swear.
Hey, you.
Tell me.
I don't trust you.
I haven't had these in ages.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
You are just too happy today.
I'm not happy.
Something's going on with you.
I told you.
[Softly.]
good sex only lasts so long.
There's something else.
What else? If you want to catch a cab, that's fine.
I'll walk home.
I'll wait.
What else? So are you going to tell me or not? Tell you what? What else? Um just go.
I need a bunch of stuff.
I'm in no rush.
What else? Um there's no reason for you to wait.
You trying to get rid of me? No, no, no, no.
What are you not telling me? Nothing.
What else? I'll wait outside.
You get whatever you need.
You'll probably have to stop in the ladies' room again, And, uh we'll walk home and talk.
You sure? What else? The early pregnancy test.
Yeah, throw one of those in there.
I think it can be a great film for you, But you tell me what you think.
No, let me tell you what you think.
O.
K.
You think this might be a good film for us Because we're conservative, we're corporate, we're safe, We're middle-Of-The-Road.
We never push the envelope or take the chances An independent filmmaker like you likes to take.
I made over 70 documentary films.
I never made a dime, And i never knew where my next job was coming from.
Then one day i drove my cousin's mercedes, And i said "you know what? This is a very nice car.
" All right, sir.
Let me make you a proposition.
Hey, you home? I'm in here! You won't believe this meeting i just had.
Idon't believe this meeting i just had.
Just a second.
Hey, dog of mine.
You, too, will not believe this meeting.
Good or bad? Good, but really weird.
You got to hear it.
Are you thirsty? I'm so thirsty? Listen to this.
So i go in there, I figure if they buy my film, I'll know what i'm doing for the next six weeks.
Right? Yeah.
This woman, she's, like, the general manager of the whole network.
Nice enough lady She loves the film.
What would i think about coming to work there full-Time? What do you mean? I said, what does that mean, full-Time? She says, we really need someone to work in-House full-Time.
I would be directing and producing all of their films.
Wow.
Mm-Hmm.
Egypt makes beer? Ii don't know.
They want to do They'd need me to commit for at least three years.
Three years? I said, i'm very flattered, But i've never done that.
I work for myself.
I do the projects i want to do.
I forgot, i got to pee.
Hey, how'd your meeting go? It was fine.
Yeah? You want to talk about it? Not really? Sure? Mm-Hmm.
Okay.
So i tell her it's not what i want right now.
She starts telling me about state-Of-The-Art editing facilities, Then she talks about the money, Which, is, like, no kidding around, real money.
Plus they got medical plans and a pension plan.
There's some plan with a "k" that puts money away for you.
You got to explain this one to me.
I don't want to work for anybody, but it's not really selling out.
It's what i do.
I don't know.
Go do what you have to do.
Yeah.
People were really nice, But do i really want to have all these meetings With guys named chuck and everything, and hey, what is this? It's an early pregnancy test.
I see that.
Why do we have one all opened up? To see if i'm pregnant.
I may be pregnant.
How come? How come? Uh, because i may be.
Because i'm late.
You know me.
I'm never late.
I'm like a clock.
You've been late.
When? Last summer remember? We started picking out baby names.
That was, like, eight hours late.
So let's not jump to conclusions here.
I'm now four days late.
So you come in early tomorrow.
I'm not kidding, my fertile friend.
You may be looking at a pregnant woman.
When do we know? Couple of minutes.
I just put up the egg timer.
I still say this will turn out to be nothing.
I don't think i want it to be nothing.
Did i miss a meeting? We haven't been exactly careful about this lately.
Who hasn't been careful? Last night.
I specifically said to you, "I'm not using anything.
" Last night? Yeah.
You said that? Yeah.
What did i say? Nothing.
Right.
So? So i assumed you were with me on this.
Well, whatever.
But if you're four days late, This didn't happen last night.
So i wasn't so careful a couple of weeks ago.
Whatever.
When? Whenever.
You weren't careful? I didn't always put my diaphragm in.
What? I didn't always put my diaphragm in.
I didn't hear you.
I didn't always put my diaphragm in! On purpose? You know accidentally on purpose.
There's no such thing.
It was unconscious.
It was unconscious.
O.
K.
, so how do you know? What's with your sideburns? Wait a second.
You knew this, and you didn't tell me? I'm telling you now.
That's so that'sthat's such a violation.
Violation.
No, it's not.
It's not? That'sthat's just that's just so wrong i need somebody else here.
This is so it's just wrong all over the place.
You're absolutely right.
I'm the devil.
Meanwhile, i want to make a baby with you.
I well, howhow when did you get to this? I'm not 20 anymore.
I can't keep telling my body no And expect it to hop to when we say so.
Plus everyone we know is having a baby.
There's a good reason.
It's not the reason.
What is the reason? The reason is i want to.
Do you know how beautiful our baby would be? It would be a beautiful baby.
Do you know how loved our baby would be? It would be very loved.
So? I'm not against having a baby.
I'm just not caught up to you yet.
Relax.
Do you not know why what you did was so wrong? I know, i know, i know.
That's like having sex with somebody when they're sleeping.
That is sick.
That is sick.
That's a bad example, maybe, but did it just bing? No.
Do you want to be like augie? Who's augie? What's-Her-Name's husband.
He's, like, 65 he's not 65.
Whatever.
Do you want to wait that long? No, no.
So? So? Even though you don't think you're ready, Maybe this is somebody else's way of saying, "You know what, you guys? You're ready.
" This job is exactly the kind of job A grown-Up guy with kids would have.
Well? So what do we do? We get a cradle? Yeah.
Do you know what kind to get? Yeah.
But, you know, it just it would change everything between you and me.
Everybody always says that that you lose the thing between the two of you.
But who cares? Who cares? I'm ready.
Well, you know, i'm not.
[Ding.]
You sure this is accurate? It's accurate.
You happy? No.
No? I thought i'd be relieved.
I'mi feel, like, sad now.
You're sad? I feel a little sad.
You're a little sad.
I'm plenty sad.
I'm so happy you're sad.
Thank you very much.
You know what i mean.
Should we start trying? Now? From now on? Maybe.
Really? Yeah.
Are you sure? No, i'm not sure.
But we're going to start trying? Yeah.
What did i just say? All right, then.
All right.
Hah.
Excuse me.
What? I'm throwing this out.
O.
K.
I will.
Do it.
Don't think i won't.
I don't.
[Chuckles.]
You want to know how beautiful this baby would be? Come here.
What? I just think i handled this whole thing really great.
Before the b-A-B-Y comes, We'll have to have a nice long t-A-L-K With the d-O-G.
He knows.