Miracle Workers (2019) s04e01 Episode Script

In the beginning, there was The Boom.
Mankind used its science against itself,
reducing the glittering towers
of glass and steel to dust.
My name is Sid.
I was born into a world with no past.
No future.
Wandering the endless Wasteland.
Alone.
Hey, guys! Over here! Over here
Let's go!
Must I do everything myself?
Puny desert trash.
No one escapes the wrath
of Freya Exaltada!
- You're a tough little cockroach.
- And you're a psychotic bitch.
I did not see that coming.
Cute.
Mazel tov!
Are you sure about this?
I don't like the look of it.
Oh, come on. What's so scary about
moving to the suburbs?
Shall we?
MIRACLE WORKERS
END TIMES
Freya, have you seen my tie?
I'm late for work.
I've never had a 9:00
to 5:00 job before.
Hey, we moved to Boomtown
to share a life together.
I was on the road all the time
with my warlording,
and you wanted to move out
of that cramped boulder
you were hiding under like a crab.
Which means one of us
needs to start making shmoney.
- Just give it a shot, okay?
- Okay. I'll try.
There's my brave road warrior.
Scraps! Breakfast is ready!
Kibble again? How frickin' lucky am I?
Not so fast.
Sit.
Sit.
Who's a good war dog?
Who's willing to lay down
his life in combat for Mommy?
I am, I am.
Alright, I'm gonna get going.
I don't want
to be late for my first day at work.
Are you gonna be alright here?
Yeah. I can warlord from anywhere.
I'm gonna have these people
renouncing their old gods by lunch.
I'm sure you will.
No slaughtering women and children.
- I'll try. Love you.
- Love you more.
- Alright. See you later.
- Bye!
I ate that way too fast.
- I'm gonna go take a nap.
- Okay.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for "The Junkman."
Well, go wait in line with
the rest of the filthy animals.
- No offense.
- My name's Sid.
I'm your new employee.
You're the new wasteland hire.
Morris "The Junkman" Rubinstein
at your service. Be right with you.
Alright. So, your carburetor
comes to 75 bird beaks.
That's outrageous!
Hey, if you think you can find
a better deal elsewhere, go for it.
I think the next nearest outpost
of human civilization
is about a thousand miles from here.
I would've given it to him for
50 bird beaks, the big stinkin' lug.
No offense.
Closed for lunch.
I like to hire one of you
underprivileged Wastelanders every year.
Part of my way of giving
back to the community.
Plus, I get a huge tax break.
So, tell me, Sid, how much do
you know about the junk game?
Isn't it just buying
and selling a bunch of trash?
It's not trash. It's junk.
And I'll have you know,
I've built an empire out of this stuff,
ever since I received
my first rusty trombone.
There it is.
Yes, quite rusty.
Alright, we'll start you off
as a junior junk associate
and see if you're worth anything.
- Any questions?
- Yeah, just where do I sit?
Any small hole will do,
preferably without a mutated
beast living in it,
but I can obviously make that work, too.
You don't have to sit in a hole.
You get a desk.
I get that whole desk to myself?
The chair, too?
Snacks are in the kitchenette,
and if you need anything else,
just ask the office manager.
- Sound good?
- Yeah. Yeah, sounds good.
This is my chair.
Citizens of Boomtown,
it is I, Freya Exaltada,
Commander of the Seventh Legion,
Slayer of the Dread Rat King,
and High Priestess of Old Cincinnati.
I command you to bend the knee
or face my axe.
Citizens? Hello?
Is this thing on?
Hey, this is your future
overlord you're ignoring.
You're being very rude.
Freya Exaltada. I have been
programmed to eliminate you
for being a messy bitch.
It was a joke. It's funny
how I thought I was gonna die.
Scraps, you remember
my best friend, TI-90.
- Call me Tai.
- What are you doing in Boomtown?
I had to stop by the genius bar
to get my hardware cleaned.
I hooked up with
the hottest killbot last night,
but I woke up with all these pop-ups.
- I really hope I don't have a virus.
- Oh, my God. You are such a ho.
I know. I really am.
More importantly,
what are you doing here?
- Sid and I live here now.
- You do?
Like some sort of
ironic performance art?
No. Like, as my actual life.
Why? What's wrong?
- Oh, girl, we need to talk. Like, now.
- Sure.
- Scraps, why don't you take over?
- Yeah, got it.
