Mount Pleasant (2011) s04e01 Episode Script

Reconnect is finished.
I'm going to start my own business, Denise.
That sounds brilliant, Fergus.
"Lisa Johnson MD"? Technically, we are celebrating.
Celebrating what? A night off.
It's Tanya.
You've not, have you? You got in the lift, which means you wanted something to happen.
What happens now? This place - it's good for us, but we've got to start blending in, which means you've got to stop pissing around playing your silly games.
You say your sorry and all's forgiven? It doesn't work like that.
Please don't leave.
'Remember that stash?' 'I sold it to a dealer in Liverpool' I'm pregnant.
You're actually really, properly pregnant? Yeah.
Dan! Hmm? What? He's awake again.
It's your turn.
I did it last night.
But I was in the middle of a really good dream.
What about? Erm.
.
you? Knobhead.
Fine! I'll go.
But when the baby arrives, we are definitely taking it in turns.
What are you doing, Dad? Just watching telly.
With no volume? I didn't want to wake you.
Anyway, they have a little man on at this time of night.
So, you can read sign language now, can you? I'm starting to pick the odd bit up.
Pretty sure that means "penguin".
Did you get any sleep? Couple of hours.
You didn't sleep at all, did you? It's not the sleeping It's not the sleeping that bothers me.
It's waking up after.
Them few moments when I've forgotten and I think that everything's still the same.
Then I turn over.
And all that's there is a pillow.
I'd sooner stay awake.
Well, you can go to sleep now .
.
safely, because .
.
when you wake up there won't be an empty spot next to you.
Cos I'll be there.
We both will.
I'm much more comfy here.
I am sick of lying on my back.
Who is it? Pauline Johnson? Who wants to know? Debt recovery.
She doesn't live here any more.
Who are you, then? Stella Chang.
What are you laughing at? That's racist, that is.
If I were you, I'd do one before I call your supervisor.
It's me! Me who? Me who-do-you-think? How many other smoking-hot toy-boys you got on the go? Oh! Oh, you little darling! 'I got a B in English Literature, 'a C in History and a B in Fine Art, 'which I'm really happy about.
'I didn't do as well as I wanted to but I got in, 'so every cloud has a silver lining' Morning, sunshine! A boiled egg and buttered soldiers! Oh, I'm not hungry.
I'm going to head straight in.
In? To college? It's A level day? Oh! Is it? I'd clean forgotten! Will you stop worrying? It's nothing.
Nobody ever fails these days.
You get 50% for spelling your name right.
You want to hear me spell my name right, don't you? Don't be so silly.
I'm not worried.
I'm not! You'll come and see me straight after? Yeah.
At least have a soldier.
G-A-R .
.
I E? Ohh Kidney beans.
Kidney beans.
FryLight.
Fried rice.
No.
FryLight.
What's that? Just write it down.
Fried rice.
Fried rice.
It sounds like you need a new aerator.
It's a ten-minute job.
What's your postcode, though? Yeah, sorry, I can't do it.
Because it's outside of my jurisdiction.
Plumbers do SO have jurisdictions! What's all this about, Dan? Oh, you had to ask.
This, Bazza, is the baby zone.
Provided I remain within this circle at all times, I'm never more than 15 minutes away.
It's true, Dad.
And if I attempt to leave it, the explosive device he's had fitted round my neck goes off.
You joke all you want, I've got the whole thing timed to perfection.
As soon as he we hit Defcon 1 we'll be at the hospital with enough time to spare for a coffee and snack from the vendor.
Oh, that's something to look forward to! What's this? Me and Dad are going shopping.
Have you got fried rice down? Twice.
Shopping? Where are you going shopping? I was thinking of Paris, France, but I'm a bit tired.
Don't worry, Dan.
It's in your magic circle.
No, no, no.
The entire system is based around you being here, in the centre.
If you start moving about the baby zone, too, the whole thing goes out of whack.
The only thing out of whack round here is you.
The due date is still a week off, I will be fine.
What if your waters break in the middle of the frozen-food aisle? They'll probably put some cones round.
That reminds me - ice cream.
Ice cream.
I'll get dressed.
I'm coming with you.
It's all right Ooh! Sorry! But that's me! Busy morning? Exhausting! It's very hard work having to lay here all day waiting for you to bring home the money.
