Metalocalypse (2006) s04e01 Episode Script
Fanklok
As the prophecy foretold, they licked their wounds and returned from the air to the earth.
Blind men escaping the skies, condemned, the klok counts down the ghost that's still alive infest your mind with fog venom spearing, spells adhering, sweating, fearing madness takes you down rejoin It's darker this time An amazing return! Now that you're back on earth and your new record is in the can, is there anything you want to tell the world? I'm really excited because I finally found a girl who loves me for me.
For the first time ever, I've begun seriously dating one of my fans.
Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Guys, I'm worried about Nathan.
Dating a fan is, you know, kind of a no-no.
Whats abouts a quicks humps with a groupies? Whats ams wrong with dats? Well, Tokis, you cand humps all de groupies you want, but, you know -- But don't make a fan your girlfriend.
Why not?! Because fans are crazy, obsessed weirdos.
You can't have a real relationship with them.
Mark my words! He'll see.
It always ends badly.
What a sad dildo Hi.
Hi.
Listen, all of you -- my girl-fan-friend is awesome, okay? It's a great relationship! It's not a relationship.
It's an ego booster.
She's, like, totally the most loyal person in the world.
She's like a [bleep.]
amazing, hot, loyal labrador but with really nice tits.
All we're saying is that she kinda sounds like a crazy dildo.
Hi.
Eww.
Yeah, you're right.
Let's go.
Charles always gets pissed off if we're late, you know? He's such an uptight di-i-i-ildo-o-o-o-o-o.
Hi.
Hi.
Okay, a couple things.
First, Klokikon, the, uh, annual convention for a few hundred thousand Dethklok fans, is coming up.
What is it? Klokikon.
Ha! Sounds stupids! Kloks-ko-[bleep.]
Well, I didn't come up with the name.
So, once again, you're all invited to participate, do signings.
They have hundreds of people dressed like each of you.
Why ams they dressed likes us? Uh, I don't know, Skwisgaar -- because they're all driven by fan obsession to dress like you.
And what? We's being expecteds to gives them candies?! I'm gonna cut to the chase -- do you guys want to be a part of Klokikon or not? No.
Pass! Fine.
Moving on.
Okay, let's talk about the new, uh -- Sorry.
Can't do Klokikon, Charles.
I know.
You just told me.
Yeah.
By the way, I'll be doing a lot more smoking because, uhhhh, I'm [bleep.]
smoking cigarettes now.
Eh, no big deal.
I'm sure you already saw this, but I'm kinda on the cover of smokaroonie aficionado.
Yep, got the cover.
Smooth.
Cigarettes am sos cools! Gives me one of thems! No! No! Thoses cigarettes are mine! If I catch any of you smoking, you'll be in deep trouble -- deep trouble! You got it?! Ah [bleep.]
smoke alarms! Gentlemen, Dethklok has moved back to earth and is on the verge of releasing a new record.
General Crozier? In addition, Nathan explosion has begun dating a fan.
Historically, dating a fan has proven to be catastrophic.
Yes.
Here to speak more is Nathan explosion romance expert Dr.
Tormindbind Mickmildididindnin.
Dr.
Mickmildididindnin? Nathan explosion is cursed by love.
In this case, he's embarked in the worst relationship known to mankind -- he's begun seriously dating one of his wretched, mindless fans.
A last-ditch, pathetic effort to avoid intimacy.
These "fan, avoidance, pretend relationships" have the illusion of working, but when the celebrity wants out, the results can be quite dangerous.
The economy is growing stronger thanks to the anticipation of Dethklok's upcoming album.
And soon, that money will flow into Falconback like a river.
General, your moment to shine is coming.
All my lobbying efforts will come to fruition when the biggest defense bill of all time is passed through congress.
We are on the precipice of something great.
Falconback will soon thrive! Look.
Trindle left her laptop out.
You think that's weird? I mean, she's always walking around with that thing.
She seems so protective of it.
I wonder why.
Huh.
What ams yous sayins about Trindle's ands dat, uh, lapstops? I don't know.
It's just like she knows everything about Dethklok, but we don't know anything about her.
Welps, I bets everythings to knows about her ams ins dats a lapstops.
I guess we should take a look.
Toki: What the [bleep.]
Are you doing?! Aah! You swiped my [bleep.]
smokes! Smokes? And you're smokin' em! Wait.
Hold on.
Isn't that Trindle's laptop? Nathan, your [bleep.]
girlfriend is under suspicion for the disappearance of several Dethklok cover-band lead singers.
All the Nathans gones -- without a trace! She was detaineds but never charged.
She ams stills at large! Look, Nathan, she has an active dating profile, and it looks like she's trying to lure people in that look like you.
I can't get enough Nathan explosion! Do you look like Nathan? Call me! She's a no-good whore like your moth, Skwisgaar! Sorry.
She's [bleep.]
Cheating on you! Nathans! Slows down! I'll prove you all wrong.