Citizens of Boomtown, give me treats.
I've been a good boy.
Alright, newbies,
you better pay attention if you
want to be half as successful
as me one day.
Good one, boss. As if.
Hey, Junkman!
That carburetor you sold me was busted.
Well, you should've read the fine print.
It says, "Tough luck, sucker."
You will pay for this in blood!
Say,
that was some pretty quick thinking.
What do you say you and the missus
come over for dinner tonight?
I'd like to discuss your future
at this company.
My future?
Yeah, I would like that very much, Mr.
Rubinstein.
Thank you, Mr. Rubinstein.
Freya, exactly how much
do you know about Boomtown?
Not much.
I mean, I've burned places
like it to the ground, if that counts.
No, these people aren't like you and me.
They don't care about
having fun or being cool.
They've basically given up on life.
Because the world is
an uninhabitable hellscape?
No. Because they've settled down.
All they do is go to their boring jobs
and then go back home
to their boring families.
They're like robots, and I'm allowed
to say that because I am a robot.
Oh, God.
I think we made a horrible
mistake moving here.
Freya! There you are.
- We need to talk.
- Oh, Sid. Thank God.
Look, I know I asked you
to give Boomtown a shot, and
Yeah, I know, and I am so glad you did.
- You are?
- Yeah. I love it here.
I hope I make a good impression
on Mr. Rubinstein tonight.
I've never been to a fancy
dinner party before.
What do you think?
Found it on the corpse
of an old train conductor.
- Too try-hard?
- I don't understand.
I thought being a road warrior
was your whole thing.
I don't know. Maybe this is my thing.
You know, back in the Wasteland, I was
always so hot
and covered in sand.
Looking back, I think I might have been,
like, low-key depressed.
I don't know. This
This feels like somewhere
I could be really happy,
and I have you to thank for that.
I'm so glad to hear that.
I guess I should probably go change.
Greetings. Welcome to Chez Morris.
Good evening, Mr. Rubinstein.
This is my wife, Freya.
Yes. Tis I. The wife.
Morris Rubinstein.
Literal garbage person.
Please, come in.
This is your house?
Yes, it's an authentic McMansion
from the 2020s.
We kept the original laminate floors,
the chairs that only spin halfway,
and after dinner,
we can retire to le ball pit.
- Pretty swanky, huh?
- Yeah, this place is incredible.
Honey, the guests are here!
How lovely to meet you. I'm Holly.
She's a ghost! Kill it!
Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. I forgot
to explain. Holly is a hologram.
I bought her after my second
marriage hit the skids.
Holly is my queen.
She's the light of my life.
- And I love you, darling.
- Damn it!
- I was right in the middle of talking!
- Silly me.
Always forgetting my place.
I'll get dinner ready.
Yeah. Why don't you do that?
Ain't she a doll?
I made Morris's favorite, fried rat.
What can I say? I'm a foodie.
I have never tried real rat before.
Thank you so much.
What are you doing?
That's a cockroach fork.
That's a rat fork.
No, no, no. Of course. I was joking.
Can you imagine if I
didn't know which fork to use?
Like some feral beast.
So pathetic and stupid.
So, Holly, you're a hologram.
That's cool.
Oh, yes.
I love doing menial chores
all day and still finding time to
satisfy Morris's every want and need.
- Soon enough, that'll be you.
- No!
Sorry. Just girl talk.
Darling, maybe I should
go home and check on Scraps.
I mean, he hasn't been home
by himself before.
But we just got here. I'm sure Scraps
doesn't even realize we're gone.
What is happening?!
Why did they do this to me?!
Time is a liar!
May I use the bathroom?
It's right over there,
but you'll need this key attached
to a giant spoon to get in.
Be right back.
Must be so fun to use the bathroom.
This better be important!
I'm at Zion, bitch!
Oh, Tai, thank God.
I need you to come
rescue me from Sid's boss's house.
These people are even worse
than you said.
Oh, no, no. I can't leave now.
This party is lit!
Everyone is so hot and sweaty
and unidentifiably multi-cultural!
Please, if I stay here any longer,
I think
I'm literally gonna kill one of them.
Fine. Drop me a pin. I'll come get you.
Yes! Oh, my God, I love you,
I love you, I love you.
Love you!
Sorry. Excuse me. Pardon me.
No, we get it. "We're all alive
and free." Get over yourselves.