No money today, I'm afraid.
I got paid in kind.
Kind? What kind of kind? This kind of kind.
Moet! Now, that's my kind of kind! Not this early in the morning, it's not.
Spoilsport.
Well wish me luck.
Good luck, hon.
Do you even know what you're wishing me luck for? Yes, of course I do.
It's A level It's A level results day.
Look! We've already got the champagne on ice for you! You'll have aced them.
I am quite capable of putting the shopping away, Dan.
You're not supposed to be doing any heavy lifting.
I don't think a bag of carrots is heavy lifting.
'Any taxis free in Middleton?' And turn that thing off! No, I like to know it's working.
Now what are you doing?! Don't bend! Crouch! Don't lift? Don't bend? Is there anything I am allowed to do? Yes.
Go through there and stick your feet up.
I know somewhere I'd like to stick 'em.
Dan, I swear to God Just remember, it's not you I'm worrying about.
It's our future little United star in there.
Oh, so you're saying it's a boy again, are you? Sexist! I might have been referring to Twicker ton.
United.
Who the hell are Twickerton United? A professional netball team that I just made up.
Idiot.
And for the record, I don't care whether it's a boy or a girl.
Do you know why? Why? Because # Maybe, baby, I'll have you # Maybe, baby, you'll be true Maybe, baby I'll have you for me.
Take it, Bazza! I'll get that.
I miss him singing.
So do I.
If nothing else, at least he used to drown you out.
# It's funny, honey, you don't care # You never listen to my prayer Maybe, baby, you'll love me some day.
What's up, Dad? Have I got a surprise for you! Robbie! Lisa, Lisa, bon appetito! Jesus, you've let yourself go a bit, haven't you? Oh! Oh, come on, Dan.
What, no hug for your favourite little brother? Huh? Why's he back, Dan? I don't know, Baz.
He seems to be making Pauline very happy.
Yeah.
It always does.
At first.
Is he after summat? He's always after something.
And then he'll disappear again for another eight years and I'll be left picking up the pieces.
You remember what my mum was like the last time? He might have changed.
People don't change ROBBIE doesn't change.
He wants something and he's going to spin some elaborate cock-and-bull story to get it.
Just you watch.
I don't know what it is with the women of this family, they fall for it every time.
And with my dad away, it's up to you and me to find out what his game is.
I'm relying on you here, Baz.
Oh, God.
I'm really sorry, Barry.
It's OK.
Dad's old band? Serious? They all turned up for his stag do.
Did a spontaneous set.
Just like the Beatles on Apple Corps roof.
More like the bloody Wurzels on Crackerjack.
After that, it was all he could talk about.
And so now they're doing a reunion tour? Two weeks.
Playing pubs and working-men's clubs up and down the country.
Sex, drugs and rock'n'roll, eh? At his age?! Charlie can barely figure out how to turn a telly on, let alone chuck one out the window.
God! And imagine his groupies! Only drugs them lot take are probably for their hips.
Aw! One stage dive and he could put an entire mosh pit in traction! So what you been up to whilst all this has been going down, then? I've been here.
Where have you been? He's been in New York.
You know that.
What's it like? And, more to the point, why are you back? It's incredible.
And I just I thought I was overdue a visit, is all.
Bar I work at's getting a big refurb so I figured now was as good a time as any for some memory-laning.
So you're a barman? Senior bar manager, actually.
It's a Brit-themed pub, see? So, naturally, they need me as the corporate face.
Ooh, "corporate face"! Well, of course, I do know all about that sort of thing.
I don't know if Pauline had mentioned but I'm an MD myself nowadays.
Always knew you were destined for better things, Lise.
Oh! What about you Dan? Still a plumber? I still run my own highly successful business, yes.
Dan Johnson, EXECUTIVE plumbing.
Greg? Greg? Dan's mate.
In prison at the moment.
He's a drugs baron.
He's not a drug baron.
Got arrested at our wedding.
Armed police and everything.
They weren't armed! They might have been armed! YOU don't know.
Finally! A quick meeting with your agent, you said.
Oh, that's a nice welcome home.
Isn't it, Iggly? I'm going to be late now.
Late for what? There's only you there.