She would never cheat on me.
She made that dating profile as a joke.
She was joking! Trindle has a wonderful sense of humor! Ahhh.
Nathans! Where ams you takings us?! I'm going to the place where Dethklok fans go.
Gonna go and prove Trindle's innocence! We're going to Klokikon.
Oh, no.
Get a team over to Klokikon immediately.
We have code black.
Trindle's computer says she's supposed to have some kind of an exhibition here.
Oh, my gods.
Look at this place.
Sweaty nerds.
Ah, cosplay geeks.
Dethklok furries.
Just what we needs -- more homosketuals fans fictions.
Hey, looks! Thats ams a really goods renderings of my abs! Can you guys get out of my way? I want to buy a Dethklok comic book.
Where did you get a 100-ounce Coca-Cola? It's a galloner.
Can I ask you something? Do you eat a lot of garlic crazy bread? Yeah.
Nice Nathan outfit.
Thanks, uh, fat Pickles.
Hey, fat pickle, you don't knows where de Trindle's exhibition is, does you? I do! It's over there! Ams thats supposed to be me? Are you guys smoking? You know that's bad for you.
Thank you for the, uh, health advice.
Come on! Let's go! What the hell was I thinking? She's not a very good girlfriend at all! She's, like, the worst girlfriend ever! She's a cheater! I'm not cheating on you.
They're all you.
They are all you.
You see, I'm a very big fan of yours -- such a big fan, uh, that I was all of you.
Get away from me! Guys! Guys! There's too many [bleep.]
stairs.
Too many stairs.
A lot of steps up theres.
Let's takes a smokes break.
Definitely taking a smoke break.
I get it.
You're a really big fan, okay? - Just let me out of here.
- Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no.
You don't really get it.
You're crazy! Am I?! Or do I just want the perfect finish? The perfectexplosion? Nathan! Nathan! We're here! Even better! We will all end together! Guys, we haves to creates a diversions So that we can get Nathans out of the situaskins.
I got it! We'll make a smoke screen -- a cigarette smoke screen! Smokes in thats direction! More smokin'! Smoke thicker! Keep smokings! It ams working! Guys, it's Ofdensen! Oh! Nathan! Iloveyou! Blind men escaping the skies, condemned, the klok counts down the ghost that's still alive infest your mind with fog venom spearing, spells adhering, sweating, fearing madness takes you down Aah! Rejoin Oh! It's darker this time Aah! Can't kill me Rejoin Aah! It's darker Aah! this time Can't kill me Oh, God!
Blind men escaping the skies, condemned, the klok counts down the ghost that's still alive infest your mind with fog venom spearing, spells adhering, sweating, fearing madness takes you down rejoin It's darker this time An amazing return! Now that you're back on earth and your new record is in the can, is there anything you want to tell the world? I'm really excited because I finally found a girl who loves me for me.
For the first time ever, I've begun seriously dating one of my fans.
Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Guys, I'm worried about Nathan.
Dating a fan is, you know, kind of a no-no.
Whats abouts a quicks humps with a groupies? Whats ams wrong with dats? Well, Tokis, you cand humps all de groupies you want, but, you know -- But don't make a fan your girlfriend.
Why not?! Because fans are crazy, obsessed weirdos.
You can't have a real relationship with them.
Mark my words! He'll see.
It always ends badly.
What a sad dildo Hi.
Hi.
Listen, all of you -- my girl-fan-friend is awesome, okay? It's a great relationship! It's not a relationship.
It's an ego booster.
She's, like, totally the most loyal person in the world.
She's like a [bleep.]
amazing, hot, loyal labrador but with really nice tits.
All we're saying is that she kinda sounds like a crazy dildo.
Hi.
Eww.
Yeah, you're right.
Let's go.
Charles always gets pissed off if we're late, you know? He's such an uptight di-i-i-ildo-o-o-o-o-o.
Hi.
Hi.
Okay, a couple things.
First, Klokikon, the, uh, annual convention for a few hundred thousand Dethklok fans, is coming up.
What is it? Klokikon.
Ha! Sounds stupids! Kloks-ko-[bleep.]
Well, I didn't come up with the name.
So, once again, you're all invited to participate, do signings.
They have hundreds of people dressed like each of you.
Why ams they dressed likes us? Uh, I don't know, Skwisgaar -- because they're all driven by fan obsession to dress like you.
And what? We's being expecteds to gives them candies?! I'm gonna cut to the chase -- do you guys want to be a part of Klokikon or not? No.
Pass! Fine.
Moving on.
Okay, let's talk about the new, uh -- Sorry.
Can't do Klokikon, Charles.
I know.
You just told me.
Yeah.
By the way, I'll be doing a lot more smoking because, uhhhh, I'm [bleep.]
smoking cigarettes now.
Eh, no big deal.
I'm sure you already saw this, but I'm kinda on the cover of smokaroonie aficionado.