- Sorry about that.
- You're just in time.
You didn't tell me your husband
here was born under a rock.
I fairness, it was voted the seventh
best rock to give birth under,
but yeah, point taken.
Yes, sir, this is the life.
Big house, hot wife
and more bird beak
than I know what to do with.
I mean, there must be more
to life than that, right?
What about adventure,
excitement, meaning?
Your wife is starting to sound like
one of those dirty Wastelanders.
"Hey, man, I just want to drive my crazy
car and get into road wars."
That's very good. We do sound like that.
Must contain rising bloodlust.
"You stole this land from
the radioactive zombies.
They were here first."
Oh, darling, you're so funny.
Not to mention sexually attractive.
This is it.
I'm gonna murder him. It's happening.
"Save the whale.
He's the last of his kind."
Yeah, right. If I ever meet that whale,
I'm gonna harpoon his ass.
Sorry. Door was locked.
Tai? What are you doing here?
What a crazy coinki-dink.
Don't you remember?
You were going to
help me back up my files to the cloud.
I didn't take you two
to be a couple of robot lovers.
What's that supposed to mean?
Oh, nothing. I think robots play a very
important role in society
for cleaning up my trash,
ya frickin' Roomba.
Oh, you did not just say that.
Annihilation mode, activated.
You've got mail, bitch.
Some people don't know
how to behave at a dinner party.
Not like us, right, Mr. Rubinstein?
Get out! And don't bother coming in
on Monday. You're fired!
Coffee, anyone?
Tonight was a disaster.
Tai was completely out of control.
He's an emotionless killing machine.
Why is he always so dramatic?
It wasn't Tai's fault.
I asked him to come.
Wait. Sorry, why?
'Cause I'm not ready to settle down.
I don't want to turn into
one of these boring people.
I liked who we were back
in the Wasteland
Who said anything about becoming
like one of these people?
You seem so happy here.
I thought that's what you wanted.
Freya, I'm happy here
because I'm here with you.
I don't care if we live in Boomtown
or the Wasteland or anywhere else.
As long as I'm with the same
violent, sadistic,
psychotic warlord
that I fell in love with.
Oh, Sid.
What happened?
Oh, hey, you guys are back.
So, it's probably not the best time,
but someone barfed in your shoes,
and then and then they ate the barf.
How lucky am I that our guests left such
a big mess for me to clean up?
Will you keep it down, please?
I'm trying to read the paper.
Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt
your studies, dear.
Oh, geez. Couldn't you at least use
the other hole?
It is I, Freya Exaltada,
Doom Bringer Extremus,
Sultanness of the Great Garbage Islands,
and Runner-Up in the third annual
Wasteland Beatbox Championships.
I command you to give Sid his job back.
Oh, yeah? Or what?
You'll curtsy me to death?
Nope. I'm gonna beat the crap out
of you like a goddamn warlord.
Stop that!
Oh, Morris,
I didn't know that you could fit
your head up your own butt like that.
- It stinks in here!
- My flexible man.
Well, it was really great
getting to know you.
I know I only sat on you once,
but it was probably the most meaningful
experience of my life.
Sid, can I have a word with you?
Mr. Rubinstein, what happened to you?
Nothing.
I slipped getting out of the shower.
I certainly didn't have my esophagus
pulled through my butthole.
On a completely unrelated note,
I'm thinking of giving
you your job back.
Really? What changed?
What? People can't change their minds
without being flayed alive
and having your ribcage played
like a cartoon xylophone?
So, what do you say?
Thank you, Mr. Rubinstein.
Yeah, I won't let you down. I promise.
Well, you better not.
I expect you to deliver, or else.
And please give my
regards to the missus.
You know, not in a pushy way.
You know, in a polite, friendly way.
Sure.
I mean, not too polite, either. Just
You know what?
Just forget I said anything.
Welcome back.
You hear that, chair?
We're back!
I am really excited
to go to work tomorrow.
I do belong here, and I am gonna prove
that to Mr. Rubinstein.
You know what? I'm excited, too.
I mean, so what if Boomtown
isn't as cool as the Wasteland?
We'll make it cool.
- As long as we're together.
- As long as we're together.
Mind if I scooch in?
Scraps, you know you're not
allowed on the bed.
Just for one night?
I can't say no to that face.
Come in here, boy.
Yes!
- A little bit over.
- Okay.
Yeah.
This feels right.