Oh! Are you scared Lisa might ring and tell you off? I'm not scared of anything! I'm certainly not scared of Lisa.
Well, not much.
But it is hard keeping on top of everything with her on leave.
I'll probably have to work late now.
You can't.
You need to be back by five.
That's what my agent wanted to see me about.
The local press are doing a story about me, they're sending round a photographer tonight! A story? About you? What story? You haven't got a story.
Well, they seem to think I have.
Called me a home-grown supermodel.
Manchester's equivalent of TIARA Banks.
Well, I'm sorry, Denise, but I don't think I'll be back by five.
I can't just pick and choose my hours, you know, not like you.
I've got a proper job.
I didn't mean th You know what I meant.
They'll just have to do it while you look after Josh, aren't they? Sorry.
But they want pictures of you, too.
Me? Yeah.
And Josh.
All three of us.
They called it their angle - professional model and family woman.
Girl next door, they said, which confused me at first, but apparently they're definitely doing it here.
They want a picture of me? And Josh.
I suppose I could knock off an hour early just this once.
To support you.
Five o'clock? No worries.
And the club scene? Oh! It's like summat from another planet.
YOU would love it.
We have to get you out there.
Hey! You too, of course, Mum! And you, Barry.
You could throw a fair few shapes from what I remember, eh? I don't think so.
Hey, he's being released.
I thought he had a couple more months.
So did he.
Didn't know anything about it till this morning.
He's getting out this afternoon.
Wanted me to pick him up.
Well, he hasn't got anybody now, has he? Not since Amber left.
No.
She sharp-dropped him soon as things got sticky, didn't she? Cow.
The pair of them got engaged at our wedding.
Was this before or after the armed police? Before.
Oh.
So, what time you going? I'm not.
Why not? Because it's outside the baby zone.
Are you sure? Let's go and check the map.
I've checked it.
Let's check it again.
What's the baby zone? Sounds disgusting.
You're his best mate.
You're all he's got and you ARE going to pick him up.
I can't.
I won't.
The baby is not due for another week.
You don't know that.
Don't you dare shout at me through a rolled up newspaper! You started it! Ow! What's wrong with you? It's called a mood swing! And you better get used to it.
And if you are planning on remaining super-glued to my arse for the next seven days, you'd better get used to ducking too! Cos I've had it up to here! Hormones, kid.
They're bigger than all of us.
You ARE going to pick Greg up, even if it's just to give me a couple of hours of peace and quiet.
Think VERY carefully about the next words to come out your mouth.
I'm going to pick up Greg.
I know, love.
We heard.
Penguin? What's this? What? I asked for a scotch.
Did you? Well, who ordered that, then? Oh, I don't know where my head's at today, I really don't.
Don't worry yourself, Bianca.
It's perfectly understandable.
Now fetch me my scotch and we'll say no more about it.
Right.
Of course.
What? Oh, come on! I'm not paying for that, I never even asked for it.
Oh, look! He's here! Does he look happy or sad? No, no, no! Don't look! Let's act natural.
Pretend we were talking.
We were talking.
Oh! Hiya, cock! Fancy you popping by! What's that you've got there? My A Level results.
Oh, yes, that's right.
You said you'd go and fetch them, didn't you? How did you do? Not good.
Are you doing that thing where you pretend it's bad news but really it's good news? No.
I'm not.
Are you doing that thing where I ask you if you're just pretending, and you say no and then you go, "Just kidding"? No, Bianca! What's he doing, Roger? I don't know what he's doing.
Oh, for God's sake.
Give it to me.
He got three Ds.
Technically, those are passes.
Though I suspect not exactly what he was after.
Oh, dear.
What should I do now, Roger? I just don't know what I should do! I'm still waiting for my scotch, if that helps you at all? Thing is, my wife's having a baby, you see? Right this minute? Well, no, obviously.
Well, if it rings, will you answer it? Yeah, yeah.
Course I will, sir.
Then I'll page you.
Right.
I reckon we should be making a move.
Going to have to get your old room sorted out.
How long you staying, Robbie? Reckon I'll stretch to a couple of weeks.
If that's OK? You're joking, aren't you? Chance of some actual intelligent conversation for once.
No offence! I'll do it, I'll do it.
Oh, Dad, don't start, you're as bad as What's up? What's up? No It's all right.