Yep, got the cover.
Smooth.
Cigarettes am sos cools! Gives me one of thems! No! No! Thoses cigarettes are mine! If I catch any of you smoking, you'll be in deep trouble -- deep trouble! You got it?! Ah [bleep.]
smoke alarms! Gentlemen, Dethklok has moved back to earth and is on the verge of releasing a new record.
General Crozier? In addition, Nathan explosion has begun dating a fan.
Historically, dating a fan has proven to be catastrophic.
Yes.
Here to speak more is Nathan explosion romance expert Dr.
Tormindbind Mickmildididindnin.
Dr.
Mickmildididindnin? Nathan explosion is cursed by love.
In this case, he's embarked in the worst relationship known to mankind -- he's begun seriously dating one of his wretched, mindless fans.
A last-ditch, pathetic effort to avoid intimacy.
These "fan, avoidance, pretend relationships" have the illusion of working, but when the celebrity wants out, the results can be quite dangerous.
The economy is growing stronger thanks to the anticipation of Dethklok's upcoming album.
And soon, that money will flow into Falconback like a river.
General, your moment to shine is coming.
All my lobbying efforts will come to fruition when the biggest defense bill of all time is passed through congress.
We are on the precipice of something great.
Falconback will soon thrive! Look.
Trindle left her laptop out.
You think that's weird? I mean, she's always walking around with that thing.
She seems so protective of it.
I wonder why.
Huh.
What ams yous sayins about Trindle's ands dat, uh, lapstops? I don't know.
It's just like she knows everything about Dethklok, but we don't know anything about her.
Welps, I bets everythings to knows about her ams ins dats a lapstops.
I guess we should take a look.
Toki: What the [bleep.]
Are you doing?! Aah! You swiped my [bleep.]
smokes! Smokes? And you're smokin' em! Wait.
Hold on.
Isn't that Trindle's laptop? Nathan, your [bleep.]
girlfriend is under suspicion for the disappearance of several Dethklok cover-band lead singers.
All the Nathans gones -- without a trace! She was detaineds but never charged.
She ams stills at large! Look, Nathan, she has an active dating profile, and it looks like she's trying to lure people in that look like you.
I can't get enough Nathan explosion! Do you look like Nathan? Call me! She's a no-good whore like your moth, Skwisgaar! Sorry.
She's [bleep.]
Cheating on you! Nathans! Slows down! I'll prove you all wrong.
She would never cheat on me.
She made that dating profile as a joke.
She was joking! Trindle has a wonderful sense of humor! Ahhh.
Nathans! Where ams you takings us?! I'm going to the place where Dethklok fans go.
Gonna go and prove Trindle's innocence! We're going to Klokikon.
Oh, no.
Get a team over to Klokikon immediately.
We have code black.
Trindle's computer says she's supposed to have some kind of an exhibition here.
Oh, my gods.
Look at this place.
Sweaty nerds.
Ah, cosplay geeks.
Dethklok furries.
Just what we needs -- more homosketuals fans fictions.
Hey, looks! Thats ams a really goods renderings of my abs! Can you guys get out of my way? I want to buy a Dethklok comic book.
Where did you get a 100-ounce Coca-Cola? It's a galloner.
Can I ask you something? Do you eat a lot of garlic crazy bread? Yeah.
Nice Nathan outfit.
Thanks, uh, fat Pickles.
Hey, fat pickle, you don't knows where de Trindle's exhibition is, does you? I do! It's over there! Ams thats supposed to be me? Are you guys smoking? You know that's bad for you.
Thank you for the, uh, health advice.
Come on! Let's go! What the hell was I thinking? She's not a very good girlfriend at all! She's, like, the worst girlfriend ever! She's a cheater! I'm not cheating on you.
They're all you.
They are all you.
You see, I'm a very big fan of yours -- such a big fan, uh, that I was all of you.
Get away from me! Guys! Guys! There's too many [bleep.]
stairs.
Too many stairs.
A lot of steps up theres.
Let's takes a smokes break.
Definitely taking a smoke break.
I get it.
You're a really big fan, okay? - Just let me out of here.
- Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no.
You don't really get it.
You're crazy! Am I?! Or do I just want the perfect finish? The perfectexplosion? Nathan! Nathan! We're here! Even better! We will all end together! Guys, we haves to creates a diversions So that we can get Nathans out of the situaskins.
I got it! We'll make a smoke screen -- a cigarette smoke screen! Smokes in thats direction! More smokin'! Smoke thicker! Keep smokings! It ams working! Guys, it's Ofdensen! Oh! Nathan! Iloveyou! Blind men escaping the skies, condemned, the klok counts down the ghost that's still alive infest your mind with fog venom spearing, spells adhering, sweating, fearing madness takes you down Aah! Rejoin Oh! It's darker this time Aah! Can't kill me Rejoin Aah! It's darker Aah! this time Can't kill me Oh, God!