I just need the little girls room, that's all.
You go on, love, we'll sort all this lot out.
Cheers.
Going a lot, is she? Yeah.
I was the same.
Practically lived on the lavvy when I had this one.
Mm.
Lovely! Dan! Call Dan! How did your friends do? They all passed.
You passed, too.
Roger says Ds are passes, and he's a vicar! I needed two Cs to get into Manchester.
You knew I'd fail, didn't you? I did not! You did.
That's why you were worried.
I'm always worried! And you haven't failed.
You could re-sit them, go to university next year.
You'll be taller than everybody else! Waste another year of my life, you mean? You haven't wasted a year.
Don't be downhearted, Gary.
He's not picking up.
Oh, God! Just breathe.
Breathe! Would you stop telling me to breathe, Pauline? What the bloody hell else am I going to do?! All right, all right! Keep your hair on! What do you think we should do, Barry? How should I know? It's been 40 years since I last did this.
start getting precious with your age, flower, do you? Will you try him again, Dad? I've tried him four times, love.
He's right.
We're going to have to get you to the hospital.
I'm not going without Dan! I can't go without Dan! Lisa.
I don't know if you've noticed, but there's a distinct lack of forceps and surgical gowns round here.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to grab some Marigolds and improvise if you like, but I don't recommend it.
Plus the head midwife's sporting quite the moustache.
Hardly hygiene friendly, is it? Barry.
Go and get your car keys.
Mum, help me walk her out.
Everything is going to be fine.
Mm.
Where's Dad? Oh, he had to pop out.
Well?! Are you going to tell me or not? Oh I got an A and an A Oh, and another A.
Fuck off! Nice, Mum! No! No, I mean fuck off in a good way.
That's absolutely fantastic! Three A's, Dad! I know! You'll have to keep a copy of tonight's Gazette.
They took a photo of me Shez, Kim and Niks getting our results! No, just the four of us.
Yeah, she's here.
It's only just gone 12.
I'll have to give Gary a call, I didn't see him there.
Can you believe it? You and I have actually managed to create a genius! What? Don't be stupid! Look, it's a local newspaper, right? It's not the national press.
Nobody looks at it.
Look, we've been gone years, Brads, all right? She used to have spots, braces, pig-tails.
Just stop worrying.
What time are you coming home, anyway? OK.
All right I'll see you Just try and relax.
Has he got Dan yet? I don't know.
Take the left onto Dean Street, little back alley leads through to the main road.
It's not far, no It's just round this corner.
Are you sure? Trust me, I still remember these streets like the back of my hand.
Touched my first breast in that alley.
It was over the shirt.
Good behaviour? That's what they said.
What does that mean in prison? Not stabbing people, I suppose.
I was dead against that kind of thing.
Listen, erm I wanted to say, I'm sorry I haven't been down here more the last couple of months.
Mate, it's absolutely fine.
I know how rough it must have been, Lisa losing her mum like that, baby on its way.
To be honest it wasn't as bad in here as you might think.
Seriously.
Ended up getting shifted to my own cell, lucked out on job duties.
Guards were cool.
Sounds enchanting! You absolutely sure you want to leave? Oh, I'm sure.
Yes? Oh, it's you.
Yes.
It is.
All right, Greg? You off then, are you? Gonna miss you on poker nights.
Ah, you never know, I might be back from time to time.
Poker nights? That's what I pay my taxes for is it? You lot No I had it all worked out! I'd used a compass and everything! I never should have left the zone! No No, no, no this can't be happening.
Try it again.
Is that what I should do?! Thanks, Greg! Problem? My wife's just gone into labour! I'm not his wife.
Right, come on.
Can't you say something Roger? You always know what to say.
Since when? Ella got three A's.
There's such a thing as being too clever.
I'm going home.
Don't forget your football match tonight.
You always look forward to that.
You think I'm still going to bother with that now? What do you mean? I mean, if I'd spent more time studying instead of wasting my life kicking a stupid football around I wouldn't be feeling like this, would I? Right.
Sit down here and shut up.
Sit.
Firstly, you would be feeling like this because you're a teenager and you're a miserable bunch at the best of times.
Secondly, qualifications mean nothing.
I got a B star in O Level French and all I can remember from that is how to say "I have a pen, my pen is red.
" Which is a lot less useful than you might imagine.
And thirdly.
You WILL continue to play football.
Because I seem to spend half my days doing bingo with pensioners, judging garden fetes or organising cake bake sales.
Coming to watch you play is about the only vaguely male pastime I seem to be allowed to have in this God awful existence of mine and you are NOT taking it away from me.
Understood? Yeah.
Good.
I guess I'll go and get ready.
All right.
Thank you, Roger.
Not at all.
Just out of interest J'ai un stylo.
Mon stylo est rouge.
Am I late? No you're early, they're not here yet.
Have you been to the hairdresser's? No.
What are you on about? Why would I go to the hairdresser's? I've barely got any hair.
You've moussed! I have not.
And that's a new shirt.
No.
I've had it months.
How long's that been there? They're here.
Hm? If he's not here I'll never forgive myself And he'll never forgive me.
He will, love.
I hit him with a rolled up newspaper! Well, we've all done that, flower.
OK, Lisa.
Let's get you off this chair.
Well done, you are all right.
Deep breaths.
Deep breaths.
It's coming.
It's coming.
Where is Dan! We're not going to make it in time.
Haven't they got a siren or something? Why would a prison van need a siren? I don't know In case something like this happens! Probably don't do many maternity runs.
Thanks for coming with me.
I feel bad, your first day of freedom and all that.
Joking, aren't you? Watching my best mate about to become a dad? Can't they go any faster? Don't need to, mate, we're here.
OUT OF THE WAY! Excuse me! Now A twisted gut THAT'S an emergency.
I don't know what that is.
I can't make a fist.
It hardly qualifies as an emergency, does it? Not yet.
Delivery room seven? My wife is having a baby Aw, congratulations! Where's the maternity ward? Oh I don't know Um Floor three.
Just down from Orthopaedics, opposite Haematology.
Room seven Lisa Johnson.
Where's delivery room seven? Dan! In there, mate.
Well done, Lisa.
Keep breathing in that gas.
She is doing great.
Dan! I am so sorry.
How is she doing? All right, Greg? Hiya.
This is Greg.
Oh, the drugs baron? Sorry, what? Here, Greg, them coppers that arrested you at our wedding, were they armed? Takes less time than this to adopt one.
Maybe there's been a complication.
You're the right bloody voice of doom, you are.
Should get you a job at Samaritans.
No.
I don't like talking on the phone.
Makes my head echo.
Feeling better? I suppose.
I didn't mean to take it out on you.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
And it's not the end of the world.
We all know how talented you are, no matter what it says on some daft piece of paper.
You'll find your way.
Thanks.
Besides, who wants to go to silly old university anyway? I didn't go and look how I turned out! Someone I'd like you all to meet.
Everyone .
.
this is Molly Johnson.
Molly.
Molly Sue actually.
After Mum.
Beautiful.
Would you like to hold her? Please.
Oh! Charlie? It's a girl! It's a girl! It's a girl! It's a girl! That's a fiver you owe me! What are you doing? What time does the local paper usually come? Oh, you're not still Listen.
There's something I need to ask you both.
You know my first choice was Manchester? Well, do I need to put my name down for halls? Or? What I'm asking is are we done now? The moving? The running? The vanishing acts? Is this really it? This is really it.
This is our home.
Thanks, Dad.
Did you mean that? I wonder if it's a boy or a girl? Only one way to find out.
I don't really think that's a good idea, Brads.
If we're staying here permanently then a part of that means playing nice again.
So you did mean it? Of course.
Ella! We did it, eh? Yeah We really did.
I'll get rid of them.
No! Invite them in! You don't even know who it is.
I don't care who it is! Invite them in! Invite EVERYONE in! Don't worry about it, she's still on an adrenaline hyper.
She'll be crashed out by ten.
No, I won't! Where's the booze? Oh I don't think we've got any.
I don't understand.
Saw you pull up, wanted to offer our BEST wishes.
You don't mind, do you? Course not.
I'm just going to use the bathroom.
Congratulations, Lisa.
Thank you.
Well, then? Oh, thank FUCK for that!! You all right? How's it going? Pretty good.
Yeah How was the last six months? Not as bad as you thought? Actually, no.
You know, I mean, fucked my whole life up But prison itself? No.
It was all right.
I'll bet Your own cell Cushy work duty Poker nights with the screws Governor owed us a favour.
I asked him to see you right.
Well, if you can't help out your mate in his time of need, what can you do? I see.
I guess I owe you one myself now, then? Yeah Guess you do.
Well How often do you need to make a fist anyway? What happens if someone assaults us down an alley? How am I supposed to beat them off? Do it with your left hand, always works for me! Eh, Baz? Did you hear what I said? I said, "Do it with your left hand, always works for me!" When, exactly, did Charlie say they were getting back? OK There we go One there Try to relax for me.
Relax.
Yeah Yeah Erm Maybe don't smile so much.
Just, erm No, you Oh.
Just er Natural OK.
OK.
No, no, I meant more Yeah, OK.
Actually, you know what? I think we've probably got all we need.
Really? You sure? Yeah We're all good.
Thank you so much for all your time.
OK Right.
I'll see you out.
So when will they be in the papers, then? Tomorrow probably, but the pictures will be on the website later.
Oh, right Thank you.
Oh! You enjoyed that, didn't you? It was all right.
Almost like having a proper job, isn't it? You looked so happy I didn't have the heart to tell you, you had mousse on your ear.
What? Ha Very funny Oh, get nearer, Ella.
Excuse me.
This is the photo you want Terry, get out of the way Get back to your missus.
Terry! Why do you have to do that? Do what? Every time it's got to be about you Lighten up.
It's a party So First of the Johnson boys to be a daddy, eh? Good for you.
Mind, I was still the first to ride a bike without stabilisers So You know.
One all.
We're not doing this tonight.
But er we ARE going to have a talk.
About what? About what you're doing back.
I've told you, I'm just I know what you've told me.
And what you've told Mum.
I won't let you do this to her again.
Do what? We were never very alike, you and me, were we? Think I always took more after Dad.
Yeah That's the problem.
Of course He changed.
Didn't he? Robbie! Robbie! Come on Hey.
Thanks for You know Getting her to the hospital and that.
You do know how lucky you are, don't you? Yeah I do.
Right, let's do this, then Here it is.
Here we go.
Here is the money here Forget that Don't forget to smile That's so nice Smashed it With her uncle.
Just gonna take a breather.
Where have you been? Khazi Hope you slopped out after.
There is a lot of things I missed when I was inside, Dan.
Your jokes aren't one of them.
Oh-ho, I think we both know that's not true.
I wish Mum could see her.
Trust me, love.
She can.
It's a bit noisy down here.
I think I'll take her to bed.
Here, let me.
No, you're all right.
Lisa.
Go and enjoy yourself.
Believe me, this is the only night you're going to get off for a LONG time.
I've got her I love you, Dad.
I love you too, petal.
Night-night, beautiful Sh.
Are you all right? Yeah Here you are, it's your night and you've not even had a drop yet.
Oh, I'm not really supposed to Oh, I can now, can't I? Erm, just because you can, doesn't mean you have to.
I think you should sit down for five minutes.
Dan, I've been sat down for nine months! I never want to sit down again! Cheers! Oh! Ahh! Oh, oh, oh I think, I'll erm, I think I'll erm I'll just have a little rest # Maybe Baby, I'll have you # Maybe Baby, you'll be true.
# Maybe Baby, I'll have you for me # It's funny honey # You don't care # You never listen to my prayer Maybe Baby, you will love me some day # Maybe Baby, I'll have you Maybe Baby He's back.
# You'll be true # Maybe Baby, I'll have you For me Daddy! Daddy Cool! Oh, you're so lucky to get to spend all day with her.
Maybe we could take it in turns? Who was that on the phone? It was someone from City Wanderers.
They've asked me to come for a trial.
Tonight.
You two have both been through this before.
What do you do all day? Feed her.
Change her.
Put her to bed.
Didn't you get bored? No.
No! I would not hire anyone without talking to you first.
Start tomorrow, nice and early.
You won't regret it.
Drink up.
You're coming home with me! Looks just like her mum, don't she? Exactly how much danger are they in? Stick to what I say - none.
Neither will you be.
I've not been 100% honest.
Just tell me! This isn't really just a visit.
I've made a decision, Dan.
I'm going back to work.